cjrae

[cjrae]

Series: Reaction to a Reaction, Episode 18 "Lakan"

Here we go again! I've been WAITING for you to get to this episode, @i-guess-im-into-this-now

1.) "Okay so maybe we only get to see a tiny step forward for Maomao, but a tiny step is still progress! I'm just so happy to see anything that pokes past the impasse that Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at for ages."

As you said, Jinshi pushes and it is one of the things that Maomao likes about him. Part of what works with this dynamic, I think, where other characters would feel like pushing is disrespectful, for Maomao it's a sign of genuine interest and care when it comes from Jinshi. Her normal tactic is avoidance - she can't be hurt if she doesn't care.

And the fact of the matter is that this attitude has benefited her, in general. The ladies in waiting at the Crystal Pavilion tried to make her life utter hell, and she literally did not give one flying fuck. The court ladies at Jinshi's pavilion tried to back her into a corner and bully her - again, she does not care. With the environment she's grown up in plus the profession she's chosen, being able to create emotional distance serves her very well.

However, we see that where Maomao has given her loyalty and love, it's absolute. She may criticize Luomen's tendency to sacrifice his own well being in order to serve others, but look at how quick she was to praise him to Jinshi when she was telling him about her father's accomplishments. Gyokuyou and her household are also part of that loyalty.

As for a certain palace manager...well, that's the story, now isn't it? ;)

2.) "The fuck kind of nightmare was that?! No wonder Maomao doesn't like to feel her emotions if she gets horrible flashbacks. Was she the baby in that scene?"

Yup. Maomao's the baby in that scene. Welcome, welcome to Maomao's House of Trauma!

I've been waiting for you to get to this scene because I didn't want to spoil anything, but here's where we start getting into the nitty gritty of why Maomao absolutely does not trust romantic love. Some of it is the environment she grew up in - after all, 'love' is a transaction in a brothel. But regarding actual assaults, I think Maomao is, more than anything, numb to her own sexuality. It's just bodies doing their thing to her, with no real emotion attached to it. And it's much BETTER that way because when the courtesans become attached...

...well, that way lies abandonment. Maomao has MAJOR abandonment issues, which will continue to come clear through the series finale, but I'll also point out that you've seen this image before. We've seen the woman in the annex all the way back in Episode 1, in a quick flash as Maomao is explaining that she used to be an apothecary, again during the suicide talk montage with the knife upraised, as well as all the glimpses we've seen of this woman before.

3.) "Why look at her hand? Does this have anything to do with her bandaged arm?"

If you pay attention, all the way back in Episode 3, she's looking at her hand as well. Specifically, she's looking at her pinky finger. It's not super visible in the wide shots, but that finger is shown as scarred and twisted.

I actually have an entire essay on the motif of Maomao's little finger - I'll send you a link when you're finished with the series. But, as @teaflowsthroughthesesims very kindly pointed out to me in the comments on that essay, traditionally the red string of fate is depicted as being tied around the pinky finger.

4.) "Okay so maybe this lady isn't Maomao's mother, maybe she is. Maomao explains that the woman has syphilis. At least Verdigris House takes care of their own. I love that. Luomen may have been able to do something for this woman if he had arrived to serve the brothel during an earlier stage of the illness. There is a flashback here, where we get a glimpse of young Maomao in the brothel."

If you go back and look, that is not a young Maomao - that's a young Meimei. And yes, I'll go ahead and confirm, this is Maomao's mother. It's very evident if you pay attention to the character designs - we don't see much of the face because the hair is covering up her lack of a nose (gotta love late-stage syphilis), but the hair is exactly the same as Maomao's, while she has Lakan's deep blue eye color.

5.) "I'm going to pull it back a little bit, and return to an earlier theory that Lakan is actually Maomao's biological father. He may have a history with Maomao at the brothel but that may be as a man who was somewhat interested in the daughter he fathered."

Yup. See the eye color (as well as the fact that Jinshi confirms it in the scene). Also, every Lakan stan is currently foaming at the mouth, waiting for you to get to the finale. Now I need to get my Lakan essay going so that it's ready when you finish the season.

6.) "Suiren is there watching Maomao and wondering what has changed, but knows it's some bullshit because she says:

Suiren: For goodness' sake.

Yeah Suiren. I feel that in my bones. But when I say it there is usually an F bomb in there somewhere."

Surien is the captain of the JinMao ship and I absolutely love her in this scene, where she's reaching out to Maomao and gently encouraging her to think beyond the overly simplistic worldview of rank.

7.) "Which is a threat to wreck Jinshi's life! It's a declaration of war. Holy shit!...Everyone one of Lakan's moves were so well played, and Jinshi… is trapped."

The characters are not kidding when they say that Lakan is a master strategist. However, given what we are all but told about Jinshi's true rank, they're fairly evenly matched.

8.) "Jinshi addresses Maomao as "apothecary." It's respectful in that it acknowledges her for her skills, she may even like being called this, but it's another sign of the distance between the two. I don't know the last time he called her by her name."

This is usually how he addresses Maomao. I'm not entirely conversant on the language difference, but I think this is an aspect of translation that they're trying to keep. To use "you," is more formal, whereas to use someone's name is much more intimate. Jinshi and Maomao do not have a relationship that allows that type of intimacy, but as he likes her he chooses to call her by her profession rather than her name so that the fact that he's talking to her can't be ignored.

9.) "Lakan is a line she will not cross. An absolute boundary."

This is part of what I love about Jinshi and Maomao's push and pull. He will push her - and sometimes he can fuck up and push her too hard, but when he comes across a boundary like this, what Lakan wants is now irrelevant. This is not a game, this is Maomao's peace of mind and Jinshi will leverage his not inconsiderable tools and abilities to protect her.

10.) "Maomao questions what Suirei is growing here and Suirei claims she planting a medicine for resurrection?

Maomao has a VERY strong reaction to that. Who has died in Maomao's life that she is that desperate to get back? A family member? Someone she loved? A patient she couldn't save?"

Not everything is about trauma. A drug that could resurrect the dead? Now THAT'S something any apothecary worth their salt would love to get their hands on, let alone someone as brilliant and passionate about her profession as Maomao.

11.) "The sun is setting over the palace and the music is ominous. Is something serious about to happen in the next episode?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Ahem.

Let's just say that I saw a gifset of the next episode's ending and it's why I started watching this series myself.

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E18 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

Meimei: one of the princesses of Verdigris House

Suirei: court lady who doesn't like Maomao

Woah. Okay so that's a loaded exchange.

Jinshi: How does one decrease the value of a courtesan? Maomao: In the case of pregnancy, it would reduce it to nearly zero.

There are 7 seconds of silence in this show after that. Yes, I used a stopwatch to time it. That is a freaking insane pause.

Jinshi makes a move to... I don't know exactly, reach out maybe? Reassure Maomao that he's not planning on doing this? I'm not sure. There is a shit ton of subtext to this conversation, that I'm not sure I have completely figured out but I will try.

Jinshi is the more obviously bothered by this statement, by a lot. Maomao is just observing to see how Jinshi responds to it. Essentially what she says is that a man could rape a courtesan and impregnant her to bring her value down, to ruin her. It would bring her value so low that anyone could afford to buy out her contract at that point. Jinshi has not provided any context to why he asked this question, and Maomao is studying him closely to see what he does with the information. I don't believe she thinks he would do this personally to a courtesan, or she wouldn't have told him. But as it appears, they've arrived at a brothel where Jinshi stopped her before going inside to ask this very fucked up question. She has to at least examine the possibility that she is wrong about Jinshi. And I think he passes her scrutiny, but not without damage done. She's disappointed that he is planning on going into this brothel, and that he asked such a depraved question. It hits particularly hard, because just prior to this they were having a nice moment where she opened up about her father. Now she is likely backtracking, either wondering why she bothered, or scolding herself for behaving inappropriately.

As for Jinshi in this scene, he hasn't revealed why he wants the answer to this particular question so badly. But boy does he want it. He let himself and Maomao fall into Lakan's trap just so that Lakan would tell him the answer. But Lakan didn't answer. Instead Jinshi asks Maomao, knowing that the question is inappropriate. He risks damaging the regard between the two of them so that he can get this answer. He's risking widening the rift between them. But why? What use is this answer to Jinshi? Does this have to do with the story Lakan told? Is he concerned about what may have happened to a courtesan in the past? To Maomao's mother? Is there a courtesan in the present that Jinshi is concerned about? Who can say.

In any case, Jinshi can see the damage that asking it has caused. He tries, I think, to backtrack, but it's too late. Maomao is retreating from him. She wants to flee, this conversation hurts for reasons she doesn't want to examine. Thank god Jinshi is emotionally intuitive. He can't let her walk away like this. The rift between them is too large, there is no telling if it could even be fixed if she leaves now. Jinshi grabs her arm.

Jinshi: You're leaving me now?

Maomao explains that her presence would compromise whatever plans he has in the restaurant. And Jinshi has to agree that makes sense, even if he can't put into thoughts or words why his heart is breaking right now.

