#woodie knows this he is about to do something funny i know it (offer walter wood to eat) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

grimelords · 7 years

Photo

Hello I forgot to post my July playlist when July ended so here it is now! It turns out it’s incredible easy to write 1500 words when you’re writing about songs you love so sorry about that. Four hours of top quality bops that range from russian choral music to classic !!!, please enjoy.

Signs Of Life - Arcade Fire: Everyone hated the new album but in my opinion it's not only not bad, but Signs Of Life is one of their best songs yet. Also the video is incredibly good. The Man - The Killers: The Killers are back and they're making good songs again! This song sounds like the bicep emoji! Hung From The Moon - Earth: Accidentally listened to this album a lot in July and kicked off a drone thing that has lasted through august. Elevation - Television: Everyone always talks about the guitars in Television but nobody ever talks about how good the rhythm of the chorus in this song is. Taman Shud - The Drones: Good song to yell along to and the only song I know that uses the word 'inchoate' Mountain Of Air - Ellen Arkbro: I really can't recommend this album enough if you like the sound of having a dream made of brass. South Point - Grizzly Bear: Grizzly Bear are a prog band. Apache (Jump On It) - The Sugarhill Gang: Not only groovy, but racist too. There's a good part where he explains that maize is just corn. What’s A Girl To Do? - Bat For Lashes This is a good song and a great music video Glass - Bat For Lashes: Bat For Lashes does better worldbuilding in this song than most novels. Offering - Cults: I may be the only person in the world who is absolutely gagging for a new Cults album but thank god they're back. Return Of The Mack - Mark Morrison: THE song about being back on your bullshit. Baller Of The Year - ESG: If you play this in your car it automatically starts ghetto swerving AND you start crying. You Know I Wantcha! - Devin The Dude: Incredibly gross song about being very horny by yourself in a strip club for you to listen to. Crawling After You - Bass Drum Of Death: After all this time, this song may be the only thing I love about GTAV. Bad Liar - Selena Gomez Maybe the only Selena Gomez song I've ever heard and it's so SO good. Seven Eight Nine (Part 2) - Kenny Wheeler: I developed a bad habit of listening to ABC Jazz when I couldn't sleep but thankfully I found some real gems doing it. Fine Di Cobb - Originale - Stelvio Cipriani: Yet another fantastic find from spotify's Best Of Eurocrime playlist. A Fifth Of Beethoven - Walter Murphy: It is so funny that Beethoven wrote one of the biggest disco hits of all time. Between this and Wendy Carlos' Switched On Bach there's a very funny history of classical music causing a big stir. The Lighthouse - Amon Tobin: It's crazy that Amon Tobin's best album was the soundtrack to Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory but he really elevated video game music as a whole with this one. If The Brakeman Turns My Way - Bright Eyes: The concept of an opium den with a periscope is very nice to think about. Hold Music - Architecture In Helsinki: Places Like This is an all time classic that nobody respects because people think Heart It Races is a novelty song instead of a masterpiece. I Found A New Chapeau - Jo Jones: "The world's greatest jazz drummer Jo Jones!" goes absolutely off for nine minutes against an organ that sounds like farts. It's Real - Real Estate: [beckons you closer and whispers] it's real real estate Obvs - Jamie xx: In Colour was truly the album of the year cause baby it is simply breathtaking start to finish! Blue Train Lines (feat. King Krule) - Mount Kimbie: I hope King Krule joins Mount Kimbie as a full member because they have such a good thing going. This song took a while to grow on me but now I really cannot wait for their new album. The video for this one is also extremely good even though it required me to read an artist's statement from the directors and a whole wiki article to understand it. Six Days Remix - DJ Shadow: Last month I attended a 17 hour Fast And Furious marathon that has permanently affected my brain chemistry (which I've been meaning to write a long post about) and at the end I was certain of only one thing: the Six Days Remix was the best thing about Tokyo Drift by a country mile and it's easily a top 5 DJ shadow song. Nandi - Jlin: I can't say enough good stuff about this album and this song is an absolute standout. 3 Freaks - DJ Shadow: Everyone's always saying 'oh it was such a mistake for DJ Shadow to abandon his sound after making two critically acclaimed albums pushing sample based music in a new direction and make a hyphy album that everyone hated' but consider this: Turf Talk And Keak Da Sneak Fight For Peace - Frank Klepacki: I developed a brain parasite this month that forced me to become completely obsessed with the 15 year old RTS game Command And Conquer Generals, and then I found out that the soundtrack was on spotify. Sultans Of Swing - Dire Straits: Everyone's always talking about Mark Knopfler being good at guitar or whatever but for my money the drummer is the real mvp of this song, and the part where he just goes ham for like half a bar at about 4:20 really cracks me up. Strangest Thing - The War On Drugs: Literally every song The War On Drugs have released from their upcoming album so far I have absolutely loved and I cannot wait to hear the whole thing. Kyanite - Jlin: Jlin baby!! This is like traditional music from an alien civilisation or something, it's incredible. Sophisticated Lady - Art Tatum: Speaking of music from another planet I firmly belived Art Tatum was touched on the brain by God. Romance Without Finance - Tiny Grimes: Please enjoy this 70 year old song about not dating broke girls, the backing vocals really make me laugh. All Is Written - Matana Roberts: Matana Roberts is a very specific feeling but if you're in the mood for confrontational experimental jazz please get into this whole album. Start with Coin Coin Chapter One if you want the full experience. Time For Us - Nicolas Jaar: I love when Nicolas Jaar does funny voice. In the world I dream of this song is a dancefloor classic. Blanket Me - Hundred Waters: I love Hundred Waters and this song make me so emotional to the point where i'm almost afraid to hear their new album. When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing - Lana Del Rey: Lust For Life is incredible and hearing Lana sing 's it the end of an era? is it the end of America?' is like.. directly targeting my brain stem. I cannot describe how much I instantly fell in love with this song when I first heard it. Jane - Jefferson Starship: The new season of Wet Hot American Summer reminded me how good this song is. I spent like half an hour reading the wiki article about Jefferson Airplain, Jefferson Starship and Starship and how they came to be to my girlfriend this month and let me tell you: she hated it. Take You On A Cruise - Interpol: The instrumentation in this song sounds so much like the xx's first album it is insane. Vegas - Polica: I feel like I have a new favourite Polica song every week they are honestly the best band in the world. Woody's Roundup - Riders In The Sky: Hello, I woke up with the Woody's Roundup theme song from Toy Story 2 in my head one day this month and so I put it on my playlist. It's a good song, highly recommended thanks. All Night Vigil, Op. 37: No. 3, Blessed Is The Man "Beatitude" - Sergei Rachmaninoff: Accidentally got very heavily into this russian orthodox christian choral music this month. Magic Arrow - Timber Timbre: My friend texted me out of the blue saying how good this song is and he's absolutely right. Timber Timbre's self titled is an album i've continually returned to for years now, it's truly something special. Don't Say I Know - Tera Melos: Tera Melos are finally, finally back! And they're making incredible impossible music that's catchy as hell again! Keep The Car Running - Arcade Fire: Had a very intense moment with this song this month, listening to it on repeat and convincing myself that it was coming for me too. Hocus Pocus - Focus: Baby Driver is a good movie! And this song and scene was a real highlight. How Long - Out Hud: Thankyou to @popculturediedin2009 for introducing me to this great song from a !!! side project I never knew about and thankyou to the Lindsay Lohan film I Know Who Killed Me for introducing it to them in the first place. I Can't Turn You Loose - Sly & The Family Stone: The guy making noises into the microphone right at the start is really, really funny and I can't believe it's taken me this long of watching The Blues Brothers pretty regularly to look up the original version of this song. Oh Yeah - The Subways: Rediscovered this album this month after singing Rock And Roll Queen about 20 times in a row with my friends thanks to a Singstar glitch and remembered how I had an absolute breakdown about this song when I was about 19, listening to it on repeat for hours and fretting that I was going to die because I would no longer be a teenager soon. Me And Guiliani Down By The School Yard - A True Story - !!!: Bring back mid-2000s dance-punk we need it now more than ever!

#playlists

115 notes · View notes

josephstoontown · 7 years

Text

Fox in the Henhouse

Word count: 7,289 – Character count: 41,874 Originally written: December 26th, 2016 Accidentally revised*: June 28th, 2017 Further revised: August 12th, 2017 (* I made a mistake while revising stories and accidentally did this one before I needed to. Oops.)

After a delightful morning breakfast, a discussion of relationships turns heavy and heated between friends.

Woody Woodpecker, Winnie Woodpecker, the Woody Woodpecker Show, and related characters and properties created by and © Walter Lantz Productions Lola Bunny, The Looney Tunes Show, and related characters and properties created by and © Warner Bros. Entertainment, Inc.

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

“So, what’s th’ story with that rabbit gal anyway?”

On a Sunday morning in August, a trio of friends – a fox and two woodpeckers – went out to have breakfast together. The male woodpecker had raised the question to the fox between bites of his cheese omelet.

“What do you mean?” replied the fox as he sipped his coffee. “Well, I notice she’s been comin’ over a lot more since Winnie ‘n I came back from our cruise to Acapulco… so, I kinda get th’ feelin’ that maybe somethin’ happened between you two while we were gone. Somethin’ good!” “Well, I mean… you know as much as I do, Woody.” The taller figure gestured with one hand. “She decided to make sure I didn’t get lonely while you were gone–” He paused, noting the slightly suggestive look of intense interest Woody was giving him. “That’s… not what I meant…” he said with a scowl. “Whaaat?” was his pseudo-innocent response. “I’m just listenin’…” The fox gave a huff, shaking his head at the bad acting…

“Anyway… We spent a lot of time together while you were gone and… I guess… we just kinda became friends? It doesn’t seem like she has a lot to do, unlike us, so… she comes over and hangs out anytime she’s in the neighborhood.” “Which is basically any-dang-time!” Woody added with a chuckle. “Mm… yeah,” he agreed. “More-or-less.” “Well, I think it’s great that you’ve made a new friend, Joseph!” Both Joseph and Woody looked over toward Winnie. She was holding a coffee mug and wearing a smile aimed at the former. “For a while, it seemed like you only had Woody or myself to hang around with – not that we minded! You’re pretty interesting! But, I think it’s really great that Lola has become such a good friend to you. She seems pretty…” The female woodpecker paused, giving a thoughtful look. “‘Crazy?’” Woody interjected. “Well… not to sound redundant, but…” “‘Random?’ ‘Insane?’ ‘Annoying?’” “Interesting!” was the word Winnie had settled on as she smirked to her boyfriend. “‘Loopy,’ ‘erratic,’ ‘dizzy…’ I could go on!” “Well, don’t,” Joseph interrupted. “While I can’t argue that she can be a handful at times, I have no problems reminding you, Woody, that you can be just as bad, sometimes.” “Whaaat, meee?” he said, giving a look of genuine surprise. “Are you sayin’ I’m a handful, too…?” “You certainly have your moments…” Winnie said with a grin. “Pah! You’re just pickin’ on me ‘cause I’m short!” “You’re not much shorter than Lola…” Joseph said with a chuckle. “And you and Winnie are about the same height, so…” “So, what? You sayin’ you got somethin’ against shorties, pal?” The fox was taken aback by the sudden accusation. However, the grin that followed it made him smile in amusement. “Goofball…”

The trio continued to talk about a handful of topics while finishing their breakfasts. Once the food was gone, Woody had somehow managed to trick Joseph into paying for all three meals… not that he minded. The woodpecker had been treating him for a while… With the meals paid for, they headed outside the Denny’s and into the parking lot.

“You two wanna lift back home?” Woody asked. “I know it’s not far but it’s kinda chilly, for August!” Joseph looked to Winnie. She looked back his way with a shrug and a smile. “We can walk home, from here. The walk’ll do us good after that weighty breakfast. Besides… I don’t want to cling to the back of your little car, again.” He gave a grin. “Not with the way you drive… Thanks, though!” “Alrighty, then! Enjoy your day off, pal! Just remember, I expect t’ see my gal in one piece when I get back! Ya break ‘er, ya buy ‘er!” He gave a wink. “Got it?” Winnie giggled at what was seemed like some sort of inside joke between the two… Joseph, however, was a little flustered, his mind going to some odd places, from the statement… “I’m off!” the redhead said as he headed to his car a second later. “Don’t do anythin’ I would do!” And, again, Joseph was left scratching his head as Winnie smiled and waved. Soon after, the male woodpecker was gone, heading toward Joe’s Diner and leaving the two to make their way to the Rubber Arms on-foot.

“So, uh… if you don’t mind my asking…” Winnie looked up at Joseph with a smile as she walked alongside him. “Did… Woody mean anything by what he said? I mean… is he expecting us to do… something…? Or, um…” “Oh, you know Woody…” she said with a dismissive hand-wave. “He’s always saying weird things like that!” “If that’s the case… then, why were you giggling?” “Because, he’s funny!” “Well…” Joseph rubbed the back of his head. “You’re not wrong, but…” “You worry too much, Joseph…” Her smile became a grin as she bumped her green-skirted hip to his leg. “It’s like the man said: ‘Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive!’” “Uh… who, exactly, said that?” “Bugs Bunny, of course!” “Of course…” He gave a hum… “Wait, was he quoting someone else?” Winnie suddenly looked unsure of herself. “Umm…” “Because, if he said that ‘the man’ said that… then, who in the world is this ‘the man?’” “Maybe the Internet knows?” she offered. “To the Internet, then?” “To the Internet!” And, with that, Winnie raced off toward the apartment complex, leaving the fox to eat her dust and play catch-up.

“You are… one fast bird…!” “Or, maybe, you’re just out of shape!”

Joseph grinned at Winnie’s teasing. He’d finally caught up with her… but, only because the door to his apartment was locked and she couldn’t get in – though, she probably could have if she’d really wanted to… or, if it were funny, he thought. She was a slapstick ‘toon, after all. The two headed inside not long after.

“So, what does the Internet say about that quote?” Joseph asked as he got some drinks. “It saaays… oh!” Winnie paused. “Ah, I should’ve known! Apparently, the original quote was by Elbert Hubbard!” “Elbert Hubbard, huh?” Joseph gave a blink. “Okay. Who’s that?” “Elbert Hubbard! You know! The socialist philosopher!” “I… don’t know, actually. But, then,” he continued as he returned to the living room, “I also couldn’t tell you much about writers on Ragnarok, either. Well, aside from the one I met that one time… What a sweetheart she was!” “Elbert Hubbard’s literary works,” Winnie continued, ignoring his comment, “included things like ‘The Mintage’ from 1910 and his most famous work, ‘A Message to Garcia,’ his essay from 1899, which focused on the working class and their inability to follow the directions of their superiors – meaning supervisors and the like, of course.” “Can’t say I’m familiar with that piece…” Joseph sat on the couch with a chuckle. “I’ll have to read it to you, sometime!” She brightly smiled, closing the nearby laptop before accepting an iced tea. “It’s very stirring and holds up well even to this day!” “Mmm… right.”

