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twitteringthings · 24 days

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Just reposting this because there’s been a lot of talk about Izumi lately!

Who the Heck is This Izumi Chick?!

Besides just being the club mama….

First off, she seems like a kind person and as Kamiya stated, definitely not suited to be wrapped up in the Yakuza-girly lifestyle. I'm going to throw out a few speculations as to what her relationship to Doumeki could be and her importance to the plot. These ideas are based off of theories I have read and my own thoughts/interpretations :)

Doumeki's confidant/friend This does seem out of character for Doumeki but I'll list it as a possibility anyway. Maybe they're just friends and he confides in her about emotional things, his past?. Maybe she knows about everything that happened four years ago. She seems to know things about Doumeki that other characters don't. Like how she seemed confused when Kamiya referred to Doumeki as her boyfriend in Ch. 54. Not to mention that Kamiya says "He's always going over to your house" now I know D doesn't like sex that much, lol - at least with people who aren't Y. And he did mention he usually takes care of that himself. Think about it, if they were just sleeping together or in a relationship, there wouldn't be so much ambiguity surrounding their association with each other - Sensei has ofc done this purposefully! She wouldn't be acting so "weird" about it, if you ask me. Maybe she knows Aoi or helps D keep tabs on his family and gets money to them. idk idk idk, ahhhh! OOOO maybe when after kamiya left and izumi repeated to herself his words, "Not suited, huh." It was something she heard before from someone - D maybe? what could this meannn. What other reason could D have for visiting her all of the time? Do you think she's seen him smile? That would be adorable if it was a friendship. It would definitely be nice, but this is my theory that I think is the most off and doesn't fit the plot/characters. womp womp.

Secret tattoo Artist Not very likely Imo, I feel like a person would have come to the house (I'm not familiar with where irezumi is normally done in the yakuza) to do D's tattoo or he would go to the same person who did Tsukanawa's. I'm not sure if he got the tattoo after he saved Niki - I'm pretty sure he did - but maybe Tsukanawa and the others suggested he get one after his noble feat? Like an emblem. Maybe Tsukanawa offered to pay for it? Also, I saw a post on here that said D's tattoo didn't look finished yet, but I disagree. If that were so, I think Y would have mentioned it or something - or maybe it would be more obvious to the reader that it is still in progress. Y just says, "he went and got a back tattoo" and not something like "The idiot's got a half-baked tattoo on his back." AND if she did tattoos, I'm sure it wouldn't be a secret to everyone else. AND if the reason D was over her apartment all of the time was because of his tattoo that wouldn't make sense because you need time to heal between sessions and his back would be protected with something if he was.

Sex Buddy (turned friend) I could definitely see D attempting to get over Y in some way over the 4 years they were apart - albeit clinging onto hope that one day - somehow - they would reconnect. And during that period, I can imagine him experimenting with another person to "get over" Y (as if) or just to explore his own sexuality in a healthy way - especially as he matured and formed his own identity separate from Y. Maybe it started as sex, and they became friends? I still don't know though, because he is so terrified of being a rapist like his dad with Y, so it's also hard to imagine him - pardon my language - dominating a woman like that. Especially if what happened with Aoi still lingers in his mind. Even though Y tried to comfort him I'm sure he still feels the guilt. Saving Niki may have helped his guilt though - finally being able to successfully protect someone he cares for. ALSO, D denies having a woman when asked by Tsukanawa several times, but when Y assumes he has a woman during their encounter in Ch. 46 he confirms that he does. which is it Doumeki? Sounds suspicious to me. And it's not as if he is too shy to tell his boss that he has a woman, I mean he told Tsukanawa about his jerking off habits soooo.... I think he said this to make Y jealous - he was even looking away from Y with his head hung down as he answered the question...

Plot Driver Assuming my first theory to be true: Maybe something happens with the yakuza plot to where D is in a really bad situation (about the money he stole, Misumi, involvement with Y, disobeying Tsukanawa, current group drama, etc) and Izumi is the one to offer up crucial information about his past that ends up helping him?

A query... In Ch. 46 Izumi asks Kamiya not to spread around rumors of her and D's assumed relationship status because it might cause trouble. My question is why? What kind of trouble? Why would them dating be an issue? Thoughts?

