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sweetsassymusic · 3 years

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The Long Kaz Rant I Told Myself I Wouldn’t Write, But Here We Are

This is probably an unpopular opinion. And I hope it doesn't come across as confrontational or anything because I don't mean it that way. But I've always been super confused by the way Kaz is accepted, basically across the entire fandom, as either morally gray or straight up villainous? He doesn’t really seem like either of those things to me. On a surface level, obviously there are things he’s done that are normally considered evil. He’s stolen, he’s killed, he threatened a child, he gouged out someone’s eye. And that’s all pretty bad, right? But it completely ignores the context given in the books. (More after the cut because this got too long...)

There’s a difference between doing something evil and doing something that’s shocking, “dark,” or difficult to watch.

Before I read the books, I heard fans discuss all the horrible things Kaz does. And the way people talk about him, I was expecting him to be… Feral Kaz – someone who delights in doing horrible things because he’s just so twisted and angry. The author herself even referred to him on her blog as being utterly despicable. Wow! This guy must really go out of his way to hurt innocent people, huh? So when I sat down to actually read it, I was so surprised. Most (if not all?) the killings were done on some level of self-defense. His “murder victims” were actual evil people trying to kill him or someone he loved. And the reason he threatened a child was because the only alternative was killing her – something he would never want to do. You know, because he’s not evil.

I don’t know if I just have very different definitions of these terms than most people? But to me, the idea of Kaz being “utterly despicable” should not even be on the table to begin with (Leigh Bardugo, you good?) and even the idea of him being “morally gray” is questionable.

When I think of a morally good character, I don’t think of someone who never does anything questionable or always perfectly makes the correct choices. I think of someone who is on a mission–either to protect the world, a loved one, or simply pursuing a personal goal–who at least tries to conduct his mission in a way that either does no harm to others, or (when that’s not possible) does as little harm as necessary to get the job done.

Whereas, when I think of a villainous character, I think of someone who has no regard for others at all. Someone who either relishes in harming the innocent, or pays zero consideration to whether he harms innocents while pursuing his goals (which are usually, in themselves, harmful to innocent people).

And finally, when I think of a morally gray character, I think of someone directly between these two. Someone who is a little bit evil, a little bit sadistic, but not entirely evil. He’s got a few good points too. Maybe he’s someone who keeps switching sides, unsure if he wants to be a hero or villain. Maybe he has hurt a lot of innocent people unnecessarily, but he joins in with the good guys for personal gain, and people don’t mind him there simply because he doesn’t interfere with the protagonist’s goals. Or maybe he’s the “Bad Cop” to someone else’s Good Cop: someone who uses more violence than is necessary, just for fun, but still helps the good side in some capacity, so everyone chooses to look past it.

Under these definitions, Kaz (to me) seems more like a good character. While pursuing his personal goals, he protects people he loves, and yes, he does do “dark” things. But he doesn’t relish in doing them (despite his reputation in-universe of being a chaotic sadist. His reputation is not accurate; he invented it for his own protection). He does them because he has to. If he can get the job done right without hurting anyone, that’s the route he’ll take. But that option isn’t always available. And he’s not the type to lie down and die just to avoid getting his hands dirty (nor should he, imo).

Again, maybe I just have a different idea of what constitutes being morally gray. But I always thought it was meant to be a judgment on the choices you make when you actually HAVE a choice? A morally gray character has the choice to be good or evil, and they choose to do both (which one depending on how they feel that day).

Whereas, if you do something “bad” because circumstances force you to do it–because you or someone you love will die otherwise–that’s pretty much the same as having a gun to your head. You’re not morally gray. You’re doing it under duress. It’s survival, not a reflection of where you stand on moral topics. Like, if you trap a vegan in a room with only a piece of meat, and you leave them there for days, weeks, that person doesn’t suddenly become a “fake vegan” if they eat that meat to avoid literally starving to death. You forced them to do it. When it comes to their moral beliefs, they would still be a vegan if they had the freedom to make that choice. You just put them in a situation where those choices aren’t available to them. Your lack of freedom in a situation shouldn’t define you.

The same can be said for placing a starving, homeless orphan boy alone in the dog-eat-dog world of Ketterdam. The option of being a sweet little law-abiding citizen is not available to him. So is it really fair to define him by something in which he had no choice?

I’ve come across so many GrishaVerse fans who, while sipping on their Starbucks in the comfort of their own home, go “Ugh, Kaz. He’s so DARK, so EVIL!” (Fun fact: while my mom was watching the show, she said Kaz is evil because “he seems to always have a plan.” Oh no! Not PLANS!) “He must be some kind of monster to be able to do the things he does and still live with himself! I could NEVER do those things!” Well…you’ve never actually had to do those things? Your life has never depended on it? Idk, to me, it’s just a very privileged take. And I’m not trying to make this into a big social issue. It’s not like criticism against a fictional character is anywhere near the same level of importance as the issues marginalized people are facing in real life. I’m just saying, it’s very easy to condemn activity you’ve never been forced to engage in for your own survival.

One of the biggest reasons people have given me for why they think Kaz is evil is that he is “for himself.” Even the author said she thinks Kaz is worse than the Darkling (who, I’ve gotten the impression, she believes to be irredeemable) because the Darkling has communal goals (he wants to bring positive change for other people/the world at large) while Kaz’s goals are just personal (he wants to bring positive change for himself and only himself). And for one? It just isn’t true: many (if not most) of the things Kaz does is either for his Crows or for his late brother; he just disguises it with supposed self-interest for the sake of his reputation. And second? It’s…not actually wrong to have personal goals or to act in self-interest. Bettering your own life is a valid desire. It’s not the same as being selfish. Not everything you do has to be for other people.

(And, tbh, this is something Leigh Bardugo seems to have a problem with in general, not just in this scenario. I could write a whole separate rant about other characters that were demonized in-narrative for engaging in “too much” self-care, and how her unforgivingly black and white morality ruined the Shadow and Bone trilogy for me. Worst of all, she even seemed to imply recently that the only reason real-life antisemitism is wrong is because “the Jews didn’t fight back”? [Like, if they had met her criteria of “fighting back”, would that make antisemitism somewhat justified to her? What? Idek, but she should really clarify.] Basically, she seems to take “non-selfishness” to an extreme. I don’t know her personally, I don’t want to make assumptions, I don’t have anything personal against her, and I’m not trying to get her cancelled or anything, I promise. But please, when you read her books, please don’t accept all her ideas at face value, because there’s some Weird Shit™ in there sometimes.)

Anyway, another reason people say Kaz is bad or morally gray is that he wants revenge. “Revenge is a bad coping mechanism! You should want JUSTICE! Not REVENGE!” And again, this argument is wild to me. I mean, yes, there are situations–especially in real life, modern, western contexts–where revenge is a bad coping mechanism someone has developed, and transforming their anger into a desire for justice is a way for them to overcome that and express their anger in a healthier way. But that’s a very specific scenario. When we’re talking generally, the line between revenge and justice is a lot thinner than people think (and in some scenarios, there is no line at all).

For example, real life victims and their families often say they can’t wait to see the perpetrator rot in prison, even wishing (sometimes even fantasizing) that the guy gets abused in prison by fellow inmates. For them, justice and revenge are wrapped up together in one big court-issued sentence. And while some people find that disturbing or take issue with it, it’s…generally considered valid outrage? This guy is evil and hurt them, so it’s okay for these people to want him to suffer. And most importantly, these people called the cops instead of taking matters into their own hands, therefore they’re Good, right? They’re good citizens who obey and rely on the established authority, therefore they are handling their anger in an Acceptable™ way?

But in the world of Ketterdam, if someone has victimized you, or is trying to kill you or someone you love, you can’t just call the fucking cops (and let’s be honest, looking at irl cops, it’s a questionable idea here too sometimes). If we’re analyzing Kaz’s outrage and how he handles it, we have to analyze it in the context of where he lives, not where we live. We have options in our lives that Kaz doesn’t have. So we have to ask, what are the most productive steps he could realistically take in his world?

I see activists and bloggers on websites like this, publicly fantasizing about gouging the eyes out of certain politicians and right-wing figureheads. And they would probably do it for real if they could. On Tumblr and Twitter, this is generally considered righteous anger. The politicians are evil, so it’s okay to hurt them, right? That’s how the logic goes, anyway (I know some will disagree, but it’s a common take here). Well, imagine if, instead of just being a bigot, one of these evil people personally stabbed–possibly killed–your girlfriend. And there were no cops to call, no news stations or social media to turn to, to show people what this guy did. No authority or community on your side. No way to ensure this guy faced consequences for his actions. There’s just you, your dying girlfriend, your helplessness, your anger. What would be the appropriate way to handle this situation, so you were acting out of justice instead of revenge? What does “justice” even mean in a world like that? It’s a world where either you hurt others or you lie down and just let others keep hurting those you love (which, in itself, would be evil). I can’t think of any “appropriate” response Kaz could take. Which, for better or worse, is probably why he just went for the eye. You probably would too in that context. Are you morally gray? I doubt it.

