cataclysmus

[cataclysmus]

#aesthetic #musings

[cataclysmus]

♡ — @cataclysmus //well this should be fun and not wholesome at all.//

@cataclysmus

○○○○○ | ATTRACTION ●○○○○ | AFFECTION ●●○○○ | INTEREST ○○○○○ | LOYALTY ●●○○○ | TRUST

Attraction: Not his type. Sorry, Lexi.

Affection: To a point, he has affection. Before everything went down Yuri did at least have some hope of respect for Alexei. Flynn also deeply admired him and for a little while, Yuri really hoped the knights would be set straight by him, but he had his doubt because of how crazy everything was and because knights still got away with so much harmful chaos and nonsense. After everything settled in our Alexei survival verse, he at least has appreciation for the fact that Alexei isn't still insistent that he just "did the right thing", but accepts that he did what he thought was right and acknowledging that it wasn't. If Alexei truly wants to atone, Yuri will give him that chance because the people Yuri dealt with before "like" Alexei didn't care to atone. Their upset at being found out was purely selfish, and their only regret was that their life was in danger. Alexei has potential to go up in the affection section, even if it's going to hard to break into on Yuri's end (especially because the betrayal directly affected Flynn and Raven, so it wasn't just a betrayal that he could've been like oh yeah a knight betraying people what a surprise. It deeply hurt people he loves and that plays a huge role in his stubbornness to forgive).

Interest: If Alexei could really be the type of person he used to be again, then Yuri would like to see that. Right now he isn't sure where Alexei will go, or if he'll just wallow in guilt. Both Raven and Flynn seemed to see something in Alexei that Yuri didn't, and he wants to trust their opinions on what Alexei used to be/could be again, but he's skeptical. He accepts Alexei wanting to atone, and he's interested in getting to know the Alexei that people used to know, but the main barrier is that he's interested in a ghost of Alexei that he can't be sure will be revived. He'll give him the chance, but he's not holding out on expectations.

Loyalty: At the moment, none. It's possible he might gain some along the way, but at the moment, he doesn't feel any sense of loyalty toward him.

Trust: It exists, but mainly because he knows Alexei has enough guilt to act on some things. It's low because he isn't entirely sure what he can trust Alexei with, but if people close to him believe Alexei can come back from everything, he'll give him a chance. If we also consider it from a post thread perspective, Alexei did risk himself to save Yuri's life. Trust exists, but Alexei is in the works.

#if everyone else is reblogging theirs then me too #bravewolfvesperia

[cataclysmus]

💬 + Alexei, I heard ur mom gay.

“If my mother were ‘gay’, as you so crudely put it, then how do you suspect she conceived me? Your argument is flawed and therefore baseless.”

Owned.

#don’t fuck with Alexei’s gay mom #reply #ic #answers

[cataclysmus]

💬 "Soooo, Lexi... is it true you got drunk at a bar and kissed Raven?"

“I was not drunk. I was dragged to that bar against my will and had barely even a drink.” Was Alexei once again getting caught up in the wrong details? Apparently.

“And Yuri? Do not call me ‘Lexi’ again.”

#dying dying dead #reply #ic #bravewolfvesperia #answers

[cataclysmus]

First, it was just a single finger that would twitch against the sheets below. Hours later, both eyelids would begin to flick about. Raven, deep in a sleep of his own, albeit a far more temporary one, had missed both signs indicating that the man before him may soon wake.

Another hour would pass, another twitch of a muscle, just a quick jolt of a hand, barely even an inch off the mattress, yet still it was the most movement Alexei’s body had experienced in several days.

Just one hour more, and at last the eyes that had remained closed for far too many nights would strain open, heavy as though they weighed several pounds.

Everything felt just a bit fuzzy— most of all, his head; a jumble of incoherent thoughts he couldn’t yet decipher.

