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temporaerthaervaerk · 1 hour

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Hm, this is tricky. I have a couple scattered thoughts, so here they come:

How informed is your psychologist about high-masking autism?

(Which I assume is what is the meaning behind "don't seem to be very noticeable")

Do you experience social difficulties yourself? How much do you compensate/mask?

If they don't know a lot about it + if they hold conservative views on it + if you present or is socialised as feminine/a woman, it might make it especially tricky. If that is the case I recommend finding another person to diagnose you, one who recognizes masking as a symptom for autism. That was what I did.

Have you tried looking through the diagnostic criteria?

Do you see yourself in them? If so, stick to your guns and trust your guts. If not, try to figure out what else might be behind your struggles. Talk to your psychologist and ask what they think is the cause of your symptoms if not autism. Then make sure their answer feels right. If they don't give an alternative then I would personally find another therapist, tbh.

Are you familiar with atypical autism? That might be relevant to look up if you don't.

How disabled do you feel by your symptoms? If you struggle and you have the means, I think you should continue to seek a diagnosis. In the meantime, are there any accomendations you can make for yourself? (Eg. Headphones, schedules, stim toys, allowing yourself to not mask when safe etc).

I, as a complete stranger on the internet, want to remind you that what you are experiencing is valid, and if you have the means + want to find closure you have the right to do so.

No matter what you decide, I'm sure it will be the best for you, and I encourage you to do what feels right to you personally.

I wish you the best <3

I’m looking for advice on whether I should continue pursuing an autism diagnosis. I got my results from my comprehensive psych assessment. They didn’t diagnose me with autism because my ADOS score was too low, but they said my symptoms seem consistent with Asperger’s (even though I know it’s a problematic term) and that I’m “definitely” on the autistic spectrum. On a different metric I also scored in a moderate and almost in the severe range for autism but I guess they didn’t diagnose me from that either.

My psychologist said that I just didn’t meet the clinically diagnostic level of autism because my social and communication impairments don’t seem to be very noticeable, and that even if I got a parental interview I’d likely still score in a “gray area”.

I want a diagnosis to feel more validated and get more clarity but I know some people say it has drawbacks. I’m not sure what to do or if anyone else has been in this situation before and any advice would be appreciated.

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temporaerthaervaerk · 20 hours

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Watching my hero academia for the first time, and kinda surprised at ep 61, where Bakugo says:

"If the way you admired him (ed. All Might) was correct, then does that mean my admiration was wrong,"

At first i was like "admiration can't be wrong, can it?" But then i realised that yes, it can.

Izuku admired All Might because he saved people, always. Bakugo admired him because All Might never lost.

Even as kids, Bakugo wanted power, he wanted to be the best for the sake of being the best. Izuku on the other hand wanted to help, he wanted to save, and he wanted to be depended on.

Their admiration might be equal in size and impact on their lives up to a certain poibt, but the reasons for that admiration? Those are very different.

Izuku would still have gravitated towards All Might's smile + motto, even if he wasn’t the number 1 hero.

Bakugo would have admired the number 1 hero, no matter who they were. Hell, he might even have been worse if, for example, Endeavor was number 1 because their quirks and tempers are similar

#my hero academia #izuku midoriya #mha izuku #bnha deku #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo mha #bnha izuku #kacchan #all might

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temporaerthaervaerk · 2 days

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Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken

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temporaerthaervaerk · 8 days

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temporaerthaervaerk · 10 days

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y'know, one thing i don't see get talked about much in regards to asexuality is how it feels to never be 'sexually motivated' by anything

and not just when it comes to advertisements using 'sexy' models to try and sell you stuff, but like. in general

sex as a favor, sex as a bribe, sex in exchange for whatever

casual sex, 'friends with benefits' situations, even simple flirting

it all looks a whole lot different from the perspective of someone who's immune to manipulation via sex appeal, who has virtually no understanding as to why sex would motivate someone to cheat on their partner, etc. etc.