It’s really weird to me how people seem to hold Kaz to this high standard of absolute Moral Purity, but they don’t hold other characters to it. Like, was the dad on Taken being “feral” or “morally gray” when he told his daughter’s kidnapper that “I will find you and I will kill you” and then pursued him with fury? His motivations were personal and not communal. He was coming from a place of revenge, just as much as justice. But most people consider him a hero. He’s not controversial or “dark.” There are plenty of other heroes who do terrible things (sometimes to innocent people! Even when it’s not even necessary!) for the “greater good” or just because it’s convenient. People call them a “badass” and then turn around and say Kaz is just “bad.” Idk, it just seems really arbitrary the way people draw these lines.

If we’re expanding the definition of “morally gray” to include anyone who’s ever done anything questionable, made a mistake, been forced to do something they wouldn’t normally do, done something for personal reasons instead of for the world at large, or wanted revenge for something, then there literally are no heroes in fiction (except maybe a few cardboard cutouts) or in real life.

(Ironically, the most morally gray thing Kaz does, imo, is something most people don’t even have a problem with: the fact he runs a gambling house to “take money from pigeons.” And even that is really mild [no one is forcing the “pigeons” to gamble their money away]. But yeah, that’s one of the few instances I could think of where he actually hurt innocent people unnecessarily. That and the time, as a kid, where he stole candy from that other kid...and even that might be mostly-but-not-entirely excused by the fact he was starving to death. But yeah.)

#Kaz Brekker #Shadow and Bone #grishaverse #tw: antisemitism #Grisha #my meta

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taeyongdoyoung · 4 years

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summary: you are a mermaid and you save a handsome man from drowning but little do you know it’s not his first rodeo when dealing with mermaids. seonghwa, a former prince, is currently hongjoong’s first mate and boyfriend. hongjoong is the captain, the pirate king of the most savage crew across the seas. and you want nothing to do with them. not because they’re pirates, but because they’re humans…

ship: mermaid!reader x prince/pirate!seonghwa x pirate!hongjoong

genre: little mermaid!au, pirate!au, romance, ANGST, fantasy

warnings: suicide mentions, murder mentions (rip ariel), depression, panic attack, threats, someone loses a hand (bc let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be a pirate story without hooks), manipulation, betrayal, kidnapping

author’s note: mingi has a cameo, i made him a huge asshole (so sorry, irl mingi), just a reminder that everything i write is completely fictional! mingi is a a total sweetheart, i just needed a villain for the story to develop lmao

word count: 3k

chapter one ☠️ chapter two ☠️ chapter three ☠️ chapter four ☠️ chapter five ☠️ chapter seven ☠️ chapter eight ☠️chapter nine ☠️ chapter ten ☠️ chapter eleven ☠️ chapter twelve ☠️ chapter thirteen☠️ spotify playlist

You finally felt ready enough to face Seonghwa and let him explain himself. It was only fair, after all. You couldn’t take Hongjoong’s word for it, considering how he felt about you. You had to hear Seonghwa’s side of the story in order to make a proper decision. So, when you swam back to the ship all by yourself (because you didn’t want to deal with Soojin’s cheerful remarks right now), you were happy that Hongjoong wasn’t anywhere to be seen. You assumed he would drown you himself if given the chance. Luckily, you saw Yeosang nearby.

“Yeo!” you whisper-yelled. “Can you call Seonghwa for me?”

“Y/N!” Yeosang seemed surprised to see you. “I’ll get him for you rightaway.”

“Great, thanks!”

“Are you…okay?” he was obviously concerned.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” you lied, because you didn’t feel like getting into it in front of Yeosang.

“Just asking,” Yeosang replied vaguely and went to call Seonghwa.

Soon enough, you were faced with him. It had only been a week of no contact with the gorgeous man and you felt like you had missed him for an eternity. You quickly reminded yourself of the reason you’d come here. You couldn’t go easy on him.

“I need to talk to you,” you stated directly.

“I understand,” Seonghwa sighed. “What about?”

“You know what,” you observed. Judging by how guilty his pretty face looked, he knew very well. And he’d spent many sleepless nights considering it. Serves him right, you thought.

“Do you want me to deny it? Because I can’t,” Seonghwa’s voice broke. “It’s true. I knew Ariel and loved her and she died because of that. You have every right to hate me. What more can I say?”

You looked away, overwhelmed by the painful realization Hongjoong had been telling the truth. But he’d left something out, you knew it.

“Tell me the whole story,” you insisted. “You didn’t kill Ariel yourself, right?”

“Of course not!” Seonghwa cried out.

“Then give me a reason to forgive you for keeping this a secret!” you continued. You couldn’t imagine Seonghwa to be the bad guy. You just couldn’t.

“The local tales have got it all wrong,” Hwa admitted. “I was going to marry Ariel, I didn’t give a shit about that princess my parents were trying to set me up with. See, the thing is…they just couldn’t let me be happy. They bribed the sea witch into turning Ariel into sea foam. When I found out, I was so heartbroken I considering ending my own life. But I had to avenge her death, first. So, I tricked the witch into transforming her body into an exact replica of mine. Her greed was so big she really thought I was just going to hand her my kingdom on a plate. After she was done with the magic, I killed her. I made sure my parents would find the body, because I wanted them to suffer for what they’d done to Ariel. By the time I was done executing my revenge, I didn’t want to die. I knew I had to keep living. For her.”

Your eyes were welled up with tears. Seonghwa’s story was completely devastating. And looking at him now…you knew that was the whole truth. You couldn’t have it any other way. But you also couldn’t bear staying. Not yet, at least.

“Seonghwa…I appreciate you telling me all this,” you murmured. “But I’m going to need some time alone, okay? I loved Ariel, too, you know? And this is just…a lot to take in, yeah?”

Seonghwa nodded sadly.

“I’m going to respect your decision. If you want to talk again, you know where to find me, right?”

“Right. Take care, Seonghwa,” you closed your eyes and sniffed lightly.

“You too, Y/N.”

“And…Seonghwa?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

And with that, you swam away.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

This shit hurt like hell. I thought my heart had been at its limit when I found out Ariel had been turned into sea foam. Or when I realized Hongjoong had betrayed my trust. I didn’t think it could take any more heartbreak. But here it was. Still beating despite everything I’d been through. I remembered the time I’d wanted to kill myself. Put an end to all my suffering. I felt that wish slowly returning to me. But I couldn’t imagine inflicting such pain on Y/N or my crewmates. Not even Hongjoong…Because even though he stabbed me in the back, I still cared for him deeply. I also thought about Y/N’s last words to me. She didn’t hate me. Despite all I’d had done, she couldn’t hate me. I kept repeating that to myself. She just needed some time to figure things out for herself. If she could potentially forgive me…why couldn’t I forgive myself?

“Hyung, your hands are shaking!” Yeosang interrupted my distressing thoughts all of a sudden. He grabbed them tightly. “Just, breathe, okay?”

I tried to do as he said. But I felt so numb. So weak. So…alone.

“Everything will be fine, hyung, I’m here,” Yeosang kept repeating until my hands stopped shaking. Then, he held me while I fell asleep without saying a word. I was too weak to even open my mouth. What had become of me? I needed to pull myself together.

☠️☠️☠️

In the morning, I couldn’t find Yeosang in the room. I was just about to thank him for everything he’d done for me. I was feeling a lot better and wanted to cook him some chicken to show my gratitude. When I came out of the room, I asked Wooyoung and San if they had seen him, but they said they hadn’t, which was slightly troubling. Me and Hongjoong still weren’t on speaking terms, so I didn’t bother looking for him. I would find Sangie myself. After an hour, I had searched the whole ship. And there was no trace of Yeosang. Which was extremely distressing. Where could he have gone? Without telling anyone? Not me, not even his best friend Wooyoung. Well, desperate times called for desperate measures. So, I found myself forced to reach out to Hongjoong.

“Have you seen Yeosang?” I asked him without even knocking on his door.

“Oh, so now you want to talk to me?” Hongjoong scoffed.

“I don’t want to,” I groaned. “But I’m worried about him. No one’s heard from him for the past hour. I couldn’t find him anywhere. It’s weird.”

Hongjoong put a hand on his forehead in a tired but unsurprised manner. He obviously knew something I didn’t.

“Hongjoong, where is he?”

“Set the course for Mingi’s territory, I’ll explain everything once we get Yeosang back.”

“WHAT?” I yelled, completely terrified for Yeosang’s life. “WHAT WOULD YEOSANG BE DOING IN MINGI’S TERRITORY?”

☠️☠️☠️

Yeosang’s POV

In retrospect, coming here on my own was a very bad idea. But when I woke up in the middle of the night found a note next to my pillow, saying “Come alone if you don’t want your friends to get hurt,” signed with Mingi’s name, I just couldn’t refuse the challenge. I thought I could take him down once and for all. After he’d sold us out for more treasures and a bigger ship, I wanted nothing more than to get rid of him. But I had overestimated my abilities.