“So, Joseph…” she began again after a few moments. “Yes?” “What is the situation with Lola and yourself?” She paused. “If you don’t mind my asking, I mean…” Joseph gave a blink. “Why does everybody keep thinking there’s a ‘situation’ with us? Can’t a guy like me and a girl like her just be friends?” The fox then noticed… Winnie wasn’t buying what he was selling. “C’mon… d-don’t give me that look, Winnie…” he said in a paranoid tone. “Joseph… I know you too well to believe that there isn’t something going on,” she said with a patient smile. “Either you are… or you aren’t… flirting with her. I just want to know which… And…” She paused again, looking down to her canned drink. “If she’s flirting back…” The fox gave a blink, his ears perking. Winnie’s confidence had waned as she added that last part to her statement. Her face had also turned thoughtful… as if she was already analyzing the potential “situation” between Lola and himself. “If I didn’t know better…” he mused with concern, “I’d say you were kind of… invested… in my… ‘situation…’ Or, lack thereof.”

There was a long, somewhat awkward pause as Joseph watched Winnie run her finger around the rim of her drink. Her lidded eyes were focused on the coffee table and she had a somewhat neutral, somewhat curious look about her…

“So…?” she asked, looking over and breaking the silence. “What’s the situation?” “There is no ‘situation…’” Joseph reassured. “Or, if there is, it’s… I dunno… about the same as the one you and I have-or-don’t-have?” “Oh. Oh…?” She paused… then, she gave a grin. “Ooohh…” “Don’t… read too much into that…” the fox said with a frown. “Lola’s a sweet girl… However… if I’m being perfectly honest…” The fox looked to one side, his ears folding back. “I haven’t made much… ‘progress…’ with her. At least, not as far as I can tell.” “Go on?” Joseph turned back toward Winnie. His ears perked when he noticed the interested, bright-eyed expression she wore. If that had been all, he probably would have let the topic drop… but, the way that pleasant smile rested on her beak never failed to get him to open up…

“Alright, so…” he began, “I told you she’d been keeping me company while you guys were on vacation…” “Uh-huh?” “Well… that first day she came over was… awkward… but, interesting.” The fox continued from there, telling Winnie about accidentally half-seducing her not once… but, twice, that day, as well as the awkwardness of her over-the-top shenanigans the following night. He decided to leave out any details regarding Lola’s personal life as well as what, exactly, he’d been dreaming about when he started molesting the invasive rabbit in his sleep… but, otherwise, he told her everything.

“I think I understand…” Winnie said after the story was finished. “You’re not sure Lola is interested in you in the same way you’re interested in her, right?” “That’s part of it, yeah…” he answered truthfully. “She’s not exactly… direct… when it comes to stuff like that. Which is funny, considering what she told me about her last ‘relationship…’” “You mean with Bugs?” The fox perked. “Wh– how did you know–?” “It was aaall over the newspapers, back then! ‘Stalker tempts cartoon rabbit with a carrot,’ or something like that… Huh… come to think of it, I’m not sure why I didn’t recognize that Lola sooner! She has a pretty memorable face…” “Pretty eyes, too.” The woodpecker jolted at that, looking up. “What?” “Uh… sorry…” Joseph rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. Winnie gave a chuckle of her own before continuing her train of thought.

“What’s the other thing stopping you from being more forward, if you don’t mind my prying?” “Well. Well…” he said, sounding a little annoyed. “Just… just ‘toons, man… You know how they are.” A flash of anger came across Winnie’s face upon hearing that. “No, I don’t know how we are,” she half-spat. “Care to explain, Mr. Joseph Lithius?” “I– Oooh…” The fox gave a frown. “Winnie, no, I didn’t mean–” “And, what did you mean?” The woodpecker’s arms crossed over her chest. “Well?” “I just– y’all… can’t…” Joseph sputtered a little. He knew he’d really upset Winnie by saying those few careless words… and, he didn’t really know how to fix it. He could just back out and hope she forgot he’d even said anything… but, he knew she wasn’t the kind of person that would let go of something like that. Not seeing any other choice, he decided to just go ahead and risk telling her… “You ‘toons never take anything seriously!”

Winnie was a little staggered by the statement, her eyes wide and a surprised look on her face. For a moment, she really didn’t know what to do… As she thought about his words, though, her surprise… became a realization. And… “You’re right.” An agreement.

The fox gave a blink, his head jerking up and swinging toward hers. Winnie set her drink down before resting her hands on the hem of her skirt. Once again, she wore a patient smile on her face… though, he could tell there was just a little bit of “hurt” in her pretty, blue eyes. “As a slapstick ‘toon, it’s hard-wired into our ink-and-paint that, if there’s any opportunity to be funny… we have to take it. It doesn’t matter whether or not we think someone’s watching… We’re just going to go for it regardless of circumstance… and, quite often… without considering the long-term effects of our shenanigans. There’s no real thought involved… no time to consider things like, ‘Well, he’s going to be upset if I do this…’ It’s all just an ingrained, knee-jerk response to a given situation.” She gave her skirt an uncomfortable squeeze. “We’re made to be funny…” she whispered, her eyes starting to tear up. “It goes against our nature to not be…” “Winnie…” The woodpecker suddenly shook her head, starting to laugh as she wiped her moistening eyes with one arm. She then smiled up at the fox.

“I understand your frustration, Mr. Lithius… I really do! I can understand why you’d feel the way you do… and, be so disappointed with us ‘toons. We have feelings and emotions just like everyone else… but, that ‘Rule of Funny’ has a stranglehold on us slapstick ‘toons… some more than others… It’s a curse… but, sometimes…” Her smile brightened. “It can be a real blessing, too!” Joseph gave a blink and tilted his head. Winnie was still laughing… but, she seemed somewhere between being genuinely happy and staying upset with herself.

“It takes more muscles for a human – or humanoid,” she added with a nod toward the fox, “to frown than it does to smile. Plus… it’s like Roger Rabbit said: ‘A laugh can be a very powerful thing!’ I’ve… never had to use it as a weapon, myself… but, I’m sure that, in the right situation, it could be a very effective one!” “You ‘toons really like that movie, don’t you?” Winnie gave a blink at the sudden topic change… but, she didn’t miss a beat otherwise. “It’s a really good movie! Scary… and, maybe a little too realistic…” The fox gave an inadvertent snicker at that. “But, it is a really good movie with a lot of messages that are really relevant even today!” She paused to give the fox a curious look before asking… “Why?” “Huh?” He gave a blink. “Oh, just… I notice that both you and Lola seem to pull quotes from that movie in particular.” Her curiosity intensified. “She’s quoted the movie, too?” “Yeah. Like, one time… she used the ‘I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way’ line.” Winnie gave a smirk. The fox immediately knew what she was thinking…

“No no,” Joseph started to clarify. “She used it in a completely different context. What she meant was like, ah… let’s see… Oh! Have you see Disney’s ‘The Princess and the Frog?’” “Yes?” “Well, if you remember Doctor uh… Doctor…” “Doctor Facilier, ‘the Shadow Man,’” Winnie helpfully prompted. “Right! Him! Well, he was bad-to-the-bone, in the movie… preying on peoples’ greed and whatnot. But, from what I’ve read through newspapers and the like, he’s actually pretty nice! I mean, how bad can he be if he frequently does free shows at Tia’s Palace?” “You mean ‘Tiana’s Place?’” she corrected. “Uh, that! Yeah! Heh. Man, I sure don’t know my Disney…” “You know Robin Hood, though.” The fox gave a grin… Winnie almost immediately knew what that meant…

“Robin Hood ‘n Little John, walkin’ through th’ fo-rest, laughin’ back ‘n forth at what the other’n has t’ saaay…” She couldn’t help but be amused as he sang the song pitch-perfectly. “Reminiscing this-‘n-that and havin’ such a good time…” Joseph gave a grin as she joined in for the last part. “Oodalolly, oodalolly, golly what a day!” The two then burst into laughter before sharing a happy smile.

“You’ve gotta admit,” Joseph said with a swish of his tail, “that’s a fun song.” “Of course!” she agreed with a giggle. “I can’t help but think the only reason you know it is because I won’t stop singing it, though…” “Sometimes,” Winnie chuckled, “I think it was a mistake to share that movie with you…” “Maybe… But, I’m glad you did.” He warmly smiled. “And I’m even more glad you watched it with me.”

A content silence filled the room as the two shared another smile. It didn’t last long, though, as Joseph noticed Winnie start to look glum again. “What’s… what’s wrong, Winnie?” he asked with perked ears. “Nothing…” she said with a faint smile. “I’m just… thinking…” “Thinking? About what?” “About what you said… and, about how right you are.” “I…” The fox’s face went through a couple of shifts before he settled on a confused look. “I’m sorry, what?” “You’re right about ‘toons like us,” she said, looking up and gesturing with one hand. “We can’t take anything seriously because the ‘Rule of Funny’ frequently supersedes the moment. I never really thought about how frustrating it can be for someone who doesn’t ‘run’ on laughter and comedy…” She paused for a moment before continuing. “Sometimes, when Woody and I are being… i-intimate…” she shyly stated, “sometimes, Rule of Funny comes into play and derails whatever we might have been feeling at-the-time. However… it almost always leads into an eruption of laughter… then, a brilliant smile! I guess what I’m saying is… when Woody and I make each other laugh…” The bird gave a bright blush, placing her gloved hands to her cheeks… “I-it’s somehow even better than… better than…” Joseph started to blush himself… He had an idea of how Winnie was thinking about finishing that thought… “You don’t have to say it,” the fox stated, causing the bashful bird to jolt. “Honestly, a good laugh… I mean, a really good laugh… can feel pretty good. I’m not exactly sure how ‘toons like you are built… but, if laughter is your, um… t-turn-on…” Winnie gave another blush… but, she continued paying full attention. “Well… who am I to argue? I just wish… well… that I was more funny, in that case.” The fox’s blush brightened a little as he whispered to her. “I’d love to tickle your funny bone, sometime…”

There was another awkward silence between them, Winnie staring wide-eyed at the fox as he found himself unable to look her in the face anymore. He was feeling far too shy for that, given what he’d just said. But, for some reason though… it hadn’t had that effect on her.

“J… Joseph?” she quietly asked. “Are you saying… what I think you’re saying…?” He hesitated… then, gave his response. “What can I say…? I… I like making people happy.” “It’s more than that, though. Isn’t it?” The fox gave a wince, his ears falling back. She could see how tense he was feeling just then… which told her… “I’m right, aren’t I?” “Y… you’re… you’re not wrong…?” he skittishly admitted. “You… did mean that as a double entendre…” she guessed, her face brightening, again. The fox remained silent, his own cheeks red with shy embarrassment… He really hadn’t meant it as a double entendre… but, at the same time…

Maybe he had…

Winnie squeezed her skirt with one hand, the other sliding down to fidget with her plumage. She couldn’t take the eyes off the blushing fox as she sat there, unsure of what to say… what to do… It felt, to her, like she should have been more startled by his somewhat-backhanded confession… but, for some reason… that wasn’t even remotely close to what she was feeling… Unfortunately, what she was feeling just made things all the more confusing… and, that confusion was most likely the reason she whispered to him after the longest of pauses…

“I’d like that…”

The fox jolted in his seat, his fur bristling, ears perking, and tail straightening. Even Winnie couldn’t believe she’d just said that! She immediately hid her face behind her hands, trying to avoid eye-contact as best she could. “What…” was all the fox could manage to say. He didn’t really want her to repeat herself… He’d heard her just fine. His problem was… he was having a very hard time processing the fact that she’d basically just… said ‘yes’ to his accidental suggestion. And, it sounded to him, at least… like she had meant it.

“I’m not sure why I said that,” Winnie squeaked from behind her hands as she started to explain herself. “I’m really not! It just… seemed like the right thing to say, at the time?” The bird waited for a response… but, ended up not getting one, so she continued. “I… I like you, Joseph… I really do. I like you a lot!” she said as she slowly brought her hands back down to her lap. The blush on her face was bright enough to illuminate the room… “A-and… I want to make you happy. Not just because you make me happy… but, because… I-I think you deserve it. I… kind of think it was sweet of you to make that offer…” She gave a squirm, looking down and pausing again. “A-and… i-if you wanted to… I… I think it would be a lot of fun…!” Why am I saying these things?! she yelled at herself in her head. I’m making myself sound absolutely horrible! Like I’m some… some harlot! O-or– “We don’t have to.”

The bird gave a blink of her blue eyes, staring up at Joseph. He was looking to the side, again, and rubbing his arm. His tail and ears were also lowered… and, Winnie noticed, he had a look of shame on his face. “I feel like that remark I made was… was uncalled for,” he said. “And, I just… I’m sorry.” The woodpecker gave another blink as she watched him sit up. “I appreciate you being so enthusiastic about the offer…” She gave a wince, feeling a flash of embarrassment. “But, I mean… j-just because I suggested it doesn’t mean we have to do it. All the talk about laughter and intimacy got me thinking and I just… I dunno… I said something stupid. I’m sorry. I really am…”

Joseph went silent after his explanation, just staring at the coffee table as Winnie stared at him. By that point, she wasn’t really sure what to think… He really did seem sorry for what he’d said, despite the fact he hadn’t offended or even bothered her… but… Should I just accept his apology? she thought. Should I tell him it’s fine and just let it go? Should I be mad because that’s what he’s expecting? Do I tell him he’s being just silly and overreacting over nothing? This is such an odd predicament… She gave a frown. What do I do? What do I do…?

The seconds seemed to pass like minutes as Winnie watched her friend remain there, paralyzed with guilt. It was tearing her up inside to see him feel so bad over something that, in all honesty, hadn’t even phased her. How could she fix this situation… and, more importantly… how could she keep it from getting worse?

