#when it's a relationship that would have been actually illegal less than 100 years ago

[elumish]

There's something that feels deeply not great about people in fandom referring to interracial relationships (especially ones where one of them is Black) as "heteronormative".

#elumish blogs #fandom #other people have talked about this far better than I will be able to but the concept of heteronormativity doesn't really apply #when it's a relationship that would have been actually illegal less than 100 years ago #you don't have to ship a white man with a Black woman or a Black man with a white woman #but stop pretending that that's in any way equivalent to The Two Default White People being put together

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: True Might

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  Powers don't make the hero - passion does. Luckily for Izuku and Toshinori, this is something the quirkless have in droves.

AKA: All Might is a quirkless vigilante, One for All isn't a quirk that exists and 1A gets a whole 3-week buffer before villain's start kicking their face in as opposed to the 3 days of canon.

Basically: Quirkless!Vigilante!All Might and Quirkless!Successor!(gen ed) UA Student!Midoriya. It’s a riot.

Yagi is stupid strong, his only form in this AU is basically Muscle Form from canon, but he’s a little less ridiculously cut. Not quite chubby, but huggable. This is mostly because he A, isn’t a celebrity that needs to have a marketable image and B, he really likes carbs.

He’s not exactly a vigilante by choice, in his day and age quirkless kids weren’t permitted to apply to UA, either gen ed or heroics. When Nezu got the job, that all changed, but it was a solid decade too late for Yagi.

He’s admittedly a little bitter about it, but he refuses to do anything but his best. He might be a little snippier with Pros than he really needs to be but oh well.

Katsuki and Izuku are utterly enamoured with this crazy vigilante that just doesn’t lose, refuses to back down from a fight even when he’s outmatched, and somehow coming out victorious anyway, rescuing everyone. They have a tense relationship, but often find time to get together and just ramble about how cool All Might is, share theories and dissect his fights. It’s not uncommon for Katsuki to have been hurling abuse at Izuku during class, only to show up at his house after school with a backpack full of snacks and a notebook full of questions.

Izuku knows most of what Katsuki does is to keep his status in the school. If he showed pity to a dumb quirkless runt he’d be painted with the same brush. This doesn’t make what Katsuki has done right! Only Izuku doesn’t blame him because he’s way too forgiving.

Izuku is the smartest person Katsuki knows and vice versa – they are each other’s measuring stick. Katsuki shows Izuku bravery, Izuku shows Katsuki determination.

Episode 1 goes as it does but you see a real flash of regret when Katsuki tells Izuku to jump off a roof because they are kinda-sorta friends. Izuku looks so betrayed. We meet the slime villain like before, All Might saves Izuku and 100% doesn’t expect the kid to fanboy about him and ask for two autographs – one made out to a “Kacchan”.

“Can someone quirkless be a hero?” “The whole world will be against you. Most places won't even give you a shot – no matter how good you are. You’re better off picking something else.”

Izuku is crushed but he does understand. All Might leaves and Izuku trails off kinda hopelessly. He follows the sounds of explosions without meaning to.

It’s Katsuki! He’s dying! Like usual at this point lmao. Izuku rushes in much like canon, All Might shows up, pulls Katsuki free and slams a dumpster on the slime villains head before making a speedy getaway. The police rip into Izuku but Katsuki actually defends him. “You were doing fuck all while I fucking died – don’t knock the only asshole who tried.” Izuku quietly slips him the autograph before running off the scene. Katsuki cries because Izuku got that for him even after he was such a fucking bastard that day? He can’t bring himself to be a dick to Izuku again, even only for show.

All Might finds Izuku and he's like “Sorry I was an ass I was being a dick because I had low self-esteem – I’m quirkless. If you’ll have me I’ll make you into the best hero the world had ever seen

Izuku, obviously, says yes please!

Also, hypermobile Izuku with joint braces as support gear because just let me project please my arms are killing me ( I wrote this a while ago and yes. My arms are still killing me - yes even now). He gets them after All Might sees him miss a dodge because his ankles rolled beneath him. They support his joints beyond the normal range of strength, letting him do some crazy pivots and handsprings, making it easy to support all his weight on a single-arm with very little strain. They can also lock in place, lessening muscle fatigue if he needs to hold onto something for ages and preventing injury if he’s pushing against something. Produced by David and Melissa Shield and imported through Nighteye Heroics.

Is support gear illegal for civilians to own? Yes! But medical equipment isn’t so if you can just convince people its medical not support you can get away with a lot.

Yagi has no weapons himself, other than the random shit he picks up and swings at people, and has little support gear other than a communicator, panic button, and a whole lot of zip-ties.

Izuku should probably have weapons but I’m struggling to think of anything other than war fans because how cool would that look? Because Shonen they would also have the ability to create powerful downdrafts that would give a boost to a jump or dodge.

Probably doesn’t get them until later and needs to train with them.

In this AU, One for All isn’t a quirk. Rather, it’s a role, passed from quirkless person to quirkless person, the only people who can’t be hard countered by All for One. They tend to be vigilantes, crime lords or hero managers, doing their part to foil as much of All for One’s plans as they can, through whatever means necessary.

It’s a role with a pretty high fatality rate.

No one knows All Might is quirkless other than those close to him, they instead think he has a strength quirk. He’s the most prolific vigilante in Japan and is almost as much of a household name as canon All Might. More divisive though, with most people decrying his vigilante status when he could ‘easily make a respectable hero’. He’s also pretty brutal with his takedowns of some villains, leading a lot of people to call him an unregulated brute. Still more call him a villain which, legally he would be - were he using a quirk.

Nighteye is his contact in the heroics industry, gives him loads of inside info that’s typically not something he should be passing on. He’s still close with David Shield. Nighteye imports any costume parts he needs from David and leaves them at various pickup points for Yagi.

He went to college with David in America after Nana died; America having a quirk blind admission process helped - but he’d have gotten shit talked a lot if people didn’t just assume he had a strength quirk. Dude was and is crazy big.

David was one of the only people that knew he was quirkless

OH FOR FUN; Nighteye was also going to this American college and that’s where he met All Might. The three of them became the world’s strangest group of friends and may have lowkey done some slightly illegal vigilante work around the campus and surrounding town. They had a reputation for getting no sleep ever and being the most mismatched set of people

Secretly Smart Jock, Business Man with a Touch of E-boy, Science Hipster. They all tumbled into class together with varying levels of alive-ness. Nighteye and David were very much not morning people.

UA! It’s a ride. Izuku fails the practical but he’s not shocked – he was prepared for this.

He actually got like 30 hero points? But they refused to admit him on hero points alone due to his ‘deficiencies’. They don’t exactly tell Izuku this but Aizawa was there and he was furious.

Gets into 1C with Shinsou, Shinsou fuckin hates him on sight for reasons best known to him (It’s bc he was so god damned cheerful he just – assumed Izuku had a quirk. I love Shinsou but he’s more than a little judgemental). Izuku is like smiling through the pain because he just wanted to make a friend his age – Katsuki barely counts.

He sits with him at lunch and makes friends-ish with the hero kids who dragged Katsuki along, meets Ochaco again. She’s upset he didn’t get in – especially after he tells her he apparently got 30 points. The whole table gets mad on his behalf and hes embarrassed and happy.

Like day 2 he’s leaving gym and someone is like “Oh LMAO it’s Deku – he was in the year below me at Aldera. Only fuckin quirkless kid in the whole school; can’t believe he got into UA.” He turns to Izuku. “Who’s dick did you suck to get in you - ?” And Shinsou just decks him. He grabs Izuku – who is super confused fyi – and s p r i n t s. They have to stop after a while because hes having a panic attack and Shinsou doesn’t know what the fuck to do and he’s mad and upset and the sunshine boy is sobbing –

Aizawa shows up, having seen the (end of the) altercation and is ready to expel some gen ed kids he can’t legally expel – until he sees the two kids from the entrance exam he was interested in – including the quirkless kid who should have gotten in. Well he’s much more willing to hear them out.

100% requests expulsion on those 2 2E kids because that’s Discrimination and they should know better as second years. Nezu grants it because those 2 were di ck s

No USJ because no All Might – stuff like that will come,,, later : )

Sports Fest! Izuku and Shinsou kick ass, Aizawa is Watching. All Might may have gotten in as a crowd member with Nighteye and a visiting David and Melissa and they are cheering on their sun son. Also, Nighteye is going to go cheer on Mirio so he just got a pass to attend all 3 days of the sports festival. He’s just buying snacks on the second day because he’s never talked to one of the second years in his life.

Shinsou and Izuku make it to the tournament. Izuku has been training pretty seriously with All Might for a while now and hes a very good fighty boy. Makes it to the 3rd round of the tournament where he loses to Iida. Shinsou makes it second where he loses to Katsuki. Izuku is like “Iida might you be Ingenium’s brother or something?” “Yes, I am!” “OH MY GOD I LOVE INGENIUM ISN’T HE THE COOLEST” “YES MY BROTHER IS AMAZING” Shinsou is just watching while faintly amused.

#bnha au #true might au #bnha #All Might #yagi toshinori #shinsou hitoshi #midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta

[parf-fan]

In-house shows have been posted!

As always, the following info is from the Faire’s website.

Queen's Court

Join the Mount Hope Welcoming Committee as they greet Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, at the Globe Stage! See the Queen, enjoy a sampling of the many entertainments available during the day, and learn what lies in store for all visitors to Mount Hope!

[Ah, so they’ve moved it back to the Globe for this year.  Here’s hoping everyone interested in seeing this show is aware of the stage change and doesn’t go sit at Endgame for fifteen minutes wondering where tf the preshow is until they finally look more closely at their daily writ and then say a few choice words along with their best friend as the two of us raced off to the new stage.]

Variety Royale

How can one even begin to pick a favorite act here at Mount Hope? Well Her Majesty aims to do just that. Watch as the festival's performers battle for the title of The Queen's Favorite, and perhaps even more importantly, enough food to feed themselves and their family for a whole week!

[Who needs Chess when you can have a battle of the Humanities department!]

Ultimate Joust

Join Her Majesty and the people of Mount Hope as they preside over the final joust of the day! Strength will be tested, Honor will be challenged, and the very cause of Chivalry hangs in the balance. An explosive fireworks celebration awaits the victorious Knight and their supporters afterward!

[I’d be suspicious of this promise of a “fireworks celebration”, except that I know there are simply logistically not the numbers necessary to stage an attempted insurrection. It may be actual fireworks.]

Disasterpiece Theater 

Years ago, Mount Hope gained a reputation as a testing ground for new and unconventional community theatre. Has it lived up to Sir Walter's lofty goals? Can anything get it back on track? Was it ever on track to begin with? What is a track? Theatre will happen. It might be a Masterpiece, it might be a disaster, but it will always be a Disasterpiece.

[One, thank God. I mean, they’d’ve been daft to cut it, but all the same. Two, Sir Walter was namedropped as a historical figure and that makes me happy. Three,“What is a track?”  The cast this year is not divided by track as they’ve been before! There may not be tracks at all!  This description is fricking clever].

Finale Pub Sing 

End the festival day in joyously boisterous song lead by Demetrius and Friends! Join Her Majesty, Her Court, and the shire folk of Mount Hope as they bid you farewell with songs we all know and love.

[But like,,, its not at a pub, right?  That would be logistically too crowded to be safe rn.]

Music with Her Majesty

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth enjoys singing her favorite musical selections with a few new Shire friends. Don't miss this royal performance!  [It’s back babyyy!]

Tea Time

Come join the two most in-the-know Courtiers in her Majesty's retinue as they discuss the hottest topics of the day. Gossip is illegal, so they definitely will not be gossiping; but rest assured, Tea shall be served, and if some is spilled, so be it!

[Listen. You can’t just go posting things like that.]

Mags' To Rich's*

She's rich. She's poor. But they both can agree on one thing: dating is hard. Join Mags Cockburn and Lady Rich as they sing about men, love, and …other things. *Contains material not suitable for children.

[Ooooh, Jules is Mags again, but as a Bacch! Coolio. My guess is that Lady Rich will be portrayed by Leigh Ann Hamelin, because music. Might not be, though. Musical ability is not limited to those historically on the music track.] [Also can we talk about this show’s title, ‘cause it’s clever.]

Guts & Glory: A Scottish Cooking Demo

Join Scottish Ambassador, Argyle Douglas, as he weaves comedy and storytelling into a cooking demonstration of Scotland's most famous dish, Haggis. This exhibition features an authentic Scottish "plushie" sheep happily providing authentic "plushie" organs thus enabling everyone to savour the experience without any worries about "nasty bits".  This show is fun for the whole Family (bring your children, your grandmother, your dog).

[why...why is “plushie” in quotation marks. what are they implying.]

A Whole Experience* 

Join Abe Froman, The Sausage King, and Argyle Douglas, Scottish Ambassador, as they wax poetic about the merry mix-ups in which mature couples find themselves. The Battle for Understanding, Is Compromise Truly Worthwhile in the Long-run?, When Honesty is not the Best Policy, are just the tip of the ice-burg of topics discussed. Ultimately, this show is a celebration of being human and the foibles that come with that condition. Come prepared to laugh and share in "A Whole Experience"!  *Contains material not suitable for children.