“Where is my ring, Kang?” Mingi roared angrily the minute I set foot on his ship.

“What ring?” I played dumb and gave him the most innocent smile I was capable of.

“The ring you stole from me, you bastard!” Mingi hissed. “Fight with me again. Winner keeps the ring.”

“I don’t have your ring,” I admitted. How could I? I had given it to Soojin…But I would never tell Mingi that. I couldn’t risk him going after my sweet angel.

“You lost it?” Mingi screamed in frustration.

“Whatcha gonna do if I did?” I smirked mischievously. I shouldn’t have asked, damnit. Shouldn’t have provoked him.

Mingi lunged at me with his sword. I pulled out mine quickly and fought back. But fuck me, he was faster and more skilled than the last time I’d faced him. He’d been working out, too. Why did I come here again? Ah, yes, thinking it would be noble to sacrifice myself. As long as my friends were safe, right? Well, guess what, dumbass. If I died, what’s the guarantee Mingi wouldn’t come after my friends, anyways? I fought him as hard as I could but I was so tired…I hadn’t been sleeping much the last coupled of days, because I was too busy comforting Seonghwa and making sure he wasn’t going to do something stupid to himself. And now, all these sleepless nights were taking their toll on my sword performance. One moment of distraction and I would be dead. Mingi could spot my frailness and took advantage of it. So far I was managing to give as good as I get. But I knew this couldn’t last forever. I had come totally unprepared for a fight. When Mingi cut off my right hand, I could barely register what had happened. I just stared at my bleeding arm and the limp hand lying on the ground. Mingi was staring, too. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done.

“Fuck!” I screamed in pain and no sooner had I said that than Hongjoong and Seonghwa appeared from out of nowhere and attacked Mingi’s ship with guns blazing. Thank God. Then, I passed out.

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong’s POV

“Shh, let him rest,” I whispered to Wooyoung who was being way too loud once we had safely returned to our own ship. Recap: we took Mingi by surprise, which is why we were lucky enough to succeed in disarming him and snatch poor Yeosang away from him. Mingi had not expected us to find him so quickly but the thing is, I knew him all too well. So, locating him hadn’t been difficult. It was watching the consequences of my mistakes that was hard. Because of my softness, Yeosang had lost his hand…If only I had killed Mingi when I’d had the chance. But he used to be one of us. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We’d almost gotten executed by the army for being pirates because of his betrayal. And for what? More treasures? A bigger ship? Insignificant things when compared to having a purpose in life, having a family. But who was I to judge him? After all, I had been guilty of treason myself. The way I hurt Seonghwa…I could never forgive myself, even if he, by some miracle, did. I was such an incorrigible asshole.

“What happened?” I heard Yeosang’s weak voice pull me out of my self-deprecating thoughts.

“Well, for starters, you lost a hand,” I informed Yeosang, thought I doubted my input would be of much help.

“I can see that, jackass,” Yeosang rolled his eyes. “How did you get me out in time? How did you beat Mingi?”

“We were just lucky, that’s all,” I lied. I was doing an awful lot of that recently. Yeosang didn’t have to know what I’d given up in order to get there on time. It would break him. And he had already been through hell.

Yeosang narrowed his stare in suspicion, but didn’t push it.

“Where is Seonghwa?”

“He’s resting,” Wooyoung responded. “You should, too, pal, you look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Yeosang groaned sarcastically.

“Listen, Sangie…I know you probably don’t want to hear any of that right now, but this is just a reminder that we’re here for you. And this isn’t the end. You can always learn how to use a sword with your left hand and…”

“You’re right, Cap,” Yeosang cut me off. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

I nodded in understanding.

“Get some sleep, yeah? We’ll talk again…once you’re ready.”

Wooyoung gave his best friend a supportive squeeze of the arm and we left Yeosang to his own devices. He’d be okay. He was a strong one. But me? I was way past saving…

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

“You promised you’d explain everything once we get Yeosang back,” I grabbed Hongjoong by the collar of his shirt. “We got him back. How did you know he would be on Mingi’s ship? And how on earth did you make the ship move so fast?”

Hongjoong closed his eyes to hide himself from me. But I wasn’t going to let him. He would tell me the truth or he would have to say goodbye to me. For good.

“Seonghwa…”

“No, Hongjoong. You will tell me everything right now or I’m walking out of here, you hear me?”

Hongjoong opened his eyes, fear evident in them.

“Where do you want me to start?”

“At the beginning.”

“But you have to listen without saying a word. Telling you all this is going to be quite difficult for me. If you have any questions, ask me after I’m done. Can you do that for me?”

I nodded.

“So…you know how Yeosang stole this really pretty ring from Mingi back when he betrayed us? But what you don’t know is that this ring was the only thing Mingi had left from his lover. Now, I don’t know her identity but whoever she was, she meant the world to Mingi. See, the problem is…Yeosang gave that ring to Soojin. And I somehow…suspected that Mingi would find out the ring was missing. That he would come looking for the ring. And I was right. It’s just a miracle we got there on time.”

I tilted my head slightly. Something didn’t add up. I didn’t trust Hongjoong’s bullshit explanation. He was keeping something from me. Again.

“You suspected it? A miracle? Do you take me for a fool, Hongjoong? What are you not telling me?”

Hongjoong bit his lower lip as if it to keep his precious secrets from spilling.

“Mingi’s lover was the sea witch you killed. The same who turned Ariel into sea foam.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I hissed angrily.

“I wish I was. A couple of hours ago when we were on his ship, Mingi confronted me about it. He said he knew she wouldn’t just disappear from him without a trace. I told him she was dead. I’d buried her body. Well, your body. ”

“Hongjoong…” I clenched my fists and gave him a warning look that was self-explanatory.

“I didn’t tell him you killed her, of course,” Hongjoong replied quickly. “But I did tell him it was mermaids who killed her,” he announced proudly. What the fuck?

“You didn’t…” I said in vain, even though I already knew he did. He was that big of a dumbass. “What if he comes after Y/N? After Soojin? They’re innocent, Hongjoong! How could you involve them like this?”

“Was I supposed to let Mingi come after you? We barely escaped him...”

I shook my head in disappointment. He was insane. Then, it hit me. He was still hiding something. Something bigger.

“How did we get there so fast?”

Hongjoong gulped nervously.

“Don’t make me…” he begged.

“Make you?” I laughed maniacally. “You dug your own grave, sweetheart.”

Hongjoong flinched as if I’d struck him. Had I gone too far? Maybe. But he started it.

“I won’t tell you,” he was adamant about it. “I’ll tell you anything else but not this.”

“Then, we’re done here,” I turned around and started walking away.

“No, Hwa, please,” Hongjoong begged and tried to take my hand but I shrugged him off.

“You don’t get to keep things like that from me, to betray my trust again and again, and then ask me to stay,” I whispered.

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

Reader’s POV

“How long will it take you to forgive Seonghwa?” Soojin sighed, exasperated.

“What’s it to you? You can go see your precious boyfriend whenever you want,” you snapped at your sister.

“Yeah, but it’s way more fun when we go to our pirates together!” Soojin explained.

You laughed sarcastically.

“Since when are they our pirates? They are humans, Soojin, not property!”

“Okay, okay,” Soojin lifted her arms in the air, surrendering. “But seriously…we should go talk to them again. I have a bad feeling…I don’t know how to explain it, I just…I’m worried about Yeosang. Please?”

You agreed reluctantly.

“But if everything’s alright, I’m going back here,” you announced.

Soojin nodded excitedly. The two of you swam up. Once you reached the surface, you realized Soojin had picked an awful time to check up on Yeosang. It was too dark. And as you approached the ship, you were overwhelmed by a gnawing sensation. Soojin had been right. Something was awfully wrong. The ship seemed exactly like Hongjoong’s…And yet, there was something strange you couldn’t quite place. Did it look bigger at night? How was this possible? You had seen it at night when you’d saved Seonghwa from drowning…And it did not look like this. Had your memories deceived you? You could tell this was certainly a pirate ship. But why were you doubting it was the pirate ship you’d been looking for? What were the odds to run into other pirates in the middle of the night? You were fairly certain you could recognize Hongjoong’s ship anywhere. And yet…

“Yeosang!” Soojin started screaming mournfully. “Where are you?” You could tell by her voice that she was worried sick about her pirate boyfriend. And for a good reason.

“Shh,” you pressed your hand against your sister’s mouth. “Quiet. Something’s not right.”

She blinked at you in confusion.

“What do you mean?” she mouthed.

“I don’t know,” you mouthed back. “But before we found out, can you keep it down?”

Soojin nodded, obviously trusting your judgement. She was uncharacteristically anxious, too. Instead of her usual cheerful self, she was being very jumpy.

“Listen…let’s come back here when it’s daylight, okay?” you suggested. “I’m sure Yeosang will be fine.”

“Just let me try calling his name one more time, yeah?” Soojin murmured hopefully.

“Soojin, no!” you tried to stop her but it was already too late.