Joseph gave a blink, his fur bristling again. His ears had picked up on a small, soft sound as something just touched his cheek. By the time he’d looked to see what was going on, he noticed the form of the shorter, red woodpecker pressing herself against and wrapping her arms around his body. “Wh…?” “It’s okay,” Winnie calmly said as she gave him a squeeze. “I’m not mad. I’m not even bothered. If anything, I’m actually kind of… flattered! I… I didn’t think you liked me like that…” There was a pause before he heard her whisper… “Especially since that bunny came around…” “W… wait, what?” The woodpecker gave a jolt. Did I say that out loud?! she tensely thought. “You… what? Bunny?” was the fox’s confused stream of consciousness. That seemed to confirm her thought…

“You mean Lola?” he asked, looking down at his companion. “I don’t… Why would she have anything to do with how I felt toward you… or, anyone else, for that matter?” Winnie hesitated… then, she gave a sigh before leaning back in his lap. “Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention…” she said with a frown. “But, it seemed to me like… since Woody and I came back from Acapulco, you… haven’t been as, um… ‘interested’ in me…?” The woodpecker gave an awkward smile, causing the fox some confusion. “To be honest, I thought that, maybe… you were completely focused on Lola! It seemed like you two were really hitting it off– n-not that I thought you two were dating or anything like that! I just mean that, you know, she’s a girl and you’re a guy… plus I know you– I mean, I think I know you… I know you’re a flirt… but, a really sweet guy, too, so I’d just assumed that, maybe, you were trying your luck with her and that she… she…” Winnie gave another light sigh before hugging the fox again. “I was getting jealous,” was the next thing she said. “I’m sorry.” “J-jealous…?” The fox gave a blink. “Y… yes,” she assured with some annoyance – mostly with herself. “Jealous…”

There was another long pause between the two, then. Joseph was trying to process what Winnie had just told him… while Winnie just seemed content to hang on to him. In fact… she seemed to be hanging on to him a little tightly… almost like she’d expected him to suddenly disappear, or something…

“You were jealous of Lola…?” he asked again. Winnie just gave a nod… “Winnie… c’mon, now,” the fox said with a chuckle. “You know how I am.” “Do I, though?” He gave another jolt as Winnie turned her head his way. She looked upset… “What if Lola took you away from us… took you away from me?” she asked, sounding unusually possessive. “I didn’t know how close you two were getting… but, if Lola’s anything like me, she’ll probably fall for your unique charms and… and…” The woodpecker gave a sigh of frustration before burying her face into his chest. “Oh, I must sound so stupid right now… Just… forget I even brought it up! Okay?” “I, uh… I don’t think I really can, now!” She looked back up at his face. He looked a little awkward… but, he was smiling.

“You were really jealous of Lola, huh?” he casually asked. “Yes, darn it…!” she replied with a huff. “How many times are you going to ask that?” “Well, I mean… it’s not like we’re dating or something, Winnie…” “I know that!” she shouted. She then gave another sigh before cuddling in close… “Look, it’s not every day a guy like you comes along, okay? You have a decent sense of humor and have just the right amount of dignity to make the perfect fall-guy for ‘toonish pranks! But, moreover… you’re sensitive, sweet, kind… caring… Loving…” she whispered. The fox gave another blink… “I know it’s selfish to say this, but…” He could feel Winnie swallow before she said, “I didn’t want to share you… A-and… I still don’t.” The fox gave another blink as Winnie shook her head.

“I’m just being stupid, right now… I’m confused and annoyed and… and…” “Jealous?” The bird scowled to herself… “Jealous…” “Can I tell you something, Winnie?” She hesitated… but gave a soft nod. “Truth be told… even after all the awkward pseudo-romance you and I have had… I… wasn’t really sure you’d meant any of it. No offense.” “Wh–?!” Winnie was thrown for a loop. She stared up at the fox, utter bafflement on her face. After a moment, though… that look began to give way… “You… you filthy animal!!” To an ugly, angry one.

The fox gave a startled yelp as Winnie shoved him back against the armrest. His ears folded and fur bristled yet again as he watched her stand up, a look of absolute fury on her face as she glared down at him.

“I cannot believe, not even for a minute,” she yelled, “that, after all we have done and all I have said… that you could possibly have the gall to question my integrity like that! What sort of a woman do you think I am, Joseph Lithius?! Did you honestly think that… all this time… I was letting you be so affectionate… and returning your affections just… just for a laugh?!” Even if the fox had wanted to answer, he hadn’t had the time before he felt Winnie’s gloved hand slap him across the face.

“You are unbelievable, Joseph! And, I most certainly do not mean that as a compliment! What sort of person takes the gift of a girl’s love, handed to them on a silver platter, only to set it down and analyze it like it was some sort of paramecium under a microscope?!” “The kind of guy…” he quietly answered as he rubbed his cheek, “that is too stupid to see what’s been right there in front of him the whole time, apparently…” “No! The kind of guy who– wait, what?” Despite his folded ears and curled tail… Joseph was smiling. Laughing, even! But, rather than anger Winnie more… it just made her feel confused.

“What… why are you laughing?” she awkwardly asked with a frown. “I’m laughing because I’m so damn oblivious!” he said, continuing to smile. Winnie glanced down toward the couch… then to the rear cushions at her side… and, finally, back to the fox… who was apparently amused by his own stupidity. “I’m… not sure what you mean,” she honestly stated. “You have feelings for me,” was his simple answer. “Just like I do for you.” “Well, yeah! But–” “You love me. Don’t you?” The woodpecker crossed her arms and gave a scowl. “Don’t try and guess my emotions,” she calmly warned. “Well… I love you. So, I guess you can stick that under your hat, whatever that means.” Winnie gave a blink of her blue eyes. “Wait, really?” The fox gave a nod… “W– How– how long?” “What?” “How long have you felt this way?” she clarified with a concerned look on her face. “I dunno…” he chuckled. “Longer than I’ve known Lola, though.” “Oh.”

Winnie once again found her eyes looking toward the couch cushions. She was rubbing her arm and wore an awkward expression. For a moment, neither party said a word. Eventually, though… “I’m sorry I slapped you,” Winnie calmly said. “And, I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to,” was Joseph’s laughing reply. Winnie paused… then asked, “You love me, huh?” “I do.” “What… kind of love?” was her next question. “Hm?” He gave a rub of his upper lip. “Let me think…”

Winnie patiently waited as Joseph thought about the question, his eyes on the ceiling and his arms crossed. After several moments, he looked back to the woodpecker with a smile.

“I can summarize it for you, thusly…” he began. “Do I want to hold you for ever-and-ever, give you kisses, make you laugh, and revel in your adoration? Heck yeah! Do I want to deny Woody from all or any of that? Not in the slightest. You are Woody’s girlfriend and he is your boyfriend… and, I will never do anything to change that. Well… nothing on-purpose, I mean. There was those couple of times Woody got mad at me… but, ah, even then!” The fox gave a chuckle. “So, uh, yeah! I love you like that, ma jolie petite rousse.” Winnie gave a blink. “What?” “What?” “What did you say?” “I said, ‘I love you like that.’” “After that.” “‘What?’” “Before that!” “Uh… oh! Right.” He gave a nod. “I said, ‘Ma jolie petite rousse.’ I think.” “Was that French?” She brightly smiled. “It’s really pretty. What does it mean?” “Oh, uh…” The fox bashfully glanced down with a faint blush on his face. “It means, ‘my pretty little redhead.’ Lola’s been teaching me a little–” “You think I’m pretty…?” she softly squeaked, interrupting him. “I… yeah? I mean, why wouldn’t I?” The woodpecker gave a sly grin… “Because I look like Woody in drag?” “Well, I mean, I think he’s kinda cute, too, buuut…” The fox gave a laugh. Winnie joined him after a brief pause. For some reason… she’d stopped to wonder just how serious he’d been with that comment…

“I think you’re very pretty, to be honest,” Joseph continued. “You wear your hair so cutely with that forward quiff… and, I always like how your skirts and dresses look on you… Plus, you have the prettiest blue eyes–” “That you’ve seen in a while?” she interrupted again with a smile. “Um… yeah, actually. How did you–” “You told me that on Christmas Eve, last year.” “W… you remember that?” The fox gave a blink. “Even I forgot I said that…” “Well, I remembered… and, even then, I was a little flattered… But…” She brightly smiled to the fox, her eyelids lowering into a soft, adoring look. “Now that I know you a little better… I’m very flattered…” The fox gave a blush, rubbing the back of his head with a light chuckle… “I’m glad?” “Me, too… handsome.” “H… handsome?” He gave another blink. The look Winnie was giving him… combined with the soft, almost sensual tone of her voice… told him something had changed. The air of awkwardness had been dispelled, replaced by one of affection… maybe even love… He didn’t want to assume as much, though. Just because he loved her didn’t necessarily mean– “By the way…” She paused to grin. “I love you, too, Joseph…”

And, just like that, the fox was stunned. His eyes opened wide, his mouth hung open, and he stared in complete and total awe as Winnie gave a soft, girlish giggle from behind one hand. As he looked, though, he also noticed… she was taking a much more feminine pose than before. Her body was angled somewhat to one direction as she fondly gazed his way, her blue eyes aglow and her eyelashes fluttering. The one hand remained beside her beak as she continued to lightly giggle with a soft, somewhat shy look, while the other arm hung down, bent inward at the elbow as her hand remained loosely clasped with her pinky extended. One of her legs was also bent at the knee, her toes tapping the couch as she stood on the other leg.

“O… oh. Okay,” was all the stunned fox could say, much to her annoyance. “‘Okay?’” she repeated, standing up straight. “That’s all…?” “Um… uh– uh-huh?” “I tell you that I love you and all you can think to say is ‘Oh, okay…?’” The fox gave a swallow, then a nod. He was a little too frazzled to do much else… “Hmm… Hm.” The fox watched as Winnie hopped off the couch and walked around the coffee table. He eventually snapped out of his daze around the same time Winnie had started to root around the small collection of VHS cassette tapes on the entertainment center.

“W… what are you doing?” he asked. “You need a lesson in love, Casanova,” she smartly stated, “so, I’m looking to see if you guys have any romance movies.” “Wh– wait, what?” “When a girl tells you she loves you,” she begun to explain, “you’re not supposed to just stare at her and awkwardly say, ‘Oh, okay.’” Winnie stood up with a cassette in one hand. She brought both hands up, clasping them around the tape as she fondly looked toward the ceiling, girlishly bending one leg once more. “You’re supposed to pull her into your arms… sweep her off her feet… look her deep in the eyes… and, then… kiss her!” The fox gave a blink as Winnie took a casual stance again, giving him an annoyed look. “You’re not supposed to just sit there like a bump on a log, slack-jawed and simple!” “W… well… I…” The girl waved her free finger at him. “That’s just not how it’s done, Mr. Lithius!”

Once again, the fox found himself too stunned to really do much of anything other than watch Winnie continue to poke through the tapes. After a few moments of watching her tail-feathers bob and wag, however, he gave an annoyed scowl and got to his feet.

“Now, I know I suggested a movie to Woody for a stay-at-home Satur-Date… Where is–” But, before the girl could finish her thought, she found herself being lifted around the waist. It didn’t take her long to figure out who was behind it… “What on Earth are you doing, Joseph?” she asked with a curious blink. “Fixing this,” he said, shifting her in his arms. Soon, she found herself being cradled by the taller figure. “Fixing wha– nn!” And, a moment later… she found her beak occupied by his muzzle.

For a moment, she thought about protesting. He’d already blown the perfect opportunity to be romantic with her earlier and the kiss just seemed so… so forced! But, at the same time… “M– mm…” She felt her body grow heavy. Before long, she let go of the tape in her hand, letting it tumble to the floor as she closed her eyes, letting the kiss happen… No… no, she was doing more than that. She was pressing into the kiss… Something about the way he was kissing seemed different from their usual kisses, though… Suddenly, it hit her. The fox, upon her criticism, had taken her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers in one, long, loving kiss… and, she quickly found herself returning the gesture, her arms curling around his shoulders and her body snuggling up closer to his chest. He hadn’t missed his opportunity. He’d made his own opportunity!

“Oh… Joseph…” she called as he withdrew an unknown amount of time later. Even with her fluttering eyelids, she could see the blush on his cheeks… and, the fond look in his beautiful, golden eyes. There was no mistaking it… They had found their moment. However, it seemed like the fox wanted more than just a moment, then… Winnie soon found herself being carried away from the living room… and, into an adjacent area.

The woodpecker gave a blink as she found herself gently placed on a soft, cushiony surface. A quick glance told her it was a bed… He’d brought her into the bedroom. And, that… made her feel very shy. Vulnerable, even… What was Joseph going to do with her, in that room? What did he have in mind? And, most importantly to her… was she really in any mindset to tell him… “No?” The answer to that… as well as the previous questions… suddenly became obvious to her. Even in her euphoric, half-dazed state of mind, she knew… W… we’re going to take things to another level…! Winnie gave a light squeak, bringing her hands over her beak and brightly blushing. Her legs rose just enough for her knees to lock together and she could feel her heart trying to escape her chest. Meanwhile, Joseph was busying himself with adjusting the room’s conditions…

She watched as the blinds of the outside window were closed, keeping any prying eyes from watching them… not that she thought anyone was actually out there. She then watched as the fox walked over to the bedroom door and closed it. That made her think… even if she’d wanted to… there was no escape for her. The last thing he did was to turn the nearby clock radio on. He didn’t bother changing it from the 80s station it was on, however… not that Winnie minded. She always liked 80s music… and, the romantic pop song that played as she nervously lay there could not have been much more fitting to their situation. ‘Stay the night,’ indeed… she thought, despite her apprehension or the time of day.

Finally, after all the preparations had been made, Joseph sat at the side of the bed. One of his hands was on his lap while the other rested on the bedspread. He had a warm, somewhat shy smile as he looked to his companion… “So, here we are…” he nervously said. “Y… yeah…” was her reply. And… that was all either of them could think to say… –––––

She shouldn’t have been watching… Even she knew better. But, for some reason… she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the scene unfolding before her. It had started to innocently… so sweetly… only for things to rapidly deteriorate into an escapade the likes of which she’d never seen.

She’d only come over to see if Joseph wanted to hang out. Really! But, as she watched events of Apartment 3C unfold through the blinds that day… Lola Bunny couldn’t believe what she’d seen… or, what she’d continued to see.

She’d intended to open the window and climb inside Apartment 3C, just like always. But, as she reached toward the blinds’ drawstring to pull them up… she’d heard a female gasp. From there, her natural curiosity quickly took over…

That day, she watched her friend… her best friend… do things with that little redheaded woodpecker she’d never even considered he might do. She’d watched them become intimately acquainted… gazed on as more-and-more of their clothes left their bodies… and, could do little more than continue to watch while the amber-hued fox she liked so much… made the woodpecker lady cry out for him, the two losing themselves to pure… carnal… pleasure.

