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chansdimp1es · 3 years

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perfectly imperfect - bang chan

summary: Sure you weren’t the skinniest or most perfect looking person out there, and you tried to remind yourself that Chan didn’t care what you looked like or how you dressed, but how could you not feel like an over-boiled broad bean next to him in any pictures you took together or any time you went out with each other???

pairing: bang chan x female reader

genre: angst

warnings: mention of death, mental health issues, eating disorders, purging in the form of vom!tting

word count: >1k

requested by @planetdemon !! <3

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You often wondered what it was in you that Chan actually found attractive; it definitely wasn’t your eyes or your smile,and as your relationship went on for longer and longer, you couldn’t help but ask yourself what exactly it was that drew you to him in the first place. You were insecure about your body, you weren’t stick thin like most other people, and you carried most of your weight around your tummy and thighs.

Throughout the course of your relationship with Chan, you had slowly started loving your curvy shape, especially since he had expressed more than once how much he adored it whenever he could get his hands on your extra flesh during your long nights of love making, squeezing it and marking it has he made his way down your body.

It was still incredibly hard to learn how to love yourself and you knew it was totally unrealistic to compare yourself to a kpop idol (nevermind the fact that he was an absolute god -in more ways than one- with all his Aussie glory) but you genuinely couldn’t help it. You had told yourself that you wouldn’t let the intruding thoughts in your head get to you, but the sheer amount of them made it almost impossible.

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chansdimp1es · 3 years

Text

perfectly imperfect - bang chan

pairing: bang chan x female reader

genre: angst

warnings: mention of death, mental health issues, eating disorders, purging in the form of vom!tting

word count: >1k

requested by @planetdemon !! <3

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It became worse after you and Chan had publicly announced your relationship to his adoring fans on your 2nd anniversary; you didn’t like the attention and you didn’t want to be scrutinized if you wanted to go to the grocery store in old baggy clothes. There was most definitely less mean comments than the nice ones, but your stupid brain latched onto the negatives as always and you couldn’t help but obsess over them.

Sure you weren’t the skinniest or most perfect looking person out there, and you tried to remind yourself that Chan didn’t care what you looked like or how you dressed, but as more and more comments came flooding in on your posts, you couldn’t help but feel like an over-boiled broad bean next to him in any pictures you took together or any time you went out with each other. I mean how could you not when Chan works out as much as he does and is as attractive as he is?

However as Chan became busier and busier with his schedule and preparing for a comeback, you barely got to see him anymore. It became so much harder to focus on the positive things people were saying without him there to bring you back to reality and remind you how the only important thing was how much you loved each other. You felt yourself slipping back into your previous unhealthy habits, and you didn’t know how much longer you could take it.

You had been through a serious depressive period before, right after your brother died. You had never experienced this kind of pain before in your life, and if it weren’t for Chan you probably wouldn’t be alive now. The loss of your brother seemed to unlock something in you that took you almost 2 years to recover from. He saw you through everything, eating disorders, suicide attempts, and he never once wavered. Chan stood by you through everything, always the shoulder for you to cry on and always prepared to cheer you up in any way he could with that dimpled smile of his.

However this time was so much more different. It directly involved him, and you honestly didn’t want to put him in a position where he would feel as if he had to take care of you all the time again. It took so much out of him the last time, and with him being as busy as he is right now you didn’t want to add more stress onto his already growing plate. So you chose the next best thing, to suffer in silence.

You didn’t mean to start purging again, you really really didn’t, but it sort of just happened. It was late one night when you had decided to stay up late to surprise Chan and welcome him home after a long day. You hadn’t had an opportunity to be romantic with each other in what felt like forever, so you had cooked his favourite dinner and lit candles all around your house in order to set the mood.

You had even decided to dress up a little bit, and the smooth fabric of the deep blue dress Chan had gifted you a few months back helped soothe your nerves as you played with the hem in anticipation of his arrival.

Suddenly your phone went off, signalling that you had got a text.

‪ from: ‪ channie 🖤🐺🥰 10.27pm

hey babe, sorry I’ll be home much later than usual tonight, rehearsal is running over. don’t wait up you need your rest. I love you 🖤

And your heart dropped.

You typed back a quick reply saying not to worry at all and that you would hopefully see him at some stage tomorrow, as you tried to blink through your blurry eyes that were brimming with tears.

You knew deep down it wasn’t his fault or yours, but it didn’t make it any easier. Suddenly all the effort you went through seemed totally silly, and you couldn’t help but think that Chan wouldn’t have even wanted to do something like this anyways, and that it was only a matter of time that he would grow tired of you, right?

