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zurilux · 4 years

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Vent session 4/26/20

A couple things. First, the not so serious.

I’ve been living with my parents for a little over a year now since the second year of my boyfriend’s ST program basically makes it impossible to work while doing the program. We decided to move our in with our parents to save money (especially since there’s no way I could support us and our two dogs on my own.) My parents are fine. They’re not perfect but they’re fine. I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older though just how different I am from a lot of my family. My parents are definitely products of their time. They dont believe in therapy. I go to therapy. I’ve gone to therapy since I was a freshman in college (When I could go without them paying for it/knowing about it) I’ve recently started Trauma counseling, trying EMDR to process past traumas and maybe stop some of my more toxic/ bad habits and the cycle of abuse. (my current relationship isn’t abusive but I’m scared that I may make it toxic because thats really all i’ve known or if it fails I’ll go back to the cycle)

I myself have had quite a few traumatic events happen in my life. In the last few years I’ve become pretty open about my mental health, hoping that it might help others (so no one will feel the way I felt, like I was alone etc) I think a lot of my family would benefit from therapy, as now that I am so open, sometimes my family will share their stories. My parents, like I said don’t believe in therapy, and now they also believe they are too old to be fixed. Especially my mom. Which, for me, is really saddening. My mom, when overwhelmed, will hit herself in the head. Which can make it hard to talk to her about anything serious because she also takes a lot of things super personally (and I cant blame her for that. I’m sensitive AF) and it sucks that she feels she, or her inner peace, is worth it at this point. I’ve found a lot of my family just doesn’t really seem to want to better themselves and would rather just say “This is how I am, take it or leave it”

It’s exhausting to be around people who are in that sort of mindset when you’re working very hard to be better. Trying to be happy, get my anxiety/depression/PTSD under control, process traumas....

Also. some of my traumas happened in the house, or when I was teen living here. SO, sometimes just being in this house is a struggle. Being back in this room where my ex-wife tried to kick me out and pushed me to a breaking point. Being in this room where I found out my ex-wife kissed someone else while they were deployed and decided they didnt want to be with me anymore. Being in this house where I broke down shattered, screaming and crying for the world to stop spinning, and my ex-wife yelled at me, belittled me, harassed me so much over the phone I had to get my parents involved so she wouldnt speak to me again. In this house where I had to hide so much of myself, had to pretend so many things didnt happen....Its really hard being here. especially in this time of super stress, being in Quarantine and a Pandemic due to COVID-19.

and to add on top of that, my mother has started trying to inch me out. My grandma is supposed to move in when I move out. I guess my grandma is hounding her, so in turn, she’s hounding me. Even after I have explained that COVID has messed with my boyfriends program, and my planned summer vacation. Originally he was supposed to be done in June, and we had a FL trip planned in Sept, so we’d move out after our FL trip, to save money, and hopefully not stress the dogs out. (moving to a new place and then all of a sudden your parents are gone for 8 days might be a little much for our pups). Depending on when he started, and how much money I saved, and if my coworker would be moving in with us we could possibly move in August, gives the dogs a month to adjust to their new surroundings before we would move. BUT, now....he may have to do a summer term, to make up for the lack of ST time in ORs at different hospitals, which means he wouldn’t start working in June, he may, depending on how they do their summer term, not be done with his program till July or August...and obviously he needs to work, for at least a month or two before we could move. also, we don’t know if we’ll be able to travel to FL in September, THere isnt really a point in going if Disneyworld and Universal aren’t open/fully functioning. soooo....a lot is up in the air. The added stress of my mom constantly asking when I’ll be moving out is not helping my stress level at all. It’s irking me more than I thought. I didn’t want to admit quite how much it bothers me. oi.