Lola’s black eyes stayed glued to the scene playing out in Joseph’s bedroom that day… from its innocent. As soon as she heard them cry out in what she assumed to be their finale, though… she decided that it was time to go. She’d seen enough… and, most likely, way more than she really should have! And, for some reason… the things she’d seen had left an impact on her.

It really bothered her! Just… not in the way it should have, to her thinking.

She held a hand over her chest as she walked away from the rear of the Rubber Arms apartment complex, lost in deep thought while the sights and sounds of the scenario she’d witnessed replayed in her mind… She’d heard that woodpecker call her best friend’s name while crying out in what was without a doubt unbridled ecstasy… and, she’d heard him call to her with similar tones. She’d seen their bodies become entangled and, though she didn’t have the best view, had no doubts about what they’d been doing. There aren’t many things two people do on a bed that makes that kind of noise, after all! But, knowing that Joseph and Winnie were that close… seeing them do that sort of thing… For some reason… it seemed to break something inside of her.

It’s not like they were dating, her and Joseph… She had no reason to be upset. He was free to do whatever… or whoever… he wanted. She knew that. So, why, then…? Why did she feel so bothered by what she’d seen and heard? Was she somehow… jealous? If so, why? While she didn’t know the answer to that, she knew one thing, for certain.

It was going to take a lot of time for her to erase what she’d seen, from her mind…

And… maybe a little bit of alcohol, too.

#commercial characters #The Woody Woodpecker Show #Woody Woodpecker #Winnie Woodpecker #The Looney Tunes Show #Lola Bunny #original characters #Essence of Ragnarok #Joseph Lithius #slice of life #comedy #drama #romance

0 notes

josephstoontown · 7 years

Text

Jojo and Lolo, Ch. II

Chapter II of "Jojo and Lolo," a Joseph's ToonTown story. (Originally part of Chapters I and II of the original story of the same name.)

And so, the story continues, with all the more weirdness, silliness, and fun you'd expect from a romantic fox and silly bunny. Yeah, I got nothin'.

Word count: 7,027 – Character count: 40,050 Originally written: December 23rd, 2016 Slightly revised: June 6th/7th, 2016 Revised further: September 2nd, 2017

With emotions sorted and thoughts collected, the two head out to have some fun, together.

Lola Bunny, The Looney Tunes Show, and related characters and properties created by and © Warner Bros. Animation Winnie Woodpecker, The Woody Woodpecker Show, and related characters and properties created by and © Walter Lantz Productions

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

Lola listened to Joseph as he told her about his life and his home world. She gasped as she heard about his awful childhood as a laboratory test subject and awed as he told her about the rogue scientist that had acted as his surrogate mother. She stared, wide-eyed, as he told her about his first true crush and best friend, Kaiya, and she frowned in sympathy when he told her about the day she’d moved away. She tilted her head as he moved to his ex-girlfriend, Kris… how they’d met… their relationship… even the secret they shared… and, she offered another sympathetic frown as he told her about three years prior to modern times, when she’d broken up with him. The monologue continued further, well beyond the scope of his friends, love life, and on to other things. He told her about what he’d done for a living… what sort of place Planet Ragnarok was… He confided in her what gave him the most joy and told her of his greatest regrets. He made mention of his time in ToonTown… how he truly felt about Winnie and Woody… but, neglected to mention that there had been times where he had acted on those feelings – at least with the former. And, finally, he wrapped everything up by telling her… “I appreciate you taking the time to listen to everything. I really do.”

As Lola lay there next to Joseph, just as she had been for an hour earlier and beyond… she honestly wasn’t sure what to make of everything she’d just learned. It was true that she was the one who’d prompted him to unload… but, she hadn’t… truly hadn’t… been expecting the volumes of information, about her friend. It was a little overwhelming… knowing as much as she did about him, then… but, the thing that bothered her more than anything was… “I wish I had something to tell you, back…”

The fox gave a blink. Lola was offering a soft, somewhat unconvincing smile. “‘Something to tell me?’” he repeated. “I don’t understand.” “I haven’t lived life like you have,” she explained. “I was only made a few years ago… and, really, I’ve only done one or two things, since! After my contract with Warner expired, they just kind of… let me loose into the world. I almost feel like they forgot about me…” The rabbit looked down toward the bedspread. “They didn’t even call me in to do Rabbit’s Run, last year… They got some other bunny, to do that movie… You can tell, because of the different voice! So, I’ve just kind of… wandered around ToonTown. But…!” The fox’s ears perked as Lola’s tone and expression turned angry. “Do you know what the most annoying thing is…?” Joseph shook his head. “The most annoying thing… is that, I’m not even the real me!” She gave a scowl. “I’m just a cheap knock-off of some eye-candy from a crappy movie made back in ‘96!” The fox gave a blink. “Wait, what?” And, that caused Lola to give a long, labored sigh… “Do you remember that ‘sister’ I keep bringing up? The one who’s also named ‘Lola?” “Y… yes?” “Well… actually, wait, here.” Lola brought her cell phone back up, typing something into the keypad. A moment later, she turned it toward the fox and… he couldn’t believe what he saw.

Image-after-image was listed on a search display reading “Space Jam, Lola Bunny…” and, all of them seemed to be of her. But, at the same time… it wasn’t of her, at all… No, the rabbit on the screen was a little more… “pandering.” At least, that’s what he thought. It was true that she had the same creamy-orange and light-tan fur as the Lola he knew… the same platinum-blond hair and a similar look… She even wore ears back in a hairband the same way. But, the Lola he was looking at, on the cell phone, seemed more streamlined… more, well… sexy, depending on one’s definition. Compared to the Lola he knew, she had blue eyes, a smaller nose and teeth, and a slightly larger bust… From what he could see, she also had a much different personality, too. But, there was no mistaking it… If he hadn’t known better… hadn’t met the Lola in front of him, first… he would have had to say that she… the Lola Bunny he knew… was a knock-off of the one on the cell phone; a parody, or deconstruction, in a way… And, he could tell.. that upset her greatly.

“It’s been tough, living in the shadow of not only Bugs but this… this bimbo!” Lola said, showing genuine disdain for the furry pin-up on the screen. “But, at the same time…” She reached up, closing the cell phone. Joseph could see how hurt she felt as she spoke… “I have to face the facts,” she sadly stated. “I’m the copy. I’m the double. I’m the one who doesn’t belong. And, that’s probably why Warner let my contract expire, after The Looney Tunes Show was done. Because… they were done with me. “And, why would they need me,” she continued, starting to rant, “when they have this ‘Lola Bunny’ around to push more products or keep my Bun-Bun happy…?” The fox gave a blink, his ears half-folding at the nickname. “So, that’s why… that’s why…” Lola said with genuine happiness, “I decided to try and become friends with ‘Real Lola!’” “What…?” Joseph felt more than a little confused by that point… “Yeah! It’s the perfect plan!” she said with a nod. “Once Warner gets tired of ‘Ms. Don’t Call Me Doll…’ when her curves and B-Ball skills stop selling products… I can step right back in and take her place! Just like I… did…” She paused, a sudden look of realization coming over her. “O… o-oh. Oh, oh, no.” Realization set in as she blankly stared at her companion. She then asked… “A… am I… the bad-guy…?”

Joseph gave a jolt as he felt his chest fur being grabbed by the ‘toon’s gloved hands. Her black eyes were filling with tears, again, as she desperately looked to him for reassurance. “Am I the bad-guy…?” she whimpered. “Do… do you think she hates me as much as I hate her…? What if… what if…” Lola’s breathing turned a little ragged. She was starting to freak out… “What if she’s planning to do something bad to me, right now…? I took her place, not the other way around! She’d be justified…! No one would blame her…” Her grip tightened on Joseph’s chest fur, causing him to wince. “It’s the perfect alibi…”

“Lola…!” He gave a grunt. “You’re… hurting me…!” “Huh? What?” She blinked as she looked back at Joseph. A moment later, she snapped back to reality, letting him go with a simple, one-word apology. “You’re fine…” the fox sighed, straightening his fur. “And… no.” She gave another blink of her wet, black eyes, her full attention on Joseph. “You’re not the ‘bad-guy,’ here. But… neither is she.” Lola raised an eyebrow, tilting her head. “Come again?”

“Alright… from what little I know about the two of you… ‘sex-bomb Lola’ was made for some movie called ‘Space Jam,’ back in 1996, of this world, whereas you were made for The Looney Tunes Show a few years ago. You guys have a lot in-common, design-wise… but, clearly, when they were making your show, they didn’t want a blond bombshell as a character. Maybe her personality was wrong for the ideas they had… or, maybe they were just aiming at a completely different demographic. Either way, they ended up making you – a cuter, less provocative version of the ‘Lola Bunny’ you just showed me.” Lola continued to listen… though, she wasn’t sure where that train of thought was going. “Now, from what I gather… the Lola from Space Jam was more… uh, well…” “‘Sane?’” she interjected. “What? I…” Joseph paused. He noticed the soft smile Lola had on her face. “I know I can be a handful,” she reassured him. “It’s okay. You wouldn’t be the first to tell me I’m crazy. Or psychotic. Stalker-ish… weird… a lunatic – not the ‘Loonatics,’ mind you. Those were a completely different attempt at a redux! The version of me– er, us – Lola and I – from that show is really nice, too! But, boy-oh-boy, don’t ever get her mad!” The fox gave a blink…

“A-anyway…” he continued, “‘wacky,’ is how I’d put it. You’re wacky. And, the other Lola? From all those screenshots and fan art I saw… it didn’t look like she was all that wacky. Or, really, even funny. She just kind of looked like she was a filler character… ya know, just kind of there. Maybe they were trying to appeal to perverts, like me… or, maybe they were trying to empower women. This planet seems to have a problem with gender-roles. And, prejudice…” he added with a scowl. “I mean, so does Ragnarok… But, ah, I’m getting off-topic. “In any case, even if she had a nice personality… she just kind of seemed to be an attempt to pander to… someone. Whereas you?” Lola gave a blink, noticing the fox’s warm smile. “Sweetheart, you have personality for days! You’re eccentric, silly, funny, cute… You can be feminine just as easily as you can be ‘one of the guys…’ In short, you’re a perfectly well-rounded character. Don’t get me wrong… Space Jam-Lola is fine if you’re looking for sex-appeal… but, if you want someone with some real character…” Joseph smiled to the confused, alert bunny in his bed. “Here she is!”

Lola blankly stared at the fox for several moments. And, then… she brought a hand to her chin, her brow furrowing and a thoughtful look coming over her face.

“If I get what you’re saying…” she started, “you’re saying that neither one of us is ‘The One True Lola;’ that we’re both ‘Lola Bunny!’ Just… different Lolas! Me and her and Baby Lola and Lexi, too! We’re all ‘Lola!’” “I, uh… More-or-less, yeah.” “Hmm…” She thought for a moment longer before looking back at Joseph. “Hey, question. Which ‘Lola’ do you like better?” That got a smirk, from the fox. “Don’t you think I’d be a bit too biased to answer that” “No. Why?” The fox grinned, a light blush showing under his fur. “Well… I do have one of the Lolas in my bed, right now…” “Oh? Oh! One sec!”

The fox gave a blink as Lola pulled her phone out yet again, his ears twitching as he heard her pressing buttons. “Uh… what are you doing?” “Calling myself– I mean other-Lola– eh… what do I call her, now?” “Probably the same thing everyone else calls her: ‘Lola.’” he said with a chuckle. A moment later, he jolted, asking, “Wait, why are you calling Lola?” “To invite her over so she can get in your bed?” Joseph blanched, at that, immediately snapping the rabbit’s phone shut with one hand. “Hey!!” She gave a scowl. “Rude! I was trying to do you a favor!” “Lola! J– no!” He frowned in return. “You don’t just call someone and say, ‘Could you get into my friend’s bed? He won‘t answer my question, unless you do.’” “Wow.” The rabbit’s eyelids lowered, a look of disbelief showing plain as day. “What kind of a low-life do you think I am, Joseph?” He frowned again, his ears folding back. “I didn’t mean–” “What I was going to say was, ‘Hey, other-me? Can you come over to my friend’s bedroom? I want to see which one of us he likes best!’” Joseph sputtered at that. At least, until she added… “Only kidding…” He paused to notice the huge grin on Lola’s face. And that put a smirk on his own.

“Really, though,” he started again. “Who were you calling?” “Other-me– er, Lola.” “Why?” Lola gestured with one hand as she explained, “I wanted you to talk to her a little… see if you liked her more than me… stuff like that!” “And, once again…” He offered a smile. “Don’t you think I’m a little biased, at this point? I’ve known you for far longer and we’ve hung out much more. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen her, before today.” The fox brought his hands up, squishing Lola’s face with a grin. “A cute face like you guys’ is pretty hard to forget.”

“Anyway!” Lola smiled as she took back her head. “Other-me is real great! She’s teaching me how to play Basketball and I’m teaching her how to shoot Pool!” “You know how to play Pool?” “Well, yeah!” The grin returned to her face. “I have to eat, too, ya know!” He was about to ask what she meant by that… but, he suddenly realized… “You’re hustling people at Pool, now?” “Only a little!” she said with a gesture of her hand. “Besides… It’s not like I’m playing for much! Just a little here-and-there, to make ends meet… Two… three-grand, tops!” “Per-month?” “What, are you kidding?” She chuckled. “Per-game, Mr. Fox!” But, “Mr. Fox” was not amused… “Oh, I’m kidding,” she said with another chuckle and a hand-wave. “It’s per-month.” “Right, well…” Joseph crossed his arms. “I guess anyone dumb enough to make a bet with a stranger…” “Oh, no, people know who I am. They just think they can beat me, at Pool!” She proudly beamed. “I don’t ever lose, though!” “So… wait.” His head tilted to one side. “You’re saying you’re not hustling people? They’re just… lining up, to play you for money?” “More-or-less!” “Huh…” The fox was speechless.