Jinshi's critical error in this moment is that he is trying to keep Maomao out of what he's up to. He wants to protect her from whatever he's involved in, yet doing so is harmful too. He never tells her why he is visiting this place. He never explains why he asked the question. She is left to fill in the blanks with her own assumptions, with devastating results. In his effort to protect Maomao, Jinshi has harmed her. Jinshi cares for Maomao, but he hasn't learned to fully trust or respect her. And there will never be a relationship without trust. He's still got a lot of work to do before a real relationship can happen.

Maomao: It's fine. I didn't show any emotion when I spoke.

Maomao!!!

Her heart is breaking here too. I'm only surprised she is willing to admit it to herself. Perhaps the anguish of this moment has become too great to deny? For as sad as this scene is, that Maomao is aware and acknowledging her emotions is a major breakthrough! I suspect she's in for some painful moments now that she has to feel her pain, but you can't heal what you don't feel. She's on a path of healing now! Yay!

Oh my god, she even turned around to watch him walk into the building. So good Maomao. You're doing great girl!

Maomao: I truly hope you enjoy your evening good sir.

Maomao you dirty little liar!

Okay so maybe we only get to see a tiny step forward for Maomao, but a tiny step is still progress! I'm just so happy to see anything that pokes past the impasse that Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at for ages.

The fuck kind of nightmare was that?! No wonder Maomao doesn't like to feel her emotions if she gets horrible flashbacks. Was she the baby in that scene? It looked like someone who was horribly injured tried to kill a baby. Apparently they couldn't go through with it. Was this Maomao's courtesan mother? Was she burned or scarred in someway? Perhaps to bring down her value? Or was the baby the product of rape? Was she trying to get rid of the baby to allow her to what? Return to being a courtesan? Seems unlikely with the injuries. Because she hates how the baby was conceived? Because the baby reminds her of the man who did this to her? Maybe to kill the baby so it couldn't be abused by someone else? Maybe because the woman in the scene was planning to kill herself after killing the baby?

Maomao looks at her hand, then thinks about the conversation she had with Jinshi yesterday. She then says of the nightmare that she brought it up. So there is a connection between the conversation and the nightmare. I'm guessing that what Jinshi asked about is exactly what happened to Maomao's mother, which triggered her memory. Why look at her hand? Does this have anything to do with her bandaged arm? Does the neglect or abuse of her mother have something to do with Maomao's low self-worth and the reason she is willing to self harm for her experiments? Or is she looking at her hand just to ground herself in reality, to try to fight back the traumatic memories?

After being awoken by her nightmare, Maomao is comforted by the familiar sight and routine of her father working in the apothecary. He asks her to take a package to Verdigris House.

This is maybe as good a time as any to ponder if Maomao's connection with Verdigris House is greater than that of an apothecary. I mean clearly it is, she considers the people here to be her family. But could she have had blood family that lived here as well? Was her mother one of the courtesans? I think that has been hinted at fairly strongly now.

Maomao is welcomed back with open arms. I'm so glad too see it. When was the last time someone gave Maomao a hug? Was it the last time she was here at the brothel?

Pairin is being harassed by granny to make a choice on something, and Maomao uses the opportunity to sneak away.

Pairin: Is she going to the annex?

I fricking hope so! I've been waiting for this!

Okay, so the annex is part of Verdigris House. And it looks identical to the room in Maomao's nightmare. So this must be where Maomao's mother lived. Perhaps where she died. And Maomao lived here, at least as an infant. How did she end up with Luomen?

Oh shit! Her mother is still alive?! But in a terrible state. She has some terrible illness. And it's not confirmed that this is her mother, but isn't it implied? Either way, Maomao used to be chased out of here by this angry person though it seems she no longer has the energy.

And hold on, I remember a scene from the last time Maomao was in the Verdigris House where granny asked her to tend to what I thought was just an ill courtesan, but perhaps it was this person in the annex.

Maomao's mother patient seems to be in the end stages of her illness. She no longer has energy to even speak. Luomen's once effective treatments don't offer relief, and there is nothing more that can be done. Though she may have been dealing with her decline for a long time Maomao will soon have to deal with the death of her mother. This may not be a healthy relationship, but there will still be grief. We grieve for people even when it's complicated. We also grieve what could have been, what never was. And there is never a good time to lose someone, but certainly some times are worse than others. Much of Maomao's life is uncertain right now, and she just took an emotional blow from her interaction with Jinshi, causing her to dip into the emotions she tries to avoid, now this on top of it. When it rains, it pours.

There is a troublesome customer visiting the Verdigris House. Meimei has been tasked to meet him. How foreboding. It couldn't be Lakan could it? His history with courtesans makes me ill.

Okay so maybe this lady isn't Maomao's mother, maybe she is. Maomao explains that the woman has syphilis. At least Verdigris House takes care of their own. I love that. Luomen may have been able to do something for this woman if he had arrived to serve the brothel during an earlier stage of the illness. There is a flashback here, where we get a glimpse of young Maomao in the brothel. No one trusted the eunuch doctor from no where, even if he could have done something. After contracting syphilis, the lady had to go on serving customers until the sores spread over her whole body, and she was locked up in the annex.

The woman tried to hum a tune, but is unable to to speak. I wonder if Maomao recognizes it.

Little girl: Big sis wanted you to know that the weirdo with the monocle is here, so you should avoid going out there for awhile.

Oh no! It is Lakan! Why is this little girl telling Maomao specifically so she can avoid him? Does he have a history with Maomao at the brothel? I'm trying to recall all of the things that Lakan said about the courtesan he used to visit at Verdigris House. That he could beat her at shogi, but not go. That she never sold herself but that she had an arrogant expression... I mean, I could be looking into it too much, but that... could be Maomao? Did she work as a courtesan here before? Is this why Jinshi is so determined to find out how someone might have reduced the price of a courtesan?! Did he know she used to work here? Does he worry that something terrible has happened to Maomao here? DID IT! Oh my god! It would explain so much about her fear of working as a courtesan, and her trauma. What the fuck happened in this brothel?! And who all knows about it! I demand answers!

I'm going to pull it back a little bit, and return to an earlier theory that Lakan is actually Maomao's biological father. He may have a history with Maomao at the brothel but that may be as a man who was somewhat interested in the daughter he fathered. Understandably, Maomao wants nothing to do with him. We learn here that Maomao knows who Lakan is though. Thank god they didn't run into each other in the palace. Can she really go on avoiding him? He can follow her in the palace or in the Pleasure District.

Maomao refers to Lakan as a long time customer of the Verdigris House, an old acquaintance, but that if she just stays put in the annex, she won't run into him. Okay, but tell me why you don't want to run into him....

Maomao has had a rough day. She's still reeling from her conversation with Jinshi and now she has been trapped all day in the annex with a woman who maybe hates her, so that she can avoid Lakan. She's had nothing to do but think about all the really painful emotions that she usually stays busy to avoid. Meimei finds Maomao hiding out in the annex, and lets her know that Lakan has left. Apparently he has brough up an offer for Maomao?! Maomao hates it, and so do I!

Maomao worries that if she didn't have her job that the madam of Verdigris House would have sold her off to Lakan by now. She thinks that Lakan's interest is the main reason that the madam wants her to become a courtesan. So Lakan is a major contributing factor to why Maomao is so fiercely opposed to being a courtesan. Her terror takes on a new shade of meaning now. If only we knew what has transpired between Maomao and Lakan in the past, we could understand.

Meimei has been given offers to leave the brothel, but has as yet turned them all down. She's getting close to retirement age, but isn't ready for that yet. Maomao asks why she doesn't just leave? To Maomao the freedom to choose would be preferrable to any offer that a customer could make. Maomao thinks that Meimei is holding out for love. Perhaps she is in love with someone already, and is waiting for an offer from that person.

Maomao: Maybe it's love. But if that's the case. It's not a rabbit hole I want to delve into. That's an emotion I'm sure I left behind. Back in the womb of the woman who birthed me.

Nearly every example of romantic love that Maomao has is heartbreaking. She's seen heartbreak after heartbreak in the brothel, with courtesans having promises made to them, and then broken. We don't know the story of her parents, but if her mother is the dying woman in the annex, or if she has died already, then then there is heartbreak in her story as well. Even the concubines in the palace don't have the love of the emperor, instead they merely battle for his attention and favor. The sole example she has seen is that of the concubine who was able to escape the Rear Palace when her military beau was able to secure her release.

Maomao is not open to the idea of love, in fact it is something she tries to avoid, disdains even. This view of love is one of the reasons we have seen her repeatedly shut down any tender emotion she's had, and why she is so willing to read any other explanation when love is directed at herself. And she tells us here, that it stems from her parents. How is she ever going to trust someone enough to love them and be loved in return?

And what a way to talk about one's own mother. "The woman who birthed me." So there is a story there. It sounds like one of abandonment, neglect or abuse, as we've already guessed.

The princesses want to pamper Maomao, and she adores the attention. This girl is so touch starved. I wondered about Maomao's need for physical touch, way back in episode 2 when Jinshi touched Maomao's hair and breathed on her neck. He did it in an effort to try to seduce her, but her reaction was interesting. She didn't get disgusted or freaked out as she did with his flirting. She just kind of let it happen. Now we see it with the courtesans that she considers family. Meimei is scrubbing Maomao's back and she is relaxed and smiling. The courtesans love Maomao so much, I wish she could have this kind of affection all the time.

