funnyao3

[funnyao3]

“Nina saw me when I was leaving,” Kuwei says, frowning. “She looked like she was looking for you.”

“Oh?” Wylan says, already feeling his heart rate increase. “She probably wasn’t. Did she say anything?”

“Yeah, she asked me if I knew where you were,” Kuwei says pointedly.

--flower dictionary for exes by MaudeAlise

#soc #six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wesper #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #incorrect ao3 #ao3 out of context #funny ao3 #soc fics

[funnyao3]

Wylan, your friends are fucking insane!” Kuwei yells, glaring at Kaz. “You couldn’t ring the doorbell?” 

“Did you break in, Kaz?” Wylan asks incredulously. 

“Yes,” Kaz replies, not even slightly abashed. Kuwei yells more expletives, and Kaz takes out his phone with a bored expression. Wylan watches him send a text, feeling slightly out of his body. 

“Kuwei,” Kaz says after a moment. “Inej is on the roof and the door to the staircase is locked. Let her in or she’ll break through the window.” 

“All of your friends,” Kuwei shouts again, glaring at Wylan this time. He moves past him, angrily going to let Inej inside all the same. “Are insane.” 

--flower dictionary for exes by MaudeAlise

#soc #six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wesper #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #incorrect ao3 #ao3 out of context #funny ao3 #soc fics

[funnyao3]

“Oh my god,” he exclaims with sudden realization. “I’m a Bond Girl.” 

Henry raises an eyebrow, “Quantifiably incorrect.” 

“You’re James Bond,” Alex replies curtly, pointing a lazy finger at him, then turning it around to point it at himself, “I’m your boyfriend. Bond girl.” 

“Alex, you’re a man—” 

“Bond Girl’s know no gender.”

--diamonds are forever by rizcriz

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry fox #ao3 out of context #ao3 #firstprince fics #funny ao3

[funnyao3]

“Since you’re on a technology and social interaction cleanse.”

Wylan sniffs. “I’m not on either. I’m just not using my phone, and I’m talking to you right now.”

“I have like, 2.5 friends, Wylan. If I’m your social interaction of the weekend, you’re on a cleanse.”

“Well, I have 1.5 friends,” Wylan says. “I’m counting Elias as the 0.5.” 

--flower dictionary for exes by MaudeAlise

#soc #six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wesper #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #incorrect ao3 #ao3 out of context #funny ao3 #soc fics

[funnyao3]

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Wylan rolls his eyes. “Your neighbor, then. And you should date him. He’s sweet.”

Kuwei scowls. “Don’t meddle in my love life just because yours is in shambles.” 

“Say that again and I’ll start crying,” Wylan warns teasingly, and Kuwei groans dramatically. 

--flower dictionary for exes by MaudeAlise

#soc #six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wesper #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #incorrect ao3 #ao3 out of context #funny ao3 #soc fics

[funnyao3]

He looks down instead, another apology on the tip of his tongue, when there’s a loud banging on the door. 

“It’s going to be more of your stupid friends,” Kuwei mutters, scowling at Wylan. Wylan knows that he’s right before the door even opens.

--flower dictionary for exes by MaudeAlise

#soc #six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wesper #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #incorrect ao3 #ao3 out of context #funny ao3 #soc fics

[funnyao3]

Alex clears his throat.

“You good?” Nora asks, refilling his margarita glass. “You keep doing that.”

“Yeah just. Dry in here.”

Henry attempts to look innocent as he sips a Corona.

He fails, in case you’re wondering.

--lying in the low light by sm_27

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry fox #ao3 out of context #ao3 #firstprince fics #funny ao3

[funnyao3]

Henry's body is nice. Alex isn’t having a crisis about it, but he is horny about it. So. That’s. Inconvenient. 

Why can he never have half naked hot men in his apartment without like, bloodshed and the supernatural?

--lying on the cold, hard ground by sm_27

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry fox #ao3 out of context #ao3 #firstprince fics #funny ao3

[funnyao3]

Jesper burns dinner. 

Burns would be the most favourable description, really. It’s a complete mess. They can’t get the stove to turn off, and Jesper spends twenty minutes trying to do it with his Grisha powers. It isn’t working, and the poor chicken is flaming inside the dungeon of the oven the whole time. Even when they shut the power off, they can’t get it open. The door is stuck, swollen from the heat. Jesper has to evaporate the screws to get it off its hinges. When he finally pries the door off, the food is completely black. It’s also still on fire. 

