billford-dump

[billford-dump]

Ford isn't actually over Bill, isn't he?

No. Never.

Bill was everything to him for almost his entire life. In those happy golden days when Bill was his Blessed Muse and Ford was the once-in-a-century brilliant mind that had been handpicked for greatness. In the months of haggard paranoia and fear and sleeplessness that wore him down to a husk when he found out what Bill really was. In the thirty years of desperately struggling to survive while gathering the parts for a machine to kill a god.

Since the day they met, Bill has been Ford's sun, the center of his world, and almost every action he's taken since that day orbits around him.

#billford #bill cipher #ford pines #gravity falls

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"Is Ford gonna find anyone else in the multiverse who strokes his ego as well as [Bill]?"

i mean weird thing for ford to name his dick/puss/alien-bottom-surgery-result but go off i guess

#ford pines #billford #gravity falls #shitposting hours #also: asks+requests are still open #suggestive

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everyone stop what you're talking about

okay, you may proceed

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I think when Ford gets road rage at the car in front of him he flashes his headlights at them in morse code

#reblog #yeah this is canon #to me

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he drinks these things without watering them down first:

What does bill usually eat and drink? And how often? Does he eat when the rest of the humans do?

First choice:

When there's a meal being served—such as Abuelita cooking dinner or Stan grilling burgers—Bill eats whatever everyone else eats. (Provided he got to see Abuelita cook—to ensure cyanide wasn't an ingredient in his serving.) This accounts for maybe 15% of his meals.

Second choice:

If he happens to be in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, he'll ask them to open the fridge/cabinets to let him get food for himself or, more rarely, ask them to prepare something he isn't allowed to prepare for himself. This means he'll often eat at the same time as them, because swooping into the kitchen while THEY'RE eating means he can get food too.

When he does have full kitchen access, he creates the most disgusting concoctions known to mankind.

Human brains are wired from infancy to find almost all tastes disgusting until they've had them enough to learn to appreciate them (i.e., accept they aren't poisonous)—why kids are generally pickier eaters than adults. The Axolotl trusts that Bill knows enough about human diets to know what is and isn't food—he does—so Bill didn't get given a baby palate. Instead, he's the opposite: he finds almost all tastes okay. Nothing really tastes bad to him.

So his measure for food that "tastes good" isn't QUALITY of taste, but QUANTITY of taste. Bland food is disgusting. The more and stronger flavors a food has, and the more different they are from each other, the more he likes it.

When making his own food he wants maximum flavor for minimum effort. This is why he has a tendency to take as many condiments as he can, no matter how poorly they go together—in fact, ESPECIALLY if they go poorly together—mix them into a slurry, and then drop in enough solid food to cover his body's minimum nutritional needs. (He would do the same thing with spices, but the spices are kept in a cabinet and it's just not worth the trouble to him to specifically ask for access.)

As of chapter 39, he's no longer willing to ask someone else to help prepare something for him, and won't ask Ford to so much as open the fridge for him. Full kitchen access used to account for about 35% of his meals, now it's more like 25%.

Third choice:

If no one's in the kitchen, he won't go looking for someone; he'd rather starve than plea for food from the people who took his food access away. Instead, he'll just eat whatever he can scrounge off the open shelving. That means no food that requires refrigeration, cooking, or microwaving; and no food that's canned, in glass jars, or needs scissors to open. In practice, this means a whole lot of junk food—chips, cookies, candy, jerky, cereal, soda. The most nutritious thing he has regular and easy access to is peanut butter. He has a lot of peanut butter sandwiches. He dislikes peanut butter sandwiches, but he understands nutrition better than most humans and knows chips and jerky can only carry him so far. Scrounging accounts for 60% of his meals.

Beyond all that:

He likes triangle-shaped foods because he is, in fact, that much of an egotistical dork. He will legitimately get angry about nachos with circular or rectangular tortilla chips.

And (with Mabel's encouragement) he's become a fan of dumping sprinkles on as many things as possible. You know how grocery stores sell a bunch of different mixes of sprinkles? Different styles & colors & textures & shapes? Mabel has brought a WIDE variety of sprinkles into the house, and is teaching Bill the fine art of mixing sprinkles artistically for maximum aesthetic value. He likes the fancy-looking gold/silver/white varieties.

