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axel-skz · 2 months

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Hi hello read this rn damn its so good

reckless

pairing: Seungmin x reader warnings: language, arguing, angry Seungmin, angst, violent chopping of vegetables, mentions of a knife (nothing violent with it besides the vegetable chopping) words: 3,505

a/n: so i know i haven't updated my two long-awaited stories, but i wanted do something for now to keep you all entertained. hopefully it keeps you all occupied until i can get the next parts to my other stories updated. enjoy!

the clock on the bed stand hit another hour. you turned around already knowing that his side of the bed would be empty. you tugged the blanket up further burying yourself into a cocoon of warmth.

your phone chimed illuminating the ceiling and the sound of the “ping” echoed in the darkness of the room. throwing the blanket off you reached for your phone hoping it was him. instead it was Jeongin. you frowned and opened the text, it took a second to load and you felt your stomach clench.

“just thought i owed it to you.” his text followed. you scrolled up to the picture again and pressed to enlarge. yes, it was him. your boyfriend of three years Seungmin with his face nuzzled into the neck of his “friend”.

“where are you!?” you quickly texted Jeongin. the message was delivered and read. after a long minute you texted again. “he said he was going to your place and you were both going to a friends’ is that the friend!?” the message was delivered and read again. still there was no reply.

“Jeongin!” you texted after a long second, the message was undelivered. you felt your body go numb. the screen of your phone went black leaving you in complete darkness. You stared into the darkness at the ceiling, your thoughts racing. Reaching over to the lamp you clicked it on and swung your feet off the side of the bed.

You walked over to the main switch and turned it on illuminating the whole room. you couldn’t possibly sleep now. slowly you paced the room, your thumbnail tucked between your teeth as you tried to figure out your next move. you walked over to your phone and pulled up Seungmin’s number. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard as you thought of a text to send.

It could be full of venom, the scorned girlfriend with rants of “you cheater” or “it’s over”. or you could go the oblivious girlfriend who is still patiently waiting for her boyfriend to come home to her with texts of “when are you coming home?”. Instead you put your phone facedown on the bed and walked to the closet.

Your first initial thought was “start packing, don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry” slowly you began to pull items from the top shelves of closet. Empty boxes mostly, all in high places that only Seungmin could reach. you bit your lower lip and spotted the exact box you were looking for. it was a vintage Godiva chocolate tin. A gift from your grandmother that she filled with love letters and small tokens of love that were given to her by your grandpa or were collected over the many happy years they spent together.

As you knocked it off the shelf you could hear the contents shuffle inside. You sat on the floor of the closet and lifted the lid. The letters and trinkets were now replaced with those of yours and Seungmin’s. Three years all placed delicately in the box that was once filled with fifty plus years of love.

Your fingertips grazed the contents as you shifted the items finally spotting the one that felt like it was calling you. A simple lined paper that was ripped out of a notebook. Slowly you pulled apart the folds, the paper was thin from the many times you unfolded and refolded the paper over and over again, three years of unfolding and refolding.

Your eyes skimmed the words, you could recite this entire letter word by word. It was the very first love letter Seungmin ever wrote to you. He was working hard on a new album with his group and had to stay at the dorms more than he would like. It was the beginning of your relationship, and he couldn’t leave you alone for a minute. His fear that you would grow tiresome of his job and move on had him writing to you every moment of free time he could spare.

Your eyes skimmed until you found the sentence you were looking for… “I'm pretty sure I found my forever in you… I just confirmed it with I.N, you’re the only girl I want in my life. forever.” a salty tear drop fell on the paper soaking into the ink and distorting the word that hit you most “forever”. you sniffled and closed the paper you couldn’t stomach anymore.

You quickly folded the paper back up and placed it back into the tin, as you reached for another one you could hear the key scrapping against the metal of the deadlock. Seungmin stumbled in and slurred something, he was drunk. You quickly tossed the boxes back up on the shelf along with the tin and hurried out of the closet. You could hear him stumbling in the kitchen looking for the fridge. You turned off the lights and hurried under the covers.

