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#which is hilarious because months ago i THOUGHT i was misty but no. misty is my friend (platonic f/o and memory related)
chiprewington · 6 months
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DID U WIN UR CHAINSAW CONSULTANT FIGHT ...
I sure did! First try!
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mariibound2003 · 2 years
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ALRIGHT CHUCKLE FUCKS, GET READY FOR A LATE NIGHT/EARLY MORNING RAMBLE/HEADCANON SESH TALKING ABOUT THE LOGGING LOCOS AND THE LORE I HAVE COME UP WITH FOR THEM BECAUSE I ADORE THEM AND WISH THEY HAD MORE DONE TO THEM IN THE SHOW-
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okay, so to start off, how did these guys meet each other: they all met each other while working for whatever company they used to work for on the mainland, at first it was only Bash and Dash with a couple other engines/machinery that weren't too fond of the two's joking around and immature playing- due to not being properly trained/disciplined socially after being built- most of the humans also weren't too fond of it either, including the owner of the company who despised them the most.
well, fast forwards a bit and Ferdinand gets brought on and paired up with the twins for some muscle, at first he wasn't too sure on them and was admittedly intimidated by not just them but everyone else at the company as well, but after hearing the two joking in their shared shed one night and finding their humor hilarious, they almost instantly became peas in a pod and were practically inseparable, which made the owner even more furious, but it was what it was!...
How were they like before Misty Island: well, their personalities were pretty much like how we know them as now, tho dialed back significantly, think of the twins as more like Bill and Ben where they were more mischievous then destructive, tho they do get carried away sometimes when not careful. Ferdinand was sooo much more quieter and timid, even for Ferdinand! Despite coming out of his shell some when meeting the twins, he kept to himself and didn't make himself very noticeable due to their owner's outbursts whenever a mishap would happen with them or from any comments their peers would give them, which ofc frightened him dearly as he was still new, didn't want to be sent away and be separated from his new friends, so he did his best to stay on everyone's good side...
How did they end up on the island: by this point you could probably put two and two together and figure out that their original owner has some involvement in this topic. but to go into more detail about what actually got them sent away, the trio were playing around during some off time and they bumped into some flatbeds that had been sitting on the tracks, from there a domino effect occurred and within the span of a few minutes what started off as some minor damages turned into thousands of dollars’ worth of damages and repairs, included in the destruction were a few crew members and two cranes that the company owned at the time. Needless to say the owner was NOT pleased by this and had another fit in front of them before sending them to do extra work separated for several weeks, which they ofc hated but couldn't object or it'd be longer, well it just so happened that the owner had bought an entire island ages ago that he wasn't really using anymore, so in a state of cruel malice that had been boiling up for years, he sent someone to reunite the trio when their punishments were up and told them they were going to play a special game of hide and seek, which the trio were eager to accept, thinking that their owner was attempting to make up for his outbursts, but they'd sooner or later figure out the truth about this "game" once they settled into their hiding spot, aka Misty Island. They were told they'd be staying on the island until their owner found them and would be brought fresh oil and whatever else they'd need three times a month, ofc as the days rolled into weeks and months, the visits for oil and other supplies dropped down from three visits a month to two, and two visits to only one, and finally stopping all together, they started to have second thoughts about this "game" they were playing and wondered what was going on...
how are they after Misty Island: after getting rescued from Misty Island and becoming a part of the NWR, the trio would work their butts off to show their appreciation and began to work on being more well-behaved, tho ofc old habits die hard so they had lots of growing to do. as the months grew on however, the engines of the NWR would start to notice some peculiar things about the trio that later were revealed or labeled as trauma related, the list going as follows- *the trio refused to be separated for more then a few hours at a time when they first started working on Sodor, but even then they’d be consistently worried about each other until reunited. *they would sometimes sneak onto Sodor and sleep near busy stations/railyards/docks because they didn’t want to be abandoned and wanted to be sure there were still people that wanted them around, acting very clingy in the morning or whenever they’re woken up to anyone around them, wanting to do work for them even if they had jobs elsewhere or back on the island. *they sometimes make very odd or dark jokes, or say things that creep the others out, if particularly pissed off Bash and Dash are known to make threats that would probably make the most stone cold and tough engine shudder, this ofc was an echoing of what their original owner used to do to them- which the trio echo a lot of things, both good and bad- and they will often apologize for the things they said after things have cooled off enough. *if any questions or mention of their old company are brought up they’d go silent a refuse to elaborate for a couple days- save for the one exception where Ferdinand finally snapped at the person asking him and slowly broke down into tears as he told them what happened. *on the topic of Ferdinand, being the more emotional one, he’d go into depressive episodes during the colder months, as that was roughly when the trio was first abandoned on the island, so he has a rocky relationship with the cold. *while hard to tell, the best way to figure out if Bash and Dash are going through their own sort of episode is by how careless they are with work/how often they goof off during a job, everyone quickly figured out this was a coping mechanism for them.
but over time and with plenty of support from the NWR, they were able to fix most of these issues... mostly... the trio still snuck onto the island to sleep and Ferdinand was still grappling with his seasonal depression, but they all were able to find themselves quite at home on Sodor and couldn’t have been happier, yes they still technically live on Misty Island- after all it’s been their territory for years now- they considered it a sort of extension of Sodor, which was further consolidated when STH had purchased the land and had it fixed up a bit, a crew was hired not long after to stay there and to keep the Logging Locos company, which while hesitant at first, the Locos happily welcomed the newcomers into their home, finally feeling like they had a railway and group of friends that they truly belonged in!...
...okay i am now going to go pass out because this took A LOT outta me to write-
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breanime · 5 years
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Yellow Diamonds (Part Seventeen)
Wow--this is the end! Thank you so much to everyone who’s ever read, commented, reblogged, or sent in asks about this series. This was just a random brainchild that I had and started typing out, and then it became something people actually liked and wanted to read--which is amazing. Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter to Yellow Diamonds!
Edit/Warning: a little steamy in the beginning there...
*banner by the amazing, illustrious, hilarious, lovable @starkrobb AKA my little pal-pal*
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“Y/N…” Billy’s voice was low, but you could feel him close to you, mouth nearly on your ear, hand on your waist as he held you close to him, “It’s time to get up…”
You groaned, turning and burrowing deeper into the blankets, putting your face in Billy’s neck. “Nooo,” you whined, eyes still closed.
You felt Billy press a kiss to the top of your head, and you knew your morning ritual was starting: Billy would wake you up with sweet kisses, you, a perpetual horndog, would then instigate things to turn it into something more, you’d have sex, and then get up and start your day. It was a good ritual, and even though you knew that there was much to do, you allowed yourself to indulge in Billy’s touch.
Why ruin a good thing?
It had taken weeks to clean up and rebuild Delta Haven, but it had been done. Micro took over the communications system, sending messages out everyday with the coordinates to the safe house, as well as suggestions on which roads to take and what ones to avoid. You, Billy, Frank, Dinah, and Karen had started going out every few days and “clearing the road” as Frank called it, tracking down hoards of zombies and mowing them down. Billy and Frank—with the help of Micro—also set up a new security system, making sure every inch of the renovated haven was safe and secure at all times. Amy turned out to be a gifted scavenger, going out with a protective Frank and Karen to find supplies and food out on the road. She always seemed to be able to find exactly what it was that you needed for the safehouse. Once you all finished cleaning up, rebuilding, renovating, and improving the safe haven, you opened it up to the public. Micro put out an invitation over the radio, and he said it’d probably be a few weeks until anyone made it out there.
Your first civilians came later that day.