“Anyway…” He gave the rabbit a curious look. “Do you feel better about everything now, Lola?” “I do!” was her cheerful response as she gave her friend a hug. “But, I have to admit…” “Hm?” There was a bashful grin on her face as she said, “It’s gonna be weird seeing Lola as a friend, now, instead of someone I plan to leave for dead, later!” “Weeell… Just… ya know… maybe, don’t tell her that,” he chuckled. “Still, though, it probably won’t be much different, than before. Just… less negative thoughts about Lola!” “And, less jealousy…” “Eh?” Lola leaned back with a scowl. “You saw the curves on her! She’s hot!” She looked down, then, and quietly murmured, “No wonder Bugs likes her, more…” “Well… maybe, if you just let Bugs get to know the real you, instead of the Lola that’s madly in love, with him… he’d like you, too?” Lola looked up at that, disbelief on her face. “Now, that’s just crazy-talk, mister.” Joseph gave a blink, at that… before cracking a smile, around the same time she did. The two then shared a bit of laughter before settling back down.

“Sooo…” Lola perked as Joseph spoke up again. “I have to ask, uh…” He was blushing again. “Did you really… I mean… earlier, when we–” And, just like earlier that morning… Lola silenced him with a gloved finger. “Yes,” was her simple answer before she let him speak again. However, he remained silent, just taking in her face… She was smiling… but, it wasn’t her usual smile. It wasn’t a particular shy smile, either… It was something different… It was a beautiful kind of smile… one that he thought she only brought out for special, intimate occasions and one… that he genuinely hoped he’d see more of.

“As much as I like layin’ around in bed all day,” she suddenly said, pulling back, “now that you’re awake, let’s go do something!” “Huh– mm…” was all he could say as he watched her slide out from under the covers and stretch. For some reason, he felt the urge to say something… rather odd. “I like your tail.” Lola’s upper-half turned to look at him. She had a perplexed look on her face… like, she wasn’t bothered by the compliment… but, she didn’t exactly know how to respond, either. At least, not at first. “Maybe, if you’re good, I’ll let you touch it!” was the cheerful response Joseph got. And… that response made him grin… albeit, a little bashfully. A moment later, he slid out of bed and stood beside her.

“Nice shorts!” The fox gave a blink… He’d somehow forgotten he wasn’t wearing anything but a pair of boxer shorts, then. For a couple of seconds, he’d almost felt the urge to wrap his tail over his lap… but, when he noticed Lola was genuinely smiling at him, rather than smirking… he decided not to bother. “Yeah, sorry,” he said with a chuckle. “I wasn’t expecting company, so…” “So, get dressed, already!” she cheerfully requested. “We’re burnin’ daylight!” “Heh. Alright, alright…”

Joseph took a few minutes to clean himself up before joining the eager rabbit in the living room. As he prepared to head out with his eccentric companion, he found himself wondering just what the girl had planned for them… “It’s a secret!” was all Lola would tell him even as they left his apartment minutes later. That made him a little nervous, given her track record… but, it was also kind of exciting.

Whatever she planned… he knew that they wouldn’t be bored.

After leaving the Rubber Arms apartment complex, the first stop on Lola’s tour of ToonTown was to get some breakfast, at Denny’s. The service was fairly speedy, that morning, since there was what Joseph called “a serious lack of people,” in the building. As he ate his eggs and toast, though, he also noted that the food seemed even better-than-usual – which was high praise, indeed, considering he always liked that Denny’s food. Lola seemed to be enjoying herself, as well… although, she did manage to embarrass the fox by asking some odd questions.

“Does the 55+, in this section, mean you have to order 55 items or more? Or, do you get one of these as a freebie, by having 55 or more dinners, here? Oh! Maybe it means everything costs 55 dollars! Oooh… that seems a little steep for more of the same…” She seemed pretty disappointed to hear Joseph explain what the 55+ really meant… but, she didn’t stay that way too long, when the prospect of a morning dessert came up.

With breakfast in their bellies, Lola decided the two should work off the excess calories by going ice skating. Joseph didn’t even know there was an ice rink, in ToonTown, but Lola was quick to drag him onto a bus… heading to the Red Light District, of all places! He was highly suspicious of her motivations… but, his suspicions were discarded the moment he saw what looked to be a perfectly normal, perfectly-tame ice rink sitting close to a Thai food restaurant. “What in the world is this doing here?” was the first thing Joseph asked as Lola lead him to the building – a place called “The Skating Edge Ice Arena,” judging by the sign. “You can find ice rinks just about anywhere, in the country!” was her explanation. “If I had the money, I could probably make my own! In the Sahara!! Oh, wouldn’t that be fun?” “What? No, I mean…” The fox gestured to the surrounding area. “Here. Specifically. In, ya know… the Red Light District?” “What do you mean?” He was about to answer… but, then, he noticed something. The surrounding area really didn’t look much like a “Red Light District,” to him… It wasn’t dirty… there weren’t any adult novelty shops in the area… and, aside from the fact it looked hand-drawn… it just looked like your average block in any given metropolis. It was almost like a smaller version of Muramasa City, back home, in a way.

“Wait…” The fox gave a blink. “We went south, right?” “You mean ‘southeast?’” Lola tilted her head. “I think we went mostly south, though!” “Uh… Well, anyway, isn’t this the Red Light District of ToonTown…?” “What’s a ‘Red Light District?’” she asked with a curious glance. “Wait, what?” Joseph tilted his head in confusion. “It’s… ya know… where all the bad ‘toons go… Isn’t it?” “I dunno about that! I mean, some ‘toons aren’t bad! They’re just drawn that way!” He gave another blink. There was something funny about Lola, who was a rabbit, quoting a character named “Jessica Rabbit…”

“Anyway,” she continued, “don’t they call this the ‘Fox District?’” “Fox…?” Joseph’s ears twitched, his brain processing that name a little differently than Lola had intended. “Ya know! 21st Century Fox! Like this one!” She gave the fox a slight shake before giving him a bright smile. “But, more… corporate! Like this!” Joseph found himself suddenly enveloped in a whirlwind. A few seconds later, Lola stood nearby, with a large mirror in her hands. When the fox turned to look at the mirror, he noticed his appearance had changed… He was wearing a blue business suit, red tie, and what looked like a toupée on his head that, he thought, resembled radioactive road-kill. He also had some weird, spongy material on his eyes, for some reason…

“I’m familiar with ‘20th Century Fox,’” he said as he casually ripped the ‘toon suit off, revealing his normal clothes, underneath. “I guess they would be ‘21st Century Fox’ these days, though…” “For the last sixteen years!” Lola commented in a chipper tone as she watched Joseph toss the suit and hairpiece in a nearby prop recycle bin. “Where’ve you been?” “I’m an ‘alien,’ remember?” Joseph chuckled before crossing his arms, a thoughtful look coming to his face. “So, huh… There’s five districts, of ToonTown… Well, five specifically-named districts, I mean. I’d always known the Fox District as the ‘Red Light District.’ That’s what Woody told me it was called, anyway.” “Well, now you know!” She gave a cheerful smile. “Now, let’s go skating!”

With the brief history lesson out of the way, Lola finally led Joseph inside the skating rink… and, it became painfully clear that Joseph had never skated a day in his life, given how bad he was at it. But, he was trying and, even with the rabbit skating circles, rhombuses, and other fancy shapes around him… he seemed to be having a lot of fun. “Do you want me to teach you how to skate?” Lola asked on one pass as she watched the fox fall on his tail. “It’s really easy, once you know how! “Maybe, some other time…” he said with a chuckle. “I’m just trying to get the basics down, right now.” “Well, if you change your mind…” And, with that, she slid backward and did a fancy pirouette, followed by a graceful hop, much to Joseph’s, as well as others’, enjoyment. He had to admit… she looked pretty good, as she glided across the ice…

While the two were still in the Fox District, Joseph decided to treat Lola to a movie. He was a little surprised when she’d picked something he was sure would be violent and gory… but, when she’d explained she always found the CGI special effects to be hilarious, he understood exactly what she’d meant, and the two went on in.

Much to their amusement, the movie – some story about a war Joseph had never heard of – provided some of the most cheesy, unconvincing special effects that the fox could remember seeing, in some time. It was almost enough to make him laugh… and, unfortunately, more than enough to make Lola laugh… very loudly and very frequently! It wasn’t long before the ushers intervened, physically throwing Lola out of the theater building.

“See if I ever spend money on snacks, here, again!” Lola shouted from the seated position on the curb where she’d landed. She looked and sounded angry, shaking one fist while the other held onto a large cup of soda… which she loudly slurped, a moment later. “I don’t think they really care,” was Joseph’s reply as he calmly walked out from the theater with his hands in his pockets. “Why did they get so mad, anyway?” she asked as she accepted Joseph’s hand up. “All I did was laugh!” “You were laughing during a part that was supposed to be sad,” was the fox’s explanation. “That guy’d just watched his best friend’s head explode.” “I knooow!” she laughed as she got back up. “That low-quality CGI was hilaaarious!” “Yes.” He gave a grin. “Yes, it was.”

Joseph glanced at his watch after the movie fiasco. It was getting close to dinner time… When he’d made the offer to take Lola out, she quickly turned it around on him, deciding she should treat him, instead! He decided to let her, not being one to turn down a free meal, and the two soon headed back to the central part of ToonTown.

To the fox’s surprise, Lola had ended up taking him to some place that was well within even his budget… as well as hers, he assumed – McDonald’s. He also wasn’t too surprised when she ordered a Happy Meal, instead of something from the normal menu. “I’m this close to completing my collection!” she said as she unwrapped her toy. “All I need is those last two and I’ll have all of this month’s toys!” “You know…” Joseph said after finishing a bite of his double cheeseburger, “you could probably just ask them for the toys you’re missing.” Lola gave a blank stare, at the suggestion. “But, then I wouldn’t get my choice of apple slices or Go-Gurt! It’s the yogurt you eat with your hands, not with a spoon!” “I’m pretty sure you could just ask for either/or along with the toy.” “But, look!” Lola brought up the little paper box housing her meal. “It comes in this neat little box with a smile! Does your burger wrapper have a smile on it?” Joseph gave a blink. “I don’t think so!” With that, the discussion was closed… at least, as far as Lola was concerned. The fox couldn’t help but be amused by how strongly she’d defended her position on the matter, too. She really is a funny girl… he thought with another bite of his burger.

Joseph and Lola left the McDonald’s in high spirits, the latter playing with her newest possession and the former sipping on a soda. “I had a lot of fun today,” he said as he leaned against a nearby bus stop. “I kind of wish it didn’t have to end… but, as always, I have work tomorrow, so I should probably head home.” “Really?” The bunny rolled her glove up, revealing a colorful children’s wrist-watch. “But, it’s only 7:33 and 19 seconds. No, 20 seconds. 21. 22. 23. 24…” “Well, ya know…” he said with a shrug, watching the bus pull up a moment later. “I should probably wash up, then wind-down, before I get a good night’s sleep. I’ll see ya later.” “32… 33… 34…” she continued, seeming oblivious to the fox. “Lola? Lo– ah, whatever… Goofball… heh.”

Joseph took a seat facing the curb, immediately looking out the window to his friend. Unsurprisingly, she was still counting the seconds on her watch… She’s a funny girl… he thought as the bus pulled into motion. But, an awesome one, too. A moment later, he was on his way home.

The rest of Joseph’s evening consisted of a shower followed by Internet videos and a light snack. By bedtime, he was feeling pretty tired… though, still pretty cheerful. It kind of sucks that I have work, tomorrow, he thought as he brushed his teeth, but, I guess someone has to pick up the slack, while Woody’s on vacation! I still can’t believe that’s what he was doing with all that overtime money! Oh, man, the look on Winnie’s face when he showed her those cruise tickets… He spit into the sink before grinning to himself. And, the look on his face when she tore into him for being so secretive and making her think something was wrong, in the first place! The fox swished a bit of water in his mouth, mentally chuckling from the memory. What a weird misunderstanding… and, what a happy ending! I hope they’re having fun.

With his mouth clean and other bathroom activities finished, Joseph drank one more glass of water and headed out, passing through the main room and into the bedroom. He gave a tired yawn and stretched as he slipped out of his t-shirt and lounge pants, then he slipped into the bed. It had been a fun but tiring day, for him, and he was ready for some well-earned sleep.

It’s really warm, tonight, he thought as he shuffled in his bedspread. It’s almost like there’s a heater, here, blowing warm air on me… He gave a squirm, reaching back to rub himself… but, he made contact with something, a little further back… something that didn’t feel like his neck. It felt softer… smoother… except for one particular area, where he was rubbing his thumb, anyway. “Ha-choo!” Joseph gave a startled wince, as he felt something wet splatter against his neck and hand. “Eaugh…!” was his knee-jerk utterance. “Sorry,” called a feminine voice prior to the sound of a sniffle. All-at-once, Joseph knew a certain someone was in his bed… just like they had been, earlier that morning.

“Lola,” he blankly said as he turned to face her. “It’s ‘later!’” was her grinning reply. “What are you even doing here? And, why are you in my bed again?” “Well, you said, ‘See you later,’” she explained, “so, I waited until it was later!” “Generally, when someone says that… they mean the next day, or… well… later.” “Well, that’s dumb!” she countered, crossing her arms under the sheets. “If you meant tomorrow, then you should have said ‘See you tomorrow!’” He really couldn’t argue with that kind of logic… nor, did he really want to. It was 10 PM… and, he was tired.

“What are you doing here?” he asked again, having been ignored the first time. “I wanted to see you, again!” she brightly answered. “We had such a good day and you said you wished it didn’t have to end, so I asked myself, ‘Lola, why does it have to end?’ So, when I remembered you saying ‘see you later’ and combined it with ‘I wish it didn’t have to end,’ I put the puzzle pieces together and figured it out!” There was a pause before she finished her thought. “You were inviting me to a sleep-over! And, that’s why you said ‘see you later,’ instead of ‘see you tomorrow!’ So, I came over as soon as it was ‘later!’ But, I guess I came in early, because you were still in the bathroom… so, I decided to wait in your bed, again!” “O… kay,” Joseph said, “but, why in my bed?” “Silly Mr. Fox!” She gave a grin in the dark. “If this is a sleep-over, it wouldn’t make much sense for me to be anywhere else! A bed is where you sleep, after all!” The fox gave a grumble, then a sigh, and then rolled back over, closing his eyes. He was really in no mindset to argue with Lola… and, really, he didn’t see any harm in her being there, if all she wanted to do was sleep, anyway.

