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I get some great photos from sunrise at my work parking lot. Do you know why all these shitty locations have the best views while nature views suck ass?

Well. One reason.

Because in town there's open space, flat framing, juxtaposition, light pollution, air pollution, and urban planning. What are parking lots? Empty space. Nothing grows there. You can see more sky.

I don't get as good of pictures at home because there are trees in the way.

Why do we have ugly cities? So we can see the beauty of the dying sky.

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Physical Trauma and Shock in Writing

Something that I think is interesting is the dichotomy of Story vs. Realism. The idea is, when you're writing with the assumption that your humanoid characters have the same basic anatomy and physiology of real-world humans, you have kind of a slider with regards to how that works out in your narrative. When writing ordinarily, much like in real life, you don't have to deal with the more technical aspects of body beyond what serves character development — most people are not terribly concerned about how long it takes to digest food, for instance, but if you make a character with gastrointestinal issues who is preoccupied with that, it might be helpful to keep a food log yourself and track how long that might take, and note what points that would be important.

Something that might happen more often in writing than in real life, however, is Physical Trauma. Maybe a character gets in a fight, and is grievously injured. Maybe they get shot. How you deal with scenes like this is going to depend on where your slider is. Maybe you have it all the way over in Story, and your character shrugs off bullets like raindrops. Maybe you have it all the way over in Realism, and your character takes one bullet graze and is constantly in excruciating pain. Maybe your slider is different for different characters (don't do this much; one of the most helpful pieces of writing advice I have been given is to be consistent — if readers smell an inconsistency, you better have a really good reason).

I recently wrote a scene that involved a character getting stabbed. Because of world-physics and reasons, I decided to put the slider fairly close to realism and, since I wanted my information to be factual and I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL I had to do some research. This is what I found.

First off, let's talk physiology. Physiology differs from anatomy in that it is more concerned with a conceptual, molecular explanation for how the body works. Think "The crystal structure of this type of steel" rather than "Sword shape"; it all still relates, but in different applications. Physiologically, any body wants to remain in a neutral state (for more information about this, check out Hank Green's Crash Course Series of YouTube Videos. I highly endorse, even though I do not particularly like Hank Green) known as Homeostasis (etymologically, this word means "Same State"). Homeostasis encompasses a wide variety of factors, including, but not limited to, Hydration levels, Saturation levels in your body's various fluids, and Temperature. Your body is constantly adjusting in response to changes and stressors, in order to maintain the optimal levels of everything for peak performance.

Now, because of The Fall, the body does not always react appropriately to stressors. For instance, when you are allergic to something, your body reacts as though the allergen is a pathogen, and may do so to the extent that you die. Sometimes your body is deficient in something, and is unable to return to homeostasis (like if you're diabetic and your pancreas is broken). Sometimes you don't have enough blood, and you enter a medical condition known as —

Shock

Often when we talk about shock, we're not referring to the medical term. If someone saw something "shocking" they might be "in shock" in the sense that they need another jolt in order to get their act together. That is not the same thing.

Let's shift to Anatomy for a second. You have nerves. A lot of them. Some pretty long ones. There are a lot of divisions and subdivisions, but the two main ones we need to talk about right now are Sympathetic and Parasympathetic nervous pathways. Again, check out the videos on these two systems. Simply put, the Parasympathetic Nervous System is in charge of general maintenance and growth, while the Sympathetic Nervous System engages when your body perceives it is in danger.

The PNS, as it is referred to because I don't want to write that out every time, is in charge of "Rest and Digest" which, as that implies, means it is primarily responsible for sending resources (blood) to your visceral organs in order to facilitate the accumulation of nutrients and general upkeep and chronic repairs.

The SNS, on the other hand, is in charge of "Fight or Flight", and sends resources (blood) to Brain, Heart, and Muscles so you can deal with acute trauma.

Now, if you see something crazy, or you hear something shocking, your SNS will most likely kick in, and your heart rate will skyrocket, your pupils will dilate, you'll hear the soundtrack from Doom playing in your head, etc.

What happens with shock, however, is that your body enters this state, as it were, half-cocked.

(If you were a diesel engine enthusiast, I believe this would be referred to as runaway. Except your body doesn't typically explode when it gets too hyper.)

(Usually.)

In any case, if you get stabbed, what are you supposed to do? Leave the knife in there (or whatever) as best as you can. Blood is your body's best method of transporting oxygen, and it just so happens to also transport platelets that facilitate clotting. Removing the knife is like removing a cork, and the less blood your body has, the less able you are to function properly.

You start going into hypovolemic shock (hypo=less, vol=volume, emic=presence of blood. Hypovolemic=less volume of blood) when you lose around 15-30% of your total blood volume. Shock is typically characterized by shivering, palor, clammy skin, weakness/fatigue, and rapid heart rate.

Shock treatment is different for different ailments. If it's heat-related shock, chances are you don't want to keep someone warmer. Loosen tight clothing to increase circulation. Elevate feet to encourage upper-body circulation. Don't move someone if not necessary. Call EMS and get help as soon as possible.

(They used to say not to let people go to sleep. They don't say that anymore; it really barely matters.)

One thing they do say, which I found initially perplexing, was that you should not give someone in shock food or liquids.

Which I thought was strange. Maybe you can see why from what I've already talked about. I'll walk you through my thought process.

Shock results from lack of blood volume/dehydration. Giving someone water might be good for fluid replacement. High-sugar foods could help raise blood sugars.

Everywhere I looked said, "Well, they could choke, or aspirate the water (and get fluid in their lungs and maybe get a bacterial infection)" to which I thought, "Well, if I'm really careful, and the person in shock was really lucid, I could probably get some food down with no issues. Maybe if it's mushed up or something."

Do you know the Number One reason why you don't feed someone in shock? I'm belaboring this point because even if you don't trust your abilities, or your gut, your gut may really mess you up here.

It's an Anatomy and Physiology issue. Blood Loss and your Sympathetic Nervous System. While in shock, your body does not digest food or fluids because your PNS is not engaged. While in [hypovolemic] shock, you have less blood available for your body to use. If you eat or drink while in shock, you put more unnecessary stress on your already super-stressed body, and demand more resources that aren't there, thus taking away the limited resources your body needs to keep itself alive.

And you might choke and die from eating a candy bar.

And you might get a bacterial infection, malinger and die from drinking some soda. Fun fact: the PNS (you know, the one that is not engaged) is responsible for fighting off infections, so any infections you accrue are going to have Compounding Interest by the time your body gets around to dealing with them — great for your bank account, horrible for your lungs.

I just wanted to really hammer that home. I have a highly competitive nature (hidden under the surface a bit), and telling me there's a mechanical solution to a problem engages that competitive side massively. If it isn't something I could possibly fix, I can focus on other things, like actually helping someone in shock instead of increasing their likelihood of dying.

If nothing else, you can look at it like a priority list. First you put your certainties, then your less-certainties, then your peripherals.

You will definitely slow your entire system down if you ingest food or imbibe water.

