I Am A Willing Victim
Looking for a cavern
A place where she can stay
"Hello."
I pulled out an earbud and looked up from my book. Staring back at me was a grinning woman. Her long brunette hair was braided over her shoulder, her brown eyes were big and shiny, her lips were pink and full. In short, she was beautiful. I closed my book.
"H-hi?"
She giggled, I blushed.
When she leaves obsessed to make her way to me
"I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. You know, you're very cute."
I blushed deeper, flabbergasted.
She just smiled once more, holding out her hand.
"Give me your number, I'd like to get to know you better."
I handed her my phone.
When I got it back, I had a new contact: ♥Kaitie♥
Needless to say, I was excited.
Because it's getting to the time when she will need to feed and
We moved in together after two months and had a shared bank account. We got a puppy after three months.
We didn't know a lot about each other, but I knew she loved me. I knew I loved her. I'd do anything for her. Give her anything she asked. Pamper her and cook for her when she'd come home from a long day of work.
I didn't mind that we didn't go out on dates as much as we used to. She was tired, she didn't wanna go out.
I am the willing victim of a cannibal
"You should quit your job, work from home."
I paused washing the plate in my hand and spun.
She looked so serious and tired, I couldn't bear to argue.
"Okay."
She rips out my bones just like I'm an animal
"God, this spaghetti is disgusting. You add too much salt."
I swallowed my forkful of noodles.
"I tried to make it the way you like it-"
Katie raised her voice slightly, I shrank myself so as to not provoke her. "You'd think that you'd be better at cooking, given that you don't even work anymore. I do so much to provide for us, and I come home from a long day of work. Only to be served oversalted spaghetti."
I held back tears.
"I'm sorry."
She sighed and dropped her fork loudly on her plate. I flinched. She stood from her chair.
"Whatever, I'm going to bed."
And right when I'm feeling like my blood is drained
"I'm not gonna be treated like this anymore. I'm breaking up with her."
My closest friend, Bradly, smiled and rubbed my shoulder.
"Good on you. This is a good thing, Taylor."
I nodded.
She calls it a game
I closed the front door, back from meeting Bradly.
Katie stood from where she was seated on the couch. She fidgeted slightly. I crossed my arms, trying to be stern. I was gonna break up with her. I was gonna do it.
"I'm sorry."
I was shocked. I'd never heard her sound so remorseful and sad. I surged forward and engulfed her in a warm hug.
As she sobbed, I whispered into her dark hair.
"It's okay. I forgive you. I'm sorry too, I know how hard it is for you. I'll try harder."
But the wound that she leaves is unmistakable
I held my phone against my cheek, nervous.
"Yeah, sorry I can't go to your party. I'm working on my spaghetti recipe."
Bradly chuckled through the receiver.
"You're working on your spaghetti recipe? Why? Your spaghetti is legendary. I have dreams about that spaghetti."
I laughed tiredly. I spoke in a small voice because I knew Katie was in the other room.
"Katie didn't like it, so I have to fix it, okay?"
Bradly stopped chuckling.
"Katie? But I thought you were gonna-"
"I know, I know. I just- She's going through a tough time, I can't just leave her."
Bradly was quiet for a moment. He sighed.
"Just... make sure to leave her if you ever feel uncomfortable. You can always stay at my place, you know."
I sighed, not bothering to explain to him again why I had to stay. I'd been doing that for the last two months.
"Okay, I know. I'll talk to you later, I really do wanna work on my recipe."
I am not the only one that she has come to see
Dig up the skeletons of men who thought that they would be the
One like me
Like they could be the ones to make her believe
I untied my apron, exhausted from cooking all day. The front door burst open. The sound of giggling traveled into the kitchen. Intrigued, I walked into the foyer.
Katie had her arms wrapped around the neck of a rather tall man. I shifted nervously, waiting for her to introduce us.
Eventually, they noticed me and separated themselves from each other. Katie took a step forward, dragging the man with her.
"Taylor, this is my... good friend Garret. Garret, this is who I was telling you about."
Garret held out his large hand, I took it tentatively.
"It's a pleasure to meet you." His voice was deep and smooth and... attractive.
I gulped down my jealousy and smiled. "Likewise."
After exchanging pleasantries we all sat down at the dinner table to eat the brisket I'd been barbequing. They talked about all the antics they got up to. I didn't talk much, content with just listening.
"I need to go to the little ladies room, you two get along."
Garret just laughed, I chuckled nervously. I shoveled some more meat into my mouth just to busy myself. All the while, Garret gazed at me like I was a zoo animal.
After a moment or two, he leaned across the table and smiled kind of timidly.
"So... how do you do it?"
I tilted my head questioningly, still chewing.
He just laughed again, this time a little tenser. "I mean, how do you deal with her all the time? When Katie and I were dating, she tried to dictate everything in my life and force all my friends away and whatnot. She was super controlling and her mood swings were off the fritz. She over-criticized everything I did and judged me immensely. So, how do you do it? What are you doing that I didn't do?"
I just gulped and chuckled nervously. I rubbed the back of my neck and avoided his gaze.
"Oh, well... she's not like that with me. She must've changed a bit since the last time you two talked."
Garret just leaned back and took a sip from his drink.
"She must've."
Before I could reply, Katie came back from the restroom.
But for now,
I waved goodbye to Garret. He had slipped his contact in my phone when Katie was looking for wine. He told me to call him if Katie did anything. My phone weighed me down with guilt. The contact was burning me.
"Oh, babe."