Secondly,

probably a month ago now...or a couple weeks I’m not sure (time is hard right now ya’ll) our dogs started fighting. Very suddenly. We’ve had Carbon since September 2018. Frank (Jake’s dog) and Carbon have never fought till this point. I’m not sure what changed because they both have lived with me (Frank and one of Jake’s parents’ dog dont get along, so he had to live with me) the entire time I’ve lived at my parents house...It seemed like we were making progress, we were able to have them out in the same room without any trouble for a few days recently. (previously we had been crating one, and switching them out about every 4 hours if we were both home) They do fine on walks together. they seemed to be doing okay, but then another fight happened a day or two ago...Jake’s suggestion is to remain living separate. I’ll move in with my co-worker, he’ll either move out on his own or with a roommate with Frank.

to backtrack, Carbon is a almost 2 year old pit/lab mix. He was a rescue, I got him when he was 5 months old. He’s fairly mellow for his age, but he is 2, he’s young and playful. Frank is a 6/7 year old potato dog (he’s short, a little long and has a round/barrelesque body, supposedly a chihuahua, pug, staffy mix. He isn’t fat either, its solid mass. He’s older and grumpy. so maybe he just snapped at Carbon’s youthful shenanigans. They both are very much daddy’s boys. they may have fought over his attention (now that they see him more, he has been basically quarantining at my house ) it’s kind of impossible to know.

I don’t like the idea of living apart. I’m needy. Plus, for a majority of our relationship we have lived together already. Jake is not only my boyfriend but also my bestfriend. I’m very physically affectionate, and Jake kind of sucks at texting...Also, I’m worried that our schedules wont line up. I work M-Thurs 6:30 am to 5pm. his ST schedule could have him working 12 hour days, he could have to work on my days off. having him spend the night once a week is not enough for me, if I can help it, most of this year that’s all I’ve been getting and its been awful (Quarantine has changed that but, thats special circumstances) We already were only supposed to live apart while he was finishing his program, and now we may need to live apart another year...or more...for the rest of Frank’s life, unless Carbon passes suddenly I guess...thats a long time. I get that he doesnt want to crate them “forever” if we lived together. and if we wanted to go on a trip, we’d need specific people to help us, to be sure no fights ensued or whatever, if someone gets bit...it’s over. I understand that...it might not be fair to “crate and rotate” them for however long we need to and neither of us is giving up their dog....I thought maybe if we could get a big enough space maybe it wouldnt be so bad. we could kind of section them off away from each other...(this past year its been me and the 2 dogs in like maaaaaybe 500sq ft) but finding that might be difficult in our price range...especially since we’ll be renting and probably moving to Portland (which is expensive) it’s causing a lot of stress for me...my anxiety is causing me to overthink. Like. is this somehow a sign that we shouldnt be together? He and I got together before i was even officially divorced (granted he was supposed to just be a confidence boost, not actually a legit relationship..but we fucked up and fell in love) and he has broken up with twice over our three years...the second time really wasnt necessary because he was trying to take care of me, to not cause me to be miserable during his second year of school when he knew I wouldnt be able to see him much and that I am needy, but we ended up doing what I had suggested...which is what we are doing now..being together but living apart. sigh. I don’t know. It’s a lot going on right now. I’m not a fan....everything is super stressful as is...and now all this too...oi oi oi. sigh. it’ll work out somehow...right?

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getallemeralds · 7 years

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5-11 for uh.. whoever comes to mind first i guess??

okay so! that’ll be genetGenesis (denlocked summer) and pat screaming about Yuta Asahina and Pat Sprigs again

5. which characters from ur canon were u close to?

GG: labtechTransfiguration, aka Cazwell! i mean shes my best friend outside of den too but in den she was the session leader and i was the only person she lowered her guard around i think? WHICH MADE GLITCHDARK A LOT WORSE ON MY END HECK. also our heart player, whos handle i forgot gah!! OH HOLY SHIT I FOUND A POUNCEGREET LOG jovialVisionary!! oh god all of this is terrible actually. also Rox who had a totally different handle that i dont remember right now

yuta: KOMARU!!! HOLLERS. KO MA RU also i think a couple other people but KOMARU,,,, and aoi. duh

sprigs: [will smith pose @ geo]