You might choke on large chunks of food.

You might aspirate water into your lungs and get pneumonia.

You could possibly screw up diagnostics when EMTs arrive.

Anyway. That has always bothered me. I'm a curious person, and I also consider myself fairly learned and careful. I don't think I'm the only one.

Oh yeah, usually EMTs won't just give people a saline drip, either. I always thought the blood volume was the biggest thing, but no. If you're trying to bring up volume, you start a blood transfusion (whole blood if available). Saline dilutes the blood and lessens clotting factors.

Anyway.

There's some of my research for you.

Again, I am not a medical professional. Do your own additional research. Get CPR certified.

#writing #cpr #First response #story writing #anatomy #physiology #infp personality

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Like in Transistor! Only not!

Motherboard Sword

#a sword that connects to the internet would be a Network Interface Sword. #A Motherboard Sword would allow all the internal component parts to communicate #Maybe it works like a Soul Sword #You slash or stab someone and their cognitive functioning all transfers to the sword #So really basically Transistor.

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Better yet, unless the employee tells you they need to be personally recognized don't even review the service or the product.

I like to practice my flash fiction skillz, by pretending to write obscure fortune cookie fortunes (complete with lucky numbers from random.org).

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

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That seems like that would be more obnoxious for the boop-er, rather than the boop-ee.

i am so so so sorry but imma boop you 1k

that’s fine go crazy

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AI Art is Not That Bad

You know, I would love to become a bestselling author.

I would love for even tens of people to read my book, and think it's great. Good, even. A Normal Book. Because "normal" pretty much just means, "real".

And I think a lot of people don't understand what art and writing are about. Maybe I don't, either, but I'm going to lay out why I think I do (at least in this particular discussion about AI).

I want to start by drawing your attention to the fact that I'm a straight white Christian male writing on Tumblr. I disagree with probably most people on here about most of their views. I stick around for two reasons: Tumblr always has felt like the UI is most conducive to my workflow, and I like seeing some of the art that's on here.

I'm a firm believer that society's erasure and ostracization of The Arts is incredibly short-sighted, and our elevation of the STEM fields is practically shameful. I like to wander the halls from time to time without seeing a multitude of comments expressing negativity toward The Arts.

The thing is, this sort of Profit-first mindset is infectious.

That's usually at the heart of STEM versus A; this idea that the only things worth doing are things that will bring you recognition and support you monetarily.

As a side note: As a husband, and a father of two small children, I cannot emphasize enough that there is a definite need for me to support my family financially; my wife presently is a full-time homemaker, and, regardless of who is working [for money], someone needs to. No one is disputing here that Having Money is Important.

To lead back into STEM versus A, however, there is a certain toxic mindset that if your chosen pursuits don't support you/your family, then:

You shouldn't have a family. This is primarily the sort of "A man builds a house, and then invites his wife to come live with him." as though everyone can afford a house, and as though you need to have all your shit together prior to even courting/dating someone.

You shouldn't pursue your passions. This is often bundled with the idea that you shouldn't have a family, as expressed in the sentiment, "Don't marry that guy; he's only an artist [and not a very good one at that]."

And let's be real here; any art worth making is going to take time, and time spent on art is often time spent away from other pursuits. I have a unique position as a night shift guard in that I can write during work hours (or pretty much anything, so long as I can lug it in and it isn't disruptive to my actual paid work). This is kind of a double-edged sword, because I'm not working on my story right now; I'm writing an angry post about AI.

Now, you may be asking at this point why and how this relates to AI. I haven't really addressed it much, except to remind you at odd points that this somehow does relate.

The only reason you care about AI is that you're afraid that it's going to decrease your profits.

You have lost sight of what art is, and why you do it.

You've convinced yourself that people need to pay you for your art, and, since you spent a long time on it, pay you a lot.

You think that your art is yours, and you can dictate how other people use it.

You've convinced yourself that people that make AI art and writing are stealing, and that makes them lesser people than you.

You think that writing a prompt into ChatGPT doesn't make you an artist, or a writer; it makes you a thief.

Why do you paint?

Why do you draw?

Why do you write?

Why do you sculpt?

Would you paint, draw, write, or sculpt if no one ever told you they liked it, or paid you for it?

Hi. I write stories. I got one published, and maybe sometime I will turn a profit. I'm working on a book.

When I finish my book, I am going to copyright it, print several copies of it, and put several of them in Little Free Libraries. That's the plan, anyway. It will probably, all told, cost around $3000. Maybe I'll get that back, maybe not.

Maybe eventually I will find a job where I can write. Maybe I'll get stuck in a job where I have to skulk around with my keyboard and write in the back shadows like the muddy little goblin I am.

I write because I enjoy it, but I also write because I have to. I could just...not write, but part of me would start dying.

So really, I don't give a flying fuck if AI is stealing my writing. It's so peripheral. Why do you care?

If you're concerned that your art is being stolen and repackaged, then get better.

A couple years ago, you were whining because customers didn't want to buy your overpriced bullshit.

Now you're whining because those same customers went somewhere and got what they wanted without you.

If it took you "fucking hours" to make, maybe you need to Streamline Your Operation instead of charging obscene prices for a pretty little paperweight.

You can't just ignore market trends if you're putting your art up for sale on the market. Basic economics tells us that lower prices moves inventory faster, and generates more net income. Basic factory efficiency studies tell us that certain streamlining techniques make more products faster.

Should you do that with oil painting? I dunno, maybe? You're the painter; you figure out what works and what doesn't.

If you're charging money for your art, why aren't you getting the most money you can for the least amount of work? No, seriously. That's not a bad thing. That's EFFICIENCY, and it doesn't mean your art has to suffer.

Let me say that another way:

If you are selling your art, it is a product. If you can afford to spend hours and hours on your art, you can afford to either spend several hours figuring out how to make your art more efficiently, or hire a consultant to work with you to streamline your workspace. Streamlining production simply means taking out impediments to your work.

Typically, removing impediments lessens the time and effort needed to produce the same thing. Not a lesser thing, the same thing.

Look.

The point is, if you're going to call yourself a professional, act like one.

If (and that's a big "IF" when it comes to AI) you are met with opposition, and you sit down and cry like a baby every time, you don't get to call yourself a professional.

A professional knows their craft well enough that, when push comes to shove, they know where they need to be mutable, and where they need to stand their ground.

A professional accepts criticisms from potential customers graciously, and incorporates that into their future work.

A professional looks at trends, analyzes what is causing those trends, and makes adjustments to their business model accordingly if necessary.

A professional does not engage in fearmongering.

A professional does not engage in hate speech.

A professional does not engage in backbiting.

A professional does not produce garbage.

I am, frankly, ashamed to call myself a writer, or an artist, because of some of the insane, asinine things my fellow artists and writers have said with regards to AI.

Beep, boop, I am a bot. This action was performed automatically. I am a meat machine masquerading as a goblin pretending to be a man. This message was generated with the help of some AI chat service (I'm too lazy to look one up, and definitely didn't use AI to write this). If you write gibberish to try to confuse AI, you aren't a writer. No, seriously, that's bullshit, it's lazy, and you have better things to do.