Please share your thoughts also! And be well people <3

Disclaimer: These are purely my own ideas/theories/opinions, and they are all most likely incorrect lol. I'm just having fun speculating about what's to come :D

#please #excuse the wording of the title #I was very passionate when I wrote this lol #I was in serious investigator mode #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #Doumeki #Izumi

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twitteringthings · 24 days

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I think a key to unlocking yashiro’s anxiety with intimacy is for him to see doumeki’s enjoyment in sex come through. doumeki has kept himself in tight control this whole time; clinical, like it was described. with good reason, but it’s not allowing yashiro any room to breathe from the scrutiny. he’s trying but I can’t imagine this makes things any easier for someone so private with his emotions.

but when he sees doumeki’s expression as they position into missionary, he actually laughs and touches the other’s face - he relaxes! he sees doumeki isn’t unaffected! it’s the one part of the chapter where there’s nothing complicated about his reaction.

what I’m saying is, he needs to flick doumeki’s sensitive nipples (as noted in the 2007-2017 fanbook by sensei) or lick an earlobe and watch doumeki’s face contort or moan, and think - oh, I can do that to him. he likes it. and I think this will be a catalyst.

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twitteringthings · 27 days

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@itwearsadress appreciation post!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

#thank youuuuu #you are appreciated #<3

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twitteringthings · 27 days

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twitteringthings · 27 days

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This is one of my favorite illustrations and after chapter 57 it has taken on a new and stronger meaning for me. Yashiro San, Doumeki will not leave you sitting at that window, crying and longing for a love you will never have but you too must lift your head and look at what is in front of you. My heart moves ❤️

01 month and 29 days until chapter 58

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twitteringthings · 28 days

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Lonely | Lonely | All alone

#Remind you of anyone 😭#The song sounds so lighthearted but is actually so depressing #Yashiro #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #please read these lyrics #like damn #I have so much music that reminds me of Saezuru I should post more of it

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twitteringthings · 28 days

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I feel the exact same way about the little nothings that show just how much these characters express their affection. The moment when Yashiro kissed Doumeki on the cheek while he was sleeping, or when D put a cover on Y when he was sleeping on the couch, and how Nana gets so angry at Kamiya for not using the correct honorific for Yashiro all have so much more raw intimacy and endearment attached to them than sex. Thank you for bringing that up!

pertaining to your last paragraph; I agree, sex is not the ultimate love act (imo). And I don’t believe it has ever been for Yashiro, since the moment he was raped and after all the years he’s sought out and endured abuse. Loving and gentle sex alone won’t aid in his internal healing. I don’t think Doumeki understands that their sex breaks Yashiro down even more, resurfaces trauma, is confusing, and they both always ultimately leave unsatisfied in every way. Doumeki thinks they’ve made progress and then he comes back and it’s this “well what the heck man?!” situation (buuut progress was made though is the thing, ugh!)

I can understand Doumeki’s logic about the whole situation though. When Nanahara told D about Y’s traumatic past on the roof of the hospital, I could see how he would think in the future “you’ve experienced and been traumatized by sexual abuse, now what I need to do to help fix you is to give you an experience of how intimacy is supposed to be” (and that’s a very kind thing to want to do for someone you love but it’s not what needs to be done). I know others think that in that scene Doumeki understood why Y started crying or how he could have hurt him (emotionally) when they had sex, but based on his actions recently, I don’t think he did.

I do think the sex they are having is the ultimate love act for Doumeki though, because to have sex and not feel like his father with the person he loves is probably what he needs to be free mentally (idk if that made sense). I feel like he’s using Yashiro to kind of prove that to himself in a way - maybe. He still has his guard up - definitely - but i’m pretty sure this is what he was doing (accompanied with wanting to give Yashiro sex unlike how any other man has) when they first had sex. Doumeki can only operate under his own understanding when it comes to these things, he’s only going off of what he observes and the very little that has been revealed to him. And because of this, he tries to give Y what he thinks will best help ease his mind while also protecting his own heart. Ah this is so good, one of the most realistic stories I’ve read. You can see his frustration after he “gives” Y sex to satiate his desire and he sees him right back to his old habits (taking this as evidence for Y being unchanged). I feel so bad and annoyed at and for D at times, he just doesn’t realize that it’s about sex but my goodness IT’S NOT ABOUT SEX. And it’s not even his fault at all! It’s not like D doesn’t want to understand Y, he’s trying his hardest to in a way he deems best for the moment and in lieu of certain circumstances. Such a paradox and such lovely storytelling! Anyway, It’s pretty obvious that they just need to talk, I’m just trying to sort out why it is that Doumeki always resorts to sex.