This room didn’t look familiar. Not now, anyway, disoriented as he was. Even now, it was his first instinct to investigate, yet he couldn’t so much as lift his head from the pillow, plagued by the most awful sensation of vertigo for even making the attempt.

It was just then that his blurred gaze would come to a focus on the figure before him, however, and the mere presence of that person was enough to ground him in reality long enough that he could ascertain the situation at last. His mind was still waking— and he didn’t know that he could remember what led him here… but if he was watching over him like this, it surely meant he’d gotten into some kind of trouble. …Perhaps he’d remember soon. Either way…

“Schwann…?” Alexei’s voice was hardly audible, eyes closing and reopening so slowly, one would think he was just that close to losing consciousness again, but instead, his fingers would twitch as he managed to lift his hand from his side; a hand that so naturally found itself brushing that messy black hair from the other’s face in an attempt to get a better look at him.

How exhausted he looked… the dark bags beneath his eyes evident even as they remained closed. Alexei could only lay there and wonder how long the other had been fretting over him like this. His hand remained there with the utmost gentleness, fingers brushing past his cheek even as his eyes struggled to remain open, one slow blink after the other.

Alexei’s expression twitched the very second Raven opened his mouth, shouting with such an uncharacteristically booming voice. He could have sworn the life was yelled back into him, just then.

Raven was infuriated, and had every right to be, jumping from one thought to the next without missing a beat, and without losing any of his fire… that was until he paused a moment, and right then, it felt as though Raven had made the sudden decision to bear his soul before him.

“I didn't want t' lose the last friend i had from that time!”

…The last friend? …Since when had he—?

He hadn’t realized until several seconds after Raven had finished speaking that his jaw was left ever slightly agape, lips moving silently as if wishing to speak words his mind hadn’t even the time to process. But finally he would find himself, compose himself, and with a testing glance he managed a smile.

“If I did wish to die here… would you even let me…?”

There was a hesitance, long enough that it served as an answer in and of itself, even after Raven answered with a quick

“If that’s what you want”,

It was evident how it made him feel. Even if Raven was truly willing to let him see his death through… it wasn’t something he wanted, and Alexei couldn’t bear to put that weight on his shoulders.

“…How childish you still are, to consider me a friend. Surely you realize… this is not how friends ought to treat each other.” If friends were what they were… then Alexei had been a truly terrible one. Perhaps the worst friend to ever live.

“….You’ve still so much to learn… it’s baffling… how foolish you are.” Alexei choked in the midst of a soft chuckle, vision fading white for a split second.

“If there’s anything I’m least worthy of… it’s…”

Your friendship?

Your respect?

You…?

There was no telling how he’d intended to finish the thought, for he so quickly brushed past it.

“…Forget it… It’s just a relief, to finally hear you talk about yourself like this… to hear you accept that you’re alive… that you’re human.” Alexei was able to focus just long enough to really, truly smile at the other, even as his hand clutched desperately at his wounds, temperature declining further and further.

“…I don’t want to die… not when you’re finally starting to live.” It was uncertain whether the tear that dripped down his cheek was caused by the pain, the exhaustion, or by the very topic at hand. He’d been too dazed to notice it himself.

“I… wouldn’t be… able… to…”

White.

All he could see was white.

“…To—“

Alexei, no longer able to hold up his own head, slumped back against that tree in a mere instant, hands falling stiff at his sides as his breathing grew faint.

…At the very least, he was thankful he hadn’t had to die alone.

#the gayest thing to happen thus far #we’re leveling up #altosk #what if I also kmsedddd #reply #ic

[cataclysmus]

Alexei’s expression twitched the very second Raven opened his mouth, shouting with such an uncharacteristically booming voice. He could have sworn the life was yelled back into him, just then.

Raven was infuriated, and had every right to be, jumping from one thought to the next without missing a beat, and without losing any of his fire… that was until he paused a moment, and right then, it felt as though Raven had made the sudden decision to bear his soul before him.

“I didn't want t' lose the last friend i had from that time!”