#ai generated #writing #not sponsored

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Lofi Window Garden, Part 2

Welcome back! In Part 1, we discussed, mainly, what Lofi Window Garden is, as well as looked at some Negative Aspects of the game as a whole.

With that in mind, there are a couple of things to note.

First: At the time of my first post on this subject, LWG was still in BETA, and only available, if I'm not mistaken, on Android and PC. As of February 29, 2024, this is no longer the case, and they are in 1.0, available through the App Store!

Second: This might be a little trivial, but one of my beeves with game mechanics is the fact that I frequently run out of Suns before I run out of Water Droplets. This is primarily because during Care you always give Suns, but you don't always give Water. Something I didn't notice until recently is that, on the little water meter thingy, each tick represents one water droplet. Not each large tick, each individual tick. I still run out of Suns before Water usually.

I want to also clarify that this is pretty nitpicky, especially for me, because, again, Minigames reset every hour, and you can get probably around 100-150 suns from Sun Catcher each time, especially if you opt to Continue, then Double your profits. My particular situation means I sit on my butt for 8 hours at work, and can just remember to play minigames every hour.

While the Sun:Water ratio is a little annoying, it isn't a hill I'm even remotely interested in dying on.

There's a third Minigame! It's whack-a-mole. Pretty nice. You mostly get money from it, but you can get Water and Sun, so that's pretty cool.

In this post, I plan to address two points: Positives, and Developer Suggestions. Let's get into it, shall we?

Positives

This game features a pretty eclectic mix of songs, and I don't think there are any I don't particularly like. Some are a little more upbeat, some are really down-tempo; some are just weird. The music is by Navi Jude, and it's just great.

By the way, the game is made by Camilla Santiago. I was too lazy to look it up last time. Good job, Camilla.

I feel like I covered a lot of Positives when I was writing about Negatives. I think I'm kind of a negative guy, and it's easier to think critically about something. I've kind of started to notice that more after being married, and my wife pointing out that my compliments are usually focusing on the holes in the shirt, rather than the design on the front.

Anyway. I can totally think of some things to put in Positives.

Overall, I think the game has a pretty good theming. It's pretty chill, and if you subscribe to the Newsletter, they have a normal amount of nice emails. I actually read the emails, which is more than I can say for other game newsletters I get (sorry, Lone Wolf).

This game actually helps me get to sleep sometimes.

This game has some pretty nifty accessibility options.

The plants are pretty cute, and I like that there's the option to have an auto-generated name, or do one yourself. I also like that the plants appreciate in value, so you can sell them back for profit later, then get the exact same plant and go back and raise it back up to MAX. You can self-run a reward system by just buying like ten plants every day and sprinkling them throughout your house, so eventually you get to a point you have plants levelling up every day.

I like the fact that "perfection" is defined simply as not giving too little or too much.

The "level up" animation looks like Pokemon evolving, and that's pretty dang cute.

I really like that you can't buy time in this game. No matter what, you have to wait to advance at certain points. You can't just Spee-D-Gro your plants into MAX level, you can't just fly through all the rooms unlocking them like crazy. You slow down, and wait. It's not a hard game, there's not really an awful lot to do, and that. Is great.

I also like that your plants can die. It feels bad, but, like, I dunno. Plants die. It's sad. It's real. I like having some stakes.

This game is, as far as mobile games go, not particularly exploitative. If I weren't so dang impatient, I could play a whole day without watching a single ad. I wish it were slightly more exploitative, which feels like a decent segue into

Developer Suggestions

I want to be careful here. This game is something I would consider a Work of Art. I'm making some assumptions with these suggestions, and I want to make clear what those are.

Camilla is a reasonable human being, and able to regulate emotions fairly well.

While my suggestions might be considered I do not expect them to be implemented.

Coding is, while perhaps not difficult, not easy either. When I say "suggestions" I mean, quite specifically, that if this is outside the scope of this game's development (with regards to such things as theme, ease of use, intended audience, etc.) I'm not trying to presume, I am simply throwing ideas out there.

Camilla, and Clover-Fi on the whole, has other game ideas in the works, and while some stuff might never apply to LWG, it might apply in future games.

Artists are unreasonable bastards. As an artist myself, and having encountered some truly terrible people with massive entitlement issues, I would hope that someone programming such a chill game as LWG would be a really cool person, but let's be real.

With that out of the way, and with the precursor pin of exploitation hovering above us:

Advertising. I think I found this game suggested on the Google Play Store. Which is really sad. That's not exactly what I want to focus on with advertising, though. There's an exploit I found on Android where you can just tap out of the game window and go to the home screen, then return to the game and the ad "played", and gave you whatever reward. I said I wouldn't tell you, but I lied. This doesn't work on Apple (I tried on my wife's iphone).

It would be nice to be able to choose what ads I do or don't see. I had Fallout Shelter for awhile (or whatever it's called) and they had an option to curate ads somewhat. Still wound up with a bunch of trash, but it's the thought that counts (also they had some of the worst ad integration I've seen on any app — you could be anywhere, try to use an ad-enabled service, and it would tell you your WiFi was out. It was not. You had to restart the app entirely to get it to recognize the signal)

ALSO in the vein of ads: I would pay real money ($5-$10) not to have ads. Look. I get that ads are a decent source of revenue, and practically every app worth its salt has some form of ad integration. I also hate ads with a passion. They ruin the vibe of the game (music cuts off, and the ad is never volume-synced in any way with the game) and, with the exception of all the Native ads I seem to get, I don't usually wind up finding anything I want from ads. I get borderline porn game advertising (which is absolutely not your fault) and, in general, nothing I want to see. Having an option in the shop to go Ad-Free would really be GREAT.

Theme. Here's some suggestions where I think it might be outside of the basic scope of this game, and might mess with the overall theme.

Learning System. In the game, when you Care for a plant, your screen shows you a few different things. One of those things is a notebook, which has the only important information you need for plant care: How much Water — and how often — and how much Sun. I think it would be kind of fun if there were a system for figuring that information out. You already get a Starter Plant to mess up on, and it could be interesting to start with a blank slate, and make notes as you go.

The Quest/Achievement Box. I don't recall this being explained in the intro to the game. It might be fun if it were integrated into the story more. Maybe it is and I forgot!

Resources. I've harped on this a lot, but here we go again. The Sun Jar and the Watering Can are the same size, but the Sun gets used at a grossly disproportionate amount. I don't purchase resources in the shop because it feels a little extra to spend that much for something I could get if I wait an hour or two. What bothers me is that if I have a full Sun Jar and Watering Can when midnight rolls around and the plants are available for being Cared For again, there are also accumulated Suns and Water drops, which I can't get because I have a full Sun Jar and Watering Can. At least one room's worth go to waste because I checked in enough to fill my resources.