You hurriedly started tidying the entire setup away, and made the mistake of taking a glance at your reflection in the kitchen window, only to be met with the face of makeup you had spent time doing carefully being ruined by the tears slowly falling down your face.

The next few moments seemed to pass by in a blur, and all of a sudden you found yourself gagging into the toilet with two fingers down your throat. You knew deep down you shouldn’t be doing it, but the stress and anxiety of the last few weeks had sent you spiraling. You felt ugly and worthless, and absolutely humongous,and instead of bothering Chan or anyone else about it, you let the dark thoughts swarm and grow, and take over your mind.

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hey everyone! thank you so much for reading this piece! as i was writing it i kinda felt like i should maybe split it up into two separate parts (??!?!?) so lemme know if you would be interested in reading the next part :)

- skye <3

#bang chan #bang chan smut #changbin #felix #han jisung #han #hyunjin #seungmin #skz #jeongin #bang chan fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #hwang hyunjin #chris bang #stray kids #stray kids smut

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chansdimp1es · 3 years

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New post + Tag List!

Hello my lovelies long time no see!

Sorry it’s been so long since I last posted 🥺 I’ve been super super busy with school and study but thankfully my exams are soon so I’ll be able to write more!

I have a new fic coming out either later today or tomorrow though, but unfortunately I most likely won’t be posting anything new until after the 15th of June (if I do post more than once please slap me because that just shows I’m procrastinating hehe)

I was also thinking about starting a tag list, so please let me know if you would like to be a part of it!!

Hope you’re all staying safe and healthy ✨

- skye ♡

#bang chan #changbin #felix #han #han jisung #hyunjin #jeongin #seungmin #skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids

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chansdimp1es · 3 years

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Back to You - Bang Chan

summary: no matter what challenges the two of you faced, either together or apart, you would always find your way back to each other.

pairing: bang chan x fem! reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end,

warnings: swearing, mentions of depression, body image issues, implied eating disorder, mention of s/h scars

word count: 1k +

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cold.

all you felt was cold.

it was late on a friday night, and you sat at your bedroom window huddled up in your duvet, staring out into the black night.

“oh for life to always be this peaceful”, you thought to yourself before wiping your runny nose for the umpteenth time that evening.

“y/n…?” you heard softly from the other side of the door.

“leave me alone chan, I don’t want to see you” you muttered, before slouching further into your protective shell consisting of your duvet, blankets and multiple pillows - to hibernate from the world forever.

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chansdimp1es · 3 years

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Hey^^ I wanted to ask if you accept requests? I had that idea for an one-shot for quite a while and I really like your writing so yeah😅 the reader is really insecure about their body and beeing with chan (that muscular boy uff) makes that pressure to lose weight and look ''perfect'' even more stronger. The reader loses weight and due to chans stressy schedule, he doesn't notice at first, but after a while he becomes aware of the body-change the reader has gone through and he gets all sad and angry because he doesn't understand why the reader did that. Maybe they fight a little but with some fluff at the end?

Hi! I do indeed!! I really really love this idea oh my gosh I’ll get working on it asap! I haven’t had much time to write recently because I’ve been super busy with school so it might take some time I hope that’s okay!! lemme know if you’d like me to tag you when I do get around to writing it hehe 🖤

#thanks anon #request #bang chan fanfic #stray kids fluff #stray kids fanfic #stray kids

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chansdimp1es · 3 years

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IM CRYING HOW IS HE SO ATTRACTIVE

#bang chan #changbin #felix #han #han jisung #hyunjin #jeongin #seungmin #skz #stray kids

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chansdimp1es · 3 years

Text

Back to You - Bang Chan

summary: no matter what challenges the two of you faced, either together or apart, you would always find your way back to each other.

pairing: bang chan x fem! reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end,

warnings: swearing, mentions of depression, body image issues, implied eating disorder, mention of s/h scars

word count: 1k +

__________________________________________

cold.

all you felt was cold.

it was late on a friday night, and you sat at your bedroom window huddled up in your duvet, staring out into the black night.

“oh for life to always be this peaceful”, you thought to yourself before wiping your runny nose for the umpteenth time that evening.

“y/n…?” you heard softly from the other side of the door.

Keep reading

184 notes · View notes

chansdimp1es · 3 years

Text

Back to You - Bang Chan

summary: no matter what challenges the two of you faced, either together or apart, you would always find your way back to each other.

pairing: bang chan x fem! reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end,

warnings: swearing, mentions of depression, body image issues, implied eating disorder, mention of s/h scars

word count: 1k +

__________________________________________

cold.

all you felt was cold.

it was late on a friday night, and you sat at your bedroom window huddled up in your duvet, staring out into the black night.