Hard transition to Jinshi. A man who maybe has never had a hug in his life, except for the back hug he stole from Maomao when he was drunk. He's regretting that his date went so terribly, he didn't mean to give the impression to Maomao that he was trying to hook up with someone. He tells us that it definitely wasn't what he traveled there for, which is really unnecessary. No one who has been watching this show believed he was. I would like for him to tell us what he was up to though.

Maomao has retuned to Jinshi's residence, and Jinshi steels himself to face her. He's embarrassed and knows he's once again put space between them, when all he wants to do is find a way to get closer. Plus, it looks like he's carrying that jug of... beverage that Lakan left. He presents it as a present from a weirdo. Their conversation lacks all of the usual banter, and is perfectly polite, which for these two is a disaster. Jinshi watches her walk away. He's not sure where to even begin to repair this. He's frustrated. Maomao is doing her best to pretend like Jinshi already left. Gaoshun is there listening closely. Suiren is there watching Maomao and wondering what has changed, but knows it's some bullshit because she says:

Suiren: For goodness' sake.

Yeah Suiren. I feel that in my bones. But when I say it there is usually an F bomb in there somewhere.

Maomao is having very complicated feelings about having seen her mother the woman in the annex. It's distracting her from her work. It seems bad, but it's a good sign that Maomao is starting to face her emotions and try to process them, rather than avoid them.

Suiren thinks Maomao's distraction has to do with the master of the residence so she decides it's time to say something. Suiren realizes that hints and subtly don't work so well for Maomao when it comes to herself. She needs very blunt advice, which Suiren provides.

Suiren encourages Maomao to ask Jinshi for some space for her apothecary supplies.

Suiren: You may appear apathetic, but you're keen. You know where you stand, and how to play the game.

Yes! Call her on her bullshit Suiren!

Suiren: Because somebody was born noble doesn't inherently make them any different from you or me.

She's telling Maomao to quit looking at Jinshi as some lofty official, see him as a person.

Suiren: If you view everything in terms of status, then you'll miss opportunities.

Thank you Suiren! Internalize that Maomao. Put it in your head and keep it there.

Maomao has an errand to run at the court pharmacy, and she's delighted. She'll sparkling here. If only Maomao could be employed here.

The odd court lady that smacked Maomao in the head a few episodes back has arrived. Maomao figures that this lady works in the guard house and handles herbs in her job, which is why she had a bitter smell earlier, here I thought she was on drugs. Maomao ponders why the lady dislikes her so much, when they've had so little interaction.

A little casual classism for flavor. The pharmacist bemoans that the court lady is required to come pick up drugs herself. Then realizes he said it in front of Maomao and tries to back track. It's not okay work for a court lady, but fine for servant. That comment right on the heals of Suiren's much better advice about class.

Maomao discovers that the item she was sent to pick up was potato flour and wonders why Jinshi needs it. She pieces together a few things about Jinshi's actions. She suspects his actions are part of a purification ceremony that would be used to perform ceremonial rights. Something a nobleman might do. Something that would be strange for a eunuch to do. I'm tired of this theme. Moving on.

Gaoshun and Jinshi are trying to piece together the mystery of Luomen, but Jinshi can't stop thinking about how things are so distant and confused between himself and Maomao, right now. And just to make sure Jinshi never gets a moments peace, Lakan arrives.

Lakan is in the same house where Maomao is right now, and on the one hand I'm hoping they don't run into each other for Maomao's well being, but on the other hand, let's get this plot moving along. It's time to throw Maomao to the wolves.

Question: why does Lakan bring his own beverage whenever he visits? Is he afraid of being poisoned?

Jinshi isn't even bothering to hide how irritated he is at this visit. That's telling. And maybe a mistake. Or maybe intentional.

Jinshi: It seems to me, that you had engaged in some dirty trickery. Lakan: How very rude. That's rich to hear from a thief like yourself.

Gasp! Jinshi a thief?! Go on!

Oh no! Lakan really was trying to get Maomao. He spent a decade trying to get Maomao? Maomao who is what? All of 17 or 18 here? Has he been trying to get Maomao out of the brothel since she was a child? With good intentions or bad ones? Lakan feels he's been made a fool. He tell Jinshi he's upset with him over this.

Jinshi is worried, pissed, and oh so intent.

Jinshi: So do you want your prize returned?

I'm fairly certain that Jinshi wouldn't do that, and is just moving the conversation to find out Lakan's intentions.

Lakan: Not quite. I will pay whatever it is you ask.

That's... a hell of a look from Jinshi. So intense! Jinshi fucking hates this guy.

Jinshi: And if I refuse?

Lakan: Well then, I suppose there is nothing I can do is there.

Which is a threat to wreck Jinshi's life! It's a declaration of war. Holy shit!

Lakan: How many people could defy a man of your rank? I could count every single one of them on one hand.

The imperial family maybe? Yup that's it. Jinshi knows that Lakan knows his true identity.

Oh my god. Lakan knows everything!

Lakan: I'm just concerned you know. About what my daughter would think.

He's threatening to expose the truth about Jinshi, and hits him where it hurts the most: Maomao. Jinshi was worried that Maomao may be this man's daughter, and Lakan just confirmed as much.

Jinshi is tense. Hands balled into fists, posture wary, as Lakan asks to meet Maomao. This asshole has been following Maomao. First at the brothel and now to Jinshi's residence.

Everyone one of Lakan's moves were so well played, and Jinshi... is trapped. He once again has to make a choice between the obligations of his station and his own personal desires. He can give this official what he is asking for and go on business as usual, after all what is one servant over another? It would be an easy decision for someone else other than Jinshi, if it were about someone else, other than Maomao.

Jinshi looks deep in thought when he comes upon Maomao while the sun is setting. Is something ending here?

Jinshi addresses Maomao as "apothecary." It's respectful in that it acknowledges her for her skills, she may even like being called this, but it's another sign of the distance between the two. I don't know the last time he called her by her name.

Jinshi seems very nervous to bring this up to Maomao. You can hear the tension in his voice. Unusual for Jinshi, when he is usually bold and shameless when interacting with Maomao. It's a sign of just how precarious things are between the two right now. Also, a sign of just how divided Jinshi is about even bringing this suggestion to Maomao.

Jinshi: There's... an official who wants to meet you sometime soon. ... It's...that weirdo I've been telling you about. His name's... Lakan.

A pause. Then a fricking jump scare of Maomao's intense glare! This glare isn't giving Jinshi chills in the fun way. She looks legit scary. It reminds me of a frightened animal that has been backed into a corner and has no choice left but to fight. Lakan is a line she will not cross. An absolute boundary. With one look she declares that there is nothing she won't do to avoid that meeting.

Jinshi: I'll find a way to let him down gently.

Jinshi, Jinshi, Jinshi.... what the hell are you going to do? If you can't convince Maomao to see Lakan, and you won't force her to do it, then your other choice is to go to war with Lakan.

Jinshi: I've never seen her make a face like that. I never want to see it again. Ever.

I hope he means that as I'm going to do everything I can to keep her protect her from Lakan. I hope this is a turning point for Jinshi, where he chooses Maomao in a real way. I hope he won't waver again on this, allowing Lakan room to maneuver Maomao and himself.

Maomao is distressed that Lakan has found her again. She goes to collect medicinal herbs. A familiar and comforting activity.

She is approached by Suirei who cares for the herb garden near the military officers' part of the palace. Maomao questions what Suirei is growing here and Suirei claims she planting a medicine for resurrection?

Maomao has a VERY strong reaction to that. Who has died in Maomao's life that she is that desperate to get back? A family member? Someone she loved? A patient she couldn't save?

Suirei claims to be joking. What a strange lady. Are we absolutely sure she's not on drugs? The music is unsettling in this scene and so is Suirei. She asks how good of an apothecary Maomao is then tells her she's going to plant morning glories here. I happen to know that those are poisonous! Is Suirei hoping to make a poison? Will she try to get Maomao to do it?

The sun is setting over the palace and the music is ominous. Is something serious about to happen in the next episode?

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Coming soon!

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #jinshi #maomao #jinshi and maomao #jinshi x maomao #jinmao #apothecary diaries meta #character analysis #reacts

[cjrae]

Series: Reaction to a reaction - Episode 17.

At some point, you just have to stop clogging the comment section with their character limits and hit "reblog" like an adult. @i-guess-im-into-this-now, let's have some fun!

1.) "Maomao sees Jinshi first thing in the morning and is stunned by his beauty. She's annoyed at herself for being so affected by this man."

Yeah. You don't spend this much time thinking about just how pretty someone is if you're not attracted to them. This is one of the things I enjoy so much about their dynamic is that Maomao is attracted to him and is SO MAD about it! Something that comes across better in the light novels is that the very first thing about Jinshi that Maomao is attracted to his voice. Kaiji Tang, the English language voice actor brings this aspect of the character to life. You can see that first moment of mutual attraction all the way back in Episode 2, when he steals one of her chocolate snacks. You notice he stands behind her, where she can't see him, but his presence is felt while speaking words of appreciation in her ear and ghosting his breath over her neck. It's the first time in the episode that the animators don't show her shuddering in disgust - instead she's caught wide eyed and frozen at her own reaction.

2.) "Before Maomao commits to altering Jinshi's face, she can't resist putting some lipstick on him. Just to see. A little experiment if you will. One that now lives rent free in the minds of not only Maomao, but Gaoshun and Suiren too. I would give anything to see Jinshi in full glam in this show."