Katie glanced up from the television before going back to her show.
"What?"
"Garret gave me his number."
I winced, that sounded so much worse than I wanted it so sound. Now, she's gonna get mad. She's gonna break up with me. She's gonna leave me. Like I deserve. Like the trash I am.
"...Delete it."
I am the willing victim of a cannibal
"I don't want you talking to Bradly anymore. He's always getting into bad stuff. I just think he's a bad influence on you."
I was confused. "That's not true. Bradly's a lawyer. He never gets into bad stuff. What are you talking about?"
She fumed. "Look, just- I don't like him. So you have to ask yourself who you love more, me or him? Because if it's him, there's the door."
She pointed at the door.
I furrowed my eyebrows. Bradly and I had been friends for years. He's always been there for me.
But now, Katie was there for me. I didn't need him.
I nodded sadly. "I- I love you more."
Katie dropped her hand that was pointing to the door and crossed her arms.
"Good. Now go tell him that."
She rips out my bones just like I'm an animal
"What?"
Bradly's voice rang through the phone, clear as a bell. I choke down tears and try to sound stern.
"I-I I don't-"
Katie grows tired of my stuttering and snatched my phone out of my hands.
"He doesn't wanna be friends with you anymore! Leave us alone! If I ever see your face here again, I'm calling the cops!"
With that, she hung up and threw my phone onto the mattress.
And right when I'm feeling like my blood is drained
She reached over to give me a kiss. I flinch away from her.
She calls it a game
"What's wrong, babe? I'm doing this for us. This is a good thing."
But the wound that she leaves is unmistakable
I looked up at her. She seemed so genuine. She was doing this for us, so I could focus more on our relationship.
I gulped and forced a smile.
"Nothing's wrong."
She smiled and kissed me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
Hiding in corners disguised
She's a phantom, a glimmer inside
We had dinner parties where she'd invite all of her good... friends.
She acted like she was so in love with me, at least in front of them. She obviously didn't wanna worry any of her friends about her problems.
Those were good nights. Filled with easy smiles and lots of laughter.
She keeps on feeding while I am conceding
She stood abruptly, knocking over her chair. I jumped and cowered in my seat.
She stomped to the foyer and threw the door open wide.
"W-where are you going?" I let out softly.
"Away from you."
She slammed the door so hard, a picture frame was knocked off the wall. I held my head in my hands and cried, trying to think of what I did to make her feel this way. I wished I could call Bradly, but he'd never forgive me.
How could he? I blocked his number.
So please won't you tear me open wide
I didn't sleep that night. I sat on the couch in the living room and waited for her to come back.
When she did come back, she seemed... not right.
She noticed me sitting on the couch and jumped slightly.
"What're you doing out here? Were you waiting for me?"
I nodded slowly.
She burst into tears and ran over to hug me.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. This won't happen ever again. Please forgive me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
I sank into her abdomen.
"Of course, I forgive you. You were clearly upset."
I am the willing victim of a cannibal
"God, you're useless!"
She rips out my bones just like I'm an animal
"I hate you! You mean nothing to me!"
And right when I'm feeling like my blood is drained
I sat on the floor of my ruined bedroom. Sheets were ruffled, pillows were thrown, picture frames were broken. I curled up into a ball and cried my heart out.
She calls it a game
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I promise I won't do this again. It's just- you know how hard it is for me."
But the wound that she leaves is unmistakable
I didn't bother hugging her back.
I sat, apathetic, in her embrace and whispered hoarsely.
"It's fine, I forgive you."
8 notes
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aaahhh haaa
i've gotten into the habit
of posting random
weirdly emotional
writing pieces
at midnight
one am
two am
three am
maybe four am
if i can still feel my fingers
there's something
strangely addicting
to that feeling you get
when you're too tired
to fall asleep
and it's like you've ascended
you're no longer a part of the mortal realm
you're floating
you're dreaming
you're not sure
whether you exist or not
what's always fun
is laying in silence
after staring off into space
for the past thirty minutes
and randomly getting a song
stuck in your head
and in a burst of energy
you jolt up
plug in your headphones
and listen to the song
and then that song
is the only thing you feel
the singer's voice
is clear as a bell
and you can't tell
whether you're dancing
or flailing
because that song
gives you such a feeling
and it's three am
and you're tired
and you don't want to think
about anything
you just wanna
listen to your song
and move to the beat
0 notes
i prefer rain
as i walked
out of my school
i braced myself
for what was to come
before i even
came out
from under the shade
i was already blinded
by the glaring sun
it's harsh light
attacked my eyes
my face
my shoulders
the humid air
invaded my clothes
making me sweat
the walk home
takes around an hour
i attempted to
put on music
but i could barely
see the screen of my phone
at the time
it was
february
it only gets worse from there
0 notes
Dominic Costard
Ugh my head
Actually no-
not my head
my entire body
I feel like an elephant
sat on my chest
and then stood up
to then jump
up and down
over and over
on my limp body
I'm pretty sure my ribs are broken
and stabbing my internal organs
I should open my eyes
I really should
but for some reason
there are two sides of me
one of them wants me to
open my eyes
while the other one
wants me to...
to
to play dead?
Excuse me?
I am not a ferret!
or is it possum?
well whatever
I'm not playing dead
I'm opening my eyes-
Jesus, it's bright
Where is that light coming from?
Surely it's the sun
Right?
Am I outside?
I'll risk blindness for more information-
No I won't, who am I trying to impress?
Wait...
