aerixlee

[aerixlee]

another atla rewatching note: mai and zuko are the funniest motherfuckers alive that “i hate you” scene? unparalleled. ask someone what an emo-goth relationship looks like and it’s just them

#atla #maiko #ur honor im still obsessed with them

[aerixlee]

rewatching atla and i will forever be obsessed with aang preparing for the big bad final battle like it’s a final that he hasn’t studied enough for

#atla #just checked and realized it's been 2 years on the DOT since i last posted help

[aerixlee]

Hi, I love After Sunset and have reread it multiple times lol. I wanted to ask if you had any particular method to writing Azula for the fic? I usually don't like the more off the rails depictions of her in fiction but something about the way you write her is viscerally enjoyable to me.

*shows up 3 months later with no hesitation bc getting this ask made me vibrate out of existence with excitement* hello :)

the timing for this ask couldn't have been any better - it genuinely made me so unbelievably happy to read? this exact topic is one of the main things i was (am?) worried about in after sunset, specifically that i wasn't doing it right. i've been nervous since the very beginning that i was writing azula in ways that was difficult to read but fuck this is such a fantastic question and i'm so excited to answer it - this is going to be.... a really really long answer. i definitely got a little (a lot) carried away. sorry in advance lmao

(also it never fails to make me emotional when i hear that people are still rereading) (i might've cried a lil) (just a bit) (i can't believe people haven't forgotten about this fic) (to everyone who has stuck around: i love you more than anything)

for context, i put like..... a lot of thought into how i was going to go about writing azula. like i have pages and pages of notes analyzing her so i could write her character properly and do her justice - i still think i could've done a better job, but it was important to me that i at least do my best. my main thing when i was writing azula was keeping in mind that she is a 14 year old, a child, one who has been the victim of an extreme amount of abuse and emotional manipulation. i posted a response to a comment under chapter 15 back in january that asked for writing advice regarding azula that i think sums up my thoughts fairly well if you want to take a look at it. azula is a traumatized teenager first and foremost; she's not going to accept help easily or trust anyone easily, and i planned her arc out in a way that has multiple ups and downs. it really does get worse before it gets better, and if i end up writing more for this fic, i can promise that the worst has yet to come. we're nowhere near the height of azula's arc yet, and i don't even mean that in a dramatic breakdown sort of way. this has been part 234978 of me wishing that i could skip ahead in my own fic so i could post the scenes that were written months before we even reached the search......... kill me

and i said this in my comment: progress isn't possible unless the person who needs to heal is willing to heal. force doesn't work, coercion doesn't work - it has to be a decision that the person in question makes in order for them to actually take steps forward. healing isn't linear. neither is progress. that's the most important thing to keep in mind.

azula's breakdowns were definitely the most emotionally taxing parts about writing her. i personally tend to avoid reading fics that show azula's breakdowns to the extent that i wrote them for some reason? and i was very hesitant to write it myself, so i was really really careful in how i approached it. i didn't want to take things too far, but i also knew that i had to push the boundaries of what i tackled a lot more than i already was. i needed to show how bad she was getting, not just tell it, and i needed to justify the reason behind each moment of her behavior. not sure if i did it right, but i tried.

(as a side note, i wrote a lot of this fic during a time in which things were uhhhh not so great mentally for me, so azula and zuko are written in a way that is very very close to my heart. that could also have something to do with the way scenes are written, so i thought it was worth mentioning.)

azula is an incredibly calculated individual. her breakdowns, by contrast, show her doing things out of pure instinct, doing what she "wants" to do rather than what she's put a lot of thought into doing. and that fascinated me to no end when i was reading the comics; i thought the authors' approach was really interesting despite some of the less favorable aspects of her portrayal. in other words: catharsis!!!!! i wrote those scenes to be cathartic to azula specifically!!!!! not for the reader, not for me as the writer: for azula, the character, and what that meant for her in the scene and the moment - especially within a larger context. and it was so so so fucking emotionally draining to write, but that's what it was. i did my best to ramp up the emotional intensity to the max, and i also tried to make sure that every single thing that azula said or did had that element of reasoning behind it. because yeah, she's not thinking everything through like she would if she wasn't in full breakdown mode, but she's still azula. and azula doesn't do anything without reason, even if those reasons are superficial and weird and vaguely questionable. i tried to make sure that nothing azula did or said was without motive, and i'm not quite sure if i managed to pull it off, but hey, that was my goal.

