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gale-gentlepenguin · 5 years

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ML fic: A Kiss to Remember: Part 1

(Based off the fic idea I made here)

“Do you think they are dating?”

“Of course they are, have you seen that kiss on the ladyblog?”

“I wonder how long they’ve been together.”

“Chat noir is so lucky.”

These types of conversations had been all Marinette had been hearing at school for the last week.

Ever since the Oblivio incident. The photo of Ladybug and Chat noir kissing like lovers has spread like wildfire. The Ladyblog has crashed a bunch of times because of the amount of clicks its been getting. Alya was even invited onto a talk show to talk about the ‘kiss seen around the world’. Even her crush Adrien commented that they look cute together. She couldn't help but wonder if there was some twisted bearded man controlling the world around her just to make her miserable.

“It doesn't count!” Marinette screamed into her pillow. The bluish black haired 14 teen year-old was sick of her alter ego being cast as that smug cat’s lover. Which in her opinion was the worst part.

Chat noir hasn't been saying anything about the kiss, ever since they both saw the picture. He made a few playful jabs at her and that was it. But she could tell he is feeling so smug about the whole thing. Marinette is sure blonde cat boy is just using the kiss as some sort of vindication that his flirtations had some merit.

“It does seem to be a little much.” Tikki commented. The ladybug kwami floated over to Marinette’s cheek. Giving her a hug. The designer reciprocated and held the red and black spotted creature.

“I need to find a way to put this all to rest.” Marinette reasoned. “There is no way I would be in love with that cat.”

“While I agree that everyone is overreacting, don't you think that you are also overreacting? It is a possibility that you could fall...”

“Please don't finish that sentence.” Marinette interrupted. “I am not saying Chat noir is a bad person. Its just it will never happen. I am in love with Adrien.”

“R-Right...” Tikki responded, holding in a rather massive secret, much to the obliviousness of the exhausted teenage girl.

“I am gonna talk with Chat noir about this whole thing, perhaps I can find a way to figure out how to move past this.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Night had descended over the city of lights. A black cat hero gracefully dashes across rooftops.

Chat noir was in his element tonight. He had been having a great week. All of Paris was supporting him and Ladybug together. He couldn't help but smile as he heard the rumors and talk about his alter ego and the love of his life.

His luck seemed to be changing for the better as he noticed Ladybug was out on the roof of a building.

“A wonderful night for a stroll. Is it not My lady?” He flirtatiously asked as he approached.

The red clad heroine turned to him, her face showing annoyance.

“Something the matter Ladybug?” Chat noir shifted from flirty to concerned.

Ladybug took a deep breath and sighed.

“I am just really tired of all of this talk about that stupid photo.” Ladybug answered, she was clearly agitated and it made the cat hero a bit sad that she wasn't as happy as he was about the situation.

“I guess I have to agree with you on that.” Chat noir answered with a serious tone.

Ladybug’s expression changed.

“You do?”

“Of course, that kiss happened while neither of us have our memories. We don't even remember the kiss.” The blond cat hero explained.

Marinette felt her lips curve into a smile. She felt relieved to hear the cat say those words.

“Exactly.”

“Right? If anything Alya should wait until we kiss for real before posting any pictures.”

In that instance, Ladybug’s smile faded and her frustration returned.

“I suppose you could look at it as a possible predictor of things to come. Though it is the second time we kissed and I still don't remember either which is such a shame because I would love to find out how I got you to ...”

The cat stopped talking once he say the ice cold glare of the scarlet clad heroine.

“It doesn't count chat. I am sick of hearing of all of this speculation about us. We are a team, partners, we aren't a couple.” Ladybug explains. “Neither of the two kisses count, so everyone should quit talking about them.”

“Yikes, it almost sounds like you don't have any sort of romantic feelings towards me.”

“I dont.” Ladybug stated flatly.

Chat noir paused, it felt like a punch to the gut. But he kept composure.

“I have another boy I like Chat noir. I am not entertaining any sort of romantic feelings towards you.”

Chat noir felt the words hit him again, but this time, they knocked an idea into his head.

“How about we settle this matter once and for all.” Chat noir spoke aloud.

Ladybug stared at the cat with a perplexed expression.

“What do you mean Kitty?”

“We have kissed 2 times. Both of those times I don’t even remember. The first one, you claim it was just to save me. The second one, you claim doesn’t count because we were both not ourselves.” Chat noir began explaining

“So you have been listening.” Ladybug responds with an eye roll. “Your point being?”

“The two of us should kiss now...”

“No.” Ladybug answered flatly.

