#you can comment and all but dont fuckign give me advice

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, reflecting on some of therapy from yesterday the day after, but I run by a lot of principles. I don't really deal in morality because good and bad are lies and just ways of shaming and control (save for a few situations where I think there are objective bad) but I have some very very firm values and principles I run by which mean a lot to me.

One of the top of top principles I as a part live by is that I absolutely refuse to intentionally lie to myself. If I can and the second I am aware of anything fraudulent to who I am (which is not a solid and defined thing but a very fluid and ever changing thing based on who I am in the moment) to myself I will bite whatever bullshit I have to to get my life and myself back on the same page.

And so in therapy, when I am there specifically because I have a job to do to make sure the system gets where they deserve to be (charged by my top principle value but thats another story) I really don't put any resistance to any topic that will get us closer to that

And I've made that clear, break my bones so I can mend them I don't care and what not. And so our therapist had asked me what sort of stuff I actually remember as I am a trauma holder and honestly, I really do forget it a lot beyond the label cause as I've mentioned before, I'm a very atypical trauma holder in this system and since I've been around again, I haven't really had large periods of which I have had my trauma shit triggered cause the system honestly accommodates me extensively to the point I forget I do.

Not really in a proper dissociative amnesia manner or anything, but just a "it's been a while since it was directly relevant to be thought about" manner. It took me a bit to actually pick it apart because honestly, I try not to fester in the past and I am a fan of turning all my weaknesses and hurt into things I own and use for my own strengths and all

But honestly, my shits and cackles aside, the reason I'm the way I am is because of a shit ton of neglect, a shit ton of competition in the house, and a shit ton of a need to intimidate and kick the ass of a lot of people growing up all combined and resulting in complete confusion in operating in societies based on attachment and comraderie and with people. A lot of that is easy to flip into a strength cause its largely the function I was made for (not necessarily as a part, but as my sister's attack dog) and honestly, it brings me a lot more strengths than weaknesses currently imo so I am not inclined to do much to change it, but there are times and moments where it would be honestly really nice to genuinely and authentically care about what people think of me and have that actually mean jacksquat.

Cause the shit came up in terms of Gender Dysphoria and sexuality with that shit, and a thing that never ceases to annoy me and frustrate me is that almost everyone always approaches it in a "well things that can be said from someone else" "well this and that" "well they feel" and all that shit and all but like

I literally don't care. I literally do not care. I literally can not care because for better or worse, how other people in this world perceive me literally means nothing to me because I never experienced the soft care or attention or any of that garbage family and friends shit, nor have I ever experienced the need or desire beyond our own system which HARDLY counts cause that's still fucking me.

The only opinion I really fucking care about is my own which is GREAT a lot of the time, but when it comes to shit like this I literally can't be pacified by anyone and its so fucking frustrating when all the support, resources and advice you go to for help like this assumes you have that ability to actually understand and process attachment and support and care or whatever.

This is not as absolute in terms of within-system dynamics but whenever it comes to people outside of the system I just really don't understand and can't understand it as a part because it literally just is not in my lexicon even after getting a taste and understanding of it within the system.

Issues like gender dysphoria related shit I wish there were more advice on how to address issues that aren't dependent on "well social conditioning" and "well others can say and do this" and "well others think this" and "well some people dont have this" cause I Dont. Care. About. Other's. Opinions. And. Experiences. On. This. All that shit just feels so fucking irrelevant cause like

Yeah.

I know.

What the fuck does someone else existing and thinking in one way relate at all to my situation? And yeah yeah "blah blah this fits in because ideas of this and that are inherently social in nature and blah blah blah" I dont fucking care.

It's so fucking annoying and I'm not asking for advice or anything. But its just so frustrating navigating a world where people actually make attachments to people and actually seek out approval and acknowledgement from people as someone who just does not compute it.

-XIV

#alter: xiv #vent #vent tw #trauma vent tw #you can comment and all but dont fuckign give me advice

[dysaniadisorder]

In regards to the "paladins and bards are at their core xyz", I'd love to hear your opinions on the rest of the classes as I struggle to have individual options about things and my ideas about classes are just a chaotic collage of things I've seen and read which can lead me to only being able to think of common tropes.