**LAUGHS IN MANGA** Next season. Trust me, it'll be worth the wait. Or you can read the manga, chapters 47 & 48, titled "The Moon Fairy."

3.) "Basan is here, hanging back and watching Jinshi live out another one of his fantasies. Will Basan become jealous? One can only hope!"

I think it's pretty clear that Basen has absolutely no interest in Maomao. I do love the moment when Jinshi catches him and smirks, letting Basen know that he's not blending into the background nearly as well as he thinks he is.

4.) "Gaoshun thinks that Jinshi can't afford to be so focused on Maomao. Maybe he's worried about how Maomao makes Jinshi more susceptible to manipulation from people like Lakan. Or maybe he means that with Jinshi's status, that it can't be allowed."

I mean, we are talking about a setting where the men of the imperial family are encouraged to plant as many "seeds" as possible in the garden. At least it's not an Ottoman harem setting where once the crown prince ascends to the throne, the remaining male heirs are summarily executed. Just as the women of the Rear Palace are expected to be chaste and share a single man, there's an equally powerful expectation that it's the man's duty to spread his attention around in order to perpetuate the line - and speaking from a purely political standpoint, assuming Jinshi's identity is as theorized, that is a duty he is pointedly NOT doing.

5.) "I've come to realize that this show is going to be much, much longer than the single season I'm on. The progress of this romance is like the slowest slow burn."

Well, if it follows the pace of the light novels, we'll be talking about the start of a mutual relationship at the end of Season 6. A therapist would not help with this fear of intimacy - Maomao would just shut it down. You mentioned in an earlier review that one of the things Maomao likes about Jinshi is the fact that he pushes her and I think you absolutely nailed that. At this point the fastest way out of the River of Denial is through.

Plenty will happen in the intervening time, though. I think part of why this story has grabbed so many people is because the romance is the emotional through line of the story, but it's not the driver of the plot. That frees up the plot (and the antagonists) to have motivations other than thwarting True Love that create an environment for these two to struggle though together.

6.) "She says she could have taken Jinshi to some place in the Pleasure District if this was what he was interested in. She sounds disappointed in Jinshi, or maybe she is disappointed in herself for the jealousy she feels."

Yeah...she is NOT happy about being attracted to this man, and as she talks about how much she loves and respects Luomen, it's worth paying attention to the qualities about her father that she both immensely respects and is extremely frustrated by. It's very telling.

7.) "Jinshi is stunned, or perhaps horrified to realize what it might take to lower the value of a courtesan."

Well, it's a complete inverse of how the women of the Rear Palace are valued and an interesting continuation in the comparison of palaces and brothels. Both are places where women's sexuality are commodified, but the goals are opposite. A high class courtesan's job is to either be completely unavailable and pure in order to provoke expensive fantasies of having her, vs a consort's job to get pregnant with male heirs as many times as possible. It is literally Jinshi's job to facilitate as many pregnancies in the Rear Palace as possible and to intervene with any factor that could terminate one, because a consort's value is in her ability to bear children.

This story has a lot of interesting things to say about how the ability to control your own reproductive cycle (on behalf of both men and women) is connected to the ability to find true human relationships.

8.) "Lakan is bad news."

The next three episodes are going to be SO MUCH FUN to watch you react to. :D Next time, on the Apothecary Diaries: Maomao's actual trauma!

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E17 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Basan - an officer who works in the palace

This episode opens with Jinshi asking Maomao for help with makeup, and Suiren decides that this is a great time to leave these two alone. Maomao believes that to make Jinshi any more beautiful would cause men to go to war.

Maomao: If this man in all his heavenly glory were to put on makeup... Are you trying to topple a nation?

Jinshi: Where'd that come from? On second thought, I would rather you don't tell me.

Is he? Not that he's trying to use his looks to do it, but it's an interesting thought. Is Jinshi interested in toppling a nation? Or perhaps dethroning an emperor? What an interesting thing to ponder. Also, is Jinshi worried that Maomao suspects him capable of insurgency?

Jinshi very much cannot afford to be found talking about toppling nations. I'm sure that the people in power who know who he really is, are already keeping an eye on him to see if he will make a play for the throne. Perhaps it is one of the reasons he was sent to manage the Rear Palace. If he makes a single misstep that could be seen as disloyal to the emperor, it would be enough to depose of Jinshi.

Ah! Jinshi wants some freckles! No, he wants to look like a completely different person. I'm sure he has a reason for wanting this disguise, but to Jinshi who has been the target of so much sexual harassment, being able to look common must feel like having a shield. He and Maomao can probably relate on this. Unlike Maomao, Jinshi can't do this regularly, his beauty is a tool that he is required to use. I also don't know that he would choose to change his appearance regularly. Even if he sees his beauty as a curse, I think he's comfortable enough with his appearance that he doesn't want to regularly alter it. Maomao does offer a more permeant solution, and Jinshi turns it down. His refusal could be because he needs his beauty as a tool, but I would guess that he doesn't want to change himself. All of that said, he's looking forward to this disguise that Maomao is going to prepare.

Maomao sees Jinshi first thing in the morning and is stunned by his beauty. She's annoyed at herself for being so affected by this man.

Jinshi: What's this? Why are you already wearing a scowl? Maomao: It's nothing. I was just noticing how lovely you are yet again. Jinshi: A little early for sarcasm.

Jinshi has tried to use his appearance on Maomao before, and it has failed every time. She's made it clear that she's not interested in him because of how he looks, so to get a comment like this one, he's sure she's teasing him. Which she is but she's also serious. It's interesting that Maomao is letting Jinshi know that she sees the physical appeal of him, when she never has before. And it's happening in an unguarded moment when Jinshi isn't trying to preen or seduce. I wonder why it's happening now. Perhaps it is just something that has been growing.

Maomao does something that disturbs everyone in the room for different reasons. She grabs Jinshi's wrist and sniffs him. Jinshi is blushing, the action a lascivious one to him. Suiren and Gaoshun interpret it the same way, but are shocked to witness it. Maomao explains that his disguise needs to start from his scent.

Jinshi ponders how well Maomao understands the world of the courtesan. He considers Lakan's suggestion to ask Maomao about how to lower a courtesan's value. Will he work up the nerve to ask? Jinshi isn't one to shy away from difficult conversations, however this is a loaded question. Asking it could reflect poorly on Jinshi. We shall see.

And does Maomao know anything about makeup? The gal was an apothecary that worked in a brothel. I'm sure she's an expert.

And she is. Her brilliance mixed with her experience means she's a master of disguise. She uses various methods to completely overhaul Jinshi's appearance, down to the most intimate details such as scent and sound of his voice. During Maomao's work to transform Jinshi, she takes time to admire various parts of Jinshi's body, such as the smoothness of his hair, the clarity of his skin, and the tone of his physique.

Jinshi is enjoying having Maomao's full attention on him and her hands all over his body, and he's going to think about this day every night before he goes to sleep. Maomao will probably also think about this day. It's a rather convenient excuse for both of them to enjoy some intimacy that they won't allow without the pretense. Meanwhile, Suiren can barely handle the multiple indignities that Jinshi has to endure to don this disguise.

Before Maomao commits to altering Jinshi's face, she can't resist putting some lipstick on him. Just to see. A little experiment if you will. One that now lives rent free in the minds of not only Maomao, but Gaoshun and Suiren too. I would give anything to see Jinshi in full glam in this show.

Nothing gets past Maomao and she finds the callouses on Jinshi's palms, surmising that he must train with weapons, which she notes is not a typical eunuch activity. Add that to the mountain of evidence that Jinshi is more than a eunuch official, that Maomao will promptly ignore.

Oh hell yeah! Suiren and Gaoshun are teaming up to send Maomao on a date with Jinshi. He couldn't possibly be seen with his usual companions, that would be too suspicious. Maomao points out the obvious, which is that she is also a well known attendant of Jinshi's. No problem, Maomao can be given a disguise too. And what Gaoshun couldn't? These two could not be more transparent. It's too bad that Maomao can't read this kind of obvious play when it relates to herself.

Maomao is dressed as a pretty young lady from a good family. And she is accompanied by Jinshi who is going out as her attendant. Jinshi loves this role reversal, and Maomao is teaching him how to play his part well. Who they are performing for isn't clear.

Basan is here, hanging back and watching Jinshi live out another one of his fantasies. Will Basan become jealous? One can only hope!

Jinshi is getting progressively more upset that Maomao is drifting in her own thoughts instead of chatting with him. He gets all pouty when Maomao says they have nothing to talk about. His fantasy date isn't going how he imagined it would.

Maomao picks up some meat skewers and after removing the cotton from his mouth Jinshi tucks in with fond memories from "camp." I'm assuming he's talking about time spent with the military. Maomao notes this isn't typical of a eunuch. I wonder what is even left on the list of things about Jinshi that resemble a eunuch.

Suiren and Gaoshun have a discussion about Jinshi and Maomao while they're out. They are pleased with themselves for setting up this outing, but Suiren is referring to Maomao as a toy, as Gaoshun used to. She talks about Jinshi as a boy and how he would fixate on one thing, and how Gaoshun would struggle to find something else to shift his attention. Gaoshun thinks that Jinshi can't afford to be so focused on Maomao. Maybe he's worried about how Maomao makes Jinshi more susceptible to manipulation from people like Lakan. Or maybe he means that with Jinshi's status, that it can't be allowed.

