#you know the ones. goddamn i can't wait to be on a beach somewhere ...

[hajimehinata]

gone fishing

day 9 : wound ( from @adfaugust )

this isn’t the war they were promised, not even close. no safety in trenches, no bombs deployed from the air, far away from any damage. instead, they’re thick in the jungle, getting their heads blown off by traps, assailants nowhere to be seen. paul didn’t even want to be here, fought the draft to the last second, and now here he is, clutching a rifle and feeling sick to his stomach. wishes, not for the first time, that he’s just one of the ladies in the sick bay. sure, the injuries are horrible, but it’s better than being out here. 

he’s playing nurse right now, surprised by his own strength as he starts lugging bear to the bushes, rifle swung dangerously over his back, where he can’t take it out if someone attacked. he needs his arms, anyway; bear’s in no shape to walk. he’s losing blood fast, a bullet in the side. and when paul pulls up his shirt to check, there isn’t an exit wound. considers, stupidly, if he could just pluck it out with his fingers, but he knows that’ll be worse, that he’s gonna give bear an infection. which he’s sure the poor guy already has, or maybe he’s just delirious from the pain.

“paul,” bear coughs, and he shows his teeth in a smile that’s gnarly, but not in a good way. it still seizes paul like his hand’s got a heart in its vice grip, and the sight of him must do something for the guy, since that grin only gets wider. “at home, in the barn… we got this kayak.”

bear’s got a tone in his voice that tells paul he’s on some long-winded story. he debates telling bear to save his strength, but there’s a real chance he’ll die out here before paul can get him help, so he lets it go. “yeah? what … what kayak?”

“beautiful — ” and bear cuts himself off with a series of coughs, blood coming up on his shirt in a way that makes paul feel faint — “beautiful boat. some men like their fancy cars and impressing women with ‘em. like their… their speedboats. but there ain’t no better joy than being the engine to your own vehicle.” still smiling broadly, bear claps a hand over paul’s. “i’ll take you out one day. once the war’s over. once the fish come back.”

“you’ll get there,” paul promises, shirt off so he can use it as a bandage, ripped all the way around and then some so he can get it wrapped. bear’s always been a big guy, hence the nickname, but he’s stronger than anyone else paul’s ever known. a little rough around the edges, and dante never liked him, but paul’s never liked dante much either. at least, he don’t got a lot of faith in the guy. paul didn’t know much about bear before getting drafted, where bear was already on his last few years. seemed like, if all went well, paul’d get out of this place four months before bear’s time was up. he signed up, twice — but he’s still in the trenches like all the other draftees. makes paul wonder if there was ever much of a choice. but bear sticks up for the little guy, and he prays with whoever needs it. lotta guys here are turning to faith. hard not to when people’s legs and arms are getting blasted off, when they go flying. and bear always matches paul drink for drink, indulges him when they get too drunk to keep pretending there ain’t an issue with what they’re doing.

he remembers now, suddenly, how many times bear has clapped him on the shoulder and told him he’s a good man. asked him earnestly if he’d make sure sharon’s cared for if he don’t make it back. paul has to wonder if bear knows. if he knows what feelings paul’s had for his girl. what feelings he used to have about bear — jealous and envious and hateful and awed all at once. similar, he guesses, to how he feels about his cousin. 

bear squeezes paul’s hand. “we’ll get there.” paul’s always wondered why bear talks like he’s older than he is, like he’s on his deathbed. it makes it all the more chilling, knowing this is just a normal conversation, that bear could be anything, could be drinking or taking a swim or laughing by the fire, but instead, he’s dying and he talks the same.

paul flags down a tank and a couple of guys work to hoist bear up onto it, planning to take him out to where the copter can pick him up, take him to a hospital. can barely bring himself to let go of bear’s hand. “just take it easy, buddy. don’t you dare die on me.”

the guy only laughs, soft and self-loathing. “take care of sharon for me. take care of her.”

and when paul sees joyce with the bottle of alcohol, his lips twitch. gaze drifting to the woman bleeding out on the couch. and when he’s asked how she’s doing, he says, hard to say. i’ve seen it go a lot of different ways. cause it’s true. what’s also true is that a lot of those guys that made it still strung themselves up in the end, or took a bullet to their skull, or drowned themselves in drink. sure, the physical wound mended up, no infections, but what they suffered up there? in their minds? it ain’t as easy as getting an operation done.

see, paul and bear both made it out of vietnam. but they never went fishing on that kayak.

#as dusk falls #paul hayes #bear holt #sharon holt #adfaugust2023 #pan writes #ive always been really fascinated by bear's and paul's dynamic esp since theyre both war vets that have clear ptsd and also served together #but i also really love thinking about what bear must have been like when he was young #since joyce compares dale to bear and even bear himself compares dale to him #so it's clear there IS a parallel there. so i love writing those parallels in #since it's not really ... i guess IMMEDIATELY obvious in the game itself? #also yes there is a kayak in the barn. idk why there is one but it's there so this fic kind of hinges on #the kayak + the parallel to dale's lines when he's about to get shot by the sniper #you know the ones. goddamn i can't wait to be on a beach somewhere ... #eating tamales ... drinking tequila ... #and im like paul if you were there you'd be SCREAM SOBBING 'you'll get there' #anyway this is just a quick and dirty little thing for bear x paul

[oersteds]

So I got this in a comment. You have forced my hand, @harpykurry

Twiz Lore Summary (With Shitposts)

Massive amount of "jesus christ, dude" energy below the cut. You've been warned.

This. is Twiz. (Art by this person on Toyhouse go check 'em out they're cool)

Twiz has magic. A lot of magic. She's also stupid with it. Unfortunately, she has a very powerful brand of magic...

The dumbass can ressurrect anyone she wants. Do not give her a corpse, she will ressurrect it, even if she has no idea who she's rezzing.

Even if she ends up ressurrecting a Demon King.

Okay, I know he turns to dust in the game, but SHHH. He got a corpse because someone else fucked up with a ressurrection. They weren't even trying to ressurrect Oersted, which makes this dumber!!! They ended up casting Summon Random Corpse From Literally Nowhere because ressurrection magic is a Complete Fucking Bitch to use for most people.

So, Oersted, after the events of the game, ends up having his corpse wash up on a beach. Cool.

Twiz sees this. She decides to ressurrect him. She has no idea who this shmuck is, or what he's done, or what he might do when ressurrected. She just wants to be ""helpful"" and ""kind"" by ressurrecting EVERY GODDAMN CORPSE SHE CAN FIND. TWIZ. NO.

