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vang0--bang0 · 4 years

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WRITW YOUR “THEY LOVED EACH OTHER BEFORE VB WAS TAKEN” THING I WANT MY EMOTIONS TO BE TORN TO SHREDS

this ended up longer than i’d originally intended but still not that long…. hope it’s alright lol

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Vang0 knows Burger Chainz had someone at some point. His person or whatever. They’ve never talked about it. Vang0 pretends he doesn’t know. But it’s hard to ignore sometimes, when Burger will look at him for just a second like he’s someone else, before recognition flashes across his face and it morphs back to his normal jovial self.

He knows nothing about who they were and what they meant to him. Where they were now. It wasn’t his place to ask and feelings were miles outside his normal wheelhouse. It’s just something they don’t talk about. They don’t talk about Vang0 either. They talk about his career and his followers and what games he’s playing but never really about him. They’ve never talked about the warehouse. Not since that first night. Never talked about what it meant. It’s just not something they do. Easier to move forward than dwell on the past.

But there are times, lots of them recently, when Burger is driving them across the city, his metal jaw set tight. His eyes look glazed over and almost porcelain. Artificial and cold. As if they’d been replaced like so many of things. And there’s a sense of resolute sadness that radiates off him. Cocoons him in his own little imperceptible world. Those moments make Vang0 wish he could be the kind of person to ask the hard questions. To be the kind of person who could help. He can’t though. He wouldn’t even know where to start.

Vang0 thought he could just ignore it forever. If they kept busy enough, they could outrun their pasts. Get caught up in the ridiculous high jinks, the thrill of their dangerous work. One adrenaline rush to another. Never pausing long enough to reflect.

He’d done a pretty good job of it for a while, intentionally missed plenty of chances. Spaces where it would’ve been easy to just say something.

It’s better this way, he told himself, for both of us.

Vang0 should’ve known better than to think the past could actually stay buried. It was never dead.

Though he’d lived here for months now, the city was still a mystery to him. The dull buildings and sun-cracked sidewalk all looked the same to him. The neon lights of different bars and businesses indistinguishable even in his own neighborhood. Everything felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, monotony with no order or reason. So he didn’t know where they were, that was pretty normal. What was unusual was Burger. He’d been jittery and quiet all day. If Vang0 didn’t know him so well he’d say the big guy was anxious. For the life of him Vang0 couldn’t understand why. This was just a surveillance mission and an easy one at that. Not a gang den or a mob party, just a building they suspected might house a hacker whose expertise might prove useful.

Even with Burger’s weird energy things had been going smoothly so far, they’d managed to tail the woman they were after from a coffee shop and were confidently on their way to her building. Vang0 was caught up in pondering what sort of things he should keep track of. How many people go into the building? What do they look like? Are they in groups? Are there other entrances we need to know about?

He doesn’t even realize Burger isn’t next to him anymore until he goes to nudge him only to be met with open air. Vang0 turns around frantically but his eyes quickly find the unique metal line of Burger’s jaw. He’s standing stock still a dozen yards behind him, white as the steam coming off of the sewer grates.

Pushing his way through the thin flow of people, he approaches his friend with caution.

“Hey, bud. You good? We’re almost to her building.”

To his horror, when Burger looks down at him there’s an unmistakable shine of tears in his eyes. This is the moment he realizes. He’s supposed to take the leap. Comfort his friend even if he doesn’t understand. He opens his mouth not even knowing what he wants to say when the air is knocked out of him. It takes him a moment to realize Burger’s arms are wrapped tight around him and his breathing is uneven and labored and he’s actually crying, right into Vang0’s jacket. Not sobbing. Just silent weeps that shake Burger’s whole body. Vang0’s arms wrap around Burger’s broad shoulders awkwardly, he realizes in that moment he hasn’t hugged anyone in… Could it really be- Not since the night Burger Chainz had found him, helped him. It was the first time he’d seen someone in so long, he hadn’t even thought about it, he’d just done it.

Despite the awkward positioning and the press of a crowd around them Vang0 found himself settling into it. Comfortable in a way he hadn’t been expecting. Like breaching the water and taking a breath of fresh air, not even realizing how long he’d been holding his breath.

When Burger pulls away, still breathing deep and unevenly, Vang0 pulls him to the curb and sits them down. There’s a million things he wants, needs, to say and ask but he can’t find the words for any of them.

“Um..”

“I used to live here,” Burger said. He pointed across the street from them, a nondescript building, as unreadable as every other building to Vang0, “There.”

Vang0 doesn’t know what to say to that but he looks at Burger, urging him to go on.

