tubbytom

[tubbytom]

4/3

My sex is so unreal its like I’m living in a hentai oh my, I’m a magnet to these senpais I work full time to try to be a nice guy I’m no otaku dude I become aku between your thighs I was born with dreadlocks in and out of wedlock I’m a Barney rebel I will make your bedrock put me in a headlock leave your body shell shocked the koopa king is here gonna pound ya like a whomp block Dive in to that pussy like I’m uncle scrooge tounge punch your clit leave your labias juiced i just wanna be used expect to leave bruised refuse no abuse let me recluse

[tubbytom]

4/2

I wanna run away, to LA Where the sun never ever ever, fades away I play music all day, never get paid Party all night, then go catch some wave

Every crowd I’m in I feel alone So I’m in a bar, I write these bars Down in my phone Oh, another punk rock show who’s getting called out? I gotta know? Is it the boy with the sloppy jew fro weak flow, and kinda of a creep tho? I’ve never creeped though. Temper runs high, but I steep my tea low wait for steelo, on the radio, turn it to 88 tune into the record sto bout to make a heel move gotta keep it on the d-low catch heat like thermal paste have my mind erased replaced with the taste of someone not disgraced maybe I’ll finally get GG Allin maybe I’ll stop trying to be Jimmy Fallon Mark Summers or Drew Carey I’m barely able to commit to things that are scary Ive had the discussion Friends think i’m rushing Into a red trap Say the city is crap Everyone raps and when you get on stage Everyone will laugh

Oh here’s another white boy Here come the slaps He worked on a field doesn't hit dabs

Thinking hes hard Like he came from chiraq But a sadboy from st louis Cause we knew he ran I wanna run away, to LA Where the sun never ever ever, fades away I play music all day, never get paid Party all night, then go catch some wave

I spent 18 months evading 18 running wasting 18 months preying now 18 months chasing

depraved self-enslaving through cravings of remaining, amongst people I thought were saving me, from myself now I’m caving from the pressure but just maybe One battle at a time with every enemy I’m facing take the next shot time to head to phase b Praise THEE I am no longer your Martyr I have nothing left to barter nothing left to be apart of

[tubbytom]

4/1

I’m Seth Rogen Seth Seth Rogen Can’t stay focused my mind is eroding everyone always thinks I’m smoking I’m that joking fat token fake jew from hoboken New jersey, picked up from the village my mind’s always racing so I can’t think clearly I’m more fucked than zack and miri my life is a nightmare going down a rabbit hole like I’m donnie darko at least I can park tho I bought a gross of condoms She wont end up knocked up we freak and geeking bad neighbors locked up

[tubbytom]

Life leaks

Drip drip drip your faucet leaks I speak to you we need a replacement an arrangement with a plumber you seems stunned since it’s almost summer it’s in your duty to make me feel dumber “the leak will be fine hook up the line let it sprinkles from the extention don’t mention this again” a small pool fills out of the rusted out pores of the sprinkler it doesnt shoot it pours out grass turned to mud mud turned into a breeding ground of mosquito i then again mention the crack and you crack at me with, well just wrap it up I buy sealant to seal it, you tell me to seal it and we wrap it up. This isn’t my problem, i’m just trying to help this is the point where I end up with a 3rd welt one from slipping in the puddle on the side walk one from trying to talk one from those damn pesky ass mosquitos the pressure builds slightly the gun was on tightly now it leaks from the threads the fissure in the pipe “I���m fed up with this, It’s not with fixing” it’s just a bandaid on a seeping wound no amount of neosporin can fix a bullet hole fall turns to winter and I turn bitter my mouth taste like iron and that damn iron is rusted out the drip turns into an icicle I wake to the main breaking in our backyard we can now go ice skating the foundation is ruined and that $30 dollar fix just turned into $3000 you want to take it out on me but I’m the one with this eroded hose and faucet you try to explode, but theres a moat between you and I and thats what keeps me afloat I toss the faucet at your feet and as you point at me I asked who caused this? You’re at a loss for words loss of a backyard loss of sprinkler that rotted the hell out loss of a friendship because that did too. it wasn’t my problem I was just trying to help.