After that, people started coming in droves; walking, driving, some in large groups, some people traveling solo—all of them were looking for a safe place to stay. It was amazing, you got doctors and teachers, families, soldiers, people from all walks of life coming into the area. Most of the barracks and cabins had been left intact from Rawlins’ attack, so it hadn’t been too difficult to clean them up, but with the number of people that were coming in, more needed to be built.
Frank, as it turned out, was pretty good at construction, and he and Billy (who looked so good shirtless and sweaty with a hammer in his hand and nails sticking out of his mouth) set out to build a few more cabins, bathroom, and other little units for people to post information about the roads and their families. Your background in linguistics proved to be especially beneficial, and you spent a good portion of your day translating and helping people who didn’t speak English find their way around the haven. You were also training people everyday in how to help and organize visitors, as well as giving lessons in the languages you knew to those who were interested. Madani and Billy teamed up to train people in combat and weaponry—Frank was more interested in construction and liked to be left alone, for the most part—and Billy had a knack for it. He was a natural leader and a great teacher—a fact that you knew firsthand. Karen was the voice of the place, getting on the P.A system with updates and information several times a day. She was also the person who came up with the electronic check-in system; she’d suggested it to Micro because it would help keep track of the people coming in and out and what skills they had, and it really did make a difference. Everyone had a job, and if they weren’t willing to put in or if they were on any kind of bullshit… they were out. It was rare, of course, that someone wouldn’t contribute and had to be “asked” to leave, but when it happened… That was when Frank really shined.
As the unofficial head of the place, you were constantly going through the registry of people checking in, taking care to match last names to guests who had been there before and working to reunite as many families as you could. It was good work, very fulfilling, but nothing felt as good as the day you handed Miles back to his parents. His mother, Rio, thanked you in both English and Spanish, and now she was helping you in your language lessons. Before you knew it, weeks had turned into months, and Delta Safe Haven turned into the Farah Madani Center, where all were welcome.
You sighed, still under Billy, and closed your eyes. Your heart was still pounding, and your legs were still shaking. Billy was kissing your neck, still inside of you, and you wrapped your arms around him.
“I love you,” he said into your neck.
You smiled. “Love you, too.”
Billy picked his head up, bringing his lips to yours in a slow kiss. “What’s on the agenda today, boss?”
“Hm…” You ran your fingers through his hair, marveling at the softness and thickness of the strands. He was even sexier now that you had daily access to shampoo, soap, and clean water—the luxuries of life. “Well, I’m gonna lay here and probably have one more orgasm,” you giggled when you felt him press his hips into yours, already getting hard inside of you again, “Then take a shower—alone.”
“Terrible plan, but go on,” he said, kissing your nose.
“After that, I’ll probably check on Sarah at the front gate, see if there’s anything she needs help with—”
“—That’s what we got staff for, baby,” Billy grabbed you and rolled you over, so you were lying on his chest. His hand went to your back, caressing your bare skin. “They’ve got it all handled.”
“True.” You had to admit, even with the mass number of people that were coming in, the system was so tight, and the people who ran it so competent, things just ran smoothly. “I guess I’ll go to the school and help Rio with the lessons…”
“You have ten people teaching Spanish, including Rio,” Billy reasoned. He was still inside of you, and you rolled your hips a little on top of him, loving the feeling of him. “Mm…” His head was buried in your neck now, and you felt his lips ghost across your skin. “You’ve got people teaching German, French, Hindi, Korean, Tigrinya… Take a day off,” he urged you gently, “the school’s running fine…” He shifted, rolling over so that he was back on top before pulling up the blanket and draping it over the both of you. He was careful not to misplace himself, and sighed as he sank deeper into you now that you were beneath him again.
You leaned your head back, falling deeper into the soft pillows on your shared bed, and giving Billy better access to your neck. “I still need to talk to Oscar about the irrigation system he’s been working on…”
“That can wait,” Billy was kissing his way up your neck now, his lips on your chin.
“It can,” you agreed. Oscar, like most of the people who were in charge of one of the many projects at the Center, was more than capable of handling the work without you having to look over his shoulder. The man was painting a mural at the front entrance and using his old skills as an apartment super to improve the quality of living around there. His son, Vito, was his second in command, and you trusted Vito to make sure everything ran the way it should. “Don’t you have to train the newest batch of recruits?” You asked Billy. He and Madani set up a strict schedule for the security and had created a pretty rigorous application process to even be considered for the team. The last thing anyone wanted was a bunch of trigger-happy, power-hungry cowboys with something to prove running around with guns. In fact, it was mostly rejected applicants who ended up having to get kicked out from the Center. Billy, and Madani too, had seen too many William Rawlins and Morty Bennetts to let a new one slip through the cracks. Not on their watch.
“Madani can handle them. Plus I got Misty and Colleen working the perimeter today, and Curtis on surveillance.”
You smiled at that. Besides the day Miles’ parents came, the day Curtis Hoyle showed up was one of your favorites. Billy and Frank—perpetual pessimists—had assumed he died, so when he came through the front gate, minus one leg but still in great shape… You’d cried as the three men embraced. It had been beautiful. You closed your eyes again as Billy’s mouth traveled up your skin, leaving kisses until he got back up to your lips. When you opened them again, you were staring directly into Billy’s eyes. They were as dark as the night sky, like always, and like always, you saw those twinkling yellow diamonds in them. “I can’t believe how lucky I am,” you said quietly, in awe.
“Lucky how?”
You laughed—what a ridiculous question. “How?” You repeated. “Like what, almost a year ago, I was all alone, scared, helpless, and then one day—boom. I fell through a roof and woke up staring at the most beautiful man on the planet.”
Now he laughed, the sound warming you to the core. “I still can’t figure out why you were up there in the first place.”
“Me neither,” you grinned, “See? That’s luck, right there. I met you, and you just… changed everything.”
“Mm,” he hummed, leaning down and kissing you once more, “You changed everything. I never thought I’d give a fuck about anyone besides me and Frankie, much less fall in love, but you…” His eyes were boring into yours, and you felt so close to him, connected by the eyes and hips and heart. “You’re everything to me.” He buried his face in your neck again, words muffled as he spoke directly into your skin. “You know, your dates are off,” he said conversationally, moving his hips into yours.
Your eyes closed again, and you put your arms around him. Billy was fully hard now, and you bit your lip at the sensations. You were still sensitive from your earlier climax(es), and you knew it wouldn’t take much to bring you over the edge now. “What are you talking about?” You asked, trying to focus.
He pulled back, looking down at you fondly. You must have seen that look on his face a thousand times by now, but it never got old. “You said it’s almost been a year since we met,” he answered, leaning down to kiss you, “It has been a year.” He smiled down at you, eyes sparkling and smile dazzling. “Happy anniversary.”
Your eyes widened. You could barely keep track of what you ate, let alone the dates. It wasn’t like you had a calendar with you back in those days when you were traveling with Billy and getting kidnapped every two minutes. But you knew Billy was right; he kept track of dates way better than you did. “It’s our anniversary…” You whispered, making Billy laugh. “Happy anniversary, baby! Thanks for all the orgasms and knife lessons!” You said, pressing your lips against his.
“My pleasure,” he chuckled, “so,” he rubbed his nose on yours, “Let me ask you again… What’s on the agenda today,” he kissed you, tongue sliding into your mouth just as he thrust—deep—inside of you.
You gasped, and he did it again, making your toes curl at the amazing feel of him. Your hips moved on their own, and the two of you fell into a familiar rhythm. You sighed when you felt Billy’s hand between you, caressing your clit as his cock slid in and out of you. Sex with Billy was always incredible—it was Billy Russo, so how could it not be?—but the sex had been even better now that you had a small cabin for the two of you. There was a sense of security now, and love and affection and familiarity, that just made your lovemaking even better than it had been before. Now you didn’t have to worry about anyone walking in on you, or zombies wandering too close to your tent—you had four sturdy walls inside of a literal fortress protected by some of the most capable people you’d ever seen, and you knew you were safe. Of course, it didn’t matter if you were at the Center or stranded in the woods, as long as Billy was there with you, arms wrapped around you; you were safe.