He drinks too much—usually, but not exclusively, to get to sleep. This is a bad thing. If called on this, he gets defensive, suggests he needs it like a "medication" to numb the discomfort of fitting a triangular soul in a human body—like taking medicine to prevent a body from rejecting a donor organ—and that the humans wouldn't understand it so they have no room to criticize. This is a VERY bad thing. I'd say he's speedrunning alcoholism, except he's continuing a pattern of substance abuse he had as a triangle, so tbh he was already there.

#reblog #the serving size is 2ml for every 237ml of water #most containers have 48ml in them #so its supposed to make like 5.7 liters of flavored water but hes drinking all the flavor at once #THATS OVER A GALLON AND A HALF #one time i tried like. a drop of this stuff undiluted out of curiosity #it was awful the flavor was SO intense #i immediately drank like a gallon of water to get it out of my mouth #but i think hed enjoy it

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Hey, make sure you go to your blog settings and turn off third party viewing! You'll have to do this for each individual sideblog.

#side note requests/suggestions/asks are still open

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#reblog #ok this isnt billford #or bill #or ford #but look at him!! #hes adorable

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Bill getting Ford a rare book for valentine's day.

There's maybe 5 known copies left and it's a reputable source of occult information that Ford has wanted to read for years and he wakes up on valentine's to this absurdly rare and valuable book sitting beside his bed.

Bill doesn't mention it. Doesn't give the slightest indication that it was from him.

(But he does smile internally when he sees Ford so engrossed in the book that he doesn't even react when he gets called for lunch.)

#gravity falls #billford #ford pines #bill cipher #what era? #who knows! #maybe fidds was trying to get ford to eat something for once instead of working on that dang portal all day #maybe stan just finshed cooking up some fish he caught #maybe something entirely different!

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So I saw @ckret2’s Evil Ford AU, and it gave me brain worms. What’s better than one Evil Old Man? TWO EVIL OLD MEN!

The idea here is that Ford decided to join Bill, and they dealt Stan into the plan when he turned up in 1982. Then shenanigans happened and he ended up in the portal. Stan’s still in on the plan, but he’s having misgivings after what Bill did to Dipper in Sock Opera.

Basically, tldr: Stan and Ford are evil but otherwise exactly the same.

#reblog #AHAHAHAHAHA #YES MORE EVIL FORD #WITH BONUS EVIL STAN EVEN BETTER

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Stranger Avatar Stan Thoughts

It starts with his first new identity, not long after he was kicked out. He… enjoyed being someone else. He was no longer Stanley Pines, high school dropout, moron who ruined his genius brother's science fair project, the useless kid, the spare. Now he's Stan Pinington, a man who has just barely started existing, who is old enough to hold a proper job, who has never fucked up so badly he got kicked out, who is confident and smart and is going to make millions.

It doesn't turn out like that, of course. He gets fired from his new job after a week, barely earns enough to pay for food and gas. He keeps going, keeps trying, because at least this was better than being Stanley. Eventually he broke one too many laws and was forced to leave Jersey, but that's okay because now he was Leland Oakley, a new face with new opportunities.

And on and on, he became person after person after person. Never caught, never recognized when he didn't want to be.

Then came the day he had to become Stanford Pines. He's not sure how anyone actually believed he was his brother, the hands alone were a dead giveaway, not to mention the sudden lack of nerdiness. But still, he settled into his new role, molded it to fit him better, and eventually "Stanford Pines, the reclusive scientist" became "Stan Pines, the owner of the Murder Hut (later renamed the Mystery Shack)".

---

Stan doesn't even know he's an avatar. He's not a full one, never actually crossed the boundary between human and Not, still stuck between them. There was usually enough fear around to keep him from getting hungry, and the way that he could go weeks without eating if he had to was something he wasn't about to question. The only time he got seriously hungry was after Ford fell through the portal and he spent weeks (it was months, he survived for MONTHS on what little half-rotten food Ford had in his house) before he was so hungry he was forced to go into town.

He felt so much better, once he gave that first tour. He tells himself it's because now he has money, and money always makes him feel better. The townsfolk won't make eye contact with him, but something keeps a few of them coming back.

The Mystery Shack is the way he feeds himself, although he isn't aware of it. That mild fear of the tourists is enough, and at the height of tourist season he doesn't even have to sleep, he can work all night and feel fresh and ready to go in the morning. The off-season is another story, he'll fall asleep and wake up days later, telling himself he just forgot to mark the calendar.

(He knows there's something very, very wrong with him. But if it helps him get his brother back sooner, he will embrace that wrongness completely.)

