#workposting

[mosswg]

i just got back from work and our automatic cheese grater broke so i got paid $15 an hour to grate cheese by hand today

#196 #workposting #rule

[grgie]

i fear i have girlbossed too close to the sun (gotten a full time job)

#helena talks to the void #fym i only get 2 days off from this shit #fym i have no free time anymore #workposting

[slutforwings]

younger colleague made chicken alfredo pasta last night and said it was the worst thing ever. 'way too much cheese' so i asked him if he found like an Extremely American recipe or something and he went 'ah no i asked the snapchat AI for the recipe'

💀

#told him 'okay lesson one. dont ever fucking do that again' #workposting

[lemonadeandlanguages]

I was asked to provide a fun fact about myself for some activity we're doing at work tomorrow and boy oh boy I hope my colleagues like hearing about vintage children's books from the 1900s

#i am gonna be so annoying about this #i took a pic of my collection and its actually bigger than i thought it would be?? #it looks kinda cool ngl :D #lnl #workposting

[demoness-one]

everyone required to appreciate the rainbow gradient of wires i did down the side of the Big Bitch

#workposting #electricianposting #these stupid Mcmansions all have stupid fuckoff huge panels in them #I think it was 42 circuits in this one

[dorothygale]

here's a helpful diagram about my WFH experience

#blabs #marty #libby #workposting #50

[my-peanus-horts]

Day 1 of….

Reporting live from the robotics competition!!🎙️

The FIRST robotics crowd gets more queer each year. they remain equally autistic (based).

Key Notes:

Undercut still thriving (unexpected??)

Mullets everywhere (queers only)

Pride flags everywhere🏳️‍🌈

BO remains an issue (young autistic crowd, i forgive them)

More women!!!!🧍‍♀️

The sport of collecting as many buttons as you can from each team has exploded in popularity. As an og button collector, I approve.

STRONG transmasc presence.🧍‍♂️Based… but literally where are the transgirls??😭 they’re straight up gone….

One team put out period product buckets in EVERY bathroom. This is epic (their actions have warmed my heart deeply)

#comparing and contrasting how the robotics scene’s changed since 2018 #FIRST robotics #robotics #robotics competition #txt #workposting

[kellterntempest]

God. my boss is so fucking hot I'm so mad 😡

#half joking.... but why does the universe do this 2 me again #personal #workposting #universe. a man who looks and talks just like. young donald sutherland and you expect me to feel normal universe please. and hes funny.damit

[whumpster-fire]

25 Exciting Phrases to Spice Up Your Next Business e-Mail

1: "Dear Motherfucker,"

2: "To whom it may concern, as well as the entire company directory who I am cc'ing because none of you care about my time so I don't care about yours,"

3: If you'd like to know why I am sending this e-mail, please consider reading it for fucking once."

4: "If I do not see conclusive evidence of your head being out of your ass in the next 3-5 business days, I will remove it from your shoulders."

5: "Please attach a current headshot and resume: the latter so I can laugh at your alleged qualifications, the former so I can print it out and put it on a dartboard as advised by HR's Anger Management Seminar"

6: "Due to the considerable destructive forces at my command,"

7: "Cc'ing The Pope on this one to keep him in the loop since the magnitude of this clusterfuck is nothing short of Biblical,"

8: "This is the fourth e-mail I have sent asking you to do your goddamn job. The fifth will be attached to a brick hurled through your office window. You do not want to know what the sixth will be, so get your shit together ASAP please."

9: "Please keep in mind that refraining from inappropriate use of the Reply All button is the only thing separating us from descending into complete Lord Of the Flies anarchy."

10: "All, please review the selection of Dilbert cartoons attached below and reflect on how they might be relevant to the current situation and your role in it."

11: "The Carpool Committee has unanimously voted to play exclusively Alvin And the Chipmunks songs in any vehicle you are a passenger in for a month the next time you schedule a mandatory meeting before 8 AM."

12: "The potted Ficus tree by the 4th Floor break room will be taking the lead on this project from this point on since it is more qualified than any of you."

