#yes i just wanted to self indulge in the fact i fucking love riley

[bubble-dream-inc]

many months later and after a lot of procrastinating i finally drew my cod ghosts oc. her name is anja köhler, she makes absolutely zero sense in the plot but i don't care and i love her very much.

#capy.draws #yes i just wanted to self indulge in the fact i fucking love riley #cod ghosts #call of duty ghosts #cod oc #is she also just a cheap excuse for me to practice my broken german? #yes she is!

[argylemnwrites]

Romantic Dreams Must Die

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Book 1, chapter 18)

Word Count: ~2100

Rating: PG-13 (language)

Summary: “So close to reaching that famous happy end. Almost believing this one’s not pretend.” ~So Close; written by Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz

Author’s Note: Written for the @choicesmonthlychallenge for August 5 - let go. Set during the dance between MC and either Hana, Maxwell, or Drake at the Coronation Ball. Inspired by the song “So Close” performed by Jon McLaughlin in the movie “Enchanted.”

Drake didn’t dance. Not since Savannah’s first few balls at least, when she’d begged him to not let her look like a loser by not having a partner. Back then, he’d grudgingly stumbled through a couple of dances with her leading him around, sure of all the steps while he tried not to let her down by tripping over his own feet. He hadn’t danced in over a decade, since they were both teenagers.

Hell, it had been years since anyone had really tried to get him to dance. Every so often, a crown chaser would approach him at the bar and fish for an invite, but most of them had done their research by this point and focused on trying to chat him up over a drink. It had certainly been a long time since Liam had attempted introducing him to daughters of diplomats or industry leaders at a ball or gala, and even Maxwell had stopped trying to force him onto the dance floor a few years back.

But here he was, dancing with Riley Liu. He’d dressed up in a frickin suit for her already tonight, so really this was just the next natural step in his journey into self-delusion. It was still unnerving. She shouldn’t have this sort of effect on him. For many reasons. Yet here he was, shuffling along as he tried not to make an even bigger fool of himself. He just couldn’t say no to her.

The trouble was, he realized, that she made it too easy to forget why she was here. When she sat on the floor, legs twisted like a pretzel in a pair of skin-tight jeans, an eyebrow raised in a silent challenge as he attempted to figure out whether to match her ante or fold during a late-night poker game, she didn’t seem like a future queen. When she swiped his flask and took a swig, giving him a middle finger as he protested, she also seemed like a total outsider at court. And now, with her body pressed gently against his, the scent of her peach perfume or lotion or whatever she used all he could smell, she didn’t seem like she was in love with Liam.

If only he could stay in a little bubble with just her, no one else, he could almost imagine a life with her. Where she was his, where he was… happy. But that wasn’t how the world worked. There was Liam and other nobles and a kingdom. And then there was him. And unlike him, she could fit in with all those other people. She had very nearly found a steady place among them already, and when Liam proposed to her tonight, her acceptance would be complete. No matter how much she insisted that wasn’t the case.

Her words were going to haunt him for the coming weeks. I promise, I’m still the same Riley. She made it so easy to believe that it was true. That she would still be a vision of snark and sarcasm who gave zero fucks. Hell, she probably thought that was the case. But Drake knew this place well enough to realize that he would have to be a damn fool to believe that was possible. Because when Liam got down on one knee, she was going to say yes. It would be nothing short of a foolish fantasy to imagine any other response.

Within months, she would be Queen of Cordonia. The wife of his best friend, living a fairy tale come to life. And he wasn’t going to have any part in it. Not in any way that mattered. Sure, he’d see her around. But she wasn’t going to find him in the lounge for drinks and poker. She wasn’t going to hold his hand as he told her about how much he missed Savannah. She certainly wasn’t going to hold him or kiss him again. And it was selfish for him to want to cling to those moments in between when she would be getting so much more. When he knew Liam and her could have a lifetime of happiness together.