#nationalpoetrymonth

[tubbytom]

Oops

Forever searching for my mantra soul crushed like a montster truck crushing a honda take my mind to the bahamas blindfolds screaming I don’t wanna wholly mammoth in a banana hammock it just happens that I’m a sad sack of shit who lets thoughts slip my words are jagged i stop my tail from waggin tell you a life story but I avoid from bragging brandy stained sheets she came over last night not proud of these feats she came over to fight you don’t want the full deats she over came the plight we made up and it beats she comes and I might revolve in a vicious orbit around the center of miss universe revolver covered in my spit thoughts escape, mind dispersed

[tubbytom]

Angel (draft one)

I feel you in the car on the passenger side as I keep trucking no ones along for the ride we split at the fork and somehow we both died we found paradise parasites needs a host I gave you my all when you needed it the most you are the angel and I am the ghost i searched for redemption found a hole in my heart an endless bloody trail cant trace where it'd start won’t stop now or else im damned this is where my paths and pasts depart stuck in purgatory as you ascend I just need a patch so I don’t sink again I lost a lover where I gained a friend the light you shine blinds me the worst i made the decision to diverge

a burst of energy is what I was served combining it with lessons that I have learned a curse laid upon me but the scars I’ve earned

wont keep me down sometimes deterred I’ve kicked I’ve screamed just to be heard searching for fulfillment for my broken soul I’ll find it in myself so I can feel whole I don’t have the answers yet I’ll keep driving day to day with momentum like this no one can take my smile away I may be a ghost in this plane all alone I just need thicker skin and a few bones check the side mirror and see how I’ve grown make a few turns to stay on the bend I wont be here to long i’ll be the next to ascend I am no angel but I have demons to fight try to pin me to the ground as I try to take flight sunrise is my ally as I hide at night thanks for the push when I needed it the most off of the cliff and into the coast angel of death and the friendly ghost

[tubbytom]

Fear of completion

5am again, kinda on a schedule, started passing out last night while watching Vice around 9:30. I want to blame it on something else, like depression, but really, if I can get some sleep, I'll take it. Issue with that is working from 8am-11pm, if not later. I remained more chipper than I should of yesterday, I think it was starting to write this shit out again. If I let the thoughts escape they won't bother me anymore, at least that's what I like to believe. Lets go chronological. Journaled out my shit, went to work around 8:30. It got busy, real quick, people stormed our doors at Toys R Us. I was helping out a good amount of customers around the store, giving people overrides, then I was sent to the trenches. I was put in as a cashier. I have my system down, it's unorthodox, but so is a store closing. After 2 hours of ringing straight I look up and our store is packed with people waiting to ring out, nearly shoulder to shoulder, it's so loud from the talking, yelling and whining that I can't hear my walkie talkie. 2 more hours go by of ringing before I get my lunch. At this point I have about 2 hours before my departure. At this point I help customers put swing sets in cars, do some price checks, get out video games, the usual. The snow is just coming down though. Still, not a bad day. I still got peeved at customers who wanted to price check every items, but then the cool customers had a laugh at me. I'm not going to allow struggles to get to me when I can have a good time. My depression feeds of my weaknesses and insecurities. That little voice that says I have to win. I have to be the best. How do you fight a store? I don't need to be a better person than my Ex. We can both be great people. I will make my job fun while it's still around. I have grieved my store closing and now I am at peace. It's fun for the next few weeks. There's a part of me that wants to put blame or make an excuse. I want to victimize myself. Not this time. I am not going to trample over another person to get somewhere. I want to focus so much right now on bettering myself, for me. I know what I want out of myself, I know my potential and only I can stop myself. It's real easy to do. I've had success in the past, I just failed to keep up with it. I am self-destructive. So what are my To-Dos at this point? To Do List: Get my ticket information dealt with then no longer worry about that shit. Deal with the physical clutter I've built up while living in my House. Organize, donate, trash and recycle. Time consuming, but easy. Fasfa, and apply for UMSL. I need school back in my life, I like direction and a push from a community to improve my creative works. Apply for some more damn jobs. Interviews are nice but nothing is definite. Get my Mixtape on cassette. Chill the fuck out and play video games. I don't give myself the time to and I should. I just have a big collection of discs and machines if I don't. Keep working out, buy running shoes and keep cutting. Finally. Figure out what my next step in life is. Video Game designer? My life long dream? Opening a small business with my friends? It's not being a pizza driver and professional rapper.

[tubbytom]

And lent begins.