…The last friend? …Since when had he—?

He hadn’t realized until several seconds after Raven had finished speaking that his jaw was left ever slightly agape, lips moving silently as if wishing to speak words his mind hadn’t even the time to process. But finally he would find himself, compose himself, and with a testing glance he managed a smile.

“If I did wish to die here… would you even let me…?”

There was a hesitance, long enough that it served as an answer in and of itself, even after Raven answered with a quick

“If that’s what you want”,

It was evident how it made him feel. Even if Raven was truly willing to let him see his death through… it wasn’t something he wanted, and Alexei couldn’t bear to put that weight on his shoulders.

“…How childish you still are, to consider me a friend. Surely you realize… this is not how friends ought to treat each other.” If friends were what they were… then Alexei had been a truly terrible one. Perhaps the worst friend to ever live.

“….You’ve still so much to learn… it’s baffling… how foolish you are.” Alexei choked in the midst of a soft chuckle, vision fading white for a split second.

“If there’s anything I’m least worthy of… it’s…”

Your friendship?

Your respect?

You…?

There was no telling how he’d intended to finish the thought, for he so quickly brushed past it.

“…Forget it… It’s just a relief, to finally hear you talk about yourself like this… to hear you accept that you’re alive… that you’re human.” Alexei was able to focus just long enough to really, truly smile at the other, even as his hand clutched desperately at his wounds, temperature declining further and further.

“…I don’t want to die… not when you’re finally starting to live.” It was uncertain whether the tear that dripped down his cheek was caused by the pain, the exhaustion, or by the very topic at hand. He’d been too dazed to notice it himself.

“I… wouldn’t be… able… to…”

White.

All he could see was white.

“…To—“

Alexei, no longer able to hold up his own head, slumped back against that tree in a mere instant, hands falling stiff at his sides as his breathing grew faint.

…At the very least, he was thankful he hadn’t had to die alone.

Each disembodied cry from beyond the darkness only further outlined the dangers outside the city's barrier that Alexei had so stubbornly ignored. It was a grounding revelation, to be sure, to realize that all it might take was one hungry wolf to tear him limb from limb, in the state he found himself in now. Blood leaked from his wound, pooling along the ground below, staining his clothes and the tree he leaned against.

Every second that ticked by was a second closer to death… His vision blurred, limbs growing cold and head hanging low as his heart fell into a slowed rhythm. He was confident he would die here alone… yet it was Raven’s voice that cut through the night and lulled him from his daze.

Was Alexei really so pathetic that he’d gone and conjured up a hallucination now?

…No. Alexei wasn’t that far gone. He could tell this was the real Raven, who’d been just stubborn enough himself to follow after him.

It was an odd feeling, seeing him here now, hearing that familiar, almost comforting voice, a feeling he could have sworn was that of relief; perhaps merely because it would have been far too pitiful, dying here alone. Or perhaps it was something else. Nevertheless, it was a surprise.

Raven had been out like a light. Not one of Alexei’s attempts to stir him from his slumber had ended in success, and it had been several hours since he’d departed from that safe house. How exactly had Raven managed to catch up to him? Had he really been that slow? …Or; Alexei glanced down, his weak, half lidded gaze noting the blood soaked ground surrounding him; had he just been sitting here, bleeding out for that long?

“You hopeless fool. You’re the lunatic…. Why would you come for me…?” It felt out of place, the small smile that sat upon his lips as he scolded the other. Why was he smiling, exactly? It didn’t suit him at all.

“I made my choice… as you wanted.” Alexei couldn’t help but dwell on words spoken the day prior, words Raven, on the other hand, had likely already forgotten, given they’d merely been spoken in the heat of the moment. To Alexei, however, they held far more weight.

“…What difference should it make to you? It’s no longer… your obligation to serve me. You were… nothing more than a puppet to me from the beginning, and now… you’re no longer even that. You’re no longer Schwann… and thus no longer mine. There’s nothing left… connecting the two of us to each other.” Oh. He couldn’t even feel his arms anymore. What an odd feeling.

