btrsweetnthngs

[btrsweetnthngs]

[btrsweetnthngs]

You left me long before I told you to

I could see the love you thought u had leave with you

I couldn't tell you how  I missed you so

Insecurities hid my fear

behind  slammed doors

I wish I would have wished for more

Now I'd settle for less than I would be

Watch as I get fucked over more

Cause I despise myself for letting you

Walk out the door

Why can't  I let you go

I'm doing worse than I was you know

I couldn't communicate

that u ment the most 

But I saw u let me go

Just like the ones be4

I felt disposable thats when I slammed the door

Deserve what I got I suppose

Now ill married the first ro propose

This is a lonely road

If ever you thought I could be yours

And you decided my family was now ours

I'd transform myself into the best I know how

What I wouldn't do to work this shit out

#you broke my heart #love yourselves #love is an illusion #stop fucking with me #fuck fake friends #loneliest #i miss him #come home #i fucked up #helpothers #why do i do this to myself #why did i do this #why am i like this #whyyyy #depressing shit #sadgirl

[btrsweetnthngs]

Can't fight the moonlight, how was it night. Hope u sleep right. Don't let the thoughts trick u into what u know ain't right

#fuck fake friends #runaways #sad notes #sideways #how to #why am i like this #love is an illusion #helpothers

[btrsweetnthngs]

Can't help me.

To. far gone.

Unless. N you know...

where my. love is gone.

#alonequotes #loneliest #i miss him #why do i do this to myself #sadgirl

[btrsweetnthngs]

Dr.l. abuhamed

I feel we had unfinished business, I have come to seek help from you on numerous occasions leading way back to when u worked at main street walk in centre. I feel broken, depressed I would say. Like I can't keep up this Sharad anymore. Anti depressants never worked. I just didnt care quiet as much that I hated the way I felt... but by then I didn't reach for help until I self harm or worse and  something has got to change I would say. More pills that don't work. Then finally I get a psychiatrist and thought I could be seeing him regularly yet he had me in and out of his office so fast and I'm sure he was actually onto something when he told me he wouldn't need to see me again. Just asked a bunch of questions from the computer only looking at me a few times and the computer gave him the answer so that was that. ADHD he told me and could have avoided any pitfalls in my life had I been medicated as a child. Told me I wouldn't have been arrested, lost my kids, probably woulda got married, white picket fence... ew, like I want that bs anyways.... he obviously knows I'm sure though cause he had seen my file right, and my purple hair... and 2 plus 2.... right. Fuck. What a waste of life we give to people. Ugh

This whole world is going to shit... and u wanna sit here and tell me its me, just like my parents did my whole life, well sorry but I'm not fucked, its u that are fucked that pretend like this is just something we r going through and we will discover our own normal, well my normal wants to be heard. I want to be fucking seen and heard. Its not normal when horrible things are happening all around and u tell the store clerk, oh I'm good thank u, how are u. Fuckkk that. I'm not good, I didn't say i liked it the way things were before and I sure don't want that back, but I'm not sitting idle. I can't be medicated anymore. I want a re v.  O.  LU.  ...tion? (The walls have ears I only know cause all the walls get torn down if u mention the c word) well I have some info for u, pm me and I'm going to ask you to do something through ur favorite browser. ... just u wait. The uncanny coincidences.  Quote this

"Its like we are _____________ ______and we don't even know" but I do

#sad notes #sadgirl #alonequotes #fuck fake friends #fuck everyone #so fucked up #illusion #bullshit #hate the cold #i cant move #kill me #kill my thoughts #kill my mind #kill my life

[btrsweetnthngs]

Dr.l. abuhamed

I feel we had unfinished business, I have come to seek help from you on numerous occasions leading way back to when u worked at main street walk in centre. I feel broken, depressed I would say. Like I can't keep up this Sharad anymore. Anti depressants never worked. I just didnt care quiet as much that I hated the way I felt... but by then I didn't reach for help until I self harm or worse and  something has got to change I would say. More pills that don't work. Then finally I get a psychiatrist and thought I could be seeing him regularly yet he had me in and out of his office so fast and I'm sure he was actually onto something when he told me he wouldn't need to see me again. Just asked a bunch of questions from the computer only looking at me a few times and the computer gave him the answer so that was that.

ADHD he told me and could have avoided any pitfalls in my life had I been medicated as a child. Told me I wouldn't have been arrested, lost my house, probably woulda got married, white picket fence... ew, like I want that bs anyways.... he obviously knows I'm sure though cause he had seen my file right, and my purple hair... and 2 plus 2.... right. Fuck. What a waste of life we give to people. Ugh

This whole world is going to shit... and u wanna sit here and tell me its me, just like my parents did my whole life, well sorry but I'm not fucked, its you that are fucked that pretend like this is just something we are going through and we will discover our own normal, well my normal wants to be heard. I want to be fucking seen and heard. Its not normal when horrible things are happening all around and you tell the store clerk, oh I'm good thank u, how are u. Fuckkk that. I'm not good, I didn't say i liked it the way things were before and I sure don't want that back, but I'm not sitting idle. I can't be medicated anymore. I want a re v.  O.  LU.  ...tion? (The walls have ears I only know cause all the walls get torn down if u mention the c word) well I have some info for u, pm me and I'm going to ask you to do something through ur favorite browser. ... just u wait. The uncanny coincidences.  Quote this

"Its like we are _____________ ______and we don't even know" but I do

#depressing shit #illusion #life as we know it #we starvin #help my sanity #adhd problems #bipolaire #manic episode #fuck fake friends #hate everyone #the government #what lies at the end #love is an illusion #stop fucking with me #hate you #i miss him #fuck this life #tw suicice #self harrrm

[btrsweetnthngs]

Do you really think a vaccine is nessary for a 2% death rate??

