bearmcpears

[bearmcpears]

The Understanding of Pain

Zhongli x Reader

Reader = Gender Neutral

ANGST/HURT/COMFORT

- Zhongli comes back from the Archon war after leaving you suddenly. A small short fic filled with angst and comfort -

You sit near the fireplace in the home that you share with your beloved friend, Zhongli. Though, it seems that this home is no longer considered a home of two, seeing as that your closest friend hasn’t been home for almost 2 years.

Originally you had planned out your life with your childhood friend but once Zhongli had been selected to be one of the archons, everything changed... Nothing was the same, and despite Zhongli’s constant reassurances that nothing will change, his actions didn’t match up to his words.

You began to realize such when Zhongli didn’t match the same energy as much, and in fact.. communicating with him was rather hard. Zhongli became rather inconsistent with spending time with you and suddenly.. he left you with nothing but one simple letter.

Shaking your head, you get up and splash your face to ease the growing headache. Thinking too hard about Zhongli always made your head hurt. But even though, you have still found your way around those nagging feelings to provide some self-comfort.

After a good pep-talk to yourself in the bathroom, you find yourself downstairs to make yourself dinner. There wasn’t much in the small tavern.

“Darn.. need to go to the market soon” You hummed, crouching down to grab a half loaf of bread with little slices of ham.

That would have to suffice for now.

You run a hand through your hair and watch the slices of ham sizzle under the fire of your stove. You begin to zone out as you think mentally about what you plan to do.

You began to voice out your thoughts, “Eggs.. we need eggs.. what else.. maybe some more butter.. we do have more meat in the fridge-”

Your thoughts were cut off when you hear the light pounding of knocks at your door. Eyes narrowing, you slowly blow out the remaining fire of the stove and approach the door. Who on earth would be knocking on the door at this hour? Must be some advertiser or a drunkard that went to the wrong place.

You place the palm of your hand at the door and twist the knob. At first, you glance up to see that the light on your porch was off which made it hard for you to see whoever was at your doorstep.

“Hello?” You asked slowly

Fully opening the door, you stand in front of the doorway and at once you’re legs almost lock and your heart skips a beat.

Approaching the door, the figure standing on the other side was no other than your old friend. The light from inside was the only thing that lit up Zhongli’s face and you couldn’t help but notice the tiredness in his eyes.

You shake your head quickly and compose yourself, “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, don’t I?” Zhongli murmured.

“Do you really get to say that? You left for two years with nothing but one letter. One. Letter. Zhongli!”

Zhongli wore nothing but a look of guilt as his hands nervously rubbed together, “You know that it was for the better. I did not ask to become an Archon, and when duty calls, I must go”

“You could have at least told me with your own mouth! You proclaim yourself as self-less but you’re nothing but-” You hastily clench your jaw as you stare at him with a death glare “a coward”

Zhongli looked at you with nothing but guilt as his feet shuffled a bit closer, “I do not understand why you feel this way. What I did was for the better of our world..-”

“I’m not talking about the world! Or your duty as an Archon! I’m talking about us... What you did to me. How could you suddenly leave me for two years without anything”

“But.. I gave you a letter and-”

“Do you really think that’s enough for me?” You yell.

You find Zhongli growing quiet and your long-held anger begins to grow. You clench your fist and begin to shut the door, only to be stopped by a hand.

“I still live here”

“Not anymore”

~~

It had only been a few days since the night you expressed your anger to Zhongli. You felt relieved that you were able to tell let out all the pent-up emotions but you couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. After all, it had been two years since he saw you as well. At least he hasn’t forgotten you...

You run a tired hand through your hair as you lean back into your chair and look at your scribbled notes that were supposed to be a list of groceries but turned into a mess of ink.

“Best not to dwell on things and start doing something productive,” You say to yourself as you get up and walk to your bedroom, making sure to not look in the direction of Zhongli’s room.

You wonder where he is after you didn’t allow him back inside as you get changed into a simple shirt and pants.

After getting ready, you exit the tavern and make your way to the markets. You curse under your breath when you realized that leaving the house without a written list of groceries was definitely not a smart decision. Oh well, it was too late now. You inevitably decide to go off your memory.

About an hour into your shopping you notice a small cat dragging its tail along the lower area of your leg. You look down and smile at the cat who was circling you now.

You attempt to move away but it seems the cat has other priorities and you seem to notice that the cat is trying to lead you somewhere. You consider your options of choosing between shopping and following this grey-colored cat and you decide to go adventure to where the cat leads you.

There was a bit of walking until the cat finally came to a halt. You raise an eyebrow as the cat makes a turn into a slight ally way. Turning your head in the direction of where the cat went, you’re surprised to see Zhongli resting against a trash bag. A dirty-looking one too...

You chewed on your lower lip with a bit of guilt as you kneel in front of Zhongli who was seemingly fast asleep. Raising your hand, you press it to Zhongli’s shoulder and push on it.

Zhongli was instantly awoken and looked surprised to see you.

“Hello, Rex lapis”

Zhongli’s eyes narrowed at you, “What?”

“If you’re confused at why I’m here, then a cat led me to you. Speaking of which, why are you even sleeping on a trash bag”

Zhongli processed the information you told him and took a second to answer, “I had nowhere else to go. Four days on a trash bag isn’t as bad as it seems”

“But, why? There’s inn’s you could rent for a couple of nights, surely you’ll have enough since you’re some big Archon”

“Actually, being an Archon does not ensure that I will have a lot of riches. In fact, I’m... technically no better than a beggar on the street in terms of Mora”

You look at him with disbelief, “No way, you have to be joking”

“Does it look like I’m joking?”