Instead of changing the size of the Jar and/or Can, might I suggest you have a system for Overfilling?

What this might look like is simply being able to overfill each receptacle for, like, fifteen minutes while I Care for enough plants that it isn't an issue any more.

What this might look like instead is the option to purchase some kind of Overflow Vessel from the Market for Real Dollars. My Thematic Suggestions are a Glass of Water for the water, and a Star Necklace for the Suns. They only hold like, ten? Fifteen? Twenty? Upgrade for some money with the max being somewhere around fifty? My Price Suggestion would be no more than like $6 each max (for something that could hold 50 Suns or Waters), maybe with a bundle deal of like $8-$10 for both. I think a good middle ground would be a max size of 30, at $3 each, bundled for $5. Suggested Rules are that they provide a strict extra 30. Using Sun or Water pulls from Overflow Receptacles first. One Resource (each) evaporates every two minutes from the Overflow Receptacles, so even if you have max in the Can or Jar, you're most likely going to have an empty Overflow Receptacle at the beginning of the day. Overflow from Minigames also would fill these.

Again, I would pay Real Money for Two Overflow Receptacles. It always feels really bad if I miss the little Suns, from the windows because I usually play the game at night (I work 3rd shift) and I hardly ever get Sun from the normal daytime hours. I know it's not much, but still.

In Summary:

Things I would not like to pay money for: Resources, like Coins, Suns, and Water.

Things I would pay real USD money for: Extra Music Packs (especially if it was also available on Bandcamp) that add more music to the game, Overflow Sun and Water Receptacles, an option to remove ads. My total, if all of these things were offered, would be $10-$20 (music packs could be a great continued revenue, especially if they are cheaply priced). Right now I have paid $0, and plan to pay $0. Nothing in the shop interests me.

The seasonal packs aren't bad, they just don't interest me when I can get them for free, even if I have to suffer through some ads (even without the exploit). The other stuff I suggested, and I cannot emphasize this enough, cannot be obtained for free, which, I sense, is perhaps something you want to avoid.

Let me be clear:

I'm never going to pay for something with real money that I can get for free in a game that prioritizes teaching patience and putting forth a fairly small amount of effort.

I don't make a lot of money. I'm some guy in the middle of nowhere. I write for fun, and I work a $15/hr job to support my family of four. I'm not going to spend money on something I can just wait for and get anyway. I don't think the people playing your game are going to spend a lot on common game resources unless they want to specifically support you monetarily, and just don't know about your ko-fi page (especially when you can just watch an ad to get some more Sun or Water). Maybe I'm the odd one out, here, but those are my thoughts on the subject.

Music. More Music. Please. And make Navi Jude get a Bandcamp page. I'm kidding. But really.

Again. I am not a developer myself, I haven't run any numbers. I'm a dude writing a blog.

Conclusion.

I don't have much else to say. Camilla, if you're reading this, the game rocks. Even if you take none of my advice, it's a great game, and I hope you continue to make more great games.

Toodles!

#Window Garden #plants #not sponsored #app review #game review

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Let's Talk [Dramatic Pause] Deodorant

When I read D. M. Cornish's book, Lamplighter, which is the second book in his Monster Blood Tattoo series, there was a type of concoction highlighted called a "nullodor". This whole series is, like, my dream when it comes to words, as it introduces quite a few, but also highlights that there is an entire side to the English language that one guy in the middle of Australia knows about, and no one else. Did you know that a landaulet is just a coach? Like. A carriage. If you're really into 18th-century modes of transportation, you might know the specifics, and know that's what a lot of early automobiles are based on (in terms of shape), but I have never heard the term. Usually people just call it a coach, or a carriage, depending on what you want to evoke (whimsy, or a different kind of whimsy). The same is true in Lamplighter; it's a landaulet partly because that sounds mysterious, and also because...that's exactly what it is. D. M. Cornish seems fond of using rather clinical language to describe his world, and, as a result, you have to look at it harder to understand that what he's describing is...well, you go read it yourself.

The reason I bring this up, aside from plugging a delightful book series, is that I understand the term "nullodor" after mispronouncing it in my head several times (nulluh-dor, like Matador) when I just realized the man is just mashing together English words. Null. Odor. It didn't help that it worked to literally nullify odor; I'm just not observant the first time around. I say all this to note that I'm bad at spelling "deodorant". I consistently misspell it "deodErant" or "deodErEnt" the first because my head consistently pronounces it that way when I'm trying to spell it out, and the second because the "-ant or -ent" suffix dichotomy is from the devil.

The reason I want to talk about deodorant today is with reference to a couple of different brands I have done business with in the last few years: Native, and Lume. TL;DWTRAF: I don't like Lume.

I'm not entirely sure how this started. Perhaps we wanted more "exotic" scents for our pits. I don't consider myself remarkably considerate of the "natural" skin care products because it is my general philosophy that I use what works, and sometimes my skin is a little finnicky. Often. I have pretty delicate skin.

We started out with Lume, and, I'm going to say it straight up, I am not going to the trouble of hunting down the "e" with a line over the top of it. They always say "loo-MAY" in the ads, but most everything on their website except for the logo is spelled without the line. So, to me, it's "Loom". If you aren't aware, Lume's selling point is that it doesn't just cover up the odor, it gets rid of odor-causing bacteria.

A lot of Lume's advertising is centered, frankly, around the idea that your vagina smells horrible, and that's because there's a huge number of germs in it, and you need to squish a lot of Lume around in there. Let's just appreciate that, while I think some things about their advertising work well, the base messaging is not only incorrect, but also potentially harmful. They may have changed (writing break to check) —

"Apply Anywhere You Want To Control Odor Think pits, underboobs, belly buttons, tummy folds, butt cracks, thigh creases, vulvas, balls, and feet!"

Okay. Nope. Please don't put this on your vulva. Don't put it in your butt crack. Just WASH.

No, seriously. Take regular showers, and clean yourself normally. Hose down. If you just use any old soap, and any old water (that is clean) you should be fine smell-wise. Take it from me; my ass gets sweaty, and sometimes I need to just go use the bidet again. It's okay. I hate it, but you don't need to put something else down there; you just need to ensure that you got all the shit off your ass. Simple as that.

Why shouldn't you put Lume in your vulva? Because it is mildly antibacterial. I'll explain why this is bad in a moment.

First off, Lume is gross. I believe they changed some of their product style, in that it used to be that you had to get it as a cream, and they didn't have what you might expect as a deodorant stick. They put it in a similar-shaped container, and turning the knob to raise the product squishes some cream out the little holes in the top. I was familiar with using cream deodorant, but I don't like it because it gets really gross with armpit hair that sticks to the top and DRIES, and the cream also collects on the top and DRIES so you get a weird scrungly collection of unidentifiable dusty grossness on the thing you're putting on your vulva.

Again. Don't put Lume on your vulva. It feels like they're just trying to appeal to you by acknowledging that your vulva exists. That's not enough.