“…At least allow me to turn myself in… with some dignity left intact… if you’ve any respect left for me at all.” Alexei choked out, his voice quiet and raspy, nothing like the serious, commanding tone Raven had grown so familiar to. Who was he even kidding…? There was no turning himself in anymore. He was going to die here, but he was too out of it to even see that much.

“I don’t wish to run from judgment any longer.”

#gay gay homosexual gay #altosk #reply #ic

[cataclysmus]

#aesthetic #musings

[cataclysmus]

Each disembodied cry from beyond the darkness only further outlined the dangers outside the city's barrier that Alexei had so stubbornly ignored. It was a grounding revelation, to be sure, to realize that all it might take was one hungry wolf to tear him limb from limb, in the state he found himself in now. Blood leaked from his wound, pooling along the ground below, staining his clothes and the tree he leaned against.

Every second that ticked by was a second closer to death… His vision blurred, limbs growing cold and head hanging low as his heart fell into a slowed rhythm. He was confident he would die here alone… yet it was Raven’s voice that cut through the night and lulled him from his daze.

Was Alexei really so pathetic that he’d gone and conjured up a hallucination now?

…No. Alexei wasn’t that far gone. He could tell this was the real Raven, who’d been just stubborn enough himself to follow after him.

It was an odd feeling, seeing him here now, hearing that familiar, almost comforting voice, a feeling he could have sworn was that of relief; perhaps merely because it would have been far too pitiful, dying here alone. Or perhaps it was something else. Nevertheless, it was a surprise.

Raven had been out like a light. Not one of Alexei’s attempts to stir him from his slumber had ended in success, and it had been several hours since he’d departed from that safe house. How exactly had Raven managed to catch up to him? Had he really been that slow? …Or; Alexei glanced down, his weak, half lidded gaze noting the blood soaked ground surrounding him; had he just been sitting here, bleeding out for that long?

“You hopeless fool. You’re the lunatic…. Why would you come for me…?” It felt out of place, the small smile that sat upon his lips as he scolded the other. Why was he smiling, exactly? It didn’t suit him at all.

“I made my choice… as you wanted.” Alexei couldn’t help but dwell on words spoken the day prior, words Raven, on the other hand, had likely already forgotten, given they’d merely been spoken in the heat of the moment. To Alexei, however, they held far more weight.

“…What difference should it make to you? It’s no longer… your obligation to serve me. You were… nothing more than a puppet to me from the beginning, and now… you’re no longer even that. You’re no longer Schwann… and thus no longer mine. There’s nothing left… connecting the two of us to each other.” Oh. He couldn’t even feel his arms anymore. What an odd feeling.

“…At least allow me to turn myself in… with some dignity left intact… if you’ve any respect left for me at all.” Alexei choked out, his voice quiet and raspy, nothing like the serious, commanding tone Raven had grown so familiar to. Who was he even kidding…? There was no turning himself in anymore. He was going to die here, but he was too out of it to even see that much.

“I don’t wish to run from judgment any longer.”

The trek to Heliord was about as treacherous as Alexei had foreseen. With his body still a terrible aching mess, the distance he was able to cover was cut drastically in half, the howls and cooing of creatures of the night making it all the more apparent just how late it had grown.

He should have been to Heliord by now, yet he was almost entirely out of breath before making it even half of the way there. Perhaps it was a mistake that Alexei would push himself to continue moving onward, for a sudden shock of pain struck along his wound, forcing a deep grunt out of him as he lurched over in pain, managing to find support against a nearby tree.

The monsters that lurked about seemed all too eager to jump on his first show of weakness, for all too suddenly it was two of them that were leaping from the shadows. A quick gasp escaped him as he swiftly turned around, sword swinging down at one and failing to do anything more than create a bigger opening for the other.