And I like having a springboard to come up with other ideas especially cos I'm coming up with a DnD PC and I liked what you were putting down.

yeah ofc !! to be fair i get a lot of my thoughts on dnd classes through d20 because they have so many cool genre twists (warlock pacts being marriage pacts, a druid whos a total stoner & environmental activist) but generally i just think people have kind of small minded ideas about dnd classes?

ive noticed something strange which is. weirdly enough, people who dont know almost anything about dnd are likely to have some of the most fun campaigns. and i think its because they dont have an already preconceived notion of like... what a wizard can and cant be, what a barbarian can and cant be, ect

subclasses are some of my favorite things in the WORLD and i think they contribute sooo much to the character. Like- yeah, Barbarian has Berserker or whatever, but theres also a subclass that can make you summon wind and snow, theres a subclass that gives you animal traits, theres a subclass that connects you to giants and makes you huge, theres even a wild magic barbarian subclass !!!

and i think adding that one more level of depth to a class just breaks way to a billion other ideas- i have a friend right now writing a character whos family are total hippies, and hes kind of a skater kid, but hes a cleric of peace.

the stereotypes are SO frustrating because no ones having fun anymore, and suddenly you have a dozen elf wizards who are tall and quiet and elegant, and suddenly you have a dozen half orc barbarians who hit hard and dont like having friends. I currently play an Artificer Alchemist, largely acclaimed to be thee most boring class, and theyre fun as hell. i cant do much but what i can do has helped me & the party immensly. my friends and i found charts of all the least popular classes & subclasses, and all the ones least used were cool as hell.

i currently have so many ideas for characters its not even funny !!! my favorite is a cleric who doesnt know theyre actually a warlock. not to mention- theres plenty chance a warlock was some other class before they were a warlock. i love in The Seven, Sam Nightingale has some Bard levels because she was a tv show star and had to take some Bard training because of the program. and like,, yeah! Bards that are not just about music but other points of charisma, honestly you could probably make a Bard politician crazy easily.

to be honest while i said passion is at the core of paladins and bards i think passion may just be at the center of all of them, but it could easily Not Be. Barbarians who hate being angry and struggle with it, Clerics who struggle with their religion (these are both d20 tropes), Monks have all SORTS of junk that I love,, look. when it comes down to it the stereotypes arent bad, they just end up making fairly 2d or boring characters most of the time, which they dont have to. alot of the (annoying) comments on that post are people talking about their characters that ARE this or that stereotype, and thats fine, they clearly love their character and it sounds like they do all sorts of fun stuff with them. but they can do sooo muuuuch moooore

i fun exercise thing i like to do is take characters from other things, either my own or a tv show or game or something and try to spec them as a dnd character. its incredibly fun

my personal favorite classes are Druids and Monks, especially bc i think Monks dont get enough love (also Druids are kind of overpowered) and multiclassing is also so so fuckign fun. my best advice is just like. i dont know. think outside the box & try to be weird about it. i had a friend with a character who was a barbarian bc he had anger issues, but his passion was in food, and as such he was literally a cleric of food. he would level up his classes based on how he had acted in the time sicne he last leveled up and it was always fairly sad when he'd gain a level of barbarian because he didnt want it. i hope this all helps i really love dnd classes

#asks #shades #dnd #d&d

[themagiciansreccenter]

Author Spotlight @echomoon

Every week we are going to be interviewing a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

what up im jared, im 19 and i never learned how to fuckign read. JK my name is Theo and I super know how to read. Most of the time. Also I’m 22. Anyway I’m one of the more OG members of the Magicians fandom, having been here since back in the early days of early s1. Uhhh I’m nonbinary and hella queer. Metafic is my most favorite thing in the world other than puppies. I cry at least once a day. I have adhd and depression and chronic pain and hella other issues. I’m an anthropology major, in my third year. I’m a slytherin, an illusions discipline, and a pisces.

How long have you been writing for?

Since I learned how, basically, but I only really started posting things online because of the Magicians and also because of Twilight?

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

It’s the BEST and I find it very easy to write from Quentin’s pov which means I actually finish things sometimes lol.

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Quentin, because he is essentially me if I was born as a cisdude except more repressed in terms of sexuality and also more wealthy, which makes him super easy to write and super easy to get ideas about. I also like Penny, because for some reason people think I’m good at writing him?