“You’re welcome to stay in the bed,” he told her, “but, only if you actually sleep.” Joseph waited for a response. However, none came. “Lola? Did you hear me?” Again, the ‘toon rabbit said nothing. “Lola…” The fox rolled back toward her. “I said–” But, as he looked at her in the dim light of his darkened room, he noticed… “Oh.” She was already asleep. At least, that’s what it looked like. Somehow, he wasn’t entirely convinced she’d fallen asleep so quickly, given how perky she’d sounded… so, he decided to keep an eye on her, for a short while. As she lay there, softly breathing through her mouth and keeping her eyes closed, however, he slowly became convinced that she really was asleep. As he watched her, though, he also found himself thinking… She’s sure cute, when she sleeps. But… she looks cute, just about any other time, too. He warmly smiled, giving her cheek a gentle brush with his hand. That caused the rabbit to squirm and wave him away before rolling toward the wall. He had to fight the urge to laugh. It was such an adorable reaction…

“Good night, Lola…” he whispered, turning back over and settling in for the night. It didn’t take long after that for the consciousness to escape his own body, leaving him sound asleep beside her. –––––

Two sets of lips touched for the millionth time as Joseph held his partner close, basking in her warmth and reveling in her noises. She shyly squirmed in his arms as his hands coursed over her body, tenderly touching every soft curve. His lover trembled with his every touch…

“You’re so beautiful…” the fox whispered as he touched her, again, causing a shudder and a moan. “Especially when you’re in my arms, like this…” “P… please, don’t say such things…” the familiar voice of his lover shyly whispered. “I can’t help it…” he replied with a soft grin. “Every time I feel you tremble… every time I listen to your little gasps… every time I hear you call my name…” He gave a shiver of his own. “It fills me with such excitement…” The fox watched his lovely prey’s face brighten… “You’re even more beautiful when you blush… Winnie…” “I’m still not Winnie,” she replied with a grin. “But, um… you can keep doing what you’re doing, if you want…” The fox perked. “I kind of like it…”

Within moments, the illusion of his dreams vanished from Joseph’s eyes. The heavenly place where he’d previously held his best friend’s girlfriend was replaced by the familiar darkness of the apartment bedroom. However, the warmth in his arms remained real… Then… “Oh, Ash damn it…” Lola turned her head toward the cursing fox, giving him a hug with her back to his front. He may have been upset… but, she certainly didn’t seem bothered, by his misdirected affections… “You were having another Winnie dream,” she commented. “Do you have a lot of those… or, just when you have someone in your bed?” He blushed in the darkness, embarrassed by his dreaming brain’s antics… then, he gave a sigh before snuggling up against the rabbit’s backside, closing his eyes with his head against hers.

“Wanna talk about it, Jojo?” she offered. “Not really. Not much to talk about, anyway…” He gave the bunny a friendly nuzzle. “She’s just… really cool. And, cute.” He paused before lowering his voice. “And, sexy…” “You have a pretty strange idea of ‘sexy!’” was Lola’s response. “Says the lady who has a crush on a ‘wittle gway wabbit,’” was his teasing reply. “That’s the worst ‘Elmer Fudd’ I’ve ever heard!” she laughed. The two then settled back into silence for a little while longer…

“Hey, Lola?” “Yeeeees?” she cheerfully answered. “Can I ask you something?” “You just did, silly!” The fox rolled his eyes before continuing.

“How come you don’t seem to mind when I, um…” His ears folded back. “Use you as a ‘Winnie analog…?’ I mean, I’ve only done it twice, now, but…” The fox gave a blink as he felt her arms pull his a little tighter around her small frame. “Everyone needs someone to love,” she simply said. “If I can be that person for someone… then, I say, ‘Why not?’” The fox’s pulse heightened at that answer, his body tensing… It was such an easy answer, he had a hard time believing it was true. “Are you sure that’s the only reason?” he decidedly pressed. “Everyone needs someone to love, sometimes…” she repeated before going silent. “Even you?” Joseph asked a moment later. Again, silence filled the room… “Don’t worry about that,” she answered, after a while. “Just, enjoy yourself, Mr. Fox…” There was another long pause where neither of them did or said anything. Eventually, though… Joseph leaned in and gave her a startling kiss on the cheek. “W… what was that for?” she asked, reaching up and touching where he’d kissed. “Don’t worry about that…” he whispered into her ear. “Just… enjoy yourself…”

Lola gave a slight squirm as she felt the fox starting to nibble at her neck and shoulder. She kept perfectly quiet, aside from the occasional gasp, completely happy to let him do whatever he’d wanted, to her… When he’d started to kiss her neck, again, she tilted her head up, allowing him to gently peck and nip at her throat. The rabbit was feeling an odd mix of sensations as Joseph’s actions continued. On the one hand, every nip and kiss… every lick and nibble he gave caused her to shiver… while, at the same time, his gentle caress down her side and over her belly made her feel completely at ease. Sure, he was probably taking advantage of her in some way… but, it seemed like he was taking the time to make sure she was enjoying herself, as well… and, that filled her fast-beating heart with happiness…

Lola gave a light blush as he felt the fox’s soft hands slide upward… For a moment, she assumed he was going to go after her modest chest… When he continued upward, however, she found herself momentarily confused. She could feel him pawing at the collar of her dress, tugging at it… It seemed like he was trying to find something, in the front… or, maybe, on the back – something that simply wasn’t there. “Are you looking for a button?” she casually guessed. The fox paused his actions and she felt him grow tense again… Feeling that made her grin, a little. He knew he’d been caught!

“It’s okay…” she whispered, turning around to give his head a soft little stroke. “This dress doesn’t have any buttons, though… It doesn’t have a zipper, either!” For a moment, the fox debated actually asking how it opened… Before he could even convince himself not to, though, he felt the rabbit shift and squirm in his arms. His embrace eased and eventually released as she pulled away. A moment later, he heard some fabric rustle… then, he saw something that caused his heart to skip a beat! “It’s a pull-over!” she proudly proclaimed, holding the garment in one hand, brightly smiling as she faced the fox. “I just pull it over my head, pop my arms in the holes, and presto! I’m ready for a night on the town! Or, a day! Whichever!”

The fox had become tense, all over again. He could see that Lola was keeping herself covered with his bed sheet… but, the thought that she had removed her sole garment right in front of him was kind of… exciting, in a way. Maybe, a little… too exciting… As far as he knew, she wasn’t wearing anything but a smile, then. Well… and, probably some kind of underwear… Preferably, some sort of cute underwear, he found himself thinking…

“Anyway!” she said, casually tossing the garment on the floor beside them. “That’s how I do that! Brrr… Did it just get chillier, in here?” The bunny tugged at the bed sheets, snuggling into them a little tighter as she continued to smile over to her bedmate. “This room must be terrible, during the winter!” “I… it’s… a-actually not so bad…” the fox said, trying to start a conversation. “Woody k-keeps a little space heater in the closet and…” “Say, that reminds me!” The rabbit sat up slightly. For a moment, Joseph thought she would lose the sheet… but, she seemed to be completely aware of where it lay on her body, at all times as she had no problem keeping herself covered herself, from the chest down.

“How does the sleeping arrangement work, around here?” she continued. “I’ve seen Woody, in here, a lot… but, I’ve seen you, in here, too! Do you guys swap around, a lot? Have you ever shared the bed? What do you like more: The bed or the couch? Which does he like?” “Uuh…” Joseph’s ears perked, a look of mild confusion on his face. “We… swap out, once-in-a-while. Or, like… if he’s had a really hard day at work, I might just give him the bed. Sometimes, he does the same thing for me, even though he gets home later and works longer…” “I see, I see!” she said with a nod. “Honestly… I’m pretty good with the couch or the bed but I think Woody prefers the bed. The mattress is a little more firm and there’s a lot more room.” “Room enough for two people!” she cheerfully added. “Maybe, even more!” “Heh. Ye–” The fox tensed, again. Those questions had done a good job of distracting him… but, when she’d made mention of how many people she thought would fit in the bed, he was suddenly reminded of the fact that she was there and, more specifically, that she was not wearing much of anything, other than the sheets.

“I had a roommate, once!” Lola commented. “Porky and I– oh! Do you know who Porky Pig is?” He gave a stiff nod… “Great! Well, anyway, Porky and I went to this con, over on the east coast, and we had to share a room, together. I wanted to watch movies with him between con days but he always passed and headed into the bathroom… I dunno why! All he ever did in there was sleep or shower! I guess he liked sleeping in the tub! Maybe I should have offered him the bed, though… But, it seemed like it never came up! He was almost always in the bathtub or somewhere in the con… Have you ever had a roommate? Before Woody, I mean! Roommates are great, if you have a great roommate! But, sometimes, they’re not so great. Like, this one time…”

And, before the fox knew it… he was listening to Lola ramble.

#fiction #Jojo and Lolo #commercial characters #The Looney Tunes Show #Lola Bunny #The Woody Woodpecker Show #Winnie Woodpecker #Essence of Ragnarok #Joseph Lithius #comedy #slice of life #romance #drama

0 notes

josephstoontown · 7 years

Text

That’s Comedy!

A Joseph's ToonTown story.

Another part of the ongoing Joseph/Winnie sub-plot thing that never seems to end because my unconscious (yes, that's what I meant) brain refuses to let it do so. Waugh. Ironically, this story isn't very funny. (You'll see.)

Sidenote: This latest revision omits a small section of story that I felt was unnecessary.

Word count: 6,748 – Character count: 39,010 Originally written: December 17th, 2016 Slightly revised: January 16th, 2017 Revised further: August 29th, 2017

Joseph learns a bit more about the nature of 'toons than he'd ever intended to.

Winnie Woodpecker, Woody Woodpecker, The Woody Woodpecker Show, and related characters and properties created by and © Walter Lantz Productions Minerva Mink, Animaniacs, and related characters and properties created by and © Warner Bros. Animation

[ ↶ Prev. Story | ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → | Next Story ↷ ]

“You’re… serious about this?” “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”

It was a pleasant March day in ToonTown. The weather was unseasonably warm and, to Joseph, it seemed like the ideal time to go to an outdoor café with a friend. However, when he’d invited Winnie to share a drink with him, he certainly hadn’t been expecting the news she’d brought along with her.

“I’ve thought about this for the last three months, Joseph,” she explained, “really thought about it… and, without knowing what’s going on, I can only assume that Woody wants to break up but is too much of a coward to tell me.” “So, you’re going to break up with him?” “Exactly!” Joseph paused, his ears flicking as a cool breeze blew through the area. “That might be… the single-dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Winifred.”

The woodpecker blanched at his response. The bluntness of his statement, combined with the frown on his face, and the way his ears were curled back only partway, told her that he’d meant what he said. And, she was not amused. “Excuse me?!” she half-shouted as she stood on her chair. “What did you say?!” Joseph took a moment to look around. Some of the other customers had paused their own activities to stare at the temperamental woodpecker’s actions. But, regardless of whether they were watching or not… he was going to stand his ground on the topic. “I said,” he started, again, “‘that might be the single-dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say.’” Winnie sputtered, flabbergasted. She angrily glared at the fox as he continued.

“Now, I don’t know you to be one to say dumb things very often… so, it had to have been pretty damn stupid to make me think that,” he explained. “At least, to my way of thinking.” “Well, to my way of thinking, you’re the stupid one!” she said, pointing at him. “Okay…” The fox gestured back with one hand. “That might be the second-dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” The woodpecker growled, stomping on the chair. “Shut up!” “That wasn’t nearly as dumb,” Joseph said with a grin, “but, pouting won’t get you anywhere, with me… much less your situation.” Winnie threw her hands in the air, then, audibly venting her frustration. “I wouldn’t even be considering it if you’d just done your darn job in the first place!” “Hey, I told you… I tried.” He took a sip of his cold coffee drink. “Numerous times. But, I’m not about to rifle through my roomie’s stuff while he sleeps just because of a hunch.” “It was your idea in the first place!!” Joseph opened his mouth to speak… then, he immediately closed it, pausing to think. “You’re right,” he said a moment later. “That may have been one of the dumbest–” “Gah!” Winnie flumped down, her ponytail bouncing and skirt furling as she hit the cushion. “Some help you are…”

“Alright, look… all I’m saying is that, maybe, you’re jumping the gun, here…” Joseph gave a concerned frown, leaning over the table. “I mean… how long have you two been together? Since the 1960s?” “Mid-1950s… and, well… not…” Winnie rubbed her arm, looking down. “It’s– it’s been an off-and-on kind of relationship, to be honest. Not… not frequently, but, over the years. You know what I mean?” “Kinda…” he answered, “but, not really. I know people that break-up sometimes get back together. But, that just makes me wonder… shouldn’t you know Woody well enough by now to know what’s going through his mind or what not? He doesn’t seem that complicated…” “You’d think so…” The woodpecker gave a sigh. “I mean, you really would think that… after working with and being friends with him… and, especially being with the man for half a century off-and-on… that, I’d have a little insight into his birdy brain. But, Woody is… surprisingly complicated, all things considered. I mean, if everything were as simple as you’d made them out to be, don’t you think we would have been living together when you’d arrived?” “Um… Huh…” He hadn’t thought of that…

“Our relationship is pretty casual if I’m being completely honest.” Winnie took a sip from her warm drink. “But, it has to be! We’ve kept pretty busy, since the 1990s…” “When I found him,” Joseph started, “he was unemployed. At least, that’s the impression I got. He also didn’t seem like he cared, that much…” “Well… Woody’s always been good at making-do,” she commented. “If he didn’t have a place to sleep, he’d go to a halfway house. If he was hungry, he’d perform slapstick in the park for a sandwich or enough money for some food. And, if he needed to bathe, well… there’s always the pond or a public shower at the pool. Though, I think the lifeguards frown upon that… One time, he even used the birdbath near that museum! Boy, was that ever a fun day!” Joseph gave a blink. “Wait… Are you saying that he’s…” “A vagabond, basically,” she said with a nod. “Until he met you, I mean. Again, if I’m being honest… you might just have been the kick in the pants Woody needed to get his life back in-order.” The fox gave a blush as he saw Winnie smile. He quickly rubbed his cheek, his ears folding back.

“I just needed a job…” he shyly explained. “It’s not my fault he insisted on tagging along… and, there was no guarantee that outburst would have even worked.” “But, it did!” Winnie cheerfully countered. “And, you two have been gainfully employed, ever since! But, that just leads me back to my original problem…” The fox noticed her grip tighten on her foam coffee cup. “Why in the world is ignoring me? I know he has days off… It’s mandatory, in most jobs! It just seems like every day-off he and I share, he goes and works overtime… Like, today, for example!” Winnie took another sip before continuing. “Today, he’s working 1st shift and 2nd shift at Joe’s! Why does he need so much overtime? Where is that money going? And…” The fox jerked back as Winnie once again aimed her finger his face. “Why haven’t you asked him about it?!”