Every-time after D leaves or when they’re done having sex, it only leaves Yashiro more broken hearted and with more questions as sad visuals swirl around in his head. Yashiro said it best himself at the end of chapter 57, in spite of all his hangups he inevitably gets lost in pleasure and comfort just by being with Doumeki in the moment. I’m sure he held Doumeki so close in chapter 57 because he knew that when he left, there wasn’t going to be much talking, and all of his fears and negative realizations would come flooding back.

I just realized something also (I may be far off though). I think I understand why I feel like their sexual encounters simultaneously yield progress and hinder growth at the same time, or heal things yet break them even more. I think it has something to do with Yoneda saying that we probably aren’t going to hear Doumeki’s thoughts again in the story. It’s because we do hear them - or see them rather - in a way. We know that Doumeki is a person of action and few words. So to me, their sexual encounters serve more as a representation of Doumeki’s “growth” as a person than Yashiro’s. We already know how Y feels, but these moments of them together like this are kind of the only evidence we have to judge how much Doumeki has grown on an emotional understanding level - pertaining to sex. Not as deeply as to fully understand where Y’s issues stem from but I’m specially speaking about when it comes to being intentional about intimacy and how to react to the smart-ass volatile human he loves. So it’s like the sex makes Yashrio’s negative thoughts worse, but it also opens the door to introspection which signifies growth. And for Doumeki, it allows us to see how he’s trying to do better with understanding Yashrio’s needs (by forcing said “needs” onto him? I’ll come back to this another time), and at the same time not at all helping to reassure Y that he is anything other than a stunted piece of meat. Tragic.

It would be lovely if they could just enjoy each others company like in the past, as you said. Now, I believe Yashiro feels like he’s being used again. This being perpetuated by the fact that Doumkei keeps coming to him (or snatching him up - Y did snatch him up that one time tho), having sex with him, and then leaving. It’s almost like Doumkei is one of those Yakuza guys and Yashiro is a side piece. With how Yashiro sees it. Doumeki is a “fully-fledged” yakuza who appears to be in a relationship with a woman and is coming to see Y in the middle of the night. This is HURTING ME.

Rooting for both of them though, things often get worse before they get better.

These are just some messy thoughts and observations. I refuse to demonize either of them. I believe that things are much deeper than right or wrong or “he’s bad” and “he’s good.” Most people just go off of previous experience, their emotions, and own personal understanding - you can’t fault them for that. If you made it this far, wow ;)

the thing is, there are so many small ways characters in saezuru express love and care that have nothing to do with sex, even if you don't count chapters before the time skip. nanahara telling yashiro to go to a doctor. yashiro telling him that it's not his fault that things ended up the way they did. doumeki wearing gloves just for niki, texting with her and playing games when he visits. yashiro telling nanahara that he had a bad dream. tsunakawa taking doumeki in because niki is a lonely child. nanahara insisting that yashiro should be the first one to take the bath at tsunakawa's despite him being the one excited about it. yashiro choosing to sleep on the couch so doumeki could sleep on the bed. doumeki asking nanahara if there's something wrong with yashiro's health and nanahara not telling him anything, because yashiro told him not to. doumeki not telling izumi about his suspicions so she doesn't worry too much

but with yashiro doumeki always escalates it to sex, and there's so little outside of it now. i just wish he'd let him sleep in his presence in peace. i wish he'd try to talk and listen. i wish they'd just sit in silence and enjoy each other's company for once

at least he still hangs yashiro's clothes

#I don’t know if I’m making any sense #meta #I know this was so long #I didn’t mean for it to be #messy thoughts #Doumeki and yashiro #I may have complexly misinterpreted this LMAOOO #what can you do

