twistedstaircase

[twistedstaircase]

forget Resting Bitch Face, I have Resting Competent Face. People see me and think ah yes she can point me to the nearest train station. Fellow grocery shoppers ask if I know what kind of butter they should buy. If a strange man speaks to me on the street it is literally always an inquiry and never a catcall. Once someone randomly asked me what an equinox was and after I told her she nodded and said "you seemed like you'd know." why am I assigned oracle at random interaction

#I get this all the time #but I never know anything #AND I have zero inclination to have any sort of social interaction with strangers #so it’s generally a brief yet uncomfortable experience

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...he is weaving the chocolate. Do you copy, this bitch is WEAVING CHOCOLATE

#the chocolate guy #absolutely lost for words here

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I will unapologetically attack anyone with boops. You haven't got one? Get booped. You don't know me? Booped. You know me very well? You're in the line of fire, get booped bitch. You boop me? You opened Pandora's Box and they're all boops. Any and all my blogs are not safe from the wrath that is my boops. Watch yourself

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Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops

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big day on tumblr for people who like to press buttons indiscriminately

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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

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Friend and I are debating whether something is common knowledge or not.

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My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

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You are Gaius Julius Caesar, and it's a lovely day in March.

#ides of march #fairies? they might exist #walruses probably are too #but surely Brutus would never… #wait… is that… a KNIFE?!?!!!

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🎉🔪🔪🔪YES🔪🔪🔪🎉

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meet me in the senate caesar

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#shitpost #let’s try march I guess #march 1st: raised by necromancer #march 2-14: looking good… #march 15th: hey guys wait a sec #WTF WHY HAVE YOU ALL GOT KNIVES

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ITS MARCH YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

#*stabs you* #random other blog: *stabs you* #mutual:*also stabs you* #follower: *stabs you* #mutual’s mutual’s follower: *stabs you too* #follower’s mutual’s mutual’s follower’s mutual: *stabs you* #and on and on until you’re just one big stab wound and all of tumblr’s had a turn #did I mention you’re Julius Cesar? #no? #you’re Julius ceasar by the way #*stab*

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love getting occasionally jumpscared by an ancient tumblr post just popping up on my dashboard, just running rampant in the wild

Tumblr Code.

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Thoughts that are mutual between cats and their people:

Yeah you're cute when you sleep but you didn't let me sleep either so I'm going to annoy you now because I'm bored. Hahah get poked, sleepy idiot.

How do you not comprehend this when I am literally staring at you. Like I understand that your brain can't understand things this nuanced but come on, how do you not get this.

I don't know if you know that what I am currently doing is an expression of affection, but that won't stop me. Knowing that I showed you that I love you is enough.

I heard a crinkly material and the sound of you chewing so I have to know what's in your mouth RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I can't communicate with you and you can't communicate with me, so I'm just copying the tone of the sound you're making in hopes that you understand that I try.

You are doing activities beyond my comprehension, and I find this fascinating. I will never understand what the fuck you are trying to achieve here, but I am intrigued nonetheless.

Hey are you ok, you haven't done your weird thing in a while. Yeah I don't get why you do that but I know you do that when you're ok.

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#shitpost #valentines day #it's actually wednesday this is perfect

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I really think Rasputin lucked out, in that being remembered by history as some species of giant unkillable sex wizard is something most of us can only fruitlessly aspire to.