By the way, for Twiz, ressurrecting someone is very painful. It's like her personal brand of Bone Hurting Juice. There's no serious long-term consequences for it, but it just fuckin' hurts, man. So poor Oersted gets rezzed, and the first thing he sees is Twiz, collapsed on the sand, quietly whining in pain. She goes "ow oogh my bones," probably. He's utterly flabberghasted at these events, too much to even angst about his life right now. Not to mention that he feels like he got woken up from a good nap.

(I HC that most ""afterlives"" are just the dead people going to bed. Forever. This is why ressurrection magic is legal in my goofy little world, since around 85% of the time, you're just waking them up from the Big Bed In The Sky. Good morning, Oersted.)

(The 15% rate of a Not Sleeping afterlife comes into play.)

Twiz recovers from the Bone Hurting status effect she placed on herself. She only sometimes questions why she hasn't been killed by a freshly-rezzed person while in that state. Maybe they're just sleepy? Not everyone's all too grateful to be rezzed, after all. "You denied me my warrior's death!" is one she gets a lot from, well, warriors. Anyways. She says hi to Oersted, maybe does a little Chrom from Fire Emblem Awakening impression while helping him up to his feet. Y'know. The usual Twiz shit.

Shockingly enough, Oersted... sorta enjoys not being dead. Go figure, considering the events of the game. They pal around a little. Twiz shows him around the nearby town, and before Twiz decides "hey, who even is this guy?" she instead helps him get settled in an inn for the night.

That night, Oersted starts wondering: "hey wait a sec. How The Fuck Am I Alive." and then he asks the innkeeper (Twiz went to bed for the night. Plus, she's a very heavy sleeper. And she's deep in a dream convo. More on that soon.) So the innkeeper exposition dumps onto Oersted regarding ressurrection magic. How it's a bitch to pull off properly in most cases, and how Twiz is, to be bluntly honest, a fucking moron for ressurrecting a stranger. They finish by noting how people can't be ressurrected without a corpse to ressurrect. So, surely someone got his corpse from somewhere... but who would...?

Well. That doesn't matter, right now. What matters is that a certain Magical Bastard (Straybow) is Sliding Into Twiz's Dreamscape DMs right now, as we speak. And he wants something. Something very specific.

He wants to be rezzed. He just started calling every healer on his dumb little Ghost Phone in his dumb little Not Sleeping afterlife, asking the same question to each of them. He doesn't care who's rezzing him. He just wants to be rezzed. He's gotten a lot of "yea sure ok" from various healers, not realizing that he can't really be rezzed without a corpse... There is an exception, though he doesn't know this either.

That exception is Twiz. Yep. When I said "anyone," I fully meant "ANYONE." She's just the Rez Mage, I guess. She does have some offensive spells, so yes, pun fully intended.

The next morning, Twiz is in a liiiiiiittle bit of a magic coma. Y'see, she can ressurrect anyone she wants... But rezzing someone without a corpse is Very Fucking Tiresome. Being the exception sucks. Not to mention she just ressurrected someone else the very same day. She's totally spent, knocked the fuck out, so she can't do anything about the total goddamn shitstorm she just reignited.

Before the inevitable fight gets physical, the dragons attack. Yep. Part 2 coming. Eventually.

#Jesus Fucking Christ this is long #Whoever asked for this. I am so sorry. #This is why Twiz's name kills any conversation. #This. This goddamn shitpost of a backstory. #And? I've got more memes. #I will use said memes. #You have unleashed the metaphorical dragon here. #And there's no putting it back. #lal fc #spoiler tag #twizposting #cw death mention #tw death mention

[give-soup-please]

I warned you about those stairs man /ref

Anyways!

Swing music is super duper catchy. Just the beats for it, and the use of instruments make me go insane!

I get some music being very all over! I know some music can be super overwhelming. Like heavy metal? Very overwhelming.

This will be my last question since I'm very eepy so be ready!

If tomorrow it was told that you were to be gone, what would you do. You can give multiple answers if you want if you just can't decide.

My personal answer would be to just live it out. Say my goodbyes sure but live my life regularly. Maybe I'll go all out but mainly just living life. Because that's what I do the best at!

Can't wait to hear your response. It's been fun speaking!

(waves) it's been nice being social through the inbox. stay safe, ok?

going to change the wording of your question just a bit, hope that's alright

if i had 24 hours to live... let's say 9AM-9AM the next day.

i'd wake up at my usual time: 8:30am i'd shower. drink some caffiene get that shit outta the way so the day will at least start on a positive note. i would probably try and eat at all my favorite places. these names won't make sense to anyone who hasn't lived in my hometown, but that's okay.

bill's cafe for breakfast- they have cream cheese bagels that they serve with eggs benedict and smoked salmon. goddamn.

india garden for lunch- chicken tikka masala with naan bread, and mango lassi to drink. goddamn.

either between the two meals or just after lunch, i'd head to my parents place and... either apologize for not being who they wanted me to be, or egg their house. depends on how vindictive i am the day of. i have a complicated relationship with them, so...

either way, i know for a fact that i would straight up tell my mom she should have been kinder to me. because she should have been.

then i'd go to meadowlark dairy for ice cream. they have a orange/vanilla swirl that kicks ass.

after that, i'd drive to monterey bay. check out the shops, have some salt water taffy, get to the docks for an early dinner of clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl... my favorite meal. bonus points if i can track down that one restaurant that serves them with strawberry daiquiris.

i'd walk to the beach afterwards, maybe enter into the ocean to feel it for one last time. after that, i'd sit down on the sand and get to work.

i'd go on discord, message all my friends, tell them how i really felt about them. i'd tell them how much i loved them. i'd dedicate as many paragraphs as i could to them as the timer clicked down. i'd probably watch the sunset on the beach if the timing was right. chances are, i'd be crying while doing that last part. if i knew i was dying, i don't think i'd have the courage to look my friends in the eye while i told them emotional things.

when it would be too cold at the beach- anyone who's been there after sunset knows the temperature drops quickly- i'd probably see if i could find somewhere open late that serves hot chocolate. i'd keep walking around til late at night.

after that, i'd find somewhere warm to sit and call my godfather. my godfather is someone who survived cancer twice. he knows a lot about close brushes with death, and there's no one else i'd want at my side while i grieve.

i know under the circumstances, he would stay up with me all night. we would talk about everything, and anything, and nothing at all. maybe he'd keep me company until the sun rises the next day.

after the sun is up, but before 9AM, i'd head back down to the beach with a bottle of strawberry moscato. i'd savor the taste, finish the bottle, and close my eyes. maybe i'd fall asleep so i wouldn't see it coming.

i'd die listening to the waves and feeling the sun on my skin. that'd be a nice way to go out.