sex is worthless to me

i mean, it's useful as a story element in fiction, but it genuinely perplexes me that sex is such a driving force behind so many aspects of irl society & of people's individual lives, for better or for worse

and that it's so deeply ingrained into how the average person views the world & various situations, because the average person feels sexual attraction, whereas i do not

i think the barrier between aces & allos is actually even deeper than it seems on the surface at times, because it's more than just the grating expectation that everyone must want to 'settle down' and have kids, it's also the fact that the majority of the world is sort of 'in' on a joke that aces will never truly be a part of

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temporaerthaervaerk · 12 days

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the group chat when i ask whos available to hang out next week

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temporaerthaervaerk · 14 days

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Just watched Unbroken (2014) and I found it really interesting, especially "The Bird".

How he sensed strength in Louie and tried to break him. How he wanted to consider him a "friend", how he broke down when it was clear Louie wouldn’t break. How clear it was that The Bird respected him, saw him as a good, strong man, that he, himself, didn’t want to hurt. How that desire not to hurt turned into more tageted attacks, because he felt compelled to do his duty, compelled to dehumanize Louie in order to enact that duty.

The way it went from "look at me, show me your strength, I dare you, let me break you," to "don't look at me, please, don't give me another reason to respect you, don't give me another reason I would want to be your friend,"

And it really is hardbreaking.

How it’s based on a true story. That shot were Louie saw a picture of The Bird as a child, and realized that... The Bird used to be a child.

Just like him.

How he was a man.

Just like him.

And it just comes full-circle.

The despair The Bird felt when he mistreated someone who refused to let him forget that he was human.

The despair Louie felt when he realized the monster who had tried to break him was human.

So achingly similar.

How painful to look at a tormentor and see yourself.

How painful to look at someone you torment and see yourself.

And how heart-breaking that Louie wanted to forgive but The Bird refused to meet.

I just... I don’t know how to feel. My heart hurts, man.

Why do we go to war? Why do we mistreat people? How much of the dramatisazion is what happened? How much is Louie's interpretation of the event?

Did the Bird regret? Did he deny his sins, claiming to have acted on behalf of "the greater good"? What happened to the men Loui killed? Their family? Did Louie forgive himself too? Or did he only extend his forgiveness to the people who hurt him?

#also #i repeatedly said to myself #“yeah i would have died there”#“oh i would have given up there”#it was almost comical #unbroken #unbroken 2014 #unbroken movie #ww2 movies #world war two #world war ii #humanity

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temporaerthaervaerk · 18 days

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I have "rule follower" autism, but I also have "this is stupid & the system needs to be completely reformed" autism.

#yeah

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temporaerthaervaerk · 18 days

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Did anyone else have a parent teach them how to stim "elegantly" as a child? So that people wouldn’t ask you to stop?

Like, my dad taught me certain socially acceptable movements that made me look sophisticated (i was five) because he "knew how hard it can be to sit still."

#actually autistic #autism #autistic things #stimmimg #autistic adult

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temporaerthaervaerk · 18 days

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I didn’t seek help until I learned passive suicide thoughts were a thing and not something that was Totally Normal.

"Oh, but I don't actually plan to do anything about is, I just don't want to exist,"

is not a sign of great mental health.

I thought that everybody just felt like that sometimes, and forced themselves to get over it.

They don't.

I wish I knew earlier, man

legitimately from ages like 12-25 i thought everyone was exhausted to the point of suicidal depression and i was just bad at handling it. kids the normal amount of suicidal ideation is NONE and if you don't physically recover by sleeping you should see a doctor

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temporaerthaervaerk · 19 days

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My thoughts on Spy x Family — tropes and subversions

(This is all just my opinion) The reason I got sucked into the manga in the first place was because I liked the tropes it advertised (fake marriage, spies, secret identities) and boy did it deliver. However, while the characters might appear to have common tropes, some of the tropes are also subverted, which makes the characters refreshing without losing familiarity, if it makes sense?