[Strictly speaking, this show sounds less like a celebration of being human and more like a celebration of being an alloromantic allosexual human in an érosish relationship, but that could be false advertising.]

And finally, neither listed last nor remotely least....

Whose Jest Is It Anyway?

Just because the Queen is on the Shire doesn't mean the people of Mount Hope need to take themselves seriously all day! Come join the shire folk as they engage in some games of Wit, Hilarity, and Downright Silliness; all based on suggestions from the audience, so every show is different! Here are some testimonials from real audience members: • "I laughed until I stopped!" - Bern D'bread, Baker • "Seriously, whose jest is it? They never answer that blasted question!" - Yuri Gnollcakes, Privy Attendant • "I took an afternoon off inventing to watch 'Whose Jest…?' My brain is now so dead I'll never invent again!" - Leonardo Da Vinci, Early Renaissance Man • "Bridget!" - Bridget Moorhouse, Lat Master of Revels

[FUCK YEAH IT’S BAAAAACK!!!!!  I’ve been waiting years for this!  Granted, that waiting has been much more congenial since I discovered Friday Knight Improv and since they added improv track shows to the Faire day, but I have nevertheless been waiting for this for years!]

[But more important than that, I want to discuss the final testimonial there.  You’ll notice that there appears to be a typo in attributing the quote, beyond just missing the middle ‘e’ from Moorehouse.  There’s a missing letter from the modifier of the title.  It says “Lat”.  Now, while it turns out that “lat” is, in fact, a word, I very much doubt that they are attempting to define Bridget as a former silver coin of Latvia equal to 100 santimi.  No, there are two words that it could be.  One, it could be missing an ‘e’, making the word “late”.  On the outside, that seems reasonable enough; Bridget was in her prime in 1520 and this season takes place sometime after 1558.  But there is yet another option.  The missing letter could be an ‘s’, making the intended word “last”.  The last Master of Revels.  As in: Mount Hope has not had a Master of Revels since Bridget?  Or as in: there is no Master of Revels after Bridget because Bridget is still the Master of Revels and will always be the Master of Revels even unto the ending of the world, for Bridget is forever, possibly Eldritch, a force of pure chaos, unending and unchanging, Eternal.

This is one typo I hope they never fix.]

#let's be real it's a bold assumption that bridget's dead #it's a bold assumption that bridget's capable of dying #indeed the in memorum section of time-travelers' disasterpiece 2019 listed her as just kinda vanished not dead #i have my own headcanons here #which surprisingly do not involve her being an eldritch being #and really someday i will share those headcanons #but it is not this day #i suspect this list is incomplete because i have somewhat inside info #so i'll be keeping an eye on the site #anyway it's two-and-a-half hours past my bedtime and i can barely think so i think we're done here for tonight #covid!parf #parf news #parf in-house shows #parf 2020 #parf #pa ren faire #pa renn faire #pa renaissance faire #pennsylvania renaissance faire #renaissance faire #renn faire #ren faire #faire #faires under covid #ren faires under covid #covid!parf 2020 #bridget moorehouse

[toomuchbroadwayquotes]

This might be ignored,its a long read, but if you want to have your forces restored on feminism my dead feminists i really wanted to share something that is making me tear up every 5 seconds.

As some of you might now, in my country (Brasil) we currently have a situation where our "president" is a misogynist (said he had a bunch of boys, they he went weak and have a daughter that's a "small" example for yall), homophobic ( said he would beat the gay out of his son if he ever "got it"), racist ( talking about killing native Indians and saying slaverism was a choice yadayada) anyways, just a piece of crap, we call him Bozo, like the clown. Well ever since his election we have been feeling so down (I'm sure my American friends can share the feeling). We are the country that kills more transexual people on the world. And it's not even illegal here, that would put into perspective. So, all this are real, serious problems, but bear with me as I get I little... naive maybe?. Well we had 20 seasons of BigBrother over here (Or BBB, Adding the Brasil at the end) and the show is on "the liberals tv channel, all the conservatives try to boycott it yadda yadda ") . But this season is just a gem. I feel like a revolution is happening and (I'm crying rn) I can't even put into words. Its gonna sound ridiculous, but you have to understand that 1) TV is a huge part of our culture, and is 100% connected with politics for us. 2)This show has been silencing woman, making men do anything they want without consequences and put woman as simple objects for their enjoyment. And somehow every year we wouldcomplain about how that was the reflection of our country. Something like this year edition NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

Our LGBT movies, Theather and books are being censoreds right now. Our country is on the verge of becoming a conservative doom.

The secretary of health system said :abstinence of sex is the best way to avoid DSTs and pregnancies. THATS HOW DEEP IN SHIT WE ARE. And we feel voiceless. Is like they are the majority you know?

Is like, you know when Katniss made every distric rebel by leading an example on the hunger games? Is THAT KIND OF SHIT. So, firsts things first:

I will introduce you the leaders of our current feminist movement

First, Thelma, she is not just ya regular powerful black queen. She is a doctor, with a bunch of degrees on stuff I can't even pronounce,she is specialized on anesthesia and she is a resident like those bad ass ones in grey's anatomy. She she is A BOSS. She is strong, and even though she is not 100% familiar with the feminism in "theory" she lives it in practice with out even knowing it ( now she knows, cause the other two are teaching her!) I want to make clear that on this reality show, the majority of the public has always been racist, and black people normally are eliminated first, yes it sucks and is one of the reasons I stopped watching a long time ago, as most of us millenials, but thank God we came back. She isn't going ANYWHERE CUZ WE ARE NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN.

The second one is Marcela, every since the first we saw her she said loud and clear:I AM A FEMINIST, she is also a Doctor. She calls her self doctor unicorn, she is an OB/GYN and choose her career because she wanted to fully support her transexual brother /yess/, she is also expert on female sexuality and give classes about it, think Carina Deluca. She also takes care of sexual abuse victims. Oh yeah, she is bisexual as well. And everyone is shipping her with the next one btw.

Now our last warrior: Gizelly, She is a Lawyer, and she advocates for woman, she has suffered all the types of abuse from her ex husband and after all the trauma, she decided no one would do that to her again. Feminist, we call her the hurricane, she just shoots fire and defends any woman that is being belittled.

What happened was, some guys decided they would "seduce"any woman who was in a relationship outside the reality show, so they would look bad, and be eliminated easily. Wellx those 3 heard that, and they just couldn't get quiet. They went and tell all the girls about it. Some of them didn't believe them, the guys said they were CRAZY, and were LYING (what a shock)

The confrontation scene:

So one of them said: If I am lying, I will be eliminated this round. If I'm back, then you are the lier. So, regular reality show stuff right?

Here are some things you should know: Marcela, the leader ( as she was the one with the initiatives) was anonymous when she first got on the show, and 13 days later, she had 2 MILLION FOLLOWERS. Every feminist, every LGBT+ and ally on this country just woke up ya know?. We were all mad as hell that they were being treated as liars, but, and that's a HUGE but, the guy mentioned earlier was against one that was even worse. He was touching inappropriately the girls while they were completely DRUNK at the parties ( they wouldn't remember later), he was the one who actually made said plan mentioned before, but they didn't knew at the house because he was a completely different person when he was alone with the guys. A complete scumbag, he mocked and made fun of every woman on the house because of their looks etc. Sooo, all those millions of feminists watching were like : "do we take the biggest jerk and make the girls think we think they are lying or ?" Well, we decided to take the bigger toxic monster first, and left the other one for the next. But we had a special card. Every year, after the show starts, they put a glass house in the middle of a mall, with 4 candidates inside, we vote for 2 of them to be on the actual show yada yada. What happened was:people started showing off by the mall, with posters, begging for whomever got in the house to :"PLEASE TELL THE GIRLS EVERYONE BELIEVE THEM. THAT THEY ARE NOT LYING. THAT THEY HAVE MILLIONS OF SUPPORTERS. THAT HE ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE THE OTHER WAS WORSE ETC"

So, last night was elimination day, the worst one got out with 80% elimination A victory for us (there were 4 people on this run, and one of them is a Black guy, fat, older than everyone else, and by history, he would obviously be the first eliminated but he was the one with LESS VOTES. AGAIN THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED IN OUR COUNTRY SPECIALLY SINC THE FOURTH PERSON COMPETING IS A CARISMATIC YOUNG KOREAN MAGICIAN YOUTUBER WITH A NETWORTH OF MILLIONS, BUT THE BLACK GUY WAS LESS VOTED THAN HIM, GUYS I CAN'T STOP WRITING IN CAPS.The second worst one tho, comeback celebrating, saying he knew he was right. Singing victory. The girls were crashed. No one understood and they all started crying and talking about how it was a reflection of our country, but that they wouldn't change their ideals etc. (Again, they didn't knew everything trash bag number one did, cuz he did it in secret so they thought it was an answer)... well, 2am, the couple from the glass house got in. And they told them. They said everything. How the public loves them, and the why the other one got out first, and how we knew they were saying the truth. This part is just a sweet ending for y'all. They then proceeded to get all the woman in one bedroom and talked and talked, they even explained to the ones who had some deep patriarchal mindset and were believing the boys up until that point, they had conversations about feminism, about not accepting to be treated that way, they cried, they were so relieved, it's silly because is a reality show, but last night everyone felt like we were supported. Like, people got our backs! People agree that we wont take that bullshit anymore. In other editions those guys would be the handsome guys that all the girls would die to be with, you know? But know they are the villains. It happened. The girls are not the crazy ones. They are not the powerless wones. They were the STRONG ONES forming OPINIONS, moving the big pieces on the board.

I can't even talk about how this will impact on many young girls, especially with all those girls having such strong stories you know? Today is a reality show but whatch us on the booting vote! Watch us at the March's. Just watch us. I'm telling y'all. Brasil is gonna turn this shit upside down.

Anyways here is a little clip of when our guardian Angel Dan, told the girls that they should trust Marcela's word

The relief the felt, we all felt. Having your word taken seriously after being called crazy and lier...

( even the production of the show tryied to deny the guys plan was real before the videos started pouring up, and they had to take back after saying on national television that Marcela was lying. Because that was the standard)

#big brother #BBB #Big Brother Brazil #big brother brasil #marcela mc gowan #Feminism #third wave feminism #inclusive feminism #liberal feminism #lgbt+

[ivyanderscn]

COURTNEY EATON   ,   CIS FEMALE   ,   SHE/HER         →         according   to   the   school   records   ,   IVY HAEATA ANDERSON   has   been   attending   sacred   heart   for   the   past   three years   .   i   last   saw   them   hanging   around   the john bracken library   ;   i   think   they   were   writing poetry in a leather-bound notebook   .   at   twenty one   years   old   ,   ivy   has   been   studying   english literature  and   get   this   ,   i   heard   that   she roams the tunnels when plagued by insomnia in the dead of night   —   figure   it’s   true   ?   everyone   around   here   always   associates   them   with   faded photographs with illegible writing on the back, shaky hands clutching a bouquet of wilted flowers, and the soft sound of rain hitting the roof   .   in   the   time   since   these   strange   happenings   ,   they   have   encountered   unexplained   occurrences    .         (   written   by   rose   ,   23   ,   she/her   ,   est   )

hello lovelies!! my name is rose and apparently i like plant names because this is ivy! i’m super excited to be here. like this and i’ll hit you up to plot!! (or you can dm me, my discord is scoops troops#4933)

tw for death, bullying

- ivy grew up in kaikoura, new zealand. her mother was also raised in kaikoura, while her father was from england. they met as students at the university of canterbury. they had always known that after they graduated, he would go back to the uk, but what they hadn’t planned on was her mother becoming pregnant with ivy. (it was very scandalous, especially given that this was 1952). he had a promising job offer back in england so he left, leaving ivy’s mother and grandmother to raise her. she had a happy childhood in a beautiful beachside town, raised by two women she loved and admired. ivy did go to england every year to spend the summer with her father, and while she didn’t have the best relationship with him, she knew he loved her in his own way.

- when ivy was 11, her mom died. it was extremely devastating for both her and her grandmother. ivy had always been shy, but the loss made her retreat even further into herself. she had always loved reading, and after her mother’s death books became her best friends. she began reading at an advanced level and always had her nose in a book. it wasn’t long before she started writing, too, mostly journaling but also short stories and poetry (the kind of stuff she looks back on now and cringes, but was decent for an 11 year old). a couple years after her mother died, ivy found a box filled with dozens of her mother’s journals. she’s read every page at least five times, and sometimes will look through them to see what her mother was doing on that day however many years ago. they helped ivy feel close to her mom, and the profound impact that they had on her inspired her to become a writer.