“oh for life to always be this peaceful”, you thought to yourself before wiping your runny nose for the umpteenth time that evening.

“y/n...?” you heard softly from the other side of the door.

bang chan. your best friend since you were toddlers. both of your mum’s were best friends when they were young, and his mum and coincidentally moved into the house next to yours only a few months after chan was born after moving to Australia resulting in the two of you becoming just as close as you mothers after countless play dates and birthday parties.

you’ve done everything together really, from sneaking into each others rooms in the middle of the night to help each other sleep after either yours or his parents a had forced one of you to go home, to your crazy side when the two of you have your infamous sleepovers and you get just a little too excited at the idea of watching a shitty rom-com that both you and chan adore to make fun of. he’s been there for you through thick and thin, but this - this is the one thing you could never be honest with him about.

you’ve always secretly struggled with anxiety and depression, and despite a few chats here and there, you’ve surprisingly managed to hide the severity of it from chan after all these years.

from covering your scars with makeup and being careful to not wear revealing clothes around him, to him amazingly never questioning why you excuse yourself to the toilet after almost every meal, there’s no way he could truly know about the black hole that eats you up at every waking moment of your day.

but this? the pure and utter hatred of yourself? you don’t know how much longer you can go on for, how much longer you can survive the ferocious waves in your mind that threaten to drown you at every moment.

the truth is, you’re exhausted. who wouldn’t be? but you know that you can never show your true self to chan, or anyone for that matter. you love the fake persona you’ve created for when you’re around your family and friends, the bright, carefree girl who hardly worries about anything, and you don’t want that to change. you naturally don’t want them to start walking on eggshells around you and start treating you as if you’re a fragile china doll that may break at any moment.

you knew chan would try do everything he could to help you if he found out, god of course he would, but you wouldn’t be able to survive the guilt if you unloaded your mental burdens onto him, it wasn’t fair to him. and besides, you hardly wanted to tell your long term best friend who you may or may not have a major crush on about how you don’t want to be here anymore.

“c’mon y/n.. let me in. i’m really worried” chan says through the door again. “let me help”, he pleads. “please just tell me whats going on””. “no chan, leave me alone, please” you begged between soft cries. “i’ll call you tomorrow okay?” chan says softly, finally defeated. “bye y/n..”

“bye channie”

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3:00 AM

you’d barely slept. you rarely did anymore, but on nights like this especially, you were left tossing and turning all night.

the hurt and sadness that you had heard in chan’s tone earlier kept replaying over and over in your mind. you felt bad for shutting him out, but how could you explain yourself to him, and show him the true side of you? it’s not as easy as you’d think.

suddenly, your phone went off, illuminating a small section of your room and making you squint away from it due to the brightness after all of your crying.

freckles ;) , 3:02 AM

sorry in advance, i had no choice but to tell him.

he knows pretty much everything btw

huh? what was that supposed to mean?

your confusion was shortly lived when you heard the familiar sound that you had heard thousands of times before of your bedroom window opening, signalling that chan was here, and you could only think of one thing;

you were going to kill lee felix.

sure you loved you crazy ray of sunshine of a cousin, how could you not? but he was the only other person that you had trusted enough with the shit show of what your life was, partially because he always saw through you enough to know that you were really never ‘okay’ when you told him you were. he was the only person you allowed to be your true self to be around, and he witnessed nights like these and just held you more times than you care to admit.

you look up to see chan coming through the window, half hoping to see his signature warm, dimpled smile that you know and love, but was met with sorrowful eyes and a tear stained face instead.

“y/n” he said sadly, making his way over to your bed where you were yet again bundled up in your duvet and blankets. “y/n” he repeats, gently getting into bed and laying down beside you.

“why didn’t you ever tell me” he whispers softly whilst wrapping his arms around you.

“i just didn’t know how”, you replied, crying into his chest.

“shhh, its okay, i’m here now.” he soothes you, gently stroking your hair, and you quickly dozed off to sleep soon after in the arms of the boy who would never know how close you hold him to your heart, and somehow you knew that everything would finally be okay, because no matter what challenges the two of you faced, either together or apart,

you would always find your way back to each other.

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a/n : hey guys! thanks for taking the time to read my first ever fic! sorry for the kinda rushed ending, but I thought it was best to end it where I did instead of drawing it out 🙃

~ s <3

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