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xinfamousxunderdogx · 1 year

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Disconnected (Jaskier x Reader)

Hello hello there,

well, it’s been a while since I’ve shared a story on here. But I managed to finish something I’ve started writing quite a while ago. It’s not very long, but I needed a bit of comfort from the bard, as we all do. So I thought I’d share it.

This story is heavily inspired by the song “Disconnected” by Imminence, which I can highly recommend to you.

Quick summary: The reader os having quite a hard time to cope with their feelings on their own, but Jaskier is there to comfort them

“You’ve been in there for hours and you’ve had this song on repeat for weeks now already.” He leaned against the door frame, pale blue eyes fixating on me, eyebrows furrowed, a worried expression on his face.

And I looked away. I couldn’t face him.

He was right. I recently barely left my room, from time to time at least, only if I had to. And these times piled up the past weeks. I tried to hide it, because I didn’t want Jaskier to notice. Tried to keep up that smile and the bubbly energy we both shared. And I thought it worked. But yet again I realized I couldn’t trick him. He was way too good with people and knew me too well.

“I’m just tired. This week’s been exhausting.”, I murmured, still not looking back at him. Right now, there was still a chance that Jaskier would give up and simply leave me alone. But if I’d face him I knew I would start to cry, and then I would have to explain myself, but I know I wouldn’t find any words for what was going on inside my head right now. The past weeks. Months, even. Everything felt off, in a weird way, and I wasn’t able to explain. So, it was easier to deal with this on my own, in my head. Where I wouldn’t have to try and phrase my thoughts and feelings.

I grabbed my phone and turned up the volume just a tad bit, hoping Jaskier would understand and leave. With a sigh I closed my eyes, waiting for the familiar sound of the door closing and footsteps distancing. The door closed. But the footsteps approached, and a second later I felt the weight of his body lowering the mattress. Couldn’t he just go away? Couldn’t he just leave me alone?

“Jaskier, please, I said I’m fine I’m-“

“You can’t fool me, dear”, he interrupted me, and his voice was so incredibly soft, so caring and warm that I knew if he continued to talk, I wouldn’t be able to hold the tears back.

“I don’t expect you to talk to me, not if you don’t want to. I’m definitely not going to force you. But …”, he remained silent for a moment, as if he was trying to find the right words. “I’m worried. You haven’t… you haven’t been really … you, lately. I can see that there’s something bothering you, something that heavies your heart and mind, and I’m worried that it eventually might suffocate you.”

That was it. The first tear was running down my nose, but I did my best to try and keep my breath steady and calm. I hated to cry in front of others, at least when I was crying out of sadness.

“I just want you to know I’m here, okay? I’ll always be, whenever you need me. Remember that, okay?” I nodded quickly, giving him a sign that I was listening and not ignoring him. I wanted to thank him. But the lump in my throat was too big, so I just nodded.

“Good … good”, he whispered in response, and when I felt him shifting on the mattress to get up I quickly reached for his hand. I realized that I didn’t want to be alone, that I needed someone, but not to talk … just to be there.

“Could you … stay?”, I asked, barely audible, my voice almost cracked. But Jaskier sat back down, I felt the warmth of his body against my back again, giving me a feeling of safety. As if this warmth protected me, from the world, from my thoughts. I felt safer.

I took a deep breath, trying to swallow the lump in my throat before I spoke again. “I … don’t want to talk, though. But I think I could need some … some company.”

“Shhh, you don’t have to explain or justify yourself. If you need company, I shall, no, I will provide it, okay? Without question.” His fingers slowly intertwined with mine as his thumb started to gently rub circles on the back of my hand. Which only caused more tears to run down my face, and I desperately tried to suppress any sob, but Jaskier knew me too well. The grip around my hand tightened just a bit, and he turned so he was completely facing me.

“Do you need a hug?”, he asked and I just nodded, gritting my teeth, but as soon as Jaskier wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer, it was like something in my brain that was responsible for me holding back shut itself off. Tears were streaming down my face and I started sobbing almost uncontrollably. But Jaskier held me close, and my fingers were clinging onto his forearms as if my life was depending on them, on him. Everything that I’ve been holding back. suppressing, all the tears and emotions, now came over me at once like a tidal wave, and even though for now it felt like i was drowninhg in all of these feelings I knew I would feel better afterwards.