I've come to realize that this show is going to be much, much longer than the single season I'm on. The progress of this romance is like the slowest slow burn. Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at an impasse for ages. Whenever they do make progress it's in the smallest increment possible that takes more brain power than I have to process and tease out. But I've digressed.

Basan looks like he's starting to enjoy this assignment now that he's picked up some meat skewers, and he can now enjoy both a juicy meal and the juicy conversation he's overhearing.

Jinshi is hurt that Maomao seems to want to get away from him as soon as possible. He asks her very earnestly if she enjoys her life in the palace. She really does, but she is worried about her father.

Maomao reveals more about her father Luomen. I think Jinshi is starting to put some pieces together about what position Luomen might have held. He'll need those clues when he gets closer to figuring out Maomao's true identity.

And it is good to see Maomao open up a little bit. She so rarely talks to Jinshi or anyone about her past, her hopes or her fears. That she does so here, with Jinshi is a step towards friendship.

Maomao sees the restaurant that Jinshi has an appointment at and notices all the ladies hanging over the men outside. She says she could have taken Jinshi to some place in the Pleasure District if this was what he was interested in. She sounds disappointed in Jinshi, or maybe she is disappointed in herself for the jealousy she feels. That she both thinks Jinshi is a eunuch and that he want to visit a courtesan is... interesting. Not that I don't think a eunuch couldn't have fun at a brothel, mind you, but still, her ability to misread a situation is always interesting. I'm confident that Jinshi is not here to meet up with someone for the reasons Maomao thinks. He may be here to meet a courtesan, but if he is, than it is to gather intel.

Honestly I'd support Jinshi if he were here for a hook up. He's committed to no one at this point, and at this rate he'll hook up with Maomao by about the time he is old enough to functionally be a eunuch, so have at it. Go wild Jinshi.

Jinshi finally gets up the courage to ask a terrible question: how to reduce the value of a courtesan. Maomao answers as I expected, you either take her purity or worse yet, you impregnant her. I'm gonna be sick. Lakan is so terrible. Just why is Jinshi so interested in this topic? Is this all to find dirt on Lakan? Does Jinshi suspect Maomao's origins are from the courtesan that Lakan "decreased the value of?" Does Jinshi have his own motives for wanting to decrease the value of a courtesan?

Jinshi is stunned, or perhaps horrified to realize what it might take to lower the value of a courtesan. It's a surreal conversation between these two. Maomao has to wonder why Jinshi is even asking the question. I can't think that she would believe Jinshi wants to use this method to decrease the value of a courtesan, but perhaps she thinks he might be interested in purchasing someone's contract? I don't know what Jinshi hopes to do with the info. Is this something he hopes to figure out to help him against Lakan? If he was hoping the answer would help him find a way to help Maomao, he now knows it's a method that he won't be willing to use. I really can't see him trying to take her purity or impregnate her. If those things were ever going to happen, he would want them to be out of mutual affection, which is still lightyears away.

I kept expecting this outing to be fun, and parts of it are, but there is so much that is undefined and unsaid between these two that there is an unsteady tension throughout the whole outing. Ultimately, the date fails to change any of it. Maomao does open up a bit about her father which is amazing. We so rarely see her talk about her life or her hopes or goals. Jinshi listens intently. And that is kind of the highlight of the day to me.

Obviously the final conversation about how to reduce the cost of a courtesan is important too. But without seeing the end of that conversation I can only guess what impact a question like that might have on these two's relationship. Because the implications of even asking the question aren't great, and I don't know where Maomao's mind is. What does she think Jinshi capable of? I tend to think she knows and trusts Jinshi pretty well, but when there is emotion involved her judgement gets all screwy.

And we haven't yet learned what Jinshi is up to. He wanted to come here in disguise for a reason. I assume he is trying to get information to help him against Lakan. At least, I hope that's what he's up to. Lakan is bad news.

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Coming Soon!

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinshi and maomao #apothecary diaries meta #character analysis #jinmao #long text post #reacts

[cjrae]

I don't recognize this plot, but reblogging for exposure. Anyone know what story this is?

hello! can you help me find this book?

it was about a russian messenger man. he was tasked with sending a very important message at the other side of the country. a war of some kind was going on, and the journey was very dangerous. he travelled by train, by horse and by many other means through the siberian mountains

there were two notable background characters that met several times during their travels: two newspapers reporters, one that talked a lot and the other who observed a lot. i think they were french and english respectively

at one point, messenger man has to cross a border. he has a special messenger permit so he has no trouble. while waiting in line, he sees a girl that wants to cross the border too. some problem happens, and the girl isn't allowed to cross. messenger takes pity on this girl and steps up, saying that he's her brother and that she's with her. they both cross the border together, and after thanking him, the girl goes her own way

the main event i remember from the book was that at some point the messenger was captured by the people doing the war, and as punishment, they offered him the most extravagant circus(? performance before blinding him by raising an incandescent sword up to his eyes. his mother was also there (i think), and both were taken prisoners

if this story sounds familiar, please let me know!

spoilers for the end of the book under the cut

the messenger man reached his destiny, a fancy palace hosting a party, and faced the villain alone in his room. the villain knew the messenger had been blinded, so he attacked him, but messenger dodged his attack effortlessly. confused, the villain attacked him again, and again his attack was evaded. the villain continues attacking messenger man, growing enraged that he cannot land a single blow on him, when he realises. messenger could see. the villain stands back, shocked by this fact (at this point of the story, around one quarter of the book had had messenger man being taken cared of by his mother as a blind man for several weeks while being captured by the enemy). messenger man reveals his secret. when the sword was raised to his eyes, tears swelled in his eyes at the thought of leaving his mother with no children, and the tears protected his eyes from the heat of the blade. in the end, messenger defeats the villain and successfully delivers his message. i think he wins like a ton of medals for his achievements, but i don't remember what happens to him after the book is over. that's all i got!

[cjrae]

Pride and Prejudice 1995 text posts, part 3 of ?

More: Sense and Sensibility 1995 text posts | Northanger Abbey 2007 text posts | Emma. 2020 text posts

[cjrae]

This is a great review that very succinctly gets across why The Apothecary Diaries has been so compelling for me to watch!

The Apothecary Diaries

What, we are talking manga now on this blog?

Of course!

Ever since I fell into a Maomao/Jinshi shaped hole on Crunchyroll, I have been taken hostage by this story. Needless to say, I immediately went on to read the manga and found myself captivated even further - so much that I am actually shipping Maomao and Jinshi, and those who know me know that me shipping a straight couple happens once every ten years. But the chemistry between them- oh, where could I possibly begin!

But, as always, first things first.

Synopsis: The young apothecary Maomao grows up in a brothel and lives with a physician whom she regards as her adoptive father. On her quest to find new herbs, the young woman is abducted by human traffickers and sold to the Imperial Court to work as a maid. Soon, however, her skills as a healer and her incredibly sharp wit attract the attention of the eunuch Jinshi, whose true identity is a well-kept secret. Soon, Maomao finds herself in the very midst of the intrigues of the court as the personal food taster of the Emperor's favourite consort, and it is there where the mysteries begin...

Truth be told: The Apothecary Diaries did not lure me in immediately. I had seen the manga in some bookshops, but the art style gave me the impression of "yet another shojo manga" and I did not bother reading the blurb. Then, I got a subscription to Crunchyroll and decided to give the anime adaption a try and-- here we are. Now that I have also read the manga and still follow it, I felt the need to give a review.

When looking for manga to read or anime to watch, I can be very picky. I am not easily impressed by what is currently popular and I need a story to grab me by the throat and shake me thoroughly, only to rip out my heart, tear it into pieces, mend it and put it back again. Most anime and manga that are currently popular in Germany are of the shonen genre, which is not really what I am into. But how would I classify The Apothecary Diaries?

What Natsu Hyūga has created with her Light Novels and now with the manga is a beautiful mix of romance, mystery, and comedy, embedded in a gorgeous historical setting inspired by Imperial China. Set at the Imperial Court, the reader is thrown into a fantastical world of pomp and splendour where everything, from things to food to women, is at only one man's disposal. What sounds like a classical harem trope is one only to a certain extent. The system of the court is merely described, not glorified, but also not judged. In that, Maomao is an excellent main character to follow as she mostly observes and makes her conclusions, only to state at the end of it: but it's not my business anyway. I am not sure if I have ever seen/read a main character like her before that draws such a strict line between her own life and the business of other people - perhaps she is a bit like Jane Eyre, but with a passion for poison. The deadpan exchanges she has with Jinshi definitely reminded me of the conversations between Jane and Rochester, minus the psychological manipulation.