Can I move?
my toes can wriggle
my hands can clench and unclench
my-
Ugh
my headache doesn't take well to being ignored
Okay, Dom
look on the bright side
you can move your arm
Oh! and your legs
you're already two steps closer to
figuring out
what the hell happened to you
all you've got to do is
Open your eyes-
Okay, maybe don't do
the exact thing you did last time
that led to tremendous eye pain
and a worse-off headache
Maybe this time
cover your eyes
give yourself time to adjust, Dom
Okay good
this is good
I'm making progress
Now let's try sitting up-
nope nope nope nope
I'm gonna stay on the ground for a while
I still think my ribs are broken
and currently stabbing my vital organs
Maybe I can roll over?
To get this light out of my face?
Oh, no
Oh, hell no
Trying to roll was somehow worse
I need to move
I need to get out
I need to uncover my eyes
Come on, Dom
it's like two seconds of pain
and then you'll be granted your sight back
Okay okay okay okay
Slowly-
Oh, sweet Jesus
that hurts
everything is yellow blobs
just... keep rapidly blinking
keep
rapidly
blinking
until
you
can
see!
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Where am I?
What am I laying on?
It's so cold here.
How have I not realized yet?
It's freezing.
Shivering and rubbing my goosebumps
that's a good temporary solution
I'm numb
my fingers are numb
probably because it's so cold
Where am I?
It's cold and wet and I'm pretty sure my back is frozen
can I still wiggle my toes?
kind of
I can't feel them anymore, but I see them
They're so cold, they're burning
like I've stepped into a frozen fire
Oh, my headache stopped
that's good
that's one less thing to worry about
I need to sit up
I need to sit up
I don't want to feel it again
I can't
I can't try again
I can't do it
But I have to
I'll freeze to death before I find out where I am
unless I push through the pain
The worst that can happen
isanear-instantaneousdeathduetomassivebloodlossthroughoutmyorgansystem
It'll be fine
I'll be fine.
Deep breaths
but not too deep
because that would just make it hurt more
In and out
in and out
in and out
in
and
out
in and out-
It's okay
You're okay
I'm okay
I survived.
Just keep breathing, Dom.
Lower your heart rate.
Everything is going to be okay
You don't know where you are
you don't know what happened to you
where your phone is
how to get back
if anyone even noticed you're gone-
But it'll work itself out.
It has to.
Oh, goodie the headache's back!
Deep breaths, Dom.
I've made progress
lots of progress
good progress
I can do this
I can figure out what's going on
Don'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcry-
but it hurts-
but tears will only make your face freeze faster
Suck it up, Dom.
check for wounds
you already feel like you've been stabbed
might as well confirm it...
Where's my shirt?
nevermind that
my abdomen is purple and black
Then why can't I feel anything?
oh right it's cold and my body went numb
But in my stomach area?
Isn't that supposed to be the part least likely to go numb from the cold?
Then again, I know next to nothing about that kind of stuff.
I'm so confused-
No
don't let yourself be confused
if you're looking for an answer
and you search hard enough
you'll find it
You've thoroughly examined yourself, Dom.
Suck it up and examine your surroundings
Don't be scared-
even though it could be anything
a crackhouse
an abandoned alley-way
one of those giant refrigerators at the butchers
anything is possible
Open your eyes, Dom,
all the way.
Oh my g-
In and out, Dom
You can't afford a freakout
don't hyperventilate-
Don't cry either!
It's not hopeless-
"Yes, it is!"
might wanna massage your throat
after that outburst
your tongue isn't dry
so you're not dehydrated
I think
the acoustics in this room
are phenomenal
is it the wallpaper?
zoo animals?
Is that what made
my voice
echo
back
to
me
?
I think it's time for
a nap
I'm
I'm
tired
I don't know why I
said
it was
bright before
it's actually
quite
dark
0 notes
an excerpt from a story i’ll never write
“Alright, alright. I'll be there in a second," Frank muttered to himself as he walked to answer the door. Someone had been ringing the doorbell for the past two minutes while he tried to convince himself that if he stayed quiet enough they would give up and leave.
It's been a busy day for Frank, he's been rewashing the sheets for his bed in hopes of increasing the softness. Everything just feels scratchy and wrong. His whole life had to change now but he was in a state of denial. Frank just wants some normalcy back, can you blame him?
Frank opened the door and there he was, standing on the front porch, looking like death; Victor. He didn't bother trying to slam the door; he knew this was coming and he just wanted to get it over with.
"Victor."
"Frankie," he shifted nervously, his eyes wide like he didn't expect Frank to open the door.
"What do you want, Vick?" Frank leaned on the doorway, crossing his arms. He needed to get this inevitable conversation out of the way so he could go back to pretending to be productive.
"I... I wanted to see you," the thing that ticked off Frank the most was that he could tell by Victor's expression, he meant it. Why couldn't he make it easier for Frank to hate him? Why did he have to come here looking like a kicked puppy? Why did Frank want to forgive him?
They stood in silence for a few beats.
Frank took a breath and sighed.
"You know, every day for the past five years of my life, I woke up in his arms. Without fail. He was always there for me. And I guess I just- I got used to it. It became my normal. My routine. I never realized that it was a gift. Every moment we spent together was precious. I love him and I will keep loving him now and forever. And I will keep missing him every painful day after today when I have to go on with living without him here. My bed will always feel empty without him in it."
