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#where the mentally ill bitches at
lovesickeros · 7 months
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]
{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]
This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.
She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.
But it'd been almost a week since then.
The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
That counted for something.
Not much, but something!
..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.
There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.
She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.
So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.
Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.
Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.
Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.
She really didn't like it.
There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.
She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.
She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.
That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.
Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.
But he wasn't.
He was out running her nation, instead.
And what was she doing? Nothing!
She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.
Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.
Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.
..She wasn't ready.
What was she supposed to say?
Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?
She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.
For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.
Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.
Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.
It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
"Focalors?"
The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.
She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.
"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"
The silence is deafening.
She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!
"Lady Furina?"
Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.
"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.
Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.
Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.
"Why aren't you killing me?"
The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.
She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.
"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."
The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.
He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.
..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?
How unfair.
"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"
She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.
..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.
She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.
For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.
Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.
For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.
Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.
She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.
She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.
She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.
"Again."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#neuvillette#focalors#furina#dont ask what happened here idk#this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up#got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story#focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her#what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell#neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all#ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions#using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS#constant anxiety and panic 24/7#will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry#compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more#i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY#i want 2 put them under a microscope#watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving#anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days
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kxmpfflieger · 8 months
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things have been hectic but i finished the first batch of Where All Roads End refs :]
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martyrbat · 5 months
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batman: the abduction
[ID: Bruce Wayne shown in the foreground as he types and stares at the computer. Behind him, Alfred watches while looking mildly concern. He hesitantly proposes, “Erm... I hate to suggest it, sir—but you don't perhaps think you're suffering from some kind of delusion?” Bruce looks over his shoulder at him as he replies, “Delusion it may be, Alfred—but I'm far from alone in suffering it.” END ID]
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taintedtowers · 4 months
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inevitable
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br1ghtestlight · 6 months
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thinking abt suitcase and HONESTLY i dont think she'll forgive nickel after everything. genuinely her life is going to be affected by what he did to her and how he treated her for a really really long time and bcuz suitcase was treated as a pushover or like a naive idiot for most of the season it would be expected that she'd immediately forgive and move on (and her relationship w/ baseball is clearly.... complicated) but suitcase isn't that person anymore. she isnt innocent and optimistic just wanting to be friends with everybody like she was at the start of season two. she's changed and a big part of that change is accepting that nickel may have grown and even befriended balloon but she DOESNT forgive him for how he treated her even despite that. and he'll have to live with the consequences of what he did just like she'll have to. suitcase is never going to be the same again so it only makes sense nickel doesn't get that closure either (and the best he could do is just. accepting that)
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oflgtfol · 9 days
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i was talking to my therapist last week about how i'm kinda excited but also equally apprehensive about starting grad school this fall because yes, i so so desperately needed a gap year otherwise i think i literally would have killed myself and/or had a breakdown big enough to land me in the hospital, and even beyond that i just needed to figure out a more concrete plan of what i'm going to do with my life in general -- while all of that is true, and i'm glad i took the gap year for it, i'm also apprehensive because i genuinely feel like an entirely different person than i was even at this exact point in time last year, nevermind anything earlier than that. it's only been a single year of me being out of school but my life has changed so dramatically, mostly for the better, and my whole personality has flipped on its head, it's just going to be so fucking weird going back to the same school, the same campus, potentially seeing my old friends around. augh
#sorry i was trying to find a post in my music tag in my archive and i scrolled so far back i got all the way to april 2023#where i referenced sitting in a dining hall#and its like. DINING HALL ?!?!?!#im going to be sitting in the fucking dining hall again in just like four months. UGH#brot posts#it's almost similar to the separation between high school and college. where i feel like hs me was completely different than college me#and now only a mere year later i feel like. post-undergrad me is completely different than undergrad me#although now that separation is exacerbated by how short a time it was and just HOW drastic a change it was#like . a bitch goes on antidepressants suddenly theyre a whole new person.#like im lowkey excited to see my old classmates and friends again#but i also am dreading it bc like hi. hey. i have the same name and face as the person you knew but i'm someone else now. sorry#and also just the persistent fear that i'm going to regress or at least even just /feel/ like im regressing#just by being back in that environment again?#even if i'll be on meds this time and actually going to therapy and overall having so much more support than i did in the past#so as nostalgic as i am to be on campus again it's also like. hard to separate the present from the past#like despite it all. this bathroom was still the very same place i went to have a mental breakdown weekly#this bench outdoors was the place i sat by myself to eat lunch in the blistering cold bc i couldnt eat indoors during covid 2020-2021#this bench indoors was where my friends had an intervention with me and forced me to call the on-campus mental health services#just . idk. feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and also being haunted by bad memories#oh the woes of going to grad school at the same place you got your undergrad. While mentally ill#but alas i need to save money by commuting and having instate tuition
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aberfaeth · 1 month
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actually pete wentz wrote bang the doldrums about sylvain jose gautier from fire emblem three houses
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teplejtrouba · 7 months
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i have no idea what's wrong with me but i can't start watching the new ofmd season. like i want to watch it, more than anything, it's one of my very favourite shows. i couldn't wait to see it. but now?? i just can't start. it's so infuriating.