hopefully all of that makes sense? i'm not quite sure if it does or not but i could genuinely talk about this fic for hours. i might be writing other things now, and i might be mortified by the absolutely horrible writing of the earlier chapters, but i will still talk forever about literally anything with this fic. that's a threat and a promise.

i reread some comments and looked through my inbox bc of this ask and now i'm emotional lmao wow i miss this fic and you all sm. also specifically to anon: i hope this answered your question! and if you wanted clarification on anything, feel free to shoot me another ask - i know a few things here are probably a little confusing lmao i was rambling a lot out of excitement. and thank you again for the ask!!

anyways. love yall <3

#you all probably: what the fuck is this #me: emotions #after sunset (the sun always rises) #atla

[aerixlee]

i owe literally everything to after sunset goodbye i realize this more and more with each passing day and miss writing it with every second

#wanting to go back and continue writing it but having zero motivation / actively dreading opening the doc #what a wonderful combination #in other news i realized i never mentioned i have a twitter now #it's basically all vld but feel free to hmu there if you want #same username

[aerixlee]

2/2 chapters || T || maiko || modern au

“Can we—” Zuko breaks off, swallowing. “Can we go somewhere?”

“Sure,” says Mai. “Where?”

“Anywhere.”

or: Mai and Zuko go on a road trip.

#maiko #atla #ao3 #part two babyyy!!!! #last chapter!!!!

[aerixlee]

perhaps.... chapter 2 of reverberations today?

#it's been a week #it is time

[aerixlee]

hi i’m reading comments on reverberations and feeling dumb emotions bc i missed you all so much

i’ll respond to them all eventually but rn i’m just smiling like a dumbass

#i'm a coward who can't put their emotions into words properly #let alone respond to comments in a reasonably coherent manner beyond <3 and thank yous #but i love u guys #OH ALSO #chapter 2 up tomorrow!!!!!!

[aerixlee]

1/2 chapters || T || maiko || modern au

“Can we—” Zuko breaks off, swallowing. “Can we go somewhere?”

“Sure,” says Mai. “Where?”

“Anywhere.”

or: Mai and Zuko go on a road trip.

#maiko #atla #ao3 #yes yes yes let's gO

[aerixlee]

given that i have approximately zero self control, something that we all already knew but never fails to surprise me, expect chapter one of the maiko roadtrip au today !! :D

there will be two chapters, and it’s already completed, so don’t worry about me pulling an indefinite break on this one LMAO </3

#me ending my ao3 atla silence with this piece is potentially the most iconic thing i will ever do #*disappears for a month* hey lol here's some dumb pining maiko #maiko #atla

[aerixlee]

after... two months? i finally went back and finished the maiko road trip au!! woooo!! currently sitting at 14k words, so i'm not sure if i'm going to split it into two chapters or not. we'll see.

it's so soft. it's just-- it's so ridiculously soft. i can't wait to post it. you aren't even ready.

#yes im pushing my little spoon zuko agenda again #that was not just limited to after sunset #expect that in every atla fic i write #maiko #atla

[aerixlee]

announcement on after sunset!!

so this is... late? like, really really really overdue. and i’ve been honestly dreading posting this, but it’s taken a toll on my mental health on top of everything else, so i’m just going to bite the bullet and do it.

(also i forgot my tumblr password, so i do technically have an excuse for not posting this sooner. but that’s not the point. i’m getting off track already)

to preface: i am NOT abandoning after sunset!!!! i still have a lot planned, and i don’t currently have intentions of leaving it forever unfinished, which is why i will not be marking it as complete.

however, i will be taking an indefinite break from it out of the interest of my own mental well being. though i love the story and i really do want to keep writing, it’s also become impossible to ignore the effects that it’s had on my mental well-being. the pressure to keep up with updating and making each chapter better than the last has... honestly taken some of the fun out of it, and it’s made me enjoy the atla fandom a little less as a whole. i tried to push through for a little, but i don’t think that it’s working. like, at all.