Since middle school I've challenged myself for lent, not because I'm catholic. Because I'm not. But it's a set time to compete with other people at someone. It's also a great time to flush all the bad shit out of my system. I'm giving up is soda, candy, fast food and meat. Meat is always challenging because I love it so much and my body craves it. Definitely since I work out, but thats the thing, I want to find and experiment different forms of protien, shit whats the harm of trying new beans and nuts? Plus I'm still eating eggs and plain yogurt. So yeah, this year I'm attempting a homemade vegetarian diet. There are two occasions where I will cheat, the wedding I'm attending this weekend (3/8) and next week when I go to Plush because they're food is rad (hipstery fusion shit) chances are I can stick to lent there but it's not healthy food regardless of veggie options. Now I'll post what I eat, if I make something killer I'll post a recipe up. (3/5) Breakfast-8oz left over smoothie, plain reg yogurt, a little almond milk, water, strawberries, raspberries blueberries, a shit load of spinach. Lunch-salad, cabbage, tomato, black beans, avacado, a little bit of jalapeno, onions and green tabasco. So fucking good, no dressing needed fatties. Dinner-3 eggs with a tablespoon of spaghetti sauce, no meat obvs. I'm feel guilty for using tomato sauce but it's gonna go bad and shits expensive. (3/6) Breakfast-oats, frozen peaches water and a little bit of almond milk. Just made oatmeal. Tasted like peach cobbler tho. #gocarbs

#lent #health #diet #torture

[tubbytom]

[tubbytom]

6 months in St. Louis (190.6)

TL;DR (I am happy, but have room to improve my life style) I don't know what it is about typing all this bullshit out, but it helps me progress through life. At this point, I don't give a shit who reads it, maybe someone laughs at me, with me, I encourage some one or no one reads it at all. I just know I am bound to keep repeating the same mistakes until I fix what's going on in my life. There is no easing into things. I moved 6 months ago today and it wasn't until a few days ago that I was able to conquer that feeling of doom. That feeling that I'm going to have to revert back, that nothing will ever be as good as it once was.

What has happened over this 6 month period? I got a job and lost it 5 months later. I was fired for the first time ever. I now have a new job that I start in 2 days. I moved out of my mom's to a couch for 2 months then into a house with 3 friends. I now pay rent and bills and food. I don't have the sum of money I once saved up but I'm getting by and that's fine enough for me. 1 month and 1 day ago I received my Drivers License for the first time and through the help of a friend have fixed up a drivable vehicle that I will own today. I've made new friends and bonded closer to some of my older friends. Friends that encourage me to be happy and just be myself. Through out those friend I found a girl that truly likes me for me, which is a mutual feeling. Through out starting a relationship with her, I knew there would be consequences and I have worked my hardest to solve those and I'm still working on that. The Acid Kat movement has allowed my to express myself through out different outlets whether that be rapping, MCing or designing the zine. With more projects to come. Through out these events dull moments are rare, and when they are there, I just have something to look forward to. So for me, right now. Life is looking fucking great.

Vacation time is over though. I decided this previous weekend would be my last "fuck it" weekend for a while. Sure I have been at the gym a lot over the last few months, but through drinking and eating garbage I have once again started to let myself go. I stepped off the scale in the gym at 190.6. I was 20 lbs lighter in april and about 15 lbs lighter this summer. No more soda, no more alcohol, no more garbage. Sure, there's Thanksgiving and other holidays coming up, but I'm going to control myself. I reward myself too much when I haven't done anything, it's causes an addiction feeling that needs to stop. So I got the chinese food out of the way, hot wings, burgers. Now it's back to the healthy shit. And in another aspect it's time to get a real job. I am working on becoming a substitute teacher, but I feel it's time for me to also start looking for a design job at a firm. Sure I'm getting by, but my clothes are getting ratty, I can't afford the healthier food I want, like fresh produce daily, spoil my girlfriend occasionally even if it annoys her and I am using a friend's car, even if I own it. So it's back to tumbling, not sure how often I'll write, at least weekly but this is a start.

[tubbytom]

So happy. Post #600 amazing wedding @maisyg

#600

[tubbytom]

#art #nofilter

#nofilter #art

[tubbytom]

Latest home addition. #wwf #royalrumble #manwork #conan #shawnhouse #win

#win #manwork #shawnhouse #wwf #conan #royalrumble

[tubbytom]

#midnight #arcade #move

#move #midnight #arcade

[tubbytom]

#breakingbad party. Odums mom made candy meth.

#breakingbad

[tubbytom]

Family lunch at shawn house. Watching ecw esting china king. #noco life

#noco

[tubbytom]

Cup of the day.