Tonight was the end of any semblance of closeness between them, all of which was likely just a side effect of her initial confusion and irritation with the other members of court and her need to talk to the only other person around who understood her anger and frustration anyway. But he worried it would be the end of so many other things - her humor, her temper, her aggressively competitive spirit. Slowly but surely, all those things, everything that made her so fucking fantastic, would get shoved away, able to be a part of her less and less often. Diplomacy and negotiations, not sarcasm and fire, would be all she was allowed. And it would change her, maybe slowly at first. But years from now, she would look back and wonder how she had ever dropped an f-bomb in public, marvel at the fact that she ever told Olivia to shut her damn mouth.

It was just the way things would be, the inevitable future. And he needed to remember that. Not get swept up in this moment, not let himself believe things could ever work out. But he wasn’t ready to let go of Riley. This Riley, the way she was right now. So he held her as he tried to keep up with the steps of the waltz. Just for a moment letting himself feel like maybe, just maybe, this time, it would be different.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Drake didn’t dance. She’d learned this fact very early on. At first, she thought he was just being a fucking dick when he refused to teach her the Cordonian Waltz, but it became rapidly clear that Drake, in all his years hanging around the palace, had never picked up any ballroom dancing. And as the months ticked by, as she actually got to know him, befriended him, and felt drawn to him over and over again, she wondered how she had ever suspected that Drake would have been able to teach her any formal dancing. He wore denim to formal galas and events, for fuck’s sake. He might as well have tattooed “I hate all this shit” across his forehead - the message would have been the same.

But tonight… tonight he wore a suit. She didn’t know what it meant. He’d made it sound like Liam had basically demanded his presence, so she wasn’t sure why he’d bothered to dress up when he clearly didn’t actually want to be here. It was throwing her and everything she thought she knew. The fact that he looked damn handsome in his suit wasn’t helping matters either.

She knew her feelings for Drake were a problem. She finally had a chance at happiness with a prince who seemed straight out of a fairy tale, and she had to go and complicate everything by liking his best friend way too much, and in ways she definitely shouldn’t. The first time in years she’d let herself embrace anything more than something physical with a guy, and she found herself in some mad love triangle between best friends. 

Except for it wasn’t a love triangle. It was one guy who was the clear and obvious choice and one who had heartbreak and emotional unavailability written all over him. Being with Liam should make everyone happy, including her with her cargo load of baggage and abandonment issues. Being with Drake would probably cost her Maxwell’s friendship, Liam’s kindness, and her own sanity as Drake undoubtedly continued to run hot and cold with her. This shouldn’t even be a fucking choice.

This had to be her mantra. She needed to repeat it over and over to herself, somehow make herself believe it. She’d thought she was almost there, almost on board with a future with Liam, but then Drake wore a suit and told her he liked her just as she always had been. And it was making her question her decision all over again.

It felt like something out of a fairy tale or rom com, that one person who saw you exactly as you were, saw all your flaws, and who didn’t want to change a damn thing. And when he’d been trying to tell her something, she felt her hopes soaring all over again. When Hana and Maxwell had joined them, and the fragile moment crumbled to pieces in front of her, she was yanked back to reality yet again. But something about tonight felt different, something about Drake felt different tonight. Wanting to chase it, bring back that feeling of potential, that maybe all those nights filled with jokes and cards and whiskey actually had been building to something, she’d done the first thing she could think of to get him to herself again - she asked him to dance.

To her surprise, he’d taken her offered hand right away and only put up a token resistance before letting her tug him onto the dance floor without any grumbling or complaining. It was enough to send her heart soaring to foolish places. Sure, he was unsure and uncomfortable waltzing, but dancing with him at least felt natural. With everyone else, she always had to pretend to be more polite, more poised, more controlled. She would take her toes getting stepped on over having to put on her customer service personality every single time.

Sometimes, it felt like if she could get Drake alone, really and truly alone, without reminders of the court and the palace and Liam around every corner, that maybe things would be different. Maybe he wouldn’t shove her away anytime they got closer. It could be sarcasm and comfort and flirting all the time. But there was no way to erase everything, to feel like it was just the two of them with no one else that mattered.

Hell, he’d just reminded her tonight that fairy tales were best left for children. She knew she was being stupid here, setting herself up for devastation. She should be putting some distance between them and focusing on building a deeper connection with Liam. Indulging in fantasies when it came to Drake was only going to make it harder for her to feel something more than a crush with Liam.