A loud, frantic sob escaped my throat and Jaskier wrapped his arms even tighter around me, gently rocking back and forth, he was mumbling something, I couldn’t understand the words but the sound of his voice and the vibrations I felt from his chest kept me safe.

I don’t know for how long we sat there, how long he held me while I was falling apart in his arms, crying every tear ive swallowed over the past few months. But eventually, even the last single tear ran dry and my breath got calmer again. I didn’t feel much better. But lighter than before. But even after I’ve stopped crying Jaskier kept holding me. And I was glad. I didn’t know if I was emotionally or mentally ready to let go of the shelter his arms and his body provided.

“I just ... I just feel so empty. And lonely.”, I whispered almost hesitantly after a while. “Most of the times, there’s just a void inside of me, and I don’t seem to be able to fill it. It’s ridiculous, because I know that theres is no reason for me to feel like that. I ... I have everything I need in life. Maybe that’s what frustrates me the most. Other people have it so much worse, have experienced so many horrible things and yet there’s nothing I can do against feeling that way even though I know there’s no reason for these kind of feelings.”

My voice got quiet again in the end, nothing more than a raspy whisper. There it was again. The habit to justify myself for my feelings, and to understate them. It’s always been this way. I wouldn’t allow myself any negative feelings that had no cause. Not because I didn’t want to, I really tried, but my mind was telling me other things.

“Can you be happy without any specific reason?”, Jaskier asked, his voice a gentle whisper right beside my ear. The question confused me. “Uhm ... yes, of course”, I replied, but it sounded more like a question than a statement.

“Is that feeling of happiness, you can experience without any specific reason less intense, less of an actual, valid feeling?”, he asked further. “What? Of course not, Jaskier, why should-” “Then why”, he interrupted me “Should any of your negative feelings such as sadness be less real, less valid even though in your opinion there might be no good reason for these feelings?”

I really had to think about this for a moment. But as much as I tried, I couldn’t come up with a reasonable argument. I had to admit that he was right. As much as I hated it.

“But I feel so guilty”, I whispered, and in this moment i was glad both uo us were facing the wall. I knew I couldn’t keep up this conversation when I was looking at him. Because right now, i showed myself the most vulnerable I ever had. It was difficult, but Jaskier made it a bit easier.

“We are human, love. We try to find explanations for everything, or anyone to blame. But feelings aren’t something that can be explained so easily. We don’t care when it comes to happy, psoitive feelings. of course not, why shouldn’t we.But with tzhe negative feelings ... when there’s no explanation for that, the most logical consequence is to blame ourselves for them. Even though there’s no need to. Because feelings come and go, no matter what kind of. If, for example, you love someone, but they don’t love you back - they haven’t hurt you, they just don’t feel the same. Then you get sad, which is a reasonable response to the situation. there’s an explanation for your feelings, yet noone to blame. You wouldn’t blame yourself there, too, would you? So why do you do it now?”

Jaskiers voice was calm, soothing. And for the forst time in months I felt rather ... alright. As if his words managed to seal the leaks in my mind that were spreading the void, finally helping me to form clear thoughts again. His words calmed the chaos up there.

The way he explained it everything seemed to make so much sense. And he was right, I coulnd’t say anthing against it. But I knew that was just for that moment. The thoughts would come back. The guilt.

“I understand that I won’t be able to change your mind about this with just one conversation. That’s not my intention”, he continued, as if he’s been knowing exactly what I was thinking about. “But ... if you’ll let me, we can work on this together. If you allow me to help you we will find a way. A way for you to cope. To allow any kind of feeling, good or bad. To be human, but to accept everything that comes with it.”

A single tear rolled down the bridge of my nose, but I wasn’t crying because of sadness again. more because of relief. It felt good that now someone knew what was going on. Someone I trusted, someone I know would support me. Just for the moment I had the feeling that with Jaskiers help I could actually manage to put my thought in order again, to show them theor place. To work with them, not against them.

And I was more than thankful for that.