#stairs anon

[lihikainanea]

leiiiiiii, can you please write something where bill and tiger's travelling on new years eve but their flight gets cancelled due to the snow and theyve been there for around 8 hours now and theyre still there when the countdown happens but theyre like "youre here with me, we got irish coffee and thats all that matters"

I am so soff for this. In general, airports just get me feeling all kinds of emotional--nostalgic, wanton, you name it. I've always been that way, even before my job had me traveling the globe.

So like, New Year's Eve right? I've always hated NYE because I've always spent it alone and it just seemed depressing. I slept through it this year. But in any case, our two favourite idiots are scheduled to fly out early in the afternoon--somewhere tropical, somewhere warm. Tiger booked two weeks off work, Bill isn't working until at least February, so the plan is to piss off to somewhere warm and ring in the new year under the moonlight on an isolated beach.

But Mother Nature is a beach all on her own and she has different plans. And they get stuck at the airport--except it's one of those really annoying delays, where first the flight is only delayed one hour. Thennnnn right as they're supposed to board, it's announced that it's delayed again--by two hours. And then another hour. They blink and it's already been like, 8 hours and had they known, Bill would have just cancelled the flight and rebooked for the next day. But 8 hours in, and somehow the flight is STILL supposed to leave at some point that day--just nobody knows when.

And tiger is having a bit of a meltdown, because she always gets a little small when she travels with her Big Dude but now she's also surrounded by people who are hella annoyed, people who are angry, all kinds of bad energy and the whole unknown of when their flight will leave, if the resort will keep their reservation, just...everything.

"Nuh uh," Bill interrupts when he sees her start to bite the nail on her thumb, "It's for me to worry about, kid. And do I look worried?"

She looks at him, small as hell, but she doesn't answer.

"Tiger," he says harshly. It's what she needs.

"No," she mumbles quietly.

"So there's nothing to worry about," he tells her, "We'll get there when we get there, and our vacation will start then."

He makes sure she's warm, because airports are always freezing. He gets her food, and gives her a stern look when she shakes her head. He gets her wine. And eventually, as the clock ticks on, they're nearing midnight--exhausted, pretty annoyed, but Bill's main concern is just making sure tiger is okay and not absorbing any of the frantic negativity running rampant around her.

"Come kid," he says gently. He'd tell her to wait there but he'd rather she be glued to his side. He brings her to the duty free, and he buys a pretty goddamn expensive bottle of champagne. Tiger doesn't say anything, just keeps a tight grip on his hand.

Then he walks them to a nearby bar in the terminal, slides the bartender a few bills and then a bucket of ice and two champagne flutes appear before them. Tiger goes to get settle on a barstool, but Bill loops his arm around her waist.

"This way m'lady," he says gallantly. He walks into the lounge--he's allowed in, but tiger marvels sometimes at just his sheer stature and his confidence. he has every right to be there, but nobody even asks him for his boarding pass or any proof. He just waltzes in, grabs a key from a wall, brings her down a hallway, scans his boarding pass, and then opens the door.

Tiger blinks in surprise when he flicks on the lights and she sees....a bathroom, complete with a shower.

"They have showers in airports?" she asks, dumbfounded.

"A godsend," he smirks, filling up the bucket of ice with cold water. "Nothing makes you feel more alive after 18 hours of travelling than a hot shower."

"What are you doing Billy?" she asks, and god with the tone of her voice, he can't help but bend, take her face in his hands, and kiss her real slowly.

"It's 10 minutes to midnight kid," he murmurs against her mouth, "And while we're not on the beach, I'll be damned if we don't make it special all the same."

He sticks the champagne bottle in the bucket of ice and cold water, props the flutes up on the sink, and sets his timer to 10 minutes. He picks her up, takes a seat on the one chair in the bathroom and puts her on his lap.

"Are you okay?" he asks genuinely, weaving a hand through her hair, "There's a lot going on."

"This helps," she says quietly, "This makes it better."

"Good," he smiles, and he taps his thumb against her lips. She turns her head initially, but after a soft tut from him she nips at it, then slides it into her mouth.

"My sweet girl," he praises.

Before long there's only a few minutes left to the countdown, and he gently sets her back on her feet. He pops the bottle of champagne, pours two full glasses, and hands her one.

"To us," he raises his glass.

"Us," she murmurs, "Always."

"Ten....nine..." he starts to countdown, and at the five second mark, he pulls her in for a deep, lingering kiss--one that lasts well beyond the stroke of midnight.

"Happy new year kid," he murmurs, clinking his glass to hers.

"Happy new year, bud."

#bill skarsgard #BFF!Bill #bill skarsgard drabble #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfic #bill skarsgard fiction

[agentsoftie]

Sleepless Nights ( S.R )

summary: Reid and Y/N aren’t the most fond of each other. So what happens when they can’t sleep, have to share a bed, and be married.

pairing: Spencer Reid and female reader

a/n: AHH okay so here it is! It’s my first au so it’s probably not the best. But big thanks to @anepiphany! Ani baby none of this would be happening without you! Thank you for you tips and making me not go insane! Also pls tell me if I slept something wrong cuz like, your girl not the best when it comes to it. Also there will def be a loophole somewhere in my case and if you find one, just let it slide because life is filled with loopholes ❤️ also this is gonna be a two parter!

warnings: mentions of a case, little angst (like the smallest amount), fluff really though

remember to like and reblog!!

You were always the type of person that got along with everyone. And by everyone you meant everyone. You were a people pleaser, always changing your personality for someone. To the security guard, you were a sports junkie, always catching the latest games. To the guy who worked at the bookshop, you were the classical girl. And to the barista, you were the girl who was always late but always paid 3 dollars extra tip. But Dr. Spencer Reid was the only exception. 6’1 and standing tall. Mr. Eidetic Memory and 187 IQ but oh God how you cared for him. You loved him, you loved him more than all the moons in the galaxy. But him? He hated you, so naturally, you hated him too. As the saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them.

“Guys we got a new case,” Garcia says.