He looked at Victor shifting on his feet, gaze on the ground and furrowed his eyebrows, "And that's all because of you. Of course, I love you and I miss you," Victor looked up, his eyes shining with hope. "But you're the reason why Henry is dead," now dread. "You could've stopped this, but you didn't. And for that, I can never forgive you. So this is my goodbye to you. I'll miss my best friend-"
"I am right here, Fran. Your best friend is right here."
"No, actually. My best friend is buried six feet underground in a casket," his voice broke. He closed his eyes and sighed, "Goodbye, Victor."
"Frankie, wait-" He caught the door as it was about to shut and swung it open.
Frank grabbed Victor's shoulders and clenched them tightly, "No! I am so sick of crying and getting upset and yelling at you. You killed Henry. You may not have pulled the trigger but you knew when it was going to happen and who was going to do it." He laughed bitterly, "And you claim to be so torn up over his death yet you still refuse to tell the police anything." He took a shuddered breath and released Victor's shoulders, "I... I don't wanna argue and fight anymore. I'm tired, Vickie. I haven't slept in weeks. I just don't have the capacity to listen to you make excuses about how you couldn't do anything to stop the shooter. I'm done with you and I'm done with everyone," That's when Victor started crying too, "Leave me alone or I'm calling the police."
Victor's eyes widened. He lunged for Frank, trying to hold onto him but Frank just shoved him backward and slammed the door. Victor threw himself against it, he pressed his face up against it and banged hard on its surface, shouting at the top of his lungs. His vision clouded with tears as he desperately tried to open the door.
He gripped the doorknob tightly, "Wait, Fran! W-wait! Please! Let me explain- I'll talk to the police but they won't believe me! Please, Frankie. Please don't say goodbye to me. Please don't leave me," he crumbled to the ground in defeat. "I already lost Henry-"
With that, Frank opened the door in a blind rage, sending Victor backward. He stomped over and picked him up by his shirt, faces two inches apart as he roared, "No. No! You do not get to be sad! You don't get to mourn! As far as I'm concerned, you wanted him dead! Get off my porch and out of my life! I don't wanna see your face again!" He shoved him back down unto the ground and clenched his fists.
Victor shot up on his feet and made it inside the house before Frank had a chance to slam the door. Frank crossed his arms.
"Get out of my house-"
"You're not the only one who misses him-"
"YOU KILLED HIM!"
They stared silently for a moment. Victor was frozen, staring at Frank like he didn't know what was real anymore. Then suddenly, Frank looked a decade older.
"Just- just leave."
Never in his life had he seen Frank look so defeated, not even at the funeral. He looked like there was no point in living anymore. Victor moved to comfort Frank. They'd been friends their entire lives; it was pure instinct. Frank evaded Victor's open arms and hugged himself. Both of their cheeks were wet with tears but Frank's constant stream seemed to finally be drying out.
"Fran-"
Frank said nothing as he opened the door and gestured outside, his eyes lacking any hew.
"Please, just leave."
Victor silently complied, walking out the door without so much as a gesture. But when he got in his car and cast a glance to the once lively house, he couldn't help but sigh.
Then he drove away.
0 notes
proKrastinating insomniaX
You know what I should be doing?
Sleeping.
You know what I'm not doing...?
You know what I should be doing?
My school work.
You know what I'm not doing...?
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.Hopeless am I
Isn't it absurd
how everyone overlooks
the "hopeless"
in Hopeless Romantic?
I call myself
Hopeless Romantic
because I am in love
and I am without hope
You are not meant to swoon
when I state my name
You are not meant to sigh dreamily
I call myself
Hopeless Romantic
because my love
will never be returned
I gave them my heart
and they sneered at me
they tore me up
they broke me
they threw me out
My love is hopeless
I am without hope
I am filled with yearning
I am filled with love
So much love
too much love
I am overflowing
because nobody wants it
nobody wants me
Certainly not them
they're disgusted by me
my heart
my love
All of me
is theirs
and they don't intend on giving it back
And so
there is no hope for me
I am Hopeless Romantic
Hopeless Romantic is me.
0 notes
the most comforting place on the planet
the most comforting place
on the planet
flowers bend in the wind
rabbits come out to play
butterflies flutter
a hair above your nose
the sky
tremendously blue
the clouds
sifting over the sun
in a grey film
you close your eyes
it smells of spring
it feels of the blanket
underneath you
you are empty
your mind is blank
you are at peace
the hours pass by
the sun grows tired
and golden hour approaches
the sky paints itself
pink, purple, orange
but still so blue
the wind blows cooler
the rabbits go to sleep
the fireflies start to glow
you hear them buzzing
you heave a sigh
the stars burn ever so brightly
all waiting for compliments
you find them all beautiful
so you refrain from giving any
the Moonman stares at you
from his place in the sky
he asks why you haven't gone to sleep
like the butterflies
and the rabbits
you tell him
the day has just begun
he doesn't understand
you close your eyes again
it smells the same
the flowers are still lovely
it feels the same
the blanket is still soft
night is day
you are at peace
0 notes
my poor mental health is a problem... surprise???
I'm so sick
of blaming
depression.
I'm so sick
of blaming
anxiety.
But what else
can I do?
Where else
would these
issues
come from?
This constant
p a r a n o i a?
My fear of abandonment?
My fear of showing any emotions?
My fear of everything, all the time?
Everyday
I wake up
and trudge
through molasses
and ignore
anything real.
I hate that
I can't live my life
without being
scared of life.
Everyone is
going through
something,
I'm not special.
You think
I don't
know that?
