#whether it be dandruff my lips scabs or just chewing on the inside of my cheeks

[tittyinfinity]

My neurodivergencies and mental illnesses overlap so much that you could diagnose me with about anything at this point

#ocd and autism put together? must tap on things. must tap in specific rythm. or die. my whole life #adhd and autism? oh i cant focus but when i do that's all ill focus on for months or years #i can't pay attention but i have a photographic memory! so that didn't affect me much in school #also w the ocd and autism i constantly have to be picking at my skin in some way #whether it be dandruff my lips scabs or just chewing on the inside of my cheeks #like i can never stop no matter what #oh and another great thing about ocd and autism put together is that you get Echolalia² #this thing is going to repeat in the background of your head for months #and also you must sometimes say/sing it out loud randomly or you will explode #i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD also #manic and depressive episodes? turned out that was literally just dependent on my pain med prescription #rapid cycling emotions can come from all of those #i also have psychosis episodes and delusions! and hallucinations! wee! #oh and let's put a littlr sprinkle of C-PTSD on top of everything. just for fun #''anxiety disorder'' that was me freaking out about masking and how everyone would judge me #major depressive disorder? yeahhhh there's always that base level of despair #like I'm pretty sure the ocd adhd and autism are like one Whole Thing together #i hear the symptoms of all of those and im like yeah that's me! that's also me! shit! that's also me! #WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WRONGGGG #.bdo

[rhinotillexomaniac]

I have recently come to learn that I've probably had some BFRBs from early on in life. I've never openly spoken about it, but I think there should be a greater awareness. I'd never made the connection. I thought they were just bad habits.

In first grade, it was nail biting. I have this distinct memory of an inspection day. We'd all line up, the teacher would check if you wore the right earrings, if the boys' hair was roo long and whether your nails weren't too long, etc. When I got to the front I was proud because at least my nails were short. I still recall the disgust in the teacher's voice - "UGH, well that's just because you chew them off!". My fiancee also gets grossed out when i chew the nails after I cut them. It's like I can't stop myself.

In 2nd grade i developed nose picking (& eating) behaviour. Sure, a lot of 8-year olds pick their noses, but not to this extent. It got so bad that I had daily nosebleeds. If something in my nose caught on my nail, I HAD to peel it off. Even if it was a layer of skin - hell, those were even more rewarding. My eyes would water. My mom took me to a ear nose and throat specialist, who had to freeze off the damaged vessels. It was so severe that he had to do it under anaesthesia. I still do it. When I try to fall asleep at night, it's an automatic reaction to pick. Nose has got to be squeeky (literally) clean to fall asleep. Some college friends once stopped in the car next to mine while I was "picking my brains". It was mortifying! The jokes made me feel so ashamed.

A recurring problem, has been chewing the insides of my lips and cheeks. It was ideal, as the mouth heals so quickly. Sometimes the healing was off and it would form a painful mouth ulcer. When you've started, it's hard to stop as the swelling the next day is even more satisfying. I liked sucking out the blood. Apparently my gran, mom and sister do it too.

Around 6th grade, my dandruff gave rise to a new obsession: scalp picking. What started as pulling on loose scalp flakes, soon turned into continuous picking, eventually blood. Next day's reward was the scab. Again, my mom took me to a skin specialist this time. Him and 2 interns didn't even think of asking if I was picking it. They took a (painful) biopsy and came back with nothing (obviously) . Others would also notice it when the sores got big. I just pretended it was a sore or something.I was so ashamed, I couldn't even tell my mom that I was doing it to myself. And she's a bloody doctor.

These are all recurring problems I have. They surge when my mental health goes down. Lockdown has especially inflamed the effect. Not only am I bored, but there's all this time to sit around and think. Escaping with into a picking session often happens.

Now I know about these, know that they're more than just bad habits, I hope to recognise them and to hopefully develop some alternative coping mechanism. I wish to spread awareness. If this was more commonly discussed, maybe the doctor's would've had more knowledge when they saw me, picked up on the fact that this kid was doing it to herself

#bfrb #rhinotillexomania #dermatillomania #onychophagia #scalp picking #skin picking #nose picking #bfrb awareness #submission