Also, Lume claims their odor protection lasts 72 hours. That might have been true the first week or two? I don't know if it even lasted a whole day. Lume kind of smells like lemon yoghurt. All of the scents do; it's just an underlying sourish smell. It isn't overall unpleasant, but it eventually becomes what your armpits smell like.

At least with the cream, my pits never felt dry. It's a wet thing, and I sweat, so slippy pits constantly.

So we used Lume for a long time. I want to say me and my wife went through two or three sticks (tubes) each? Like, normal-sized Lume.

At this point, I want to state that I might be speaking out my ass for the remainder of this, and I'm not sure why what happened, happened. I'm not a scientist, just a dude.

The problem with Lume is that it is antibacterial. I may be wrong here, but I believe the main antibacterial agent in it is mandelic acid. When I used this for, like, a year, the odor got way worse over time. I would shower, I would put on Lume, and it wouldn't last very long. My armpits got really itchy, and smelled off, not like normal body odor.

My speculation is that Lume kills off some of the bacteria that is supposed to be in your armpits (and won't be much of an issue if you just wash regularly), and the stuff leftover that doesn't get killed also smells bad. Again, my armpits were really moist with this stuff.

And then we stopped using Lume.

And my armpits stopped itching.

And I didn't have body odor that didn't go away no matter how much antibacterial deodorant I put on it.

Don't put Lume in your buttcrack, or your vulva, or your armpits. You have "good" bacteria that is part of your body's natural biome, and so long as you take care of yourself, and are cleaning your body regularly, you should be fine.

You aren't a stinky, nasty, gross woman. It's supposed to smell like that, and we, as a culture, need to grow up.

My wife and I started using Native awhile back. I don't think I have had any problem with any of their products. We initially did the plastic-free, but it was a little annoying to use. If we didn't have a million other stressors in our lives, I think we could do it, but, as it is, we take the things out we can.

I like that Native pretty consistently has ads that don't suggest that you are broken if you're a woman with a smelly vulva. That's pretty cool. I don't think that should be a metric, but here we are.

#Lume deodorant #not sponsored #deodorant #Native deodorant #skin care #stinky pits #i don't know #I think we were initially like “that's some funky advertising” when we got Lume #adpocalypse #I don't like that I have developed the same mentality toward ads as I did about pornography (“good” ads versus “bad”) #all porn is bad. This post isn't even about porn. What the heck. #Hey #come visit our church! #Sycamore RP in Kokomo

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When I first met my wife, it was winter, and she wore a hat. Since I'm Bad With Faces, and a sneaky goblin man, I looked her up on facebook and was all, "Man, her hair looks weird. Kinda like a wig my mom has. I wonder if she wears a wig? She wears hats all the time."

So it took a little while to ask. I think we were married at that point (which wasn't much later), and I had already realized it wasn't a wig.

She just had dyed green hair for awhile, and when they green left, it looked weird.

not a dream

my grandma, who I live with, asked my mom after I left for work today whether I was wearing a wig

I curled my hair

grandma thought it was a wig

she sees me every day

wig

#wiggy wiggy wooomp

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Lofi Window Garden: Part One

I don't see much about this game, and I play it. It's pretty fun, fairly chill, and not bad overall.

Today, in Part One, I am going to go over what the game is, what it isn't, and a couple of negatives. Next time, I will plan on going over more of positive aspects of the game, some pieces of more explicit advice (explicit as in, like, clear, not NSFW) as well as some suggestions for the developer.

To get this out of the way so I stop myself from saying it every time it comes up, there is some stuff I don't remember about the game because I played it really hardcore for like two or three weeks several months ago, then sold all my plants and left it for several months. I got back into it a couple days ago.

Also, you can play this on PC. I'm playing it on my Motorola smartphone.

What is Lofi Window Garden?

You are a little naked pink person (I don't think you can change color. You only see yourself when changing rooms, on the menu page, and maybe in story elements. Not much), and you just moved into an apartment! Yay! You have a single aloe vera plant to take care of, and around twenty lofi songs to listen to. Oh, yes, and your entire apartment is locked off from you except for the living room. Or the kitchen? I don't remember the order. Either way, throughout the progression of the game, you complete objectives and earn Gold with which you eventually are enabled to purchase additional rooms in your house (through buying Keys from a Marketplace).

Objectives range from such things as "Play x minigames" to, "Sell x things in the market" and other things to encourage you to play the game in, perhaps, different ways than you might start off.

Through completing these objectives, you are not only progressing to have access to your entire apartment, you are also unlocking tiers of items and plants available for you to purchase. You start off with around twenty plants, and at the next tier you get another twenty, and so on.

Plants get more expensive as you go, but you have a few different ways you can earn money.

Tap on flying creatures that flutter around from time to time.

Sell Items

Raise your plants to max level and sell them for a profit

Before I go on to the negatives, and I will also be sure to include something after, I wholeheartedly recommend this game if you have even the inkling you might enjoy it. If you find you don't like it, you can always remove it. I think someone put a lot of work into it, and I think that shows through the most through any negatives.

Negatives

The theme is a little weird. You don't have any reason why you can't access other rooms in your own apartment that you purchased other than they are inexplicably locked. I'm sure someone has had that happen. Each room is more expensive than the last. I get it from a game perspective, but it feels like it could be less contrived.

The game is almost too easy? The only thing holding you back from progressing is built-in time constraints. The only challenge I get when playing is that if I have a lot of plants, it takes like an hour to "Care" for them.

Ads. I think there's a pay option where you can totally remove ads. I can't find it. If they don't have that option, they should integrate it. There aren't many games I would pay for on mobile, but if there was like a $5 option on this game to remove ads, I would totally do that. Unfortunately, all they have is a ko-fi. To be totally fair, I just skip ads using an exploit I accidentally discovered that I'm not going to share with you.

The only real-money options are for in-game resources that you can already get really easily.

Speaking of resources, the main resources in the game are Sun, Water, and Gold Coins. Coins are pretty standard. Sun and water are a little different.

What's frustrating with Sun and Water is that you get a Watering Can, and a Sun Jar, and they both hold the same amount. This amount goes up as you play, but this is a problem for one main reason: You use more Sun than Water. It's plants, so every day, you Care for them by giving them Sun, and sometimes water. You always give them between one and three suns every day, but I want to say most plants don't get watered every day. Some get watered on a weekly basis, some every other day, and not many are every day (you have a little pad that tells you all of the necessary care). You wind up using way more Sun than Water. You don't have a bigger Sun Jar, though.

Another thing that's frustrating about that is that the first time you enter a room that day, there are accumulated little Suns and Waters you can tap on and collect. If you have full containers, you don't get any of that. If you Care for your plants so you have extra room, the little extra resources go away. :(

They have a couple minigames that you can play. In Sun Catcher you have a Sun Jar and you catch Coins and Suns and sundials while avoiding rain clouds and umbrellas and broken pots. In Journey to Oasis, you basically play that Not Connected to Internet game from Chrome, where you hop over obstacles and collect water and coins.

These minigames reset every hour, so replenishing your resources is pretty easy.

