unheard-rambling

[unheard-rambling]

At what point is it fair for me to stop someone else from spewing their plight unto me for the thousandth time. For them to bellow and moan about their current calamity as though it is not my daily life. To witness one ignore my advice and thrust themselves against their problems endlessly and then cry on my shoulder. To propose false solutions that were not even an option to me. And claim cruelty?

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

Formless, and without prose

A bird perched upon a rose

Thorns pointed and bitter

A solemn reminder of winter

Of times gone and spent

Of choices quietly repent

A day upon an hour lost

A dream squandered despite the cost

No chance forgiven

No mistake misgiven

For all we sought

Were consequences wrought

#depressed #ramblings #poetry

[unheard-rambling]

I feel as though every social relationship I enter is damned from the getgo with me filling in some arbitrary role created for me by another. I exist, don't I? Being self-aware that you're using me doesn't make it okay. And empty acknowledgement and apologies while continually keeping me strung halfway off a cliff with you is no way for me to go about my life. Don't burden me with your fall when I let go of the cliffside.

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

The world insists

that what is desired

must persist

behind barbed wire

and window glass

beyond reach

but within grasp

a breath away

forever astray

#ramblings #depressed #poetry

[unheard-rambling]

What a meaningless viewpoint I hold, an adjunct observer separated from the main play. A spectator seeing what will never be. My place is always outside all ties. My life has always been a blur between lines.

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

Too often do I reflect on a conversation I had: where someone genuinely interested in my dreams and aspirations had asked of my goals and ambitions; and in a reluctant response I merely muttered "I've never been allowed to want." Too often now do I see that nothing has changed. My sin is not Envy, for everything others are repulses me. Nor is it Wrath, for I bare no ill will. No, I possess the Gluttony of a starved dog, an emptiness that will consume its surroundings for existing if you let it out of its cage, filth and all.

#ramblings #depressed #gluttony

[unheard-rambling]

At what point does it occur, where one is overcome with the spark, desire, whatever, to include or interact with another individual? Is it spontaneous, a constant nagging? A need to escape oneself? I've never felt it. Any pros of reaching out have always been trampled by the knowledge of what will come. As such I am burdened with only interacting with those who seek, those who will destroy. For these ruinous bonds will only further my aloofness, turning reclusion to repulsion. I see nothing of value within another's soul, for any gain will cost far too much of my own energy in the entropy.

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

I am not human, only an object. Form is function, without function I am pointless, without form, I cease.

#ramblings #depressed #a reminder

[unheard-rambling]

All interactions are transactional. Trust not respect can truly be formed between two souls; all is built on a system of objectification and leverage. Love is not real, it is simply a healthy business relationship.

#ramblings #depressed #humans are disgusting

[unheard-rambling]

I want to stay asleep, in my dreams.

'Cause in my dreams, we're still in love.

'Cause in my dreams, we reconcile.

'Cause in my dreams, I don't resent you.

'Cause in my dreams, I don't give up on you.

#ramblings #depressed #prose #dreams

[unheard-rambling]

The problem I have is fundamentally tied to my relation with the world and how my environment has responded to my existence. I don't see a talking point, perspective or revelation that can mend what has been cripplingly absent or horrifically humiliating in my life

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

Life is meaningless, therefor nothing we do matters. Positive or negative it can be taken either way most would say; live your best life, suffer quietly, the world will turn. But still it stands that purposelessness will send a spiral your way, of unjustifiable calamity. That all will not be known, that none will make sense. That you must deal with with what has been given, chance upon theory upon luck upon chaos. To be so illbegotten to be one of such, to know no respite, to have no hope besides miracle, is it not fair to hate? As pointless as it may be are we not due our fair share of vengeance?

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

I tried, for a long time I tried; to not be filled with malice and spite, jealousy and hate. To see others as worthwhile souls, noble endeavours. A beautiful cause. One I cannot prescribe to, let my wrath spill forth. Let despair cleanse their palate. Perdition is too light a sentence, let them beg for oblivion so they may forget. I want strife. I want damnation

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

Sear my eyes on all sides so they might understand what sin they wrought. Witnessing suffering to such an extent, allowing loneliness to ferment. A fruitless endeavor, a life that long ago should've been severed

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

I regret two things:

Going against my better judgement and not commiting to my attempt and deciding to live out of spite on a bet with myself.

And wasting my time and life falling in love when this world has slammed my face in the dirt over and over screaming that I don't have a future here.

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

The greatest lie that was sold was that we have inherent rights. The rights to be free, to chase our dreams, to live our lives. As though they were a guarantee. No, all life capable of comprehending their surroundings, whether man, animal, or insect, is only owed one true promise via their existence. If left still, we inevitably collapse into suffering under the cruel gravity of our births.

#ramblings #depressed

[unheard-rambling]

I never had pretty words to say, I simply write thoughts into digital ink and watch the sentence segments blur into pixels. Hate and disgust have become a comfort to avoid the reality of how miserable and lonely I am, and at no point do I feel as though there's hope for reprieve. I sit here, not abandoned but blatantly ignored by a world I had no chance in. And I claw these stanzas into the walls of my small cell, in a bleak, fruitless attempt to break through the concrete and stone, to find a breath of fresh air.

#ramblings #depressed