That single mistake was what allowed the lingering monster to close what little distance was protecting him from them, moving so quickly he hadn’t even the time to identify the creature before a sharp pain resonated throughout the entirety of his torso. Crimson eyes shot open wide, the panic coursing through him leading him to slice clean through flesh without even thinking about it— leaving him surrounded by the severed bits and pieces of two carcasses.

Alexei would look around, vision blurring quickly, but verifying there were no more monsters in sight before his trembling hand moved to his chest, then back up in his field of vision, revealing the dark color that now drenched his hands. The moment his adrenaline died, he was on his knees, breath heavy and fast as he pulled himself up against that same tree he’d leaned upon earlier.

Dammit… Alexei would glance down again at his bloodied hands, sword dropped beside him, and slowly close his eyes. He’d intended to get to Heliord quickly, before Raven even had a chance of noticing he was missing, but… he wondered if it would be okay to just close his eyes for a minute or two, at least. He was far too exhausted and in far too much pain to consider the consequences now.

A light chuckle escaped him, lips pulling upward into a weak smile as he considered what Raven might say if he saw him in this state now. Surely he’d chide him for how much of a fool he’d been, and didn���t he deserve it? Had he just waited until morning, he wouldn’t be bleeding out against a damn tree in the dead of night like this. …But perhaps this was fine too.

“Forgive me for this, Schwann….”

If this was how the world deemed it fit for him to pay for his crimes… then so be it.

#this is gay #altosk #reply #ic

[cataclysmus]

Send 💬 + a rumor and my muse will react to it.

#ask memes

[cataclysmus]

The trek to Heliord was about as treacherous as Alexei had foreseen. With his body still a terrible aching mess, the distance he was able to cover was cut drastically in half, the howls and cooing of creatures of the night making it all the more apparent just how late it had grown.

He should have been to Heliord by now, yet he was almost entirely out of breath before making it even half of the way there. Perhaps it was a mistake that Alexei would push himself to continue moving onward, for a sudden shock of pain struck along his wound, forcing a deep grunt out of him as he lurched over in pain, managing to find support against a nearby tree.

The monsters that lurked about seemed all too eager to jump on his first show of weakness, for all too suddenly it was two of them that were leaping from the shadows. A quick gasp escaped him as he swiftly turned around, sword swinging down at one and failing to do anything more than create a bigger opening for the other.

That single mistake was what allowed the lingering monster to close what little distance was protecting him from them, moving so quickly he hadn’t even the time to identify the creature before a sharp pain resonated throughout the entirety of his torso. Crimson eyes shot open wide, the panic coursing through him leading him to slice clean through flesh without even thinking about it— leaving him surrounded by the severed bits and pieces of two carcasses.

Alexei would look around, vision blurring quickly, but verifying there were no more monsters in sight before his trembling hand moved to his chest, then back up in his field of vision, revealing the dark color that now drenched his hands. The moment his adrenaline died, he was on his knees, breath heavy and fast as he pulled himself up against that same tree he’d leaned upon earlier.

Dammit… Alexei would glance down again at his bloodied hands, sword dropped beside him, and slowly close his eyes. He’d intended to get to Heliord quickly, before Raven even had a chance of noticing he was missing, but… he wondered if it would be okay to just close his eyes for a minute or two, at least. He was far too exhausted and in far too much pain to consider the consequences now.

A light chuckle escaped him, lips pulling upward into a weak smile as he considered what Raven might say if he saw him in this state now. Surely he’d chide him for how much of a fool he’d been, and didn’t he deserve it? Had he just waited until morning, he wouldn’t be bleeding out against a damn tree in the dead of night like this. …But perhaps this was fine too.

“Forgive me for this, Schwann….”

If this was how the world deemed it fit for him to pay for his crimes… then so be it.