“YEOSANG!” Soojin cried out.

It was in that moment the fishnets fell upon you.

To be continued…

#ateez #seonghwa #hongjoong #yeosang #mingi #seongjoong #seonghwa x reader #ateez angst #ateez x reader #soojin #(g)i-dle #pirate au #mermaid au #writing

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jean----ralphio · 3 years

Text

Ep 5 of BoB tiiiime <3

Episode 5: Crossroads, but I’m renaming it “Holy crap is this a whooper of an ep, guys. So much haaaappeeeeens. Also, I freaked out cos I thought it was Bastogne but now I’m like oh phew. That’s for Future!Laura to freak out about”.

Ready? Let’s go!

01:15 Johnny ‘unimpressed’ Martin pulling one of his patented bitch-faces in the credits, we stan.

02:31 OHHHHH IT’S IRL DICK! We love you!!!

03:45 God I love the technique they use with the shaking, ground-level camera whenever Dick is running. It’s so realistic. And how he’s gasping for breath. Not like in movies when people just seem to run forever so easily. This whole scene, the pacing and the setting, you don’t know what’s happened or what’s happening currently, all you know is he’s running and alone and breathless and it’s all so frantic and my heart just cannot take it with this fucking show you guys!

04:04 Oh God. The kid. He sorta smiles? He doesn’t get it at first. I can’t.

04:10 SCHOONDERLOGT??!! THIS PLACE IS CALLED SCHOONDERLOGT? I LOVE IT!!!

04:34 Wake up from your post-coital nap, Nix!

04:42 Genuinely thought Dick was slapping his butt LMAO

04:46 HOE DON’T DO IT

04:55 I love how Dick is horrified for exactly a split second and then he’s just like LOL. Real talk, when does he laugh around anyone but Nix? He smiles around others but not the same as when he’s with Nix, and he sure as heck doesn’t laugh. Except for maybe with Harry. But Harry’s Harry, it’s a given.

05:15 Nix has forgiven him quickly, it seems. Probably because Dick let him sit in the front seat.

05:22 They’re so married.

06:13 Don’t flirt with Dick’s husband, Hot Brit.

06:23 He just did it again, after I specifically told him not to! You’re on thin ice now, Hot Brit.

06:47 Dick hasn’t been doing his homework.

06:54 No Dick, Nix is busy with his new hot friend, go do your homework.

07:07 What happens if you make a mistake on a typewriter? Can’t backspace lol. Imagine all that typing, getting to like the last character and fucking it up.

07:26 DOGGIE!

08:00 OK I’m sorry which guy was it that just burst in screaming “PENETRATION!” I need to marry them even though I’m already married, and I don’t think it was Rich. Whoever it was, I want to shake their hand, at least.

08:17 No. Do not blame Lieb for anything, ever.

08:29 Roe in action <3

08:39 “Hey Alley.” “Heyyy.” I love them. My babies <3

08:53 The boys want revenge.

09:33 Lol @ Tab, “They’re not as smart as me and you?”

10:23 ISTG I need a translation or subtitles for the hand-signals. I would hard out be chillin at the back yelling “WTF MAN. DICK! HEY DICK! I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. YOU.” And then we’d all die cos they’d hear.

10:26 RICH! IT’S RICH YOU GUYS!!!

11:22 RICH <3

12:14 LMAO Lieb is so excited.

12:33 Dick is so fucking smart, making sure everyone has a target to eliminate so they’re not outnumbered for long and the most immediate threats are taken care of <3

12:38 RICH <3 It’s so cool to see him doing his mortar thing, not just comic relief or providing me with dopamine by simply existing.

14:29 The gunshots and then crossing to the typewriter keys ugh this shooooooow

15:40 Enter?? LMFAO Who says that!! Oh look, Nix has come to apologize for encouraging the flirtatious Hot Brit. He missed you <3

15:52 Dick is in love with Nix. And Nix is in love with Dick. Husbands <3

16:15 This entire exchange is the most A+ flirting. I love how Dick just plants the thought and leaves it to Nix. He doesn’t push. He accepts Nix as he is and <3’s him

16:59 LOL @ Nix “That’s not literature… say ‘we’ a lot,” so supportive and helpful.

17:35 Nervous boys

17:41 Johnny ‘unimpressed’ Martin is starting to bitch-face, watch out…

17:52 Oh no.

18:12 Lol @ Lieb, you can see he’s yelling

18:35 Dick looks so BAMF

19:11 Hoob, it’s not a competition!

20:00 Web <3

20:08 Johnny, chill!

20:48 Oh Web. “Jesus Christ, they got me!” Rivalling Buck for being dramatic af, baby

21:24 Aw Dick

21:36 Lieb find some chill for once in your life. Are you upset Web got hurt?

21:42 Do not speak to your father that way!

21:59 You’re in time-out, young man!

22:17 Ross McCall is freaking hot omg. LMAO @ Lieb though, his Dad is not happy and now he’s grounded.

22:30 No, Web, no one believes much of what you say tbh, sweetie. Still <3 you though.

24:01 You can tell it’s Nix by the way he walks and his shoulders <3333

24:16 Nix doesn’t know who that is aw

24:34 Aw Nix trying to be comforting and supportive the way Dick was to him earlier. But his husband is too moody.

25:53 I love that Sink asks it that way, “How would you feel?” Rather than surprise bitch you’re doing it. I mean you don’t say no to that kinda thing but still. Sink = <3 He’s such a babe

26:16 RICH! EVERYONE STOP, NOTHING ELSE WILL EVER MATTER IT’S RICH. I was starting to miss him in case you couldn’t tell. Lol wtf is he doing to Penk’s ear, and why with a spoon??!!

26:26 Aw Dick. He wants to know his sons will be well looked after by their new stepdad.

26:35 ROE <3

26:47 Nix couldn’t stay away long

27:05 NIX! No!

27:14 LMAO bacon sandwich. Loves how Dick gives the report to Nix, not his orderly.

27:26 He missed you obvs

28:13 Moose, you look after his sons!

28:29 Aw Dick can’t let go <3

28:38 Nix’s resigned little sigh and shoulder slump aha

28:54 Bull! Missed you! As identifiable as ever by the cigar… but is now the best time to be smoking it??

29:31 Their code is Leicester Square! So cute!

29:46 Lieb is so eager for blood-shed

30:40 Aw they gave Moose a beret!

30:39 Dick is jealous he doesn’t get a beret! But he’s so happy his sons are safe.

31:17 I always scream.

31:50 Roe <3 “Mo’phine.”

32:11 “You oughtta. You are officers, you are grown-ups! You oughtta know!” ICONIC. My heart. His faaaaace. Shane Taylor <3333

32:19 The bloody handprint omg

32:46 The boss jacket returns <3

33:11 Nix is so proud.

33:41 We missed you Bill <3

33:48 Dad’s a busy man now Bill.

34:25 “I don’t wanna see another piece of paper!” Dick is always such a mood. Never change, Dick <3

34:20 Whatcha doing, Nix? About to propose? God I wish. You know Dick would say yes.

34:35 Don’t interrupt the proposal, Harry!

34:42 Dick and I are just both going to pretend we didn’t hear that, Nix. Canon not accepted.

34:59 Dick would rather be with you tbh

35:30 So they all just sit around in parade dress? Wait is that parade dress? It is, isn’t it? Someone @ me?

35:34 Rude

36:05 Dick. Don’t stare at the child, Dick.

36:52 Dick. Stop. Seriously.

38:05 Can’t tell if that’s cute or weird tbh

38:31 He’s moping cos he misses Nix

39:03 Unf

39:30 Joe/Charlie <3 Missed you

39:38 I don’t know what I love more, Luz being such a troll or Rich. Hang on, what am I saying. Rich.

39:44 RICCCHHHH

39:48 Iconic. ILY Rich

40:00 Easy Mum and Joe/Charlie are so mad lmao. The just wanna watch the movie, shut up kids.

40:17 Dad’s back, Buck, it’s OK now.

40:42 Oh Buck </3

40:57 Joe/Charlie is about to shank you, Luz, stop.

41:02 Iconic.

41:19 Who dis bitch?

41:23 All I see is Rich.

41:34 Rich! Dramatic af

42:02 Oh Buck </3

42:42 Dad’s not happy

43:09 Dad’s. Not. Happy.

43:54 Babe looking cute <3

44:09 Rich <33333333

44:40 Stop hazing the new kid, guys!

45:14 Rich LMAO “We can’t be in Hell, it’s too damn cold!” We <3 you

46:11 Strayer’s a bit useless, let’s be honest

46:31 Babe <3

47:50 LMAO JIMMY FALLON

48:00 Joe/Charlie just wants all the ammo

48:22 RICH

48:38 “We’re paratroopers, lieutenant, we’re supposed to be surrounded.” Dick you are an icon.

49:31 ITS RICH

49:54 Love that, Dick walking in the space between the rows of his men <3

50:19 So ominous 0.o

In conclusion, I love this show.