You walked into the room and sat to the seat closest to the front where Garcia would be since she was your best friend. Ironically that was the seat farthest from Reid.

“Okay, so this is Mira Normen and her husband John Normen. They had gotten married 2 months prior to their deaths. Mira was 25 years old and she was a teacher at the local middle school. John was 26 and he ran a local pet grooming business. As you can see, but not me for obvious reasons, they were both stabbed once in their chest and then once in their thigh. Mira was shot once in the heart and once in the head and John was shot twice in the heart and twice in the throat. The M.E. found a ring stuffed into both of their throats. And not the cheap kind, I mean a year's worth of salary for one of us.”

“Okay, so this guy’s rich,” You said.

“Yeah, no shit sherlock,” Reid said.

“Guys,” Hotch said in a stern voice “Garcia do we know anything else?”

“Yes actually. They were both last spotted at an event for rich people. So like something Rossi would go to.” She said, chuckling at the last part.

“You and I both know very well that I do not go to those kinds of events. I stay at home for god sakes.” Rossi says causing you and a couple of other people to chuckle.

“Why does this case sound so familiar?” JJ asks, breaking the chuckles.

“Well there was a case exactly like this a couple of years back if my memory is correct, which it always is. We tried to solve it but we just couldn't so it ended up as a cold case.” Reid said.

“And everythings the same?” JJ asked.

“Yep, everything. Well except the city.” Reid said.

“Great, well i think we got everything. Wheels up in 30.” Hotch says while getting up.

-------

You sat alone, like always. At first everyone was concerned, like they had done something, but they then soon realized that you just liked to be alone and this was really the only time.

“Okay, so I checked if anyone had moved in the years and I have 5 names. Thomas Maddison, Stephanie June, Eliza Honeycutt, Devi Paradise, and Klaus Hiller. And only one moved to our little town and that would be Miss Eliza Honeycutt.” Garcia said.

“Can you ch-” Morgan was saying but got cut off when she said

“Already did ‘Hot Chocolate’. Miss Eliza moved a total of 3 months after the case. Looks like it was due to a messy divorce. Her and Mr. Maddison had not been going strong for the last couple of months and it looks like they decided to call quits just before you guys came to town.”

“Can you-” Morgan started to say but then was again cut off by Garcia.

“Already got you babes. The address should be sent to your tablets.” Everyone was still looking at her, “that means look at your tablets.” She says while gesturing her hands making them look down.

“We got it babygirl,” Morgan said without being interrupted.

“Great! Now, this is the time I leave and let you amazing little people do your jobs!” And with that, she was out and so were you.

-------

It was 10 pm when you got to the hotel. You weren't exhausted but you definitely were not in the mood to solve a murder or multiple in this case. You all had checked in now was your favorite time of all choosing rooms. You never bunked with anyone unless Garcia, but that's if she ever came on a case. Emily and JJ were already gone, same with Hotch and Rossi. You were about to grab the key for the single room but Morgan got it before you.

“Sorry hot stuff, I need room alone this time.”

“What!? Why!?”

“I don't need to explain myself to you Y/N,” Moran says, and just like that he was gone.

You and Reid grabbed the keys without looking at each other and walked in the elevator. You both did not make any eye contact until you got into the room. There was only one bed. You immediately called room service but they said that there were no more rooms available so you two were stuck with that one.

“Okay, which one of us is gonna sleep on the floor?” you heard Reid say.

“Excuse me,?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh stop being such a baby Reid. We both know that if you don't sleep on a bed or something remotely similar you get all grumpy and get headaches all day. And if I don't sleep on a bed or something similar I get high on caffeine and get paranoid. So for the sake of the team, we are gonna sleep on the goddamn bed together!”

He didn't know you paid attention to him like that. Sure everyone knew that he would get grumpy, but headaches? No one, not even JJ. He didn't like to tell people about them fearing of being babied around even more than he already is. Although he did know that whenever you don't get enough sleep not only do you high on caffeine, but you have nightmares. You never told anyone except Garcia of course. He’d realized that you had nightmares after a group holiday to Rossi’s beach house, he heard you talking in your sleep and there were not good things being said.

“Okay geez fine whatever. Are you gonna go shower first, or am I”

“Me obviously,” you say while getting your clothes.

The water was hot when you got in, just how you like it. You started to soak your hair in the water needing to cool down a little and prepare yourself for the days ahead of you. All you could think about was sharing the same bed with him. With the guy, you're in love with but doesn’t know. And will never know.

After 30 minutes you got out of the shower and changed. You wore a pair of shorts and a loose flowy t-shirt which you had knotted after putting it on because it was too big. After you brushed your teeth, did your skincare, and brushed your hair.

“Finally, how long does it take?” You heard Reid say while you were walking out of the bathroom. He didn't look up until you sat on the bed turning the tv on.

“It takes 40 minutes Reid, it always takes 40 minutes. But you would never know because you've never had a girl stay over,”

“Oh, you're so funny aren't you,” he says in an annoyed way.

���Yeah, I am.” You said smirking while looking up expecting to see him annoyed but instead greeted with a small smile which was then washed away quickly by the sound of his voice.

“Okay, I'm gonna go take a shower now. Don't wait up.”

“ I won't, don't worry.” You say while he goes into the bathroom. You swear you saw him smile. It may have been small but it was there.

-------

“You waited for me.” You hear while turning off the tv. He was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. His hair was an absolute mess, and you could tell that he had to take a shower in not the hottest water.

“Ha, yeah no. You took like 10 minutes, did you think I was gonna fall asleep in 10 minutes.”

“Yeah well, that's what happens when you take up most of the hot water.”

“I'm sorry, you should have gone in the shower first.”

“You wanted to go into the shower first!”

“Okay and? Look, can we just go to bed or something? We have a long ass day ahead of us.”

You felt the bed dip and got chills all over. He didn't seem to notice, thankfully. You were cold, but not cold enough to want to layer up. You looked over and the time and it read 11:15. You tried to sleep, but you just couldn't. So again you looked over and read 11:39, and then it was 12:06. You felt like you were going insane.

“Why are you still up?” Reid said in a raspy voice while turning over to face you.

“Huh? Oh, um, I couldn't, can't sleep.”

“Ugh, fine come here.”

“What?” Before you could say anything he had wrapped his arm around you and forced you to nuzzle up against his chest. It actually felt pretty nice. You felt like you were on top of the world and that everything was going to be okay. You put your arm on him after processing what was happening. He then pulled you in closer and when you looked up at him you realized that he was knocked out, gone like a light in one of those horror movies. And before you realized it you were out too.