“Baby?” He asked, voice low. You still hadn’t answered his question. “What’s the plan?”
You opened your eyes to see Billy looking down at you, hair falling onto his forehead as he rocked against you, arms on either side of you, chest pressed down onto yours. How could you walk away from that? “It’s our anniversary,” you said, “We have to celebrate.”
He grinned. “That’s my girl.” He kissed you, and you tried to put all of your love into it. Words just weren’t enough. “I love you so much,” he whispered against your lips.
“I love you, Billy,” you said back, “I love you.”
Later that night, you celebrated with your friends, laughing and drinking like it wasn’t the end of the world. And as you leaned against Billy, his hand on your waist, smiling down at you, you thought… Maybe it wasn’t the end of the world. The Center was growing every day, bringing in all kinds of people with the skills to help improve and maintain it. There were groups going out to hunt zombies and find people who needed help, and new shelters and checkpoints were popping up every day. There was a group of scientists staying at the Center who were in constant communication with other scientists and medical professionals, working towards a cure. There were kind, brave, brilliant human beings out there who were working, just like you, to bring the world back from the edge of chaos and start something new, something better, in its place. There was hope.
“Come with me,” Billy whispered into your ear. You let him lead you away from the group and through the center of the Center, past the living quarters, medical buildings, the school, the help center, all the way to the front. He took you through the command center, where several people stopped working to greet you both, and down to the storage room. You followed him curiously. There wasn’t really anything down there; Frank had built a much larger, more secure storage facility a few weeks ago that made this small room obsolete. You watched as Billy shut the door behind you before disappearing into the back.
“Are you going to murder me?” You asked, looking around. It had been a while since you’d been down there, and there were no lights, just a few pre-lit candles on a table in the middle of the room.
You heard Billy’s laugh in the dark. “If anything,” he said, voice echoing slightly in the mostly empty space, “you’re gonna be the death of me. Close your eyes.”
You did as you were told—for once. “I kind of feel like this is unnecessary, considering how it’s pretty much pitch black in here already.”
Billy chuckled, and you felt his presence near you. He was standing in front of you, you were sure of it. “Open your eyes.”
You did. Billy was in front of you, holding a cake in his hands. Your eyes widened at the sight—sugar was more than a luxury; it was an absolute extravagance. On closer inspection, you could tell that it was your favorite. You looked back at Billy, heart pounding at the heart-stopping smile he was giving you. “I—how—Billy—”
“Happy anniversary,” as delicious as the cake looked, his smile, the love and affection in his eyes, was even better, “I love you, Y/N.”
You felt tears in your eyes, so amazed by this man you loved. “I love you, too,” you said back, meaning those words more than ever. You put your hands on Billy’s and helped him move the cake to the table, so you could kiss him. And as you stood there, mouth on his, secure and safe and cherished in his arms, and he in yours, you truly felt like the luckiest woman on Earth.
There was still a lot that you didn’t know, still dangers to be wary of, still problems that needed solving, but you felt surer now than you’d ever had, and you knew that was all because of Billy.
Maybe things would never go back to the way before, maybe there was no cure, maybe the infected were just a part of life now, but things could be worse. You had your family with you, Billy, and Frank, and Karen, the Liebermanns, hell—even Madani, and you were stronger now, more capable than you’d thought yourself to be. Maybe the world had to end, momentarily, as it did, for this to happen. Now there was room for something new, something better, more sufficient and efficient, to grow. Maybe you could help make that happen.
Maybe it was pointless to dwell and speculate.
Instead, you could focus on what was here and now; on what you’d made at the Center, the people you’d helped, the man in your arms and the diamonds in his eyes.
Because, truly, that was enough.
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Please, please, please, tell me what you think and how you feel about this ending. I’m so grateful for you all! Thank you for reading!
(Adding my old taglist to this, since this is the LAST chapter! :) sorry for any double-tagging!)
Yellow Diamonds Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @shameless-pope @encounterthepast @ilkaeliseb @lilianaswhatever @rainyboul @leahnicole1219 @holamor @the-notes-between @fictionwillneverdie @sadnessxvodka @kari-ayam @punishedpunisher @mr-robot-x @disengagefrmreality @lynne1993 @vogueworthy-barnes @weallhaveadestiny @obscurilicious @lucielandss @accioromancff
(Old) TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind @delicatelilyflower @dylanobrusso @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams @fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98 @funerals-with-cake @littlemermaidprobz @teacuplotus @king4thesirens @mrsjaxtellerfan @thebabblingbookworm @tartelette-aux-fraises @madamrogers  @charlylama @iaintnofurry @k-buggz2001@whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix @elanor-of-imladris @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq@holamor @ymariejp @shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou @anabella-baby @heyitslexy @luminex3 @sithskywalkers @carlaangel86 @sssilverssserpent @jupiter-blake @binbons-is-theloml @captainblackeyes @importantkidmakerfire @luminex3 @the-blind-assassin-12 @editboutique @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @whovianayesha  @my-little-dumpster-fire @rhabakoli  @thesumofmychoices @saltyshaggymeme
Taglist: @lexxierave @loveintheroyalfamily @suchatinyinfinity@fanfictionrecommendations-com  @maxslime-blog @elanor-of-imladris@songforhema @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse @themadhatter92@realduckvader @the-blind-assassin-12 @christinawxxx @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @luminex3 @littlemermaidprobz @ashkuuuu@luckysstrikes @carlaangel86 @floralpeaceofmind @dylanobrusso@teacuplotus @iaintnofurry @thesumofmychoices @ymariejp @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @mrsjaxtellerfan @whovianayesha @holamor @drinix @rhabakoli @stories-you-wont-hear @king4thesirens @starkrobb@marauderskeeper @charlylama @thesandbeneathmytoes @something-tofightfor @banditthewriter  @binbons-is-theloml​
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telekinetiq · 4 years
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so here’s what i thought of MSBE
as i expected, pretty much a scene-for-scene copy of the original, just with weirdass CGI
that said, everything besides the humans looked pretty damn awesome; the environment and buildings (esp the layout of mewtwo’s castle) were beautiful
dialogue was subpar overall; a nice line here or there but what was changed wasn’t for the better, and some scenes were clearly less impactful because of the changed or nonexistent dialogue
the movie seemed to simultaneously drag shit out by repeating itself over and over, or just rush things through because hey we’ve been through this song and dance before so we should all know it by heart (which begs the question why this movie was necessary to begin with)
Amber isn’t in this nor is there any mention of her (i knew this already but still :/)
some of my headcanons or implications I drew from the original movie were supported / outright stated in the ‘new’ one, which I am happy with. examples like Mewtwo not considering himself a human or a pokemon, but superior to both; seeing Pokemon as superior to humans but despising those who choose to serve and obey humans...
several important scenes in the movie literally had no background music??? which was made even more obvious because the original had a really fuckin epic soundtrack, so the lack of it was just JARRING and made the scene feel empty
also speaking of music, as I felt when I first heard the OST online months ago, the music in the movie was generic and uninspired as hell. sometimes the music didn’t even match the tone of the scene it was covering. it was just... bad.