“Me-ouch. At least let me explain before you turn down my idea.” Chat noir said as he tried to keep his cool.

“Okay, explain before I say no again.”

“You believe that there is not potential romantic link between us. I, along with the rest of Paris believe the opposite. Lets kiss now. Both of us clear, consenting and no akuma influence. No excuses on the situation, no cameras. Just you and me.” Chat noir finished

“And why would I agree to this?” Ladybug asked with her eyebrow raised, showing her skeptical nature.

“After we kiss, I will ask you how you feel. If you can look me in the eye, no hesitation that you did not feel any romantic feelings for me, I will stop.”

“Stop what? Stop talking about the kiss? Stop saying how ‘purrfect’ we are for each other?” Ladybug mused.

“I will stop pursuing you romantically.” Chat noir stated completely serious.

Ladybug tries to get a read on him as if this is some sort of trick. But she knows that Chat noir has been pretty upfront with her on pretty much everything. She couldn't help but think that maybe this was the perfect chance to put this to bed.

“And you won’t be sulking about the whole ordeal when I say this?” Ladybug inquired.

“I’ll even do an interview with the Ladyblogger dismissing any chance of us being together. And at least I’ll have one kiss with you that I actually remember. We will simply be crime fighting partners and friends. That is if you can without any doubt say that the kiss meant nothing and you have no romantic interest in me.” Chat noir assures.

The scarlet clad heroine ponders the pros and cons of the situation.

“I have some criteria that needs to be met.”

“Of course.” Chat noir said practically giddy with excitement.

“1st of all not tongue.”

“Okay.”

“2nd. I will give you the answer 5 no 10 minutes after the kiss. So there is no rash statements made.”

“Fair.”

“3rd. We both go to separate areas after the kiss, no looking at each other, no trying to sway my decision.”

“A bit much but that is fine.”

“4th, no touching my butt while we do this.”

“I will accept that one with a heavy heart.” He teased slightly.

“And finally don’t be too upset when you hear the truth.” Ladybug said with a confident smile.

“Oh, I am sure I will love to hear the truth.”

_______________________________________________________________________

( Please let me know if you want the next part. I would love to hear your feedback.)

#ml #ml fic #a kiss to remember #ladynoir #adrienette #ml fluff or ml angst #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #fanfic

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atekabute · 5 years

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Let me remind myself in case I have forgotten.

I stalk women. Not girls. No, change that. I mean I adore women, not girls.

Women who has potential greatness. Women I want to become. Love, turns you to somebody else. It makes you a hyprocrite, self-indulging and vain. Ihave to forgive myself. This shouldnt go on I know better. This is not me. It only proves one thing: I love this man.

I I should forgive myself. That once I understood his previous love without judgement, but today I have fear to be part of it. Where did all this came from? I expected to be the special one. I always wanted to be special. I didnt want attention but I appreciate genuine conversation. Knowing that he has pursued and used same sweet words, that he had done things that hurt me too. I began to doubt.

OF course we can end too. But the main reason I decided to be with him was to prove I am ready to love and that I want it to last forever. I even use unrealistic, romantic words now.

I am not sure if I am truly concerned about him lying to me, or him losing his love, or him disappearing on me. Or if I am just convincing myself I am scared of losing him to cover up the reality that I really don’t care about his past and I might appear cold and he might think I dont love him enough. If I am really scared. The only thing I am scared of is that hes not honest enough for me which is a failure in my part for trusting again. I might be too scared to admit having trust issues.

So here what we are gonna do. Lets state the facts.

1. I love him. I think about other girls hes been with and I feel nothing but be sorry for them letting him go or being let go.

2. I feel lucky. I feel hes more than I deserve.

3. He deserves me too.

4. If jealousy is being scared someone may take him away from me. I dont feel that way. I have always believed I am with him for a reason. If hes with someone else, also for another reason. Things happen for a reason. If he wants me then he will stay. I’ll wish him happiness if he decided to be with someone new.

5. I don’t get jealous. I accept the time given to me. I understand my boundaries.

6. Problem is, I do get hurt if I am not chosen. It happens. But I understand I am not wanted so I deal with it.

7. I just let it to be called jealousy because I don’t understand myself if its trust issue or its just I haven't met an honest person.

8. I hate drama. I do not complicate things.

9. I say what needs to be said even the hurtful or shameful ones. Even the things I dont understand yet. Because if its not true the moment its out there you will know

10. I dont hold grudges but I value word of honor. I lose respect to someone who forgets a promise. (Steven keeps his promises.)