---

He never closes down his wax museum. See, rather than them just being cursed wax figures, a few months after he stole them they stopped being constrained by their curse and started being animate all the time. And THEY were aware that Stan was nearly an avatar, and they enjoyed hanging out in his house, so they put in the effort to scare the shit out of people to feed him. Like paying rent. When the wax museum stopped pulling in money they got moved to the main area instead of locked up.

That, plus he can supplement his diet with human food.

Occasionally though, when all of that isn't enough, he'll feel… odd. He'll lead tourists through rooms he doesn't remember having and the tourists' expressions will change from that gullible interest he's so used to into fear, then terror, but they just follow him until the end of the tour and then leave immediately without buying anything. (They watch, as the old man acting as their tour guide looks less and less human, leads them past hanging, empty skin and people who aren't people, leads them past puppets and mannequins and people they Do Not Recognize, and the moment they're outside again they flee in terror and never even set foot in Oregon again.)

---

Then came the day he was finally, finally able to bring his brother back…. His brother, who barely recognized him, who treated him like a stranger when he first saw him, who seemed wary and on guard and kept protectively placing himself between Stan and the kids.

(Avatar Ford post here.)

#gravity falls #stan pines #the magnus archives #tma #stranger avatar stan #stranger fear entity #fun fact ive discussed this with ckret a bit #we decided that the wax statue episode is different #mabel and dipper know stan is weirdly attached to his wax statues so when one of them is KILLED? #oh poor grunkle stan they need to find who did it! #who chopped off dearly departed wax abe lincoln's head! #they hold a funeral and everything #(stan killed wax abe bc he had said the kids were off limits but the wax figures kept trying to scare them. he was making an example) #it ends the sameish but mabel uses the leftover wax to create a unicorn that stan is very careful not to animate

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ITS FINALLY HAPPENED

PREPARE FOR STRANGER STAN

#>:) #been waiting for someone to mention this for so long. #gimme like an hour or two and youll have stranger stan #i love you brainrot-question-mark for you have freed me from the curse of Would Anyone Even Care About This anxiety

[billford-dump]

I feel like Bill would try to win over the kids in an Evil Ford au. Like. Instead of just trick them or use them. Look at them. They are like baby Ford but boring (but we can totally work on that) and brightly colored fun loving baby Bill with too many scruples (but we can totally work on that). Humans like to establish ruling dynasties, right? Ford will like if he preserves the baby Pines. Even if Ford didn't feel strongly about them, Bill could.

Nah, Bill wouldn't care more about Ford's family than Ford himself does. He mainly uses the fact that Ford's working for him as an excuse to be even more ominous.

Ford's evil, but he's not heartless; he still cares about his family. He and Bill have made an arrangement.

The arrangement is "Bill, I'll follow you to the ends of the multiverse, but if you harm one hair on my family's heads I will melt you down into 4 karat novelty rings and sell you to preteens from a mall kiosk."

In practice all this actually means is that, if anybody asks, Bill's threat to throw Dipper's body off a water tower was totally just a joke.

On the bright side spending his portal years with Mr. All-Seeing Eye means Ford got regular updates on how his family was doing.

#reblog #absolutely WHEEZING at ford in the last panel #hes doing a silly little jig :D

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please more evil ford please i stare with my puppy eyes for this i am obbsessed

Yeah all right, I've been working on some art. (For context, we're talking about this Evil Ford.)

Evil Ford is Evil as in "cheerfully works with Bill even after learning his full plot" and "is totally ready to conquer and/or destroy the world." But other than the shocking lack of basic ethics and the supervillain objective he's mostly the same guy—which means he still cares about his family. He's hoping to get them to join in on the world conquest plan.

Forty-odd years ago he went off to college promising someday he'd be a big shot scientist who changes the world and he'd make his family a fortune. If taking over reality doesn't qualify he doesn't know what does. The family can join him and his buddy Bill and rule the universe together. Pines Pines Pines Pines!

Unfortunately for him, the rest of the family still has normal moral compasses. And also they've met Bill.

Bill can't currently possess Ford due to Reasons; but even though he can't get in the driver's seat he still has permission to ride shotgun at any time. Ford talks to him pretty regularly. He HAS been caught doing this. Stan thinks he's just gone a little nutty from thirty years of isolation.