#Jaskier #jaskier x reader #the witcher netflix #hurt/comfort

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xinfamousxunderdogx · 2 years

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I’m here to keep you warm

I’ve uploaded this on Ao3 a while ago but I think I’ve never shared it on here. I wanted to write some Geraskier fluff, I hope you’ll like it ^^

„Geralt?“

Jaskier’s whisper was so quiet the crackling sound of the fire almost drowned out his voice, so when the witcher didn’t reply, he wasn’t sure if it was because he was asleep or because he didn’t hear him. So he tried again, a bit louder this time.

“Geralt? Are you awake?”

Again, no response, so he probably really was asleep. Or he was ignoring him. The thought of that made Jaskier frown.

Slowly, he turned around on the thin sleeping mat that wasn’t really much of use, he could still feel every little stone and branch beneath it. But he was used to it by now, travelling with Geralt for so many months now. What he wasn’t used to was the cold that was creeping through his clothes and not even the fire managed to banish.

Geralt didn’t seem to be bothered by the cold, of course not, he was used to it. He looked warm.

So Jaskier did the only thing that seemed reasonable. Instead of laying down closer to the fire he got up and dragged his sleeping mat closer to Geralt, laid it down next to him and himself on it, his back facing Geralt. For now. As a precaution, he didn’t want to wake him up. (Okay, no be honest he just didn’t know if Geralt was up to some cuddles, he was almost certain he would not be amused and-)

“Jaskier.”

Geralts voice rumbled so low in his chest that Jaskier could feel Geralts back vibrating against his own, as they were touching (he was indeed very warm).

The poet bit his lip, trying to pretend to be asleep, a ridiculous thing to do, knowing that Geralt was fully aware that he’d just dragged almost his entire belongings half across their camp.

But Geralt didn’t say anything further, Jaskier could just feel him bringing more distance between them again so their backs were no longer touching. Immediately, Jaskier missed the warmth of Geralt’s body, the cold ait hitting him again, sending shivers down his spine.

“Geralt, I’m cold!”, the man whined dramatically, which was just answered by another monotonous hum coming from the witcher.

“You know, I for myself don’t have a … a wall of muscles protecting me from the cold”, he muttered as he tried to bring his body as close to Geralt’s as possible without them touching, but so close that he would be able to absorb at least a little bit of the warmth from him.

And I wouldn’t mind if you would provide said wall of muscles that I’m missing, he added silently.

Geralt rolled his eyes internally, trying not to pay attention to the utterly dramatic behavior of the bard. But he had noticed his shivering body even before he’d laid down right beside him. And he felt sorry for him, because thinking about it Jaskier maybe wasn’t overly dramatic this time.

“But of course, just let me freeze here in the deep and dark of a damn … direful forest, with barely any fire because oh no then monsters could notice us. Gods I would-“

“Come here.”

Jaskier stopped his monologue mid-sentence and looked at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He had been so caught up in his rant that he hadn’t noticed that Geralt had turned around and was patting the ground next to him.

“What?”

Geralt sighed and couldn’t help but smile slightly.

“You said you’re cold. And I’d like to get some sleep, which is impossible with either you talking to yourself the entire night or shivering”, Geralt explained the obvious. “So come here. I’ll keep you warm.”

How did he know Jaskier was shi- ah, witcher senses. Of Course.

Jaskier looked at him as if Geralt had revealed himself to be a doppler.

“Are you sure?”, he asked, but slowly, almost hesitantly he laid down right next to him, looking at him as if every moment Geralt could turn into a nekker and bite his head off.

“Just shut up and go back to sleep, bard”, Geralt murmured as he wrapped an arm around Jaskiers cold body, pulling him closer.

And surprisingly, Jaskier immediately relaxed there in Geralt’s arms. Even though he was still convinced he was dreaming, but Geralt’s firm and warm body and his hot breath on the cold skin of his neck proved the opposite.

Jaskier smiled to himself as he happily nuzzled up against Geralt, who just tightened his grip around the bard and buried his nose into the crook of his neck.

Well well, who would’ve thought that? Geralt of Rivia was a cuddler.

Now this was almost worth a ballad. Almost only. Some moments were precious, too precious for mankind, some moments just had to be tucked away and cherished privately.

This was such a moment.

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geraskier fanfiction #geralt of rivia #Jaskier #the witcher netflix #geraskier fluff #originally posted on ao3

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