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flashbacks

trigger warning

my mother has a photograph she likes to show me when she’s upset she says you used to be such a nice boy i just don’t know what happened to you now i admit i barely recognize the child three years old on halloween smiling without someone having to remind me to do it but the picture has a habit of giving me flashbacks

snap

suddenly i am 7 again and a pair of broken glasses at the bus stop in your culdesac it’s one of my oldest lessons cause mama knows best she’s teaching me to turn the other cheek kill em with kindness son

snap

i’m thirteen and we are in your bedroom you are telling me that i should think about it this as though we were scientists It’s cool it’s cool we’re just experimenting everyone your age experiments how will you ever know if you don’t?

snap

i’m twenty eight and someone on the internet is telling me that the word rape could never belong to me she says “Don’t you know how triggering it is for women?” and the only thing i can think about is if my story deserves to breathe if it doesn’t sound like hers if my trauma has to wear a dress before you believe it

snap

every single day i am seventeen and on your doorstep again sorry that it took me so long to grow into these fists that the hate grew like a pearl inside me around a single impurity until i could no longer bear it the largest kitchen knife our house in my hands the look on my face as i realize the home you lived in is now empty how i buried it in the front yard with my bare hands and sometimes i think about visiting the spot with a wreath or white cross the way people do along highways where people have died she still asks me what happened to her sweet boy but never where the kitchen knife went now i choke when i hear things like “you look like you turned out just fine to me” every time someone tells me to man up i watch my childhood drive away in the white van of his bedroom when the only person i was brave enough to tell said “why didn’t you just try to avoid it?” i said nothing it felt like someone died and i helped hide the body i wish i had said maybe oklahoma city should have tried to avoid timothy mcveigh wish i would have said the twin towers should’ve tried to avoid new york in september cause i’m tired of feeling like im the skeleton in someone else’s closet tired of feeling like there’s a ghost in my house when i’m home wondering if any of the bridges i’ve stood on will out last the memory of what you did to me wondering if there is a word for drowning without dying at the end

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It's World Eating Disorders Day!

{tw: weight, food, ED, body}

Please remember:

-to tag content w/ body, food, and EDs -to recognize that there are more EDs than anorexia and bulimia -anorexia is not a body type -eating disorders don’t discriminate: your race, gender, and body type don’t make your ED any less valid -you can’t “look anorexic" -your weight doesn’t have to be in the double digits to validate your ED -eating disorders are mental illnesses -eating disorders aren’t just “a phase” -no one chooses to have an eating disorder -eating disorders aren’t always linked someone wanting to be thin, the root often goes much deeper than that -no, just because you saw them eat does not invalidate their very real ED

It is NOT okay:

-to tell someone with an ED to “just eat” -to force someone w/ an ED to eat -to make someone’s ED about you -to shame someone for coping with their ED the way they want -to attempt to relate to someone w/ an ED when you don’t have one -to force someone w/ an ED to vividly describe their ED to you. WebMD is free. -to tell someone they don’t “look like they have an ED” -to tell someone w/ an ED that they’re selfish and ungrateful because “there are children starving”

Please don’t speak for us or over us. Our eating disorder doesn’t define us. We deserve respect.

To all my babes that deal with an ED, you are still important and you still matter. Even if you are far from recovery, you can get there. You WILL get there, one day at a time.

#national eating disorder awareness week #neda #nedawareness #neda week

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room walls

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jane birkin and serge gainsbourg. ig: poeticamenteflor

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Please support a black femme artist trying to escape an abusive home!! Please buy my work and reblog this post society6.com/feminista I appreciate all of it!

#art #illustration #artist #abuse #digital #black art #my art #me #mine

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Inspired by graffiti artist Chris Shim (Royal Dog)

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inspired by @1041uuu

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zzz

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Illustrations for an art assignment at school

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illustration for the song ‘2 meisjes op het strand’ by Raymond Van Het Groenewoud

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the lovers collection is now available in my shop!

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100816 - girls girls (and plants) 02

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Being a mentally ill high school student is so rough. I wish it was more socially acceptable to talk about. Like, I have such a strong drive to succeed. But my illnesses inhibit me from being able to actually succeed. My motivation is fucked. I would love to do my APUSH and APELC homework right now. It’s due tomorrow. I will feel terrible if I show up to class without it - even if I have a legitimate excuse. But I physically can not move. I want to cry but nothing ever comes out of my eyes anymore. I feel guilty and like a total slacker if I ask someone for notes to copy. Homework is a key part of my APUSH class. I’ve been on top of it so far, but tonight is really difficult. I’m not sure what’s changed, but I can’t help but be disappointed in myself. I know, in the back of my mind, that this isn’t my fault. But god does it feel like it is.

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When you get this, respond with 5 things that make you happy, then send to the last 10 people in your notifications on anon ♡

the inevitability of deathsleepingbeing 5000 miles away from my f*th*rnot being in a manipulative relationshiplosing weight

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scooby-doo was a good show which taught children that the real monsters are land speculators and real estate developers