- ivy’s shyness made her kind of an easy target in terms of bullying, a seemingly never-ending stream of insults and name calling, and for a long time she just took it because she didn’t think there was any other way to deal with it. but one day when she was in high school, some boys said some… less than savory things about her mom (small town, young single mother, people suck, etc. etc.) and she flipped out. like all of this anger that even ivy didn’t know was bubbling under the surface just kind of exploded. it was so shocking to people, for this sweet, quiet girl to become so loud and angry, that they found it amusing and the bullying got worse. 

- her grandmother was her rock, but she decided she wanted to get as far away from there as she could, and her father suggested she look at universities in the uk. ivy wasn’t sure what drew her to sacred heart, but it just felt like the place she was supposed to be.

- given how shy ivy is, she’s not always the easiest to get to know and she doesn’t have a lot of friends. she’s definitely a wallflower type (wow my subconscious really named this wallflower after a plant that grows on walls, idk how to feel about this lsakdjfhsldkfjhsd) and she typically lets other people take the lead in conversations. she comes across as mousy, in a sweet sort of way. but for the people who actually do get to know her, she’s an extremely kind and loyal person. she’s really passionate about literature and art and music and history and if you’re talking about any of that? all of a sudden she won’t shut up. she doesn’t handle strong emotions well, like she definitely happy cries. and angry cries. and tired cries. basically she cries a lot. her anger is a lot more in check than it was when she was a teenager, but if she feels like someone or something she cares about has been disrespected she will lash out quite suddenly. (and then go cry about it). she’s kind of a mess, emotionally speaking, the one thing that really helps her handle that is writing about her feelings, and she journals religiously. 

- a few quick headcanons: she listens to music like 92% of the time and you can thank her dad for a deep love of britpop and jazz. she loves baking and if she has access to an oven she’ll probably give you cookies on a regular basis. she’s left handed and the side of her hand is always covered in ink smudges. she’ll do stupid things because she thinks it will be good inspiration for a story, when in reality, she’s just being stupid. she has terrible insomnia and sometimes reads encyclopedias to try to fall asleep. she likes to hide behind a camera and take pictures of other people to avoid having pictures taken of her. cannot sing to save her life. loves black coffee and cigarettes and is in denial that beatniks aren’t cool anymore. is pretty much always carrying around a book. scribbles in the margins of everything. her new zealand accent is noticeable but not thick, and is gradually fading the longer she’s in the uk. 

and more aesthetics because it was really hard to narrow down to three: dirt underneath your fingernails, tear-stained cheeks, getting lost in a museum, messy hair, always being cold, stargazing, oversized wool sweaters, preferring to listen rather than speak, homesickness.

wanted connections:

ride or die!!, fairly self-explanatory, someone she can be 100% herself around and in exchange for their love and friendship she’d, you know,  die for them

close friends, pretty much the same thing??

someone she knew from her summers in england!! (i’m pretending that new zealand has their extended school break during the northern hemisphere summer ok)

roommate, i don’t know which would be better, them getting along or them hating each other

enemy/annoyance, it’s not exactly easy to piss her off but once you do she is pissed

writing buddies?? like they share their work with each other and give notes and stuff, maybe in some sort of club?

some sort of mentor? a lit professor would be great but really anyone who teaches the arts/humanities, bonus points for cultists

a professor who hates her, she’s such a goody goody that would really kill her

bad boy meets good girl, honestly i’m a sucker for this trope, i love mess what can i say

really any kind of opposites attract situation, romantic or platonic

flirtationship, she’s really not good at being upfront about how she feels but maybe she’ll write something that’s the poetry version of subtweeting about them, she’s angsty as fuck

exes, just more mess and angst please and thank you

idk if this is too sadistic but maybe the wrong corner of a love triangle? like, the corner that gets left behind when the triangle becomes a line (i can’t do geometry analogies i’m sorry) just a thought because...mess

literally anything, i’m not picky, i want it all

#heretics:intro

[cromulentbookreview]

Menstruation!

Yes, that’s right, menstruation! Something half the world’s population experiences on a monthly basis - the regular discharge of blood and mucosal tissue from inner uterine lining through the vagina and...are all the dudes gone? 

Sweet. 

Let’s talk about Mackenzi Lee’s fiercely feminist follow-up to The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue: The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy!

“You’re trying to play a game designed by men. You’ll never win, because the deck is stacked and marked, and also you’ve been blindfolded and set on fire. You can work hard and believe in yourself and be the smartest person in the room and you’ll still get beat by the boys who haven’t two cents to rub together.” - From the ARC of The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy

For some reason, I have a terrible time writing about things I really, really like. I can go on and on about that one thing that I hate (and I do, often), but when I like something, I say “hey, I like that” and then not much else. My eloquence deserts me when I have to articulate why it is I love something beyond “aw man it’s the best” and then nothing else. Not sure why that is. What I do know is that I finished reading The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy on August 28th, actually, it was August 1. I know how dates work. I started writing a review as soon as I finished it, then just...didn’t. Perhaps it’s pure laziness. Perhaps its writer’s block. Perhaps it’s because I’m in the middle of another epic book binge (five books in, four to go, plus a novella and possibly an ARC of book 10!). 

Whatever the reason, I’ve come back to this review over and over, determined to be clever and such, but...man it’s just harder to write about things you love versus the things you hate. It’s very easy to criticize (fun, too), but writing endless praise gets boring fast.

So how am I supposed to describe how much I love Mackenzi Lee’s books?

Mackenzi Lee’s works are the book equivalent of a warm, comforting hug. A hug delivered directly to your brain, with words. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue was one of the best books I read last year, and its sequel does not disappoint in the slightest. Lady’s Guide is 100% pure feminist awesomeness. If you’ve ever been angered by the patriarchy, then this book is definitely for you.

Since praise is hard and complaining is fun, let me take a moment to complain.

All girls, all women, really, know how it is to feel “less-than” for simply being female. That shit starts the minute we’re born and it’s pervasive as fuck. It never stops. Even in a world where a family cannot survive on just one income, women are expected to work two jobs: one for pay, and one for free. Women are described not as people, but as extensions of others: “Wife”, “Mother”, “Girlfriend”, “Daughter” - as if that is all we are, and all we’re expected to be. (On a related note, I am so tired of books with titles that end with “wife”, “daughter”, “sister,” etc. Also, describing women as “girls.” Fuck that shit, I’m an adult, don’t you call me “girl.”). All the bad things that happen to women are our own fault somehow. Rather than teaching men not to attack women, women are expected to take every single precaution in the universe to protect themselves from men. A single “lapse”? Well, then, anything that a man does to you is your fault. Ladies, have you ever had to fake a hypothetical male partner in order to avoid being harassed? Because men would automatically respect a non-existent male before a real human female?

I am so fucking tired of all of that shit. I am so tired of women being blamed for every single bad thing that happens to them. I am so tired of men getting away with harassing, demeaning and belittling women. I am so tired of male authors saying shit like “Mary Shelley didn’t really write Frankenstein!” I am so tired of women’s accomplishments being treated as “less-than.” I am so tired of a woman’s value being equated with whether or not she has a husband or children. I am so tired of a woman’s worth being equated with her appearance. I am tired of being paid less for the same work my male coworkers do. I am so tired of job interviews with loaded questions meant to suss out whether or not you’re planning on taking maternity leave (because it’s illegal to ask if someone is planning on having kids, but perfectly OK to ask “what are your future plans?” wink wink). I am so tired of all of it. It’s bullshit. All of it is bullshit, and the fact that being a woman means fighting an uphill battle every goddamn day just makes me tired.

And all I’ve described above is just a fraction of the bullshit women of color experience. It’s the fucking worst.

This is why we need books like Lady’s Guide. The patriarchy might not be as visible or obviously terrible as it was in the 18th century, but it’s still here, and still as toxic as ever. 

Ahem. Anyway. Ladies Guide! See, I can complain forever. When it comes to things I love I’m like “uh, I love it, you should read it” and that’s it.

Lady’s Guide takes place roughly a year after the end of Gentleman’s Guide - Felicity is living and working in a bakery in Edinburgh. She’s been trying, and mostly failing, to get accepted into medical school. But, this being the 18th century, and Felicity being a woman, she doesn’t get very far. After her coworker at the bakery proposes to her, dismissing Felicity’s desires for an education as nothing more than a phase, Felicity decides to take off and try again in London. She sets up shop with her brother and Percy, living happily ever after (because Monty/Percy forever, goddamn it!) and attempts to get into one of the London medical schools via subterfuge. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out. Felicity is on the verge of giving up when one of the hospital’s more enlightened board members gives her the contact info for Alexander Platt - a trailblazer in the medical field and Felicity’s idol. Dr. Platt might just take a woman on as a student, but he’s all the way in Stuttgart...

...about to get married to Felicity’s childhood best friend, Johanna Hoffmann. Sounds like a perfect way for Felicity to ingratiate herself with Dr. Platt, right?

Except Johanna and Felicity had a falling out years ago. As kids, Felicity and Johanna loved exploring and science and getting dirty, but, as they got older, Johanna started showing more interest in “girly” things while Felicity’s interests never strayed. Nothing like that painful phase of adolescence where you look around and see that all your friends have changed, gotten into boys and makeup and all that shit, while all you want to do is read Tolkien and watch Sailor Moon...

Such a classic episode. 

Anyway, Felicity decides to say “fuck it,” and head off to see Johanna in Stuttgart anyway, because this is her chance and she’s not going to throw away her shot.* So Felicity teams up with Sim, a friend of the pirates from Gentleman’s Guide, ditches Monty and Percy and heads off for the continent. 

And if reuniting with an ex-best friend who you haven’t spoken to or seen in years isn’t awkward enough, meeting your hero, who is about to get married to said ex-best friend, is even worse. Like all heroes, Dr. Platt isn’t exactly everything Felicity thought he would be. And his upcoming marriage to Johanna isn’t exactly a love match on either side...

Lady’s Guide is not only a massive brain-hug, it’s existence-affirming. Felicity writes herself a message, one she returns to time and time again throughout the book, and something all women and girls  should hear: You Deserve To Be Here. Yes. Yes you fucking do. Felicity deserves to attend medical school - but men block her path. She deserves to be her own woman, an intellectual, a scientist - all of that, without being scoffed at. 

Lee also makes the point, throughout the book, that the patriarchy is not just men. Women perpetuate patriarchy as well by bullying and policing the behavior of other women. We’re kept down by our own infighting. We see this in the relationship between Felicity and Johanna, whose friendship fell apart because of their differing views on femininity. Felicity was keen to reject feminine trappings, like clothes, makeup, boys, etc., focusing instead on her books. Johanna wanted to embrace her femininity and be a scientist. Felicity looked down her nose at Johanna’s embrace of the traditionally feminine, and Johanna resented Felicity’s high-and-mighty-better-than-you attitude, and thus their childhood friendship fell apart.

The relationship between Johanna and Felicity and their views on femininity is very much like Sansa and Arya Stark. On the Sansa-Arya spectrum, Arya is all about rejecting traditional femininity - no frilly dresses or talk of marriage for Arya. No, she’s all about sword-fighting and vengeance and wearing other people’s faces as masks. Sansa, on the other end of the spectrum, embraces traditional Westerosi femininity, at first suffering it’s trappings, but then she learns to embrace it in another way. Sansa learns to wear her femininity like armor, and use it to her advantage. First, she uses it to survive in King’s Landing, where one wrong move would have gotten her killed, then she uses it to get the same thing Arya hopes to get with her assassin skills: vengeance. Independently, Sansa and Arya are both powerful women. Together? Aw, man. Shit’s going to go down.

I do have one nitpicky complaint, re: Lady’s Guide.

At one point, Johanna tells Sim: “I will drag you back to Bavaria by the ear and take you to court there if I must.”

OK, so in the novel, Johanna lives in Stuttgart. Stuttgart is in Baden-Württemberg, though so...why is Johanna threatening to drag Sim to Bavaria? In the early 1700s, Stuttgart was part of the Duchy of Württemberg which was definitely not in Bavaria. I’m not sure how the Swabians would take it if they were mistaken for Bavarians. Or vice-versa. And heaven forbid you mix up Bavaria and Franconia, even though Franconia is technically now a part of Bavaria…

Ok. Here’s the thing, though. Germany, as it is today didn’t exist until the 90s. The 1990s. Until then the 99.999999% of German history is trying to figure out the goddamned map. There was no unified “Germany” until 1871, and even then the borders didn’t mesh with what they are today. The area that we refer to as “Germany” historically was about 100,000,000 little Kingdoms/Grand Duchies/Duchies/Electorates/Principalities/city-states/what-have-yous tangled together by the Holy Roman Empire, until Napoleon kicked the Holy Roman Empire’s ass in 1805, leading to Francis II to dissolve the Empire in 1806 then it was the German Confederation with the same amount of Kingdoms/Grand Duchies/Duchies/Electorates/Principalities/city-states/what-have-yous … Jesus, just look at the maps. I mean, look at  Baden-Württemberg in the 18th century alone! 

I honestly don’t know how actual Germans sort this out. It’s easier to just be like “OK, we’re just going to start at 1871 and go forward, OK? Let’s just call everything that came before Germany and move on.”