i probably didn’t need to write a whole mini essay on this, but i’m a dramatic person, and i really do feel like i owe you all an explanation. i saw we got to over 10k hits and it-- like holy shit dude that’s insane? it sucks, because that would’ve been just mind-blowingly incredible to me a while ago, but now it’s just making me feel like shit. i’m so incredibly grateful for all of your support, and i’m really sorry if i’m disappointing any of you or letting you down. which i’m sure i am. hopefully, when i do pick the fic back up again, it’ll be with better writing and the motivation that i had at the beginning!

yeah. this has honestly been a long time coming. i felt super pressured to keep going, and this whole thing has really made me realize that i... have no concept of stopping when i need to stop? and then by that point it’s too late and i’m drowning or something. so this is also me learning how to take a break and learn to prioritize myself for once? pretty sick if i do say so myself. doesn’t change the fact that i still feel shitty about this whole thing, but we’re getting there.

(this isn’t to say that i’m stopping writing as a whole btw; you can absolutely expect more from me, albeit different things - i’m still staying up until 2AM writing absolute garbage that i don’t even know why people read LMAO love u)

again, i’m really sorry for making you all wait like that - i was being dumb and avoiding writing this all out. if you read all of this? holy shit i love you? thank you so much for all of your love - i really don’t know what i did to deserve you all.

#tldr i'm not abandoning after sunset but i'm taking an indefinite break #i really could've just written that and posted it and it would've been fine but there's a reason i kin zuko okay stfu #me using the word kin in 2021 plz im going to end it all #after sunset (the sun always rises)

[aerixlee]

chapter 21 of after sunset (the sun always rises) is finally, finally up right here !! thank you so so much for all of your patience and support while i worked through everything. i’m seriously just. so grateful to you all. it means the world to me.

i hope you enjoy!! lmk what you think <3

#wish i could hug you all individually #will settle for pouring all of my love out into asks you send #atla #ao3 #after sunset (the sun always rises)

[aerixlee]

chapter 21 was supposed to just be plot, but then sokka and zuko wanted to have a Deep and Meaningful conversation, and now it’s decidedly Not Just Plot. this chapter just... doesn’t seem to want to end.

it’ll be up tomorrow, probably? monday at the very latest, but i’m hoping it won’t come to that. i’ve got to finish this scene and do some last minute editing, and then we’ll be good. this week is super busy for me, but i’ll be basically in the clear next week. chapter 22 will be another long wait, but hopefully not as drawn out as this one. thank you all so much for your patience!! you’d better hold me to getting it up tomorrow.

#also recently found out that my fic is longer than the sorcerer's stone #i don't know what i'll do with this knowledge but i'm vaguely disconcerted #after sunset (the sun always rises)

[aerixlee]

I AM. ALMOST DONE. WITH CHAPTER 21. I HAVE ONE SCENE LEFT.

if all goes well, it should be up by this weekend!!

#i'm so sorry for making you all wait so long #it's looking to be the usual 6-7k words though if that makes it better? #after sunset (the sun always rises)

[aerixlee]

just realized that that last post may not have been the best note to leave you all on lmao okay wait - hello, i’m alive, the wait for chapter 21 of after sunset will be a little longer than usual, but i promise that i’m not abandoning it! life has just been kicking my ass lately.

here’s a very mediocre excerpt from the middle of chapter 21 so you know that i’m actually serious about this:

Mother’s reflection is in the creek, distorted by the rushing water. She looks-- the same, she looks the same, and if Azula doesn’t concentrate, it almost looks like she’s looking at herself instead of Mother. Azula turns around quickly, eyeing the area around her suspiciously, but she’s nowhere to be seen.

She’s just in the water, where Azula’s reflection would be.

sorry again about the wait - hopefully it’ll be worth it? i’m like halfway through writing it rn. thank you so much for your patience <3

#i promise i'm not leaving this one unfinished #it's too important to me to abandon #i'm just unmotivated and also stupidly busy #plot as it turns out is actual hell to write #even though i'm using the comics as a skeleton #after sunset (the sun always rises)

[aerixlee]

i’m honestly surprised it took this long for me to finally hit writer’s block with after sunset. but here we are. in hell.

it was a long time coming.

#i fucking hate it here #mental health what's that lmao #currently feeling bad for not writing but also not being able to physically bring myself to write #also i have the weirdest shit in my drafts????? #it goes from serious analyzations i'm too scared to post and then some random thought i had at like 1am

[aerixlee]

me? posting a one shot to motivate myself into doing work because i’m not going to get anything done otherwise? it’s more likely than you think.