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sometimes i think to myself fuck baby you gotta live. and then i buy another pack of cigarettes

#ok i'm holding that thought though. delaying gratification. but not quite weaning myself off bc i still want to smoke but i gotta smoke less #went down from about 10 a day to 2-3 a day within a week #pats myself in the back #cw smoking

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what is your holy trinity of fruits

#mango tangerine honeydew

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disappointing that uhura is never shown with a genuine romantic interest, even for a one-off episode. because like snw established, in my favorite bit of dialogue of the show, that she stays up late translating sonnets so much that everyone knows that about her. and anyway now i'm thinking of a dead poets society, headed by uhura, and also hemmer is there bc she asked him very politely (also he's alive) and chapel is there bc she has a whole Thing for whitman she doesn't want to admit to anyone else. and uhura always brings the wildest poems that absolutely no one can understand but that's why she likes them so much, the translating is never over, it's in flux and it's dynamic--and then chapel tries to convince her to give a reading one time and she's like "absolutely not" bc she's young and still a little shy but one night their secluded "cave" (im imagining an immaculately constructed fort that hemmer takes a lot of pride in) of a meeting place doesn't work so they end up in the corner of a common-area and uhura does what she does, getting caught up in the stars and romance and ships and so on, and accidentally delivers a vulcan poem she read that week, about like pared down reality in the shape of spherical celestial orb and the way sucking marrow is logical so as to honor life, and it's, like, a little too good and makes chapel tear up and a bunch of adventurers briefly long for home but also hey t'pring is there with spock (who cares not for the poem), listening to an adventurer understand what it is t'pring understands, an adventurer with a combination of the dreaminess and humility that we see mostly in older uhura, and it suddenly means something, that she's there listening to a practical stranger recite a verse, in which the verse isn't large but small and thus worth it, and so the translation continues. and she's charmed. and uhura is charming. and there should be more of that in space.

#oh my god #star trek

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I am obsessed with fictional guys being really weird about each other. Hard at work in the plausible deniability mines. You know those pairings who would jerk each other off before they'd kiss

#jesslupe

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I have normal feelings for the way B'Elanna smirks...

#chief engineer of my heart

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missing lupe garcía hours

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#cover the lid with the edge of my shirt and try to twist it open that way

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SO DON'T GIVE ME THE WORLD TODAY... AND TOMORROW TAKE IT AWAY......

#leonard cohen #thanks for the song mr. knight

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you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling

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“I have never been in despair about the world. I am enraged by it. I can't afford despair. You can't tell the children there's no hope.” - Baldwin

#james baldwin #i love you james baldwin

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not that either is a good thing but there is a small cosmic sort of irony to appreciate in the way that the russian invasion of ukraine and the most recent nakba happened so close together and how they through comparison made it undeniably clear how much the definition of war crime and genocide and atrocity &etc depends on the geopolitical interests of the imperial core

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Looking out the window and seeing a little bird can honestly be so life changing

#this except what i saw was a really large rat #i love living in the capital of the region

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this is just the beginning of this awesome list. these movies are all essential viewing imo so it's pretty cool that you can google "[x film] archive.org" and you can just watch it.

#gotta watch all of these ESPECIALLY the watermelon woman

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i can play the entirety of the song now yay :D

taught myself the refrain to hallelujah on a keyboard today

#i love you leonard cohen #thank you my favorite old man #i've been so upset post election & listening to him & learning his songs have been keeping me together #with the power of god & leonard cohen on my side i will graduate college this semester despite everything #bismillah

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well wouldn't you look at that my nicotine addiction is back in full swing

#cw smoking #at least it's the herbal infusion that's supposedly good for chronic illness and allergy #but there's just nothing like smoking & learning leonard cohen on the keyboard while i'm going through the angst of finishing my thesis #and i miss my friends so bad

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taught myself the refrain to hallelujah on a keyboard today

#i am not musical at all it took me 2 hours

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thought i could tough it out but i couldn't. so

#i thank my friends for their emotional support when i get like this