6. name something from ur canon u didn’t/don’t like

GG: FUCK! ID! FUCK HIM!!! HES BAD AND I HATE HIM? also ooc i just. really dont like denlocked v1? its really bad. but it’s the only copy of denlocked that still exists on the internet now that the forums are down. if someone finds a backup of the december 21 denlocked ill cry??? in a good way???? all the art is probably gone but just sOMETHING

yuta: 8|;; there is a lot of things i dont like abt dr

sprigs: WHY WASNT I IN STAR FORCE THREEEEEEEE

7. name something from ur canon u like

GG: i like that i exist? I ALSO LIKE THAT DENLOCKED KEPT GETTING DISCONTINUED BEFORE ID GET PROPERLY INTRODUCED OMFG. like thats actually really funny? Mystery Character

yuta: uhhh i think dr:ae’s gameplay is cool? i wonder if i got a megaphone gun post-explosion. that would be sweet

sprigs: even if its not game/anime canon, i still like being friends with sonia. my feelings about her are? complicated? but we ended up friends for sure

8. if u could meet anyone from ur canon now, who would it be?

GG: JV, maybe? THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE WEIRD THOUGH… also i wonder if rox is doing okay. …actually no i just remembered when pat tried to reconnect w the waves and apologise for being an asshole and D (who was? kin of rox sort of?) had a big meltdown and said awful things abt us. so like… no, actually

yuta: i just miss komaru a lot actually? also my sister. SHRUG,,,

sprigs: i wanna meet ace so i can punch him in the face NO THATS A LIE id be happy to find anyone though because again ive literally only found one other sf kin

9. does the most popular ship in the fandom reflect ur relationships?

GG: HAHAHA PEOPLE SHIPPED ME & LT I THINK? INCLUDING MAE,,, no we’re. just good friends? and in cahoots. science cahoots.

yuta: [raises eyebrows] does anyone even ship me as yoot

sprigs: i used to be really upset about geo/sonia but like…

(muffled “HEY SUMMER STOP BEING SO GAY SO WE CAN ACTUALLY FINISH THIS”)

10. what’s something sad that happened in ur canon?

GG: i died :D NOT DOUBLE DEATH, THANKFULLY, or. i dont remember if i died just/unjustly? but yeah um. glitchdark LT murdered me. v upsetting for everyone involved, except the glitch :V;;;;

yuta: um. [danganronpa noises]

sprigs: [contemplates hitting summer with a broom] anyway, uh. ditching geo like i did. that sucked. a lot.

11. what do u miss most from ur canon?

GG: a lot of stuff actually? being here on earth is cool but after like. growing up on saraba in both main timeline and den, and spending a long time(?) on my land in den, and also having hecking superpowers? and being physically me. i think thats what i miss the most, actually.

yuta: uh my canon sucked so. hoodie? my hoodie was great

sprigs: sometimes i miss wavechanging but a lot of the time i dont care [shrug emoji kie’s too lazy to copypaste]

#genet genesis;#stellar genome;#PAT WAS SUFFERING THE WHOLE TIME CAUSE KIE WAS ON THE EDGES OF FRONT #willyzepp #leos reply #denlocked #leo chirps

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mirkstrolls · 7 years

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[LOG] dumpster days pt 1/3

[Chatlogs from over on #BWIC: the conversations that occur as Widsth Orpheo (inspiredTalesmith) pisses off a history gang and spends an afternoon trying to avoid their very physical ire. Takes place over a good seven hours -- I’ve trimmed out most of the irrelevant dialogue, so if you want to read Hadean and Emerel threatening each other, this is not the place for that.

Also starring Pheres Dysseu (refiningSpacetime), Emerel Victis (meganeNarcissus), Hadean Dauths (invertedDissident), Ullane Wistim (journeyingMedic), and Sielan Reisov (pivotalPersuasion).

In this issue: shaming Pheres for his interest in troll Twilight, a bad limerick, Emerel offers to help, Ullane realizes that Widsth does this too often.]