“When we first came to the city. Didn’t know anyone or anything about what was what here. Everything was so different and loud. Like being on an alien planet. We didn’t know this was a shittier part of town, didn’t even know enough to realize there weren’t any good parts.”

The “we” threw Vang0 off. He’d known there was someone. An amalgamous empty shape in Burger’s life where something used to be but hearing it was something entirely different. It set Vang0 on edge in a way he didn’t understand.

“People go missing here all the time. They don’t tell you that. No one really cares or thinks anything about it. Just is. But we didn’t know. We thought everything was finally starting, a whole new life. We had plans. I had plans…”

Burger closed up. His face going steely and cold, eyes still glued to the building across from them.

“What happened?” Vang0 asked quietly.

The city seemed quieter around them somehow, muffled, Vang0 could almost hear Burger’s shallow breathing.

“Nothing special. I was gone- two days on a job, no more than usual- and when I came back I could just feel it. Nothing looked wrong, no mess or signs of a fight or nothing. But it felt off, ya know? I could tell. I asked around about him but no one said they’d seen anything. I checked around. Waited a few days. Nothing. He’d just vanished.”

Vang0 started to ask but Burger spoke up before he could.

“He wouldn’t just leave. People tried to tell me that. It’s bullshit. I knew Puck. He wouldn’t do that. Not the type to bail on anyone… Like I said I waited a bit, maybe something came up. I thought about going to the cops but we were broke and by then I knew what this place was, how it worked. Even if he was there to find they never would’ve done it.”

After that he was quiet for so long Vang0 thought that might be the end of it. Everything seemed clouded and dull and Burger was fixated on the building, eyes unfocused.

“‘S how I met Dasha, actually. Heard she knew people. So I went to her for help, explained the whole thing, and then she explained it back to me. Like no one else would. She told me, sometimes people just go missing. No rhyme or reason they just do. Sometimes they turn up. As a body, as a name in the news, a new prisoner on the list, in a gang, arm candy to some bureaucrat. But she told me, not turning up was the same as good as a body. Two months, there was still a chance. They’d be in deep shit but they might still be breathing for the time being. If he showed up after six months, he was alive but he’d never be coming back but after that… No chance. People gone longer than that don’t get found. They just don’t.”

Burger Chainz sighed and rubbed his metal jaw with his hand.

“She helped me look for a while. I think she knew from the beginning there’d be nothing to find but she stuck around for me. But eventually I had to try to let go… Being stuck here wasn’t helping me and it wasn’t going to help him either. So I just left. I’ve been living in my van ever since. Haven’t been back till today, if you couldn’t tell.”

Vang0’s felt like his nerves were fried. Stiff and tingly in a way he couldn’t understand. His breathing was labored. He didn’t understand what was going on but he realized through whatever was happening to him that he needed to say something.

“I- I’m sorry,” he tried.

“Me too,” Burger said with a tight, rueful smile.

“No really, if I’d had any idea… I would’ve just done this on my own.”

Burger shook his head, “No, I would’ve ended up back here eventually. I’m, ah, well, I guess I’m glad it was with you. Not glad. Just- It’s good that you know, ya know?”

Again Vang0 was left unsure of what to say. So he did what he usually did, said the first thing that came into his mind.

“What was he like?”

“He was… a bit quiet. Smart as hell though, no idea how his mind worked. Liked to keep to his own a bit, no idea why he liked the city so much when he never wanted to leave the apartment. Didn’t fit in here at all, kept wearing his worn-out country clothes even after we bought new things. Said they felt more like him. He was kind of everything to me. Cheesy as it sounds. We never had much but I had him and he had me and that seemed like enough.”

They sat in silence for a while. Mission long since forgotten, the day ticking by inconsequentially. Vang0 sets a hand lightly on Burger’s shoulder at one point. An anchor. He remembers the day they’d met, Burger had found him in the warehouse, engrossed in his work and heedless of the outside world. He’d placed his hand on Vang0’s shoulder to get his attention, the first person he’d seen outside of a screen in all of his short memory. It had made him feel real, permanent. He hoped it offered some semblance of comfort to Burger now the way it had to him then.

Burger looked at Vang0, really looked at him, for the first time since he’d broken down. He still didn’t seem himself, his posture stiff and any trace of a smile distant. But he looked at Vang0 his eyes clear and bright and simply said, “I think Puck would’ve liked you.”

There was something with those words and the panicked feeling that still gripped Vang0. Something else he should be doing or saying, he knows. But the thought is locked off. A scab he wants to pick at but can’t. Won’t. Instead he takes a steadying breath and looks back at his friend with a small smile, “I think I would’ve liked him too.”

#ahhhh!#vang0chainz #i lov u em :')#the only fanfic i dont just scroll past these days lol

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