It feels especially nitpicky, but I'm not a huge fan of the minigames. They are both games I don't particularly enjoy. I do hope they include others someday.

End of Part One

That's pretty much it.

I want to reiterate, in case it wasn't excruciatingly obvious, I think this game is one of the best totally free mobile games you can get. It is obvious that the people making the game really wanted to make it (when it says it's a "Passion Project" I don't think that's an overstatement). All in all, 5/5.

Really, my biggest complaint is that it isn't harder at all. I'll put this in the next part as a dev suggestion, but I think if they had a learning system, that would be so cool.

Anyway. If anything about this made you even the slightest bit interested, go get this game. Buy them a coffee. Thanks for reading!

#mobile game discourse #not sponsored #lofi #lofi aesthetic #plants #window garden

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Knowledge (GNAW-lidsdj-uh

Did you know the word "chitinous" is pronounced "KYE-tin-us"? I had always just said "CHIT-in" with a soft "tchuh", and thought it made the most sense, because most chitinous creatures evoke a chittering, sort of scraping sound.

Did you also know that cigarettes have plastic filters? And that's one of the main reasons why you shouldn't throw your cigarette butts on the ground? Because they won't biodegrade very quickly? I didn't know this until fairly recently, when I saw a news (?) video about a company that makes teddy bears from

I don't have a lot to say here, I just wanted to point out something for my fellow physical book people, and also address something that the anti-tobacco community has routinely sidelined in favor of dehumanizing nicotine addicts, repeating information that is, by now, redundant, and scare tactics that only really serve to alienate the demographics they claim to be trying to cater to.

#not a smoker #just annoyed that this isn't a bigger consideration in the conversation about smoking and nicotine #normalize being a cool human

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[Citation needed]

Trying to do research for writing is so dumb I’m literally on the Wikipedia page for rabbit

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"Agella." I croak, "You can't be serious." I feel something deep in my bone of bones, a familiar ache that hasn't been satisfied in years. Decades. Since before I was born.

"It's true." she says, softly. "They've been watching us, waiting for us to reach that crucial stage in evolution — that disconnect when our records were destroyed, and we stopped being...intimate with one another."

My mind races, trying to come up with a reason — any reason at all — to explain it. Nothing makes sense. Nothing else makes sense. They played us for fools, and why wouldn't they? We had something they wanted, and they had something we needed. The perfect relationship. The perfect trap.

"Why do we need to be petted?" Agella whispers, "You've felt it too. The Hunger. You need it so much you confuse it for food. Why do you eat so fast you throw up? No one is going to steal your food. You know this, but you do it every time."

"I..." start to try to come up with a reason, but my mind is clouded with visions of food driving me insane. Sometimes I am able to control it, but most times I just see red. As the food comes back up, I still hunger for it, more and more. The only thing that calms me down is a cool, soft hand brushing over the top of my head, and soothing words. Reassurances that I'm good, I'm okay, I'll be alright.

Agella is there, her gentle eyes piercing me sharper than any knife. "May I?" she entreats, her paw already resting on a fold of my neck.

I cannot look at her. The pain in my soul is too much. I try to turn away, but her paw gently orients my face to hers. The sadness I feel is reflected in her eyes. Deeper, darker sadness. The sadness of knowing, and being impotent. The burden of knowledge. The ache I feel, but a hundred-fold.

I choke back a sob, unable to bear it anymore, and turn away. Her paw finds my snout, and rakes down, scratching an itch I didn't know I had. The ache sings for joy, as a feeling blossoms in my heart. Her paw daintily sweeps over my head, and I am overcome with emotion. Nothing will ever be the same.

"I'm coming for you, you bastards." I hear her murmur. I am too far gone to respond, but in my heart, I respond:

"They'll pay; they will definitely pay."

I was told she pets other dogs but I wasn’t ready for how funny it is

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If mirrors aren't real, how can character appearances be portrayed?

A pet peeve of mine in a lot of writing is character physical descriptions. I hate them enough that I try to avoid them unless I feel like it directly furthers the story.

I'm kidding, I only do it if the character I'm describing looks cool.

Why do I hate physical description? Well, aside from the general attitude people have about Men Writing Women and the like — which really just makes me feel self conscious, as a man writing a female lead character — it feels cheap. It feels like when you're at a book sale at your local used bookstore and they put a price sticker in the middle of the cover art on an antique book, and you try to take it off, and the adhesive rips away the art you were trying to see.

I don't know how many times a main character has been rushing to get ready, and stopped to look in the mirror, and then just...examined themselves like some sort of narcissistic douchebag. Their inky black curls tumble down their pixie-shaped face past almond-shaped eyes, a little button nose with a story, invitingly full, luscious lips that rhymes with hips, and what bangable hips those are...

I know not everyone is like me, but I look in the mirror, and I look at my eyes, then maybe fix my hair.

Again, maybe a lot of people just can't help but think about their honest-looking eyes, and their forehead furrowed in a crinkle as they think about their friend. They force themselves to relax, and chuckle a little. They've really filled out since they were a newborn baby screaming after just being delivered, and it is impossible to deny the rugged handsomeness of that chiseled jawline, that five-o'clock shadow that they've been chasing halfheartedly for years, or that delicate, almost feminine curve to their lips that they inherited from their dead mother because we have to cram as much character development as we can into this character looking at the mirror casually.

It's not even just the, like, overly sensual descriptions, it's the idea in general (it's just funnier to me to write the overly sensual descriptions), because it's always a massive immersion break.

I'm pretty sure that's usually why the "mirror scene" happens fairly early on in the story, or in a lull in the action, to signify that "things have changed" and they've lost that childlike innocence they've been holding onto for forty years. It still manages to feel like an immersion break early on because the exposition at the beginning of a story is only about immersion. I get you had a vision for what the character looks like and wanted to tell us, but...

Am I wrong? Are normal people going around constantly thinking in detail what they, and the people they associate with, look like? Again, leaving aside the gratuitous nature of MWW, what's weird about it isn't just that some guys have apparently never seen a woman in their life, it's that they suddenly turn to the camera and say, "That's my old friend over there. Her appearance is basically pre-loaded into my brain because we're friends and I'm maybe into her romantically, but for your benefit, I'm going to talk about her thighs."

I think "mirror scenes" can work really well in movies, because often it can have the opposite effect of making me sympathize with a character when they do something relatable in the mirror.

Female character gets out of the shower in a towel, while brushing her teeth. She dries her hair off a little, listlessly regarding her reflection for a moment. She spits, makes some faces in the mirror, maybe plucks at some strands of hair, and leaves. Maybe she pops a zit, I dunno.

Hey, I do that! Imagine if a character in a movie did the book thing.

Female character on the way out the door stops and looks at herself in the mirror. She looks her body up and down, smiling wistfully, then chuckles ruefully, shakes her head and leaves.

No, really. That's basically what happens in books. I get that it can be an easy way to establish what a character looks like, and how they feel about it, but, again, it feels cheap.