the voice acting wasn’t terrible (sometimes it was though), but it wasn’t great. they brought Dan Green back to voice Mewtwo, who voiced him back in Mewtwo Returns. he’s not bad, but I still prefer Jay Goede, the original VA. the voice acting for the pokemon’s voices were hilariously bad sometimes though lmao
they watered Mewtwo’s character down significantly and the events leading up to and surrounding his creation and him dealing with the scientists & Giovanni feels so disjointed?? the build up to his anger isn’t shown or developed very well, nor was it given the same justification that it had in the original. also he even says “Humans I don’t intend to cause you harm” but like... he did?? in the original he intended on wiping out the human race, even if he was willing to spare Ash & co for the moment, knowing they wouldn’t be able to escape their inevitable end. so I’m just ????????
also it never stops being hilarious to me that every human acts surprised when they find out Mewtwo was created from Mew. like you dumbasses it's literally IN HIS NAME...........
i could break things down scene by scene as to what was missing or done wrong (but i don’t have the time or patience for it and i don’t think anyone else does either lol). they put what little focus they had on the wrong things. none of the minor new things they included added anything of worth. i feel bad for anyone who saw / liked this movie but never saw the original, because Yikes. even though the original had its problems, it did so much right.
all in all, graphically it’s pretty and beautiful, although sometimes the pokemon look very plastic / play-doh-y?? the humans are, of course, disturbing.
other than that, nothing about MSBE did anything to improve or expand on the original, and a lot of things were done worse. much like the plastic-y look the pokemon had, the movie felt empty, boring, awkward, lifeless and recycled.
i still hate that they kept the ridiculous “fighting is bad even though this is literally a series about children using their pet animals to fight” sentiment that the original english dub was changed to. “originals and copies, they’re all living creatures! does winning or losing really matter?” i dunno ask your entire franchise misty lmao
but like i’m glad that mewtwo hasn’t faded in popularity at all and still gets attention and content 20+ years later. i would love more movies including him. but like... new stuff please? we already have to deal with disney’s shitty remakes. please don’t start with pokemon too....
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Lana’s Artistic Tribe
“I wanted to be part of a high-class scene of musicians. It was half-inspired because I didn’t have many friends, and I was hoping that I would meet people and fall in love and start a community around me, the way they used to do in the ‘60s.” 
”What I actually wanted was something quiet and simple: a writer’s community and respect.” She talks about that frequently: craving a peaceful life in an artistic community, away from the glare of a media that “always puts an adjective in front of my name, and never a good one.”
2014 -  “Personally I use two parameters. First, find a musical community to belong with. Second, know that the community respects me and my job. Unfortunately I have to say that musically I didn’t find my “tribe” yet, find somebody to love and share a sense of comradeship. Maybe it’s a romantic inspiration but I think about Bob Dylan when in the 60s he arrived in the Greenwich Village and he found his group of folk music. I’ve tried that too when nine years ago I arrived in Brooklyn.. but I have to please me of a different version, more simple. I hoped to find people that want to base their life on art.”
“I was in more of a sardonic mood,” she says of writing Money Power Glory. “Like, if all that I was actually going to be allowed to have by the media was money, loads of money, then fuck it … What I actually wanted was something quiet and simple: a writer’s community and respect.” She talks about that frequently: craving a peaceful life in an artistic community, away from the glare of a media that “always puts an adjective in front of my name, and never a good one.” 
“I still didn’t find that community of people I was looking for, like the way Bob Dylan found his friends, or the respect of being a writer.”
“I still feel insecure musically because I’m still looking for my tribe. When I came here to Brooklyn 9 years ago I had this romantic aspiration to find an artistic community where I could fit in. It’s the relationship I have with other artists that make me a true musicians, not the amount of albums I sell.”
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Paris Match: Have you finally found the community of artists you’ve always dreamed of being a part of?
Lana Del Rey: Yes. And when I go on tour, after four months on the road, they’re like me. They want to pick up where we left off. My friends who don’t do music, they’re lives have moved on.
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“I’ve build a fantastic circle of friends in L.A, who all share this passion. Father John Misty and his wife Emma Tillman belong to those friends. Or Miles Kane and Alex Turner, the two boys from The Last Shadow Puppets. We’re some sort of small folk-community. We spread this Laurel-Canyon-vibe I like a lot.”
“Stevie [Nicks is a friend of my producer Rick Nowels. She’s so great, I’d call her a friend by now. Stevie’s been doing music for 50 years now, she’s been around in the 70s, she’s seen everything. One could be jealous. The Eagles, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - this whole sound of that time, I love it to death. Since I ive in L.A., I’ve been looking for other artists - other people - who feel the same.”    “I really wanted that camaraderie. I actually didn’t even find that until a couple of years ago, I would say. I’ve been with my band for six years and they’re great, but I wished I had people – I fantasized about Laurel Canyon.”
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“So, since I toured with you, I got kind of obsessed and went down this Lana rabbit hole and became -- not like I’m wearing a flower crown, Lana, don’t get ideas -- but I absolutely love it.” - Courtney Love   “That’s amazing because, maybe it’s slightly well documented, but I love everything you do, everything you have done – I couldn’t believe that you came on the tour with me.” - Lana  
Speaking of creatures coming from another planet, you recently collaborated with Alex Turner and Miles Kane of the Last Shadow Puppets…
(She bursts into laughter and claps her hands) “They are truly hilarious, two madmen. They do not live far away from me, in Los Angeles. I’ve begun to train two evenings a week in the studio of Miles, in the neighborhood of Los Feliz, to play with no goals with the Last Shadow Puppets. Then we go eat dinner together with their girlfriends in ‘La Poubelle’  
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What a squad! I can’t count the amount of times I’ve ended up on the ground because I was laughing so hard. They are capable of speaking to one another by singing, with improvised lyrics. For example, one evening, I’ve told Miles about the concert of Joan Baez which I attended. He has never heard about her. Alex made up a song on the spot “Miles doesn’t know who Joan Baez is” (she screams)… None is ever safe of their twisted humor. When I first met them, I did have the impression that I met musicians who only live for the music, whose only thoughts are about music. Singing with them is truly invigorating, there is no need to repeat anything, they always find a continuation.” [translated from French]  
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“I feel like we’ve always been talking to each other through our music,” he said. “She is the girl in my music, and I am the guy in her music.” “I’ve known Lana for like almost four years now. She’s a really, really good friend of mine." - Abel  “Our chemistry’s right. Abel was one of the first to post the clip for ‘Video Games’ in 2011. I’ve contacted him and we became friends.” - Lana
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“I had four tracks that I wanted to play for [A$AP] Rocky so I played them for Hector [Delgado] first, who is not his only producer but he’s one of his main producers, and he thought that of all of them Rocky would like ‘Groupie Love’ and then played it for Rocky and Rocky loved it so he came down and he did a verse and then said he wanted to do it differently so he did a different verse and we changed the production a little bit. He’s got to be one of my top two favorite rappers in the whole world, he’s just really smart and I have so much fun watching him work, sometimes if I have a track and I play it for him he can put something down right away and it’s always so different.”