Still, if you’re from Stuttgart and you show up in Bavaria to file a complaint, you’d probably get laughed at by a bunch of mustachioed dudes who’ve been drinking since 9 AM.  

But really, that is my only complaint. Read The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy. If you pre-order it, you can get a bonus ebook epilogue to Gentleman’s Guide!  So...go do that. 

RECOMMENDED FOR: Everyone, women especially.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Assholes, men’s right’s activists.

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,000/5

RELEASE DATE: October 2, 2018

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SEQUEL/CONTINUATIONS: Olympus Mons

AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK ME TO WRITE THIS RIDICULOUS REVIEW: 21 days.  Hahaha, no it took me 48 days. Because...fuck...I don’t know.

* (curse you, Lin-Manuel Miranda!)

#the lady's guide to petticoats and piracy #mackenzi lee #montague siblings #monty/percy #felicity montague #historical fiction #ya historical #ya feminist fiction #we need diverse books #YA LGBT #lgbtq literature #the gentleman's guide to vice and virtue

[siarven]

Day 7 - Worldbuilding/ Dragons!

Worldbuilding of Aelaris - DRAGONS!  @originalficfest​ — THANK YOU so much for doing this! It was amazing :D (And I’m actually really sad that this is the last day! So much motivation...)

|| Introduction | Day 1 - Characters | Day 2 - Romantic Relationships | Day 3 - Non-Romantic Relationships | Day 4 - Quote Day | Day 5 - Music Day | Day 6 - Pictures Day | Day 7 - Worldbuilding/Dragons ||

First of all, there are several different classifications of dragons, and none of them are originally from Aelaris but from a different world entirely. If you want to read more about them, there’s info below (a lot ahahah). 

Anyways, dragons in the world of Dreams and Shadows! Dragons have existed for the past 500 years — since the Apocalypse. This means that everyone living today has never known a world in which dragons don’t exist. The dragons living in Merreadon, the city in which most of the story takes place, are predominantly very small — there are several different kinds but for the sake of simplicity the ones that are most common there are Featherdragons and mammal-based ones that don’t have a proper name yet but might probably end up being called Fuzzydragons (if you have an idea for a proper name you could send me a message, haha.). There are as many different kinds of featherdragons as there are different kinds of birds and most of them just sit around doing bird things, basically. Some are really intelligent and capable of speech, others not quite, mostly depending on the individual. 

All of them can communicate via mind-link (via Essence/magic) but some haven’t quite mastered language yet, so they use images and sounds and smells in addition to words. To the inhabitants of Merreadon it’s completely normal that there are dragons sitting everywhere, building nests, rearing their young, shitting on your coat when you go to work… just imagine a bunch of kids playing with a ball, and then they throw it accidentally into a bush where a featherdragon is sitting and the next thing they know the tiny creature is cussing at them violently inside their head? :D Also, there are two modes featherdragons: ball of floof and aesthetically sleek. :D Some people think that they’re different species but mostly it’s a question of temperature xD Featherdragons are somewhere between sparrow-sized and eagle-sized, at least the ones living in Merreador. 

Then there are the mammal-based dragons, which range from squirrel-sized to large-dog-sized, though the bigger ones don’t roam the streets of Merreadon and prefer to live in the woods instead. They lead similar lives to the featherdragons and love fruit most of all. They are also really great at remembering things so some people use them as messengers by bribing them with fruit to transmit messages. This only works somewhat, though, because they’re also very mischievous and resist taming 100% of the time. Featherdragons generally don’t care about people and prefer their flocks, living wild and free the way they want. They can’t be tamed and usually die in captivity so it’s illegal to own one (not to speak of the fact that you’ll only “own” them for about a month before they refuse to eat or drink) They are true free spirits. Fuzzydragons, by comparison, are loners that love playing pranks on people. They’re generally smarter than featherdragons. They also tend to “choose” humans to hang out with, especially lonely humans, and can become lifelong friends. They might still end up pranking you, though. It’s just in their nature. So it’s very possible that, if you suffer from depression or mental illness, you might end up having a fuzzydragon follow you, trying to make you laugh. You might just end up becoming friends for life.

The Apocalypse, how Dragons came into being, and why people call them dragons.

There was this apocalypse some 500 years ago. Basically people had once made a pact with the Ellariel (mythic beings) that granted them magic powers, more or less. This led to humanity getting a shit-ton done and creating a great amount of technology and generally being quite unkind to their home-world. The Ellariel finally saw that coming and broke the pact, redrawing and breaking off any contact with humans, but by then it was more or less too late. It took a few hundred years until humanity regained their footing but in the end it didn’t change the outcome, it just pushed it back.

So now we’re at the point where the planet is on the brink of utter destruction — climate change, animal extinction rate going through the roof, no natural resources left, most people fighting for survival in ruined cities while the 1% has all the power, money, and food. Usual crap.

Now there was one Ellariel in specific, Luzire, who really, really did not like this. So she made a few deal to get enough power to change that, which in turn made her go completely lunatic (I mean, she did become Master of Chaos, after all…). And then she used this power to sway a few important followers into joining her cause: Wiping humanity off the face of the earth.

That was the apocalypse: When nature suddenly went insane because Luzire used her chaotic powers to give plants mobility, to make animals into monsters, and to generally wreak havoc. When the remaining (and opposing) Ellariel finally managed to stop her some years later there were only a few pockets of humans left and the world couldn’t be compared to what it had been anymore. The technology, buildings, steel, glass — everything gone, just ruins left. Basically, nature was returned to its original state — but most animals were different from before, and somewhere during the chaos dragons had slipped through. And since most humans were dead and there were so few left that the ones who remembered probably never saw one everything the following generations had were tales that had been handed down from their ancestors, including tales of dragons — except that they’d only been mythology in that past world. Today’s society calls dragons “dragons” because of those stories. They are somewhat certain that there were no dragons before the apocalypse but nobody knows for sure. And since in this world they’re kind of uncreative with naming, everything with four legs and two wings is called a dragon, even if the different species have very little in common. There are amphibious dragons, reptilian, mammalian, and finally, bird-dragons! They were created during the Apocalypse by Viridaeya, Goddess of Creation, though they weren’t meant to roam this world. They just found a chink and slipped through — to be specific, the Sanctuary, the multi-storey garden structure at the centre of Merreadon, the city in which Dreams and Shadows takes place predominantly. That’s also why there are so many dragons living there, and why the Sanctuary is as beautiful as it is. People don’t consciously notice but they can sort of feel it and therefore there are a lot of superstitions surrounding dragons. They’re also rather well-treated by almost everyone :)

Dragons are very smart — not the way a person is smart, but of a different kind of intelligence. Most of them are capable of speech, though it’s inside your head, so not really a word-based language — more sensory-based, with sounds, images and smells. They use their connection to the Essence for that.

Species of dragons.

There are many different kinds of dragons and only a few of them live as far north as Merreadon. The typical, “proper” reptile-based dragons do exist, and even in big sizes, but there are only very few of those big ones. Some kinds of reptilian dragons never stop growing, and they have a rather long life-time because there are no age limits for they since they feed off Essence (magic, basically) in addition to “normal” food. Anyways, these big dragons can only exist because of Essence, otherwise their immense weight would crush them. They’re also incapable of flight because they’re generally too heavy. They could fly, once, but that was one or two centuries back. Anyways. The big dragons that exist are the ones that still live, First Generation. They also love eating people, and live a lot further to the south where they prefer to live their lives undisturbed by humans. While humans do taste quite good, they also make a lot of trouble ;)

Reptile dragons exist in multiple forms: just scales and “bat wings”, typical dragon fashion; just scales and scaled arms from which feathers grow; and partially feathered all over their body, with feather wings. There are also a few aquatic species, which get really large, too. 

There are no reptile dragons in Merreadon because it gets far too cold in winters and while it could be colder in summer they do prefer it hot or at least warm year-round. There are a few specialized species that spend the winter deeply buried somewhere (like snakes) but none as far north as Merreadon, apart from the aquatic species. There are a few deep sea terrors in the arctic oceans, and they mostly survive because of Essence, and because they can slow down their metabolism to incredible depths.

Amphibious dragons! They live mainly underwater, and they’re the weirdest, coolest, and largest of them all, especially the deep sea dragons! There are a few kinds that don’t get very large, though, and one of these kinds is common in the streams and rivers on Merreadon island. They don’t get longer than a chopstick and their wings have been re-purposed into awesome paddles XD Ava and Ben have caught one, once, and Ben got bit and had to go to the hospital because of possible infections :P Ava was still rather small back then so she had a few nightmares during the following nights. And then she decided to find another one but never did.

There are also insect dragons, of course, chitin dragons. They live to the west and south and everyone hates them with a burning passion. They are mostly really annoying and will talk to you inside your head. Which is worst of all, basically.

The bird dragons! In addition to the ones above, two species can become as large as 2m shoulder height, but the rest stays rather small — song-bird size, max eagle size. Also, the large ones don’t occur near Merreadon.

And, finally, mammalian dragons! They are the most common kind of dragon in/around Merreadon and range from very small sizes (squirrel-sized) to large-dog size. They have bat-like wings, with skin between the wing-fingers. They can be put in the “floof” category or the “sleek” category. There are more floof dragon species in Merreadon :D

Generally speaking, dragons are theoretically immortal, if they want to be, at least concerning old age. This is most visible in the reptilian and amphibious dragons. Chitin dragons usually don’t get much older than 10 years, and bird and mammal dragons are somewhere between 20 and 100 years, depending on the individual. If a mammal dragon has chosen a human as their companion they’ll usually live as long a their human does, and then die when they die. Bird dragons usually live as long as their chosen mate. There are documented cases of queer dragons raising the babies of deceased parent dragons, because while it doesn’t happen often, accidents can occur at any time and there are lots of animals that eat dragon. And sometimes humans are just mean.

@prismalicht, @madmooninc @lynnafred @romenna @merigreenleaf @yoojas3d@fynniana @random-stuff-thrown-into-a-pot :D If you want to be added/removed please tell me!

#dreamshadow #dragons #worldbuilding #featherdragons #originalficfest #siarven writes

[indianfilmhistorystuff]

How do The Audience Prefer to Watch a Film ? – OTT vs Cinema Theatres

The debate regarding the direct-to-digital release has witnessed a massive rift in the Hindi film industry.

The debate on whether the cinema halls will lose its charm or who will win the war? OTT v/s Cinema Theatres.

What is the opinion of the audience in general? how would they prefer to watch a film?

Whether like always, first day first show in the theatres or first day first show in the comforts of one’s home?

With cinemas shutting down due to the Covid-19 the demand for OTT platform has risen with more and more producers opting to release their films on digital platform that has more viewership then ever before.  They are looking at skipping the traditional routes hence the debate is over direct-to-digital releases.

Last week the much awaited film ‘ Gulabo Sitabo’ by one of the prominent directors, Shoojit Sircar, Starring Amitabh Bachchan and Ayushman Khurana and  Shakuntala Devi by Anu Menor  were released on the Amazon Prime Video.

Amazon went on to acquire titles of regional films like Jyotika starrer Ponmangal Vandhar along with Four other digital premiers.  The OTT platform which is already popular for many years is speculating several other film releases, including that of Akshay Kumar’ s Laxmmi Bomb, Karan Johar’s Gunjan Saxena-  The Kargil Girl which are in the advance stages of discussion with the digital deals.

The new trend setter of releasing films on OTT has drawn criticism from the theatre owners And film exhibitors across India. While multiplex like INOX chain have spoken of retributive measures in their Statement, PVR has urged producers to hold on to their film releases until theatres are opened after the Corona outbreak is cleared.

Earlier the Tamil Nadu Theatre and Multiplex Owners Association had expressed their disappointment over their huge investments in infrastructure where in CEO Mohan Umrotkar, of Carnival cinemas had created employment for 2 lakh people over 450 operational screens across India. In addition to this, revenue the film exhibition sector also creates employment for over 2 lakh people. If the trend of releasing films on OTT platforms continues, there will be a cause of concern according to Mohan.

The Indian Box Office has generally generated a yearly revenue of Rs.10 to 15,000 crores. With the theatres remaining shut indefinitely, lot of business is lost and the situation gets no help from any Potential earners.

With ‘Gulabo Sitabo’ and ‘Shakuntala Devi’ going live on OTT there is an additional loss of Rs. 100 to 125 Crores. However, CEO Mohan believes that this situation is temporary in an extra ordinary circumstances due to unforeseen pandemic that has taken its toll on the film industry as well as the cinemas. He is confident that once the lockdown is lifted and the normalcy is restored, the industry will be back again with them.

Bollywood has predominantly maintained the eight-week window between the theatrical and the digital Releases and if a film is sold to the OTT one can do nothing about it to stop it in the given situation, says Manoj Desai, executive director of G7 Multiplex, and Maratha Mandir Cinema in Mumbai.