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twitteringthings · 28 days

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….😂

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twitteringthings · 29 days

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I’ll say one thing. Thank you for not villanizing Doumeki. I don’t think many realize that this isn’t a story about who’s right or wrong/good or bad. The themes are extremely fragile and heavily nuanced, it is just not that simple. You handle this topic extremely well ~

Yashiro’s Cruel God part one

Disclaimer: this post contains a detailed and straightforward analysis of chapter 25. Doumeki isn’t the villain, if you were worried about that. Actually I must apologize because I wanted to talk about him too, but as usual I started this meta with Yashiro and got carried away. This is also why I am dividing it in parts to avoid having a very very long post. So other parts will hopefully follow to fully elaborate the premise I made. Thank you for understanding. And please take care of your wellbeing, if mentioning Yashiro’s stepfather upset you, maybe skip this one.

Premise: not a matter of perfection but of balance

This person I followed reblogged the Declarations of healthy adulthood by David Richo in big big font and - having only one thought on my mind apparently - I read all that text in Yashiro’s POV. I actually don’t think that this is a perfect model or anything, and I am generally skeptical of self help books (I only assume this is something like it), but why not use this as an example, while considering something that I find interesting about Yashiro and Doumeki? During the discussion about the latest chapter, I said something along the lines of Doumeki representing young love, while Yashiro’s approach has been more mature, and I meant it thinking about Yashiro being aware and cautious about hurting others [and being intentional when he does, since he put a bullet in Doumeki’s leg] and being quite self reliant, and yes I know that he is also afraid of being hurt/loved! in previous posts here, I have mentioned that Yashiro’s acceptance of his past is only-in-part denial or downplaying of trauma, because it has been also a strategy and an impressive sign of his maturity and determination to live in the present. Isn’t it exceptional that Yashiro doesn’t seem all that resentful of his parents? That he openly says that he doesn’t blame others? We have to confront his words always mindful of the fact that he usually is an unreliable narrator, but in many instances he says the truth or half truths and his demeanor confirmed that he did some of what David Richo proposes: I accept full responsibility for the shape my life has taken; I accept that I may never feel I am receiving - or have received - all the attention I seek; One by one, I drop every expectation of people and things; I let go of blame, regret, vengeance, and the infantile desire to punish those who hurt or reject me; No one can or needs to bail me out. I am not entitled to be taken care of by anyone or anything, I let go of control without losing control.

I thought that it was very interesting to consider the Yashiro/Doumeki dynamics from different angles, like older/younger, or even realist/romantic, for example. The point of this experiment isn’t to make a comparison of merit nor to talk about a character in better light than another. Maybe those differences need to be confronted or balanced: for example the realist maybe needs some of the romantic’s idealism to soar and not be stuck on the ground. Yoneda-san might be onto something so human and amazing here. An important clarification is due before saying anything else. As characters that are written as full human beings, with their complexity and contradictions, Yashiro and Doumeki can’t be put neatly into the opposite categories I proposed. The story is much more dynamic, so I ask you to take a further step and put those opposites at the ends of a spectrum and to move our characters freely in both directions. Yashiro tends toward being effectively the older and more realistic one but he has traits that make him move down towards the other end too, even to the extreme of being childish. Consider for example these other statements, from the Declarations of healthy adulthood: I need never fear my own truth, powers, fantasies wishes, thoughts, sexuality, dreams, or ghosts; When change and growth scare me, I still choose them. I may act with fear, but never because of it; I am still safe when I cease following the rules my parents (or others) set for me; If people knew me as I really am, they would love me for being human like them. These points clearly demonstrate Yashiro’s unresolved problems, where he is stuck if you want, and why probably nobody believed me when I pointed at him as being mature (eh, he has his moments tho, you can’t deny that).

I challenge everyone to consider that those four points in particular are quite challenging for most people in general, but particularly so for someone who has fear/betrayal as the foundational principle in their childhood instead of a normal amount even a scarse amount of parental love/safety. And I want to underline childhood here, not teenage years or later.