RS: | I will Give Sixty Beetles to Whoever Presents Me with Something Entertaining | RS: | Because I am Afraid I am About to Expire from Boredom |

IT: I am about to lose ConneCtion to the internet IT: But it may interest thee to know, Sir Dysseu, that I didst just aCCidentally inCur the wrath of most of the West Alpine SeCtor HistoriCal SoCiety IT: 'Tis too long a tale to relate at the moment, but it doth involve a Certain private diary, the Cerulean Dynasty's fashion for pierCing deliCate plaCes IT: And a great many sCandalized historians who are now defaming my honest reputation!!! IT: ...They wish to defame me, in faCt, with pitChforks IT: Adieu!

RS: | | | RS: | Well | ! | As Always | RS: | Orpheo Wins | =:) |

MN: wEll orphEos fuckEd MN: sucks to bE you pal

ID: hahaha what.

MN: looks likE hE got a hold of somEonEs diary and blastEd that shit MN: hE might not bE aliVE now MN: and by that .I. mEan hEs probably still running knowing pissEd off bluEs MN: oh man this is grEat

ID: ahahah that's pretty wild. run nerd, spread the awful awful truth.

MN: hE fights the good fight haha

ID: the fight that ancient highbloods are huge pervs. who could have seen it coming.

MN: .I. for onE am just shockEd

ID: all those historians so crushed. by the knowledge their idols were packing some extra metal.

MN: .I.m not that crushEd MN: .I. actually am a historian MN: this is prEtty normal by now

ID: you are, huh. do you have a specialty or are you just a well rounded nerd. ID: why are there so many nerds in this chatroom.

MN: .I.m thE most wEll roundEd nErd MN: but nah MN: military history

ID: well at least you chose an interesting part to be a nerd about.

MN: Exactly MN: .I. cant gEt Enough of this shit MN: EVEr bEEn to thE rEEnactmEnt fair MN: wE haVE a big fight ring aftEr the battlE rEplays arE donE MN: somEtimEs pEoplE diE MN: but thE prizEs arE grEat

ID: uh no because i have no idea where the fuck to find one of those. but battle replays sound fun. ID: unless you're on the side that loses i guess.

MN: which to bE fair isnt that diffErEnt from anything ElsE pEoplE haVE bEEn doing forEVEr but you know MN: thE closEst onE is outsidE cascara MN: chEck it out somEtimE .I. say bEcausE thE nExt fairE is nExt wEEk

ID: uh cascara. will make a note of it. and figure out where the fuck that is.

MN: hErE MN: Sent hErEsamap.png

[MN and ID threaten each other in a vaguely pitch-flirty manner and challenge each other to a duel at the historical fair. JM says she’s seen too many undead for her taste.]

RS: | But | Have You Seem any Sparkling White Ones | like in the Films | JM | ? | Inquiring Minds wish to Know | =:P |

MN: wE dont EVEn takE chancEs and somEonE on staff burns thE dEad

JM: Sound practice JM: Those films are made by idiots who deserve to be drained of blood. JM: No. Thankfully.

ID: what movies.

JM: You'll be sorry you asked. JM: I feel RS is going to answer.

MN: sEE .PHERES.I.m not thE only onE who kEEps tElling you thosE moViEs suck

JM: They are awful JM: and stupid JM: and inaccurate

RS: / someone else do the title / I'm with a customer / =:( /

ID: i no longer care what movie it is. since it apparently sucks.

RS: / and they are perfectly fine / my sympathies for your lack of taste / =:) / both of yours /

JM: No self-respecting drinker would be so soppy

MN: look .I.m going to shortEn thE titlE MN: and call it MN: thE film in which a drinkEr starEs at a girl whilE shE slEEps and shE is okay with it

JM: Especially not over such a pathetic protagonist JM: Exactly JM: It is disgusting JM: all the characterization is bad JM: terrible quadrant dynamics

MN: thE wErEfiEnds wErE hot as hEll and thats thE bEst part of the moViE

RS: / it's meant to emphasize the pitiful nature of their relationship / for heaven's sake /

JM: There's pitiful JM: And there's downright obnoxious

MN: .PHERES. no it wasnt

JM: Also it was disturbing JM: And crossed boundaries

IT: Dysseu, art thou aCtually defending that film

JM: Unfortunately

ID: if any drinker was staring at me while i slept. i'd gut them.