At present we are not sure when the cinemas will open and what measures will be taken. In the given Circumstances, the theatre owners can only wait for the crises to subside to start thinking ahead with their new plans.

While acknowledging the plight of producers, Manoj Desai says there can be no comparison with the theatrical experience which is irreplaceable. The films being telecasted on OTT were actually made for theatrical view like Sooryavanshi which won’t go for the digital release and will wait for the cinemas to Resume.

Last month the Hindi films Bamfaad and Ateet were released on ZEE5 and the the platform premiered, Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s long delayed comedy , Ghoomketu  on May 22nd, 2020.

Since its inception, the goal is to entertain the audience says Aparna Acharekar, the programming Head of ‘ Be Calm Be Entertained’ Initiative.   In addition, they also acquired the rights towards the Blockbuster films across languages and diverse topics.   The contents are however free and on premium.

The digital release of feature films is not a new concept. It always existed when the OTT platforms came to light. According to the 2020 FICCI-EY report around 50 low budget films were released directly on the OTT platforms across India in 2019 alone.  Streaming subscriptions the advent of the OTT began as it saw small films were less saleable names while OTT also guaranteed a wider audience for these small filmmakers. It also meant they could save on the prints and advertising costs.  As a theatrical release is quite expensive affair with the major content acquisition lies with the film distribution company.

While the trend has helped the cinema to survive, it has also created implications for the larger Businesses such as producing a film or for the theatre owners and affecting big businesses.

With people banned from going to cinemas and cinemas all shut across most parts of India, the reopening of the theatres is indefinite. Though Mohan Desai is expecting the cinema business to resume this July with a partial sitting capacity in the theatres, after sanitization, wearing protective masks, it is not clear if the audience would like to take a risk or the cinema goers are now used to being cooped up at home and watch a film on the OTT in the comforts of their home for health and safety reasons. That too if the number of positive cases is reduced across the country.

Film shootings have also been indefinitely postponed globally hence the OTT-Theatrical rift is felt Across the supply chain. There are no film promotions like it was earlier, no lavish affairs which have now been reduced to webinars and telephonic interviews, online video conferencing, marketers are forced to take a turn towards benefiting the digital media firms who are operating through the crisis.

Digital Media consumption has increased and people are glued to their devices says Gautam Be Thakker The chief employee of Every media Technologies.

A digital release is a different ball game altogether, the digital distribution to the well established OTT platforms has several advantages like content exclusivity, no pre-existing theatrical relationship.

Every film release has had a unique strategy to stand out on the film streaming on various platforms.

Yet there is a segment,  a huge one that still continues to say that they love going to the theatres and that Is something they are looking forward to and hope it will never change.

The truth is that we all enjoy going to the theatres which is something that will never change.”

The ongoing Covid-19 lockdown has created its impact in almost all sectors and all businesses across the World. however, it is believed that the most hit industry is the film industry and television industry. As several producers of films have decided to release their films on OTT Platforms as they are not Expecting the theatres to open anytime soon.  Hence the OTT vs theatres debate continues to the Unforeseen future.

The PVR cinemas a few days back made a grand announcement that through a video and their messaging, that their theatres are all gearing up for the movie lovers with all the safety measures to invite their clients, the movie lovers with the equipment’s and proper social distancing, sanitizing etc. However the government hasn’t granted permission for the movie theatres to open therefor no movie releases are expected in the near future in the theatres.

A few months before the corona lockdown, Mukesh Ambani the owner of Jio mobiles had promised that the using the device the audience and viewers would be able to watch the cinema first day first show in the comfort zone of their own home. During that time nobody had even thought that it would soon come to effect.  It’s like God’s Verdict. How did Mukesh Ambani dream of this and Jio benefit out of this new project they had in mind to adopt this during the pandemic spread in the country.

The new technology is here to stay for a very very long time and has its own charm that is totally a new experience for the movie lovers. The filmmakers are always in a dilemma whether to release the film on OTT or wait for its release in the theatres.

It is no surprise that the film industry has been affected the most and have sunk into huge debuts during this period.  Hence producers and filmmakers are thinking twice and taking quick decisions to release films on various OTT platforms like the recent Angrezi Medium, Gulabo Sitabo and many that followed soon after.  Including Alia Bhatt’s Sadak2, Sushant Singh Rajput’s Dil Bechara, and many others while the audience are lapping it all up and eager to watch it on the OTT channel.  Senior actors like Ajay Devgn and Akshay Kumar have also decided that they are not going to stay behind and have announced their films on the Hot star, another OTT platform a few days ago.

Our nation, a 135 to 140 plus crore population not everybody can afford to watch films in cinemas even Before the lockdown.  Also one noticed the films theatres did not run a film for many weeks. Sometimes a film hardly ran in the theatres and did badly at the box office collections. So the OTT platform is one of its kind when the films are on the platform for a long time streaming, trending for the audience. it is better than the pirated videos that people were crazy about and would have a parallel cinema illegally, with the distribution of the pirated videos of the films which were sold at a meagre sum of Rs. 100 per cassette.

Technology has advanced considerably since then and brought about the change and this change is expected to stay for a very long time to come.

Sushant Singh Rajput’s shocking death has brought his fans across demanding his last film Dil Bechara to be released in theatres for it’s the last film of their favourite star, however it is said the film is being released on Hot Star under the movement, #sushantonbigscreen. Time will tell whether the audience prefer the big screen or the OTT.

Judging the collections will be by gone days now when 100 to 330 crore fights may no longer exist or stay true. As streaming sites unlike YouTube does not show the number of viewers.

Abhishek Bachchan has expressed his views on the subject by stating that there is less judgement in a web than in a cinema who is also on the verge of making digital debut in the show, ‘Breathe”Into the Shadows’.  The actor says there is less pressure and one does not have to worry about the box office Figures.  However, people will still judge his performance which in turn will be reverted to film critics and largely his next web film will largely depend on his popularity in this first digital film that is going to be released soon.

#ott #cinema theater #ott v/s cinema theater #bollywood news #indian film history #cinema gossip

[the-record-columns]

Sept. 18, 2019: Columns

The ‘Death Quilt’…

The  ‘Death Quilt.’

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

While I love to find things old and unusual, I have no ability whatever to see something else in the miscellaneous items I may run across.

For example, I have a whole barrel of railroad spikes from which I occasionally will give one to a child who seems to enjoy the old things here at the offices of The Record and Thursday Printing.

However, persons I like to call folk artists, for example, the late Calvin Linville, may see that same railroad spike and envision a green grasshopper complete with wire legs and big eyes made out of washers.

To that end, today’s story revolves around death, and some folks’ quirky attitudes and opinions about it.

I have several items around here that involve death or dying. A photo of my Aunt Cleo who died at about 3 or 4 years old. They had no photographs of her and took one after she died. She was a beautiful child and her picture is positively angelic, but The Record’s editor, Jerry Lankford, and my wife, both say it is creepy. (So I hung the photo in Heather Dean’s office, as she is not afraid of anything.) I also have a wicker death basket, used by undertakers well over 100 years ago to pick up bodies from the home; a tombstone rescued form a trash pile in Athens, Georgia; a casket in the warehouse, as well as other assorted items of “memorabilia.”

Well, a couple of years ago, a friend of mine gave me a very unusual quilt. It seems as though her grandmother lived near a large cemetery, and, some time after a graveside service, would go through the floral funeral arrangements and remove the ribbons. Over a period of time she had a fairly large collection of these ribbons and decided to pick through them, press them out and make a quilt top from them. Sometime after she finished the quilt, she gave it to her granddaughter, who, years later, gave it to me. I thought it was a beautiful idea and an even more beautiful quilt, and knew right away where to show it off in my apartment.

However, not everyone was as excited about the quilt as I was. When I showed it to my wife at the office, she immediately launched into her “What is it with you and death?” routine, and started her “…that thing stays downstairs,” sermon. Well, I did a bit of preaching of my own and, at the end of the service, my beautiful quilt was proudly displayed hanging over the rails at the foot of the brass bed in the guest bedroom.

Periodically, at my apartment above The Record an open house of one kind or another is held. During those events, if my wife had the chance, she would refer to my quilt as “Ken’s death quilt,” and make it clear it was not there of her choosing, and go on to remind folks about the death basket and the tombstone and such downstairs.

I think it was either during the Apple Butter Festival in October or the Light up Downtown event in November that my wife was upstairs taking folks through The Mayflower that she ended up in the middle bedroom and told the story of her husband’s “Death Quilt.” There were a few folks huddled together in the bedroom as she spoke, and, when she was finished an older lady tugged her sleeve as my wife was about to leave the room. “Honey,” she began, “…that’s not a Death Quilt at all. It’s a Soul Quilt.”

That was all it took.

With that sentence–only a dozen words long–whispered by a lady with a kind face, my quilt had been rehabilitated into a thing of beauty to be shown proudly. It is a wonderful remembrance of the many souls it represents, and as a testament to folks who see worth far beyond the obvious in everyday things.

What a difference one word can make.

Israel to the rescue!

By AMBASSADOR EARL and KATHLEEN COX

Special to The Record

All conversations concerning the Middle East, and specifically the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, involve many moving parts.  The Palestinians claim that Israel is an illegal occupier of land they say they rightfully own even though archaeological evidence connects the Jews to the land since the beginning of time.  The Palestinians have created a false narrative and are working hard, aided by the liberal media, at turning their lies into truth.  A lie told often enough eventually becomes the truth.

Israel is not the enemy of the Palestinian people, assuming such a people even exist, which they do not.  Palestinians are Arabs and Israel is actually the protector of those Arabs claiming to be Palestinians.  I wonder if these people, who proclaim their desire to destroy Israel and every Jew from off the face of the earth,  have ever stopped to consider what would be their fate should Iran follow through on their threats and decide to drop a nuclear bomb on Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, or any other city in Israel.  The bomb cannot distinguish between people.  Even an accurate hit would result in the death of Israelis and Arabs alike.

Tehran is less than 1,000 miles from Tel Aviv and a mere distance of only 35 miles separates Jerusalem from Tel Aviv. Gaza is less than 50 miles from Tel Aviv and Ramallah is less than 7 miles from Jerusalem.  It’s a tight knit area. Iran is the only player on today’s world’s stage which actively and vocally declares its intentions to destroy Israel and which, despite denials, is actively pursuing nuclear weapons capabilities.  Any nuclear strike against Israel would certainly come from Iran and the Palestinians would become collateral damage.  While the Palestinians are in favor of killing all Israelis, it’s likely they have not considered all the ramifications and consequences of an Iranian strike.  If they had, their relationship may not be so cozy.  Iran is the financial backer of Hamas in Gaza. Iran is also the supplier of weapons to Hamas which they use in their attacks against Israel.

Back during the “Cold War,” there was a concept known as MAD, or Mutual Assured Destruction.  MAD preserved the world and kept the tensions between the US and the USSR, in check.  In a sense, Israel has this concept in place today.  Any nuclear strike against Israel would be attributed to Iran and Israel would respond accordingly.  While Israel is quiet about its nuclear capabilities, it’s generally believed they possess a high-tech, healthy arsenal.  Any retaliatory strike would obliterate Iran thus saving the “Palestinian” people from total destruction and annihilation.  The very people the “Palestinians” hate are the very people who are their best protectors.  Ironically, it’s Israel to their rescue!

[austinpanda]

The Spokane Diaries 03.30.2019

A lot has happened to the moving plan. And currently the plan could best be described as a vague, amorphous thing, with no clear destination, and too many tear-stained exclamation points. So I think it wise if I pause for a minute to summarize everything that’s happened up till now, with all its context, the choices we made and events which befell us.

When the plan was first formed, we immediately picked the city of Spokane, Washington to move to. It was just the right size; big enough to have everything we need, small enough not to have traffic. Decent amount of snow each year. Not next to a mountain, but a river with a gorgeous waterfall runs through it, and you can take a cable gondola ride across it. It hosted a world’s fair in the 70s, and some of those constructions remain. It has very friendly pot laws--just go in, show your ID, buy your pot.

Then, cause I’m such a genius, it occured to me that we’d picked Spokane kind of quickly, and mostly because we’d just visited Seattle, and this seemed an affordable Seattle. Perhaps, I wondered aloud, we should take a moment to consider the possibility of non-Spokane, of a different city entirely. Surely we didn’t pick the perfect place on the first attempt without even considering the rest of the lower 48, right? What might happen if we think outside the Spokane box?

A good deal of the filtering and decision-making about possible places for relocation occurs quickly and automatically. We don’t want to live anyplace that doesn’t get a decent amount of snow each year, so the bottom half of the country is therefore immediately discarded. We don’t want to live in a state that doesn’t allow recreational weed. We want natural beauty, or at least some sort of geographical or geological feature that makes it a winner. And it had to be affordable; we want to be able to afford living there and save for our dreams simultaneously.