As you steadied your breath Seungmin entered the room. He was cursing swears under his breath. He unzipped his pants and yanked them down to a pool around his ankles. He nearly tripped over the thick fabric pile as he stepped out. You could hear him fumble around fighting for freedom from his jeans until he was laying in the bed in nothing but his boxers, and hoodie.

“babe?” Seungmin slurred a pet name for you which you never heard ever, since the three years you been together. You shift your shoulders giving the false appearance that he is disturbing your slumber. “I missed you so much” he sighed as he wrapped his arms around your body. You could feel his lips nuzzle into your neck. He pressed a sloppy kiss against the nape, giving the feeling of more of a snake bite than a loving kiss, because you knew his lips were on another’s neck merely an hour ago. You could smell the alcohol that radiated off his breath and skin as he snuggled closer to you.

“babe, you should come with us next time” he yawned. “I missed you too much.” You shifted your shoulders again only for him to pull you closer to his chest. His cheek pressed softly against your ear. “I love you.” he slurred before falling into a deep alcohol induced slumber.

The next morning you left some water and electrolyte water enhancer by his bedstand. You cooked him a simple breakfast of bacon, of course a lot of eggs, and some toast. You placed down some aspirin on the counter knowing he was going to need it after he ate his breakfast. Seungmin entered the kitchen, his lips wrapped around the rim of the glass of water you left for him. “what did you cook?” he asked almost coldly. “hangover special” you teased. Seungmin looked at the time and nearly choked on his water. “is that time right?!” he pointed to the clock on the stove. “yeah.” you replied. “you couldn’t wake me up earlier? I need to be at the JYPE building in five minutes! We’re supposed to go live to promote our comeback.” he hurried to the bedroom.

You listened to him stumble around and cursing up a storm. He finally emerged from the room and slammed what was left of his water before grabbing the aspirin. “you aren’t going to eat?” you asked and pointed to his already made plate. “does it look like I have time to eat?” he snapped back and hurried out the door.

You looked at the plate and felt a rage consume your insides. You grabbed the plate and tossed it into the trash can with enough force that it cracked the entire ceramic disk into three big chunks on impact. “I bet he doesn’t talk to his friend like this.” you scoffed as you started to clean up the kitchen before leaving to your part-time job.

It was hard enough focusing on work, the picture I.N sent you was seared into your brain. Even when you closed your eyes to take deep breaths you could see it. You could only recall all the times he would hurry out of the apartment whenever his phone chimed, was he going to see her?. What about whenever you asked if you could tag along with him on his nights out and he would say you wouldn’t like it, was it because he wanted to be alone with her? Thinking about it too much made you nauseous, finally it was time to clock out.

You arrived back at the apartment. Seungmin wasn’t back yet, you walked into the kitchen and began to pull items from the fridge and pantry to get dinner started. At least in the kitchen you could take out your aggression on the ingredients and not on Seungmin or his friend. You were chopping the veggies up when you heard Seungmin come back. He looked exhausted, and mostly in agony probably regretting having so much to drink last night.

“hey, how was the live?” you asked as you checked the meat in the oven. “i missed it.” he sighed. “and I got my ass chewed out for that.” he added. “well, maybe dinner will make you feel better, I’m making your favorite.” you smiled. “i don’t like oven baked chicken.” he scrunched his nose before leaving to the room after seeing a message appear on his phone. You could feel that same rage boiling up again, but you ignored it, excusing his attitude since he was having a bad day.

Seungmin returned to the kitchen moments later in a new outfit. He started to search the kitchen cabinets and slamming them, making you irritated by his carelessness. “did you pick up any banana kicks?” he frowned looking in the cabinet. “they didn’t have any at the store, but I did get some turtle chips.” you pointed to the bag. “yeah because those are the exact same thing.” he rolled his eyes before slamming the cabinet again. You bit your tongue, you wanted to blurt out “well I bet your friend has all your favorite snacks stocked up right?” but instead you continued to chop up the veggies for the salad.

