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easternforeigner
eastern foreigner
play444
Без названия
thetriomovers
The Trio Movers
idonthaveausername03
I Dont Have A Username
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It wasn’t even part of my 2024 bingo card.
And I don’t know what hurts me more—how I didn’t see it coming or to suddenly see myself again being part of this narrative.
The unwanted character.
The silent sufferer.
The untold plot.
I never wanted to be here to begin with.
But here I am. The pain is here. And it is real.
And I couldn’t be more in pain when you so badly wanted to leave but couldn’t find the way out.
You just, once again, feel trapped.
I wasn’t supposed to be here.
I wasn’t supposed to bleed here.
I wasn’t supposed to witness all these.
But I guess this is the price you pay for choosing the wrong person to admire, for staying there way too long only to find out that you had never been enough.
And that even after many years, he may like someone like you, but it’ll never be you because you are…you.
And nothing hurts more than to witness that with your very own eyes—the 7 years worth of your life valuing everyone else but you.
Just when you thought you’re free.
Just when you thought you’re so past that already.
It grabs you by the hand and makes you feel all the pain you’ve been through at an instant.
Right now, I honestly am afraid for how worse this could get. I’ve seen it once. And I’m terrified that I might see it all over again.
Can’t I just grab myself out of this situation? Nobody wants me here anyway.
But I can’t. I am here.
And I have to be brave.
I might not know the best way to cope.
But I have to endure until I see the light again.
I must be very careful and only take the right & good steps.
May my lips never tend to say unkind things.
May my eyes never look with unkind gaze.
May my feet never lead me to tempting places.
Till I’m out of this narrative again.
And may my heart learn all it has to learn and may all the wounds ever heal. So that I may bid goodbye from this chapter for good.
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I loved you the most. And it hurts that I never even got the chance to love you in all the ways I could.
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To anyone who’s ever felt like they’re hard to love
You'll know it's finally yours, for it will feel like everything but forced.
I hope, darling, that even without seeing what it's like, you'd choose to believe and hold on to the simple truth that even this is possible for you.
Even though everyone else has made you feel otherwise.
It's never true that you're hard to love.
It's never true that you're the easiest to let go of.
Believe that time will come when you'll see this coming to pass.
It's promised anyway, so hold fast.
And start picking those hopes up, and refuse to settle with anything that doesn't look like it.
The right person for you will love you loudly.
It'll be the kind of love that is clear.
It'll never leave you questioning.
It'll be the kind of love that assures and secures you,
that it's the kind that is faithful, pure, and sure.
It'll never leave any space for doubt or fear over it
if at any moment it might change its mind or choose someone else over you.
It'll be the kind of love that listens, that pays attention,
one that wouldn't want to miss every detail that matters to you.
And this love, it'll make you feel heard.
It'll make you feel seen.
It'll make sure that you know just how much you mean.
It'll be the kind of love that chooses you over and over,
as if it has no plans of having any other options.
It'll never make you feel like you have to fight for your place every time, or that you might lose it at any moment.
Time will come, and this love will find you too.
This love will pursue you in the ways you feel most loved - being deeply known.
This love will make every effort to know you, and love doing so.
This love adores you for every fiber that makes you who you are, and will never take you to be "too much".
It'll never attempt to tone down your free and wild spirit.
Instead, it'll accept and dance with every "extreme" of your being that you've once hated, and you'll finally know that it was never your flaw.
For just as how deep your feelings go, this love will be willing to go with you deeper.
This love will never be afraid of your depth.
And this love will dispense every fear that you had of freely expressing your true self - your creative, sometimes indecisive, hilarious, energetic, and passionate self.
This love will make it known to you that all you are is all they've ever needed.
That you're enough, or perhaps, so much more.
And this love will never want to miss you for the world.
Believe it, beloved.
It'll come. Your heart will be home.
So please wait.
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totga
Never gonna lie, meeting you this season has set the bars too high.
Having the chance to spend time with you has, unexpectedly, changed my perspective radically.
I didn’t see it coming.
It just dawned on me gradually.