“I did!” Joseph countered. “Several times! But, every time, he gave me a different answer. ‘Work expenses,’ or he was ‘overdrawn on his bank account,’ and so on…” Winnie perked at that last one. “Bank account?” she repeated. “Woody has a bank account?” “He has a savings and checking account. I mean, one each,” Joseph clarified. “Joe – the owner of the diner – insists on direct transfer so he doesn’t have to worry about whether or not his employees get their checks, twice a month.” The woodpecker looked confused… and, maybe, a little upset. “Wh… why didn’t he tell me he had a bank account…?” “Why… would he?” Joseph asked. “I have a friend who works in banking!” was Winnie’s counter. “She could have gotten him the best interest rate possible, for his savings account!” “Oh.” The fox paused… “Uh… does that offer extend to me? ‘cause my interest rate kinda blows.” “One problem at a time, Joseph.” He briefly gave a frown, at that, watching Winnie sip her drink, again.

“So, you honestly don’t think I should break up with him?” she quietly asked, running her finger around the rim of her cup’s topper. “Of course not,” Joseph immediately replied. “I mean, if you’re not even sure he wants to break up, why risk it?” “Because,” she rebutted, slamming her fist on the table, “I’m getting tired of being left in the dark!” “Yeah, well…” Joseph spoke much more quietly as he said, “Me, too…” That gave Winnie a bit of a pause for thought. “What?” “I’m tired of being left in the dark, too,” he clarified. “Between Woody’s mysterious obsession with work and Shinko’s utter lack of response to my letter, I’m getting more-than-a-little-annoyed.” She gave a blink. “Shinko still hasn’t replied to that letter, from Christmas?” “Bitch took my money and ran…” he spat with some unwarranted hostility. The strong language had thrown Winnie, for a moment… “I think you might be jumping to conclusions…” she offered. “Yeah, I know…” Joseph sighed to himself… “Maybe the letter got lost in the mail or something. Who knows? Who cares? It’s not like I need Shinko in my life.” “And, I don’t need Woody in mine!” Once again, Joseph gave a slight scowl… but, after a moment, he simply sighed, again.

“Here’s to us,” he said as he raised his plastic cup, “a couple of lonely hearts just looking for a little attention from a couple of dummies who don’t know any better.” “Hear, hear, brother!” Winnie laughed, clinking her cup against his own.

As had been the custom on what once was Winnie’s “Satur-date” days, she and Joseph headed to Fred’s Video Shed to see about borrowing a movie to watch. Although Winnie still found herself somewhat unnerved by the tall, balding man… she found that he was considerably more tolerable during normal business hours.

Within the shop, the aroma of marijuana was non-existent, replaced by fresh air or the occasional vanilla scent and he made sure to always have all of the store lights on, making the atmosphere considerably more pleasant. As for Fred, himself… in contrast to the casual outfits he worn in the off hours, he always made sure he was dressed in a clean shirt and pants, as well as wearing a newsboy cap to hide his bald spot. He also kept his long hair tied back, making himself look much more presentable. When dealing with customers, he very rarely did his “Collector voice…” though, he was still happy to offer sizable amounts of trivia and knowledge about the products he was offering. In addition, he was much more courteous and patient, especially with even the pickiest of perusers. And, to Winnie’s dismay… Joseph just happened to be one of those types.

“So, let me get this straight…” Joseph said as he looked at two VHS cassettes. “Both of these movies star Tom Hanks?” “That’s right,” was Fred’s reply. “And… this one’s a comedy?” “Of sorts.” “While this one’s a war drama?” “Very dramatic!” “Huh…” The fox paused to process this information. “Isn’t Tom Hanks known as a funny guy?” Fred gave a nod. “Generally speaking, yes.” “Hmm…” Again, Joseph paused. “He was in Toy Story, right?” “Correct.” “And, wasn’t he in that one movie with the volleyball?” “Cast Away,” Fred said. “Hmm… Dynamic guy, I guess…” Once again, Joseph looked between the two movies…

“Tell you what,” he said as he pointed to the comedy. “We’ll borrow this one, for now… and, I’ll be back for the other one on Woody’s next day off.” “Excellent choice, sir,” Fred commented as he put the war movie back on the shelf. “I can let you have that one for five dollars.” “Five dollars?” Joseph repeated. “Gotta sell some inventory sometimes, Joe.” The man gave a shrug. “Can’t be lending out stuff for free all the time. On the other hand, if you wanted to barter, well…” “I don’t think I have anything you’d want, though.” Fred gave a grin. “You have five dollars, don’t you?” Joseph gave a chuckle. “Well… yeah…” With that, the fox finally completed his transaction with the shopkeeper – much to Winnie’s relief – and, the two were on their way to Woody’s apartment.

“I think you’re going to like this movie, Joseph,” Winnie said as they walked up the stairs of the apartment complex. “It’s kind of sad at some parts… but, it’s pretty amusing, too!” “What, exactly, is this movie about, Winnie?” The fox took a look at the bare cassette in his hand. “The name ‘Big’ doesn’t really give me much to go on…” She gave a mischievous giggle. “I’ll just leave that as a surprise!” “Ah, you rascal…” Soon enough, the two had settled in on the trusty, green couch Woody had found months prior, a bowl of popcorn and some drinks sitting nearby, and started the movie.

As it turned out, Big was a fairly appropriate title, what with the main character making a wish at a fortune-telling machine to be just that; “big.” He got his wish… but, before long, he found that he’d gotten more than he’d bargained for, adulthood being a whirlwind of emotions for him. One scene, in particular, really seemed to get to Winnie, though… “That poor baby…” she said, watching Tom Hanks cower in fear of the big city. He’d just heard gunshots and a horrible scream from outside his New York flop-house window… which was not something anyone wants to hear before they go to sleep, much less a 10-year old boy. “I know, right?” Joseph cuddled Winnie a little closer, rubbing her back. She gave a soft sigh, in response. “I just want to pick him up and tell him everything’s going to be okay…” She paused, looking up at Joseph. “I guess that’s just the ‘mother hen’ in me, though.” He smiled at her. “Heh. You’re such a sweetheart, Winnie…” She smiled back before resting her head against his chest. “I wonder what it would be like, to be a mother…” she quietly mused. “It’s probably not as much fun, as I think.” “Probably not,” the fox chuckled. “But, still… one can always wonder…”

The rest of the movie wasn’t quite as sad as that scene had been. However, it was a little eye-opening. As the main character settled into his daily routine as a data-entry grunt and, later, a major consultant to the toy company he’d worked for, he found life in the big city to be much less scary. By the end of the movie, he was a full-blown adult in a serious relationship, having completely forgotten about his original plan to find the fortune telling machine to go back to his original size and life. It made for a bittersweet ending as he stepped away from being an adult… one with a loving girlfriend and a successful job… but, his girlfriend seemed to understand that it was for the best.

“Everyone deserves to have a childhood…” Joseph thought aloud. “No one should be forced to just… grow up, like that.” “Still…” Winnie smiled up at the fox. “Sometimes… I, for one, wouldn’t mind being a bit bigger. Maybe Woody would pay more attention to me if I were…” “Eh?” Joseph tilted his head. “Is he into tall girls or something?” “Well… I actually meant… you know…” She sat back, making a round motion with her hands over her white-feathered chest. “‘Bigger.’” “Eeehh…?!” Winnie giggled at his confused blush. Eventually, Joseph started to laugh as well.

“I think you’re just fine the way you are, Winnie.” He leaned down, playfully nuzzling her face. “You’re just so cute ‘n cuddly!” “Aww, you’re just saying that!” she giggled, pushing his head away. “Not at all! But, I might be biased…” he said with a grin, pulling her up into his arms. “I kind of have a thing for shorter girls…” “I’m not short!” she protested with a laugh. “You’re just tall!” “Well, I certainly appreciate that sentiment…” He pressed his nose to her beak, looking into her blue eyes with a purr. “But, sweetie… You’re short.” “I am not!” she said, smiling. “I’m a reasonable height for a slapstick ‘toon! Just ask Mickey or Foxy!” “What about Bugs?” he asked, his eyelids lowering. Her own eyelids lowered as she replied with, “Those ears don’t count and you know it.”

“What’s so bad about being short, anyway?” Joseph asked, giving her a quick peck. “Short girls are cute.” “Mmph…” Winnie squirmed in his arms… but, she didn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight, then. “No fair, trying to distract me…” “Distract you?” he asked, giving her another little kiss. “Why, whatever do you mean?” The woodpecker was blushing as she whimpered, trying to squirm out of his embrace… but, again, she wasn’t trying too hard. “You’re trying to distract me– mmph…” she started to say, being cut off by a third kiss. “From my argument…” “And…” A fourth one fell closer to her beak. “What is your argument, exactly?” “That– that I’m not short…” she whispered, beginning to fall prey to the fox’s charms. “You’re just…” “Tall?” he said, giving her the most tender of nibbles on her neck. That action seemed to completely derail Winnie from her thoughts. Her eyes fluttered the rest of the way closed and she squirmed against his body, emitting a soft coo of delight… “So cute…” he whispered as he nibbled on her a little more. “So small…” “Nuh… not small…” she panted, continuing to squirm. “You’re certainly smaller than me…” the fox countered before dragging his tongue from her shoulder to just under her chin. “Ahn…!” The fox perked, leaning back as Winnie shuddered in his arms. He paused his actions, just staring wide-eyed at her as she calmed. He really hadn’t been aware of just what he was doing, then… but, the noise she’d made seemed to snap him out of his… well… lust.

“Uhm…” he started to say. “I uh…” Joseph rubbed the back of his head, looking at the blushing bird as she looked up at him, eyes half-open. She seemed to be a little short of breath, just then… As Winnie continued to look at him with those beautiful, blue eyes, though… he started to feel guilty… She hadn’t told him to stop… but, at the same time, he thought he might have taken things a little further than he’d intended to… He just felt so calm, around her… and, everything felt so… natural…

“Why… did you stop?”

The fox’s eyes opened back up, at that. It was such a simple question… but, at the same time, it almost seemed in direct contrast to those innocent, blue spheres staring up at him… He was at a loss for words.

“Did…” Joseph gave a blink and Winnie shyly looked away, bringing a hand to her chest as she continued to stand on his legs. “Did I do something wrong?” “What?” The fox jolted. “No! No… No-no-no…” “Then… Then, why did you stop?” Joseph could see her blush brighten as she closed her eyes a little more. “It… felt good…”

Once again… Joseph was at a loss for words. Every part of the scenario… every word Winnie had said, since he’d stopped, told him that she wanted him to keep going. But, something was keeping him from doing so. Maybe it was her shy demeanor… Maybe it was her blushing face… Or, maybe… maybe… it was because he knew, in the back of his mind, that he was inadvertently trying to seduce his best friend’s girlfriend… and, succeeding, at that…

“We… we should stop,” he finally said with a sigh. “What?” Winnie was the one to jolt, then, her eyes widening and her head jerking toward his as she excitedly asked, “Why…?” “I just… I don’t…” The fox looked to one side, his ears falling back. “I shouldn’t be doing this.” “But… why?” Joseph closed his eyes. “You know why…” “No, I don’t.” Winnie tilted her head. “I really don’t. Please, tell me?” He opened his eyes, blinking as he turned back toward the bird in his lap. She was staring at him, her eyes full of innocent curiosity and her hands at his chest. He’d almost have believed she really didn’t understand… were it not for the fact he knew she was smarter than that. “Does the term ‘boyfriend’ mean anything to you?” he asked, sounding a little sharper than he’d intended to. “I don’t see a ring on this finger,” she said as she brought her right hand up. “Do you?” “I… what?” The bird gave a soft chuckle, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.” Joseph scowled at that. That was no time for humor…

“If I’m being completely honest…” she started to say as she cuddled up against his chest, “I’m not sure what I want, right now… Your affection felt so nice, though… I… I haven’t felt that sort of touch in such a long time…” She leaned back with a shy smile. “There’s quite a bit of difference between ‘Find the Mistletoe…’ and, this… after all…”

The fox gave another blink as Winnie settled against his chest a second time. His arms gently curled back around her… but, he didn’t make any other movement. Her confession had been just a bit unexpected, to him. “Are… you sure…?” Joseph quietly asked. “Are you sure you want me to keep going?” “No,” was her honest answer. She accompanied that with a tight hug. “But, I’d like it if you did…” Joseph hesitated for several moments, still not entirely sure of what he should do. He really did want to keep going… keep being affectionate… But, the question that continued to plague his mind… that prevented him from doing so… was… “should he?”

The obvious answer was, of course, “no.” Winnie wasn’t his girlfriend, after all. But, for some reason… that logic, alone, wasn’t enough to get him to completely stand down. He had been a little starved for attention for a while… at least, intimate attention… And, it seemed fairly obvious that Winnie had, as well, if her reactions were anything to go by. Would it really be so bad… so wrong… to just give her what she wanted? Just once? “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to…” Winnie softly whispered, interrupting his thoughts. “I’m perfectly content to sit here and cuddle…” That may have been true… but, what Joseph didn’t know was… was he?

“Hey, Winnie…” he finally said, getting her attention. “Yes?” she asked, looking up at him. “Let’s make a deal.” “But, your name isn’t ‘Monty,’” she softly giggled. “I don’t even…” The fox shook his head. “Anyway. Here’s my deal: I’ll keep going… but, only if you’re absolutely sure that’s what you want.” Winnie perked, giving him a warm smile. “Are you sure?” “Only if you are.” The bird hummed, turning her head down with a thoughtful look… “What if…” she quietly said as she looked back up. “What if I said I was sure this is what I wanted… right now?” Joseph looked to one side, his ears folding back. “Right now?” he repeated. Winnie gave a slight nod. “Right now, huh…?” There was a long delay as Joseph mulled over her words in his head…

“If you’re sure that this is what you want right now…” he finally said, turning back to his friend, “then… that’s good enough for me.” Winnie’s face brightened. “However.” She gave a blink, her smile fading and body tensing… “I want you to promise me…” Joseph paused, swallowing… He didn’t want to say it, for selfish reasons, but… “If you change your mind at any point… you have to let me know, right away. None of this ‘I don’t want to spoil his fun’ stuff. Does that sound fair to you?”

Winnie bit her lower beak, pondering his words… She really did want him to keep going, preferably guilt and concern-free… but, if that was the only way Joseph would agree to give her the attention she wanted… “O-okay,” she said after a few moments. “If I feel any sort of guilt… or, start feeling as though I shouldn’t be doing this sort of thing with you… then, I promise, I’ll tell you right away.” “Okay,” was the fox’s simple reply. “Then, that’s that.” Winnie tilted her head, making her short bangs bounce. “Now… I can just focus on this!”