The Forgers are a parody of the quintessential nuclear family: a father, a mother, a child, and their pet (most commonly a loyal dog). Instead of introducing all components of said nuclear family in one go, the manga does it one by one— first Loid-Anya, then Loid-Yor and Yor-Anya, then Bond-Anya, and then Bond-Loid/Yor. This gives each character / dynamic its own place to shine so the readers can watch their bonds develop naturally.

Loid and Yor are both typical and atypical. Loid is a classic spy with good looks, possesses many talents, operates coolly and efficiently etc etc. However, he is also a classic “family man” who clearly cares for his family. He even has the trope of thinking childcare is the most difficult thing in the world, and he absolutely cannot understand Anya (typical fatherhood lmao). While Twilight may appear to be cold and emotionless (reinforced through Fiona’s perception of Twilight the spy vs Loid the father that readers are used to seeing), readers can see when he slips up. An example is the scene when Yor gets drunk and Loid falls unconscious in front of her, then wakes up on her lap. When faced with the idea of Yor liking him romantically, Loid looked shocked before instantly activating his Twilight mode. Loid was also very stunned by how easily he fell asleep around Yor. A flustered Loid is rare, but it’s the little scenes that add depth to his character.

Yor again has several tropes condensed in one character: the caring housewife, badass assassin, the clumsy, well-meaning, almost “comic relief” character etc etc. Yor’s irrationality acts as a foil to Loid’s rationality. Personally Yor is a refreshing character because while she can be violent and badass, she is also somewhat of a dork (seen as when she was like “oh noo I jammed my finger :c” after she killed a bunch of people). Yor acts as the housewife but her horrendous cooking is a running joke. She is freakishly strong, but also embarrassed about it at the same time. Yor might be committed to her job, but she also shows a sensitive and “normal housewife side” of being afraid of “not being good enough for Loid”. The different sides of her work together perfectly.

Influenced by the famous Mr and Mrs Smith, people would probably expect the two to be working against each other in secret while falling in love. WISE and the Garden are not direct enemies, and this trope is used for Loid and Yuri instead. We don’t get the “lovers feuding in secret”, but we get the “brothers-in-law from rival factions have to act nice in front of the sister/wife”, which is arguably a refreshing twist on this trope. This also adds to the trope of “concerned brother thinks husband is not good enough for his precious sister” as Yuri is fighting against Loid as both a brother and a SSS officer. Yuri falls into the trope of “younger brother who loves his sister a little too much”, plus he and Yor have the “smart younger kid / klutz older sibling” dynamic. However, Yuri is also shown to be an intelligent man who is dedicated to his SSS work, showing he is not as “dumb” and “Yor-obsessed” as he might seem.

Fiona is similar to Yuri in the sense she also embodies tropes of “cool emotionless character” (rationality as a foil to Yor’s irrationality) “in love with male lead” and “determined love rival”. What makes her refreshing is that by the end of her first appearance, Fiona has acknowledged Yor is superior and has a respect for her, while Yor is completely clueless about it. What could’ve turned into a petty catfight or dramatic love triangle just… never happened. (Or at least it was just one sided rivalry). Fiona knew she had lost and left. Also, Fiona’s passion for Loid is in direct contradiction to how she usually behaves like, which adds a new side of her and is quite funny.

You can also do this with the kids. I really adore Anya's character because she was an abused kid who was experimented on and gained superpowers. One would expect a character like her to be withdrawn and stoic, but she's the opposite of that. Anya is bold, fearless and curious. While Anya is clingy and has abandonment issues, she isn't shy either and isn't afraid to throw temper tantrums (even though that might anger her parents). Anya is simultaneously smart and dumb- she is very witty, has street smarts, and quite perceptive of her surroundings. However, she is shown to be struggling academically (probably because she's learning things 1/2 years above her level) and jumps to unrealistic conclusions (eg. helping Damian would immediately save the world). Lots of other mind-reading children would be tortured by the thoughts of others and end up being really mature and intelligent. Anya, however, acts like her age. She subverts the trope of "abandoned kid finds new family" "experimented child escapes from facility" but also fits right in the trope of "hilariously blunt comic relief child" and "matchmaker kid".

