theburdenbearer

[theburdenbearer]

#poetry #writing #art #my writing #narrative #Spotify

[theburdenbearer]

#poetry #writing #art #my writing

[theburdenbearer]

#poetry #writing #art #my writing #Spotify

[theburdenbearer]

The Brightest Darkness

I used to have such a beautiful imagination. Thinking up whole worlds, going on hundreds of adventures, with the hero always triumphing over the bad guy. I could spend hours in my own mind, seeing my surroundings so bright and vibrant. So how did I end up here? Sitting alone in the darkness. It’s been so long, I don’t even remember when I first got here. But it feels like an eternity, and when you spend too much time in the darkness, eventually it speaks. I’ve been whispered the most vile things, shown truly horrific sights, smelt the most unholy of scents. These things constantly replay in my head. Over and over and over. A never ending loop. How many deaths have I lived? How lives have I taken? My vivid mind has committed the worst of betrayals. What once provided beauty and comfort now only produces never ending nightmares and spinning tales of abominations. Am I beyond forgiveness? Is this my punishment for my sins? My own divine comedy? I stand alone in my own hell far from anyone’s help, just out of reach. I see them reaching for me, but the deeper they go, the more corrupted they become. And so I run deeper into my own agony, so I may at least save a few. So I will stand in solitude and relive my biggest fears over and over, even though they haven’t come true. I just wish I could see the grand tree in the field, the study mountains, and the shimmering ocean one last time.

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[theburdenbearer]

#poetry #writing #art #my writing #Spotify

[theburdenbearer]

#poetry #writing #art #my writing #Spotify

[theburdenbearer]

#poetry #writing #art #my writing #Spotify

[theburdenbearer]

Fave ship dynamic

[theburdenbearer]

commission for @myfadedlament of her OC and her alien cat!!

[theburdenbearer]

Bird Cage

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In a tower, overseeing the vast world around him, a lone black bird sits in his cage. Always looking out ahead of him, observing his surroundings and the people. He questions why he can’t be around them, living life to the fullest, wings spread and ready to fly among them. Locked in his cage he becomes filled with rage. Why does his capture keep him like this? Do they not see that what he wants is out there? Calling to the black bird, as if it’s a mother calling her child home. The clever black bird devised a plan, when the capture comes to feed him, he will leap from the cage and fly away. And it played out exactly how he expected. Before he knew it, he was soaring high in the sky, only looking back once to see the capture crying and cursing him. As the black bird flew he found a group of three birds, but these ones were white like porcelain. He decided to approach them. Startled by the size and appearance of the black bird, one of the white birds shooed the others behind her. The black bird explained that he had escaped a cage and had no idea how to live in this new world. The white bird looked at him with hesitation, but decided to show him how to live. They spent spent every moment together for months at a time. The white bird showed the black bird how to find food, shelter, and how to interact with the other birds. This time made the black bird appreciate his life and realize that not every creature here is like the capture. When the time had come, the black bird prepared to leave and find his own home, he had spent enough time with the three white birds. As he was about to leave, the white bird who taught him so much stopped him, asking where he was going. He replied saying that he couldn’t stay anymore and that he didn’t want to bother the white birds anymore. The white bird looked him in the eyes and asked him to stay, that she had grown fond of him as the other two did. As he stared into her eyes he knew that he didn’t have to move on, that he had already found his home. He came closer to her and said that he loves her, holding her tight. The black bird decided to stay and live with them for the rest of his days. The black bird was able to chase his freedom and happiness, something he never thought he could do. All it took was a little leap of faith into the unknown.

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[theburdenbearer]

Promises

I used to trust what people told me. Never thought I’d be lead astray. But as time continues to march I see how naive I’ve truly been. “Get good grades, go to college, and you will have a successful career.” “You’ll be able to have a family, take care of them, love them.” “Work hard and you will be treated and paid accordingly.” But it extends even beyond what I was promised as a child. As I’ve grown I understand that the promises given to you will be broken by the people who are supposed to love you the most. “I’ll always love you.” “I promise I will never leave you.” “You’re stuck with me.” “I will help you and take care of you.” “Don’t worry, we will talk everyday.” Broken. Every single one of these has been broken. You’d think I’d learn, yet here I am, hollow again. Then people have the audacity to be upset when I disappear. They tell me that I’m to blame for it all, that I should just smile more, that I should be happy it happened in the first place. Fuck off. You molded me into this. You lied, you cheated, you broke me. Now I wander through the world constantly questioning the people around me. I don’t want to believe that I have good people now who would do these things to me. I know that’s not true though. I’ve been hurt by many people, but the deepest scars aren’t from strangers. Who can I truly trust with my mind, with my life? More than likely no one. So, eventually I’ll have to move on like everyone else. One day I’ll be gone and there’ll be no one to weep for me. Maybe it’s for the best, I wouldn’t want people to grieve a shell. There’s nothing left anyway. I’ve given too much, and when I can’t give any more, they leave. I understand my place in this world. I’m not meant to be happy, at least not entirely. As I’ve said, I’m a burden bearer for others. I just wish someone would come with their flame to help me every once in a while. It’s ok though, I’ll harden my heart again. I’ll let the hate fester, it’s a lot easier to have fury than it is to crumble. If I’m going to be forced down then you will have to kill me. May the mother take me to a place where I am truly appreciated.