13: "I didn't think I needed to inform everyone that 'accidentally' stapling your balls to get out of Company Spirit Meetings early is against company policy. However,"

14: "Due to recent events, any personal office supplies brought from home, e.g. paperweights, must now be checked with a Geiger counter."

15: "Please be advised that if you reply with a question that indicates you have not read and understood the list of action items below in its entirety, I will kick you in the teeth so hard you will chew with your appendix in the future."

16: "We regret to announce that Sean is now an outlaw and no longer protected by our Workplace Violence Policy. This decision was not made lightly, but the current situation re: the break room microwaves has forced our hand. Cc'ing Sean to keep him in the loop."

17: "Please keep in mind that you are neither the most profitable nor the most important of our clients, and your disproportionate share of billable hours is due primarily to your whininess, entitled attitude, and inability to give a straight answer."

18: "If you feel the need to contact me outside my scheduled hours, please write your issue on a piece of letter sized paper, then roll it up, seal it inside a glass bottle, and cast it into the ocean. This will get a faster response than emailing, calling, or texting me at 1 in the fucking morning."

19: "Team, As a result of employees being bombarded with hundreds of e-mails after inadvertently hitting reply all, we are now instituting the following change to our e-mail communication policy: to help prevent duplicate corrections, when admonishing a coworker who you feel has used Reply All inappropriately, please make sure to use Reply All as well so the other recipients can see that the responsible party has already been notified of their mistake."

20: "Cc'ing you on every e-mail about this issue due to your record of not giving a shit about a problem unless your time is being wasted."

21: "Please do not disturb the protective circle of salt around the 2nd fridge from the left in the break room, and do not under any circumstances open it without appropriate PPE and an escort from an old priest and a young priest."

22: "After consulting with Legal and HR, we have determined that the ficus tree by the 4th floor break room dispersing pollen into the office environment does not constitute a violation of our sexual harassment policy. Also, please be advised that the ficus tree is female and is not the source of your pollen allergies. No disciplinary action will be taken against it. However, your repeated complaints targeted at the ficus tree based on its status as a plant may constitute a hostile work environment. Please meet with HR ASAP to discuss this further."

23: "Team, Placing an 'Elf On the Shelf' in any location on company premises or within your home office where it may be able to see, overhear, or access proprietary information will result in disciplinary action up to and including termination of employment. Company proprietary data may not be divulged to any unauthorized third parties, and that includes Santa Claus."

24: "Cc'ing Santa Claus to keep him in the loop on this one."

25: "Sincerely, The Only Guy Who Does His Goddamn Job Around Here."

#shitpost #workposting #emails #another day at the office #business e-mail etiquette #comical threats of violence #pettiness #surreal humor

[buggyfangs]

what if biped ikfa was pear shape

#mars text post #workposting

[grgie]

just LOVE when someone outside the company emails you like "please reply asap!!!!!" so you do and immediately get an out of office automatic reply. how tf were you emailing me from beyond the grave with all that urgency only to not even be at your desk??? how????

#helena talks to the void #workposting

[slutforwings]

i still think about one of the most baffling things a coworker said to me which was, after i said i bought some more books on holiday, she politely went 'oh. that's. nice? im sorry, you know i dont get your whole... reading... thing'

what do you MEAN by that

#she said it as if she has never ever read a book for fun and cant imagine it being fun in any way #she quit the conversation immediately after n i was left standing there like. ?????? #workposting

[cyberpunkcatgirl]

When I said I wanted to be a service animal I didn't mean food service 😔

#uhm. arf #workposting

[demoness-one]

Rich fuckers always have the best lighting in their bathrooms. and the worst respiratory hazards in their attics

#my face #some of it lol #workposting #electricianposting

[saintcheryl]

my job is so fucking stupid “yeah idk if im working tomorrow yet, the guy with a funny name who lives in the empty spare room behind the lobby will ask me in the morning” that should be made up but it isn’t

#workposting

[dorothygale]

pls manifest me hearing back from one of my potential jobs today thank u 🕯️

#blabs #workposting