It mattered not to Alexei who might stare or mutter under their breath about the suspicious, cloaked “mage from Aspio” who followed so closely behind Raven of Altosk, as not a single one of them could ever reasonably piece together that he was, of all people, the Commandant of the Imperial Knights. Just the concept was so strange and far-fetched that anyone who might suggest it would surely be ridiculed as a crazed conspiracy theorist.

What could possibly compel someone of his stature to take to hiding in a guild city, of all places? It simply made no sense– particularly when no one save for Yuri’s party knew anything about the shared identity between Raven and Schwann, thus stopping any connection between Alexei and the guilds dead in its tracks. These reasons, among others, were precisely why Dahngrest had been his city of choice. There wasn’t any better option than this… so long as remaining hidden was his goal.

It was almost robotic, the way he followed so silently behind Raven with a drained mind that had fallen equally as quiet. It was quite the abnormal state for Alexei to find himself in, as he was always stressing over something or another. It felt as if he were merely sleepwalking, and wouldn’t wake until stirred by the suddenness of Raven’s voice, only then glancing up to get a good look at the district they now found themselves in.

So this was where he would be staying, was it…? They never had discussed how long it would be. Days? Weeks? Perhaps even months or years? Raven’s plan was still lacking, having hardly been thought through in the first place, so haphazardly pieced together… and perhaps that would have been fine, had it not been for the encounter they’d had with those knights.

It was a difficult thing to let go, knowing that the other had committed murder in cold blood all for his sake. Would it be nothing more than a one off occurrence? A mere fluke in the heat of the moment? …Or might it happen again, so long as he were to stay here? It was only natural that he felt responsible. Raven just wasn’t the type to do something like this, unless it was on his orders.

The keys jingled, enough to stir him from his thoughts once more, long enough to watch the door creak open, presenting the interior of what would become this temporary safe house of theirs. …And watching Raven now, it would never fail to baffle Alexei just how quickly he could make himself comfortable, no matter where he was or what was at stake. Perhaps this was the best time to bring up his concerns, to speak with Raven, as he so rightfully deserved, before coming to any resolute conclusion… and yet,

“...Raven. Can we talk?”

Despite urging himself to speak, the response he was met with was just more silence.

A step was taken forward, head tilted by just an inch to peer at Raven, only to notice rather quickly how his rhythmic breaths transformed into soft snores.

Asleep already….? Raven must have been tired indeed, if he’d managed to fall asleep before Alexei had even the chance to settle himself in. It had been mere seconds. …But there was no doubt that he deserved to rest. Alexei wouldn’t take his chance to finally sleep away from him.

The conversation could wait, he thought, as he sat atop the couch, finding himself far too anxious to sleep just yet. But the night was long, and gave ample time for Alexei to dwell on matters left unsettled. Time continued to tick by, each second feeling like an eternity as his gaze drifted thoughtfully from Raven, to his sword, to the door. An hour had passed, but it felt closer to a full night for Alexei, thus it was with a sigh that he stood from the couch, walking closer to the sleeping figure who was now collapsed fully on the ground, a quick glance over verifying he was still very much asleep.

“…Raven.” Alexei’s second attempt to stir the other awake was to no avail, lips pursing tight at the continued lack of response.

…It couldn’t be helped, then.

Raven was out like a light, the hopeless fool.

But it was the least he could do to cover said fool with a blanket he’d noticed at the foot of the bed, making certain that at least he was warm before his departure.

It was with one last turn of his head that Alexei would glance back at the other before picking the sword up from against the wall and shutting the door carefully behind him as he made way into the night.

#he’s an idiot #reply #ic #altosk

[cataclysmus]

It mattered not to Alexei who might stare or mutter under their breath about the suspicious, cloaked “mage from Aspio” who followed so closely behind Raven of Altosk, as not a single one of them could ever reasonably piece together that he was, of all people, the Commandant of the Imperial Knights. Just the concept was so strange and far-fetched that anyone who might suggest it would surely be ridiculed as a crazed conspiracy theorist.