She knew she needed to give that relationship a real chance, but it was hard to let go. How was she supposed to give up the one person here who she didn’t ever have to pretend around? How was it fair that when she finally found someone who could swap stories about neglectful mothers, it was with a guy she was attracted to that she shouldn’t be? It almost felt like a giant middle finger from the universe, to tease her with something that felt so right but that would end up being a mistake in the long run.

Maybe if Drake had really been the asshole he’d started off as, maybe then she would be happier. Because then she wouldn’t have to face the feeling that she was losing something special, this man that seemed to just get her, who she just got in return. She would just be blissfully ignorant, letting things with Liam, someone who was far too gentle and adoring for her judgemental, brash, broken self, progress without her mind and heart wandering to someone else far too often.

But that wasn’t the reality here, and she needed to accept that. It was time to move on from the potential of Drake she’d constructed in her mind. It was just hard to do that when his arm was wrapped around her, his hand resting on her back, holding her close. So for one song, she decided to indulge in the fantasy, that there was a man who wanted her, warts and all. One that really saw her and still somehow decided to stick around. She couldn’t keep pretending forever, but for just this moment, she let herself imagine a different future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The music changed. The moment was over. It was time to face the harsh truth. So Drake took a slow step back. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t ready for this all to end. Liam was going to propose to her. She wasn’t his. It was time to let her go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

He slowly pulled away from her almost as soon as the song ended. The spell of the moment was broken. Riley didn’t know if she was ready for the rest of the night, but she didn’t have much of a choice, so she dropped his hand, plastering on a smile as he awkwardly thanked her for the dance before she threw a quip back about making a gentleman out of him. It was time to let him go.

Permatag: @choicesficwriterscreations @walkerswhiskeygirl   @riley--walker  @bebepac @ravenpuff02 @oofchoices @octobereighth @drakewalker04 @kimmiedoo5  @mfackenthal  @thequeenofcronuts  

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @ao719 @mskaneko @katedrakeohd @jovialyouthmusic @marshmallowsandfire @axwalker @kingliam2019 @sirbeepsalot @texaskitten30 @princessleac1 @ladyangel70 @dcbbw @yaushie

Drake x MC: @no-one-u-know @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria  @iplaydrake @gibbles82 @drakewalkerisreal @notoriouscs  @drakesensworld @drake-colt-lover-99​

#drake walker #drake x mc #trr fanfic #trr #the royal romance #choices fanfiction

[scuttleboat]

If you're still up for it, i'm curious if you have any thoughts on what Bellamy's overall journey will be this season? Aside from, y'know, his whole (imo, unnecessary) redemption arc.

note: written after 406 

I think we’re in the middle of it, and one of the things that has been somewhat frustrating is that it’s kind of muddy what either Clarke or Bellamy’s character arcs are going to be. We’re halfway through, but neither of them have developed much or changed much since 403.  Octavia’s loss seemed like it would be significant but we still don’t know what the fallout will be for Bellamy.

Redemption in The 100

The concept of redemption is something that I think we as viewers have been hashing over since the first truly terrible things began to happen in season 2. We ask: 

Do these characters need to be redeemed? 

Is a redemption happening on screen?  

Even if we (the fans) may not think a “redemption arc” is required to like a character’s storyline, does that character themselves feel that they need to be redeemed in order to sleep at night?

What are the benchmarks of a “redemption arc” anyway, since it’s a thing that everyone talks about, yet seems to mean radically different things to different viewers.

Do we measure it by the religious ideas of penitence, atonement, etc? Or is there a pop fiction criteria for redemption that is unique to media, such as ‘feeling bad and doing something good so that the viewers are okay rooting for you again’?

Is a “redemption” possible in the accelerated timeline of the show, since on other series such a thing spans seasons or even the run of a series?

Why is everyone so sure that redemption arcs are happening or necessary?

And the one that gets to me:

Does the show even care about redemption as a storytelling trope, or is it enough in this world just to change one’s behavior?