#band of brothers #liveblog #winnix #ep 5 #hits right in the feels

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spnreactionblogging · 4 years

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DESPAIR

SPOILERS BELOW / tw suicide sort of

ah the title really does sum this up. I am filled with such dread going in. I know cas gets sent to super hell, I know the destiel shippers are declaring it canon (but then, when haven't they), and I've heard from a reliable source that the show officially as of just now is queerbaiting for real by making it vague and easy to ignore it instead of actually confirming anything. plus nobody seems to give a fuck about jack, as usual, and sam didn't get to say goodbye? god how can this get better???? I hope buckleming got to fucking murder castiel! that would really improve this for me!!! the cherry on the shit sundae for real so okay here goes. ugh. I have this angel's envy bourbon at 1PM, oops. I feel like I will need it for this one more than the others I also am ensconced in my castiel trenchcoat + "be super good" shirt, and cas, crowley, and sam the q-pals are joining me. dean is banished to remain in the tote bag they live in. god I want to scream. this fucking synopsis "With the plan in full motion, Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack fight for the good for the common goal." oh the plan to use Jack as a suicide bomb???? great idea. lol I hate this. whose "common good"????????? ah but yes dean runs a dictatorship right. no wonder chuck butts heads with him dean looks so fucking smug in the amazon prime video app, hovering over the episode where cas will die horribly. fuck. there is nothing that can emotionally prepare me for this episode the show is going to end with sam and dean because it started with sam and dean and chuck/the IRL writers are bitter about it I guess??? delete fucking everything god, very fucking cute of dean to be like WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!!! you fucking piece of shit you forcememed this to go as quickly as possible because you want Jack fucking dead, don't pretend you care god. fuck. jack apologizing for dying, to the empty. I hate everything so much ah, so that's why the opening title screen has been that. gross. horrible. a jack singularity is that it? really? jack's dead? just like that. okay. awful. oh he's MAYBE dead. reassuring. I see that briana buckmaster and jim beaver will be joining us my cat is sitting in front of the TV trying to prevent me from watching this, trying to save me from myself oh and felicia day oh this one's written by robert berens, I mostly trust him I think sam should've photocopied the book first oh hey RSJ directed this one I'm glad to have rachel miner back in any capacity that's... alpha/omega on the side there? makes sense I hope it's a fake book god I love sam sitting on the like. what is that, weird equipment panels? more confirmation sam is queer, you heard it here what leverage does dean even think he has cool jack's just getting tortured now "the boy is still useful" at least billie isn't pretending to care about him. oh she left the book thank fuck cas goes to him right away, please hug this child alcohol is not gonna help you guys sleep oh here's dean's half-assed apology. "sorry not sorry that I just couldn't stop, I couldn't help it, I just wanted to get what I wanted, and now that I didn't get what I wanted, sowwy uwu I guess" "you've snapped me out of worse" yeah don't minimize this, sam oh yeah michael exists. I notice dean refers to him as michael and not including adam. way to go I notice that sam does not drink right away "to somehow" those eggs look great "no guns at the table" is a solid rule not only for how miserable that is, but because everything surrounding firearms is a carcinogen and doesn't need to be near food please love yourself charlie please eat good eggs am I supposed to know stevie, was she part of the alternate universe, I still like never watched most of 10-13 oh we're gonna kill MULTIPLE queer characters in this episode, awesome. we gonna kill charlie AGAIN??????? we brought her back just to kill her off, AGAIN? LIKE KEVIN? and bobby I guess?? can I just say how much I hate the concept of a "final boss fight" like why is it always ending in a fight, why is violence always the answer, and why do we feel like one final violent action will solve all the problems huh charlie's shirt looks like a tycho album cover okay so I didn't forget stevie, she was brand new? maybe? I love cas and jack :( feels strange because this all sucks there's no such thing as destiny, jack don't fucking die for sam and dean and 'the world' damn right, cas, he doesn't need "absolution" well that's true for you, cas, you care because he's him. dean just wants to use him cas and jack are good. charlie this was so not your fault. as usual this is the winchesters' fault. tell 'em charlie!!! get 'em!!! you're not sorry, dean. "What now?" is a huge fucking mood, dean oh, greg! our old friend! greg was a real one (but not anymore) yeah eileen's screwed. this includes sam too. and dean i guess. sam is a good person who cares about people despite dean's best efforts to stop him I can't see who he's texting. are cas and jack in the back? poor eileen :( god poor sam having to basically get eileen in front of eyewitnesses who can attest that she disappeared cas and jack are in the backseat yeah I wish he'd tell her she's never gonna reply now yeah she's gone. interesting use of technology that they couldn't've done earlier in the series, to show she was typing but then stopped god that's awful. fuck. "If I let myself go then I'll lose my mind. I can't, right now." that's a huge fucking mood sam let's just postpone all that grief for later. gotta shove it down. huge fucking mood. god I'm so sorry somewhere central... the... bunker? don't split everyone up dean, fuck yes revenge is definitely the answer. killing things is the answer. "not having a choice" is obviously the answer. you fucker we get a sam and dean hug but where's the one for cas. you can like... see it in sam and jack's eyes that they are worried they're never gonna see them again. I'm horrified that cas isn't getting to say goodbye to jack nor sam. I can't handle this. I guess this scene is where they took that last group photo that misha posted back in march? RIP :( oh hey donna jack, that feeling is TheDepression oh gas-n-sip sam's sweet to try to give jack some autonomy here instead of having him just... being shuffled around like baggage. is that eileen's car then this music is intense don't burn the fucking library also wow dean with the reaper blade again is oof. wow. yikes. dean is become death, destroyer of worlds for real. jesus that is fucking horrifying to see. aren't you, dean? aren't you a bringer of death. remember when you hated doing that back in season... 4? 5? later? dean has learned nothing. sam's been trapped in a silo before hasn't he. or that panic room or something. donna is sweet. jack is good. jack deserves better. sam :( donna is very kind I like hearing jody and garth mentioned even if they're not in this episode (?) oh hey charlie sam at least knows how you feel, charlie I like this set god I've missed jim beaver is jack going around with spraypaint? I'm like oh god there's no ventilation. I guess it's a paint bucket but still the fumes are bad. better than being evaporated though I guess big man on campus. RIP stanford sam at least there's a bucket. praeses magna. "president large"? thinking about how it would be impossible to have extras for episodes 19 and 20 I like watching jack paint RIP that plant. apparently he has his powers dean walks around way too comfortably with the reaper scythe. oh but the plan has changed. did billie leave that book and nobody read it?????? dean you don't have friends, bud. yeah how did you tink you would even stand a chance, dean. this is the worst plan ever I'm so tired of seeing cas get tortured. I don't want to see billie get hurt either. is "billie" actually the empty or something "Has virtutes conliga. Eas integra. Eas firma. Nos omnes serva." = "These virtues bind. Those infected. These are strong. We keep them all." idk google translate, I feel like that may not be "infected" but more like integrity I like the effects they did on the wardings there yeah pretty much you can't stop god oh I'm real sad about that couple who vanished together :( bye charlie bye bobby. :( bye donna??? oh that like gold paint gossamer looking shit going on with billie's arm is cool god I'm glad billie smacked him in the face, dean deserves it. I just rewound it to see dean get clocked again, it's so worth it so they went back to the bunker... for what? billie can just go there. sam and jack are gonna have such a rough fucking day. all those double cheeseburgers are back for revenge on dean billie's right actually. dean always thinks the rules don't apply to him because he thinks he should be making the rules. castiel should be with jack, not with dean. fuck. can't cas still heal people the scythe on the wall is a good visual. I really like lisa berry, she does an amazing job is this the same room with the ma'lak box always happy to bleed for the winchesters. christ. fuck. even with dean's pocketknife. cas I'm so sorry. sweetheart you don't deserve this. 7B? so Jack was trapped in 5B, this is a different room but probably the same actual setpiece just rearranged do you just... have to wait her out yeah yeah dean you suck. correct, you never should've left sam and jack. wow I feel zero sympathy for dean at all. you do it to yourselllllf you do, that's what really hurts. oh baby don't summon the empty please :( I'm so glad to know that cas never told them about how he saved jack, it's none of their business yeah it would be with jack, cas. you should be with him man this is shitty. this is like a bad fanfic for real. wow these shots are like, when it cuts between them it's so obvious these were not the same camera lmao fuck. how many takes was this god i hate dean. he has not done this for love. dean is a spiteful person. "you're the most caring man on earth" literally kill me. I want to die. jesus fuck. i want to be dead this is awful this sucks this actually really hurts. this sucks so much. dean you squandered this angel's life. now jack has no father. i hate you dean winchester. i hate you. you don't deserve cas loving you jack knows, jack can feel it. I hate hate hate hate hate hate that jack is left alone with the winchesters. i hate this. jesus fuck i hate this so much i hate this jack sweetheart I'm so sorry dean you fucking ass please pick up the fucking phone. please answer sam. i hate you god dean i hate you fuck dean you are the worst. fuck my life. fuck all this. fuck this show. i'm so angry castiel deserves so much better than this. fuck i'm so mad. why wasn't his moment of happiness knowing that JACK WASN'T GOING TO DIE. i hate this. I'm so upset. fucking shit-ass writing. and it's still not fucking canon you morons at least uh they don't have to have extras for the last two episodes? did they add that footage after? is that what got changed up? everyone's gone huh. god just. dump the show right into the trash. bye. also for fuck's sake nobody gives a fuck about jack like I didn't even know he survived. nobody cares. "sam didn't get to say goodbye" FUCKING JACK DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE fuck this so much. fuck, is dean just chuck's OC? made in his image and furious that his mini-me isn't acting the way he wants? is that why he gets exonerated at every turn? "all the evil shit you did is fine dean you're the MOST LOVING AND THE BESTEST EVER!!!" fuuuuuck

#s15e18

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an-ambivalent · 5 years

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Oath Of Desires: Four

Synopsis: [Yandere! Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung] [Poly AU]

It had only been them three for a long time. Not one person more, not one person less – just Jungkook, Taehyung and [Name].

