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No matter how much I do i can't stay high.
What else is there??
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No matter how hard I try, I end up suffering even more. I hurt so bad inside. I feel like I'm just falling apart. I have to remember not to trust anybody, that's where I keep fucking myself. So I'll stay speed-balling through time with my besties tina and fetty. I dont wanna remember shit.
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I keep it 💯 with him because I love him. He gives me shit because clearly he thinks that's all I'm worth. Then he turns around and tell me that he loves me. I use to wanna be in love because I figured that would be the only way I would ever know what happiness is. However, love has brought me more pain than any bad experience in my life. "Love" has been the one continuous thing in my life that has torn me apart and hurt me even worse then the death of my loved ones..... I'm now really begining to realize that I will only know happiness when I can learn to actually love myself instead of investing all my time and energy into someone else.
This present moment tho, I'm still suffering bad because I love someone who doesn't deserve me or my love at all.... I need to get away. This pain is so bad that I'm physically ill and can't even move. All the fucking Tina and Fetty in the world can't take this pain away. It's real and it's hell. :(
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