I just need (everyone)
to stop normalizing
anxiety, depression, whatever.
It's a burden.
it's a problem.
It's not something
I can just
"get over"
I'm sorry.
0 notes
Choose Wisely
(Darkness. Heavy breathing plays overhead, gradually increasing in volume. A car horn sounds in the distance.
ROWAN appears, looking disheveled and confused.)
ROWAN. Huh? What? What's going on? Where am I?
VOICE 1. Good evening, Rowan. How was your trip? We tried to make your journey here as comfortable as possible.
ROWAN. Who are you? Where is that coming from? What have you done with me?
VOICE 1. We understand that you may be slightly distressed but please refrain from asking your questions until the end.
ROWAN. Wha-
VOICE 1. Thank you and welcome to The Great Beyond.
(The lights cut out on ROWAN again, leaving him in darkness.)
ROWAN. Hey! Where are you going?! Where am I?! What's going on?!
VOICE 2. Good evening, Rowan. How was your trip? We tried to make your journey here as comfortable as possible.
ROWAN. What?
VOICE 2. We understand that you may be slightly distressed but please refrain from asking your questions until the end.
ROWAN. (under his breath) What is going on?
VOICE 2. Thank you and welcome to The Great Beyond.
(The lights flicker slightly.)
VOICE 3. Good evening, Rowan. How was your trip? We tried to make your journey here as comfortable as possible.
ROWAN. God, we've been through this already! Tell me what's going on! Now!
VOICE 3. We understand that you may be slightly distressed but please refrain from asking your questions until the end.
ROWAN. (overlapping) -But please refrain from asking your questions until the end. I get it! What are you waiting for?! When is this going to end?!
(The lights flicker repeatedly. Heaving breathing plays overhead, gradually increasing. ROWAN screams.
The lights suddenly turn on, revealing a blank room with a desk and chair. ROWAN stands in the middle, BRENDA sits in the chair, filing her nails.
ROWAN notices.)
ROWAN. When is somebody gonna tell me what the hell's been going on?
BRENDA. (puts down the nail filer, crosses her arms) Right now, if you can stop being so hostile.
ROWAN. Sorry.
BRENDA. It's alright. We've been meaning to get that malfunctioning system fixed for eons. Think of it as a right of passage. Everyone except for the higher-ups has had to deal with that anxiety-inducing introduction to the afterlife.
ROWAN. (raises his eyebrows, widens his eyes) Afterlife? Am I dead?
BRENDA. 'Fraid so.
ROWAN. How could this happen? I was healthy.
BRENDA. (sympathetic) I know, I read your file. Look, Rowan, accidents happen every day-
ROWAN. (folds in on himself, lowers his head) I know that. I just... never thought it'd happen to me.
(BRENDA stands, walks to ROWAN and pats his shoulder.)
BRENDA. No one does.
ROWAN. (sighs, turns towards BRENDA) Are you going to tell me what's going on, now?
BRENDA. (nods) After someone dies, they have to choose between becoming a Reaper, Ghost, Reincarnated, or Cupid.
ROWEN. What does that mean?
BRENDA. (chuckling slightly) I know you're probably sick of hearing this by now but please wait until the end to ask your questions.
ROWEN. Right. Sorry.
(BRENDA walks back to the chair and sits, crossing her legs.
She picks up the nail file again and gestures with it.)
BRENDA. I recommend you choose wisely because you only get to do so every hundred years. I'll give you a rundown of every job: Reapers used to guide lost souls to the center of all afterlife activity, The Tucasc. That is where you are currently. But we've developed a far more evolved system that does the job for us. What we do now is help the new souls adjust to their afterlife and inform them of their options. It's a hard job with little pay-off, I can say that from experience.
(ROWEN leans on the desk next to the chair and crosses his arms.)
ROWEN. You're a Reaper?
BRENDA. (files her nails) What? I don't look the part?
ROWEN. (rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly) Not really.
BRENDA. That's because we're no longer required to wear those heavy robes. We can just wear business attire. Now, I am required to tell you the only real benefit of choosing this job: meeting new people every day and hearing their stories. It's quite entertaining.
ROWEN. (furrows his eyebrows) And the drawbacks?
BRENDA. (counts on her fingers as she lists) 24-hour workdays, no vacations for a hundred years, and well... meeting new people every day and hearing their stories.
ROWEN. (sits fully on the desk) How is that also a drawback?
BRENDA. (wryly) Imagine having to act kind towards a Nazi.
ROWEN. Oh.
BRENDA. (smacks her lips and continues filing her nails) Onto the second job. Ghosts haunt the living. The higher-ups didn't add this one as an option until there were too many incidents with vindictive spirits. Ghosts are... unnecessary in every way but it is in our nature as humans to not want to let go of the past. Haunting requires minimal training, it's mostly there to teach the newly deceased our rules at the Tucasc along with the guidelines for interacting with the Living.
ROWEN. (nods slowly) I assume no murder.
BRENDA. You have to get a permit for that.
(ROWEN chuckles.)
BRENDA. I'm not joking. When you've been dead for more than a thousand years, you tend to forget the value of life. This leads to the higher-ups approving of things they really shouldn't be. In this case, it's murder.
ROWEN. (stares at the ground, furrows his brow) That's... dark.
BRENDA. (shrugs her shoulders) That's the afterlife for you. Now, I don't believe I have to explain much about the Reincarnated, do I?
ROWEN. (shakes his head) No, I get the concept.