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one-soul-two-brothers’ ultimate fic recs: wincest edition (part III)
Wincest fics are my (other) absolute faves to read First time fics are the best (but not imperative) I like them to keep some semblance of canon A fic doesn’t have to have sex to be good (but it doesn’t hurt) They have all been thoroughly vetted (aka I’ve either read them all at least twice or will definitely be reading them again) And the most important: happy endings are a requirement
ENJOY!
best LATE-SEASON FIRST-TIME
title: The Exodus rating: explicit word count: 14k relationship: first time summary: So. Dean left with Cas over a week ago on some sort of recon mission, and yeah, Sam has been trying to bury himself in research, but he's just not coping all that well with the long-term separation. He wakes up early one morning, expecting the day to be like all the rest: brother-less. Oh, except, it's even worse than all the rest, because he's completely and totally alone on his brother-less thirty-fourth birthday. His bleak outlook quickly changes with an unexpected phone call, and he has to admit that maybe someone, somewhere answered his embarrassingly needy birthday wish, despite his lack of candles to blow out. excerpt: “Yeah,” Sam breathes, trying to convince himself he’s not dreaming. It’s just-- Dean is only sweet like this, open like this in Sam’s best dreams, so… how on earth could this be real? “I missed you,” Sam adds, breathing it shyly into the air between them, watching how the words affect his brother.
title: O Brother, Where Art Thou? rating: explicit word count: 6600 relationship: first time summary: Over the last fifteen years, Sam Winchester had walked away from his brother more times than he cared to count. This time, Sam couldn’t come up with a legitimate excuse. At least, not one that was appropriate to tell his brother. He knew that, as much as him leaving would hurt Dean, staying here would lead Sam to making choices that could hurt Dean so much more. Could push Dean away permanently. Because Sam Winchester was in love with his brother, and he couldn't hide it any longer. anna’s notes: Shameless self-promo.
title: The Claiming rating: explicit word count: 6900 relationship: first time summary: At age 32, Sam Winchester presents as an Omega. No one is more surprised than Dean, the Alpha who's been pining over his little brother all his life. Canon divergence after scene with Piper in 11x04, "Baby." anna’s notes: Look...I think I’ve read this like five times (at least) since I discovered it (like, a month ago). I know, it’s ridiculous, but it’s just SO GOOD. And yes, it’s an a/b/o fic, but if you’ve never read one or don’t really like them, I still think you should check this out. There are absolutely no dom/sub or non-con components that are often in a lot of other a/b/o fics. And IT’S LATE SEASON FIRST TIME WINCEST, OKAY? THE BEST KIND OF WINCEST. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
title: The King and The Lionheart rating: explicit word count: 53k relationship: first time summary: After the disastrous but effective removal of the Mark, facing a life without allies or a reason to keep hunting, Sam and Dean Winchester leave their old life behind them in flames. They re-emerge from the ashes as Sam and Dean Wesson, residents of Misty Luna, Maine-- a town with a personality all its own. As they settle into civilian life, they gain careers, a home, good friendships and the kind of fulfillment they never thought possible. But with nothing left to fight, the underbelly of their particular kind of love is thrown into sharp relief, especially considering the whole town thinks they’re married, anyway. After dancing around their feelings for the past twenty years, Sam and Dean find a peace they never knew existed, and through it all, they find each other again. And maybe, just maybe, forever. Curtain!fic. Canon divergence after 10x21, “Dark Dynasty.” anna’s notes: THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD.
best PLOT WHAT PLOT
title: Coupons rating: explicit word count: 5730 relationship: established summary: This could, quite possibly, go down as the most ridiculous thing he's ever done. He feels all of ten years old again, in a grade school where he doesn’t know anyone, creating a coupon book for Mother's Day that he plans to give to Dean. Only this time, he's 29 and his brother's turning 34, and the coupons aren't for chores around the house. anna’s notes: I mean...there’s a little plot. And plenty of fluff. It’s so good.
best MPREG
title: Not A Curse After All rating: explicit word count: 23k relationship: established summary: Dean didn't understand how his life always seemed to take the oddest turns. Another case with a witch and it was official, he was dying, not just dying, but a slow torturous decent into his worst fears before he went. He was eating like a teenage girl on a date, sleeping like a middle aged man in a mid-life crises and he hadn't wanted sex in....shit he didn't even know how long.
title: It Only Takes One Oops... rating: mature word count: 20k relationship: established summary: Someone gets pregnant. excerpt: “How, I mean, when… fuck,” Dean mumbled, his speaking ability currently matching his thought process.
“You’ve got the ‘how’ down perfectly,” Sam said as he sank down on the bed next to his brother. “The when? Oh, cast your brain–your upstairs brain–back about six weeks to that weekend at the Grand Canyon. The night with the full moon, the back of the Impala, NO condoms, the ‘come on Sammy, just this once, what can one time hurt, it’ll be fine, please Sammy, please.’”
“I didn’t beg--”
“You sure as hell didn’t use a condom! And, yes, you begged.”
title: Settling Up, Settling In rating: explicit word count: 38k relationship: established summary: Dean's been running himself ragged keeping Sam from scratching at the Wall Death put up in his little brother's head, and things are not okay between the brothers because Sam won't let Dean anywhere near him, and the only thing Dean really wants now? To retire. Because it's the only way to keep Sam safe. But a routine salt and burn leads to a cursed object that causes Sam to go into a sexual frenzy and get Dean pregnant, which is okay with Dean because that seems like the perfect ticket out. Until the Hell in Sam's head starts to spill over and he freaks out when Dean tells him about the baby.
best CRACK
title: SAMpala rating: explicit word count: 12k relationship: first time summary: Sam wishes he was the damned Impala, at least he might get some Dean love that way. anna’s notes: This is both hilarious and sweet at the same time.
best SEASON 12 CODA (episodes 12-20)
title: 12x13 summary: When Mary tells Sam and Dean that she's been working with the British Men of Letters, neither of the boys takes the news well. anna’s notes: Shameless self-promo.
title: Coda to 12x13 excerpt: He tries. He tries. He watches Dean scowl every time they see their mother and he works, honestly works to try and smooth things over, talks to Dean and talks to Mom and tries to help them see the other point of view. And if he catches Dean texting surreptitiously, later, he’s pleased about it. It’s good, right? That was the point, and there’s no reason she should message them both.
title: Dragged Up (12x17) summary: Sam's still so unsure of what he and Dean have. Drinking one night with Dean and Mick, Sam's thoughts spiral down into a deep pit of despair.
title: Through These Walls (12x18) summary: When Ketch put a bug in the bunker, he was looking for usable intel. What he got? Well, that is something else entirely.
title: You’ve Got Mail (12x18) summary: Sam's been getting an awful lot of emails from his brother lately... anna’s notes: Fluff and schmoop and a first kiss!
title: But We Can’t Punch Ourselves Awake (12x19) summary: Sam is sure this, too, will be forgiven. excerpt: Sam isn't like his brother. Dean forgives and forgets once you're back in his good graces. Sure, he's ruthless and can hold a grudge like no other but once you've proved yourself? He forgets it all. Sam is living proof of that. Still alive after all those years after Dean had planned on killing him. Sure, they'd made up after that but there are things in Sam's mind that he won't ever be rid of. It's evident even more by Dean's constant forgiving of Castiel.
title: Coda: The Future (12x19) excerpt: “I know what you’re gonna say, Sammy, but no. Not this time. He’s messed with my car, the Colt and my baby brother on the same fucking day. You are not making any more excuses for him. We’re done with him, you hear me? We’re done.” Dean pushes Sam’s hair out of his eyes. “You doin’ OK? Can you stand?”
title: Untitled 12.20 coda excerpt: Max won’t tell her anything. Bad witch is all he’ll say. Bought her power from a demon, used it against Mom, used it to make Mom turn on you. He won’t explain why he burned Mom without her. Won’t explain how she was healed, why there isn’t a bloody gash in her abdomen. Natural magic. Don’t worry. You’re fine. Everything’s gonna be fine. anna’s notes: This isn’t actually wincest, but it was too good not to add to this list.
title: Coda: Twigs and Twine and Tasha Banes (12x20) summary: Written mostly because I'm so worried that Sam wouldn't wake up at the end of 12.20. *chews nails*
          For all my other ultimate fic recs (j2 non-au, j2 au, and wincest), go here.
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Attended states 38 and 39, Kansas and Nebraska
Seneca, Kansas - July 14, 2017
Before I share stories from the Seneca Relay for Life event I’d like to send a huge thank you to the owners of Altenhofen Inn & Suites (http://altenhofeninn.com/) in Seneca. They were kind enough to give me a cost break on my accommodations. The hotel was beautiful, the staff friendly and helpful, and the location was perfect (right across the street from Nemaha Central High School).