That’s the one i think about a lot, wrt to characters like Bellamy, Lexa, Clarke, Kane, Jaha… who I’ll draw on since they’re some of the people with the highest body counts who are POV characters. With Clarke, she was devastated after 216, and she disappeared into the woods for 3 months. I think it was a conversation I had with @reblogginhood (so informative! she knows things.) last year about whether this period of forced isolation (similar to her year in the skybox) was her atonement for the deaths she allowed or caused in season 2.  In that case, her guilt was such that she seemed to need to punish herself, and the timeline of the series allowed for it.  

Lexa is a different case altogether: she tried to slaughter the kids at the dropship, she betrayed her allies and left them to be cannibalized, including the person she was falling in love with.  And yet, Lexa never displayed any indicators that she was undergoing a redemption arc, or even that she felt obligated to undergo one. I don’t think betraying Skaikru was a light decision for her by any means, and I think when she decided to protect them in s3 that it was a genuine move. Yet she never wept for the loss of life she caused, she never broke down and screamed and cried over her guilt…it wasn’t even clear that she felt any guilt at all. Responsibility yes, guilt no. She was a divine king doing what she need to protect her realm.  

Kane is another character who seems to feel, like Clarke, that atonement is required for ill deeds. He tries to sacrifice himself at the end of season 1, but Jaha “beats him to it”.  So Kane submits himself to the enemy in a dangerous self-sacrificing gesture in season 2, as his way to atone. That can be read as his redemption… maybe. Or is his redemption not the sacrifices, but actually the acts of good works that followed later? Was Kane’s redemption (for being part of a tyrranical Ark government) actually the choice to become a leader who acts in good faith, wisdom, and honor? Maybe he’s living that redemption every day, doing his best.

So maybe a character either thinks they need to atone or they don’t, what does “the narrative” think?  HA. TRICK QUESTION.  No one knows but JR and it’s up to us to read it and think it over. Fuck JR, go with “death of the author” if you want. In fact, I want to throw 2 definitions out here before I continue. These are, of course, overly simplistic explanations for complex theological and philosophical concepts, but it might help:

atonment - noun

satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.

(sometimes initial capital letter) Theology. the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, especially as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.

Archaic. reconciliation; agreement.

redemption - noun

an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.

deliverance; rescue.

Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.

atonement for guilt.

recovery by payment, as of something pledged.

For a lot of fans on a show this violent and this philosophical, there’s been discussion that a redemption comes “too soon” or isn’t “earned” if there isnt an act of atonement. Or sometimes people say the word “redemption” but they seem to be discussing atonement instead. paying for it, making amends, etc.  And often people talk as if the only way to “be redeemed” is by suffering.  There’s also, however, the concept that redemption comes through good works.  That we make amends for our misdeeds by choosing to do better. There are some acts that are too big to atone for, or there’s no one left to make amends to, and in that case one has to look instead to changing one’s behavior.  Making the choice to change.

And that’s brings me to Bellamy this season… [read more below the cut]

In 401 Kane told Bellamy to take it one day at a time (paraphrasing). Instead of obsessing about the past, make sure you do the right thing going forward, and this will ‘save’ you. While I know the Kane speech didn’t land well with everyone, in the abstract it’s a pretty well travelled philosophical idea. [[I don’t have the education to really get into it, but it’s a big part of some Christian dogma, for sure. I don’t have any education in Judaism but since JR is religious I’m sure that may factor in. And it’s part of American culture, which is where I (raging atheist) have absorbed it by osmosis.]]  When it comes to Bellamy’s character in season 4, especially with regards to a possible redemption… I think Bellamy wants very badly to atone. I think he has wanted that since 311-313 when he finally accepted that his actions were wrong according to his moral perspective. 

However, Bellamy is a very practical person. He doesn’t have time to run into the woods and atone in silent suffering. He doesn’t have time to go on a quest into the desert with 12 disciples looking for the promised land. Bellamy is cognizant of the immediate danger to his loved ones, so he’s going to act to protect them before he’s going to think about indulging in huge dramatic gestures of his sadness. Haters might want him to suffer but that’s just not realistic for this show. The most he can afford right now is to try to talk about his feelings (like to Riley and Echo in 405) or to put others before himself (like not wanting to be on the survivor list). There’s also the pressing matter that even if Bellamy were to do a big sacrificial gesture to atone and to earn redemption through suffering… that won’t help his sister live, and making sure Octavia survives matters a hell of a lot more to Bellamy than his self-image.