BRENDA. To sum it up: you'd have the same soul in a different body with no memories of your past life whatsoever. This is the option most people choose.
ROWEN. (shrugs) I'd assume so.
BRENDA. (furiously files her nails) Last but not least, Cupids. There are different ranks for Cupids- It's a complicated system that I never bothered to learn. The gist of it is: You shoot living folks with a long-distance weapon to fill them with different kinds of love. There's familial, infatuation, friendly, romantic, etc. You get to wear whatever and visit the Living whenever you like, for personal reasons or business reasons. Mostly the romantics choose this one.
ROWEN. (smiles, tries to get BRENDA to acknowledge his presence) Cupid sounds fun.
(BRENDA puts down the nail filer, seemingly satisfied with her work. She faces ROWAN.)
BRENDA. Is that your choice?
(ROWAN folds in on himself and lowers his head)
ROWEN. I- I don't know.
BRENDA. (juts out her chin, speaks in a patronizing tone) Choose wisely. Remember, you're stuck for the next hundred years.
(ROWEN stands and paces the room, muttering to himself.
After going back and forth a few times, he stops and turns towards BRENDA)
ROWEN. (helplessly) I just don't know.
(The lights cut out.)
BRENDA. (whispers) Then I'll choose for you.
(ROWAN screams.
The car horn sound gets "closer" until it's louder than ROWAN's scream.)
0 notes
Life
Your parents had you unexpectedly
they treated you well, despite that
your childhood was normal, if not lonely
you had many acquaintances, one friend
on a humid afternoon, during the summer
you met someone
y'all talked and exchanged contact information
y'all talked more and became fast friends
you fell in love, as did they
you confessed under the bleachers, during the touchdown
while everyone was cheering, you were kissing
you got into a suitable college, not the one you wanted
y'all broke up until the circumstances were better
long-distance friendship was relatively easy
if you overlooked the love, that is
you graduated after four years of procrastinating and partying
you visited your hometown, feeling nostalgic
they were also there
y'all talked again and kissed under the same bleachers
while the autumn breeze cooled your cheeks
the engagement came a year later
another year, marriage
the honeymoon was lovely
you forgot to bring up children, they adopted a puppy
your first mortgage
they got a job while you searched
you got a job while they searched
your worst funeral, your mom
she left you so many memories, they helped you trudge through them
you decided to move, they support your decision
y'all leave the dog with your leftover friend
years of traveling inevitably led to settling
y'all decided to live in the middle of nowhere
you sold goat milk, they crocheted
it's the only place you felt free, in your cottage on the hill
they took a nasty fall in the river, y'all moved back to somewhere
your dad wanted you to continue the family business
you just wanted to go back to nowhere but they needed to heal
resentment built up then fell down
your most confusing funeral, your dad
he left you the house, it's better than your apartment so you moved in
you reveled in the place you grew up, they watched you
y'all think about death in the place you were born
you did a lot of home renovations
they did a lot of crafts
you reconnected with your hometown
they reconnected with their civilized side
you got sick, you'd walk it off but this one stuck
they despised hospitals, so did you
you said goodbye and they hated you for it
your funeral was the hardest for them
they wanted to be with you, always
you left them bittersweet love and loneliness
and oh, so many memories
they can't wait to see you again.
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music, rose, jump
All my life, I've been chasing.
Tatiana
is the only person
who ever
stopped
and waited for me.
We were partners in crime.
A dynamic duo.
She would do the killing
and theatrics.
I would do the cleaning
and blackmailing our alibis
It didn't help that she refused
to wear gloves,
to tie her hair back,
to make their deaths quick.
She always had to monologue.
It got very boring.
I'm sure it's terrifying
when your date pulls a knife out on you
and ties you up
and then just starts
talking
for like an hour
about how much they want to kill you.
One time,
she was so bored
that she said nothing but
"Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die."
for like thirty minutes.
We had a lot of fun that day.
Have you ever seen the movie
or read the book
Holes?
In it,
there's a character named
Kissin' Kate Barlow.
She's an outlaw
in the wild west
who kisses
every man she kills.
That's who Tatiana
aspires to be.
For a while,
in the beginning,
she left roses
on their corpses
and spruced them up all nice
so that when they were found,
people knew it was her.
That got old quick, though
because some of our victims
had no one to look for them
or no one to find them
or no one to care enough about them
to even be appalled by their dismembered body.
It made us too sad
to be theatrical.
I like to play music
while I clean.
I've found that
headphones
are a hazard
when you're wanted for homicide.
The whole
classical music thing
is a cliche.
I always play
Arctic Monkeys
or Tally Hall.
Sometimes,
she'll dance.
It'd be nice to watch her
flitting about
and leaping onto furniture
if it didn't mean more work for me.
She never wipes off her shoes,
blood gets everywhere.
Sometimes,
we'll dance together
amidst the blood
and the bloated dead body.
We'll waltz through homes
lived in
and died in.
We thrash and jump
when the beat picks up.
We tango and salsa
when the sirens come.
We'll run and run
till we're free again.
We tap dance
on their grave
and sing
"good riddance."
She's never killed someone
who didn't truly deserve it.
After killing the man
that hurt her,
she decided to keep going
and rid the world
of its scum.
We don't enjoy it when they cry
and beg for their lives
so we gag them.
It's always hardest for Tatiana
when they were truly loved
by some poor fool
who always came back
no matter how hurt they got.
She wanted everyone to be free
of people like the man who hurt her.
Her resolve is unbreakable.
The city we live in
is simultaneously
more dangerous
and safer
because of us.