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View of the Seneca water tower from the Relay for Life event
The Nemaha County event was a lot of fun. It was such a hot day and yet there were a lot of survivors who attended, along with family and friends. It was held at the track of Nemaha County High School and they raised approximately $28,000 so far.
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Nemaha County High School bleachers
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Luminaria displaying names of those who have had cancer
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One of the prizes at Seneca’s Relay
I met several survivors and am privileged to share some of their stories.
Lisa Studer
I met Lisa Studer at Altenhofen Inn & Suites which is where she works. I was asking for directions to the event and explaining why I was in town and she was kind enough to share her story.
Lisa is a 1-year survivor of breast cancer. She found her breast cancer after going on vacation with her sisters. She was having trouble climbing in and out of the car and thought she had pulled a muscle.
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Lisa Studer and me
She felt a lump in her breast that she had ignored because she thought it was “grandma boob” from the grandkids pushing off her with their elbows as they got off her lap. She had a bruise in that spot and figured it was just a sore spot from the repeated elbowing.
She went to her doctor who did a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy. It was confirmed she had breast cancer. Lisa had chemo, then the lumpectomy and finally radiation.
Lisa is like the energizer bunny! She is only a year out from her diagnosis and treatments but I would not have known. She is involved in work, her family and especially her grandkids!
Alice Wells
I met Alice Wells, who has Von Recklinghausen’s Disease (VRD) or nerve fibromatosis (stage 1). This disease doesn’t always turn cancerous but when it does it is considered a male cancer. Although Alice was diagnosed at 7 years old she was born with the disease. The disease is painful and has a short life expectancy. For men, the life expectancy average is 37, and for a woman it is 35.
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Alice Wells and Rick Battey
VRD is usually passed from father to first-born son but Alice was the first-born child in the family. Alice’s father died from the disease at just shy of his 37th birthday. Her grandfather (who survived until he was in his 60’s), her niece and one of her grandchildren have also been affected by this disease.
Alice defied the odds by being 50 on her last birthday and she said she is only the 4th female in the United States to have this form of cancer (not including her niece). Of the 4 females, Alice is the only one that has survived this long. The other women passed away before they turned 30.
The first doctor she went to said she didn’t have the disease but the second doctor said he believed she did so he sent her straight to K.U. Medical (also known as University of Kansas Hospital). This disease doesn’t respond to chemo, radiation, or any other medicines. It is only treatable by having the bumps removed. Typically, this type of surgery isn’t done unless the bump really bothers the patient. It is a very complicated disease. Alice explained the bump goes to a cone and the cone touches a nerve, which is what causes the pain. If the bump explodes the toxins in it will release the poison into the blood stream and the person normally dies.
Alice’s doctor said that diet also has a lot to do with the disease so her husband, Rick Battey, is a chef and he cooks all organic (no process foods, etc.) for Alice. The effects of the disease have been tremendous. Alice gained a lot of weight which increases the danger of the disease. She has since lost a lot of that weight. Stroke is one of the side effects of the disease as well. At the age of 45 Alice had 4 strokes in a very short time periods. Luckily Rick was a paramedic for many years and could recognize the symptoms of a stroke so he got her to the hospital quickly.
These two have been together for many years. Rick has been Alice’s caregiver for 16 years; they have known each other for 28 years. Rick was running a restaurant when they met and Alice got a job there. Alice started to babysit his son and they have been together ever since. This couple laughs saying Rick started as Alice’s boss but when they got married she became Rick’s boss.
Alice and Rick’s grandchildren (76 grandchildren total, 7 are blood grandchildren but all of them are their “heart” grandchildren) are also involved in raising money to help others. The kids made crafts to sell at the silent auction for the Seneca event as well as other fundraising endeavors such as making bracelets like the one that Alice gave me. They give them to survivors for free.
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Free bracelet given by Alice Wells and created by her grandchildren
The family has been attending Relay for 14 years, 3 years at the Seneca event. They continue to support not only ACS Relay for Life but also each other, their family and anyone they meet (like a woman from Michigan).
­­­­­­­Diane and Lyle Rottinghaus
I met Diane who had breast cancer in her early 20’s but what is even more amazing is that she is a 50-year survivor!!! She had a lump that the doctors felt would become cancer so she had a mastectomy. Within 10 years she developed cancer in the other breast so she had that one removed as well. Diane didn’t have any additional treatments (no chemo and no radiation). She says there isn’t much else to tell since the surgeries were all that was needed to cure her cancer.
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Diane and Lyle Rottinghaus
Her husband Lyle, a farmer for 54 years, also had cancer. His cancer started with melanoma, then a brain tumor (non-cancerous), and a spot in his stomach that became cancerous. He had chemo for the stomach cancer. The melanoma came back with spots below his eye, behind his ear, behind his neck and one on his nose.
Diane joked with Lyle one day that the only thing that hadn’t gone wrong with him was his feet, and the next day his toenail fell off!
Lyle found his melanoma when he had a pimple or wart like growth that just didn’t go away, so he went to the doctor. A biopsy was performed and the doctor told the Rottinghaus’s it was melanoma. He asked them to set up an appointment for Lyle to have some lymph nodes removed and tested. Lyle explained the doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news was they got all the melanoma; the bad news was Lyle had a tumor on his brain. He had brain surgery two days later to remove the non-cancerous tumor.
Then Lyle had a “tummy ache”. The doctor took some blood and a “picture”. Two days later they received a call saying he had stage 2 stomach cancer. That world wind started as he dealt with another type of cancer. Lyle had 6 rounds of chemo, several surgeries, and continues dealing with the side effects of the treatments. Melanoma has attacked other parts of Lyles’ body as well but he gets the cancer removed and he just keeps going!
This couple is a hoot! They shared stories from their farming days and the relationships they had with their neighbors. The tricks they used to play on the couples that they shared their lives with were hilarious. I loved the stories Lyle told about hand fishing (yes, catching fish with your hands) and the tricks he, Diane and their neighbors used to play on each other. It sounded like a blast living next to this wonderful couple.
They have faced a lot in their lives so far. Diane having cancer at such a young age must have been scary to a couple just starting out their marriage. As well as all the different attacks of cancer that Lyle has faced over the past 10 years. You can see the love and respect they have for each other. They lived and worked on a farm for many years but are now living in a place closer to the city. Their lives are a little slower now but there is still a twinkle in their eyes as they know the importance of finding a cure to cancer along with the time spent with the ones you love.
Relay staff are more than just volunteers
The team of volunteers/workers at the Seneca Relay were involved for many reasons.
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Left to Right: (front row) Dennis Schmitz, Misty Blume, Shirley Claas, Carolyn Zeller
(back row) Kristena Bowles, Joan Buessing, Karen Buessing, Kristy Wilhelm, Alicia Keegan, Denise Mozal
Joan Buessing said that she relays because not only has she had two close friends who died from cancer but also because her mom and dad have dealt with cancer as well. She says there needs to be more research to get rid of this disease.
Shirley Claas, a retired teacher, said she relays in honor and memory of friends and relatives who have been touched by this disease as well as to bring awareness to the community. She had a cousin that passed away last year and he was only in his early 60’s.
Kristy Wilhelm relays because cancer runs through her family quite heavily as she has had grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and her mom were all touched by cancer. She relays because she wants to remember those family and friends who have lost their battles, but also to show to the survivors and those still battling cancer how amazing these communities that we live in are and how many people support them and the fight to find a cure!
