thethingswrongwithme-blog

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

A lot can happen in a year

October

He sits at his favorite coffee shop. Orders tea with milk and honey, the way he always does. She walks past him, the scent of lavender dragging behind her. Blue eyes, vampire smile, but she doesn’t look like a monster. She orders tea with ice. She glances at him. This is a woman he needs to know.

November

They talk everyday. He asks her out. He exhales her name and waits to hear her voice. She says yes. He starts ordering his tea with ice.

December

He kisses her under the falling snow. She tastes like blueberry cheesecake. She’s like a delicate flower that he gets to hold. She is a hurricane that’s filling his lungs. She keeps her heart behind bars. She’s been hurt too many times before.

January

They build a snowman together and drink lots of hot cocoa. She smells like warm lavender. They’re wrapped in a thick blanket. She runs her fingers over his arms like the old type-writer in her room that she’s always hunched over. He pulls her close and plays with her hair. They make love for the first time.

February

She stays home on Valentine’s day and doesn’t answer her phone. Her dad calls him the next day and tells him she almost drank herself to death. She says Valentine’s Day isn’t for her. She says that love died long ago for her.

March

He still takes his tea with ice. Her voice turns cold, losing its warmth. He doesn’t understand. She smiles at him with a cigarette between her teeth. He gets a haircut and she doesn’t like it too much but that same night she grabs his hair and he screams her name.

April

No phone calls. No texts. He goes to her apartment to see if she’s okay. He smells another man’s cologne in the air. She grabs his arm and shoves him out the door. She is telling him to fuck off. She says he was never good enough, that he was a better fuck.

May

He drinks coffee instead of tea. He locks himself away in his room. He tears pictures of them apart. He takes scalding hot showers, trying to rub her lavender scent off. He checks Facebook. Taken, but not by him. He curses her new boyfriend and cries himself to sleep.

June

He still smells lavender even though he’s holding another girl’s hand. Her eyes don’t glitter the same as hers. Her touch is sloppy. She thinks she’s a good writer when she really just gets drunk and writes bullshit. She’s not her. She’s not her. She’s not her.

July

He cuts his hair. He cuts his hair until there’s nothing left because he knew how much she loved to touch it. He dresses differently and gets tattoos. He smiles when he can, and cries when he needs to. He drinks coffee now. Sometimes he sees someone that looks exactly like her. His stomach twists. His heart throbs. Please come back. Please come back.

August

She posts a picture of her and her new boyfriend. He blocks her. He still has dreams about her. He still thinks about her. He doesn’t feel like ripping himself apart. He knows that he will someday love again. He learns that loving himself is not the same as narcissism.

September

There are flowers growing around his ribcage, where there once was dust. He is true smiles and honest giggles.

October

He sits at his favorite coffee place. He wonders if she remembers the day they first met. He orders tea with milk and honey. He can’t smell lavender anymore. Everything is okay. This is a new beginning.

-Kris Roberta Charleston

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

Everyday my heart sinks further and further into the pool of acid and bile you left behind. You were every bit of happiness I could ever have hoped for. I love you. I still care. I still wish it was me you came to. It breaks me to see you happier elsewhere. When you walked away I was angry. Now I just feel cold and broken and guilty. I know that it's my fault. And I can't fix it. And I just don't know how to cope with any of this. How am I supposed to move forward from the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. How.

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

she is not in love with you

my love,

but rather she is in love

with the idea of love,

and marriage,

and children.

she does not believe

that she deserves better than you

my love,

so she continues on

in a relationship

that has traumatised her.

she will never leave you

my love,

since you are

all she has ever known.

you will have to be the one

who breaks things off with her,

because she is not strong enough

to do it for herself.

if you truly love her,

allow her to be with someone

who will provide her

with what she truly deserves:

fidelity,

kindness,

and most of all,

happiness.

with you,

she will never have these.

with another,

she will have the chance.

a.m.m, 2:00am

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

someday

the pain i feel

will diminish

to the point where

i barely think of him

and what i felt for him.

someday

i will be in love

with someone

who deserves my love

rather than someone

who uses it.

someday

i will be successful,

and happy,

and full of life,

and he will look at me

while thinking to himself:

“what have i done?

i made a mistake

to hurt her

in such a way.

i made a mistake

to have lied to her

and tortured her

with my lack of love.

i made a mistake.

a horrible mistake.”

a.m.m, 6:32pm

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

I wanted this to be us. I tried for so long to prove to you that I would be there through anything but you were taking too much out of me. you took something from me that I can never get back and now I can’t wait. I deserve better.

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

i feel as if we’ve been

running circles around each other

for centuries.

in each of our

past lives,

we were caught

in between

passion and logic,

unable to be together.

perhaps

in our most recent

past life,

i was the one

who was hard to reach

and you were the one

reaching for me,

but not

catching.

perhaps

each of our lives

is karma

for not

returning affection,

and in each life,

the tables turn.

i would do anything

to break the cycle.

my love,

if you ever

get the chance:

run away with me

and forget consequence,

because love

doesn’t follow the rules.

a.m.m, 12:43am

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

no matter how wrong

i know it is to love you,

my heart still yearns

for your love.

no matter how much

you love her,

my heart still hopes

you’ll love me.

no matter how defeated

i feel over you,

my heart still continues

loving you.

a.m.m, 1:02am

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

follow me on instagram here

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

the saddest thing is to be a minute to someone, when you’ve made them your enternity

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

i really am, from the bottom of my heart, an actual fucking idiot

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

I know now  why i was the one that was sad and cried his heart out..

because you gave yours away to someone else

#words

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]

Death is easy. To live is the most painful thing I could imagine and I’m weak and no longer willing to fight.

Hannah Wright (via depresseddisneyprincess)

[thethingswrongwithme-blog]