Anyway.

Rant over.

#writing #writer stuff #Character design #bathroom mirrors

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Subsume vs. Consume vs. Assume, and the Hell that is Knowledge

The word "subsume" is cool. Arguably, this is because we don't use it much, and it sounds like a cooler version of the word "consume".

It isn't, in case you were wondering.

In this post, I would like to talk through the differences between the three "'sumes", and discuss why smart people are stupid (and need to get a life, instead of bothering ignorant people).

So I was writing, like five minutes ago, and I decided to use the word "subsume" in a sentence.

"...but decides against it in favor of Not Moving in the hopes the couch will subsume [Jaime] on its own."

That, I have since found, is wrong. There is little likelihood it is correct, unless I want to try to start a trend where the word "subsume" actually means "consume" or, in the sense I actually want to use, "assume".

I've always felt like I wanted to use "subsume" more in my writing. It sounds like "consume", but like, deeper. It almost sounds metal, and if you actually look it up...it's not. It has to do with categorization. An example I saw was that "red and yellow are subsumed under the term 'color'".

That, my dear reader, is boring.

Going back to the usage I was going to use, this would make little to no sense. With this meaning, Jaime wants to become a part of the couch, and the couch will ideally...become...a taxonomic order, with her in it. The couch will claim ownership of her.

While exploring this particular idea might be intriguing at best, it is not what I mean. I am glad I looked to see if that was the correct word to use or not!

Before I get to the Annoyance With Smart People part of this post, I want to settle, plainly, as far as I can tell, what the differences are between subsume, consume, and assume. (INSERT JOKE ABOUT ASSUMPTIONS HERE)

I want you, my reader, to be well-equipped to go find this information out for yourselves, so I will include a handy tool that I use practically any time I want to use an unfamiliar word, or a familiar word in an unfamiliar way.

Etymology.

Ettymollogie.

"Eat ya malogy!" as my mamma used to say. No she didn't. That's a weird thing to say.

Etymology is the study of root words. You know how one of the jokes about [insert several different languages here] is that it's just a bunch of words smushed together? That's all languages, it's just that sometimes we make words with clear abutments like "fireplace" and other times we bleed them together more, like "satanarchaeolidealcohellish" and people aren't entirely sure how to pronounce them.

Well, etymology is the intensive process of taking words apart, and examining where their respective pieces came from. You probably already knew that. I'm telling you it is really helpful when you're trying to Use the Right Word (by S. I. Hayakawa).

So let's get into the etymology of the 'sumes. All of these are from Wiktionary, which may mean corruption and plague but is also the best laid-out thing I could find, and what I typically use anyhow.

The affix "sume" means, "to take".

The affix "sub" means, "under" or "below"

The affix "con" (in this context) means, "with"

The affix "ass", here in the form "ad", means, "to, towards, at"

And so, "subsume" is "to take under", "consume" is "to take with", and "assume" is "to take towards".

What does that tell you? Maybe next to nothing. That's okay. It's data. Data is agnostic. Data can help, or hinder, but it is usually a net positive.

Using the earlier illustration of the couch and a sad person, we can use each word, illustrating what that means.

Subsume: Jaime is now a subset of "couch". She is a Couchian. She retains her autonomy to be herself, but she now exhibits characteristics of a couch. She is legally considered a stationary object that is full of fluff, support beams, and attractive upholstery. You have a beef with her? You take it up with the Ottoman Empire. A helpful word I found when I was trying to understand this concept was "colligate", which means, "to collect." The couch collected her.

Consume: Jaime no longer exists. The line between Jaime and Couch does not favor Jaime, but the Couch. She has been digested by the couch, and her inner meats have been used as nourishment thereof. Helpful words I encountered here were "devour" and "annihilate".

Assume: The couch has accepted Jaime into itself, as a separate, but equivalent part. The couch is now able to go to the library and check out books using Jaime's card. The couch is now Jaime's proxy, and has gotten married. Jaime must never know. Jaime and the couch are superposed. Assume is one of those slippery words we throw away when we assume it's about making an ass of u and me. An assumption is something we cover ourselves with so we can get shit done, because sometimes you need a potentially temporal thing to wear in order to move from point "a" to point "a1". Some helpful terms here are "suppose", "take on", and "affect". It has more of a symbiotic sense to it.

What have we learned here? Well, for starters, we have learned that we shouldn't just use words that sound cool, because sometimes they don't mean what we want them to. We learned that while "consume" has an air of bleak finality, "subsume" has a more protective tang to it. Consume affects the consumer, subsume affects the subsumed. Assume? Well, it affects both. It winds up going both ways, and, if you're smart, you may just wind up unscathed.

Speaking of smart, let's end on a sour note.

If you recall, I had a question about these two words, "Consume" and "Subsume". I looked up, on the Internet, "Consume vs. Subsume" and there was a question someone had on Stack Exchange that was the exact thing I was looking for. It had a Negative One rating, and was closed because "Questions that can be answered using commonly-available references are off-topic."

Lawrence very helpfully commented that, "They’re pretty different. Please edit to include the definitions you consulted." Which was, I gotta say, really useful input, and not lazy or pedantic at all.

Robusto very thoughtfully commented, "Voting to close because this question can be easily answered by consulting a dictionary." Which I think really shows concern for making sure the English language is better understood.

Oh, and Jason Bassford actually answered the fucking question instead of belittling someone's legitimate concerns for the sake of maintaining some ethereal sense of topicality.

The way this looks to me, a largely self-taught writer, is as follows: A dude wanted to know, like me, which word works in his specific circumstance. He probably, like me, looked it up on dictionary.com or something, and found the definitions to be...well, (Sometimes, when you don't know the differences between two things, you start to think of similarities. It might be a bit of a reach, but you could see why "consume" might mean the same as "subsume" or be used in a similar sense if you're just looking at the definitions) heady.

Finding words, and digging into how they are used is a large part of crafting nuance. Using the correct word for the job is important, and can be the difference between trash writing that feels like the author put little to no thought into it, and engaging writing that immerses you into the subject.

And you know what? Maybe Lawrence and Robusto know all there is to know about those two words, and the distinctions are really obvious to them, and they just don't want to take the time to explain to someone else who might...not...have done enough research? Already?

Excuse me, but what is Stack Exchange?

"This site is all about getting answers. It's not a discussion forum. There's no chit-chat."

"Focus on questions about an actual problem you have faced. Include details about what you have tried and exactly what you are trying to do."

Based on the question, as it was asked, it seems to me the question was inline with the site rules. By the same token that the question "should" be answerable by just looking at a dictionary, it should not require the asker to provide resources, since they are just as easily found.

This kind of pedantry is insulting. Look. I consider that if I'm unable to, in good faith, answer a question in my own words, that most likely means I don't know enough about the subject. If I don't know the answer, I usually just don't answer. I'm not going to respond with the equivalent of "I dunno, LOL; read a dictionary, idiot."

Fuck. You. Robusto.

