zacharielaughingalonewithsalad

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

Trying to complete a task with ADHD

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

tumblr are you telling me something

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

I need you all to watch this fucking ad I just got on TikTok because I’m CRYING

#hey sunflower…… I’m a tiger from the stars #is on repeat in my brain #I lost my special orb #is in there too tbh #TikTok #mechat #video #im cackling

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

which is definitely not an omen

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

did you guys know about this oc stuff. you can just make a guy. big if true

#Alan wake

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

The current state of pop girlies is so funny like

Ariana Grande: getting dragged for homewrecking with the guy who played SpongeBob in the SpongeBob musical

Taylor Swift: dropping her worst album in years about how deeply obsessed she is with Matty Healy

Billie Eilish, for some reason:

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

waking up,

breaking fast,

I soak my shirt

with baja blast

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

😳

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

Remember, if you haven't felt the first edible in 5-10 minutes eat two or three more

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

I have one of those robot vacuums but there's a mirror in the house low enough to the ground that the lidar scanner can see a nonexistent room in the reflection so on the navigation map it's generated I have a room that doesn't exist that I have to forbid the vacuum from entering.

#what kind of house of leaves shit is this robot on

[zacharielaughingalonewithsalad]

Just saw a post about dolls and how kids play with them, and I remembered that my grandpa, who had real bad alzhiemer's, would buy me and my sisters the same dolls from the dollar store every Friday. It had became a routine for him, and he forgot that he'd already gotten us those toys

So that led to us having a shitton of super cheap barbie knock offs, and my parents could only sneakily return so many

We also had a shitty row boat, because my dad has really bad adhd and no impulse control. He also had no idea how to keep a boat, which meant it immediately filled up nearly to the brim with rain water as it sat next to our driveway for seasons unused

So what's a kid to do with dozens of unwanted barbies and what is basically an above ground pond at this point? I'll tell you

What you do is take those dolls and stick them in the boat very carefully. Then you watch as the seasons change, the temperature gets colder, and the water in the boat freezes as winter takes hold.

You never really forget bringing your mom out to the boat in the dead of winter to show off the homemade river Styx her children have crafted in the backyard, a dozen cheaply made plastic monstrosities carefully positioned to reach up to the surface in a frozen agony

Those dolls stayed in their frozen hell until we finally found someone who would buy the boat, like two years later.

Unfortunately, I cannot remember what the guy's reaction was when he actually came to see it and witnessed the art installation inside