“as usual there is nothing here.” Seungmin gripped as he walked past you while typing on his phone. You put the knife down on the countertop and exhaled a deep breath. You went to the sink and started to rinse the stalk of broccoli. As you looked up at your reflection on the window you couldn’t help but transport back to when you and Seungmin first moved into the apartment. Well, you were living there a month before him but he insisted moving in with you because he couldn’t stand being away from you for too long. You remembered how he helped you cook your first ever meal in the house while living together. You could feel him standing behind you, his arms wrapped around your body as he pressed kisses on your exposed skin. You could almost hear the laughter that filled the atmosphere as he poured you both large glasses of wine to enjoy while you both waited for your masterpiece to finish cooking.

“when’s dinner going to be ready?” Seungmin reentered the kitchen pulling you out of your memory. “in another 20 minutes or so.” you replied as you turned off the sink and went back to your place by the cutting board. “a pizza will be here in that same amount of time and it will be ready to eat.” he commented as he shoved his phone in his pocket. That was the final straw for you, the Seungmin in your memory, in the tin box upstairs was long gone, and the cause? Was likely he was out of love with you and in love with someone new.

“hey, babe. Can you give me that bowl of broccoli in the sink, I was just washing them.” you looked up at Seungmin as you chopped into the veggies on the cutting board. “Babe?” Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows. “yeah, babe.” you forced and icy smile. “don’t you like that name?” you forced a chop making a loud tap against the wooden board. “no.” Seungmin replied coldly as he put the bowl of broccoli in front of you.

The silence was as thick as the air in the kitchen as Seungmin found a place on the other side of the island parallel to you. He picked at the bowl of fruit trying to find one that he wanted to snack on while you cooked dinner. “babe.” you bit the tip of your tongue trying to stifle your chuckle. You grabbed one stalk of broccoli and chopped into the vegetable. “can I ask you a question.” you began to force your chops once again. “what?” Seungmin sighed dropping the fruit in his hand back into the bowl.

“are you-” you gulped trying to find the courage you had a minute ago when you were calling him the nickname he clearly hated. Seungmin raised his eyebrows waiting for you to spit out your question. “are you fucking your friend?” you asked and looked up at him with a stone face.

“what??” Seungmin’s face twisted with confusion. “are you deaf suddenly?” you stabbed the tip of the knife into the wooden board. Seungmin was speechless, or scared either way he knew he was caught. “are you fucking your friend?” you asked again this time asking more slowly. You pulled the knife from the board and set it down on the countertop. You could feel your anger boiling in your stomach, like a bottle of soda filled with mentos. You held it down best you could, because you wanted an explanation before blowing up.

Seungmin was quiet, he approached the counter cautiously and leaned against the edge. Seungmin stared blankly at the marble countertop, his palms resting on the cool surface. “Well?” Your lower lip trembled. Seungmin sighed as he dropped his head, a hot breath exhaled from his closed lips as he cleared his throat to finally speak. “I fucking hate these countertops” he mumbled quietly.

“That’s it!?” You finally felt the anger escape the bottle in your stomach. “The fucking counter tops!?” Seungmin watched the cutting board of chopped veggies fly across the counter until it hit the wall. You made your way around the island and stood on your toes in front of him.

“Who cares about the fucking counter tops!” You shoved Seungmin with whatever strength you had, not even moving him an inch. “Are you or are you not sleeping with your friend!?” You pushed him again. Seungmin looked away avoiding eye contact with you. He shook his head back and forth before taking a deep breath. “I never slept with her, but I have thought about it” he replied honestly and that hurt more than him actually doing it. “But we made out a few times” he looked at you, his eyes empty and heartless.

“Made out? What are you guys middle school kids!?” You felt the tears drizzling down your face and gathering in pools under your chin. Seungmin turned away, refusing to see your tears, knowing damn well that he couldn’t threaten whoever caused them because he was the reason. Seungmin retreated to your shared bedroom, but you followed closely.

“don’t worry about her y/n” you exclaimed as you followed him. “you’re the only girl for me.” you continued until you were both in the room. “does that sound familiar?” your voice trembled. “just drop it okay?!” Seungmin snapped back. “i won’t see any of my friends anymore if that’s what you want!” “you would like that wouldn’t you? Just me and you no one else, just isolated but hey as long as you’re happy and not insecure right?!” Seungmin’s words dripped with venom.