Jungkook was elated when Taehyung and [Name] told him that they had become a couple. He literally could not have been happier.

They were his favourite couple, and he loved them both…. A little too much.

When there was a hindrance in Taehyung and [Name]’s relationship which caused them to fall apart, Jungkook was distraught. Afterwards, when he realized the depths of his love for his ‘friends,’ Jungkook made an oath of his dark desires – he was going to do whatever it took to get them back together. And this time, he was also going to become part of their relationship.

Warning: As this story contains yandere themes, the characters display behaviors that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fiction. I do not believe any of the mentioned members would display any sort of this behaviour irl.

___________

“It’s only here, my love; where we fight, only for love.”

-Ruftaz Raj

___________

It had been a quite some time since Jungkook found himself to be in circumstances which had genuinely surprised him again. In the comfort that he received from [Name]’s love, and Taehyung’s friendship, he realized he had ended up delving in it too much.

The things that Jungkook saw and perceived, and the feelings he felt were different. Despite the fact that everyone was born in the same world, Jungkook’s perception of reality differed vastly from the actuality of situations that everyone else lived in. In another analogy, imagine an individual who drew a simple circle on a blank piece of paper, and had drawn a vertical line in the middle of the circle to split it into two halves. This circle represented the world. One half of the circle was the actual truth, and the other half conveyed the distorted view that Jungkook had of the world.

Compared to his life prior to meeting [Name] and Taehyung, this new one was much more cheerful and easier to live in – he absolutely loved it. However, he had become so indulged in his new found happiness, that he almost forgot about how anything he loved, always tended to fall apart. Life was his biggest enemy and it always treated his wants like a fleeting dream. The moment he was close to obtaining or achieving what he desired, life would suddenly snatch it away from him.

For Jungkook, life had always been cruel and painful. And once again, like it always did, it was beginning to become hard. But, the worst was not there yet. This was only the start. However, through the pain he had suffered through, and atrocious hardships he had to endure, Jungkook was at a point where he had become crueler and harder than life itself.

At many points, there had been monsters who had abused him. Rightfully so, he had to come to loathe each and everyone of them with his entire being. He had killed mostly everyone who had continued to do him wrong. In doing so, he failed to realize that the very monsters he despised – he was becoming the very mix manifestations of their monstrosities. However, the poised question was that did those monstrosities ever exist in the first place? Or was it something that only Jungkook viewed in his own disfigured world?

One would never know. But, one concrete conclusion was that since this was merely the beginning, and Jungkook was now experienced, he planned to do everything he could in order to avoid the disasters of his past actions. This time, he decided – no. This time, he knew that it was going to be different. This time, he would not lose everything and end up as a victim again. This time, he was going to be the one who was going to choose his victims – anyone who would dare to defy him, and get rid off them permanently.

So far, there was only one person who had come in the way of the happily ever after he was working hard to achieve. That person – no, she was not a person. She was a bewitching bitch who had tricked Taehyung and made him sleep with her countless of times. She was the one who had defiled the purity of Taehyung’s love and loyalty for [Name], and caused him to betray [Name]. She was the reason why his favourite couple were not together anymore.

Jungkook knew Taehyung very well because they were best friends. He knew for certain that Taehyung was not the type of person who would ever hurt the people he loved. He was their guardian, the one who protect them – his people. He would never do something as impure as cheat on his [Name]. It had to be the devil’s work, a devil who would have tricked him into doing such an unfaithful action. [1]

It was not Taehyung’s fault, it could not be. It was her fault, she made him do it.

It had taken Jungkook a decent amount of time to find out who was the culprit that had corrupted Taehyung into cheating on [Name]. In fact, Taehyung had been rather difficult and reluctant in telling Jungkook. He went far as to scream at him, and claim that it was none of his business, and swore at him too when Jungkook was only trying to help him.

However, Jungkook knew better. To him, it was more than obvious that Taehyung was only saying such awful words because he was manipulated into behaving like that. His words had hurt Jungkook, but it was nothing that Jungkook could not have overlooked for the sake of his best friend.

Turned out, Taehyung only needed a little dose of some sleeping pills in order to comply. Once Jungkook had drugged him, Taehyung had easily let Jungkook browse his phone to see who he had cheated on [Name] with. Once he had gathered the intel, everything following after that was easy.

He had sent that girl (who turned out to be rude barista from the cafe they had been at back in chapter two) a text, pretending to be Taehyung, and asking if they could have another night in soon. As Jungkook had predicted, she had replied to him a bit too fast – a clear sign of how desperate and promiscuous she was.

It disgusted him, but he refrained himself from expressing it. He needed to play it cool if he wanted to get his revenge on her.

Their little date had been set for ‘tonight’ in a remote area of the city.

As soon as he saw her, Jungkook had immediately blindfolded her from behind so she would not see him. When she had asked him about this, he had simply shushed her, and led her to where he wanted to.

As much he did not wish to, but he needed to, he ended up sharing a few deep kisses with her in order to keep up his act. He had almost scoffed when she was claiming her excitement for the ‘adventurous’ night they were going to have, and ‘how unexpectedly bold [Taehyung] was being tonight.’

It was going to be an exciting night, yes, but only for Jungkook. For the unnamed and unimportant girl who was only put in the story to drive this part of the narrative, it was going to be a long and agonizing night. And she realized that once she was gagged, completely bounded, and unable to move.

Jungkook took off her blindfold and revealed himself. As he did so, there was a bright and menacing grin on his face, and he held a stun gun and a knife in his hand.

She could not do anything but widen her eyes in fear as she stared at the weapons in Jungkook’s hands. This fear in her eyes was exhilarating and thrilled Jungkook. Instantly, he raised the stun gun over her head.

“You’re going to pay for what you did, you stupid homewrecking whore,” He hissed, before he mercilessly brought it down on her, and began her long torment to death for the night.

[1] the whole devil thing was inspired of Rika from mystic messenger lmao. She said it so much, it just sort stuck and was perfect to bring into this.

#yandere bts #yandere x reader #jungkook x reader #bts poly au #taehyung x reader #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #yandere kpop #x reader #bts x reader #yandere bts x reader #yandere bangtan #oath of desires #chapter four #vkook x reader #taekook x reader #ambivalent writes

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chibipika · 5 years

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Chapter 36 Retrospective

“The Lugia Chapter” is a chapter that’s been in LC almost since the beginning. In the original, it was because Lugia had appeared to Jade several times throughout the course of the story, and it was her destiny to catch it or whatever. Then sometime in 2003, I changed all the Legendary captures into humans being chosen by them instead. Again, still destiny, and also Lugia was an entirely different character back then. I might post that version someday, just know that it looks nothing at all like the current version.

Then, somehow, in 2006, I came up with Jade and Lugia’s current dynamic, with their first meeting resulting in capture/torture, and Lugia’s personality becoming sharp-tongued and irritable. I’m not really sure how I came up with it—it seems to have sprung fully formed from the aether. It might have been because that was around the time I was trying to think of ways to deconstruct the usual Chosen One tropes, (as the chapter itself bears a lot of hallmarks of that.) I’m not sure if I wrote the Lugia chapter before or after I wrote the attack on Viridian in that version of the fic. If it was after, that would technically make this the 2007 version of the Lugia chapter? Well, either way, the ideas came together in 2006. That would make this part of Revision 9.

This version is strikingly similar to the final version that was eventually rewritten for NaNo 2015, (and published in 2019). The writing is primitive, and several plot elements are outdated, but the general feel of it is spot-on, and a lot of dialogue actually made it into the final version.

[Oh yeah, should go without saying, but SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 36.]

<I’m afraid you’re not going down to the stadium,> a voice within my mind said.

I stopped suddenly upon hearing those words, wondering if I had just imagined them. Searching for the source, I turned to see a small, pale rose feline hovering in the middle of my room, her long tail swirling around in the air.

“Mew,” I gasped, both surprised and relieved. “What are you doing here? And what did you mean by that?”

