themoonfoundmythoughts

[themoonfoundmythoughts]

Personal Journey

In the days of high school, I was that shy, awkward teenager yearning for friendship and approval from the elusive cool kids. No matter how hard I tried, I felt ignored and invisible.

But then, everything changed when I got my first smartphone – the gateway to the world of social media. I started posting things, hoping to catch someone's attention. I slid into the DMs of random people, leaving birthday wishes on countless profiles, all in the quest for validation. That tiny acknowledgement on social media felt like a rush of self-worth. But deep down, the emptiness and loneliness remained.

College came, and my obsession with social media intensified. Hours vanished as I reached out to strangers online, perpetually hunting for new sources of validation. My studies and well-being suffered. Depression and anxiety became my constant companions. The more I sought approval online, the worse I felt about myself offline. Little did I know that social media was fueling my insecurities rather than soothing them.

Determined to change, I started hitting the gym daily, pushing my slender frame to become stronger. I dived into uplifting books, journaling my emotions, and took up hobbies like art and dance to find joy. It was tough, but it was necessary for personal growth.

And then it hit me – the need to be the best version of myself, not for anyone else, but for me. I gazed inward, lost in thought.

Fast forward to today, I find myself in a much better mental space, though not without its challenges. A miraculous twist led me to a wonderful girlfriend who loves me for who I am. We met six months ago through the same platform I once used to seek attention.

The story of how we met is a tale of patience and courage. She initially ignored me for nearly a year, but in the winter of 2022, she posted a sketch that prompted me to reply with all the guts I could muster. We continued talking, but I had secretly harboured a crush on her since the fall semester of 2022. I never approached her directly; instead, I just admired her by liking her stories, especially the ones where her face shone through.

In March 2023, our college reopened, and we continued our conversations online. Then, it happened. One day, our paths crossed on campus. Our eyes met for a fleeting second as we passed each other – her class had just ended, and I was headed to mine. I waited anxiously for a message, fearing she would be put off by my "ugly face." Hours went by without a response, and I sighed in relief, convinced she hadn't seen me.

Then, out of the blue, her reply came. She saw me, but she didn't run away; she continued to talk. I felt a renewed sense of hope and decided to approach her about meeting in person. She was shy and initially declined, but fate had other plans.

One day, we accidentally met in the same spot, and she touched me to check my fever, a topic I had mentioned online. Over the next few weeks, we grew closer. On April 17th, I mustered the courage to meet her outside her class. What followed was an awkward encounter – her friends pushed her towards me, she playfully ran away, fell to the floor, and then suddenly tried to drag me and push me in a fun, shy, and somewhat aggressive manner. It was cute and made me fall for her even more.

As her birthday approached on April 20th, I decided to propose at midnight. It took me 90 minutes to decide what to post on my story and in her DMs. The fear of rejection nagged at me, but I gathered my courage and sent the message. She saw it but left me on "seen," and I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was overjoyed to find that she said yes.

Her friends organised a surprise birthday party, and I surprised her with a cake. We've now been together for six months, and I love her more than anything. She accepts me for who I am and never critiques my appearance, although I want to change for myself and for her. She validates me, talks to me when no one else did in my life, wishes me a happy birthday, and gave me my first birthday cake and gifts.

Through this journey, I've come to realise that self-acceptance must begin with moments of solitude. I still occasionally seek attention on social media, posting gym pics and photography but I've learned that it's essential to put your well-being first and maintain detachment from others' opinions.

#love #self discovery #personal growth #loveandacceptance