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

I write a lot set in the Brakebills years because I like the whole magic school thing and the exploration of magic and interpersonal relationships without having to deal with the Beast or other threats trying to destroy everything they know and love? Like I like that slow burn, spread out, things are happening but they’re happening slowly and also heres some meta about magic kind of exploration that that time gives me the opportunity to do. I think this is partially influenced by that the first book has them in that setting so much longer, and partially because I’m still doing the whole college thing myself and find that easiest to relate to (because no one really wants to read ‘Quentin working two part time jobs and struggling to survive and nothing else happens’ unless it’s just a tiny segment of the fic lmao).

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

Well, in regards to Magicians fic, I’m still trudging along on chapter two of Magician’s Path - I’m trying to introduce more of Julia’s side of the story as well as working on how to warp the two canons into each other while also making the storyline unique - and also on the next part of crazy/classic/life, my paradise kiss and magicians crossover au. I’m also trying to find the time to record more podfic of my fics, because I think its important to have audiofic available. But nothing new, just continuations.

As for other fandoms, I’m working on a HELLA long reworking of the Descendants universe (hi i love disney channel movies dont judge), and that’s my primary focus right now in terms of fic.

How long is your “to do list”?

Very

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

Oh heck, um… probably either all tied up or The Magician’s Path. all tied up was my first time writing PiV smut and also writing shadeless!Julia and I’m just really proud of it? And TMP is like, my baby, my huge multichapter canon reworking that I’m putting so much planning into and I’m always so excited to talk about it. I know it doesn’t seem like much yet but y’all I have so many plans for it and I hope you end up loving it as much as I do.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

TMP for sure - I hope that when I’m done more people give it a try.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

Ha my writing process is either ‘has no ideas for months straight and then suddenly idea when I’m supposed to be doing something else but I gotta write this down!!!’ or ‘one sentence every month at most’. Now that the FTB server has gotten bigger, I’ve found some people who will proofread for me, so there’s that editing process afterwards (thanks @oneeyeddestroyer for being the best beta).

I guess my only superstition is that if I’m doing a multichapter or big work I try not to give too much detail out when I talk about it because I get worried that saying about the plot too much will make me lose interest in it.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I do tend to write more when the show is airing, because more people are engaged and it’s something to fill the void between episodes - during hiatus I tend to drift away a bit and focus on other fandoms. This is the first show thats been so all consuming for me, I don’t usually watch things while they air because I tend to forget about remembering to watch them after a week or so? But Magicians keeps pulling me back and keeping me in.

As for ongoing canon developments, it really depends on the thing. If it fits into my plot of it’s a detail I want to put in, I might, but otherwise I’m comfortable lifting what I want from canon and throwing the rest out for a fic - we follow a show with canon multiverses, we can do what we want lmao.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

Honestly, most of my fics? Because I try to improve every time I write and like, explore new things. So whatever I’m working on at the time is the most challenging.

Are there any themes or tropes that you particularly like to explore in your writing?

EVERYONE BEING HAPPY AND NOTHING BAD HAPPENING EVER cough cough I mean, um. I like meta, I like worldbuilding and exploring meta and seeing what I can change. I keep accidentally writing soulmate fics? So that’s a trend I guess.

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Oh heck, so many dude, I don’t even know, I’m gonna just link you to my bookmarks because that’s the fic I love and probably unconsciously imitate on the often

As for nonfic, like I def want to write like Marisha Pessl or Tamora Pierce or Donna Tartt or Lev Grossman or Mark Z Danielewski but more in his house of leaves phase than his current stuff tbh or Neil Gaiman and also like. Everything that you read or watch or experience makes up how you see the world and how you create what you create and I consume so much stuff I can’t even begin to guess my influences beyond the little tidbits that I keep in my bookmarks or on my shelves.

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Currently I’m reading a lot of harry potter fic - the mood is the department of mysteries or other exploration of magic, so things related to that. HP fic is my go to when I’m not revving for any fandom in particular. Nonfic, I’m working my way through Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, which is hella fucking good, as well as a bajillion textbooks.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

Fuck canon do what you want

Cringe time:

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

Yes but now that you ask can I remember any? Nope.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

Oh shit dude I don’t even know. The earliest one I can remember was this like, post twilight self insert fic where the cullens came to my middle school for some reason? I barely finished the intro of it iirc but it might still be in my stack of papers in my old room somewhere.

