eraofdragonsandblood
It Hurts To Be A Dragon
Diary of someone who is broken
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You said I deserved better but turned around and took a hold of the closest person I knew and took her away. Why was I always worried, always caring for you for years? Only to get stabbed in the back. It’s just a joke. I guess being kind makes you weak. I guess I wasn’t for you. You destroyed me. I lost my identity because of you. I almost lost my will to live.
I think you resume I will be friends with you still. But I’m not. This is why I give nasty remarks. Why you aren’t attractive at all. Just plain ugly. I’m only nice to keep the balance. Just because you took her away, doesn’t mean I have to lose her too. You are just dead to me. Nothing can change that.
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You were captivated to the eye. You spun my world around and then shattered it in a few deeds. I thought you cared about me. Even if it was grain of sand, but you didn’t. You had a new opportunity and didn’t include me. You wanted me to get kicked out like I didn’t have feelings for you. Like I just can pick up from my mistake and move on. Now I smile and just nod my head and question why I wasn’t good enough. Why I now continuously question what’s it like to deserve someone. Because I’m just in denial with my feelings right now.
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Who Am I?
I don’t know who I’m anymore. I don’t know how to identify myself anymore. I’m not the girl I used to. I’m just a blank sheet of paper. Clueless of the future ahead. I’m emotionally numb and destroy anything good in my sight. I don’t know what to do anymore.
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Drug Addicted
You were like a drug. I was addicted to you. You drive me wild and I lost control. Your touch was everything I wanted. You would kiss me and I felt like I could fly. But now the drug is wearing off and you are going one way, I’m going the other.
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Goodbye...
Then it stopped when I stopped caring. When the crying for you ended. Where our friendship faded away into nothing at all. The love for you shrank into a grain of sand. Where I rose from my pit of despair, and evolved into something better. Something more beautiful. You and I are no more. Our paths end here and it will stay here. We are no more friends. No more lovers. You go one way and I go the other way. Goodbye... see you in another life.
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One Year Ago
One year ago, I would have said I was in love you. You were my favorite person. The happy place. The person, I was heavily in love with. My safe haven. But you didn’t want me. My heart felt like it got ripped from my chest and flung into the darkness. I watched as my heart turned from red to black in seconds. I was desperate for something and you wouldn’t give it to me. I was just a friend. I will always just be that girl you once knew. Because the girl you know isn’t the same girl, she was a year ago. The girl, a year ago is dead. The present one is more alive. More free from the past, that once held her down. You don’t know her at all.
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Releasing Tomorrow (Only at Amazon)
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Why can’t I get over you? I guess opening old wounds is a bad thing after all. I guess I’m still not over the thought of you. I avoid the thought or memory of you. It’s like it’s stinging worse than ever. It’s not you care anyway. I just cared about you more than I should I have. Liked you more than I should have. Thinking that you would notice how much I cared about you.
But you won’t. You’re over it. Already with someone else. And it burns you seeing you so happy while I’m crying to keep the night away from me. Seeing that you were blind to notice you lost someone who adore you.
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If you have a fix a guy’s behavior, leave me him. He is not a project, you have to do. If he continues to social with other women, leave him. He is not worth being cheated by him. If he stares at you in the wrong places, he is lusting after you. If he using you to get over someone else, girl you can do better. You deserve the world. Not every man can give you that. Most men are garbage but are hidden from their respectful manners. Even snakes hide under their old skin.
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You never cared, right? I’m just someone to make you feel better about yourself. All that time, I was worried about you. You didn’t care. Why are you so fake but so real? I was a no one to you. I was just some girl who crazy about you but you thought meh. I need attention anyway, let’s get it from her. Why was I fool to fall for this? A fool to think you change. But you weren’t going to, you never will.
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You Left Me
They say you never left but it feels like it. They say, you still care for me. But you are never around. Are they all lying to me so I don’t get hurt again? Because its not working. I miss when you actually cared. When you wanted to talk to me. I hate the forced conversation. I wish we could smile like normal again. Because I’m sick of the fake goodbyes. The fake you. I just miss you.
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Not My Fault
Its not like I wanted to fall in love with you. But you calmed all the storms inside of me. You made me feel something again. I thought I could finally be happy again. But then you pulled the rug and fell. I sunk lower than ever before. I thought maybe if I showed you that I cared, you would change but I guess not.
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Broken
If I could I take you back in a heartbeat, I would, but you broke me. I thought you weren’t capable of that. I miss you. I wish you didn’t destroy me.
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Tinker Bell
Its true, I’m always a Tinker Bell but never a Wendy. Always loves and cares for a Peter Pan but he always chooses Wendy.
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Joy
Some people find joy in a person. Others in a hobby. Others in an object. Either way, never let go of that joy. Despite the struggle. Despite that person, pushing you away. The current situations. Never leave. Block the advice. The only time, you need to walk away is when that joy is harmful. If not, stay. It will be worth it in the end. I promise.
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I’m Doomed
Why can’t I not let go you? Why can’t I unlike you? Why do even try anymore? You don’t want me. You don’t care. Space, that all it takes. But I have been so far from you and I’m scared. I’m so used to the distance. The years, I don’t care anymore. I would wait forever, if I had to.
How can I find love when I all I see is you? I thought I would never love again. Never in a million of years, you would be the one, I would fall for. I love you. I want you to be the one. But it won’t happen. It never does.
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