*Pls reblog*

[btrsweetnthngs]

‘i was so fucked up the other day and i couldn’t remember where or who i was and i still formed enough words to talk about you and i resent that because it means i still give a fuck’ playlist

[btrsweetnthngs]

Do you want to draw my next tattoo?

This is just a coloring book I picked some cuteness, I need original tho, can't just copy google please some of the ideas in hashtags but I like the baby marvels and baby Deadpool giving me the finger and I need a bite the bullet drawn up and I have a foot fish and bo-bomb and baby dragon, a south.... I need a cool ox, and roses and compass and clock

#tattoo help #drawing #artists on tumblr #cute animals #nintedo #disney #sexy #art

[btrsweetnthngs]

Do you want to draw my next tattoo?

This is just a coloring book I picked some cuteness, I need original tho, can't just copy google please some of the ideas in hashtags but I like the baby marvels and baby Deadpool giving me the finger and I need a bite the bullet drawn up and I have a foot fish and bo-bomb and baby dragon, a south.... I need a cool ox, and roses and compass and clock

#tattoo help #drawing #artists on tumblr #cute animals #nintedo #disney #sexy #art

[btrsweetnthngs]

Its not even a non thing

[btrsweetnthngs]

I would tell you if I could, but I have tried to find you and can not

#i miss him #want love #loneliest #fuck fake friends #love yourselves #love is an illusion #stop fucking with me #helpothers

[btrsweetnthngs]

#fuck fake friends

[btrsweetnthngs]

The ketamine study end of month 6.

   I've been doing studies on the benefits of ketamine and the beneficial effects it produces in low amounts that actually repair brain damage.  recent studies in patients receiving low doses of ketamine have shown gradual increase of repair on the transmitters that send and receive information in the nurosynapnasis of the brain that were previously damaged. This is helping people that have PTSd, brain damage, have abused saritonin drugs, taken dopamine replacement therapies and have problematic memory lapses. 

I am now a test patient in a study started summer 2019. Previously I had difficulty remembering Appointments, Peoples names, and even how to spell or do simple math. I was suffering from night attacks(ptsd) memory blanks and would glitch(just forget or blank and either start a new one or walk away)  mid conversation. These are all issues I didnt know i was dealing with until a friend started letting me know and I asked my close family and friends and realized it was a regular occurrence for me.    I am diagnosed a the  A dHD however ive never been medicated properly. I have been giving Anti depressants as well as at self medicating with amphetamines and barbiturates. Ive been told by a doctor that I am bi polar or manic, and while doing research and not taking medication have been treating in by leveling out my my highs by cbt so as the lows aren't as detrimental on my health.  The reason that I am writing this at this moment is because I have niticed dramatic changes in my memory since starting the ketamine experiment. For example I am writing... that alone,  but also,from memory , of things I read over a month ago. I can remember math equations for excell spreadsheets. Something I haven't known for years. I can recall where I know someone from just by looking at them( haven't remembered a single soul who I've ran into from my past who obviously knew me, that I knew.) I can remember people from high school when just last year only could recall 3 people I went to school with. I can remember apoointment( haven't missed one in months), birthdays, and to do lists. I know phone number and can remeber everything I did yesterday without being reminded... which hasn't happened in years. More to come. So exciting

#memory #ptsd thoughts #ptsdlife #adhd problems #adhd help #ptsd healing #love yourselves #fuck fake friends #ketamine #drugs warning #helpothers #medical research #help my sanity

[btrsweetnthngs]

Once again.

It’s that time, where I am completely lonely.

That time I suffocate in problems.

That time I doubt my worth.

That time I overthink everything.

Im not weak. Actually I’ve been strong for too long. I feel my life slip through my fingers. I can no longer reach myself.

How is that possible? How can someone feel so detached from oneself?

My best friend has suicidal thoughts again. The one person I admire so much for overcoming his depression told me he wants to die.

Im drowning.

How can you save yourself from drowning? How do you fight if there nothing to fight for?

I want it to stop. This unbearable pain. This silence inside my chest. Am I even Alive?

I feel empty. Is it worth living if you don’t feel anything at all?

I didn’t even know a human could feel this. A feeling similar to sitting in a completely silent room and hearing the clock in another room.

I feel nothing. NOTHING. there is nothing. How is this even possible? Does that mean I am nothing?

[btrsweetnthngs]

I just cant

#kill my mind #kill my thoughts #wish i was dead #wish i was someone else #why do i do this to myself #fuck fake friends #love is an illusion #helpothers #stop fucking with me #wanna fuck #loneliest #fuck every single one of you #fuck everyone #i hate you #kill me #hate everyone #depressing shit

[btrsweetnthngs]

Sitting in my k hole of a car alone and sinking

#ketamine #highasfk #fuck fake friends #so fucked up