I need never fear my own truth, powers, fantasies wishes, thoughts, sexuality, dreams, or ghosts. Yashiro here is a mix of contradictions, because he outwardly seems to own those things, even making them a point of his persona, but most of those things are based on the lies he told himself, or his stepfather told him: see this other point

I am still safe when I cease following the rules my parents (or others) set for me. Isn’t this statement extremely helpful to understand Yashiro’s situation? To feel safe he had to build his personality according to the rules of the one who had all the power over him and had already taken away any sense of security from him. This is probably one of those things that can be hard to understand when you have never been there. Most notably, not only in the manga this has been pointed out, but it has been pointed out by Yashiro himself. He is self conscious of this, he knows that he lied to himself as a child, that he had to, and he is constantly choosing to continue lying because that is still the only foundation he has. There was no familial love, no other relative safety. Letting go of the lies actually means going to pieces and breaking down.

This isn’t different from what happens to people who are tortured. Yashiro’s father completely took away any sense of security and safety. The aggravating circumstances were that Yashiro as a child didn’t have any other point of reference or knowledge to understand what was happening with his body and in that state of mind what his father told him had to be the only truth possible. Parents who abuse their children most often don’t even realize what they are doing to its full extent. That’s the immense cruelty of these types of situations. The rules are lies, but the lies are rules to follow to be safe:

You like it when it hurts, right? If it doesn’t hurt, I can’t get into it.

What happened in chapter 25: why now?

Yashiro didn’t want to have sex with Doumeki and said so repeatedly. Doumeki has grown on him, behind liking his physical appearance or using him as a substitute for Kageyama: Yashiro truly liked this person and he liked that Doumeki was impotent. Thanks to that, Yashiro grew comfortable around Doumeki and with comfort and safety comes familiarity. When Yashiro discovered that the impotence was gone, he was angry and terrified. They had become too close and now the premise has changed and Yashiro couldn’t trust Doumeki or himself anymore. I won’t analyze here the scene in the shower but I’ll skip to the point. Doumeki only understood that his love was required, that he was wanted and stopped thinking. He acted passionately like any young person who had a normal foundation in love would. He didn’t understand anything that Yashiro asked or why there were mixed signals and what it all meant. He pushed and hurt and broke without being aware of what he was doing.

And Yashiro was trapped in a situation he had tried to escape from his all life: with a person who felt familiar, a person he loved and relied on, in the safety of a home, who wanted sex and was going to do what he wanted regardless of what Yashiro had to say. Yashiro desperately tried to control what was happening through usual patterns, making it hurt, asking Doumeki to do from behind, detaching the sex from his emotions, but he couldn’t and for the first time in his life sex was different from what he knew, because while Yashiro had loved his stepfather, his father didn’t love him and he didn’t treat him like Doumeki did. And every lies built around his father’s abuse came to the surface. Including the fact that his father never loved him. Doumeki broke him indeed because he broke through the lies/rules upon which Yashiro had intentionally built his entire personality/safety. And he wasn’t ready for it, he specifically said he didn’t want it, he had known all along, he already knew when men before Doumeki tried to make love to him and when he built a strategy to specifically avoid being confronted with those lies/rules. He didn’t love those men. He did love Doumeki though. But once again Yashiro didn’t have a choice. And he was physically hurt and recovering after being shot and knowing his life was in danger outside of that room. He had just discovered that Doumeki lied about being impotent the previous time he touched him in the car and before that. It was probably the worst timing possible for making love. At some point Yashiro grew resigned and even reciprocated a little, reaching for Doumeki, caressing his face, and he even reassured him before he fell asleep. There were words that Doumeki said that Yoneda didn’t disclose fully, choosing instead to immediately took us in the flashback with Yashiro. I think it is probable that what Doumeki said was something that Yashiro’s father had said and that we are going to confront before the end of the manga. I personally want to know these words more than what Yashiro said while an airplane passed by and Doumeki was unconscious. Morbid maybe on my part.

I have stated that I am not going to make Doumeki a villain here. The point of this analysis is just to see where Doumeki was in terms of maturity. To be continued…

#This 100%!!!!!#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru analysis #yashiro #Can’t wait for more of your thoughts on this #Beautifully and thoughtfully written #Thank you!

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