At first, I thought I should never fall too deep, keep my emotions tamed,
not only because I was too afraid to get hurt, but because then, I couldn’t see myself being fit for you in the future.
Guess I was right.
But silly me, thought it was because you can’t meet the standards.
Turns out, it was I who couldn’t.
You’re too beautiful.
Your heart is so so precious.
You’re dazzling.
And I’m too afraid to come close.
Knowing you more made me see that the things I thought you wouldn’t be able to meet were actually petty, turns out they weren't really that important.
All along, I was too busy putting too much value on "standards" that shouldn't be on my list at all.
For knowing you more made me see that the kind of heart and faith that you have are the ones that really matter in the long run.
That, darling, is what makes a person like you hard to find.
Turns out, that a person like you is what I actually want.
A man after God’s own heart.
A good person deep to the core.
Genuine. Kind. Pure.
I’d be too selfish to try to woo you to myself, so I promise I wouldn’t.
But I’m afraid that I might miss you a lot after this.
I'm terrified that I might lose you forever.
I’m not sure, but I’m thinking that it’s gonna be hard for me to let anyone capture my heart after you.
For after you,
I’ve met what I really wanted.
How a person like you really exists.
Only that, it's not with me.
I might keep looking for glimpses of you in other guys I’m bound to meet.
Be trying to find the same traces of a good heart and a strong faith like yours.
I won’t be busy looking for these in them though, for I will step up and strive and beg God to help me develop these in myself first.
I’m terrified that I might not meet someone like you again,
but perhaps, it’s already a win that my walls are now starting to be built.
Having to meet you this season has been a blessing, in ways I never thought it would.
Getting to know you has gracefully broken my pride and humbled me.
I'd never see many things the same way again after this.
It breaks my heart to have to bid goodbye.
Nevertheless, I’m grateful to know that someone like you exists.
And that for a short while, I could be a friend to you.
It is enchanting to meet you.
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Keep choosing your healing this time;
one choice at a time.
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Why am I terrified of losing something that hasn’t even been mine to begin with?
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Eventually, these waves will settle.
Till then, I need to stick around and keep showing up.
I’ll be alright, just not tonight.
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How could I even put this into words?
When someone means a world to you, yet be untouchable.
When someone has taken one of the biggest part of your being, but technically doesn’t exist in your life.
It’s like grieving for something you didn’t have.
Losing something that wasn’t yours.
It’s like visiting a nameless graveyard.
Or perhaps, there’s really no words to describe fully just how deep the pain that comes from loving someone for longest time, and still be a stranger to his love.
When the one who means the world to you is in front of you, but you resist and withhold, for he was never yours.
How do you look straight into his eyes and be not free to say just how much you love him and have missed him, badly wanting to be with him yet be quiet about it.
And go home with the memories your mind refuses to forget, yet forbidden to keep.
When these mattered to you the most, therefore hurting you the most,
for in the end, though for me they were the realest, all they are really is intangible.
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As brutally honest as this may seem,
it is a must for you to know, love,
𝗻𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
Consider it true,
for as long as no one says so.
No one is waiting for you.
No guy is waiting for your updates,
wondering about your whereabouts.
No one is dying to know how your day has been,
or is craving for you to be around.
So please, stop with the chase.
End that delusion you’re making for yourself that someone, that 𝘰𝘯𝘦, is waiting for you.
End the thrill.
𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲.
Though, don’t be discouraged.
Believe me, this is meant for you to wake up.
This is for you to shrug off the unnecessary,
and fix your gaze at what really is good and true.
𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴,
𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂—𝙂𝙤𝙙.
He’s waiting for you to come.
Patiently, lovingly, with mercy in His eyes, looks at you and pursues,
whispering with great hopes that your heart would hear in spite the noise,
the unrelenting invitation for you to come close, to listen, to respond, to even just gaze at Him back.
I hope you do, love.
𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹.
I hope you’ll stop with the running-away,
I hope you’d give up the pointless chase,
and run back to where you belong, where you’re truly meant to be—in 𝙃𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨.
Someone is waiting for you.
𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝗛𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂. ✨
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