blackcoffeedietcoke

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it really is insane how waking up early will grant you access to some of the most beautiful sights and sensations in the world that will make you want to live forever, but only if you overcome the gauntlet of a thousand razors that is getting out of bed early. truly one of life's little saw traps.

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All my body ever wanted was to be my home. All it ever asked for was to be taken care of. And i was cruel to it. I was cruel to it because others were cruel to me. I couldn't control the way they treated me so I controlled my body instead. Except i didn't. Not really. My ed controlled me. No more. My body is my home and i should love it for that. I should nourish it and take care of it. And I will.

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from rayne fisher-quann’s latest substack post

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You're not supposed to fight against your feelings. Don't push them away, don't surpress them. Rather, think to yourself: "This feeling is painful and I don't like it, but I will allow myself to feel what I am feeling. It will eventually get better. Feelings are not forever. I am gonna feel this feeling intentionally for a while, then I can distract myself. My feelings are valid and allowed. I am not at war with myself. I don't want to numb myself. I will be happy again soon. There is a time for everything".

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I have a legitimate fear that I am unlovable.

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No you cannot fix your entire life at 2am. Go to bed.

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another question that gets me is… would u be friends with your parents if they were your not your parents/ were the age you are now?? hard to tell bc who knows what they were really like at 20 something but….. we wonder. and we wonder and wonder. 

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same energy

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source

@el-huddpudd for your poetry tag 💜

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I think about this tweet often

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Clementine

I peel the skin away

Daring myself to do it in one piece

It soothes me

Knowing I can keep it whole

I split apart the wedges

and slip the first piece into my mouth

I love me

The second piece lingers on my tongue

I love me not

I force myself to chew and swallow

The third piece

I love me

I savor the flavor

And remind myself this is good for me

The fourth piece

I love me not

4.5 calories added to the tally in my head

The fifth piece

I love me

4.5 calories

I am fueling my body

Giving it what it needs

The sixth piece

I love me not

The strings stick in my teeth

I spit the whole thing out

It was ruined anyways

The seventh piece

I love me

Chew and swallow

The juices run down the back of my throat

And settle in my stomach

The eighth piece

I love me not

It taunts me

How can such a small crescent take up so much space

I’m not really even that hungry

And it’s only one piece

I turn the plate over into the trash can

It is empty

I wish I was empty

I love me not

#poetry #thoughts #i need to stop eating #tw ed relapse

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Their is something in you which keeps you away from your own self