For a period, Bangor Maine ruled the roost. It’s cold. It’s got New England natural beauty, and touches Canada, America’s hat, that country full of nice people who will never shoot you. Stephen King lives part time in a mansion in Bangor; you can take a picture of yourself standing at its spooky wrought-iron gates. It’s affordability was so-so, but it was on the eastern seaboard, less than a day’s drive to places like Boston, which was incredible! And hey, there’s always a chance you might be getting drywall screws at the hardware store and bump into Stephen King and get a selfie with the best-selling horror author ever! No mountains nearby, but...New England! Think of being there in the fall, when the leaves change color. Find a highway that’s not too heavily travelled and go driving in October and take pictures of the red, orange, and gold trees.

Problems began cropping up. The fact that the affordability was “so-so” didn’t help, and while Maine has legalized pot, political wrangling (and the endeavor’s own inherent complexity) have created a situation where dispensaries are not open for business yet, and I can’t tell when they will be.

And if anyone reading this doesn’t know about my relationship with pot, here it is: I have one, and I don’t particularly like living someplace where it’s banned for foolish reasons, such as:

It’s a gateway drug! (Then so is milk, and watching TV, and breathing air. Post hoc ergo propter hoc, dumbasses. You can’t even make that argument with alcohol, which actually can kill you.)

It robs you of your ambition! (Kinda, in that it softens the effects of certain unpleasant realities which I determine can’t be changed, and makes them easier to live with.)

It’s bad for you! (So are bacon and lethargy. That’s my decision to make, not someone else’s.)

It feeds a system whereby people are enslaved, brutalized, and killed! (No, the fact that it’s illegal feeds it. Make it legal, and no one ever shoots anyone over it again.)

Think of the children! (To quote George Carlin, fuck the children. Or possibly give them weed, too. You know how much less trauma I’d have suffered in high school if they’d had a weed club? I could have been networking in high school, for chrissakes. I might even have gone to a better college.)

Pardon that diversion. So, when last we checked, the husband and I were considering Bangor, Maine to be a possibility, but not necessarily the front-runner. What other places could we consider? Friends made suggestions; we checked them out. An early favorite was Marquette, Michigan.

Ah, lovely Marquette. It’s a picture postcard lakeside beauty. It sits on Lake Superior, and has the largest wooden dome--The Superior Dome--in the (country? known universe?). It was a small town, but it had a university and a pride parade, so it wasn’t that unfortunate squalid reactionary kind of small town. It’s beautiful in the fall, even though the fall only lasts a week. And it has that natural beauty/interesting feature we wanted, Lake Superior. With a lake that big, it’s just as good as living on the ocean, in that you can’t see anything but water all the way to the horizon, but without hurricanes. And Marquette was very affordable, best affordability of all considerations so far.

Couple of problems. Weed was just made legal by vote, but no dispensaries yet, and that could take a couple of years. And because Marquette is such a small town, with a population south of 21,000, we grew worried about our ability to find jobs. And then there was the snow.

Marquette gets about 200 inches of snow per year. One may immediately think, “Okay, well, then at least it’s less than 200 most years, right? Like 150 some years?” This year, Marquette had over 200 inches before the end of February, and they have snow as late as May. Let’s say they don’t get much more this year, and end up with 215 inches of snow per this year. That’s EIGHTEEN FEET of snow. I would sum up the first year of such conditions with, “Wow, cool! That’s a ton of snow!” And years two through infinity would be, “Holy fuck, please make it stop snowing!”

By this point, we had started with Spokane, changed our minds to Bangor, changed our minds again to definitely Marquette, then to maybe Marquette, and then all the wheels came off.

The year 2019 began, and it began poorly: the government was shut down, and because he was deemed essential, Zach was forced to continue working (for the IRS!) for no pay. Then he had a traffic accident--for him, a mountain of trauma, stress, and unwanted interaction--and his car was deemed a total loss. And the title wasn’t in his name. And his parents had to sign and notarize things, and he wasn’t close with them at the time, and they live in Montana.

All this stuff results in many extra hours of Bad Brain, lots of anger, and self-recrimination, and stress, and paperwork and interacting with potentially unpleasant people who may give you the help you need, and may not! Meanwhile, we have to keep working. Have to keep paying the bills. Have to keep making music (him) and trying not to subconsciously steer every moving plan we formulate into the rocky, prickly pear-studded embankment of failure with depressed second-guessing (me).

This brings us to a couple of weeks ago. We still have not been paid for Zach’s car by our insurance company, because of the many steps required to get the car titled in Zach’s name, all of which require signing and notarization, some here, some in Montana. And then, my brain decided to throw this out there: We’ve been to Denver. They have weed. They have mountains. They have snow, and jobs, and they’re closer! It’s under a hundo to fly there, and the flight is just over two hours. Easier to move to; easier to visit. In fact, specifically we chose Boulder. It features more snow and fewer traffic jams than Denver, though we could commute to Denver, if necessary for work.

Then, would you believe, problems. Boulder (and Denver, to a lesser extent) are not very affordable at all. It’s just right in every other aspect, but in price, it’s ungood. We’d have to spend maybe $100 less per month on rent there than here in Austin. In Marquette, with a little luck, we could spend $500 less. Think what we could do to Zach’s student loan bills with that shit! Think of the medical care and dentistry and car repairs and utility bills we could afford with that! None of that happens if we choose Boulder. We get mountains, but we pay dearly for them.

Now, to step back a smidge, consider this: I know that there will be problems with any choice we make. We’re not going to make a choice that results in us driving a U-Haul from our microscopic apartment in Austin to a mansion in Shangri-La. And I figure there’s pretty much one thing that’ll soften this transition: money. How much sounds like enough? Here’s how I tend to think of it: I’m about to do something that will involve me hanging from a rope tied to a loose branch over a thousand-foot chasm, and the only thing I’ll be able to influence is how good a rope it’s going to be. How much am I willing to pay to make sure the rope won’t fail? What if a $100 rope isn’t nearly as good as a $1,000 rope? What if the best rope you can get costs $10,000. Are you willing to spend less than that, if there’s even a chance you could save it up? ($10,000 is what we’re aiming for, by the way.) 

Something tells me there’s an easier solution to this conundrum, but it may be prohibitively difficult to find. Like...the perfect mate exists, but unfortunately, he/she/whoever lives in Turkmenistan and there’s absolutely ZERO chance that you’ll ever be within a thousand miles of ‘em, literally or figuratively. But! There’s always the chance that someone reading this may think, “Well, the solution is obvious; you just need to ignore concern X and move to city Y, and you’re kind of a dumbass for not figuring that out yourself.” The choices, then, are to ignore our concerns about weather, jobs, weed, ease to relocate to, distance from Austin, etc. and just move to Boulder, Colorado, Marquette, Michigan, Bangor, Maine, Spokane, Washington, Rapid City, South Dakota, Ashgabat, Turkmenistan (its capital!), or someplace else. Bam. Book it. Done.

This is a lot of the reason why I’ve been depressed recently: because I had a big, fat, beautiful GOAL for a while, and it got turned into a big, distressing, confusion. The best idea we’ve had so far to decide how to approach it? We’re going to save up and visit Boulder. Then we’re going to save up and visit Spokane or Marquette or Bangor. We’ll go to the places. We’ll observe our reactions. We’ll try to smart-decide instead of dumb-decide. We’ll be open to suggestions.

Marquette, Michigan

[yoonicidal-blog]

Prison or Therapy?

I just hit 1k followers (*:・ﾟ✧) , so I thought why not write a post kind of analysing the fandom too this time? HahA don't unfollow me for calling some of you out.

Table of Contents:

Sangwoo x Prison

Yoon Bum x Therapy

Sangwoo x Therapy

Yoon Bum x Prison

Why don’t people want to see Yoon Bum go to prison?

Why don’t people want to see Sangwoo go to therapy?

Why am I not happy Yoon Bum came packaged with a diagnosis?

1. Sangwoo x Prison 

a. Would he, according to the law?

Link to Korean Criminal Laws.

Another link so you know this is the official one. 

To answer the question quickly, yes, definitely. I’m only even explaining this for the sake of formatting. Murder, unsurprisingly, is illegal in South Korea 

Article 250 (Murder, Killing Ascendant)

(1) A person who kills another shall be punished by death, or imprisonment for life or for not less than five years.

There’s a lot of things Sangwoo is guilty of and I won’t paste the explanation of all of them here but list some of the articles: 250, 258, 259, 260, 261, 262, 263, 264, 266, 267, 268... Okay there is a lot. 

Capital punishment is legal in South Korea. Looking at some of the cases of the known 61 criminals currently on death row, I can almost completely confidently say that Sangwoo would be put on death row as well. 

The rest of Article 250 goes:

(2) A person who kills ones own or ones spouse’s lineal ascendant shall be punished by death, imprisonment for life or for not less seven years.

b. How would it go?

I made a post about this a while ago, which you can view here. I’ll summarise it here, though if you want a more thorough explanation, you can check out that post.

Summary: If he isn’t confined as a solitary inmate with no interaction allowed with other inmates, because of his good looks, mocking attitude, hate for people who think they are better than him and age, Sangwoo will inevitably suffer and probably get raped in prison. He may definitely snap and inflict violence upon another inmate, or kill him because of this, which will only pull him down further into the prison system if another inmate doesn’t kill him first.

I can also see Sangwoo trying to keep up an act of mental illness and pretend innocence, however, so he may also try to blend in and not draw attention to himself. Since I don’t know how he acts to authority beyond his control (like how he was in the army) I can’t really say which approach he would go for. 

c. Would it work? 

If all of Sangwoo’s crimes aren’t found out, and he magically gets out after a few years, he won’t act differently. Perhaps he will try to be more careful about hiding his actions, but there’s a huge possibility that the first thing he’ll do is find Bum. If Bum is the reason he got into prison, Sangwoo will definitely be holding a grudge.   

d. Should he? [Personal Opinion] 

This is a difficult question. In my opinion the prison system is infinitely flawed but there is simply not enough money and resources to treat each criminal individually. 

I won’t talk on and on about why I think prisons are never the answer for criminals (you can ask me about it if you want to know, however) but I’ll say this. Criminals become worse when they are living all together because the wrong thing they did is a social norm there, often things that they get respect and feared for. Prison is not a place for fixing things, it’s a sort of terrible limbo people who are too dangerous to live in society get quarantined in. A lot of people who get out of prison eventually return. 

However, Sangwoo is way too dangerous to live freely in society, and there is no other way to keep him from committing these crimes. 

So, should he, if this was real life? Yes. 

Do I want him to, in this story? No. 

2. Yoon Bum x Therapy

a. Would he, according to the law?

I did some research on this and came back pretty empty-handed. I think this depends on how much of the story the police finds out. If they find out Jieun’s death is caused by him, I’m not sure Yoon Bum will be declared mentally ill instead of guilty of first degree murder, however he may be declared as both. The law is usually biased like that when it comes to murder. He may, however, receive therapy in prison, but I don’t think the fact that he is mentally ill will make him escape prison time entirely. 

People who are let off are usually quite insane to the point where they can’t distinguish reality from fiction at all. Yoon Bum isn’t insane, even though he has a mental illness. He has a good enough grasp on reality, even though he is delusional. Plenty insane people are imprisoned while quite a lot of sane people plead insanity while they aren’t insane and get away with it. 

So I guess...he will get out of prison time if he has a good lawyer. Which he won’t. He can’t even pay his rent.

If prison isn’t involved:

"Four percent of the population has free access to essential psychotropic medicines. For those that pay out of pocket, the cost of antipsychotic medication is 8071 Won and the cost of antidepressant medication is 8020 Won, which is 29 percent of one day’s minimum wage. The minimum daily wage in local currency is 27,840 Won. All mental disorders are covered in social insurance schemes.” [x]

I couldn’t find a lot of information regarding insurance and how much you’d have to pay for therapy, but it seems like most hospitals have inpatients with much severe disorders such as schizophrenia instead of more mild and liveable with things like BPD. (Before you say anything, yes BPD is easier to live with compared to severe schizophrenia. Yes, I know Bum killed someone but that wasn’t something he would have thought of doing or done on his own.)

b. How would it go?

Depending on what they know, Yoon Bum would either be an inpatient or would have to show up to therapy frequently. He would need medication and if he is being properly tracked, he would be on and off therapy for either most or the remainder of his life.

c. Would it work?

Not too bad. Yoon Bum definitely has the potential to get better or at least fit better into society and lessen his stalking and obsession. He has some scars that will either never completely heal or take a long long long time to heal but he may even have a healthy relationship one day.

Of course he could have gotten better much easier if it hadn’t been for Sangwoo, since Sangwoo has definitely traumatised Yoon Bum, but it’s still not a lost cause.  

d. Should he? [Personal Opinion]

Realistically, yes. However, I wouldn’t want him to. I am curious as to how much more his sanity can break and what kind of person will emerge from inside him once he has lost everything and is not so scared for his life anymore.

3. Sangwoo x Therapy

a. Would he, according to the law?

Very unlikely that he would. His crimes are way too severe and Sangwoo can clearly distinguish reality from fiction even though he is delusional which makes him a lost cause psychopath. He would be studied, but he wouldn’t receive actual therapy intending to make him better so he can be released.   

b. How would it go?