11. This is not about my current relationship status. It is to question my character and how love might be changing it.

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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Why I aborted 2 very wanted pregnancies

April held several anniversaries for me. The anniversary of an unrealized due date, the anniversary of an ended pregnancy, the anniversary of my birth40 years ago this year. All three of these dates gave me pause to reflect on the choices Ive made.

Choice. The word feels big and comes up often lately. When faced with my strong-willed 3-and-a-half-year-old son, Ive learned to give him only two choices or else Id lose my mind. On a larger scale, Im considering leaving a career Ive pursued for over two decades and whether or not to add to our family. Such choices are par for the course as we grow and enter new phases in our lives.

But more significantly, Ive been thinking about the right to choose in the debate over abortion, which is not only threatened under the Trump administration, but also often misunderstood. The nuances that can go into making a choice to end a pregnancy are often unseen, unspoken, and never casual.

Unfortunately, my husband and I were faced with this choice. Twice. We terminated two very wanted pregnancies. To put it bluntly, Ive had two abortions.

And as our government tries to strip us of our reproductive rights, I am reminded how lucky I am to have the financial means and to live in a state where laws didnt prevent me from the choices I made. My abortions left me heartbroken, changed, and grief-strickenthat is indisputable. But everyone should be granted those choices. Those are choices Id still make today.

. . .

Itd be easy to peg me as your typical pro-choice advocate. I grew up in a liberal household. Feminism was at the core of my progressive private Los Angeles high school education. I went to a super hippie-dippy college where grades were for eggs, not people. But while I was taught to think critically about various perspectives, I was primarily surrounded by politically and socially like-minded individuals. To be honest, I never questioned whether I was pro-choice. I just was.

Photo via World Cant Wait/Flickr (CC-BY)

And then I visited a Body Worlds exhibit. This particular show featured skeletal muscles, nervous systems, and healthy and diseased organs to demonstrate the complexity of the human body. It also included a wall of 42 embryo and fetuses preserved in a glass case.

These embryos and fetuses were humanized by Body Worlds. I saw their form and I saw their potential. I saw them as life. (Not so dissimilarly as I saw the meat that I no longer ate when I became a vegetarian 10 years prior.) I remember very clearly, standing over a nine-week embryo in a glass case thinking that I believed in choice, but couldnt imagine making such a choice.

Fast forward 10 years.

I became pregnant in the summer of 2011. In September, I went in for the routine 13-week NT scan, the ultrasound that assesses your babys risk of having chromosomal abnormalities. That day, we found out that our babys nuchal fold thickness was outside of the normal range.

We sat with the genetic counselor as we gave our histories (nothing outside of the ordinary) and was given a primer on statistics and chromosomes and karyotypes and various horrifying conditions. At that point, we still didnt know exactly what it all meant for our child.

As we drove home, my husband, through his stifled tears, said to me, We cant think of it as a baby. I remember feeling aggressively defensive at my husbands reality. I had stared at the doctors screen and saw a body. I had stared at my belly and saw it swollen. Of course, it was a baby. That was never a question for me.

Test results confirmed that our baby had a significant chance of having some kind of severe abnormality that could be fatal or would likely cause him to suffer. We consulted doctors, got second opinions, and endured more testing. We were candidly, though not casually, advised by doctors to terminate and try again. And at 14 weeks, thats what we did. We made our choice.

I grieved, I processed, I sat on the couch in therapy and tried to find meaning in my experience. I planted a letter in an olive tree that I had written to our son, explaining to him why we made our decision, and that it was ultimately a decision made out of love.

I became pregnant again, at the beginning of 2012. This babys due date was exactly one year after we terminated the previous pregnancy. I found solace in that kind of synchronicity.

But of course, when I went to my routine 13-week NT scan, I was still anxious.

As I lay on the exam bed, facing a flatscreen monitor with just my name and my estimated due date, the technician asked me, Would you like me to turn the monitor off after you confirm the information is correct?

She was asking if I wanted to see my baby. Without hesitation, I told her to leave it on. I did not take my eyes off him. Here was my baby alive and living inside of me.

Soon, though, my husband and I would be faced with the same godawful, painful decision that we had made just months before.

This time around, my babys NT scan showed that his nuchal fold thickness measured twice the normal size, putting his life at even more risk than our first. My husband and I searched for a medical explanation or any scientific data that could give us an understanding as to why this happened to us not once, but twice. I scoured medical journal articles and reached what felt like the end of the internet looking for affirmations that I could carry my baby to term and not feel like I was putting my child at a significantly abnormal great risk by bringing him into the world.

We sat with the facts, the data, the expert opinions as well as second and third and fourth opinions. I had a CVS, a microarray, a full counsel on recessive testing. We had ultrasounds with specialists at both Cedars-Sinai and UCLA. We reached out to various genetic and prenatal and neonatal specialists. We made it our job to find an answer.

