youarehurt

[youarehurt]

i spent so long helping others & basically surviving that i never grew up. I never learned how to take care of myself or to have a sense of responsibility because i was too busy crying. i am so fucking unprepared for literally everything & anything. Now, i’m being treated like i should know everything i need to know but i don’t & i don’t know if that makes me the bad guy. heck, i could be blamed for so fucking much that’s wrong in my life due to my lack of literally everything. everything is fucking wrong & i am too exhausted to try to fix it. makes me wonder if everything would be better if i just wasn’t here.

#actuallydepressed #blaming myself for everything #sleep mourns #screaming to the void #growing up #actually mentally ill #actually anxious

[youarehurt]

I know that I should be getting better, I know that it looks like I'm getting better but I'm just ignoring it. I know I won't have a future or a plan and if I die, it'll be soon so I don't care. I'm just obsessing over dumb things so I don't have to face that I'm horrible at everything and the second I look at reality, I cry. I don't know if I'm alone in this or it's just a thing no one really mentions. why the hell would I pay attention to my bad mental, physical health or my life if I could imagine so many other things. I'm just able to survive and if I keep up the delusional or fake reality in my head, I don't want to off myself.

#tw vent #actuallydepressed #actually mentally ill #sleep mourns #i don't want to feel like this anymore #i know its bad #tw sui ideation #tw sucidal ideation #tw sucidal

[youarehurt]

it's hard to accept that I was hurt. It's hard to accept that I am not okay. It's hard to realize that most people remember their childhoods. It's hard to accept that most parents don't call their kids "fucked up". It's hard to realize that most kids didn't have to be held down to get nyquil in them. It's hard to know that I'm not okay.

#actuallydepressed #actually cptsd #actually anxious #what the hell do I tag this #actually mentally ill #this hurts #sleep mourns