You decide to not respond to that as you stand back up on your feet, “Well seeing as that you’re in a not-so-good situation, I can lend you some Mora for a couple of nights at the inn-”

“Why won’t you let me live in my own home? You do know that there is a contract that states that I still own the shared property, yet you insist that I no longer live there..”

“You really are delusional” You sigh, looking at Zhongli through the corner of your eye, "Fine, you can come back. After all, there is no put in arguing over something I can't win"

With that, you leave without another word.

~~

It had been almost a week since you saw Zhongli in the alleyway of the market. This week has been nerve-wracking for you since even after offering Zhongli to live in your shared tavern again, he hasn't made an effort to come back. Not foot stepped foot on your porch.

"Gosh... I really messed up didn't I?" You groaned. You began to let your thoughts make you weak and regretful. All you wanted was to make Zhongli understand how you felt and now all you've done is pushed him away.

'He probably hates me now' You think to yourself.

Looking outside, you feel yourself grow anxious when the starry night has begun to rain. You wonder if you should run over to where you assumed Zhongli would be... but what if he didn't want to see you.

You shake the thoughts off and you grab your coat, not bothering to grab an umbrella then sprinting out the door to the market.

~~

"Zhongli!" You call urgently called out. Your head spins when your anxiety begins to reach its peak. When you had arrived, Zhongli hadn't been in his original spot and you worry about what has happened to him.

'It was only rain... There's nothing that could have happened to him' You tell yourself as you pace around the area. Maybe Zhongli went to go get something from one of the local bars. Maybe he moved locations.

There were too many thoughts racing through your mind. Though, there was one place that popped into your mind.

~~

"I knew you'd be here" You huffed out, bending over a bit to catch your breath.

Zhongli stared at you from where he stood and hurried over to you, "You- You're drenched... Why would you come outside in this weather without any sort of protection?"

"I have a coat, I'm fine"

"Yes, but your hair... It's as wet as a wet mop" Zhongli cringed as he grabbed a tucked piece of cloth from his pocket and patted the dripping ends of your hair and the droplets of water that trailed down your face.

You laughed for the first time with him, "Rain can't hurt me, Rex lapis"

Zhongli frowned at the name, "Why do you insist on calling me that now? Zhongli is a name that you usually call me by"

"Mmm, what's wrong with doing it without a reason"

"No reason particularly, though... I do like it when you call me 'Zhongli'" He coughed into his hand and finally removed the cloth from your forehead.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"What brings you here anyway?" Zhongli asked.

"I could ask you the same thing, but... I think we both remember the significance of this place" You hummed.

"In fact we do. I still remember the thundering storm and having to hide under the bench because we thought that if we touched any part of the rain... we would be electrocuted. How naive we were"

"It definitely was memorable"

For the first time in years, you felt connected to Zhongli after reminiscing that moment with him. The silence between the two of you grew to be comforting and you finally turn your head to look at him.

"Wanna come back home?"

~~

"It seems you haven't changed the place all that much" Zhongli commented to you as he walked around, running his fingertips across the furniture.

You scratch the back of your neck and smile gingerly, "Well, I didn't have anything to change. I wanted to keep it the same as how you left it"

You began to reconsider your choice of words when you saw Zhongli clench his fists and close his eyes. He was definitely thinking deeply about something.

You attempt to change the subject, "H-Hey... Forget I said that, I meant to say-"

"Do you want to talk?" Zhongli offered, walking closer to you as he held a serious expression.

"A-About?" The proximity made you nervous and want to back away for some reason.

Zhongli sighed, "After thinking over what you said to me the night I returned... I realized that I was wrong. I shouldn't have suddenly left, and I may not understand all of your feelings but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to understand them"

You considered his words, "Zhongli... It's okay-"

"No. Do not say it is okay when you wore such a pained expression that night. If what I did to you caused so much grief... please tell me what I did wrong"

"I-It's..." You stumbled on your words but slowly gained confidence, "You did leave suddenly and- and, I felt that when you left leaving only but a letter with such little words.. I felt abandoned. As if I didn't matter. Was that all our friendship was to you, Zhongli? You didn't think it was important enough, so you left without even saying goodbye to my face? You have to understand that affected me dearly"

Zhongli nodded at you, "I wasn't thinking clearly that night. I was naive, and I wanted an easy way out to leave without causing you any pain. I thought that leaving you a note would make the pain more bearable. But, It seems that it has done the opposite"

You went to respond with forgiveness but your face heated up when you felt hands wrap around your shoulders and pulled forward into a searing hug. You froze up at the close contact and the smell of Zhongli was more prominent now.

"Z-Zhongli?"

"I also realized something that I should've told you before I left"

You blinked at him slowly and when you're eyes reopened, lips were pressed against yours as Zhongli whispered against them.

"That I love you"

(Wowie, okay. This was actually one of my first genshin fic’s I’ve ever written before so I apologize if somethings are off. I’m more of a small writer but I’ve written a lot of fanfictions. I do plan to continue writing on this platform a little more and I would like to say that I’m open to any requests. So, If you wish for me to write anything.. I’m always down to write something! Thanks for reading this far if you have :) )

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