Maomao could have easily become a Mary-Sue character with little personality beyond her enthusiasm for all sorts of poison. However, she is a strong-willed young woman with flaws that are entirely believable, such as her assumption that she might lack typical human emotion due to her upbringing. At the same time, she stays wary and follows the advice of her adoptive father to never make assumptions out loud, and to never ask questions, lest she might fall into something that is none of her business and might harm her in the end. She is aware that as a woman not following a traditional path, she must be even more careful, but at the same time, does not judge women that follow or even want a traditional life. Jinshi is intrigued by that, but also by her skill and her wisdom which she never flaunts, but only ever expresses as a passion of hers that she is not ashamed of. It is a pure joy to watch Jinshi grow fond of her, yes, fall in love with her for what she is, says, and does, while Maomao stays all the while entirely oblivious, not thinking of herself as particularly pretty or lovable based on her low social status. Said status does not bother her much and she does not attempt to change it even though it would be within her means to do so - her decision to stay away from what could become her birthright is entirely understandable for the reader and makes Maomao even more fascinating.

The character of the eunuch Jinshi is a masterful mirror of reader reactions to Maomao up until the point where his own story unfolds. Born at court to a mother belonging to an emperor and raised in a golden cage, his true identity is unknown to most beside a selected few that also keep his identity hidden. The purpose of this secrecy is slowly unveiled just as the reader learns of the weight resting on Jinshi's shoulders, and Maomao's appearance at court seems to shake him out of a rigour he has been subjected to for a very long time. Although everyone's favourite at court, Jinshi is alone in his beauty and Maomao, observant in terms of both plants and people, soon realises how lonely the man is and how deep the secrets run. After all, the man is far too beautiful to be a eunuch. But even here, she stays true to her credo of not getting involved in anyone's business unless she is forced to, even as the chance arises to learn the truth.

Especially noteworthy is that while the world of Maomao and Jinshi is a golden one at court, Natsu Hyūga does not shy away from depicting the horrible things that humans can do to each other. Various darker topics are covered: human trafficking, child abuse, rape, pedophilia, the exploitation of women and children in the name of royalty, envy, and the illusion of free choice. The world of The Apothecary Diaries is not a kind one to women - Maomao points that out, reflects on it several times and knows that she, by her gender alone, is viewed as inferior. It does not stop her from pursuing her goals, but it keeps her incredibly aware of her surroundings. Many times, stories like that fall into the trap of creating a female main character that is "not like other girls" and constantly belittles the women and girls that seemingly fit the picture. Maomao might not be a courtesan, concubine, noble lady, or consort, and she might not necessarily have traditionally female interests such as fashion and jewellery, but she never belittles the women around her for their interests or life choices. This is an incredibly refreshing take and speaks of the excellent skill of the author to create a female character that is special, in some ways The Chosen One, but also likeable, obscure, and true to herself.

The manga is still ongoing, and I have no doubt that the story will take the reader down many dark and twisted paths. As for myself, I am rooting for Maomao and Jinshi as well as for the vast array of lovable side characters such as Gao Shun and Ba Sen, the consorts, the courtesans, and many more. I am excited to watch this story develop further and I am glad that I clicked "play" on that first episode two weeks ago. What a jewel of a story I have found there, and what a joy it is to follow the story of the incredible, funny, and absolutely insane Maomao.

#the apothecary #kusuriya no hitorigoto #maomao #jinshi #manga #review #books #jinshi and maomao #jinshi x maomao #jinmao

[cjrae]

@magnetoisright this sounds just like you!

inspired by the scariest words my dm has ever said to me and the subsequent coolest (AND SCARIEST) scene of my life

[cjrae]

[cjrae]

Artist By からすまい

#frieren: beyond journey's end #sousou no frieren #frieren #himmel #art

[cjrae]

Spy x Family workbook scans - part 1

The Spy x Family workbooks are a series of Japanese books for helping children learn. There are three total as of now: one for English, one for programming, and one for drawing. I wanted to get the books not just because they're good Japanese practice, but because they feature original illustrations of Anya and the other SxF characters in adorable chibi style ❤️ I'll be sharing some scans from each book, starting with the English one.

First off are the character bios. I find it hilarious that the book mentions Yor's job as an assassin...not a word I'd expect to find in a children's book 😅

The book goes through the different letters of the English alphabet along with sample words featuring the SxF characters, like "B" for "Bond" and "A" for "Anya." I didn't scan all 26 letters, but here are some of my favorites!

Both Loid and Damian are having such lavish meals, lol. Also Henderson gets "E" for "elegant" of course.

I love how Bond looks so worried about Yor's cooking 😂

My two favorites of these, "Father" and "Mother" of course~

And two of the weirdest ones, Yuri and a giant gorilla for "G" and Franky fishing an octopus for "O." Kinda random, lol.

Next are some activity pages, like a maze and common phrase practice.

I gotta say that despite this book being aimed at young children who probably aren't hardcore SxF fans, it tries to feature even obscure characters like the Forgers' neighbors, the lady from the tailor shop, and Martha. Kudos to the book authors for trying to be as faithful to the SxF universe as possible!

The book even adapts a couple of already established illustrations, like the below one that's similar to the Boss Coffee collab.

Also this one that's similar to the extra Endo illustration for chapter 36!

And here's a couple more to wrap up this post! Cute family dinner time...

...and domestic Twiyor ❤️ Loid is so determined to fix Penguinman!

[cjrae]

Japanese Linguistic Observations in Spy x Family - part 2

Part 2 - Anya's "Anya-isms"

I think Anya has one of the most interesting ways of speaking out of all the SxF characters. But like with Twilight's dialogue that I previously discussed, it can only be fully appreciated in the Japanese version. Probably the most noticeable thing about her dialogue is how it's written compared to the other characters.

Written Japanese is comprised of three different alphabets: ひらがな (hiragana) and カタカナ (katakana), which together are referred to as "kana," and 漢字 (kanji). Kanji are the characters that hold the meaning of words, while kana simply represent the various Japanese syllable sounds and don't have any meaning on their own (much like the letters of the English alphabet). There are only about 100-ish total unique kana symbols, however, there are over 2,000 kanji in common use today. So Japanese children will start out learning kana and then learn kanji gradually during their school years. This is why Japanese children's books are typically written only or mostly in kana. This is also why manga and books aimed at a younger audience will have kana "translations" of kanji written above kanji characters, which are called furigana.

With that in mind, it's not surprising that all of Anya's dialogue in the Japanese version of the SxF manga is written entirely in kana. Even though using kanji in her dialogue wouldn't necessarily mean she knows kanji, reading a character's dialogue only in kana definitely gives off childish vibes – it conveys feelings of youthfulness and innocence, like "they're speaking only in kana because they don't know the kanji for these words…they're just a little kid, after all." At least, that's the feeling I get when I read Anya's dialogue. Though I haven't read enough manga in Japanese to say for sure, it seems like this concept of making little kids speak only in kana is not unusual, as there's at least one other example I know of: a manga from the mid-2000s called Yotsuba also has a titular 5-year old whose dialogue is written only in kana.

What's also interesting is that all of the other Eden kids speak "normally," using kana and kanji properly in their dialogue. This helps to convey the fact that, despite Anya being roughly the same age as them, their "rich family" upbringing has forced them to grow up faster. In the below panel, you can see how Damian's dialogue uses kanji (with furigana translations) while Anya's uses only kana, even for words that have kanji.

Interestingly, I found at least two cases where Anya does use kanji in her dialogue: when she's calling out the name of her big "Arrow of Light, Seize the Star" move during the dodgeball game, and when she calls out her "Lighting Bolt, Deliver my Aid" move when she tries to throw Yor's weapon back on the deck in the cruise arc. As you can see in the below panels, the names of these "moves" is written in kanji (with furigana translations). This makes sense not only because this is parodying shonen series where the characters shout out the names of their moves, but because it emphasizes how determined Anya was at these moments.

But going back to how Anya's speech compares to the other kids, another thing that stands out is that she speaks very "plainly." Her grammar is (mostly) correct, except for a few mistakes you'd expect a little kid to make. But she uses pretty much no colloquialisms, almost as if she knows the language but lacks the experience for using it in normal social interactions. I don't think this is unusual for a kid her age who's still learning, but it definitely stands out when compared to her classmates. For example, in the below panel, Becky uses normal interjections and other colloquialisms in her speech, like "ne" (ね), "wa" (わ), and "yo" (よ), which are all standard Japanese linguistic devices for softening or emphasizing your sentences. However, Anya doesn't use things like this in her speech. Again, this makes her speech come off as very plain and abrupt, almost like she's not a native speaker.

She also refers to herself in third person all the time in the Japanese version. In fact, I don't recall her ever using an "I" or "me" pronoun. I don't know why the English version of the manga doesn't keep this characteristic of her speech. I think it's very important in highlighting the childish aspect of her personality.

Putting all this together – the fact that she doesn't use typical colloquial speech and refers to herself in third person – really emphasizes the childish, naive, and almost baby-like nature of her character. I'm curious if Endo made her speak this way simply to show what a little kid she is compared to her classmates, or if it will somehow tie back to whatever roots she has in classical languages that he keeps hinting at. Regardless, as I mentioned in my full Anya analysis, what she lacks in speech and school smarts, she makes up for in empathy and resourcefulness.

Besides all this, Anya does make typical speech mistakes a normal kid would make, like mishearing words or saying things wrong. She mostly uses casual speech, but does try to use keigo (polite speech) on occasion, though not always correctly. For example, she says "ohayaimasu" (おはやいます) for "good morning" instead of "ohaiyou gozaimasu" (おはようございます).

But the most consistent "mistake" she makes (though it's not really a mistake) is what she calls Loid and Yor – "chichi" (ちち) and "haha" (はは) respectively.