Reader's first impression of Becky (polished, cutesy rich girl with recognisable design) is that she'll either be 1) Anya's best friend or 2) the Mean Girl. Initially, we lean towards the latter. Becky snubbed Anya and Anya didn't care much about her. However, the "Mean Boy" role is very quickly filled in by Damian and co, then Anya punches Damian (in defence of Becky). Becky instantly transforms from "rich girl looking down on commoner girl" to the "best friend who is a huge romantic" trope. Then we receive a glimpse into Becky's backstory of how she struggled to make friends, and how she latched onto Anya. Readers already know Anya just wants to be loved and feels slightly misplaced in the upper-class Eden circle, so she also latches onto Becky. Their friendship may have developed quickly, but it's realistic for 5/6yos. Their friendship is continuously reinforced, with Becky somewhat acting as a "guide" to Eden and the upper class. Becky also supports Anya in her crazy schemes to get Damian's attention.

Damian again is full of tropes. He's the "tsundere bully" "rich, spoiled, smart kid" "second son syndrome / just wants Father to notice him" aka. a mini Draco Malfoy. Compared to everyone else, Damian is possibly one of the most typical characters. He has major daddy / older brother issues. He's spoiled, but he has a crush on Anya, so he alternates between acting like a jerk and being nice. He's in constant denial about his feelings. He is academically talented. He's like a baby version of a typical 2000s shojou manga "rich tsundere boy" love interest. However, what helped to characterise him is that chapter when he and his buddies went on that field trip. There, we see Damian without the context of both his father and Anya (aka. main plot characters). He's just a kid, having fun with his friends, being scared of worms, etc etc. This makes him more likeable.

Another note about Damian and Anya is that Damian embodies the very, very classic trope of "boy has feelings for girl but doesn't know how to deal with them so he bullies her!!". And the boy's crush justifies the bullying somehow. However, that is cleverly dealt with in the manga. Yes, Damian has a crush. No, his mean actions aren't justified. Multiple characters call him out whenever he's being a jerk, from Anya, Becky, teachers, to random classmates (eg. a girl during the arts and crafts chapter was concerned when Damian made Anya cry). Nobody says "boys will be boys" or something. Bullying is not romanticised. In latter chapters, you can see that Damian actually isn't as mean towards Anya, and most of the insults are said by his goons. (Damian doesn't stop them, thus making him a bystander, but also I don't expect much from a literal 6yo spoiled kid) There is some slight and slow character development. However, Damian's character is built on the fact that he switches between "modes" quickly (concerned mode for Anya, spoiled brat mode due to his upbringing, obedient son mode because his father doesn't care), so even though it might appear that he hasn't changed because he is still constantly switching being mean and nice, I personally feel like he has matured slightly. I was very relieved when for ONCE the good ole crush/bullying trope isn't heavily romanticised by the manga and its characters.

As a last point about Anya, I think her mind reading powers acts as an excellent plot device to help readers know more about the thoughts of characters. Usually this is delivered in the form of monologues, but Anya's live reaction/ commentary to said monologues (live Anya reaction anybody?) makes it funnier and more interesting. We can visibly see Anya's shock when character tropes get subverted (eg. Fiona declaring her love for Twilight while putting on an emotionless facade, Damian suddenly being "not a jerk").

I do really enjoy the character design and the first impressions we get, only for said impressions to be somewhat subverted. When characters show their different sides, it's usually quite funny but it also makes sense. In my opinion the characters (or at least the main cast) in SxF are all charming and memorable.