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iamyourdensityy · 7 months
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I'm back on my Campbell Bain bullshit
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todayisafridaynight · 5 months
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sometimes my ass feels goofy bout my sawashiro photocard holder but my eldest sister just got here and she has a new photocard holder with her new anime boyf on it and yk what Very Comforting to know we're losers together
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kxmpfflieger · 8 months
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The other half of the Where All Roads End cast ✌️
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marcotheflychair · 1 year
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how i’ll be looking while subjecting myself to the tw*l*ght movies for Michael Sheen:
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badnew2005 · 7 months
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i know i have been inactive but i fear yous do Not talk about dennis literally killing himself near enough
#dennis takes a mental health day THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU BABYYYYY#literally written For Me . said this when the episode titles came out. they saw i got kicked out of uni for being too mentally ill and said#it’s okay dennis struggles with his mental health too :) i feel insane but They Know Me . confirming no bitch maureen is Dead . the doors..#all the macdenbreakup refernces ……. she’s so gorgeous ….. AND THENNNNN#THE FIC OF ALL TIME . the only only only one EVERRRR . my dearly beloved doc there’s a hole where something was by bidennisreynolds a#dennis reynolds character study to the tune of folie a deux by fall out boy. DELETED SCRAPED FROM THE INTERNET. the fic that apparently O#ONLY I READ. that when u look for it you just find ME looking for it too ……. we can do dennis reynolds introspectives too :)#we know u lov tends bar and see her for who she is not Just cause i know you man (but ofc understanding you CANT do dennis reynolds#character study without having heavy macdennis )#tends bar splitting into dens friends and family …… having mac see through all his walls ….#THE NORTH DAKOTA OF IT ALLLLLLLLLLL#we can’t have a real genuine actual conversation dennis feelings you SAWWWW what happened last time the man has only JUST emotionally#returned from north dakota !!!! he’s Working on being stationary !!!!! THIS IS HIM WORKING ON IT !#the way we saw dens relationship towards the gang his opinions on how they would help/understand him …….#HIS RELATUONSHIP WITH HIMSELF !!!!! literally created this other version of him to blame all the horrible things he hates about himself on#AND THEN KILLED THE BITCH !!!!#it’s so good so so so so so gooooood
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antimony-ore · 21 days
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Actually some things happening to me would be easier to explain if someone was able to go through my to do lists and journal directly
#I had an entry about how I just want a quiet morning to myself#but no matter how early I get up my mom is up and always says something judgy before good morning#after an extensive talk about my depression and me shutting down and sleeping most of the day yesterday she asks:#what are you doing up?#after getting up outta bed before 10 for the first time in a week somehow the same day I was finally able to#idk fighting the rot#I mentioned trying to form healthier habits so you’d stop questioning everything#why do you sleep until I wake up even if I wake up at noon and then are in every room I am in all morning#why do try to hold my hand and speak every thought you have with no filter#why did you cook dinner after the hours of ‘talking’ we did Tuesday and the resolution we came to#why don’t you work on the the things I ask of you in return?#no means no#not play a mom card#mom card expires when your kid has already outgrown the need for you#like I’m so sorry but you are literally killing the progress I made by saying things like#I can’t see any value in anything you do and my mental illnesses are fake or less debilitating then I make them out to be#I’m pretty much like SORRY I’m particular and living with you#I try to disappear so it’s not an issue for you most of the day#but you still seem to have a problem with everything I do or at least commentary#if doing AB and C gets me to where I need to be it is not your job to stop me and try to make me XYZ#fuck off#you can’t make me neurotypical suddenly#I’m turning into such a bitch#maintaining boundaries is hard
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tboyblogger · 1 month
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world is so scary... who else out there having lunch alone and crying in a corner... having konbini curry rice rn you should eat too no matter what sobs sibs ily
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venbyte · 10 months
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