Rapid Fire Round:

Self-edit or Beta? Beta (always get a beta kids! They’re worth their weight in gold)

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes? Comments!! (please, leave me comments, i live for them)

Smut, Fluff or Angst? fluff

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn? Slow burn

Favourite season? All?????? Dont make me choose

Favourite episode? Im stuck between life in a day or all that josh

Favourite book(The Magicians books)? Probably book 2, i love seeing julia’s side of things and exploring hedge magic

Three favourite words? BUTTS, lore, hearth

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

#the magicians rec center #author spotlight #author spotlight: echomoon

[whoisjinhwan]

100 reasons to love yuta

that smile™

did i mention he invented smiling??? Amazing

his PERFECT smile its by far the best smile ive EVER seen in my life. not to be dramatic but yutas smile has cured any sickness i have ever head and have yet to have not to be dramatic but every time i see yuta smile and get that twinkle in his eye my heart grows three times in size not to be dra

his boldness. hes very straightforward its so refreshing

the way his eyes get so wide when hes surprised or enthusiastic im SOFT

HIS BEAUTIFUL BIG CHOCOLATE BROWN CAT LIKE EYES !

his lips i… gtg. theyre perfectly heart shaped

his insane versatility. give him a fuckign Clown Concept complete with hair and makeup, he’ll pull it off. no printer just fax

hes so witty despite not being 100% fluent in korean its amazing bc these comments just roll off his tongue

his charisma…. God Tier. he puts it out there that hes That guy

he moved to korea from japan and learned korean so fast that he gave taeil an identity crisis wow

yuta saying OKAY OKAY all the time thats the Nakamotto™

all (2) of his lines in firetruck

his hair is so luscious if sm ever tries to cut it i will personally Go Off

how does he look so good in yellow?????? he really did That

middle part!yuta

his medium/high pitched speaking voice? yes

HIS SINGING. his voice is so soft and sweet what an angel. i always have to prepare myself before his parts in songs so that i dont get a stroke bc his voice flows like liquid gold its so entrancing and addicting that got long and gross really fast in conclusion : give him more lines!!!!!!!!!

cherry bomb yuta focus ver. truly a smash hit legend deal with it

hes so dual hes like the human embodiment of sin but hes so GOOD. honestly how does he do That

the way he loves skinship it KILLS ME hes always holding someones hand, has his arm around their shoulder, etc.

hes highkey a sweetheart have u seen the way he takes care of his members?? how hes always right there next to them, comforting them, just overall being super sensitive

how he acts with the younger members

his friendship with hansol

taeyong said he makes all the other members feel confident :)))

yuta saying “good job” and praising winwin 25/8

accidentally holding taeils hand

when ice cream was found yuta gave winwin the first bite

yuta ft sword protecting taeyong while he barbecues

cooking assistant!yuta

how hard he tries to include all the members during interviews

hes so precious he named winwin winko im ugly sobbing

SAVAGE YUTA!!! yuta doesnt fuck around he knows whats up this boi rlly roasted his own company for not giving him enough lines King Of Being Petty he roasts better than this oven im about to stuff myself into

his love for his heritage. he always mentions japan in his interviews like “im from japan, can I speak japanese, back in osaka…”

nct life in osaka : tourguide!yuta wandering around his hometown with his members having the time of his life made me softer than it needed to

the famous takoyaki prank #fail it was tragic

yuta tightly holding taeyongs hand in the haunted house? cute !!

yuta trying to wink but actually just…. blinking? cute!!

yutas love for ferris wheels? cute !!

THAT cherry blossom pic. call moma i think theyre missing a masterpiece

i could listen to him speak japanese all day amsr whomst???

hes such a tease like its not an nct video unless yuta tries to flirt with the camera

@stylists stop giving him jackets!!! he doesnt WANT them

his rap in open the door, a religious experience

he grinded on a minion i think about this every single one of my waking hours How To Bleach Your Eyes

he has chicken breasts in his backpack?? what a frekkin weirdo…..