MN: holy shit hEs still aliVE

ID: for now.

IT: I am on the run for my life IT: And I must needs stop

JM: wait

IT: to KINKSHAME thee

JM: Ha

MN: haha is thE cErulEan chaptEr still aftEr you

IT: ...Ye muses, no wonder thou didst think RiCCin attraCtive IT: 'Tis the fangs, is it not????

MN: its thou thought dudE

JM: Some people are into that

RS: / oh / go back to reading your filthy eulogies / orpheo / hahaaaa / RS: | NO |

JM: It's okay RS JM: We accept you

ID: ahahahahah

JM: But not your movie taste JM: ...Orpheo? [edited] JM: Widsth Orpheo?

IT: 'Tis I, Orphep

JM: Shut

MN: .I. loVE you man but your moViE tastEs suck and .I. will not stand by whilE thEy hurt you

IT: )That was a humorous untruth but yes, that is my name)

JM: You may not remember me

MN: orphEo holy shit arE you typing whilE you run

JM: But I treated you

IT: jog wouldst be more aCCurate henCe my deteriorating quirk IT: !!!!!!

ID: how long until pheres asks emerel to dress up like the main character though.

IT: MediC Wistim??

JM: Ah JM: Yes

MN: oh my god MN: hadEan you haVE .NO IDEA.

JM: HaJM: Wait has he done that

ID: ahahahah are you serious.

MN: hE kEEps trying to put .ME. into thE drinkEr aEsthEtic box

JM: That's amazing

IT: hello there dear lady!! IT: also HAS HE DONE THAT

ID: do you have to say lines.

JM: Oh please JM: I hope so

IT: I NEED CONFIRMATION, MN

JM: "I'm not good for you, Bellah"

MN: .NO I REFUSE.

JM: You mean JM: He has tried

MN: .I WILL NOT DRESS UP AS TROLL EDWARD CULLEN.

ID: ahahahahah i'm dying.

IT: :O :O :O

MN: thats classifiEd

JM: This is amazing

IT: >:D

ID: does he want you to bite him and shit.

MN: also classifiEd

ID: so definitely yes.

IT: ye gods

MN: .I. will not confirm or dEny MN: on a public chat

JM: In the absence of proof JM: I will assume yes

MN: hEy orphEo arE you anywhErE nEar cascara

IT: this materisl doth beg a limeriCk

JM: Do it JM: It can only make it better JM: To record it forever JM: To testify Pheres's mistakes

MN: bEcausE if you arE .I. might bE ablE to swing by and hElp you out MN: .I. know a fEw guys from thE cErulEan branch

JM: Please help him I had to put him back together not too long ago JM: Don't let my work go to waste

IT: At the request of the lovely Ullane IT: There onCe was a troll called pher IT: his pref'renCes were quite clear IT: he told his mate "bite me, IT: and perhaps, glow slightly?" IT: on the whole 'twas rather queer IT: afaojf pardon me a momeny

MN: amazing MN: .I. haVE no idEa how you camE up with that on thE run MN: but good job

JM: edhjckkkkkkk I slipped and fell off my seat JM: My horn hit the keyboard JM: Thanks to my laughter

MN: oh .MY. god

ID: hahah lovely. almost brings a tear to my eye, 8/10.

JM: The art of our time

ID: i mean i thought that shit was ancient art. isn't art these days memes.

JM: Think, ID JM: It incorporated modern media JM: Like the dreadful film JM: Ancient form, modern subject

ID: got me there i guess.

JM: Score

#refiningspacetime #havesomefantrolls #cloudbattrolls #rebatrolls #widsth rp #widsth #bad wiggler isolation creche #pesterlogs #...kinda?#pheres dysseu #emerel victis #hadean dauths #ullane wistim #ic #so sorry if you're on mobile and the cuts don't work #dumpster days #mirkstrolls rp

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