<You’re not going down to the stadium,> she repeated solemnly. <At least, not right now...>

A shiver ran down my spine when I heard her say that. She kept staring downward, refusing to look me in the eye. What was going on?

“Mew...?” I said cautiously, feeling both puzzled and apprehensive.

Finally the cat-like creature lifted her head and gazed long and hard at me with her large, bright sapphire eyes. She looked concerned, with a shadow of guilt mixed into her expression.

“What is it, is there something going on with the Legendaries? Why’d you come to me and not Ajia?” I asked, my heart beating faster from growing anxiety. Why was she acting like this?

<Your test...> Mew spoke so faintly that I could barely make it out.

“My...test...?” I uttered blankly.

Since this chapter was sort of written out of thin air, without any of the preceding chapters leading up to it, the intro to this scene is, as expected, pretty random and abrupt. I was fully expecting to change all of this once I had a better idea of the lead-up events. Note is that Jade is still at Indigo, and the Moltres attack hasn’t happened yet.

<The time has come,> she concluded, raising a paw and glowing with a blue aura. Suddenly, my entire body was enveloped within the same color of light.

“Mew!” I exclaimed as I was lifted off the floor psychically. A flash of light suddenly filled the room, blocking out my vision, and before I could say anything, she was gone.

“MEW!!!” I shouted, but it was too late. The glow vanished and I fell to the floor.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I had fallen not onto the carpeted floor of my room, but onto a hard rock surface. At first I couldn’t see anything, but that was only because there wasn’t much to see. It looked like I was inside a cave of some sort, enclosed on all sides by jagged rock walls and partially filled with water on one end. I rubbed my arms as my senses returned and I felt how incredibly cold it was in the chamber.

“Mew teleported me…” I whispered to myself. “…but where to?” I stood to my feet and glanced around, seeing no possible exit. The cavern was dimly lit, but the light didn’t seem to be coming from any visible source. It occurred to me that the water probably flowed in here from the outside, but I had no idea how deep it went, and I didn’t have any Pokémon that could swim long distances.

“I’m trapped,” I muttered in disbelief. “She’s trapped me here alone with no way out...”

And then a voice resounded in reply, <I wouldn’t say that you’re alone.>

It felt as though my entire body went numb, but not from the cold. The voice was telepathic, but I could easily tell that it most definitely was not from Mew. It was chillingly bitter, with a domineering edge to it that stuck within my head. It was the voice that haunted all my nightmares since that day—one that I had hoped to never hear again.

In the darkest corner of the cave, two eyes, radiating blue, peered out of the shadows with an icy stare that seemed to bore right through me. The glow slightly illuminated the creature’s face, revealing a sleek avian head with a mouth curled into a smirk.

<Welcome, human. Are you ready to face the consequences of that day so long ago? >

Man, though, despite being written in 2006/07 this is pretty-spot on. I can see why I didn’t change much.

My breathing was shallow and my heart was pounding. I couldn’t move; it was like I was frozen on the spot, barely even able to think.

Lugia called me here to kill me.

There was no other explanation. But why now? Why after so long? This couldn’t be happening, there was no way.

I clenched my fists, swallowing hard. It was just like last time. This wasn’t like the Rocket conflicts, with a struggle for survival. There was nothing I could do; I might as well have already been dead. But…Mew…why…?

Man, you can just tell I was having so much fun dunking on Chosen One clichés. Summoned by a Legendary? Grand, awe-inspiring, and important? Nope! Friggin’ terrifying!

Lugia raised an eyebrow. <No response? You’re quite pitiful, always letting fear control you.>

I bristled. Had to do something, anything. I clutched at a Poké Ball and held it up, my arm shaking. I’d battle. Yeah, that was it. I’d battle, and I’d win, and then we’d find some way out. Any way out. We had to. I was only vaguely aware of how unrealistic that plan was, but still threw the ball forward, releasing Chibi in a flash of black.

I glared at the Legendary. Chibi turned toward me with a stunned and disbelieving expression.

“*Jade, what’s going on? Where the hell are we, and,”—he glanced at Lugia—“why is…don’t tell me you’re…*”

“It doesn’t matter, just use Thunderbolt, hurry!” My voice felt dry and hollow.

“*What?*” he asked, clearly confused. All of the old Rocket situations had gotten him used to having to react immediately, even when released in odd situations, but this was too much.

“I said, use Thunderbolt,” I demanded.

He gave me an incredulous glare. “*No. Tell—me—what—is—going—on.*”

Lugia smirked tauntingly. <Even the half-legend won’t obey you. Is he tired of keeping you alive?>

Chibi whirled around to face her, strings of lightning leaping off his fur involuntarily. Some of his electricity hit Lugia, who recoiled slightly, eyes narrowed. <Oh…touchy, are we?>

The scene breaks here, as I couldn’t really figure out where I was going with the whole Chibi bit, so I just skipped to writing the next part. I do like the idea of Jade instinctively going for a battle (which is why I kept it for the final one), but actually sitting down to write the battle always bored me to tears (a pretty sure sign that it needed to be cut).

“Well, what is it?” I demanded brashly, angered at how she was toying with me. “You had Mew call me down here in order to get revenge, right? Are you gonna taunt me some more or just kill me outright since it didn’t work last time?”

For a while, she gave no sign that she had heard me, and I kept waiting for her to say something and break the unnerving silence that filled the chamber.

<Are you under the impression,> Lugia began slowly and menacingly, <that I tried and yet failed to kill you on that day?>

You’ll notice that Lugia is female in this version. All the Legendaries had genders. It wasn’t until 2015 that I finally made them properly genderless. At the time, I was sure I was never going to get used to it, and I accidentally used the wrong pronouns constantly. But now? It’s finally the other way around. Going back and seeing female pronouns for Lugia is like, “wat, ew, stop.” Then again, that’s kinda how these things go irl, isn’t it?

But yes, please don’t let this impact your view of Lugia now, as Revision 12 Lugia is quite thoroughly “wtf is a gender.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, as she had sounded almost offended by my words. Had Ajia been right? Had Lugia really spared me?

“I…I didn’t think—” I started.

“I know that!” I exclaimed, frustrated at how she flaunted that fact. It was like talking to someone who had a knife to your throat. “And after today, what does it matter?!” I was trembling despite trying to seem unmoved by my complete lack of control over the situation.

With a very reserved tone of voice, the dragon-bird replied, <If you must know, I had Mew call you here today because I wished to speak with you in private.>

I relaxed slightly upon hearing that, but still had to wonder why Mew had looked so regretful about sending me here.

<Still, I can’t help but notice...you speak of that day as though it would have been my fault. As if to make me feel guilty for the situation. Do you see what I did as unjustified?>

Unjustified? Had I deserved it? My immediate thought

Another bit where I got stuck, went “uhhh, I don’t know where this is going,” and then skipped ahead to the next part.

“What events?” I asked.

The dragon-bird raised an eyebrow, as though surprised at my ignorance. <I was told you had read the words inscribed upon the shrine of Midnight Island. Or did they slip your mind?>

“What, you mean that thing with the Legendaries allying themselves with eight humans? What’s that got to do with this?”

Oh right, there were eight chosen before Revision 12. I actually made this mistake a couple times in the current Serebii thread until I finally got used to the idea that there were only seven.

With eyes slightly narrowed, Lugia replied, <Ignorance, human. You don’t realize the magnitude of what will happen in mere months. This is beyond prophecies now…we have seen it with our eyes, the actions of the so-called Team Rocket. Their strides toward power have paved the way for things to come. Even now, it is apparent… The eight would cause themselves to be linked with the legends by connecting themselves with those fulfilling them. And so at the same time, linked with each other.>

I really, really loved making Lugia say “ignorance, human” in the 2007 version. Although it is important to note that modern day Lugia still doesn’t ever refer to Jade by name. This is intentional.

It took me several seconds to understand what she was implying. Team Rocket’s Legendary captures were fulfilling the legends…which meant that none of the eight Chosen were predestined. It had seemed like that from the way Ajia described how she had become Mew’s Chosen, but I always figured that the legends had to involve some complex destiny.

But why was she telling me this?

Unless…

I stared long and hard at her, unwilling to believe it…it couldn’t be possible. It couldn’t be…

“So…so you’re saying…” I swallowed hard and continued, “that…I’m Chosen? Even after what I did?”

<Perhaps more so because of what you did, and other things among that. You have connected yourself with the Legendaries as few others of that rebellion have,> the dragon-bird answered.

I really like this bit, which is why it made it into the rewrite almost unscathed. I love that the big chosen reveal is treated as something horrifying and terrible rather than “aww yeah, I was ~Chosen by a Legendary.~”

“Because of it? Why in the…how—” I struggled, overwhelmed at the significance of what I had just been told.

Lugia closed her eyes in frustration and said, <Let me explain this as simply as I can. I understand that you have read the Midnight Island legend.>

“Yeah, and the Dark Crystal legend,” I added.