Japanese has many different words for relatives depending on whether you're talking about your own relatives or someone else's, and whether you're talking to them or about them. "Chichi" and "haha" are the general, neutral terms for "father" and "mother," and are also used when talking about your parents to someone else. However, they're not used when talking directly to your mother and father. There are many other words for that, the usual ones being "o-tou-san" (お父さん) and "o-kaa-san" (お母さん), or some variations of these with different honorifics. Damian refers to his dad as "chichi-ue" (父上) which is very formal, while Becky calls her dad the actual English word "papa" (パパ) which is very informal and normal for kids to use. But again, "chichi" and "haha" are typically only used when talking about your parents, not to them the way Anya uses them. This started from the very first chapter where Loid asks her to call him something that sounds "elite." He originally suggests the very formal "o-tou-sama" (お父さま), but when Anya says "chichi," he doesn't bother to correct her.

Hearing a little kid call her dad and mom "chichi" and "haha" is kind of like calling them "my father" and "my mother" even when speaking to them directly – it's not wrong necessarily, just strange. But again, this serves to further emphasize the childlike nature of Anya's character.

<- Return to Part 1

[cjrae]

Stunted Love. Or: The Theme of MaoMao's little finger.

Maomao's little finger is a recurring motif in the Apothecary Diaries, and it receives even more emphasis in the anime's first season - it represents her belief that romantic love leads to pain and destruction. Spoilers primarily for the anime, but also the epilogue of light novel four and Chapter 15 of light novel six below.

Love In A Cage

The motif is first introduced in "The Unsettling Matter of the Spirit" - Concubine Fuyou's story. Maomao has already noted the parallels between the red light district and the Inner Palace, but here we see what happens when romantic love is introduced into the mix. On paper, Concubine Fuyou is a literal object of pity. Her personhood is being gifted to an officer who recently distinguished himself on the front lines, discarded after having failed to please the Emperor. It's telling that this is one of the first times we see Jinshi interacting with a consort where he is completely serious, without bringing his charm to bear. We never hear him say anything, but it's clear that he's communicating the Emperor's order with respect and understanding the gravity of the consequences for Fuyou.

As the events of the episode unfold, the parallels between courtesans and consorts get stronger as Maomao introduces the concept of having a contract bought out - if a man wants a courtesan enough, she is also an object to be purchased, albeit at potentially astronomical price. At first glance, it would seem like these women have absolutely no power in these scenarios - but by the end of the episode, Maomao shows us the feminine side of this transaction - how a woman can manipulate the system she is trapped by in order to get what she wants. All she has to do is lower her value - a rather counterintuitive measure that can go horribly wrong all too easily, as we see later.

And what Concubine Fuyou wants is to escape the Inner Palace to be with the man she loves - a task that she succeeds at. She has played a long, patient game in the service of freedom. Trapped in the cage of the Inner Palace herself, Maomao holds her scarred finger against the freedom of the sky and wonders what kind of medicine love would make.

Devotion

We see further flashbacks to Maomao's past through multiple episodes, but the next time the concept of love is brought up is when Fengming is confessing her role in the death of Consort Ah-Duo's baby in "Honey" (episode 11). Maomao is brought up short by Fengming's confession - she flat out says to the audience that she's never loved anyone with that depth of devotion Fengming displays toward Ah-Duo, so she doesn't know how Fengming feels. But if she doesn't have empathy to offer, she does have a rough kindness. Another person might have said that Ah-Duo deserved to know why her son died, that the knowledge might have provided closure. Maomao, however, believes that knowing the baby's cause of death would only cause more pain (it's never the crime and always about the cover-up) without providing any actual benefit.

With these two episodes framing her early character development we see that, whatever Maomao's natural inclinations are (and I will leave discussion of neuro divergency to those better qualified to discuss it), there is a certain distance between Maomao and her emotions most of the time. It is implied that this distancing from her emotions is a trauma response as the image of a woman holding a knife above her head while kneeling on a bed is shown but not explained (it is the only recurring image during the montage before the discussion about her potential execution with Jinshi).

Lakan and Fengxian

In "Lakan" (episode 18) the motif begins recurring more often as Maomao's parentage is revealed. We've caught glimpses of the sick woman in the annex before, but as the camera pans over the bed, it's clear that this is Maomao's mother (as always in anime, the hair is a dead giveaway). We've seen Maomao in this room, always curled in a fetal position, staring with blank eyes, but here we see Maomao actually caring for a woman who she describes as driving her out over and over again. The camera's focus is on Maomao's eyes as she watches her mother continuing to deteriorate - they're blank yet again, echoing her earlier line of "This is stupid. She's gone."

This is not the look of a girl who genuinely doesn't care about her mother. The image of her mother with the knife upraised is straight out of recurring nightmares that wake her gasping with terror and continue to haunt her after she's returned to work. While there is no AFFECTION involved, there are certainly very strong emotions here. Later, in the bath with Meimei, Maomao wonders if Meimei's in love - and immediately shies away from the thought, insisting that "love is an emotion I'm sure I left behind in the womb."

Interestingly, this is immediately belied as the Three Princesses (the women who took on the maternal role that her mother discarded) begin to pamper Maomao in the bath, and she relaxes into their touch, flushed with belonging and pleasure at their attention.

Confrontation

In "Blue Roses," (episode 22), everything has built to a head. By hiding Maomao back into the Rear Palace, Jinshi is acting as her shield - and Lakan responds with a power play. Both he and Jinshi are aware that Lakan knows his true identity, so Lakan provokes Jinshi with a political test. "Nothing is impossible" for a man with Jinshi's power - so providing some blue roses at a garden party in early spring should be simple, right? It's a near impossible task and Lakan knows it - even if Jinshi were to figure out how to dye the roses to be the appropriate color, they're still out of season.

Up until now, Maomao's response to Lakan has been to hide. But, with Jinshi's reputation on the line and seeing how worn out he is, Maomao has finally had enough. So she takes Lakan's challenge on and, while she's in the process of growing the hothouse roses so that Jinshi can best Lakan, she diverts unwanted attention from the Crystal Palace's handmaidens by showing Xiaolan how to do a manicure - something that draws attention to the deformed pinky on her hand and changes her perspective of the damage to the finger.

The art should be paid attention to here - we see close up shots of two other people's hands after having the manicure done - Xiaolan and Consort Lihua. In both of these shots, there's some subtle detail paid to their little fingers as well - Xiaolan's is ever so slightly crooked rather than perfectly straight, while Lihua flexes her fingers so that the pinky is extended as she looks at her hands. In the next shot, Maomao has done her nails as well - and when Jinshi draws attention to the fact that he's surprised she would do her nails (like Hongiang, Maomao usually prefers work over fashion), she looks at the finger and remarks that, even though her little finger is twisted and scarred, it looks better than it did before - an acknowledgement that the finger is not actually a hindrance, but a piece of her identity.

Healing

Giving Lakan the opportunity to finally do right by Fengxian is the most grace and forgiveness that Maomao can extend to either of her parents. Their romantic love is certainly sympathetic to an outsider, but Maomao was shaped by the consequences. Lakan's carelessness and Fengxian's willingness to break the rules of the pleasure district in order to deliberately lower her value so that she could be with the man she loved, is the guiding cautionary tale of her life.

But Maomao has also grown over the season. She is neither the terrified little girl, abandoned by mother and father alike (however unintentionally on Lakan's part) nor a teenager full of fear fueled rage at Lakan's persistence. She is Luomen's daughter and proud of that fact - she has found her family and a place in the world. It is with that more adult understanding of the world around her that she dances atop the wall of the Rear Palace, giving her parents the only thing she can, which is her blessing and best wishes for their short future, as she sends her mother off.

Sure enough, who is watching her as she takes a step toward a more mature identity but Jinshi? Other characters have provided a shield between Maomao and Lakan - Verdigris' madam, Meimei and even Luomen. But it is on Jinshi's behalf that Maomao decided to face Lakan herself. She loves her adoptive dad and granny and sisters with all the affection she never received from Fengxian, but Maomao's actions have always spoken much louder than her words - Jinshi protected her and she, in turn, chose to face her childhood bogeyman to help him.

Is it stating the obvious that Maomao tripping and Jinshi catching her is an obvious metaphor for falling in love?

As she dances on the wall, we see the two seemingly disparate sides of her identity coalesce into a whole. The moment she lets down her hair is a uniquely Japanese moment of eroticism (this is why maiko and geisha use the oshiroi that bare the nape of their necks), even as she's also deliberately reapplied her freckles.

The moment she realizes that Jinshi truly sees all of her in a uniquely emotional moment, she trips and is made terrifyingly vulnerable as she nearly goes over the edge - only to be caught safely in Jinshi's arms.

Safely back atop the wall, the little finger comes up one more time - except that this time, instead of looking at the damage inflicted and seeing the scar, Maomao looks at her pinky and shows it to Jinshi, telling him what sounds like a strangely gruesome medical fact. That a fingertip can regrow if cut off. For all the trauma that her biological parents caused her, for all that her pinky will be scarred for the rest of her life, the wound did heal. Maomao has healed - she is capable of friendship, loyalty and love that can inspire devotion - even if she rarely displays open affection.