So is Bellamy going through a “redemption arc” right now?  Maybe. I don’t think he’s going through atonement, but I do think he’s trying to make wiser choices each day. I think he’s committing, as best he can, to save as many people he can each day (402), and he’s hoping that he’ll find some distant redemption by doing that. (if he’s even consciously thinking of it in those terms, which isn’t at all canon spoken, btw, so he might not be. He’s not trained in ethics or theology.)

What I think Bellamy is going through this season so far is a guilt arc.  He was in it for the back half of season 3, and he’s still in it. As things stand right now, I would like to think that his speech to Useless Riley in 405 was a wrap-up fo that. I felt guilt was pretty appropriate in 3B and starting season 4, since the writers have been trying to write their way back from their dumbfuck execution of his arc in 3a, but if he stays mired guilt for all season 4… that’s pretty one-note. I’m ready for that part of his character to move to the backburner. Not go away (lol this is The 100 after all), but no longer be the first bullet point on his character sheet every episode. I was with it up to a couple weeks ago, but this is mid season now!  I get it, Bellamy feels guilty.  Cool beans, BUT WHAT ELSE?  It’s definitely time for the writers to give him more to do emotionally.  As it is, though, I don’t think the show will let Bellamy move on until they let Octavia move on. That’s how it goes with the Blake siblings– when Octavia forgives Bellamy, he’ll be more able to forgive himself.  And that’s a totally fucked up thing to hinge one’s personal development on someone else…but these are the Blakes. They have a fucked up relationship. And before anyone asks, I’m not gonna get into whether it’s likely for Octavia to have or need a redemption arc because she’s is still in her emotional descent, and we don’t know what the other side is gonna be yet. Her collapse is in process.

To circle back around… I think one could make a really sound argument that  some characters see redemption as necessary (Clarke, Abby) and others don’t (Lexa, Murphy). So I don’t personally think that @the100writers feel it’s necessary every time. I think they’ve written a whole cast of people doing bad things, and some of those people are going to feel they have to make up for their mistakes, while others don’t. Whether or not that matches with what fans want to believe about their faves (Bellamy, Lexa, Murphy, Clarke) is always going to be up in the air.  IMO, it’s in-character for Bellamy to want to make amends, but it’s a fact of their world that he doesn’t have the opportunity. So he’s doing what he can one day at a time. Whether or not other fans think his actions require guilt or amends–and whether or not such things are being successfully shown on screen–is down to how we each interpret the show, and what unique circumstances we bring to our viewing experiences. In that vein, macro perspectives about whether giving a particular storyline to a particular character is an act of contributing to sex- or race-biased storytelling is also going to hugely depend on what what each viewer brings to the table, because not all of us see the same patterns at work.  And it runs into the storytelling reality that characters in spotlight roles means that they’re going to be faced with conflicts, negative circumstances, and ethical dilemmas. There’s supposedly no good guys on this show, so that means all of our faves are gonna do–and endure–terrible things.  Kill the idea that anyone here is a cupcake.*  People are going to die and people are going to kill, even people we think should be portrayed as noble or good. So it’s up to each viewer to look critically at a work of fiction, and talk about it, while at the same time understanding that at the end of the day no individual show or book or film is going to be everything we want, politically.  Whether or not we keep watching when a personal line is crossed is up to each of us to decide.

btw I think a lot of my opinions here about Bellamy’s s4 arc have been shaped by discussion I’ve had this season with other fans, so thanks for talking to me about Bellamy angst. Especially @mego42 and @storyskein and @velvet-tread, and more.  Talking to y’all is enlightening and makes me reconsider things all the time.

#the 100 meta #bellamy blake #bellamy blake meta #clarke griffin #commander lexa #marcus kane #anonymous #ask #* except niylah who is a cupcake probably. so far. at this moment.