-------

“Y/L/N wake up,” is all you hear. The sun was barely out yet, so naturally, you just wanted to go back asleep.

“5 more minutes”

“Fine.” Although he didn't want to say anything or admit in this case. This was the best sleep that he’d gotten in a while. At first, he thought it was because of the way he slept but he then quickly realized that it was because of you. With your legs intertwined with his, one of your arms on his chest and the other in his hand. Your hair, so messy, yet so perfect at the same time and he would give anything to fall back asleep with you. He was in love. He was in love and was falling, falling harder than ever.

“Y/N, come on it's been 10 minutes. We need to go, get up.”

“What? Oh. Wait, fuck, what time is it?” You say in your very raspy yet airy morning voice.

“6:13, now we have to get ready or we will be late.”

You didn't want to get up, you really didn't. You wanted this moment to never end, but sadly time was not on your side for this one. “We never speak of last night, got it.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Its agent.”

-------

“Miss Honeycutt, hi I’m Agent Y/L/N,” You say while sitting down for the interrogation.

“Hi yeah, why am I here?”

“Oh, no one’s told you yet?’

“Well yes the people who rudely (italicize) came into my home said something but I wasn’t really listening.”

“Oh okay then. You're here as a suspect for multiple murders.” Her face was in total and utter shock. “There has been a murder recently that connects to a murder that took place back a couple of years ago. You lived there when it had happened and then you moved. And now you’re here because a murder played out exactly that same way as the one that took place in the past.”

“Look, I have a valid reason for moving-”

“Divorce I know.”

“Yes, well you don’t know the reason.”

“Oh, and what would that be?”

“I was cheating on him, Thomas. He found out and then immediately filed for divorce.”

“Huh, is that so. Well, you kno-” You were cut off by the sound of the one and the only doctor himself.

“Y/L/N can I please speak to you.”

“Um yeah.” You walk outside of the interrogation room to face him. “What is it?”

“I don't think she did it. The way she’s reacting to all of this is way too natural to fake and she still hasn't called for a lawyer to be present. Normally in these types of situations the un-sub mostly always calls for a lawyer or anyone in that case.”

“I know, I know, I know. But she mentioned an ex-husband that could help us with this case.”

“So what you're just gonna “interrogate” her until she starts to talk about her former husband, or just talk about that and only that as a whole?”

“Yes, precisely.”

“You amaze me Y/N,” this was the first time he said your name in conversation naturally and not because he was forced to for an undercover assignment and shit. Well except for this morning but you can't decide if that was a small little fever dream or actual life so it doesn't count.

“And I you Spencer.” He noticed, oh he noticed and his heart practically burst from his chest because of the serotonin he got when you said his name. It was like every time you said his name an angel got its wings.

-------

“Hey Garcia, could you dig a little deeper on our little Thomas Maddison?” You ask her.

“Of course pumpkin. Okay so here's what I got. Thomas Maddison born May 30th leaving him to be a Gemini and you know how I feel about those. He moved from our fun little town too, well, um,-” was what she said before being cut off by Emily.

“What do you mean by ‘um’ Garcia?” She said with a puzzled expression.

“Well, ‘um’ means he disappeared from the face of Earth. Completely gone. No new dental records, no new home, I mean, not even a simple receipt. It’s like he just clicked ‘erase all’ after the divorce.”

“Is that even possible?” I ask.

“Well yes, but you have to literally become a new person for that to happen.”

“Garcia look into anything in his life that could possibly lead him to have hundreds of thousands of dollars,” Reid said.

“Okay, so it says here in one article that he owned a local jewelry store that got burned down around that time of the divorce. The local paper wrote it off as an accident but everyone thought he wanted to skip town after the divorce so he would just take all of the insurance money. Which I guess is kind of true. Um but anyway, yeah that’s really the only explanation. His parents didn't leave him that much money in the will, and he wasn't a drug dealer.”

“Okay, thanks hun! You've been of more help then you know. Call Hotch and everyone else in. I think we got the profile.” You said before ending the call.

* literally 5 or 6 minutes later *

“Okay, so the guy we’re looking for is very popular with the people. He always tries to make everything about himself. Your classic narcissist.” Hotch starts off with.

“This guy hates love though. He never brings up the topic and hates it when people bring it up. And although he hates love, he looks like the guy who could pick anyone he wanted, although he relatively picks on younger women.” JJ adds.

“Yes, and this guy is going to be a white caucasian male. Most likely in his late 20 or early 30s. And he is going to have wealth and will show it off as often as he can.” Emily says.

“Any questions” you heard Hotch ask.

“There’s an event tomorrow just like the one that Mira and John attended. Will he be there? And if so, do you think he will attack again? And if yes then what will do?” You see an officer asking.

“Well yes, we heard of that and already planned everything out. Tomorrow night Agent Y/L/N and DR.Reid will be attending the event.” Rossi said.

You were in complete shock, and frankly so was Reid. You guys never agreed to this, and as much as I love black tie events, they aren't really my cup of tea when there can possibly be a serial killer there. Not to mention the guy I fucking love more than anyone in the world would be there, with me (italicize). Like now I have to look badass and sexy (italicize) at the same time, although that wouldn't be that hard you thought to yourself.

“Guys, can Reid and I please talk to you all in private.” You give Rossi and Hotch very unobvious yet obvious death stares.

“Yeah, now please.” He says.

* again like 2 or 3 minutes later *

“Um hello, last time I never agreed to this and by the look on Reid’s face, neither did he.”

“Y/N you heard, our unsub likes younger women,” Derek says,

“Okay well then just send in Emily, or JJ, or both in that case.” You say in an angry tone.

“Oh baby, you think we're young? Were flattered but no. Sadly out of all of us, you look the youngest, and are the youngest.” JJ says while laughing along with Emily.

“And for you Reid, you out of most people should know that the murders happened between young lovers who got married. And Derek doesn’t call you pretty boy for nothing. Rossi says following JJs statement.

“We really aren't getting out of this one huh?” He asks.

“No. Now it's late so I want you all to get a good night's rest and be ready tomorrow. Reid and Y/L/N you guys can sleep in a little but you'll have to be ready by 4:30.” Hotch says. And with that, everyone goes back to their rooms.

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once” – John Green, The Fault in our Stars

Part two coming tomorrow!