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temporaerthaervaerk · 21 days

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Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens

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temporaerthaervaerk · 22 days

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fucking love when I'm on a call with someone and they start to do a little errand or go somewhere else and they say "and you're coming with me" like. absolutely I am let's go on an adventure I've been spirited away

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temporaerthaervaerk · 23 days

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Oh, and also! More useful terms to google:

- Atypical autism

- AuDHD (overlaps)

- Masking / Camouflage autism

Hello, my name is Big Mess of a Person, and here is some reasons I think I'm autistic.

If you have autism, please skim this? (Or read it in massive depth if you want) and please just let me know what you think. I really want more opinions.

Notes, before we get into it

- All of this is speculation. These are all things that I have noticed that some of my autistic friends do, that I also do

-While I don't have an autism diagnosis, I am diagnosed with ADHD, and it is very severe. I know they share a few traits so I have really just convinced myself it's my ADHD and nothing else. I am at a point where I want other people's opinions

- I am aware that having just a few of these traits does not mean I am autistic. I am making this post to mainly ask autistic people what they think. I want more opinions before I talk to my parents about it (my dad will not be super willing to get me tested)

- I know that if I do have autism, it is not very severe. I know it's easy to say that we would've known if it was 'bad' enough but it would not surprise me if we missed this for 16 years. My ADHD hit us straight in the face for 14 years and no one had any idea until we talked to my doctor

Alright, time to type it all out (yay.)

1. If people touch or move my things, it is very possible I will break down in one of two ways depending on how I'm feeling that day. I will either want to scream or break down and weep. Example(s)

- My grandfather came over this weekend while I went to his house. He stayed in my room. (As much as I love him, I did not want him in my room, I asked if we could offer him my sister's room (she's away at college) but he chose my room and he was helping us so I had to deal with it) He knocked over two of my Monster High dolls, and he put them back where they went, but just seeing them messed with and not how I put them made me want to cry. This combined with everything else that was going on made me have what I think was a meltdown. (You will get more context to last night as we go on)

- Despite us changing the sheets, just seeing my bed not how I have it made me also want to cry. It didn't feel like it was my bed anymore. We fixed it, but my room doesn't feel like my room. This is a stupid way to put it, but it's accurate, the vibe is off. It's not the vibe of my bedroom. So it doesn't feel like my room. I wanted to cry (spoiler alert, I did cry)

- This combines #1 and #2, #2 already had a lot of examples so im putting it here. My hands have been really dry recently and so I got this moisturizer. I forgot to bring it to my grandma's so my hands have been extremely dry and cracky which makes me want to die within itself, but that's not the point right now. Because we are redoing the bathroom, my hand moisturizer has been moved to an unknown location so I had to use one that has the wrong texture, feeling and smell.

2. I have very bad texture/smell/feeling(?) problems. The word is sensory. It's like an hour after I first wrote this. The word I was looking for is sensory. Example(s)

- I am a known sock hater and it's because they sometimes feel loose around my ankles. Anything loose around my ankles makes me want to scream and cry all at the same time. This has been true my entire life. It's why I don't wear certain shoes, or certain pants. If there is anything near my ankles it has to be an even pressure, or nothing at all

- Anything on my hands that is not meant to be there makes my blood boil. I need to wash it off as soon as possible. Even unsolicited water makes me feel like this. My hands can't be wet (or anything else) without me wanting them to be or else I lose my mind

- Anything on the bottoms of my feet (like dust, dirt, random shit on the floor) makes me feel very uncomfortable and I want to cry. An example from last night is the dust that covers my bathroom floor right now because we are redoing it. There is construction dust covering my floors (every damn room in the house) and the idea of walking into my bedroom with my feet covered in this dust made me freak out. I was nearly in tears. I was so upset that I froze. I couldn't move or speak or anything without wanting to cry even more. I had to walk back into the bathroom and get a wet cloth then walk on the sides of my feet till I could sit on the edge of my bed, then I wiped my feet off. Now, if I have to leave my bed or couch, I am putting my slippers on. There's a lot more that I'm not typing, that I think is necessary, but it would be so much more and I'm not good at typing so it probably wouldn't make sense anyway