She paused slightly when I said that, but then overlooked it. <Then you know that the Midnight legend tells of the Eight Guardians and the Crystal legend is just that—about the trio of crystals. You are an interloper. You have no inherent significance in the legends whatsoever, yet your interference in the matters concerning the balance of power between human and Legendary as well as the fact that you know about the legends has forced you to become a part of them. Fate is nothing; action is everything. The Eight Guardians of the Order of Legends are obligated to seek out those interlopers deemed to have the strongest connection to the legends and the conflict at hand.

I can’t believe the “Fate is nothing; action is everything” dates back to this. What started out as just a fun way to dunk on Chosen One clichés turned into one of the core themes of the entire fic.

I didn’t have to be told who that was referring to.

oh no spoilers (…not really, pretty much everyone has guessed that’s what he’s going for.)

<No one truly knows what the new age shall bring, or how this conflict shall be resolved. One thing is for certain—once the alliance has served its purpose, it shall be as though it never was, and the turmoil of the Revolution and the legacy of the Crystals shall reign supreme,> Lugia concluded solemnly.

“Wait, wait…you’re saying this alliance doesn’t even matter that much?” I asked incredulously. “All it’ll do is just bide time in this stupid Team Rocket conflict until the real trouble begins?”

I should point out here that while this is still true, it has not come up in the current version. (Notice that Lugia didn’t mention the Orb or any the writings around it at all in the current version.)

“Do you Legendaries, like, spend all your time memorizing the legends and then interpreting them?” I asked, my tone slightly annoyed and slightly sarcastic.

I really loved this quip of Jade’s back when I wrote it. :V

Lugia was unimpressed with my insolent remark, and I could tell immediately that I had crossed the line. <Let me tell you something, human. The words of your little half-legend were not what swayed my decision that day. Grabbed my attention, yes, but you are alive right now because you fit this role. It is an honor. Were it not for our constant ‘interpretation’ of the legends…> here she paused, unsure of how to continue. Finally she sighed and glanced down. I thought I’d never see a Legendary show any sign of weakness, at least not before a human.

Wait, what? At first, I couldn’t figure out what she meant, but then I realized it. Neither side could survive without the other. Then a rather stupid grin crossed my face as I said, “You Legendaries need help? From humans?”

This line too. :P

It really was quite obvious that they did, seeing as many more of them would have been captured were it not for The Rebellion—yet another fact that made Stalker’s plans rather paradoxical. Lugia scowled, more insulted by the way I had said it than by the fact that it was true. I let the moment of immaturity drop and said, “Look, I’m honored, I really am, but…”—I sighed—“I told myself that I wouldn’t have anything more to do with Team Rocket. I’m not even on the Resistance…why not choose someone who is?”

Lugia didn’t answer, but rather shifted her wings and gazed at me peculiarly. I continued, “I’m tired of risking both my life and the lives of my friends.”

<Either way, you do realize of course that you’re connected to the Team Rocket matter whether you like it or not. This is simply to determine whether you shall be a part of the deeper legendary matter at hand,> Lugia explained simply.

I really didn’t want to reply, seeing as the whole point of my training for the past year had been as a sort of escape from the Rocket mess…while the members of the Resistance continued to keep the team in check. I leaned against the rough cave wall and stared downward, unsure of what to do.

I really was sure that the Resistance was out and about doing important things, despite having no idea how. The decision to have the Resistance be disbanded in the current version was a pretty spur-of-the-moment one fueled by the realization that I really just didn’t know what I was doing with them. The fic’s a lot better off for it.

I glanced over my shoulder and looked the seabird in the eye for quite a while, reflecting upon everything she had told me. I felt as though pure guilt would end up winning me over—guilt that I was hiding from a struggle over the control of the planet, one that many of my friends had an active role in. The last thought to occur to me, however, was what had gone through my mind that day when I had used the Master Ball cannon on Lugia: the bizarre fascination with Legendaries combined with the urge to wield that incredible power.

This is such a weird sentiment. It really doesn’t fit Jade’s current characterization at all.

Yeah, that was it…

“I’ll do it,” I said slowly after quite a while, my voice shaking.

Lugia nodded slowly with an odd relief in her eyes, looking genuinely glad that I had agreed. She motioned to me to step forward, and I did. Outstretching a wing, the avian dragon touched a feather to my palm and closed her eyes in concentration. An aura began to glow around her wing, slowly brightening and focusing itself around my hand.

Suddenly, a sharp jolt of pain shot through my arm. I recoiled back and gripped my wrist, not expecting that. I could see that my hand was still glowing, however, and slowly, the light formed into a symbol—an outline of Lugia’s head surrounded by rolling waves. I stared at the inscription, transfixed with awe.

I always was unsatisfied with how understated this was. This was supposed to be a major turning point for the fic, and it was over in two sentences with a tiny jolt of pain. NaNo 2015 was when I got the idea to expand this to be the culmination of all the pain and trauma that Jade has endured so far.

<You are marked,> Lugia said. <With you bearing my seal, the two of us, Legend and human, are linked. With this privilege comes much responsibility. You will find that we can communicate now, regardless of distance. Likewise, if you are in grave danger, you may summon me to aid you, if and only if you have done everything in your power to ensure that doing so will not expose us. But you must never call me somewhere simply for the sake of it…the consequences of such will be severe,> she added, narrowing her eyes.

I’m not sure why that last bit was necessary. I would think that if you’re trusting a human enough to be your partner, it would go without saying that they’re not going to summon you for a random battle or whatever.

Notice I said “summon.” In old LC canon, the chosen were able to summon their patrons to their side. This is outdated. While Mew can teleport to Ajia’s side, even if it’s somewhere she hasn’t been previously, that’s just because she could already teleport anyway.

I winced slightly, remembering the Psychic attack that I had endured before. Still, I nodded understandingly just as I had for her other rules.

<Most importantly of all, however…you cannot tell anyone about this. The Order’s rules are yours to follow as well. Do not betray the pact,> Lugia reinforced threateningly.

Unable to come up with any other manner of response, I nodded again. But then something occurred to me and I suddenly asked, “What about Ajia? Can I tell her?”

Lugia paused long and hard, as though unsure of what to say. After contemplating her answer, she finally replied, <I…suppose… The Chosen are supposed to remain a secret, even from the others, until the time is right, but…as you already know she is Chosen, it couldn’t hurt…>

This is silly. Why should the chosen be a secret from each other. Aren’t they supposed to help each other? And what does “the time is right” even mean.

I brightened up slightly upon hearing that—at least I wouldn’t have to keep it all to myself. “So then the fact that I knew about her and Mew had to have played a part in why you picked me, right?”

Lugia glanced away slightly, as though she had been hoping I wouldn’t say that. <Yes, yes it did… When Mew told me that you not only knew her Chosen, but also knew everything about the legends concerning them, I knew that there was no going back.>

“No…going back?” I echoed. “Why?”

She didn’t make eye contact and simply said, <Anyone with that much knowledge would be a threat. You would either have to join us of your own will, or die. If you had decided against becoming Chosen, I would have had to kill you.>

I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. But finally I knew why Mew had looked so worried when she had sent me here. She couldn’t say anything about it without my decision becoming forced.

Another detail that is surprisingly on point with the current version. The chosen pact requiring hard consent, where any guilting or pressuring would render that consent void, was pretty important, even back then.

Lugia nodded, knowing what I was thinking. <Mew was afraid that you would decline, given your past refusal to further involve yourself in the Team Rocket conflict.> She then turned toward the ceiling and let out a high-pitched cry in Pokéspeech. “*Mew! It is finished!*”

I knew that the Legendary communication had a very long range, and sure enough, there was an immediate flash of light as Mew teleported into the cavern. The cat-like Pokémon glanced around frantically, her eyes falling on me.

<She has agreed?> Mew questioned, looking both surprised and relieved.

<The pact is complete...she is marked with my seal,> Lugia answered with a reserved tone. But then the slightest trace of a grin crossed her face—similar to Mewtwo’s in that it looked forced, and yet oddly fitting just the same.

Mew let out a great sigh of relief. <I honestly wasn’t sure if sending you here would be condemning you to death, but…we really had no choice.>

That didn’t really make me feel better about the whole situation, but as the danger had passed, I didn’t care. I only nodded understandingly. She was right…I hadn’t wanted to agree, but hadn’t known that my life rested on that decision, so it was still of my own will.

All because of that capture… What had I gotten myself into?

Mew motioned to me and said, <I’ll take you back to your room now.>

“Oh, right…thanks…” I said, walking over. I took one last glance around the cavern before asking Lugia, “Where is this, anyway?”

<Underneath the Whirl Islands in Johto,> Lugia replied. <I suppose it could be considered my home.>

Mew raised a paw and the two of us glowed blue. The last thing I saw was everything dissolving, and then a bright flash of light. Suddenly, we were back in the stadium hotel room. The catlike Legendary nodded to me and then disappeared once more.

Aaaand, that’s it! The chapter went on a bit after that, but it gets into stuff that’ll come up in Chapter 37, so I’ll cut it here.

#LC #writing #pokemon fanfiction

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