#so lets hope you like it #thanks to ani though #none of this would be happening without her #so thank you ani baby 🥺💕 #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid #criminal minds #mira writes

[silvermuffins]

Pokemon Legends Arceus: because i sold my soul to nintendo long ago

Truth be told I preordered this game the moment it was available and downloaded it ASAP. And then proceeded to not touch it. ADHD brain. Lack of time in between other things. Part of me screaming that I should finish a game before starting another. The stars weren't right. Couldn't do it. Stars, man. Stars.

But today my lifelong love has returned to me, and today we fight to the death!

i haven't even opened the game yet ftr. but i HAVE closed the one i'd been playing, so i'm ready to go.

leeeet's do this

shiny light and i expect to hear "open your eyes...wake up, Link!"

oh shit, beyond both time and space, gold, is this the collective unconscious

hello god its me margaret

i do not know how much of my appearance i'll be able to change later....as for name. hm. i picked a very unjapanese look, but i do want a japanese name... [much working ont hat later] Eiko

wait this is a fucking isekai?

like god is telling me a world in which pokemon is gonna be strange to me

yooooo EIKO ISN'T FROM POKEMON WORLD

maybe i shouldn't have gone with a japanese name lol too late now

yo it's straight up GOD telling me to catch 'em all this time

YEET

oh fuck there goes my phone

this is now a kingdom hearts opening sequence

awww god took my-- okay dude PLEASE tell me you didn't download any sketchy apps i JUST got this phone

rude

what is that thumping

i FELL OUT OF THE SKY

strange hat man thinks I'M the weird one for falling out of the sky

which tbf i probably am

also tf is that thundery swirly thing in the sky over there are we just gonna fucking ignore that?!

if im not from the pokemon world why does my teeshirt have a luxury ball on it

"a bit of a pickle"

"a bit"

NO SHIT DUDE

i just told you i don't have an acquaintance around here why would you think i have somewhere to stay

NO I AM NOT SURE I WILL SURVIVE

holy shit my guy my dude

expressive protag tho, very nice, that was a very clear look of oh fuck im screwed

the starters just patiently waiting to be acknowledged

"almost as if they knew" yup okay then they knew and there's some destiny bullshit going on

i mean i guess i WAS literally sent by god

siiiigh I know what a pokemon is but Eiko has to get the tutorial

im amazed strange hat man even considered i might not know

currently stalling while i try to pick a starter

Laventon.....okay so the locals don't necessarily have Japanese names we all good

off the starters go again which tbh im surprised they didn't sooner

cant jump cant swim

oh arceus marks my targets ig?

no it's just GIVING MY GODDAMN PHONE BACK

oh sick custom case

god is texting me

this is gonna be the coolest catching tutorial ever

also we're not gonna do a nickname theme it's gonna just be whatever

also thank you game freak for giving cyndaquil its fire back

.....sooooo so far im getting professor useless vibes from laventon, can't wait to ditch him. i got my mission from god, don't need you.

whoa holy shit fifty?

laventon's design is SO weird like what is he even doing

so pokemon can shrink themselves???? ALL of them can? so why can't everything use minimize

....is laventon british? or galarian????? because his speech patterns....

booped oshawott riiight in the snoot

excuse you sir who are you calling old girl

acting awfully avuncular for a dude i met two seconds ago

bla bla pokedex sir i have my mission

BUT THOU MUST rowan's way of but thou musting was vastly superior

he's finally doing something helpful to the kid who just got isekai'd

oh we are FINALLY acknowledging the ominous cloud over the mountain

them's some sideburns

the villagers are, appropriately, confused and curious and gossipy

god has bequeathed me a gps

prelude beach, that's kinda on the nose

as a true jrpg player i am running around talking to everyone before i get on with shit

oh jesus nearly every building seems to be able to be go-inside-able

village guardian shrine has an arceus ring in it....

okay can't enter any buildings yet

my guy's mustache is green but his beard is grey

holy fuck hi lucas

laventon is a foreigner confirmed!

"yeah he's professor useless hang with the cool kids instead"

ooook lucas's name is Rei

somehow laaventon snuck up on him though...

Cyllene. who gave her the right to be so this,

holy shit i have an age

EVERYONE here is sus of me wow

THIS is how we're explining the [POINTS AT OMINOUSLY THUNDERING SWIRLY THING]

just casually discussing space-time rifts over dinner like it's nbd?!

also is it me or are lots of people kinda looking down on the Survey Corps

awww cyllene is a stress eater

we got new villagers out and some relocated bc it's later! and whoa shit nice room

why are there jars of rocks in my room

get this show on the road

thats probably fine

there's so many foreigners here??? so why am i an issue

"almighty Sinnoh" what the fuck

there's actually a shitton of people here

okay i'm ready to Continue

holy shit cyllene your desk

what guidance did i just activate???

also she really is just gonna yeet me out in the wild huh

thankfully laventon is PROBABLY going to "it's dangerous to go alone! take this"

we goin' Cyndaquil!

hang on time for more exploring

who dat

oh shit dude YOU should be the professor

you could call the pokedex....volo's guide to monsters

oh snap we gonna fight

unsure if stranger danger?

eh it's probably okay he seems sparkly

holy shit that battle music is so hype

whoa potions do a LOT

awww this trial is cute

all done. can't wait to be out of the tutorial zone and just be free

explorin'. when can i trust npcs won't say new things?

i sorta like how people are a little meaner than most pokemon games

finally, clean clothes! and, hat get! am now true protag

i completely missed the second floor when i was exploring here earlier...didn't even occur i might be able to go up the other staircase

hello rowan senior,oh fuck dude wants to fight

oh my fuckign god

etjkrtyfnretr

i love this man

let's just get on with things instead of hunting down every scrp of unique diaalogue

this research system already looks SO cool

im gona dress up CUTE

wastes money to change hair just to preview hats then change back bc i didn't like any of 'em

the photo place is interesting

okay! field time!

i don't have a shitton to say right now im just kicking around having fun

rei can you pls just leave me to do my thing, my exploring is very quickly proving to be more efficient than your handholding

i keep trying to use botw controls

he checks on me, has me check if i have tasks to report. there are 41. got a shitton of points for that. caan i cross the bridge yet?

time to go get a star

Diamond Clan.....hmmm

awww him have pika

oh sweetheart you are NOT gonna win

i want this lady to carry me

and then we took a break for food!