Wylan laughs.

“Don’t laugh!“ Jesper yells, obviously trying not to laugh himself. He’s fanning the corpse of the flaming, carcinogenic bird with an oven mitt. “This was a very serious, very touching romantic gesture!”

“It looks like a fire hazard,” Wylan says, still giggling.

“Then it’s an emergency! You sick, sick madman!” 

Wylan laughs harder, Jesper is using two oven mitts now. 

“You little pyromaniac! Are explosives not enough anymore? Incendiarism is no joking matter!”

“You're the reason it’s on fire!”

“That’s not the point!”

--Everyday, Just a Little or a Little Bit by Jazzythursday

#soc #six of crows #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wylan hendriks #wesper #nina zenik #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #incorrect ao3 #ao3 out of context #funny ao3 #soc fics

[funnyao3]

“Hey, is he breathing,” Anika asks, and Wylan peeks through his fingers to glare at her. “Kaz will kill us if he dies back there, ya’know?”

“He’s fine. You’re fine, right, Wylan?”

“No,” Wylan says.

“See, he’s fine.”

-A lack of air supply by Milkfrog

#soc #six of crows #soc ao3 #soc fics #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthias helvar #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

"You used to kiss me." 

"And now I kiss your sister."

His mouth falls open as he splutters, "You—"

"Not all the time, you asshole," she says, shaking her head. "Just when she's around."

"She's around all the time, Nora?!"

"Okay, so maybe all the time. Are you sleeping here?"

"Absolutely not," he says, shaking his head.

"Then please leave so I can go back to not sleeping next to your sister."

"I hate you so much??" It sounds like a question, an exclamation, and an expletive.

-David is a Beagle by ptwrites

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“Also, we wouldn't care if we were having an armadillo,” June says firmly. “Just as long as it will occasionally deign to clean its room when the time comes.”

“Burrow,” Henry says vaguely. “Armadillos live in burrows.”

“Important correction,” Nora says solemnly, at which point Pez calls for wine and board games, which effectively cuts short their discussion on whether or not June will soon be pushing out a small, armoured mammal in a month or so.

-The stranger you recognise by clottedcreamfudge for stutteringpeach

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #june claremont diaz #nora holleran #june x nora

[funnyao3]

“Where were we?” he asks, leaning forward and shifting through some of the papers on the table.

“Personally, I’d love to know if you ever intend on making any sort of move on Henry, or if you’re planning just to stare at him longingly for the rest of time.”

He lets out a pathetic, embarrassing sort of coughing sound.

“What? I—“

“Not to say that wouldn’t work exceptionally well for him, really,” she continues, which is not fucking necessary. “Lord knows the man is smitten with the idea of someone pining over him. It might be the quickest way to his heart, actually.”

That is very good to know, and also the worst thing he’s ever heard.

-I don’t know how not to by sm_27

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

“You zoned out,” June says curiously, eyes going between Alex and Henry in a way that says she’s doing gay math and Alex isn’t going to like her findings.

-Take me where I cannot stand by clottedcreamfudge

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context #june claremont diaz

[funnyao3]

Would you go back?” Inej asked softly, her dark, careful gaze settling on him and Jesper. Jesper turned to peer down at the smaller boy, knowing the answer, of course knowing the answer, but wanting to be sure. Wylan shook his head quickly, copper curls falling in his eyes, tickling Jesper’s chin.

“Definitely not.”

“Because you’d be lost without me.” Raising an eyebrow, Wylan glanced at him.

“And because my father tried to have me killed.”

“That, too, obviously. But mostly because of me.”

“I feel like your ego needs the win right now, so I’m going to let you have this one,” came the dry response.

-My whole heart (deemed and delivered a crime) by hopeisbloody

#soc #six of crows #soc ao3 #soc fics #wesper #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #matthias helvar #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

Eventually, he settles on his old faithful – a pros and cons list.

Pros

Henry

Sex with Henry.

Would make the speeches easier.

Cons

Henry ghosted me and ran away.

Would ruin potential to develop reputation as international bisexual playboy.

-The Art of Losing by bigfishbigpond

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context

[funnyao3]

Henry is going to die.

Quite possibly, he’s already dead, and this is his own personal circle of hell, filled with weird and specific tortures designed for Henry’s suffering only. Punishment for all the gay sex, probably.  

-The Art of Losing by bigfishbigpond

#rwrb #rwrb fics #rwrb ao3 #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #funny ao3 #ao3 out of context