What could possibly compel someone of his stature to take to hiding in a guild city, of all places? It simply made no sense– particularly when no one save for Yuri’s party knew anything about the shared identity between Raven and Schwann, thus stopping any connection between Alexei and the guilds dead in its tracks. These reasons, among others, were precisely why Dahngrest had been his city of choice. There wasn’t any better option than this… so long as remaining hidden was his goal.

It was almost robotic, the way he followed so silently behind Raven with a drained mind that had fallen equally as quiet. It was quite the abnormal state for Alexei to find himself in, as he was always stressing over something or another. It felt as if he were merely sleepwalking, and wouldn’t wake until stirred by the suddenness of Raven’s voice, only then glancing up to get a good look at the district they now found themselves in.

So this was where he would be staying, was it…? They never had discussed how long it would be. Days? Weeks? Perhaps even months or years? Raven’s plan was still lacking, having hardly been thought through in the first place, so haphazardly pieced together… and perhaps that would have been fine, had it not been for the encounter they’d had with those knights.

It was a difficult thing to let go, knowing that the other had committed murder in cold blood all for his sake. Would it be nothing more than a one off occurrence? A mere fluke in the heat of the moment? …Or might it happen again, so long as he were to stay here? It was only natural that he felt responsible. Raven just wasn’t the type to do something like this, unless it was on his orders.

The keys jingled, enough to stir him from his thoughts once more, long enough to watch the door creak open, presenting the interior of what would become this temporary safe house of theirs. …And watching Raven now, it would never fail to baffle Alexei just how quickly he could make himself comfortable, no matter where he was or what was at stake. Perhaps this was the best time to bring up his concerns, to speak with Raven, as he so rightfully deserved, before coming to any resolute conclusion… and yet,

“...Raven. Can we talk?”

Despite urging himself to speak, the response he was met with was just more silence.

A step was taken forward, head tilted by just an inch to peer at Raven, only to notice rather quickly how his rhythmic breaths transformed into soft snores.

Asleep already….? Raven must have been tired indeed, if he’d managed to fall asleep before Alexei had even the chance to settle himself in. It had been mere seconds. …But there was no doubt that he deserved to rest. Alexei wouldn’t take his chance to finally sleep away from him.

The conversation could wait, he thought, as he sat atop the couch, finding himself far too anxious to sleep just yet. But the night was long, and gave ample time for Alexei to dwell on matters left unsettled. Time continued to tick by, each second feeling like an eternity as his gaze drifted thoughtfully from Raven, to his sword, to the door. An hour had passed, but it felt closer to a full night for Alexei, thus it was with a sigh that he stood from the couch, walking closer to the sleeping figure who was now collapsed fully on the ground, a quick glance over verifying he was still very much asleep.

“…Raven.” Alexei’s second attempt to stir the other awake was to no avail, lips pursing tight at the continued lack of response.

…It couldn’t be helped, then.

Raven was out like a light, the hopeless fool.

But it was the least he could do to cover said fool with a blanket he’d noticed at the foot of the bed, making certain that at least he was warm before his departure.

It was with one last turn of his head that Alexei would glance back at the other before picking the sword up from against the wall and shutting the door carefully behind him as he made way into the night.

Alexei didn’t know that he’d ever grow used to the drawn out silence that would persist between the two of them. He should have— he knew this. It had been ten years since the day their fates had first intertwined; ten years of these uncomfortable bouts of silence, of unspoken admissions and grievances.

He should have at least learned to deal with it by now. If there was anyone in this world he should know how to communicate properly with, it would be him; he who he’d dragged back from the dead, he who had been with him all these years, no matter the atrocities he’d commit. …Yet it was only when he spoke with that very man that each word he could think to say caught so chokingly in his throat. It was a feeling he truly hated… more than anything.

Pathetic though it may be, what right did he have to ask questions, or criticize, and what would it actually achieve, but more arguments between them? What could he actually do, besides anger the other? Perhaps silence was the better option. It was certainly better than hurting Raven more than he already had. If his useless words couldn’t even accomplish their intended purpose… then there was simply no reason to even speak.