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[theburdenbearer]

The Bearer

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I’ve questioned my entire life. Why do I always seem to be the one with the heaviest heart? Everyone around me seems to be at peace, happy, content. Almost there wasn’t a care in the world. And all I ever wanted was to be in their presence, to maybe feel that warmth, that love. I would get a taste, and then it’s always pulled away. It happens every time. Sometimes the flavors linger longer than others, but ultimately they fade, and all I’m left with is the reverence, of how beautiful it all was. Then the pain settles in. “I’ll never have them, I’ll never have what they have, all I’m left with are the memories.” Many years in the same cycle, wondering when it’s my turn. Then I looked back, and what I saw brought me to tears. There everyone was, still smiling, still loving, still warm. It was just the same as in the past, but the feeling was different, and I heard their words. They all said my name with thanks, that because of me they got better, that because of me they kept living. These people who I thought hated me or wanted nothing to do with me, that left me in pain, thanked me. Then I realized. In the moments I fought so desperately to be like them, I was picking things up. Broken hearts, lost loved ones, fear, distrust, pain. I was picking up their burdens and showing them in the light, to show them their worth, and that they were going to be ok, that they were still loved. Because it’s all I ever wanted, I pleaded for someone like me. Someone to show me the light. Because I knew the struggle. I’ve hoarded so much. And I used to think I was cursed, that the Gods hated my very existence. But one beautiful goddess came and stood next to me, holding my face and wiping away the tears, like a loving mother. She held me and told me, “You are not burdened my child, you are an important solider. You may not carry a sword, you may not take lives, but you fight a different battle. You care and carry the others who need it, you fight their monsters and protect them from evil. But you’re carrying too many trophies. Let me help you learn how to let them go.” I looked up at her radiant face, as a child in awe of the beauty of their mother. Her dark hair flowing elegantly, an ocean of black waters. Her earth kissed eyes piercing mine with such love and sincerity. Her smile as bright as the sun. Her skin bronzed by her fiery spirit. As I stood there, looking upon this breathtaking site, I understood. I knew why she wanted me to be here. Why even though I wasn’t supposed to be alive, what my purpose was. I fell to my knees and sobbed. She quickly knelt down and held me in her arms, close to her chest. I could feel her heart beat on my cheek and the scents of sweet flowers filled my lungs. I felt safe. I felt genuine happiness, genuine love for the first time. She stood me up, wiped my face, and dusted my clothes. Then she spoke to me once more. “I can’t always be here for you during these times my love, but it doesn’t mean I’m not beside you. I will always be next to you, guiding you in spirit. You will know it’s me in your soul. All you have to do is look around you. I will visit as often as I can, just know I love you.” And then she faded away too. I was alone in the dark again. But I didn’t dread it this time. I looked around me and I could see a faint glow in the void. It was me. I noticed that my chest was a blaze, my heart beating outside, engulfed in the flames of passion. I looked back up, and in the distance I could see someone, their face in their hands. I started to run towards them solely on instinct. And I held them. The weight they were carrying fell like the times before, I went to go pick it up, but it caught on fire. This stranger and I just froze, not knowing what to do. I stood back up to face them. A few drops still in their eyes, they looked to me and smiled, and thanked me. Their heart was now burning too, with love, happiness, and passion. And as I watched them run off, I saw them run to someone else, and do the same thing. Mother gave me the tool I needed to not only heal myself, but to properly help others.

#poetry #writing #art #my wrtitng #Spotify

[theburdenbearer]

Sandman

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Sandman, I used to think you were cruel. The things you’ve shown me, the things I’ve done, the maddening devastations of war. I have had to be a witness to your sick twisted creations, not just all of my waking life, but all the long lives you made me live through. I hated you. But over time I adapted, I learned your ways, and I conquered them. So, Sandman, I ask of you why are you sweet now? Showing me my gorgeous home, my breathtaking village, the awe inspiring landscape, and beautiful partner, why do this to me?Why show me this bliss, this happiness, this contentment? Why make it so real, so familiar, so safe? Why deny me of what I deserve?Dancing in the field with them, holding each other, laughing, starting our family, sleepless nights and lazy mornings. It was perfection. It was everything. And then it was gone. And it keeps going, passing me by every night. I become so engulfed in it, I crave it every night, and it always gets ripped away. Sandman, you have given me the most beautiful curse. The understanding of true happiness but only to never have it. You are cruel to me, you have broken me, I grow tired of this battle. I just never thought you would have used love to win the war.

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[theburdenbearer]

The Moon

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Oh, my sweet moon, such a power you have.

You make the waves in my soul crash against the craggy surface of my heart.

Slowly, you erode who I was, what I was made to be. The hate within soon washed away by your love. You only wish for the best in me. I get scared at what you are sculpting me into so I try to let the lava from my mind crash into the waters of yours, trying so desperately to reform the stone. But you keep fighting for me, my moon. How I yearn to see you in my sky as well, dancing with the stars. You make the darkness bearable, I’m not afraid of it anymore because of you and your pleasantly soft glow. You may not be able to shine as bright some nights, but that’s when I can give you the light and love you gave me.

May you forever be there, pulling me in, and washing the doubts. You have given me the greatest gift. The gift of balance, the gift of peace of mind. I am forever in your debt, my sweet, soft moon.

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[theburdenbearer]

The Sun

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I look forward to her glow.

The warmth and shine she gives takes away the doubts.

I’m always happy to see her, radiant in the sky.

But it’s quickly enshrouded by a quiet somberness, for I know she will leave.

The cold surrounding me, making me doubt and question again.

The morning always comes though, and there she is again.

I’m beginning to enjoy the mornings again, now that I truly know the suns embrace.

Thank you, my shimmering sun, for always rising. May I always be in your presence.

We may stand in front of, beside, or behind one another, but we are always together.

I dance with a balance of the light and dark that has given me a new breath of life. You gave me that light, and I am forever in your debt my sun.

#poetry #writing #my art #my writing #Spotify