“you are an asshole Kim Seungmin.” you sniffled and wiped away the tears that were falling down your face. “and you and your friend can both go to hell.” you spat before turning away and heading straight to the share dresser. “ladies and gentlemen we have reached the climax, where y/n packs her stuff and leaves.” Seungmin shouted to an invisible audience. “you’re not going anywhere.” he challenged. “you’re right.” you replied as you continued to throw items on the floor. You turned to Seungmin and kicked the pile towards his feet. “you’re the one who is going.”

Seungmin looked down at the pile of clothes and identified his shirts, sweats and hoodies. “like hell.” he replied. “i put the money down for this apartment, it’s in my name, and I was the one who picked those counter tops!” you argued back. “now get the fuck out.” you walked to the closet and started to toss out his shoes. “and where do you expect me to go?” he started to pick up his things from the floor. “the dorms? Your friend’s? A hotel? To Hell?!, I don’t care.” you replied coldly. As you pulled down his duffle bag from the top shelf of the closet you pulled down the boxes you shoved back up there last night.

Everything collapsed down around your feet, you tossed the duffle bag out to him and noticed the lid to the tin popped open, spilling the contents under the empty shoe boxes and hangers from the stuff you ripped off the rod that belonged to Seungmin. You leaned down and picked up some of the paper items before leaving the closet. Seungmin was trying to pick up his items as quickly as you were tossing them out.

“you’re acting crazy y/n” Seungmin grunted as he shoved everything in the duffle bag you threw out to him. “then go be with someone who is sane.” you walked out of the room and into the living room. Seungmin was behind you, the dufflebag spilled out his clothing and shoes he tried to stuff in, in a hurry. You opened the door and pointed outside, the cold air of the night sending a chill down your spine. “get out.” you instructed. “you’re only going to call me in an hour after you cool off.” he raised an eyebrow. “fat chance.” you argued back. “get out!” you shouted again this time earning a look from the neighbor who was barely coming home.

Seungmin put his shoes on and walked out the door. “you’re making a mistake y/n” he turned to face you again. “i don’t think so.” you pulled the papers in your hand up so he can see them. You ripped them down the middle before shoving them against his chest and slamming the door shut. Seungmin looked at the papers you just shoved into him and watched them fall to his feet.

He was about to turn away and just leave it for you to clean up. Until he saw the one that unfolded upon being shoved into him. “you’re Green Tea Bon Deliceaux everyday of the week, and I can’t get enough of you-” the partially ripped paper read. Seungmin dropped his duffle and started to pick up the pieces of paper, his fingers swiped through the pile before finding the other half. “-you’re my favorite person, the only girl for me and I know it’s early to say but I love you.”

Seungmin felt the dry lump in his throat realizing that the papers that were ripped by his feet and tossed out like trash were some of the letters he wrote to you every night while he was away from you on tour, on mandatory dorm overnights, or while he was having long days at the company building and just missed you. Seungmin gathered the papers and shoved them into the duffle bag, he stepped forward, his fingers balled into a fist hovering over the door. He wanted to knock, he wanted to knock until you grew tired of his knocking and answered. When you answered he wanted to wrap you in his arms and hold you tight enough and plead and beg for your forgiveness, he wanted to recite every letter for you over and over because he could remember each one from heart.

Instead he stood frozen, he slowly lowered his fist and wrapped his hand around the strap of his bag before turning away and leaving down the stairs. Little to his knowing you were leaning against the door, holding your breath counting in your head the seconds it would take him to knock the door. After hitting fifty, you slowly opened the door and looked outside, he was gone, leaving no trace of his presence.

You closed the door and brought the back of your hand to your nose as you sniffled and choked out a sob. You could feel the tears watering down your face, he was right you felt like you made the biggest mistake, you couldn’t help but feel like you just hand delivered him gifted wrapped nicely to his friend. Yet, it wasn't all your fault completely, he was the one being reckless.

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