“we dont speak, thats alright” + that ONE HAND MOVE in 0 mile

his accent when he speaks english

his cute way of saying words he doesnt know how to pronounce

hes always given the hardest parts in choreo like the lifting parts in firetruck and he does it well even when hes hurt :((((

he way he talks. he has so many opinions like when he was on abnormal summit every time he spoke it was iconic, we love a woke king hes just. so Good With Words

he admires his dad more than anything in the world

his gaze/stare ohohohohoohoho my gosh!!!!!

this ?? boy ?? really ?? signed with sm as a vocalist, trained as a rapper, and now has the role of a dancer in nct 127? what is this talent, is he like… real?

his LAUGH! the way his shoulders rise and his eyes turn into crescents… wow

his airport fashion! looks after looks after looks after looks af

he is the single most Extra person ive ever seen with my own two eyes

that one time on nct life in paju when they were playing soccer and he… PUT THE BALL INSIDE HIS SHIRT TO SNEAK A GOAL??? i think abt this a lot

cant whistle for shit

he once said he doesnt smile in airport pics bc he wants to look cool?????????? a Whole Scorpio

clumsy!yuta opening a fridge and dropping a jar of spam on his foot

calling taeyong tsundere

“healing smile but I can do killing too”

“i dont cook but im a good cook”

cooking!yuta being confident that hes first place but then being eliminated

his cover of touch my body by sistar. Legendary

he played soccer for 11 years so he can singlehandedly murder everyone when it comes to sports its so Sexci

bUT he doesnt have the strength to do winwins morning exercises

he literally said his favorite destinations are rest stops because he can eat and relax

yuta in haarpers bazaar ended every other model on earth thats the Tea

when he wore that shirt with barack obama on it… thats Woke

his skin!!!!!!! always got that Glo. anastasia who??? becca whom?

he needs to wear muscle tees forever bc a r m s, im crying, can you hear my tears

YUTAS HANDS !!!!!!!! YUTA WITH HANDS!!!!!!!!! YUTA WITH VEINY HANDS!!!!!!!!!! THE HANDS OF YUTA

his fanservice he! really called us princesses and is always throwing up hearts this is an attack!

slytherin!yuta with a milk mustache in universal studios

supreme anime connoisseur 

his drawing vs haechans drawing??

hes Highkey gay for winwin

mountain man? manly man? Who Know

forgot his own groups name???? New Culture Technology headass….

when he wears earbuds at the airport and looks like hes in a kdrama like what is he listening to? asking the Real Questions

yuta + lemon, a Tragedy

skater!yuta

yuta playing ping pong in nct life and getting super hyped up for no reason at all

when he runs his fingers thru his hair. gravity? idk her.

his favorite accessories are earrings and he always wears the ones his fans gift him

all his reactions are a1 wow, god of cute expressions

yuta eating happily makes my heart so full like do you see those cheeeeks!!!!

cherry bomb era… hes really a whole meal i am well FED

HEADBAND!YUTA

his shoulders = yes

the way he gets so nervous when he has to give a speech in tokyo dialect bc hes from osaka

if he were to be reborn he said hed want to be a woman my heart is BURSTING

he gives good advice. i love how he turns his own experiences into life lessons i love my Wise Boyfriend

“what kind of food is not important, who youre eating with is important”

people give yuta so much shit bc of his chin but i love how confident he is with himself. “you guys saw my teasers right? i was sexy wasnt i?” “i dont look for the camera, the camera looks for me” its so heartwarming bc hes That guy and he k n o w s

he said his ideal type is someone who knows the word “pain” like hes so much more than the smiley playful persona he has on camera if u dont think that super scorpio hides a shit ton of feelings and insecurities get off my lawn

hardworking!! hes improved so much as a dancer and hes always trying his best to make ncts broadcasts entertaining it makes my heart blush i LOVE him

he, nakamoto yuta, the light of my whole life, exists. hes Out There, living. i love being blessed everyday imagine not loving yuta thats :/ not relatable

#i rlly just poured my entire heart out its kinda gross but it was... necessary my heart was abt to BURST #i just Love him so much #yuthot #yuta #nakamoto yuta #nct yuta #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct dream #sm #sm ent #kpop #kpop scenarios #nct scenarios #nct preferences #exo #exo scenarios #taeyong #lee taeyong #neo culture technology #mark lee #ten #jaehyun #doyoung #taeil #winwin #chenle #jaemin #johnny