Despite the extensive research on my pregnancies and all of the testing, every doctor we saw was at a loss to explain why this developed with our babies twice and couldnt come up with anything beyond compassionately telling us it was two strokes of bad luck.

We made our choice. Again.

. . .

I think about what our story would have looked like under different circumstances. In another state. With abortion restrictions. With fewer means. Fewer resources. What that trajectory could have looked like in a parallel universe. And it makes me realize that while others might not agree with our choiceand I certainly can understand why some do notit was our choice to make, not our governments. It was philosophical, it was personal, and it was ours.

The Oklahoma House of Representatives passed a billin March that would ban all abortions based on genetic abnormalities. In other words, Oklahoma legislators believe that the agonizing choice that my husband and I made as a couple, both times, should have been theirs to make. Theyd get to make this choice for us even though they would do nothing to support the aftermath of that decision: setting aside funding for his medical care, holding our hands while he underwent a lifetime of treatments, alleviating our pain if he died not long after birth.

In Kentucky, there is only one abortion clinic left in the state. One in 40,400 square miles, and the governor just tried to close it. In that scenario, I think about the big-picture trajectory again: If my husband and I lived in Kentucky and we didnt have a car or have the funds to get to the closest clinic and subsequently had a child with severe and costly life threatening medical issuesa child whom may or may not have been even able to survive after being bornwhere would we all be now?

But in what could be the most damaging legislation given my situation, the Texas Senate just passed two obscenely restrictive bills: One outlawing dilation and evacuation (D&E) procedures, the safest and most effective abortion procedure for women in their second trimester and what doctors used to terminate my second pregnancy; and another called the wrongful birth bill that would make it legally OK for doctors to lie to their patients about fetal abnormalities so they dont get an abortion. Yes, doctors could make the choice to withhold my babys health issues from my husband and me, while we went on in ignorance, unable to have a choice in the future of our family.

The list of laws and states and circumstances that hinder choice goes on and on.

Photo via Shutterstock

While it may seem like what the Republican Party wants to do first and foremost with such restrictive legislation is prevent women from getting abortions, that motive is only secondary. Many studies have shown that women arent going to stop choosing to have abortions under strict lawstheyll find other, unsafe means to terminate their pregnancies that could put their own lives in danger. At its core, these laws are about controlling women and perpetuating feelings of shame and guilt for making choices over their own bodies.

Women have long lived with the burdens of shame; nevertheless, we have persisted. We do not shut down after making the choice to have an abortion. We do not go through with the procedureand never feel again. I have never felt so much pain, anger, sadness, grief, and confusion as I did after choosing to end my pregnancies.

Worse than the pain I felt in their absence, though, would have been not getting to make that choice at all. And to clarify: I understand why others would not make the same choice. But being forced into a life based on a doctors whim or a legislators personal ideology, being robbed of making the best personal choice for my family, would have been a pain I could not endure.

. . .

After that 13-week appointment, I decided to make the most of each day with my son while he was still in my body. We went to the beach. I showed him the ocean and the sand. We ate Indian food, Italian food, Mexican food, Mediterranean food. I read to him. I talked to him. I sang to him. I wrote him letters daily. We listened to a lot of Florence and the Machine. I explained everything that was happening to us as best as I could, as we went into each ultrasound appointment.

After considering and reconsidering all of the information we had collected over five weeks, we made the decision to go in for a D&E the day before my 35th birthday. He was 18 weeks. I woke up on my birthday longing for him and missing him terribly.

While my husband and I grieved together, I felt oddly alone in my experience. Simply put, there was a literal voidinside of me. Unlike my husband, I had pregnancy weight gain and pain and cramping and bleeding and hormonal mood swings that were constant visceral reminders of my baby whose life we chose to end. And so I took the pain pills prescribed with wine every night as I watched countless episodes of TLCsWhat Not to Wear to escape all the pain that was too hard to feel.

Because he was a baby, my baby, we had him cremated. Until we came up with the right spot to place his ashes, I carried him around with me. Some might think it weird or dark or sick, but I couldnt fathom leaving him home alone, and so he came with me in my purse to my appointments, my errands, and my work. We eventually found his spot.

My husband and I eventually tried again seven months later. I quickly became pregnant and gave birth to our son in August 2013.

I would be lying if I said I did not often see his two brothers when I look at him. All three are part of my fabricour son is here because of them. And one day, I plan on telling him about his brothers and our journey. A journey and a family we wouldnt have without choice.