We work in the shadows
so the day can be all the more
bright.
So the future can be all the more
appealing
for those who've given up.
We don't think ourselves
to be heroes.
We are killers
with little to no mercy.
We don't mind
being dragged in the mud
and covered in blood
if it means no more
of that man
and anyone like him.
I remember the day
Tatiana approached me.
I was on the edge
so ready to jump
and be done with this
miserable existence.
She walked up to me
slowly,
like you would a wounded animal
and gave me an offer I couldn't refuse:
"Join me and you'll never be alone."
We've been inseparable ever since.
0 notes
The World Is On Fire
Day 22. Everyone finally stopped panic-buying. My garage is gonna be filled with water bottles and toilet paper for a hot minute. I’ve decided to keep a journal. Might as well, right? I’ve been meaning to start one for a while, and well… what better time to try new things than when we all have way too much time on our hands?
Day 35. The school administration finally started getting the whole “online school” thing organized. I’m pretty sure my mom was about to have an aneurysm, what with my younger siblings being free to cause trouble all day, every day. Also, it’s really starting to sink in for our dogs just how much time we’re going to be spending with them now. They’ve fallen into a state of depression. I mean, can you blame’em?
Day 40. I take back what I said about the “online school” thing being good. Are you aware of how much harder it is to convince yourself to go to school when there’s nothing stopping you from just closing your computer and going back to sleep? It’s very difficult. Man, I never realized how little will-power I had until now. I mean, I have been like seconds away from just burning my notes and calling it a day. This is hard. Everything is hard now. I can’t even go outside without my neighbors having a heart attack. I can’t wait for this to be over.
Day 54. The news is on all the time. It just keeps getting worse and worse. I’m so sick of hearing nothing but bad news. Like, yes, I get it, the world is on fire now but haven’t you people ever heard of escapism? Go watch a Disney movie. Go play videogames. Play a board game with your family. Do something. I know the news anchors are just trying to keep the public informed. And I know my mom is just trying to be informed. But we’ve been on a downward spiral for months with no sign of anything getting better. I need everyone else to chill out and remember what makes life worth living. We’re going through all of these precautions to stay alive for a reason, aren’t we? What’s the point of being alive if you’re not enjoying at least some of it?
Day 60. Too many folks have been going outside all dilly-dally. They’re spreading it without a care in the world for the people around them. Haven’t they heard of common human decency? I get that you’re not currently dead or dying but you’re just making it worse for everybody by not staying inside. I’m actually surprised we’ve lasted this long. People don’t like to be caged in, no matter the reason.
Day 75. “Online school” is over. That means it’s finally Summer. Not that there’s a difference. I still can’t go outside. I still never really talk to my friends. I still stare off into space for obscene amounts of time. It sucks how the only good thing that’s happened to me recently is the fact that I no longer have to pretend I actually care about my education. This school year has been hard for more reasons than just the virus. I think it’s because everyone had such high expectations for the new decade. We were all disappointed.
Day 90. My sister caught it. She’s been in the hospital for days. I’ve only tried to visit once, it’s way too crowded there. My mom refuses to talk about it. We no longer watch the news.
Day 125. I haven’t left the house in months. I think that’s a good thing. That’s a good thing, right? This is what they wanted. I’m doing what they wanted. I’m so pale now. I used to be tan. Fit. Healthy. I used to look like I was alive. Like I was breathing. Like my heart was beating. Why don’t I look like that now? Is it the solitude? I’m still with my mom and my brother. They’re still here. I’m not alone… I feel alone.
Day 148. Today I watched the same movie on repeat for ten hours. During that span of time, I didn’t eat or sleep. I doubt I even blinked. I think it’s crazy how the hunger and exhaustion didn’t hit me until my brother came into my room to check up on me. It’s almost like I forgot. Or maybe I was ignoring it as some kind of form of self-punishment? Do I blame myself for a lot of things that aren’t my fault? No… Yes? Everyone does.
Day 155. I keep getting notifications to start off the new digital school year. I asked my mom if I could drop out, she said: "Do whatever you want." I don’t know who this woman is anymore.
Day 180. I’ve been trying to stop being such a Debby-Downer. I did a video chat with my friends recently. We all look a little worse for wear. Nonetheless, it was nice talking to them and catching up. Just hearing their voices really cheered me up. There were some tears shed, I’ll admit. But overall, my day was good.
Day 200. It’s my birthday today. All my friends organized a video of clips where they all sang happy birthday in silly voices. It was cute. My mom even got out of her funk for long enough to order some cheesecake. Things outside are still getting worse with the death toll rising steadily but for today, I’m actually doing good.
Day 215. Instead of doing my schoolwork, I decided to spend the majority of my day listening to the AC turn on and off. It was actually very relaxing. I could hear my brother in the room over talking on the phone with his buddy. I could hear the low hum of the movie my mom had on downstairs. I could hear my slow, steady breathing. I’m glad I was able to get in some sleep. Who knew silence could be therapeutic?