If he went to a therapist outside of prison and told them everything, he would end up in prison as (not %100 if this is a Korean law also) therapists are meant to disclose to the police if one of their patients are thinking about attempting murder or has already murdered someone. 

If he didn’t tell them everything, whether or not the therapist will be able to understand Sangwoo’s mental illnesses depends on how well he acts and what exactly he says, though I do think that his psychopathy can sometimes be seen even when he is acting.

If he was in prison, as I stated, he would be studied but he wouldn’t receive serious therapy. 

c. Would it work?

Lost cause. Psychopathy isn’t something that is fixable since it’s about some things not developing when they should. At best, he can learn how to blend in better and he will tell you “murder is bad” but not mean it- which would honestly just make him more dangerous. If you tell him how he should be acting, he’ll just use it against you.

He thinks way too highly of himself to take your opinion on anything. In his mind, he is above the law and social norms. Therapy won’t fix him.

d. Should he? [Personal Opinion]

No. It wouldn’t matter to him one bit. If anything, it would make him more dangerous. It would be funny to see his interactions with a therapist though... I can even see him going to a therapist for shits and giggles.  

4. Yoon Bum x Prison

a. Would he, according to the law?

Yep. Murders of passion are still murders and they are punished by the criminal system of Korea. Yoon Bum technically committed the crime on his own with his own will. 

Even without the murder: 

Article 319 (Intrusion upon Habitation, Refusal to Leave):

(1) A person who intrudes upon a one's residence, guarded building, structure or ship or occupied room, shall be punished by imprisonment for not more than three years or by a fine not exceeding five million won.

b. How would it go?

He wouldn’t be in solitary confinement; his crimes aren’t that severe so he would be in touch with other inmates, and that would be horrible for Bum. He is very easy to push around, very frail, and he would definitely get raped and severely hurt. He would try to not draw attention to himself though, but that may prove to backfire. I don't think he would be easily letting go of Sangwoo, BUT if he did, he could easily find someone else to attach himself to in prison, and this time that person will definitely be a criminal and Yoon Bum would probably believe he is innocent. 

Yoon Bum in prison would be a disaster.  

c. Would it work?

Well, no. Yoon Bum wouldn’t have murdered someone if he hadn’t been somewhat forced to or just simply put into that situation, but he did the breaking and entering with his own will.

We can see that Yoon Bum comes in and out of this state of obsession with someone to the point of stalking, and he is aware of this but he can’t stop it. 

Here is proof that he actually knows what’s going on with him:

Yoon Bum can sometimes see that he is being unreasonable. Even then, Yoon Bum can’t control himself, not even when he can tell it’s coming. Maybe he would be more careful hiding, but then again I don’t know if he won’t get too carried away to even notice again. He perhaps has previous experience with stalking to this extent, as the dust on the keypad trick is not something he could have easily thought of by himself and his access to the internet is kind of dubious with the amount of money he has. 

d. Should he? [Personal Opinion]

No no no no no. He would suffer so much. I only want him to suffer because of Sangwoo. People in prison won’t have the same intentions as Sangwoo towards Yoon Bum and won’t have personal attachments to him.  

5. Why don’t people want to see Yoon Bum go to prison?

Yoon Bum is canonically diagnosed. I think this was so that the person reading will relate to Yoon Bum because he is the main character and the story is mostly from his POV. 

The diagnoses makes people sympathise with Yoon Bum. We %100 know that Yoon Bum has an excuse for everything he is doing and going through. So, we all ignore that he has just broken in an entered in someone’s house. Imagine how creepy it would be if someone was not only trying to break into your house, but has been trying for a few months and it’s not to steal something, it’s because they want to be close to you and go in your bed. We ignore that his obsession was to the extent that he stole a girl’s nail polish to calm him down from being away from her. Again, imagine if someone told you that touching something you touched makes them feel calm because you won’t talk to them.

If we didn’t know what was wrong with Yoon Bum, I think we have viewed him a little bit differently. 

Yoon Bum is also shown to be the one abused, he definitely has a sob story and we know much more about him than Sangwoo. Looking from the out

Hside, Yoon Bum seems to be frail and someone that needs to be taken care of because he can’t even take care of himself. He is so small and weak compared to the healthy looking Sangwoo who seems to have his life together. 

A lot of people also relate to Yoon Bum’s view of himself, his mental illness, his low confidence, lack of social skills, apparent loneliness, self-harm or abuse history. There’s also quite a lot of people who self diagnose themselves with BPD or other illnesses on tumblr and then saying stuff like “I have BPD, I always feel like I'm being annoying when talking to someone” but it’s important to keep in mind that “symptoms” like  this can be just normal things everyone experiences. However some people (before you get your pitchforks out, I’m not talking about everyone, I think you know what kind of people I’m talking about) just need an excuse. It’s poetic to be like a character in a fiction, it somehow justifies their actions and feelings or makes the person feel more special or important. It gives them an excuse to not try to make an effort to change things in their life and attempt to heal, it makes pain and being abused romantic and acceptable. It helps them deny any kind of abuse that they may be experiencing is “not as bad as it seems”, which it shouldn’t, but here we are. 

6. Why don’t people want to see Sangwoo go to therapy?

Sangwoo’s crimes are very severe. Death and murder are things people take incredibly serious for one thing. It usually blinds us to the person’s intentions behind that action because the crime is just so unacceptable. It also seems clear to us that Sangwoo won’t ever get fixed. He is the antagonist. He is the abuser. He is the representation of the person many readers of KS are trying to remove from their life or have removed before. He’s rude, unpredictable and frustrating but he has clear intentions and he is looking for his own special kind of love too much like Bum, it just so happens that Bum’s interpretation of love, however twisted, is closer to the “normal” interpretation of it. 

We also know very little about Sangwoo’s backstory, so he is still a mystery to us. We never know what he is thinking; he feels unpredictable to Yoon Bum, and we see the story from his eyes, so he is unpredictable for us too. 

There is also no official diagnosis on Sangwoo, even though we all know there is something severely wrong with him. This helps to the reader not being able to relate to him. It feels like he has no clear excuse for what he is doing. We do know of his psychopathy, but it's not official, so we can't make predictions based off of it since it can be wrong. Koogi didn’t say so, she can write over it, she can change everything with one panel while with Bum it’s just set in stone. He is already boxed in a mental illness so we expect all these things that also come with that illness. It’s kind of like, we try to figure out what's wrong with Sangwoo and the speculations go around his actions and words while what's wrong with Bum is told to us, so the speculations become more based off of that instead of what Bum actually does and says so sometimes the he gets misinterpreted.  

7. Why am I not happy Yoon Bum came packaged with a diagnosis?

I made a post about why I was happy Koogi didn’t do a lot of research on BPD before writing Yoon Bum and you can find it here. 

Summary: Yoon Bum is a person, not a mental illness. 

Koogi’s interpretation of “research” is probably not the same as yours. She probably knows more about BPD than you do. When writing a book about a mental illness, writers usually go to great lengths and talk to a lot of therapists and meet people who have that illness, they take a long time to fully understand how the mental illness works. Compared to this, she may still know quite a lot about BPD while not that much. 

@rapidratkiller has a theory that Koogi created the character and then diagnosed him, and the symptoms were the closest to BPD. I have to agree, since Koogi said in one of the specials that Yoon Bum is resembling an acquaintance- so there may be an actual person Yoon Bum was created after.

Anyway, apart from that, I feel like sometimes things get interpreted like "yeah of course Bum stays with sangwoo, he has BPD" instead of "wow I wonder why Yoon Bum decided to stay with Sangwoo, I wonder what he's actually feeling in that moment."

It cannot be ignored that Yoon Bum canonically has BPD, but sometimes it's the easy way out for some people. Connecting an analysis or a theory completely to "Yoon Bum has BPD" and not explain it throughly like "Yoon Bum has shown to do this, this and this in these chapters and these probably mean this, and that explains why he may be doing this now". 

We should look into what Yoon Bum is doing and saying while keeping in mind that he has BPD, but not letting it blind us.

#killing stalking meta #killing stalking meta post #killing stalking #yoon bum #yoonbum #sangwoo #oh sangwoo

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #56

“no doubt about it, i got a bad, bad girlfriend.”