Misty Blume relays because there is too much cancer in the world. She lost all 4 of her grandparents to cancer, she lost her sister-in-law a few years ago which is why they started a team, and a few months ago another sister-in-law diagnosed. Misty said there just needs to be a decrease in this disease!
Kristena Bowles started relaying because of Misty (at first) but then she decided that she relays for everyone. Her great grandparents on her mom’s side all had cancer and her dad has had several friends affected as well.
Karen Buessing relays because she lost a son-in-law to melanoma at a young age. Like the others, Karen wants a cure to all cancers.
Alicia Keegan relays for those that cannot make it out to walk due to cancer. She walks for those that cancer has taken, including her dad and father-in-law, other family members and some of her best friends. She walks so her kids do not get cancer. She walks so we can wipe out those words “you have cancer”.
Many of the people on the team joke about the fact that they relay because Alicia Keegan calls them but it is obvious that they each have a very personal reason to be involved as well. There was a lot of fun, camaraderie and joy at this event tempered with a huge desire to have cancer eradicated from our world!
Omaha, Nebraska - July 15, 2017
I really appreciated the help I received on my accommodations from the Courtyard by Marriot and Christine Bleich from American Cancer Society for setting the accommodations up for me. The hotel was wonderful and very close to the Relay of Omaha.
The event was held at Stinson Park at Aksarben Village and the venue was wonderful. There was a covered stage for not only announcements and music but there was a live singing group. A lot of the community attended for the concert, which helps bring more awareness to the people who may not normally attend a Relay for Life event.
FUN FACT: Aksarben is Nebraska spelled backwards
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The walking path for the Relay at Stinson Park
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Lots of team participants
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One of the team tents at Relay (selling decorated bras to raise money)
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The Relay arch at Omaha’s Relay for Life
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The band High Heels on stage at the Relay
Andy Loftis
I met a young man named Andy Loftis who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 41 (no way does he look like his age but he says “I don’t feel a day over 51” – funny guy!). Andy went to his primary doctor last June (2016) after about 2 months fighting some type of lung infection that he thought turned into bronchitis. He had tried using over the counter medication and he would feel a better for a little while but then it would come back. It was just not going away. The doctor agreed it was bronchitis and prescribed an inhaler and an antibiotic. On his way out the door though the doctor said they should get an x-ray. It was a good thing he had the x-ray because the doctor found a tumor in Andy’s lung.
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Cindy Loftis, Rod Loftis, Andy Loftis and me
Andy Loftis was a smoker several years ago but he had quit and had no issues. Because of the tumor shown in the x-ray Andy was sent for a CT scan and based on those results he was referred to a pulmonologist, who then sent him for a PET scan. The PET scan showed many things not mentioned when it was reviewed with Andy originally but a biopsy was suggested. Andy was told that they could tell it was cancer but they didn’t know exactly what type, stage, etc. because they didn’t have all the labs back yet.  A couple of oncologists were suggested for Andy and luckily he has several nurses in his family to help him make an informed decision on who might be best suited for him. His sister-in-law is one of those nurses and Andy says he has “absolute faith” in her, and she was already compiling a list for him.
His choice was Nebraska Medicine, the best place in town by far in Andy’s opinion. He says “the revolution in cancer is going to start right here in Omaha”.
The oncologist told Andy that they were going to look at this cancer from their perspective not what he’d already been told, so basically starting from the beginning. The PET scan had showed that there were multiple lesions in his bones going all the way down his spine and on both sides of his ribs. One tumor that the specialist didn’t mention had fractured his neck. The MRI showed the tumor in his neck was big and there was cancer in his brain. As he said, it was a rough day!
The doctor also wanted to check for a mutation. The results seemed to take forever. Andy has had such a rollercoaster of ups and downs. While waiting for the results Andy had 10 radiation treatments to shrink the tumor that was causing pain in his neck. The radiation completely eradicated the tumor. When the lab results came back they found that he had a mutation which was good because it allowed Andy to use Tarceva, a targeted therapy for all types of cancer, as his first line of defense instead of having chemo. He now takes the Tarceva pill every day.
The results of Tarceva that he started last July showed the cancer in the brain was gone in October and November showed all the lesions were gone except the primary tumor. The primary tumor was 21mm when it was originally discovered but in February it had shrunk to 4 mm. The side effects can be challenging and Andy has some pretty rough days but his job is very understanding and he is able to work from home when necessary. Luckily he says he has lost very little time from work.
The hard part is at some point the Tarceva will stop working but for now he has been extremely lucky. Andy has seen where the medication has stopped for working for some people in 2 months but he has a friend that has been on it for 6 years and is doing fine.
Andy says it’s tough because lung cancer doesn’t get the same focus as some other types of cancer and when you have stage 4 cancer waiting for someone to pay enough attention so that more research to be done is frustrating.
In his family medical background Andy was surprised at how much cancer was in his family. His grandparents, who were heavy smokers, both died from lung cancer. The doctor doesn’t believe that lung cancer is genetic so Andy connected with a place that did a deeper dive in his genetic background. They also don’t believe it is genetic. Andy said it doesn’t matter if it is genetic at this point, it is more important to eradicate this cancer.
Most survivors and caregivers will tell you that the relationship with the doctor is as important as the course of treatment. Andy loves his doctor. His family put together a fundraiser the night before the Relay and his oncologist and two nurse case managers came with their spouses. As he said, they are part of his family now. It is hard as a patient to keep from being concerned, especially as a patient that has a more advanced cancer.
He has found that the anxiety that goes with stage 4 cancer can get to you. When he was talking with his doctor in February he was told he could wait for scans until August, which is such a long period of time when you are fighting for your life.
Someone asked Andy what it was about his doctor that made her special. Andy said “It wasn’t really a medical thing, most cancers have a road map,” but the difference for him is the empathy and caring his doctor has for him. The doctor told him that she wanted him to let her worry about what was going on because it is her job and she had his best care in mind. At first Andy was not comfortable with the span of time before his next scan but as he walked to his car he realized she was right. It is her job to take care of him and he found he could finally let that anxiety go. For the most part his days are not consumed by fear and thoughts of cancer, but he also says there are days when that fear creeps in for a little bit. Most people I’ve talked with about their checkups, whether getting scans, blood tests, or whatever it is that is used to check where their health is, waiting for results are nerve-racking and Andy is no exception.
Andy considers himself very fortunate. The epiphany that came to Andy is the fact that he was dying and he didn’t even know it. If he hadn’t been diagnosed when he was he would not be here. He also says because of the speed in which he was diagnosed and that they found the tumor in his lung, the original source of his cancer, instead of finding the one in his neck which was a secondary tumor….he most likely wouldn’t be here sharing his story with me.
A person’s outlook can make a huge difference in how they deal with their cancer, how well they do with treatments, and even their overall health. Andy’s view is amazing especially now that he is feeling better. He finds that getting involved with Relay and other survivors have really helped. Andy and his family are very close. His sense of humor and attitude has made this past year a little more bearable. He enjoys photography and every day as he lives life!
Stacey Atkinson
Stacey Atkinson had stage 4 uterine cancer that was discovered on August 12, 2011. Stacey had been having some trouble with heavy periods so she wanted to talk to her doctor regarding something she heard about, uterine oblation. Only being 47 she had heard that it helped to stop periods, but the test she had showed something Stacey hadn’t been prepared for. The doctor said she had cancer and gave Stacey a pathology report and a surgeon’s name. What a shock to go from thinking you needed a minor procedure to help alleviate heavy periods to having stage 4 uterine cancer!