The girl gave a squeak as Joseph immediately pulled her in and started nibbling on her neck, again. It wasn’t nearly as intimate or loving as before… In fact, it was a lot more playful, the fox emitting a lot of fake growls as he nipped and kissed at her feathers. “S-stop…!” she giggled, squirming in his arms again. “That tickles…!” “Does it, now?” he said in a soft tone before continuing his actions. That just caused her to squeal and giggle all the more. “Nnn…! Cut it out…!” “What will you give me if I do?” “Aah…!” She tugged at his arms… but, to no avail. He had a pretty firm hold on her smaller body. “Weeell?” he asked, giving her another little lick. “Ah… ha-hah…! Wuh– what do you want…?” “I waaant…” The fox leaned back with a grin. “A kiss.” Winnie took that moment’s reprieve to catch her breath. Her face was already bright red from laughing so much in such a short time…

“A-a kiss…?” she eventually repeated. “Is that all?” “Yup.” Winnie mulled it over, tilting her head side-to-side and making her bangs bounce, again. “A kiss, huh? Just one?” “Yup.” “Okaaay…” She grinned. “Pucker up.” The fox closed his eyes and did as she’d instructed. A second later, he felt something touch his lips… it didn’t feel like her beak, though… In fact, it felt… and smelled… kind of… rubbery?

Joseph slowly opened… then, widened his eyes! Winnie was standing on the coffee table, her hands holding on to a wooden handle. Said handle was attached to a red toilet plunger… and, said plunger had a firm hold on his muzzle! “Hrnn?!” “Kiss-kiss, dahling!”

Before he could try and remove the plunger head, Winnie gave it a yank! He was shocked when he felt it pull air out of his nose and tug at his lips. When she started pushing and pulling on it, he began to flail, making a series of muffled sounds before finally trying to remove it. After several failed attempts which resulted in him inhaling a lot of rubber-scented air, he finally yanked it off with a loud pop! The resulting counter-force sent him back against the couch and probably would have put him over it, had it not been for the wall behind him.

Joseph panted, flicking his tongue and making quiet, hacking noises, staring down at the floor as he desperately tried to get the taste of plunger out of his mouth. “How was that for a kiss, loverboy?” He looked up as Winnie spoke. She had a wide, mischievous grin on her face and her eyelids were lowered. She knew she’d won that round… or, at least… “Come ‘ere, you!” She thought she had.

The bird leaped up with a half-shriek as Joseph launched himself at her! When he flew over the table and landed in front of the TV table, she gave a loud laugh, landing right back on the table and facing him. “If you were trying to catch me off-guard,” she teased, “then, you shouldn’t have telegraphed yourself, like that!” “Freakin’ toon reaction time…” he grumbled as he rolled on to his back. “And, aren’t you supposed to be the sane one, between you and Woody?” Joseph gave a grunt as Winnie hopped over and sat on his chest. “You could say that, I suppose…” she said, still grinning. “But, I am still a ‘toon – a darn good one at that!” “I’ll have to watch some of your cartoons, sometime,” the fox said as he leaned up on his arms. “See how you compare to your vastly-superior male counterpart and all.” “Excuse me?” Winnie gave a blink. “‘Vastly-superior?’ What’s that supposed to mean?” “Well…” Joseph started, holding up one hand. “For one thing, Woody’s pulled about a hundred tricks like that on me, since we’ve known each other. If I’m not mistaken… that was the first time you’ve ever tried to pull a prank on me, not counting wordplay.” The female scoffed, looking mildly angry. “That’s because I’m not as screwy or spontaneous, as Woody!” she protested. “I can still play pranks with the best of them… but, I’m just more… selective… about my set-up!” The fox grinned. “Suuure you are…” “I’ll show you who’s funny! Just wait until another opportunity presents itself!” “How about right now?” “Right no– ah!” Winnie suddenly found her arms captured by the fox.

“Go on,” Joseph said as he sat up, holding the squirming bird in his hands. “Pull a fast-one on me.” “It… it doesn’t work, like that!” she protested. “Oh?” “I can’t just be funny…” she confessed with a frown. “The opportunity has to be just right… Timing is everything in comedy – especially when it comes from a place you’re not expecting!” “Pfft. If I’d grabbed Woody by the arms, he would have already smooched me and made his escape, by now.” Winnie was about to argue… but, almost immediately, she noticed something. The words Joseph had used, combined with the smart-alecky smirk on his face, told her the fox was trying to get in her head… play her like a fiddle. Too bad for him, she wasn’t about to fall for it.

“I bet you like it when Woody smooches you,” she said with a smirk of her own. “Not especially…” Joseph lowered his head, a grin coming over his own face. “But, I like it when you do.” Winnie gave a blink. She hadn’t expected him to counter her so honestly… “W… well… it’s not funny if you like it!” she said, unwilling to give up. “But, it is adorable… just like you.” She narrowed her eyes. I am not about to be outfoxed, here! she internally mused. Think, Winnie… What can you do or say that would get his goat? All you need is one… good… distraction… And, then, it hit her.

Winnie looked down, fluttering her eyelashes at the fox. “Why, Joseph…” she softly whispered, “are you flirting with me?” “Uh…” The fox blinked, his ears flicking in confusion. That shy smile and soft giggle she’d given seemed to throw him And… that was all the distraction she needed! “Joseph, dear…” she whispered. “U-uh…” The fox was blushing a little as he watched her flutter her eyelashes again. Suddenly, he gave a squeak. Winnie had gotten a hand free when he wasn’t paying attention and pinched his cheek. “If I recall…” she softly cooed, “I still owe you a kiss, don’t I? Well…” He blinked as Winnie leaned in, pursing her beak in an inviting way. His blush intensified and he gave a swallow… For some reason, he went ahead and closed his eyes again, leaning in to kiss the willing bird’s beak…

Splat!

The words that came out of Joseph’s mouth as he felt the familiar sensation of a cream pie impacting his face were not ones that were fit for most network TV. In fact, had he been a ‘toon, it probably would have been complete gibberish or covered by nasty-looking symbols. Regardless, it would have been pretty funny for a viewer. It certainly was for Winnie…

“I can’t believe you fell for that twice!!” she said as she rolled on the floor, laughing as the fox wiped the pie off his face. “You know what?” He gave a snort. “Neither can I.” “Aww, don’t be like that!” Winnie sat up with a smile. “You have to admit, it was a pretty silly thing for you to do! You should have known something was going on, when I started to charm you with my feminine wiles!” “Can’t disagree with that…” The fox sighed. “Need some help cleaning up?” she helpfully offered. “Suuure…” was Joseph’s unenthusiastic reply. Winnie immediately leaned back, hopping up on to her feet. She walked over to the fox and ran a finger down his cheek before popping it into her mouth a second later. “Mmm! Coconut cream!” She grinned, her words turning low as she added, “My favorite…” “U-uhm…” He watched the bird draw closer. Before he could say anything coherent, he felt something warm and wet gently brush against his cheek. Then… his entire face became obscured!

He once again found himself flailing as Winnie roughly wiped him clean with a wet cloth. When she removed it, however, he could see her snickering, barely able to keep herself from bursting into laughter a second time. “Do… I dare ask?” Joseph said after a long delay. “Nn…! Here!” Winnie snickered, drawing a large, round mirror from her skirt pocket and Joseph could immediately see what was so funny… The cloth had ruffled the fur on his face in a way that made it stick out in all sorts of odd directions.

“You know…” Joseph said, sounding dejected, “I shouldn’t be surprised.” “It’s not… snrk… that bad!” Winnie half-giggled. “It can be fixed!” Joseph just grumbled at that… “Here, let me help…” Winnie drew close again. By then, Joseph was expecting another ridiculous toon prop to come into play. However, she instead drew a normal-sized brush from her pocket and began calmly stroking out his matted facial fur. It seemed like she was done messing with the fox… and, honestly… the brushing felt pretty good, too.

“Gotta say…” Joseph said with closed eyes and a purr, “I was expecting more mayhem.” “I probably could have kept going…” Winnie admitted as she straightened his fur, “but, I could tell you weren’t having as much fun as I was. Plus, it’s just us, after all. No one’s watching.” “It wouldn’t surprise me if someone was, though…” The fox opened one eye to look at the bird. “ToonTown is full of surprises.”

“There,” Winnie said after a couple of minutes. “Pretty as a picture!” Joseph was once again directed to the oversized pocket mirror. As soon as he realized what he was looking at, however… “You just can’t help yourself,” the fox said as he looked at Winnie. “Can you?” “Whooo?” Winnie replied with mock-innocence. “Meee?” The fox immediately set to work removing the pink bows from the fluff of his cheeks, much to the amusement of his friend.

“Are you done?” he sharply asked a short while later, clearly running low on patience. “Did you get it all out of your system?” Winnie jerked at the fox’s harsh tone. One hand began to rub her arm and she looked down, tapping a toe against the apartment carpet. “I… I’m a ‘toon,” she offered as an explanation. “Rule of Funny dictates that–” “I don’t care if the ‘Rule of Funny’ dictates you go jump off a freaking cliff!” “It… it might, depending on–” “Enough is enough!” he interrupted, starting to half-shout. “I’m done being the victim to your stupid ‘comedy routine!’ It’s not funny!”

Winnie looked up at the fox with wide eyes. She looked absolutely… shocked! Joseph had never yelled at her before… That alone was enough to give her pause… but, the words he’d used… Those were one of the last things a slapstick ‘toon like her ever wanted to hear.

“I… it’s not?” she meekly asked. “No!” he assured her as he got to his feet. “And, neither are you! You’re just… just being a pest… like Woody always is! I thought you were better than that, Winifred!” “You d-don’t think I’m funny…?” she asked, still sounding somewhat quiet. “I already told you… no, I don’t!” “I… I’m not funny…?” Joseph gave a frustrated groan, letting his temper slip further. “How many damn times do I have to tell you? No, you are not funny, Winifred Woodpecker! You are annoying, you are abrasive, and you are just generally–” “You don’t know what funny is…” The fox gave a blink of his angry eyes. Winnie’s voice, although barely above a normal speaking tone, had derailed him again.

“Excuse me?” he started. “I don’t know what–” But, again, he stopped in mid-thought. Not because of what Winnie had said, however… but, because of the look she was giving him. She stood there with her legs apart, fists clenched and pointed at the ground as she stared up at the fox, a horrible scowl on her face, eyes full of tears… Angry ones.

“You don’t know what funny is, Mister Joseph Lithius!” she shouted, clenching her eyes shut. “You wouldn’t even know ‘funny’ if it came up and bit you on the bottom! Just because you can’t take a joke doesn’t mean I’m not funny! It means you… you…!” She paused, seemingly trying to find the right words…

“It means you don’t know the first thing about slapstick comedy!” she started again. “Even the most basic ‘toon can appreciate a good pie or cleaning gag! But, you? Nooo, you’re too good to be on the receiving end of one, aren’t you? You’re too proud to let your hair down and be a part of timeless comedy routines, huh? And, here, I thought you could take a joke… Well, I guess I thought wrong, didn’t I?”

As Winnie paused again, Joseph noticed just how much disdain she for him, at that time. Her normal, beautiful, blue eyes had turned overtly hostile, the hatred of a thousand hurt feelings coursing through her and aimed exclusively at him. There was no compassion… no mercy to be found in her right then-and-there… She wanted to rip him asunder for the – as she saw it – cruel and unforgivable things he’d told her.

“I never want to see you ever again!!” she shouted as she stormed over to the door. When she reached for the doorknob, she turned to the fox, not quite done with him yet… “And, I hope that, for your sake,” she snarled, “Shinko never learns just what sort of horrible person you truly are, you stodgy jackanape!”

Winnie opened the door and left without a word more, slamming it on the way out and leaving the fox standing there, stunned into silence. And… there he stood, for some time after, his body having numbed and failing to respond to even the most basic of mental requests. –––––

“So!!”

Joseph jumped, startled out of his seat as Woody came barging into the apartment. The fox stared up from his new position on the floor, fur bristling and ears perked.

“Now I see what’s really been goin’ on ‘round here!” Woody said as he closed in on the startled fox. “Wh-what…?” “I don’t how I could be so blind!” the woodpecker half-shouted as he leveled a gloved finger to the fox. “All this time I been workin’ at Joe’s Diner, you’ve been goin’ after my gal!” “Wh– wha– whaa…?” Joseph, confused and intimidated by the angry woodpecker, started to crawl back, trying to get away. However, Woody had no problem keeping pace with the cowering fox, his finger staying aimed right at his face as he continued to shout.

“Thought you could just mess with her head, did’ja?!” Woody rhetorically demanded. “Thought I’d never find out, did’ja?! Weeell… my gal is true-blue, Bucko! She told me all the horrible, nasty things you said to her!” “What… did… I…?” “Do you even know how bad you hurt her?! Do you?!” Unsure of how to reply, the fox just gave a confused whimper. “Winnie’s a sensitive kinda gal…” he calmly said as he looked away, bringing his hands together under his head. “When she gets close t’ someone, it’s real easy fer ‘em t’ mess her up good. But, you…!”

Once again, Woody pressed the fox, pointing and approaching him. “What you did went waaay beyond just messin’ her up! You broke her heart!!” “I… I…!” was all the fox could say. “Yeah! You! S’always about you, ain’t it?!” “N… no…! I…” “Yeah, you! As in, ‘you get outta my sight and outta my apartment!’ Now!!”

Before the fox could even try and defend himself, the woodpecker had somehow managed to grab him by the shirt and carry him to the door. Without any hesitation at all, he hurled the fox across the hall and into the opposing wall. Then, just to add insult-to-injury… he threw the fox’s backpack at his face which, upon impact, spat all of his clothes into the hallway! “And stay out!!” Woody shouted before slamming the door behind him.

There was a long, awkward pause as the tenants of apartments 3A and 3B poked their heads out at the commotion. Joseph sat there, upside-down and on his shoulders, in the third-story hall of his apartment complex, covered in the various meager articles of clothing he’d managed to gather during his time in California. As he did, though, a single, powerful thought entered his mind… which he immediately vocalized…

“What… The… Nether below… Just happened…?!”

#commercial characters #The Woody Woodpecker Show #Winnie Woodpecker #Woody Woodpecker #Animaniacs #Minerva Mink #original characters #Essence of Ragnarok #Joseph Lithius #slice of life #drama #comedy #romance

0 notes