0 notes
come quick, the sky is sad again
i was lying in the street
unmoving and uncaring
apathetic and dead
when it started to rain
i opened my eyes
it took great effort,
due to the pelting of my face
the sky was falling
crying
sobbing
melting
dripping down
onto the unsuspecting earth
the precipitation
glided over the concrete
instead of soaking up in the soil
i opened my mouth
for a little taste of sky
my thirst was unquenchable
i only got a few drops
the clouds were
calm
as if they
just needed to
let go of all the things
weighing them down
and now they were free
without all that rain
clogging up their brains
i got sopping wet
my clothes sticking to my skin
my face blotchy
as if i was the one crying
the entire universe was collapsing
onto my face
and all i could do was watch
as it cried
and fell
hopelessly
surly
quite excitedly
down
down
down
splash
0 notes
The Routine
female
mid-twenties
caucasian
bleach-blond hair
brown eyes
has a mole on her left cheek,
barely visible
unmarried
two siblings
one older, one younger
both male
parents divorced when she was seven
she chose to live with her dad
works at a desk job
from nine to five
every morning
she goes to the same coffee shop
orders the same latte
and flirts with the same barista
has monthly visits with her mother,
they never go well
her roommate
- male
mid-twenties
biracial
black hair
brown eyes -
is harboring feelings for her
she's unaware of those feelings
she was assigned to me four months ago
for a reason I still haven't figured out yet
she's painfully average
with her average wins
and her average woes
her average looks
her average personality
her average life
I know her schedule inside and out
I know her preference for men
I know where she goes to party
it wouldn't be difficult
to get her alone
and vulnerable
killing her would be clean and easy
fast and painless
so why can't I do it?
I could've been rid of her months ago
but I still haven't done the deed
why is that?
I haven't become enamored with her
she's plain
and boring
and normal
I'm nothing of the sort
even if I wanted her,
I wouldn't be able to
have her
it'd be too messy
too dangerous
too difficult
too exciting
too different
too dramatic
too good
too appealing
maybe I do want her
and her average, normal life
maybe I'm sick of
stalking
learning
waiting
striking
killing
maybe I want out...
but who am I kidding?
BANG!
0 notes
she gifted me blue
It happened on a warm summer evening.
I was anxious and hesitant,
she was headstrong and sure.
Never afraid to take risks.
She was my rose,
blooming in my heart,
her roots digging into my soul,
her thorns puncturing my lungs.
She was beautiful,
dangerously so.
I would've killed for her.
I would've died for her.
She was a dreamer.
Foolish and airy.
Head always in the sky.
Mind overflowing with clouds.
She was a fire.
Burning brightly, warmly.
Colors swirling,
marring my face,
reflecting in my eyes.
Red, orange, yellow.
And if the moment was heated enough,
she'd bless me with a glimpse of blue.
We fit so well together,
back then.
I wanted her to change me
into a dreamer,
like her.
She wanted to show me the world,
her world.
Her beautiful world.
She wanted too much.
She took too much
from me
until I was no longer myself.
She broke me.
First, she took my hands,
snatched them while I wasn't looking.
Next, my lips
bit them between her teeth and tore them from my face.
Then, my breast
gently at first, but leaving me with unruly pain.
Lastly, my heart.
I was hers for the taking,
rightfully hers,
truly hers,
wholly hers.
All of me was stolen
out from under my nose.
I let it happen,
for she had gifted me
blue.
It burned,
as did the red,
orange,
yellow...
But this was different.
This was a privilege.
So I let her take
little pieces of me.
Nothing I'd miss.
Until I was gone.
The next day
she wore my pieces
as jewelry.
Around her neck,
dangling from her ears,
looped on her wrist.
She showed it off,
my stolen self.
I limped beside her
being too broken
from my missing pieces.
After taking what she wanted,
she left me.
She simply turned
and walked away.
I couldn't chase her,
I was too weak
to speak
to move
to breath.
I was dead
in every sense
except sight.
I've always wondered why
she never took my eyes.
Maybe it's because she wanted me to see
how good I looked on her.
Maybe she just forgot.
In all her thoroughness
to leave nothing of beauty behind,
she forgot my eyes.
Maybe she didn't forget.
Maybe she thought my eyes were worthless.
I can't blame her
because from the beginning,
I was blind.
0 notes
Checkpoints
the first few years
I'm naive and adorable.
I have zero restraint and self-control.
I enjoy being the center of attention.
I'm naturally curious and friendly.
I am overflowing with ambition and optimism.
I have a crush on every Disney star.
a few years later
I make terrible decisions now that I can actually think for myself.
I am genuinely scared of getting in trouble to the point where I had a panic attack when I was called to the principal's office for a dumb reason (I wasn't even in trouble, they just needed me to deliver something).
I hit my male classmates for no particular reason other than the fact that I just wanted to.
I'm beginning to question my sexuality, having a weird identity crisis in the privacy of my room in the dead of night when no one else can judge me.
I start to nurture my love for the arts.
I still have a crush on every Disney star.
a few years even later
I just realized I have depression and I'm not taking it very well.
I'm a completely different person at home and at school and I can't tell which one is the real me.
This is the beginning of the intense paranoia I still have today.
I think everyone is out to get me.
I start feeling guilty for still not being sure about my sexuality despite still being pretty young.
I contemplate doing a lot of things to a lot of people, including myself. I never do those things but I sure do think about them.
I start to develop weird dependency issues.
currently
I use humor as a poor coping mechanism.
I still make pretty bad decisions but this time I know they're bad, I just don't care.
I'm nocturnal.
My mother finally admits to herself that she did a poor job raising us and needs to put her kids into therapy so we don't get any more bad habits.
I feel lost.
I still think everyone is out to get me but now I overshare and tell literally anyone who'll listen about my problems for a reason that I still haven't figured out yet.
I can't tell whether I'm in love with my best friend or if I just want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I worry about the future a LOT.
At this point, I'm just kinda vibing.
0 notes