[several hours later]

ooh i get mystery gifts now!

volo still Being

i must go my people need me we are leaving it here for now

#letty plays shit #letty plays pokemon legends arceus #pokemon legends arceus #im fuckin cute #and im having such a good time

[sery-chan-13]

Found You

Part 8 to '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: swearing, I think that's it

"Oh shit... agh, brainfreeze," you cursed, holding your head. It was a hot summer afternoon, and you had decided to get ice cream with Niragi. "Dumbass," he laughed, watching you groan in pain. You glared at him, the pain going away. "Fuck off," you said, going back to slowly licking at the ice cream. He shook his head, laughing slightly.

He made his way through the hole in the wall. No, it wasn't a hallway, a literal hole in the wall. It went through and led into the kitchen. He had found out about it once when he saw Last Boss come out of it during one of his patrols. He followed it, and saw were it lead. By process of elimination he had narrowed down the other player of the game to be Last Boss. So, in a general assumption, he assumed you would be in the kitchen. It was dark as he made his way through it, hoping to get out of it as soon as possible. It gave him a bad feeling. Why was there a random hole in the wall leading to the kitchen? It seemed awfully strange to him. Like something out of a horror game when the monster jumps out to attack you. "Oh hell no, damn my thoughts straight to hell," he cursed, walking faster through the tunnel.

Finally, he was at the entrance to the kitchen. It was covered up by a couple things, but, he managed. When he did he heard you giggling about something.

"You know, I think this was a great idea," you giggled, nibbling on one of the cookies. "I know of quite a few places to hide if you ever need one. It can get... loud... hectic... and chaotic here," Last Boss responded. You smiled. You were about to bite the cookie again, before arms were around you. In the moment, you panicked, grabbing the person back and flipping them onto their back. You quickly grabbed the knife you'd picked up earlier, pointing it them, before noticing it was Niragi. You let out a relieved sigh. "Ow... that hurt," he groaned, sitting up, holding the back of his head "Sorry. Don't sneak up on me like that," you said. He smirked. "That makes 1,853 games of hide and seek in a row I've won. 8 year winning streak," he bragged, obviously over getting hurt. "Oh go fuck yourself, you whore," you insulted, flipping him off, sticking your tongue out. You turned to Last Boss and smiled. "It was nice hiding with you," you said. Said man was confused on how you kept switching between your emotions so quickly. "Oh... uh, it was nice... hiding with you too, I guess," he responded. You laughed, holding a hand out to Niragi. He grabbed onto you, and you helped him up. "See, I'm a bitch, but at least I'm just a bad bitch, not a heartless bitch," you laughed. He smiled a bit. Standing in the kitchen with you talking, the warmth. Even Last Boss was talking to you. Everything about it felt like home. Home felt like you. Home felt like the feeling he got whenever he was with you. Maybe it was because you were home.

He watched as you talked avidly with Last Boss. You two seemed to get along, which was good. "Shit, it's already 12 am? Don't we have a supply run thingy tomorrow?" You questioned, finally noticing the time. "Uh... yeah," Niragi responded. "At least were not drunk... then Aguni might have a problem," Last Boss said. Both men shuddered, remembering what had happened last time. "Ooh, spill!" You said, sitting on top of one of the counters. Last Boss shook his head, and Niragi looked away. "Was it that bad?" You asked, a smirk building it's way across your face. "One thing you'll notice about Aguni is... he's like... a military dad. He's strict, but also doesn't care at the same time? But there's rules. And since there's few rules, it's not like you can forget. So... yeah," Niragi explained. "Can't wait to actually meet this man and see if you guys are exaggerating," you giggled. "Alright, get off the counter so we can go to your room," Niragi sighed, stretching his arms. "Carry me?" You asked, hiding your laughter. "Last time you said that, we both fell down the stairs," he reminded, rolling his eyes. "That's because you have weak noodle arms you lanky bitch," you said, laughing. "Ahahahaha fuck you."

You three finally made your way up the stairs. "So, does everyone just... party the whole night?" You asked, seeing as there was no on really in the lobby, but you could still hear the heavy bass of the loud music playing outside. Niragi nodded. "Fun for them, annoying for those who actually try to sleep," Last Boss commented. It was really just a paradise for people. A safe haven for players. And why wouldn't it? There's protection, other people, food, supplies, electricity. Anything you could want or need was at the Beach. It was curious how they managed to put it all together. So well thought out.

"Well... goodnight," you said, opening the door to your new room. "I'll wake you up tomorrow. By any means necessary," he stated, disappearing into his room. You sighed, closing the door behind you. It felt the same, but it was different. You knew that it would be hard to adjust, but a part of you had already adjusted. Maybe it was the years of torture through your childhood, or the things you put up with in your day to day life, but this didn't feel weird at all. It felt... normal. Besides the games, no negatives were really made clear to you. So, what was so bad about being here? It seemed better than your normal life. You sighed, shaking your head. You shouldn't be thinking like that, your life before was just fine with Niragi. You thought you had lost him. But, then you found him here. So even in places of despair and chaos, you could find a silver lining. "Ick... that sounds cheesy," you muttered, getting under the covers of the bed. The second you laid down, all the pain in your body was alleviated. The pillows were cold under you, the bed soft. You let out a satisfied sigh. If this was what staying at the Beach was like, you wouldn't mind. But, you also couldn't let yourself fall into that mentality. Your eyes drooped slowly, sleep taking over your body.

"And how was your date?" You asked as soon as he walked into through the door. "We never speak of her again," was all he said with a groan. "Goddamn, that bad? What did she do?" You questioned, as he walked over to the couch, sitting besides you. "Well, at first, she was ok. Then she immediately went into the topic of money, which like big red flag, but I didn't care. Right after we started talking about friends and family. I brought you up, and she was all like 'no, you see, that's not going to work because I have to be the only special girl in your life' and I was like, well... jealous much? I don't know who hurt her but it's... ugh," he groaned. Niragi had never been interested I'm dating per se. He didn't have any interest in anyone all throughout high school, which was one of the reasons people thought you two were together. "What about you? How'd it go?" He asked. "Not great. He was narcissistic, misogynistic, and rude. Like... 'women belong in the kitchen' kind of misogyny. God it was horrible. A total incel of a boy," you explained, shaking your head. "Looks like we both have trouble with dating, hm?" He said, leaning his head back, staring up at the ceiling, following the cracks in them. He'd always suggested you two move, especially with the occupation both of you had, you could afford to move somewhere else. You'd always tell him to wait a couple years because you never know what could happen. You had always said, "What if you meet the person of your dreams and decide to move in with them?" He never thought much about having someone else. It was always (Y/N) and Niragi against the world. It seemed weird to his mother last time she had called to ask about that. He'd told her the same thing. "No one really... interests me. No one ever has."