- Right now my scalp makes me want to scream. Because of the bathroom being redone right now, we can't shower. (part of the reason I went to my grandmas house) I showered before I came home yesterday but I used the wrong shampoo and conditioner, so my hair looks like shit. I needed to go to school today so I woke up and dry shampooed it so I didn't look like a greasy mess. Normally I can deal with the texture being wrong, and the horrible smell that bubbles around me all day, and the cloudy look it gives me hair, but after everything else I could not do it today and so I started crying, which is why I am even typing this right now, because I'm not going to school today. So it was for nothing and now my hair feels bad and I still cant shower and I am probably gonna have to do it again tomorrow or use the sink to shampoo and condition my hair

3. I go into stretches where I am almost completely non verbal. If I am overwhelmed or anything I can go into stretches where I don't speak, or interact with anyone. People touching me makes me feel worse and it's hard to tell them to stop without yelling or seeming mad. It makes me feel really shitty because it's not always their fault, but I snap at them anyway. I am often very shaky during this and it's hard for me to use my arms and legs to move or hold things. I don't have any specific examples right now, but I will add them if I find some (It's really just as I typed it though)

4. This one I'm a bit unsure if this is autism, or just me being weird, but I am very good with sympathy, and I lack empathy. I can very well feel bad for someone, feel sorry for them, and i often give people the benefit of a doubt when I don't know their situation, but I don't feel bad for that long? I don't feel it with them. This doesn't mean I think they shouldn't feel that way, I understand why they do, I just don't feel that way. I think I need some examples to explain this one so, Example(s)

- Let's say someone is in a car ahead of me. They are driving slow and maybe not doing everything they should be. While my mom who's driving gets slightly annoyed and huffy, I think "what if they are a new driver? I know what it's like to be a new driver and I know I wouldn't be doing it on purpose" then I am ok being behind a slower car (this is one side of the coin)

- Lets say my friend got into an argument with her dad last night. She tells me how it makes her feel. While I am sorry that she got into an argument, and I do feel bad, it's not taking up any of my mental space. I will understand if she is off, but I don't feel any level of "feeling what she's feeling" even though I am very familiar with getting into upsetting arguments with my own dad.

- This is very similar to the last but still different so I'm giving it a category. Let's say my friend tells me about something bad that happened in their life. I don't think about it all the time. It doesn't affect me in any way. Though if I were to tell my friend about the same thing she acts like it affects her personally

This friend I am talking about is a very sympathetic and empathetic person, so maybe I just don't relate to it like she does and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me even though we are just different. I think the gist is, I don't understand that type of feeling well. Even if I have experience in the situation, I don't relate it and hold onto it. I may make the connection, but then that's it. While I feel bad for them, and understand why they may be acting different, it doesn't affect me or bother me. It takes up no space in my head. It's not that I don't care, but it just doesn't stick in my mind. I am really unsure if this is autism or not? I know having autism messes with perceiving feelings and emotions from others so I'm putting this just in case. Speaking of perceiving feelings and emotions from others, that moves us to #5!

5. This may be a normie thing that I just don't know is a normie thing but better be safe than sorry. I am hyper aware of how other people in the room feel. I know autism can include not reading the room well but I've heard that it can also be reading the room REALLY well. Example(s)

- I can walk into a room and understand how everyone is feeling. I am really good at reading body language and listening to tone of voice. If this is something that could be autism, I think it is part of the reason it has taken this long for anyone to realize I might have it. I am good at reading body language and tone of voice, so I am good at using it to portray how I feel (and to cover up how I feel). I am constantly changing how I say things and changing my hang gestures and the way I am holding myself to portray the emotions I want people to read.