Silence, however, was quite unfortunately the perfect breeding ground for worries to fester. It allowed far too much time to dwell, and to regret, and it couldn’t be helped that his mind would linger all the more heavily on such things the moment he was left alone there on the outskirts of Dhangrest; stuck on the image of blood pooling out from the knight Raven had so swiftly and ruthlessly put an end to, and on that saddened look he’d had upon his face when the name “Schwann” slipped so casually from his lips.

…Alexei had trouble making sense of any of it. Raven had killed a man, a knight, no less, all simply to keep Alexei’s identity hidden, and for what? What reason was there? Could it really be that he was just so accustomed to taking his orders that coming to his defense had become a natural instinct? …It would explain why he’d saved him to begin with, anyway.

At every sound of approaching footsteps, Alexei’s tired expression would perk up in anticipation, if even just the slightest bit, his blurred, dwindling gaze focusing in on the figure only to realize each time that it was someone else exiting the city. More often than not, he would take a few measured steps back, creating as much distance between him and each passerby as he could, lest anyone recognize him as defenseless and faint as he was now.

At the point that Raven finally arrived, it was on instinct that he lowered his head and took a few unsteady steps backwards to make room for what he thought to be another departing guild member, only to hear the familiar voice that urged him to glance upwards. It was only for a moment that Alexei’s unfocused gaze remained there, before averting back downward, struggling to rise again as a quiet and gentle sigh escaped him.

With each argument, it became all the more apparent that speaking too freely only created more problems, thus he kept his words short this time.

“…I’ll manage.” And even if he couldn’t, it changed nothing for Raven.

#SORRY FOR THE CHOPPINESS #my writing feels bleh here but we must go on #reply #ic #altosk

[cataclysmus]

#aesthetic #musings

[cataclysmus]

Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work, but I feel like I should take you out.

Fifth pick-up line, failed (?)

“The appendix may not be necessary for one’s survival, but it does have its uses, and removing it could have fatal consequences, hence why you shouldn’t be taking any organs out of your body unless absolutely necessary. …Unless you’re implying that—“ …Oh. Thinking through it now, it didn’t make much sense for Raven to suddenly be bringing up the appendix of all things now, especially in regard to him.

…Oh no. Had he misunderstood again?

“…Wait— This isn’t another one of your so-called pick-up lines, is it? I… apologize if I misunderstood….”

#reply #ic #altosk #answers #???????? :OOOOO

[cataclysmus]

Can you take off your clothes so I can see where you hide your angel wings?

Fourth pick-up line, dramatically failed.

“Raven.” Starting with just his name like this never led to anything good. “Don’t you have something more important to be doing? Perhaps… guild work for Altosk?”

#reply #ic #altosk #answers #get to fucking work Raven

[cataclysmus]

I was wondering if you’re an artist because you were so good at drawing me in.

Third pick-up line, failed.

“I wouldn’t consider myself particularly skilled at drawing, no. If the situation requires it, I can manage a simple enough sketch, but it would be an overstatement to call me an artist.” Had he entirely missed the point? It seemed that way.

#reply #ic #altosk #answers

[cataclysmus]

I’ve heard it said that kissing is the ‘language of love.’ Would you care to have a conversation with me about it sometime?

Second pick-up line, failed.

“I… don’t see it necessary to have a whole conversation about that.”

“Is there… something in particular that needs to be addressed?”

#reply #ic #altosk #answers #once again I am weeping #now Alexei thinks he did something wrong

[cataclysmus]

Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on Terca Lumireis!

Pick-up line, failed.

“Are you insulting me, Raven?”

“You treat hard work and diligence as if it’s abnormal, when in reality, it’s your indolence that should be frowned upon.”

#reply #ic #altosk #answers #I’m weeping poor Raven #alexei is so dumb with this shit