Naturally, since he was always on Bill's side, Ford's perception of events during Weirdmageddon is a bit different:

I finally made an official Evil Ford New Costume Character Design, check out his exciting totally different brand new look:

I decided that, since Ford is still basically the same person aside from his terrible life goals, he'd probably have the same fashion sense. And so... nothing changes except two tiny details lmao.

But he DOES have tattoos:

I traced a canon character model and took off its top to get a base to slap tattoos on, and then went dang... they gave him a big head and arms. He looks goofy. Anyway,

His forearms have less incriminating tattoos—just a birch tree and a sunrise. (The sunrise looks like the Journal 3 "The Muse Has Spoken" page.) The red text is the "triangulum entangulum" ritual; if anyone asks he'll go "it's uhh an ancient Sumerian poem about how great science is." It's not until he's topless that it's like "oh so he's a CULTIST cultist." The one exception is an unconcealed Eye of Providence on his right palm—but it's in an ink that's only visible in certain lighting. It's there so at any time he can point his hand at something and go "Bill are you seeing this BS?"

Of course, he still has the "hey now, you're an all star" neck tattoo. I didn't have room to draw it.

As you can see, he's made being Bill's right hand man a core part of his personality. Rather than spending 30 years scrabbling around the multiverse desperately searching for a way to destroy Bill, he spent 30 years chilling in the Quadrangle of Qonfusion as Bill's specialest favoritest Henchmaniac, and only scrabbling around the multiverse occasionally for fun & profit.

Here's a photo Bill & Ford took at a Nightmare Realm house party like fifteen years ago, three minutes before Bill started an argument and set the house on fire.

Most people have their wild party years in college, Ford has his in his 40s.

#reblog #evil ford my beloved <3

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lmao sorry for the confusion

There's this poll on twitter, the tumblr sexyman poll, y'know the jizz. It's in pair now, and Bill is paired with Wheatley. I am asking about your hc on how Fordsy and Bill reaction to this. Idk i just think it's funny if they were to be aware of this fiasco.

Ohhhh, okay! I'm not on Twitter lol, had no idea.

Bill thinks it's great. People are calling him sexy, as they should. He is entirely confident in the fact that he's going to win. Loves the publicity and attention, loves how his most devoted followers get so mad when people vote incorrectly, loves the drama. He definitely brags about it.

Ford on the other hand is mostly confused. To him, Bill is neither sexy nor a man. Attractive, sure, but sexy? And Bill doesn't have a human-relevant gender in the first place, he's a triangle and identifies as such! The whole thing is ridiculous and makes no sense. He still votes for Bill.

#ask #thank you for clarification lol #bill also votes for himself and if he starts falling behind makes a bunch of new accounts to “correct” the number of votes #he gets soooo mad if/when he loses and promptly becomes depressed #nobody likes him. hes not sexy. he lost to [person who won]. how much more of a loser could he possibly be. #ford has to comfort him

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Yooo tumblr sexyman team is hyping up rn

My question is how does Ford feels about his babygirl competing?

H. Huh? What does this mean. Please elaborate, are you asking for thoughts on Bill Cipher as a character competing in a sexyman thing? Did someone enter my cluster of Bill headcanons in a poll?

#ask #what is my babygirl competing in #will answer this properly when i know what its about but i need some clarification first

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Amazing and accurate takes from @stanford-cipher and @servonium

do you have a specific design/hc to how human bill looks?

At the beginning, he pretty much fits the tumblr sexyman model, just shorter than people tend to draw him. Absolutely gorgeous, golden blonde hair, straight white teeth, sun-kissed skin, dapper suit, all that stuff.

The issue is that he never takes care of his body.

He ends up bony as hell because he forgets to eat unless reminded to. That "golden blonde hair" gets gross and knotted because he doesn't bother to wash it properly and only ever brushes it with his hands. His eyebags make him look even more half-dead because he doesn't actually know how to sleep. He develops a sickly pallor. Fortunately his eyes and eyelashes stay just as beautiful as they started, because that's probably the only feature he actually likes!

The suit is thrown out almost immediately. Too restrictive, too many parts, too much effort to put on, plus it looks stupid. He wears t-shirts/tank tops and shorts/sweatpants instead. Much simpler.

#reblog #i love love love when people add their thoughts #its like a special little gift #i see it and go :D! #site note if you want me to remove yalls names just lmk its no problem #some people dont like having attention called to them and i respect that

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could I redraw some of your billford ideas? It’s hilarious and I am obsessed with them

Absolutely! Just tag me if you post any, I'd love to see them!

#ask