Now, his mother was a person who changed herself for the better. She had never had the courage to leave her husband, his father, however. She observed her son's behavior, and asked him something that really made his mind question itself. "Do you think no one interests you... because you like (Y/N)? In a more than friend way, I mean." He had never thought about that. At all. He had only ever known kindness from you, and his mother later in life. So, did he? He couldn't have. It would be wrong, wouldn't it? To insinuate such a thing to you?

Screaming, heat, fires, crumbling debris all around you fell. The smoke and ash heavy in the air. " 'Ragi?! What's going on?!"

Shattered glass stuck onto your arms, blood dripping onto the asphalt. "You can't leave me... you can't, not again!"

Wake up.

"(Y/N), you can't leave me now..."

"I can! What the hell made you think that was ok!"

Wake up.

"You're bleeding!"

"No shit Sherlock. It's called getting shot. Somehow, I just can't seem to die."

"Don't fucking say that!''

Wake up.

"Oi! Wake up!"

"Don't leave me-! What the hell? What's going on?"

"It's time to wake up. We have a supply run to do.''

#alice in borderland #niragi #chishiya #×reader #alice in borderland × reader #niragi × reader #i think he was pretry chill pre borderlands #i searched up how much game engineers make... wow

[airenyah]

just watched that episode 'the song remains the same' and honestly I have a few things, imagine if Anna actually called Cas rather than Uriel, what are the implications of that happening and that would have played out very differently, also makes me sad because in classic spn (s1-5) Dean got the ending he wanted (yes I ship destiel as the next person but at that time, he was a different person from s10 (where I stopped watching - I can't say for s15, but judging on here he's a very 1/?

person as well). And then in s15 (which I've only seen the last episode of) he dies, and it's like - the whole point of his character was to survive and to live the apple pie life, like at the end of the day THAT IS WHO HE IS. Anyhow it makes me sad that when I watch s15 for the first time (I'll stop at Misha's physical last episode) that he didn't get that. That's why I feel for long term Dean fans because that was what happened, and I don't understand how even Kripke thought it was a good 2/?

idea considering he gave him a happy ending in s5. 3/3

ohhhh wait, are we talking anna calling present time!cas or 1978!cas? because if i remember correctly (sorry i didn’t bother rewatching the ep for this ask) anna calls uriel and asks him to kill the winchesters, right? and i think it’s fairly obvious that present!cas would absolutely not have gone through with that, buuuuut 1978!cas however.... 1978!cas who didn’t know the winchesters, didn’t know dean yet.... now THAT’s raises an interesting question 🤔

re: and it's like - the whole point of his character was to survive and to live the apple pie life

my god YES!!!! the other day i was rewatching 8x14 and there is this whole bit:

Dean: We've been down roads like this before, man – with Yellow-Eyes, Lucifer, Dick friggin' Roman. We both know where this ends – one of us dies... Or worse.

Sam: So, what – you just up and decided it's gonna be you?

Dean: I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation.

Sam: Dean—

Dean: And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know – it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get. So I'm gonna do these trials. I'm gonna do them alone – end of story. You're staying here. I'm going out there. If landshark comes knocking, you call me. If you try to follow me, I'm gonna put a bullet in your damn leg. 

and it’s just. so goddamn infuriating in the light of the finale. tell me, does this not demand that he does in fact find a light at the end of the tunnel? you’d expect a character who constantly goes on about how they’re gonna go out guns blazing, who doesn’t see any value in themselves, who doesn’t think they deserve to be saved,... you’d think the whole point of a character like that would be the growth that comes from realizing that they actually do have value and that their life is worth living. and for dean that would be especially after they defeated chuck. but oh wait--, this is supernatural where we can’t have nice things, right (character development? what’s that?)

i can’t say much post S9 because i haven’t watched S10-13 since they aired and while i did catch up on the last two seasons over the past year, they didn’t really stick in my memory (apart from the final 3 eps) soooo i don’t remember much buuuut there was this in 13x23:

Dean: Hey, you remember... remember when you asked if we could stop it? All the evil in the world?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: If we could... really change things? Well, maybe with Jack, we can.

Sam: Maybe you're right. But then what will we do?

Dean: Mm. Yeah. This. (holds up a beer) A whole lot of this. But on a beach somewhere, you know? Can you imagine? You, me, Cas, toes in the sand, couple of them little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.

Sam: You talking about retiring? You?

Dean: If I knew the world was safe? Hell, yeah. And you know why? 'Cause we freaking earned it, man.

and i think there might have been some more scenes where dean expresses similar sentiments (like the one from 10x16 in the confession booth about not wanting to die and wanting to experience things differently or for the first time)? i don’t really remember, i’ll know once I get there on my big spn rewatch I’m currently doing. and it’s just. how does it make any sense for the show to end with dean not getting to finally find happiness in life on earth and grow old. i don’t understand. 

although i’m not sure i agree with you on the s5 ending being a happy ending for dean. i think it’s more bittersweet than happy. i mean, yes, dean does tell lisa that the happiness he pictures includes her, but we also learn this in chuck’s voice-over at the end of swan song:

Chuck: Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

he’s outright suicidal after sam jumps into the cage. and honestly, i’m not entirely sure if dean actually would have showed up at lisa’s door if sam hadn’t made him promise. this bit from 6x01 also reinforces that for me:

Bobby: [Y]ou got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea.

Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me?

Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant.

Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to.

Bobby: Good.

Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out.

yes, i think dean liked lisa enough and i don’t think he necessarily minded staying with her but i also think he was more drawn to the idea and the apple pie life that she represented. the “getting out” of the life. but dean hates getting non-hunters involved in the life and he also hates himself and the mess he is so i think dean might have wanted to spare lisa the trouble and would probably have stayed away if sam hadn’t asked him to go find her

#alright i'm done now before i get too angry about the finale again bye #also i think i'll stop my rewatch at 15.18 as well #and just go read fix-it fics instead lol #gotta curate the secret good spn that lives in my head #spn #dean winchester #5.13 #8.14 #13.23 #dean x lisa #dean deserved better #does this count as meta? lol #asks #airenyah plappert #danieljlevy #just in case: #suicide tw #(is that how one correctly tags triggers? lmk pls)