Love Creates Fear

This motif comes back again, at the end of light novel 4 (what will be the end of Season 2, if the studio continues to stick to two light novels a season for pacing, which I expect they will). Jinshi has officially cast aside his cover as a eunuch and stepped into the political limelight as the Imperial Brother. Maomao, as a result of their adventures, has returned home, to her apothecary shop and, as she works she thinks about how everything has changed.

"Jinshi must have finally gone back to being whoever he really was. Maomao didn't know his real name: she couldn't have used it even if she did. The worlds they lived in were simply too different…Anyway, now that Jinshi was no longer a eunuch, he couldn't get away with keeping some lowborn girl around him…So it was for the best, really, that Maomao had come back to the apothecary's shop in the pleasure district."

As Maomao ruminates to herself about how she will never see Jinshi again, she retreats to what she knows best - medicine. She's got her emotions under lock and key and she's begun experimenting, working on creating a more potent painkiller. However, her pain tolerance is too high to work with her previous methods.

Or, to lay the metaphor bare, Maomao has dealt with abandonment before, but not like this. Her usual methods aren't working - so it's time to up the ante. What she does next is extremely telling.

"'Got to cut deeper if I want to be sure'. Maomao looked at her left hand, then tied some string firmly around her pinky. She stood and took a small knife from a cabinet. 'Here goes!'

Just as she was about to bring the knife down, a beautiful voice interrupted her: 'WHAT are you doing?'

Without a word, she turned to see a man in an unusual mask standing in the entryway of the shop…'Done with all your work?' Maomao asked, undoing the string around her finger and putting the knife back in the cabinet."

The thought that she and Jinshi are now living in such different worlds that they will never see each other again is painful enough that cutting her finger off in a thinly justified experiment is preferable to feeling her own emotions. What Maomao wants in this moment is a return to the emotional numbness of the past - only this time, she will do the damage herself.

But Jinshi is not Lakan and abandoning Maomao for any reason is simply not an option. Just as he caught her on the wall, Jinshi catches her again. A prince is standing in an apothecary shop on the edges of the red-light district, a place where he should not be - except for the fact that it's where Maomao is.

Connection and Communication

Finally, as a callback toward the end of light novel six, Jinshi and Maomao are beginning to reconnect after Jinshi screwed up and lost a lot of emotional ground in light novel five's epilogue, and he does the following.

"She reached out for the package, which Jinshi had put behind his back, but he planted a palm on her belly to keep her from sitting up and she couldn't reach it. She kicked her legs from sheer frustration and this time he grabbed her ankle. She was just trying to decide what he might be planning when he brushed the tip of his pinky finger along the back of her foot.

'Hrk?!' Maomao choked, squirming...The back of her foot, and her back as well, were hopelessly vulnerable to a gentle brush of the fingers.

'M-Master Jinshi...That's...not...fair!'"

While Jinshi is still the instigator in this scene, this is the the first instance of romantic and sexual contact that Maomao accepts, eventually bursting out laughing - and when he gets that laughter, Jinshi also immediately backs off, accepting that he has pushed her as far as she can go right now. But that first contact was via that tiny fingertip representing love.

His hard-learned patience is rewarded when Maomao is finally willing to speak to Jinshi about how she's feeling about his desire to marry her, first obliquely as they discuss the plot of a very familiar tragic romance, before she addresses the issue directly.

"Instead of answering, she murmured, 'I don't want to be an enemy.' Jinshi gave her a sidelong look as if to ask whose enemy she meant. 'To Empress Gyokuyou,' she said.

Would Jinshi understand what she was saying? If not, that was fine, Maomao thought. There were things even he didn't know.

'You - '

He seemed about to ask her something else when a horse whinnied outside..."

Maomao may be hesitant, she may feel very confused, but she finally gives Jinshi something to work with here - communicating to him not that she simply doesn't care about him that way, but that she has a very real, concrete fear about what a romantic relationship with him would mean, not only for them, but for everyone else around them.

That's a lot to balance on the tip of a pinky.

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #maomao #character analysis #jinshi and maomao #jinshi x maomao #jinshi #long text post #apothecary diaries meta #jinmao

[cjrae]

The OP has fully gotten why I love the divide between what Maomao words versus her actions.

Maomao: ugh why does Jinshi insist on pursuing me I don't even like him

Also Maomao: this person can't even know I'm actually surprised, Jinshi would have understood my slightly furrowed brow. Ugh this other guy is too slow at understanding where I'm going with my investigations, Jinshi would get it faster. This girl is so beautiful, but not as beautiful as Jinshi.

#the apothecary diaries #maomao #kusuriya no hitorigoto #jinshi #actions speak louder than words

[cjrae]

reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something

[cjrae]

JINSHI. Apothecary Diaries

Ink drawing using brass dip pen. (Gift from Matchapokki. Thank you 💖🐇)

[cjrae]

Jinshi ascending the throne is literally the Bad Ending. Also, I hope the OP goes ahead and expands on some of her points, because each of her bullets is an analysis in and of itself.

it’s interesting that some would want jinshi to be emperor and maomao to be empress when it’s been hinted multiple times that he doesn’t want to be and it’ll be the cause of his early demise. nothing wrong with wanting him as the emperor but i personally don’t see it as a good thing.

just a short rambling after reading the web novel and seeing the latest ln15 spoilers.

> jinshi, especially after that scene on ln5 shows immense character growth in the latter volumes. in the latest ln, he’d rather let go of maomao than chain her to him when he (unwillingly) becomes emperor. previously, he proclaimed that he wanted her to be his wife and would get rid of any obstacles hence why he branded himself to the disappointment of the emperor and maomao. he was quite possessive and childish when he was young, far from the current jinshi now.

> same with maomao, she used to avoid trouble and involvement in the royal court but now she’s more outspoken about her thoughts and feelings. confident with her skills and quite assertive.

> there is this deep understanding between them and in the epilogue it’s clear that they both didn’t want him on the throne. they used to be evasive with their feelings and now they’re being straightforward with each other and that’s progress if you ask me. it’s subtle but they show their care through physical touch and company (it’s their love language!!)

> a lot of fans have noted that they parallel both of their parents’ failed relationships and i agree (don’t want to elaborate on this cuz it’ll be long)

> ah duo and the emperor (also maomao) know that jinshi will be a wise and kind emperor but this will cause him to die early. now that he’s doing the emperor’s work while he’s recovering, he was clearly overworked to the point where maomao has to take care of him. this is just a glimpse of what will happen to him once he ascends the throne and that’s not what ah duo wants for her only child, same with maomao. if he does become the next emperor, he needs maomao by his side to keep him in check and that’s another problem to face politically and emotionally. she’s willing to be by his side but at the expense of her freedom and jinshi doesn’t want to rob her of that.

tldr: jinshi becoming the emperor is not the happy ending we’re looking for. unless the author will give him a leeway like him becoming a regent until his siblings are of age or if maomao is the only consort he will have. and there’s still a long way to go tho because he still doesn’t know his real parents and if iirc there’s this faction who wants him on the throne. more content to consume lol.

#jinshi and maomao #jinshi x maomao #the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #character analysis #apothecary diaries meta

[cjrae]

It gets better in LNs 3&4!

really love how most the Grown consorts are like [points at maomao] is anyone going to adopt this???

[cjrae]

The author is also very clear about why Maomao is so invested in the existing class system - she's seen what can happen to the people who flout the rules. She herself is the result of two people who decided that their passion was worth breaking the rules and the consequences of Lakan and Fengxian's selfish choice rippled outward and affected more people than just the two of them.

The difference between Lakan and Jinshi is that Jinshi understands that not only do his choices carry consequences, but that his social position means that those ripples will affect so many more people than a single brothel. Jinshi's internal tension between love and duty resonates, I think, because he understands that in order to earn Maomao's love, he needs to resolves his duties in a manner acceptable to the society they live in - because if his passion for her ended up hurting everyone else around them, there's no way Maomao could ever respect, much less love Jinshi.

Maomao is her own villainess who cares about class and propriety

You know how in a lot of shojo/josei literature there is a villainess (either the mother or a rival) who is deeply offended by the romance between the princley ML/ commoner FL because it's.just.not.done and commoner FL could never be worthy of ML?

one of the more brilliant narrative moves of kusuriya is to combine the person who cares about status and propriety to a frankly unsettling degree with the protagonist.

Because that has a lot of advantages:

First: this conflict between class/person is now an internal one. One of the reasons Maomao has difficulty accepting Jinshis advances is because she sees herself as unworthy of him. She really can't understand what he sees in her.

Second: It's realistic. Of course Mao Mao is aware of the class system. She knows she survives on the good graces of the people in power. She knows she's unfree to a certain point. She knows she has far more to lose. She wields this class system expertly to gain a maximum of freedom. I find it pretty telling how few of the rules Maomao actually breaks while still living the life she wants.

Third: It frees up the villains to have other reasons for their villainy. Even Lakan the person who comes closest to this character cares more about having a relationship to Maomao than about destroying Jinshi because he's not good enough. And he's rightly called a weirdo for his obsessions. The other villains (the Ma-Clan, the white lady, Gyouk-Ou) have other reasons for their villainy who've frankly nothing to do with the romance.

and I find that refreshing

#jinshi #maomao #kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #jinmao #manga #lakan #fengxian