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Me and Stacey Atkinson
Originally Stacey was supposed to have robotic surgery to remove her uterus but she had too much scar tissue from having two C-sections. Stacey said it is a blessing that they had to do abdominal surgery because the lesion on her abdominal wall would have been missed, it was outside the uterine wall. Normally patients aren’t told what stage their cancer is until the extent of their cancer is determined. If the lesion was missed Stacey would have been staged incorrectly and her plan of attack for treatments might have been less aggressive than it should have been. She also had cancer in 7 of the 35 lymph nodes that were tested.
Stacey was a bit upset with her doctor because he told her he believed she was more likely to succumb to her disease than she was to survive it. This was not an acceptable viewpoint for Stacey so she sought a second opinion.
At the University of Nebraska Medical Center she found Dr. Steven Remmenga. He did say it was an advanced case and it was going to be an uphill battle. Stacey asked him if he thought he could help her and the doctor said he wouldn’t have taken her case if he didn’t think he could help. He did tell her she had a 10% chance of a 5-year survival but he was willing to fight with her!
Stacey has 2 sons but she doesn’t believe this type of cancer is hereditary. Actually she is part of a wonderful blended family with Stacey having 2 sons, her husband has a son and a daughter, and they have 3 kid-in-laws and 6 grandchildren.
She said that looking back she realizes she was having issues for at least 6 months before she was diagnosed. She just thought it was the beginning effects of menopause. Sometimes she says she feels survivor’s remorse, knowing that there are people who have lost their battle with this disease even though their cancer was detected earlier. She realizes survival is a gift so she said it is important for her to give back to the community and to fight for an end to cancer.
Stacey is at 6 years survivorship and has been in remission since May 2012! She did 6 chemos and 25 radiations. Each radiation treatment was equal to 150 chest x-rays (which is a lot of radiation). Stacey started Relaying the spring after her treatments and has been on the committee for the past 3 years. She really loves being a part of these events but would love even more to be a part of the party where we celebrate the cure to cancer!!!
Michelle Shkolnick
I also met Michelle Shkolnick who is a 2-time cancer survivor and volunteer for the Relay as well. In 2001 she had stage 3 breast cancer at the age of 35. I said that she was so young when she was diagnosed and she said “yes but I’m still here at 52”.
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Left to Right: Phoebe Shkolnick (mom), Michelle Shkolnick, Lisa Shkolnick (sister)
Michelle found her lump when she rolled over in bed accidentally jabbing herself. It hurt so she grabbed her breast. That’s when she felt the lump and the area around it felt hard. The next morning she got up and looked in the mirror. She said she had the telltale signs of breast cancer – puckering and the breast looked lopsided, which was different from before. She was taking her niece to Disney World in a couple weeks so she didn’t say anything to anyone.
When she got back from her trip she made an appointment for a Tuesday with her primary care doctor who sent her for a mammogram the same day, then Thursday she met with the surgeon, Friday was the biopsy, Monday she received the results and Wednesday had her surgery. Wow, that is a lot to take in within a very short time period. She had a mastectomy of her right breast. Michelle said if she had it to do over again she would have done things a little differently by having both breasts removed but things went so fast for her.
Michelle’s course of treatment was surgery, then chemo, then radiation. She said she also took Tamoxifen for five years followed by a Zoladex shot in the abdomen so she could take Femara (an aromatase inhibitor) for another 5 years. Her tumor was ductile, about 4 cm in size, and 5 of the 12 lymph nodes tested were affected. Almost a year after her first mastectomy, after all her treatments were complete, and Michelle was ready to be released from her surgeon she told him she wanted to have the other breast removed. He agreed and told her he would also remove her port if the breast didn’t look like there was any cancer. Her surgery was scheduled for April 1st.
What a hoot Michelle is. Michelle was very large breasted so there were bets going at her work as to how much her breast weighed. She forgot to ask at her first surgery to have the breast tissue weighed but she remembered the second time. She also wanted to keep her port (to put in a mason jar) so the day of surgery she wrote on paper tape and put it on her left breast “please weigh this breast and save this port”. She woke up in the recovery room and her port was still in so Michelle was a bit scared and asked for her doctor. She knew that still having the port meant there was possibly cancer again but when her doctor came in to the recovery room he told her not to worry that everything is ok. He misunderstood her surgical instructions. (He thought she wanted him to “save the port”, not to save it FOR her) Michelle said it looked like the April fool was on her that day! After Michelle healed from the mastectomy, the doctor removed the port.
One of the things that the doctors asked was if there was a history of breast cancer in Michelle’s family. Her answer was no because she was the first, however just 18 months later her mother was diagnosed with lobular in situ breast cancer. Her mom had a double mastectomy and required chemo but no radiation. Michelle’s mom was also at the Relay and doing well!!! There does not appear to be a hereditary factory to the breast cancer in the Shkolnick family, as Michelle and one of her sisters tested negative for the BRCA genes.
There were no other issues for several years but a few months after her Dad passed away from Alzheimer’s, in February 2013, Michelle hadn’t been feeling good. This kept happening all summer and her doctor thought she had an ear infection but that wasn’t the case. At the end of September that year she was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma at the base of her tongue, caused by HPV. Due to the size and placement of the tumor, it was inoperable. Michelle went through chemo and radiation and it was extremely difficult. She said no one really tells you how bad head and neck cancer is to deal with, because it was so hard! Everyday Michelle would tell herself “if this is as bad as it gets then I’m ok” but she said the next day would be tougher. She made it through the two tremendously hard months but it was very difficult.
Michelle is very involved with Relay, having been involved for over 15 years - from being team captain, to committee member, to Relay chair, to 2012 Hero of Hope for Nebraska. Michelle is a survivor, a caregiver, and continues to fight for the cure! In fact, there is going to be a Hope Lodge built in Omaha and one of the women on the Omaha volunteer team, Kim Joiner Sevening, had lost her father several years ago to cancer. He, too, was very involved with Relay. Kim auctioned off his very first Relay for Life shirt from 1997, with all the proceeds going to the Relay for Life of Greater Omaha, which celebrated its 20th anniversary this year. Michelle bought the shirt with plans to donate it to Hope Lodge so it can be place there in remembrance of Kim’s father. What an amazing thing to do!!!
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Photo by Skip DeBusk Photography
Kim Joiner Sevening  and Michelle Shkolnick
For more information on the Hope Lodge in Omaha please click the link below:
https://www.cancer.org/treatment/support-programs-and-services/patient-lodging/hope-lodge/omaha/about-our-facility.html
Relaly of Omaha team
The team from the Omaha event is more like a family. They work together and, like every event I’ve attended, it really works. Below is a great picture of the 2017 Omaha team:
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Photo by Skip DeBusk Photography
Back row left: Heather Schmit (Event Chair), Stacey Atkinson, Richard Atkinson, Krista Winter, Kim Sevening, Kari Hodoly (Event Chair), Laura Quist, Dianna Hite, McKenzie Marshall (ACS Staff), Shirley Reinert
Front row left: Angela Taylor, Megan Walker, YOU!, Michelle Shkolnick, Erica Zikas
McKenzie Marshall
I spoke with McKenzie Marshall’s mom, Brenda, before I chatted with her and you can tell how proud she is of her daughter.
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McKenzie Marshall with her parents Miles Marshall and Brenda Marshall
McKenzie started a team when she was a freshman in high school after she lost a friend from cancer. She said that McKenzie said at that time that someday she was going to work for a non-profit. Lizzie’s death touched not only McKenzie but Brenda Marshall said that many of the kids in their class went on to work for non-profits or that type of work. It shows how one person’s life can alter the lives of so many others. And look, now McKenzie is working for American Cancer Society as Community Development Manager.
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McKenzie and me
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McKenzie signing the shirts
As with every event I attend these two events were emotional and encouraging and inspirational. The people continue to help me appreciate every day as we all look for the day when cancer is a disease of the past!
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