I have no idea if that is autism, but I think it could be. So here, have it, I guess

6. I know a lot of people with autism fidget, and this is similar? I don't know what it's called (if it even has a name) but when an autistic person will like, express a big emotion through body language. Like, jumping when excited, or shaking hands when nervous. That thing? I don't know what it's called and I hate describing it in a way that makes it seem minimal and I feel like the description I just gave definitely makes it seem minimal. I'm not trying to do that, I just don't know what it's called. Anyway, here's what I mean? Example(s)

- I will shake my hands when I am nervous. I shake them like I'm trying to get water off of them

- I crack my knuckles under high pressure situations or when I'm nervous

- If I get really excited I will usually jump or kinda run in place?

I feel like the way I am describing this one is off somehow. I don't know how, but from my perspective I feel like I'm objectifying this? I don't know if I am. But I'm honestly not trying to do this I just don't know how else to type it. It's a sensory thing, I know that, I just don't know how to explain it? I'm gonna move on from this.

Ok, this is all of the reason I can think of right now. I'm sure there's more, and I will update this as needed. It's taken me like two hours to type all this out, so I'm done for now.

If anyone actually reads this and has feedback thank you. I appreciate it. I hope I didn't do anything that is considered bad to do. I'm not trying to. I'm not normally on this side of Tumblr. I don't even know if "this side" exists!

I'm gonna use tags to try and get people to see this, so, sorry if I use the wrong tags. I don't know what the correct ones would be. Sorry if the tags are weird. I want people to see this. I really need advice and other opinions. I'm not trying to self diagnose with the tags, I just want people to see this.

Sorry if I'm acting weird in this. I feel very bad right now. I don't feel like my normal self probably because of everything that happened last night. (I didn't cover even half of it)

Ok, done for now. I will reblog with new thoughts as they arrive.

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temporaerthaervaerk · 23 days

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Hi! Recently Diagnosed Person here :))

Okay, so first of all: No need to worry or apologize. Not knowing something isn't a sin. I have a couple of thoughts, so in no specific order:

- The "fidgetting" thing is a form of self-stimulation used to regulate yourself. We call it "stimming" in everyday language, and that's ALSO something associated with ADHD

- I 100% think it's a good idea to talk to someone about this, especially since you also have ADHD, and having both isn't uncommon. Your symptoms are valid and I recognize a lot of them. They might be a symptom of autism or something else, but I think finding that out might be just good for you. I can't say definitively yes or no, since I don't know you, but I think it's reasonable for you to speculate.

- Here's something you might find valuable to know. When diagnosing Autism, there is 3 parts they look at: 1) sensory issues, 2) social difficulties, 3) need for routine and repetitive behaviour.

I recommend that you look up 'diagnostic criteria autism' and read about what they entail – and if you see yourself in them.

The empathy thing is... difficult to answer. I have A LOT of empathy, bordering on Hyper Empathy, to the point were it's part of what I struggle a lot with (eg. I once hugged a classmate as she cried, and felt her sadness for litterally a week clinging to me). But some autistic people don't have that. Some people have low empathy, some have no empathy, som have cognitive empathy etc. I recommend looking up "affective empathy", "cognitive empathy", and "the double empathy problem, autism", if you want to know more.

Last but not least: if you can find it within yourself to wash your hair in the sink, do it. Even if you have to do so in the kitchen. You'll feel better. Your sensory issues are real and you should do your best to accommedate them.

I hope you talk to someone about this, because no matter if it's autism or not, it's bothering you, and it will do you good to know why. Figuring out why might be the first step to find some useful coping strategies.

I wish you the best!! If you have anymore questions, don't hesitate to ask. I can't give you a definitive answer/diagnose you, but I researched autism quite a bit when I started questioning if I were autistic, and I wouldn't mind helping you find out more about it :))