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hey 😝

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sometimes you just have to have a chocolate muffin knowing it’s gonna cost you an hour long walk and that’s ok

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0

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honestly i think i might actually gain by the end of the month. at the rate i’m going? i’m surprised if i start july at 126 (the thought makes me gag but let’s be real). i haven’t worked out in days and the past two days i did not restrict. i’m too afraid to weigh rn but i’m just gonna try to finish off the month strong and do this all again in july…yay.

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw weight #tw ana diet #tw ed diet #edblrr

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seven more days until the end of the month. fucking horrified for this sunday bc i have a church event and there’s like no way i’ll be able to skip out on eating. idk if i mentioned this but i think my sisters getting suspicious and if i don’t eat there, she’s gonna be on my ASS. on the other hand though, it’s too close to my final weigh in day (the 30th) for me to not be completely in control. idk what i’m gonna do. idek if this is worth it bc i haven’t seen any huge results and i’m getting impatient

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit

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not to be dramatic but i’m just not seeing an end to this and i’m witnessing myself fall into a a mindset that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to recover from.

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #tw ana shit #i want to be weightless #tw weight #tw ed diet #tw ana diet

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this is genuinely so miserable. i feel like no progress is being made and i’m too scared to check the scale bc there’s a chance it’ll just confirm my fears and send me into a spiral. i hate the fact that i just come on here and complain but im sick of making myself sick only to not even see results

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw ed rant #tw ana rant #tw ed in the tags #edblrr

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i hate myself

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw ed diet #tw ana diet #tw ed in the tags #edblrr

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allow me to recap the past two days:

saturday- got 🍃 as FUCK w my friends and went out to eat. thankfully i had already worked out and before i went, the only thing i had to eat was a rice cake. however, i ate sooooo fucking much plus i had like 5 cookies after eating which in and of itself is more cals than i usually eat in a day.

sunday- father’s day. all my dad wanted to do was barbecue so we did. i had two hot dogs, hella chips and dip, and ice cream at the end of the day. OH and we celebrated at church too and i had a plate there plus the desserts they were serving. i did not have time to work out.

today- i just ate my leftovers??? for no fucking reason. i think i was doing the thing where i eat uncontrollably and my rationale is “now the food isn’t gonna be there to binge later”. anyways, it wasn’t too much but i also had a piece of brownie and i can’t calculate the cals so i’m gonna give myself at most 200 cals remaining for today.

my “under 120 pounds” by the end of the month dream seems to be dwindling before me. i didn’t get a chance to weigh myself yesterday like i wanted to so idk where i stand. ten days left of this month and i continue to be delusional. i think i’m probably gonna be back to like 126 when i check tomorrow. today my mission is to clear my system bc tmi but i haven’t had a bowel movement in days so all that good from over the weekend is still in my system.

so um that’s my update. another day of laying my whole life out on this app for strangers to see

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw ed in the tags #tw ana trigger #tw weight #tw edd #edblrr

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i just looked in the mirror and i swear i lost weight. i even looked in a different mirror just in case the first one was distorted and it looked the same. it wasnt anything major but i picked up on it and wow i really needed that

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit

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maybe i'm just delusional but i still have so much faith that im going to be happy with my progress by the end of the month. my gw of 116.6 seems to be getting a bit out of reach for june but as long as i dip below the 120's (which i definitely can), i'll be happy. im posting this now bc it's gonna be embarrassing asf if i post this and don't make my goal so i'm using that as motivation lol

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #tw ana shit #i want to be weightless #edblrr #tw ed in the tags #tw weight #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet

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yeah i’m back. didn’t take very long huh

yesterday was….definitely a day. i’ve realized that i can’t restrict as much as i used to, im doing so much more harm than good. i’m just gonna stick to a strict meal plan rather then only eating when i’m absolutely starving. tomorrow is supposed to be my weigh in day but idk if i can handle that.

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit

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i think i might take a break from this app for a while. sometimes when i focus too much on food, it makes it harder to stay on track bc the only things i ever think about are food and eating you know? i cant believe in the middle of the best progress i'd ever made, i has a self-appointed cheat day. the month is still young but never fucking again. the goal for the end of the month is to get below 120 which is definitely doable. honestly, maybe i can hit my second goal weight by the end of the month (116.6). despite being disappointed and angry and on the verge of self-loathing, i believe it can happen.

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw ed in the tags #tw weight #tw disordered eating #tw edd #tw ed diet #tw ed rant #edblrr

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i dont even wanna say what my weight was this morning, im fucking disgusted. ideally, i want to fast today but if i cant, im gonna keep it to fruit and veggies, no carbs or sweets. im also gonna take the laxative today. fuck a cheat day, my whole week is fucked up

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw ed in the tags #tw weight #tw edd #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet

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i fucked up. i’m a fuck up. i cannot fall back into a cycle. i fucking cant. it wasn’t a binge, i just lost control for a couple minutes and snacked on some stuff, def didn’t pass 1000 cals but still. i had a fucking plan. i’m a fucking fuck up. i didn’t take the laxative today but if i gain tomorrow i will. also i didn’t have time to workout today so there’s that. fuck fuck fuck

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit

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i’m struggling. every time there’s a temptation in the house i struggle so much. i had a meal i didn’t plan for and it was carb heavy so i’m gonna give myself 100 more cals for the day and im done.

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #tw ana shit #tw ed diet #tw eating issues

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what i ate yesterday

- rice cake w fruit and the tiniest bit of pb

- salad, just veggies

- two donuts

#wieiad #tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #thin$po #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit #tw ana diet

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im gonna blame the fact that i didn't lose as much on the fact that i'm on my period

#tw ana diary #ed bllog #thinnsp0 #tw calories #thiinsp0 #i want to be weightless #tw ana shit