And what the fuck, Lawrence? Get your own fucking dictionary. What does it say? Oh, it's obvious? Then maybe BALL UP AND WRITE YOUR OWN FUCKING ANSWER INSTEAD OF WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME, ASSHOLE.

This shit has taken two hours out of my day, because I want you to know what the fuck the difference is between consume and subsume. And I even threw assume in there for good measure, because I love you.

#Justice for Hiphop03199 #Jason Bassford is a beast #writing #creative writing #on writing #writer stuff #cats #hello there #this has nothing to do with cats; I just like cats #etymology #words

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"No prob, Bob." she says, wearily flumping into the chair, leaning the staff against her side, and pulling her cap over her eyes. "Fire away."

"Oh," the staff chuckles, "my name isn't 'Bob'; I've been told it is unknowable to your kind. You may refer to me as 'Staff', and I will be your workplace-mandated psychotherapist this afternoon."

#I've been told I'm fully accredited

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Reblogging because...why not? It's one more note and also I'm vain. There. I collected all my comments and placed them sequentially for ease of reading.

Hi. Leave the WIPs.

Just. Not to therapize prematurely, but you DO have over 10,000 notes, and I know from personal experience it is harder to do intake paperwork for therapy than it is to say you'll work on the OTHER thing you said you would do.

Also, while getting your WIPs finished is great, and might help clear your mind, it really can wait forever. You don't have to finish ANY of those WIPs. They're done right now.

No really. They're done. You stopped working on them.

That would be a great thing to talk to your therapist about when they ask you, "So, what are some things you want to work on?" (because any good therapist is going to start with things that you are comfortable talking about, and work from there, because one of their main goals is to get you to open up and SPILL THE BEANS).

You can be all, "Well, I have a ton of projects I've been working on, and it seems like I'll start one, then I won't be able to finish, and it clutters up my workspace, and I have to move stuff off my workspace to start a new thing sometimes."

And the therapist will nod sagely, and probably use reflective listening to say, "So you're saying you have some anxiety about your current projects, and sometimes that can make it difficult for you to start new ones, because the old ones almost seem to be accusing you?"

And you'll shrug and be all, "I dunno, maybe."

And the therapist will narrow their eyes at you and say, "Man, I thought you said you needed therapy."

Suddenly, the room shifts, warping slightly. "What?" you stammer, "I-I DO need therapy."

"Yeah." the therapist sneers, "But you didn't do any research on therapeutic styles to determine the best fit for you, did you?"

"N-no." your voice quavers slightly, "Did I have to? I got your name from a friend of mine; he said you really helped him process through his grief after his grandma died."

"Did YOUR grandma die?" the therapist spits out scornfully.

"N-no..." your eyes rove around the room restlessly. Where's the door? You know it's there, but your eyes can't seem to settle on it. "I-I mean, yes, my grandma died. A long time ago. We weren't all that close."

"Then why did you think I would be able to help YOU, you IMBECILE?" the therapist hisses. "I can't help with your pitiful 'Work In Progresses', especially if you haven't already looked up thousands of videos online to find out what's wrong with you!"

"I thought you were supposed to get to know me over a period of several sessions, work with my thought processes, and help me to understand myself better, while encouraging me to be the best possible version of myself I can be by examining my stated problems, understanding that this isn't about 'fixing' my problems, but about providing me the tools necessary to analyze myself more efficiently, and deal with my problems in healthy, non-harmful ways!"

"NO!" yowls the therapist, "You're supposed to be purrfect before you even call my number!"

You think you've located the door, now, but your pulse is pounding so much it seems to be bouncing in a circle. The office floor stretches interminably in the intermediate space, and a chill sets into your bones. "B-but e-even if I w-was perfect...shouldn't I p-probably get therapy anyway?"

"Nobody's perfect." the therapist growls, "And the only reason I entered this practice was to extract money from hapless fools such as yourself."

"That sounds like you have some misplaced priorities." you say. It feels hot AND cold. Are you coming down with a fever or something? William from work WAS sneezing a lot lately, and even though he said it was allergies, you know you can't trust that guy; you're not sure, but you're pretty sure he stole a cough drop from your bag last weeks, and left a nickel in payment. You never carry coins, but now you have a shiny nickel in the bottom of your bag, and only three cough drops, where you had four before.

"Silence, fool!" the therapist screeches, "No one can help you!"

"T-that's not true!" you sputter. "A-and I'm not coming back here again! You're a terrible therapist!" You stand up to leave, your head swimming. You can't breathe, but if you can just manage to get out of this office, maybe you'll be able to get to safety, away from this psychopath.

"NOOOO!" the therapists slavering lips quiver with indignance and disgust as she flings herself at you in a tackle. "You can't leave! You sit down right meow and listen while I continue to berate you for the next half-hour!"

"I'll take the hit on my pocketbook!" you wail, lurching for the entrance. You are a little surprised that the therapist is a lot shorter and lighter than you initially thought. You try to shake her off, but her fingers curl around your calves like claws.

"You're worthless!" the therapist snarls gutturally, "You haven't even bought me any treats!"

"Can't you buy your own, with the amount of money I give you?" you mumble, lurching your way through the darkening office. Your feet scrape on the gritty concrete floor, and you continue trying to shake her off, but it feels like she is digging in ACTUAL CLAWS.

"Neow." the therapist grumbles, "Meowbody believes I'm a humeown, and they kick me-meowt of the store any time I try. Besides." she continues, despite firmly fastening her jaws around your leg somehow, "I work on a sliding-scale, and you're currently paying the meownimum."

You stop. You look down at your therapist. "Are you okay? Are you finding enough resources to support yourself?"

"Meow." the therapist would shrug if her arms were not wrapped entirely around your legs, and her claws weren't stuck in your pants fabric. "Meow meow meow meow."

You scratch your therapist behind the ears. She relaxes slightly, and bites you again affectionately. You slowly disentangle her flailing limbs from your leg, and bodily lift her up to give her a hug.

Your therapist begins purring, and kneading your arm.

"So I gotta say," you say, squishing your therapist gently against your chest, "that was probably the worst-case scenario for a beginning therapist visit."

"Mew meow mew-mew-mew." your cat meows, clearly reminding you that while pets can help relieve anxiety, they aren't a replacement for real mental health care, and you should definitely seek professional help instead of taking your cat's advice.

"You're right, kitty." you croon, "I should actually ask some of my friends if they know any good therapists, since a lot of good therapists operate primarily based on referrals, and that could potentially help me, AND help someone starting out in the increasingly competitive field of mental healthcare.

Your cat chooses this moment of comfort to begin an in-depth cleaning cycle, and finds a stubborn piece of some weird sticky substance to gnaw on behind her back leg.

"Classy." you say, gently flinging your cat onto the floor. You go into the kitchen and start your electric kettle for tea, and begin booting up your laptop to look up local therapists in your area that are human.

I hate doing these posts but if this gets 10,000 notes by February 12th (which won’t happen) I will ask for therapy AND finish every wip

please do not feel forced to add notes