ventdetourment

[ventdetourment]

Sometimes there isn’t a clear cut villain in our stories.

Sometimes our abusers were children.

Sometimes they were mentally ill.

Sometimes they were abused themselves and didn’t learn another way yet.

Sometimes they genuinely didn’t realize they were hurting us.

Whatever the reason, sometimes it’s not so black and white and this makes us confused at where to place our anger or emotions in general.

Please know that you are valid. You are still allowed to be angry at them. You do not have to forgive them. You do not need to allow them in your life.

Your peace is most important.

[ventdetourment]

How to not murder my brother easy tutorial no borax

#tourment.txt #Sibling trauma #:-))))) #Yapping to me allllll fucking night about going in person to book an appointment today #TELLS ME to remind him #Yet today #Doesn't answer my calls nor my texts #Until after the therapist closes :) #Fuck off fujc off FUCK OFF #I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU #YOU FUCKING RUINED MY LIFE!!!! #Nickname me Cain because -

[ventdetourment]

Cw disordered eating / food issues (kind of)

I went to my favorite Thai food place today for lunch and I got the same dish as usual but. The chicken was OFF. In taste it was fine but the texture. So wrong.

Now I'm not sure I'll take the same dish again but the rest of it is literally perfect :-( I feel like I definitely have the most texture issues with meat and there will probably be a time where I just won't bother with meat anymore.

#Disorder eating #Texture issues #Food issues #Tourment.txt #Bleh

[ventdetourment]

must be nice to be able to let things go, unfortunately everything that has ever happened to me never leaves my mind

[ventdetourment]

Would I know it, if you were gone?

Would I feel it in my bones? In the space where siblings typically feel a bond?

Would I be haunted by the fact that it was me you texted?

You're alive and -

Well, I won't say you're well -

You're not texting me back.

You were texting me at the end of your world,

When you broke mine at the beginning of my days.

What does this mean for us?

Can I love you without hating you?

Can you love me without hating yourself?

#tourment.txt #Poetry #Kind of #@lion #Sibling trauma #If you had truly been gone #I would have thought it my fault #Because I let Mom make me wait all day to call firemen on you #And Dad. And everybody who knows you #The boy who cried wolf

[ventdetourment]

How do I stop thinking about my trauma? Like genuinely?

It's not as often anymore, and I don't think it's flashbacks really, but recently at night I can't stop thinking about it.

All I've found so far is to actually numb my brain out with distractions but I don't know if that's very sustainable.

#Trauma #Incest #actually cptsd #tourment.txt #I'm so tired and my sleep is not restful

[ventdetourment]

nightmare // 4.12.2017

#Lmfao @M #That's the thing that made him realize that he was in fact harassing me #“hey I don't want you to contact me anymore ” #He keeps contacting me #“why aren't we friends?” #“I literally just had a nightmare about you and what happened again”

[ventdetourment]

Ollie Schminkey

[ventdetourment]

Bro, again tonight. I wonder what the fuck goes on in her head. Like, she knows. Why the fuck would you bring that up to me twice?

Like, she definitely knows what happened. I've told her. My parents intervened for some of it. They just never followed through, never checked up on me.

But they'd thought about sending my brother to therapy. Not me though! Surely I'd forget!

My first memories are either being scared and sad and alone at the hospital or being violated. I didn't fucking forget.

It's lucky that I'm already dissociating from my brother being there because why would my Mom bring up the commission about incest to me?

As if my abuser isn't right there?

As if she and my dad didn't fail me by pretending it never happened?

#tourment.txt #Incest #Tw incest #fascinating. #Does she think this shows that she cares or something #I mean cool but too fucking late lol

[ventdetourment]

I'M A NERVOUS WRECK I'M A NERVOUS WRECK I'M A NERVOUS WRECK I'M A NERVOUS WRECK

[ventdetourment]

It's lucky that I'm already dissociating from my brother being there because why would my Mom bring up the commission about incest to me?

As if my abuser isn't right there?

As if she and my dad didn't fail me by pretending it never happened?

#tourment.txt #I think if I were more in my body I'd be throwing up so #How fortunate #Incest

[ventdetourment]

// Nitya prakash

// Richard siken, Crush [parallels]

[ventdetourment]

everything you'll forget

[ventdetourment]

ughhhh

#I knew immigrating was going to be a pain in the ass but we've waited a year and now that it's getting closer #It's so fucking stressful #It's all rushing in #I have to wait for my interview but I have to do my medical visit first so that's Two days in Paris bro not all of us live in fucking Paris #I had to order a checkbook just now because the embassy requires payment in money order or checks #I have to make sure my cat gets the rest of his vaccine in the next month #I have to make sure he gets another vet visit within 30 days before the flight m #If they approve me I only have #3 months to get everything ready #That also means making sure I can secure enough of my medication and getting authorization from insurance here #So I don't get left out without medication while I find insurance THERE #It's so fucking much bro!!! #And my family is asking me to get a job rn as if I'll be idly waiting and all of these things will magically work themselves out #Also how the fuck does one plan for a transatlantic move anyway #Do I just go with one suitcase for now and do the rest when I eventually have residency and came come back to France to take it #Tourment.txt

[ventdetourment]

source

#Dice #Aqua

[ventdetourment]

A necessary reminder for you and for me. I will allow myself to hurt but I will not let it consume me. I will feel everything I need to and still, in the end, pick myself back up.

[ventdetourment]

Something to remember