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aro-ace-advice · 5 years

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Friend troubles

So me and my best friend have been friends for 3 years. But lately I’ve started to get annoyed at a lot of things she does. I decided to try to ignore it but all that did was making her think I’m distancing myself. So we had a falling out where at the end I asked her to keep our distance because I wasn’t comfortable being friends at that moment. Now all my other friends are constantly telling me to just make up already. It isn’t that simple though. We tried to talk it out but she just is not able to stay serious. When I bring something up that I care very much about, she responds by saying we should move to the next subject or just constantly sending stupid emoji’s. So a couple problems I have with her that I brought up are: her parents are very christian, and so is she, but her parents and sister are also very homophobic. I don’t want that negativity in my life so when she told me what their view was I was appaled. She said “Good news, my parents dont hate lgbtq+ people as a person, they hate the sin that they commit” I mean that doesn’t sound like good news to me. And I tried telling her that many times but she doesn’t understand my view. So I might have acted irrationally and told her that she either told her parents I’m a lesbian, accepted that their view is wrong and affects me in a negative way or just leave it as is and we were done. She chose no option and just started shaming me on how I could ever make her choose between her parents and me. All I want is to be accepted but yeah. Another thing is that she feels the need to attract attention from guys, constantly, she texts with a known fuckboy who keeps asking her for nudes (she is always telling me how she hates it that people can be that way) I keep telling her she needs to block him but she keeps going. She is also constantly bugging me during class saying that boy 1 is staring at her and boy 2 really has a crush on me. Even though she knows I’m not at all interested in guys she keeps trying to fix us up. Her arguments for me are very weird and she never gives any examples so I can only say what she said to me. I have no respect for her religion because one time i said “no one puts religion first” I do remember this instant, and while it seems very disrespectful, it is a bit but I apoligised, we needed to make a top 3 from the words religion, hope and love. She herself put religion at 2. And our teacher asked who put it at one and no one raised their hand. So i said it.

During our talk she also apoligised once. But instead of just writing what she was sorry for, she needed to make it a stupid joke again like she always does. She wrote that she was terribly sorry that she did it bla bla and then she undermines my argument AGAIN inside her apoligy.

I just realised the above statement doesn’t make sense without context. So umm I was editing a video for school, this was a group project with me, my friend and another person. We had already had a fight about the fact that I thought I was doing more than her (I always do everything in our group projects so I decided enough was enough) but I noticed that she had ruined several takes just by doing something ‘funny’ like making a peace sign or laughing in the middle of a sentence then starting the sentence again still laughing. So I have a bad temper and I admit, I reacted wrong in this situation. I sent a group text saying that i curse everyone who messed up takes by trying to be funny. She immediately made it all about her so I assured her that I was not only talking about her. But 2 hours later I get a message on snapchat and in the group chat. I read the chat first “Look at snapchat, ur curse worked” Im very confused, thinking she spilled coffee or something. I open the message and its a memoriam, her aunt died of cancer. I felt bad of course. But she blamed me for murder. She later said that i should take it seriously, she was just trying to warn me that i shouldnt curse people. But she did take my comment seriously, so that makes her blame a bit serious as well. Thats what we discussed and she said sorry by first saying she already said sorry, she hadnt, and then “im very sorry my message gave you the wrong impression, I never meant to blame you for murder (rolling eye emoji) i was just trying to warn you.”

I hope you understand my point. Can you give me advice wether or not I should make up?

rina says: if you have to ask a third party whether or not to make up, usually you’ve already decided that you don’t want to, even if you don’t want to admit it. i think a lot of the time with friend troubles we ask other people what they think because we don’t like the answers we’ve come up with on our own. apply marie kondo to all parts of your life-- does this friendship spark joy? if the answer is no, or even if the answer is only sometimes or very rarely, then let go. you’re never obligated to stay friends with someone regardless of how long you’ve been friends or how much effort you’ve put into your friendship. if they don’t make you feel good, or they cause you problems, or you’re just straight up done with their shit, say goodbye!

#submission #friend advice

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