#which was 2939:9;993 steps out of my comfort zone and I did WELL so yes I’m proud

[hobisexually]

x

#I was at a fair all week #I don’t know how to talk about this really #but I met like 80 new people in the span of 72 hours #and I don’t have social anxiety #but I do have anxiety in general #and this entire week. just took so much out of me and I was confronted with myself So Much #I can do more than I think I can! true! but it requires complete compartmentalisation #and I’ve been shutting myself off from everyone since . #well since July basically after I got covid because my life got insanely hectic from that point on #and I’ve grown a lot. I have. I’m proud of the things I’ve done #but idk I find it hard to balance everything #and I find living just hard in general and even when I do these things like this fair #which was 2939:9;993 steps out of my comfort zone and I did WELL so yes I’m proud #but also I’m. frustrated with myself #and how difficult my brain decides to make things #and how disconnected I feel from everyone but how I don’t have the energy to do something about it #you know? #ah either way. #sometimes I wish I picked an easier job because no one seems to get how insane it is sometimes #and how it isn’t just reading #if it was that! it’d be fine #but every aspect that comes with it…… woof #idk the me from six years ago couldn’t have done any of this. she really couldn’t have #I was rereading conversations this morning and the me that I see there. holy hell I just want to wrap her in a hug #so I’m proud of what I’ve done in the mean time. I showed up for myself I really did #but sometimes I’m afraid I changed so much that I’ll lose everyone in the process #idk man post lockdown life is difficult #and my fear of covid is not gone by any means (not even after having had it) but we’re meant to continue on as before #and I can’t rhyme those two things together #ah. this is nonsensical and doesn’t even touch on 1% of what I was trying to say but WHATEVER