who was the last male you hung out with?   we didn't really "hang out," but i was around bradley, colleen's husband.  the last male i really did "hang out" with was my friend girt months ago. who is your favorite person to text?   colleen when’s the last time you talked to the person you like?   the last time i talked and he responded, via battle.net because we were both online.  i asked him how school was going and such, despite in his responses it being obvious he didn't want to talk.  last time i "talked" to him without his input in the conversation was when i wrote him a ten-page letter i've yet to mail him. who did you last take a picture with?   colleen, chelsea, and mom. do you and your best friend ever fight?   yes.  we're in a fight now, actually.  we're both very opinionated people and also very different, so. is there someone who can make you laugh no matter what?   fucking jason.  i would be crying and he could still make me laugh. has anyone ever mistaken you for being gay/lesbian/bi?   yes.  more than once.  lmao at the store the other day, colleen ran into her preacher, and i was with her.  it was kinda obvious he thought we were a couple. explain why you last threw up?   had a baaaad stomach bug. ever kissed your best friend's significant other?   definitely not! do you like the person you are becoming?   no.  more than anything, my happiness should NOT be so dependent on a man who doesn't even care about me. do you have anything embarrassing/sexual in your room?   i do not. know anyone who has a pet gecko?   my former best friend summer and my acquaintance caleb. do you like eating soup in the winter?   i don't like soup period. do you like getting jewelry or do you not wear any?   sure! when you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats?   once because a kid my sister knew was stupid as fuck. did/do you get school cancellations because of snow?   dude, we got cancellations if there was a chance of an inch of snow. who knows ALL of your secrets?   jason is the only one, actually.  i've literally told him everything. what does your typical outfit look like?   yoga/sweatpants, graphic tee. did you have a job before you were in college?   no, actually. do you think hunting is wrong? if so, why?   for purely sport, kinda.  just killing for fun doesn't seem right in the slightest?  if you're in a survival situation or if you actually do eat what you kill, sure, hunt. have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now?   not in-depth, no.  it'd be... very hard.  well first off, it'd be impossible for me to get pregnant, but let's just say i somehow did.  i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be a "bad" mom, but an insufficient one.  i'm pretty severely mentally ill and very unstable right now, and a child's malleable mind doesn't need to be exposed to that, especially when it's his/her mother.  i also do not want to bring a child into this world when (s)he wouldn't have a father figure.  fathers are just as important as mothers, imo, and a baby should be raised with both parents.  the last thing a child needs is just a sick mother.  despite the obvious issues though, holy hell would i do everything for that baby. do you have a sensitive gag reflex?   VERY.  i can't even put those things in my mouth at the dentist for when you get x-rays without a massive struggle.  i usually have the get the kid ones. what was the last situation to upset you?   colleen said something very ignorant. have you ever had an online argument?   waaaaay more than one.  i've been around the internet since what, 2007?  i've had plenty. do any of your friends know you fill out surveys?   online friends, sure, real life friends, not on tumblr, no.  i occasionally/very rarely post a survey in facebook notes, so my friends obviously know, but they haven't seen even a microscopic quarter of the surveys i've done.  i'm not entirely... against the idea, but like, i'd only ever maybe admit to colleen i have a survey blog. how do you typically style your hair? does it take long?   no, because it's too thick for me personally to style.  i would kill to have the emo/scene/whatever you call it hair, but my hair just doesn't work with me. when were you last offered something illegal?   never, i think. what are you most confident about? most insecure about?   uhhh.  i mean, i guess my knowledge about meerkats is what i'm most confident about?  most insecure about, my stomach. when are you most likely to say something you don’t mean?   if you bring up jason. where’s the best place to get your favorite dish?   my favorite dish ever is spicy shrimp fritas, which i get from olive garden. can you play guitar hero?   yeah.  i used to play almost everything on expert and sometimes get 100%, but now i play mostly on hard and a select few on expert. if you could move somewhere else, would you?   yeah, closer to the mountains on the western side of the state. how many months until your birthday?   less than one! do you want your tongue pierced?   yes, i want the snake eyes tongue piercing. who was the last person to disappoint you?   colleen are you emotionally strong?   i honestly do not know?  like i tell myself i wouldn't be alive otherwise, but simultaneously, i feel that if i was strong, so many things wouldn't bother me. you think ‘I love you’ are strong words?   they were enough to ruin my life, so. on grand theft auto, do you just kill people or actually do the missions?   i've never played it before, but i think i'd do the missions, since i play games to beat them. have you ever been to australia?   no, but i'd kinda like to to meet my friend shay.  i'm just scared of all the venomous shit they have, especially the spiders. do you watch adult swim?   no.  half the shit on there was immaculately immature the last time i saw it, anyway. do you have a favorite pair of underwear?   i only have one pair because i never wear underwear unless there's an occasion i need to, and they're pink and black and lacy. what is your dad’s occupation?   he's been a mailman for years and actually likes it. have you ever seen a baby snake?   no, actually.  i mean on television and stuff, sure, but not in real life. do you own any band tees?   plenty.  big part of my wardrobe. do you think they really landed on the moon, or it was fake?   i've seen like all the evidence that it may have been faked, and i believe it's a possibility it was, but in general, i believe that we truly did land on the moon, despite some of the oddities. do you feel embarrassed to listen to music you love out loud around other people?   no no no no no!!  that's like, probably the only think about me i'm proud of revealing!! does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain?   curtain when is the last time you sat around a campfire?   years ago in new york. do you have a back-up career choice? what is it?   not really, honestly...  i mean my dream job is to be a meerkat biologist, but i'm not moving to africa, so that just won't happen.  the only thing i want to do is be a photographer. are men more attractive with longer or shorter hair?   i mean, it really depends on the man, but in general, i like longer hair. is there a name that you hear and cringe?   rachel. what was the last computer game you played?   world of warcraft, before my computer decided "hey let's keep restarting."  i was about to get the long-forgotten hippogryph too, and i'm still salty about it. what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure?   world of warcraft, again, and idk why.  like there's nothing to be ashamed of, yet i am.  like even when i get my computer fixed, i'm contemplating just not getting back into it to avoid the feeling of embarrassment. do you let your pets on your furniture?   yes, because they live here??? can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you?   with my history of thinking aaron liked me and believing jason would ask me out, i guess. what is your favorite thing to cook for someone else?   the only thing i can really cook are some yummy scrambled eggs, with hot sauce. have you ever bought underwear simply because it made your underwear drawer look nice?   no? how do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  GROSS would you ever consider visiting texas?   if my former best friend mini would talk to me again, sure.  i'd love to visit her. who was the last person to turn you on?   jason was good at that. what are your views on the death penalty?   it is only for the coldest, hardest criminals where there is no doubt they committed the crime.  some people just don't change and do deserve to die, imo. is the music you listen to 'weird’?   i'm sure some people consider it such. have you ever played an instrument?    i played flute all through middle and high schools are fingerless gloves awesome?   sure, i have some from high school. do you fit any stereotypes?   possibly.  after all, the definition of certain stereotypes vary very slightly from person-to-person.  i guess i fit both geek and emo in some ways. does your best friend have a driver’s license?   yeah. what size drink do you usually get at fast food restaurants?   medium. do you have underwear from victoria’s secret?   i do not. do you want a relationship?   i mean, yeah, i guess.  i'm dangerously lonely and after dating jason, i know how good relationships feel.  but i don't want to rush anything. are you uncomfortable staring into someone’s eyes who you like?   no.  i could stare into jason's forever. who was the first person you talked to today?   via the internet, ummm i think it was shaylee.  in real life, nicole, my little sister. honestly! do you think you’re better than anyone else?   not at all.  god told us we're equal, that's why. do you have any fish as pets?   no.  i'd really like a big saltwater tank, though. when was the last time you slept in your parents' bedroom?   well, my parents have been divorced for years now, and mom doesn't currently have a room, she sleeps on the couch and i sleep in her old room, so i really don't know. do you like channing tatum?   i think he's physically attractive, but that's it. do you have a common first name?   very. who/what is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life?   jason. what is the most pointless movie that you have ever seen? did you like it?   "the purge," because the whole basis of the story was just... stupid?  like, WHY to begin with would it ever be legally allowed to purge?  the whole idea was just stupid.  the movie itself was okay in general though. who is the most important person in your life right now?   i'm trying to make it me. have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you?   nope. who did you last talk to about the person you love?   mom, i think. who was the last person you sat next to on a bus?   i haven't been on a bus since high school.  but i always sat with jason. do you carry photos in your wallet?   i'm pretty sure i have a picture on nicole somewhere in there. the last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours?   i've never had sex, but the last time i did something sexual, it was probably his bed. is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?   i don't "think" it, i know it. has anyone ever drunk called/texted you?   nope. name two of your favorite colors.   maroon, pink. do you want to get married?   i do. are you afraid of roller coasters?   yes, i am. what colors would you like to have at your wedding?   i've actually considered many combinations.  think i'll wait for my spouse's opinion 'til i really decide. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?   he was so, so unique.  strange.  different.  maddeningly bizarre.  and, he cared.  he approached me while i was pushing everyone away, and i just couldn't shove him, too.  he wanted to know aaaall about me, and he seemed to like everything he heard...  he backed me into a corner where i couldn't escape him, yet i wasn't afraid.  now i'm damned for it. what was the last reason you cried?   i missed jason. last person to tell you i love you?   my mama what do you think your ex would say about you?   "she's my psycho ex." think of your last kiss….was it cute?   i don't remember my last kiss, because i didn't think it'd be the last.  i was so blissfully ignorant.  i was suspicious that something was wrong with jason, but... i never thought he'd leave.  i mean don't get me wrong, every kiss we had was precious, but it was at the same time just another kiss. have you ever played golf?   i've played putt-putt, but not golf. what was the last tv show you watched an episode of?   probably something at colleen's, idk. do you like beer? if so, what's your favorite brand?   never tried it, but i know it stinks to high heaven. how often do you update your facebook status?   i never update my status unless something quite big happens.  i only ever share funny pictures/posts or stuff i heavily relate to/agree with. do you feel bad when you throw food out?   it's not something i think about all the time, but i do, because i know some people have much less than i. when was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever?   months ago when i had my eyebrows done.  i want to go more regularly, it's just a money thing. what is your favorite video game?   "silent hill 2" would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? what would you have done?   i don't think so. do you like shrimp?   eh, usually. have you ever been in a car accident?   i have. who is your favorite superhero?   batman. what is your favorite fruit flavored soda [grape, strawberry, orange, etc]?   strawberry have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?   pleeeenty of times. would you ever be a stripper?   hell no. your ex is walking next to you, with their new partner, what do you do?   fucking kill her. do you have a hard time letting go?   i probably have a harder time letting go than anybody on the planet. is the last person you kissed a virgin?   nope.  he's had sex with rachel, and i'm sure he's fucked ashley by now.  can't wait 'til he breaks her heart, too. have you ever cried uncontrollably on a boy’s shoulder before?   more than once. how many times have you changed a diaper in your life?   literally only once what do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend?   i'm passionate and loyal as fuck. did you ever go to a mental hospital?   four or five times, the numbers are honestly starting to blur. does your mom/dad smoke?   dad does. how old are you?   i'll be 21 in a few weeks. did an old person ever hit on you?   yes, and it was fucking terrifying. do you believe that weed should be legalized?   no, honestly. do you like apple jacks?   yes! Are you afraid of the dark?   nah. would you say your taste in music is in a very broad spectrum?   no, honestly.  i'm very limited in the type of music i enjoy. are you a moaner, a screamer, or totally silent?   ... i'm going to pretend the fact this is on a survey doesn't bother me and just answer it.  i tend to moan and gasp a lot.  i've wanted to scream before, but haven't. what’s your middle name?   marie have you ever written or received a suicide note?   no, but more than once have i almost written one. ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing?   no. have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/​​​girlfriend?​​​   no, and i wouldn't unless it was jason and he was the one trying to kiss me. ever made out in a pool?   no, but we might as well have that one time. do you have a pool?   no, we had to sell ours for the money. are you an emotional person?   too emotional anybody ever tell you that “you could do so much better” about a person?   literally everyone tells me that?? how many full biological siblings do you have?   full-blooded?  just two. what is something you currently need to buy?
   new tank tops for bed, badly. the last person you kissed asks you to marry him/her. how do you react?   HA.  no.  apologize to me, number one, and fucking prove to me you won't leave again. do you wear hair extensions?
   no, because i don't need them. how old were you when you started puberty?   i have no memory of when i started. if you could have any magical power, what would you have?   shape-shifting, i think. do you believe in love at first site?   absolutely not. let’s say your dad came in your room one day and told you that you had to get married in the next week but you can pick the person but you have to stay with them for the rest of your life no getting out of it, who would you pick?   "no getting out of it" my ass, i'd get out of it.  he can disown my ass, whatever, i don't care.  i take marriage way more seriously than that. if you could be the lead role in any movie, what would it be?   honestly, i'd want to play a person driven crazy by events in her life.  because same fam. when eating something are you more concerned with taste or nutrition?   taste, honestly. what gender do you identify with?   female, because i have a vagina.  yes, i'm conservative about this matter.  fight me m8. are you more of a science or math person?   science, easily. what are your opinions on abortion?   i'm viciously pro-life. if you identify as a girl, would you ever consider getting a pixie cut?   no.  please do not misunderstand this: i have no problem with bigger people, but generally, i find pixie cuts to look bad on bigger women like me. are you a metalhead?   hell to the fuck yeah. do you even listen to metal?   it's like... all i listen to. do you know anybody who is a wiccan or pagan?   i'm pretty sure i know two or three wiccans do you watch supernatural?   i don't anymore, 'cuz it's a ptsd trigger.  it was the first show jason and i binge-watched together.  stopped at the sixth season, i think.  it's a really good show and i love it, i just tried to watch it one day, and i can't without him. what’s your favorite character in your favorite tv show?   i'd say my overall favorite show is "fullmetal alchemist," so hmmm... shit man, i'm having a difficult time remembering all the characters.  i feel like i really liked one of the seven deadly sins, i think it was greed?  no... maybe envy?  envy!  the one i misgendered, lmao.  i really like them. are you diabetic?   i am not, but it runs in the family, so... where is the majority of your family from?   mom's side, new york, dad's side, michigan. last person you slept in the same bed with?   chelsea hate someone, who?   i try so hard not to, but i'm pretty sure the feelings i have towards jason's current girlfriend is hatred. when was your first kiss?   hmmmm.  maybe like, may-ish four years ago? do you carry a purse?   yeah. would you ever name a kid damien?   it's a decent name, but no. bats are not spooky or are they?   no no no, they're so precious!!  especially flying foxes!! do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites?   both.  depends on the mood. are you one of those people who can eat anything and not gain a pound?   fuck no.  i'm the person who looks at cake and gains 10 pounds. do you like hot dogs?   i do, i just don't think of how they're made. do you watch american horror story?   again, i used to, but don't anymore due to it being a ptsd trigger.  we watched the first season and most of the second together. do you have sensitive teeth?   no would you date someone you had a 16 year age gap with?   NO what is your sexuality?   heterosexual, some asexual traits do you think suits are sexy?   kill me yes fucking christ do you think earrings are attractive or unattractive on guys?   ehhhh, i'm kinda neutral with guys and earrings. would you ever have a threesome with your friend and their bf/gf?   fuck no.  so sorry to offend, but you don't fucking love your significant other if you're comfortable fucking someone else with them.  i'd lecture the heavens out of my friend if they suggested that. have you ever kissed just a friend?   on the cheek, yes. what was the last graduation you attended?   my little sister's have you ever pole danced before?   nope. have you ever broken into someone’s house?   wtf, no. would you ever kiss your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend?   no, because i have respect for their relationship and i don't "like" her husband like that. have you ever seen a live bat?   hmmm, i may have at the zoo, but otherwise, i'm not sure!

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

[jessicachortkoff]

1984 in 2017: In the spring of 2014, when Los Angeles City College performed a play of George Orwell’s “1984,“ I captured the following stills and wrote the two articles below. LACC also had several notable people come to our school to discuss drone surveillance, and the book club had special events too. I am publishing this now because it seems to apply even more today than it did a few short years ago. -Jessica Chortkoff : Heeding Orwell’s Warning Before it is Too Late Technology, privacy, torture, war, psychological manipulation, and control of history and information, were talking points at the Book Program’s series of discussions on George Orwell’s 1984, on April 22, 23, and 24. The discussions explored 1984’s protagonist, Winston Smith; his experiences, his family, and his motivations. Ignorance is Strength “You become so detached you don’t know the history anymore,” said Student Service Assistant Bessie Love, who led the Wednesday discussion with Evaluator Glenda Foster. Love read aloud Orwell’s 1944 letter to his contemporary, Noel Willmett. The letter predates the novel by several years. “Already history has in a sense ceased to exist, ie. there is no such thing as a history of our own times which could be universally accepted, and the exact sciences are endangered as soon as military necessity ceases to keep people up to mark,” Orwell wrote in the letter. In Orwell’s novel the protagonist, Winston Smith, works at the Ministry of Truth, falsifying documents and rewriting history on a continuous basis. As the book says, “whoever controls the past controls the future.” “History is very important because it is a tool to teach us what happened in the past so it’s not repeated in the future,” said Eric Sherman, a student and theater major, who has spent three years portraying Martin Luther King Jr. in a one man show designed to bring the teachings of important historic figures to elementary school students. Sherman was surprised at how little the children knew about King’s life, and even how much he learned himself just preparing for the role. “When you revamp or you destroy that which has already been formally done, what happens is it brings people into a state of mind of ignorance, and once ignorance sets in you are 90% if not 100% of the time going to repeat something devastating, or a catastrophe from the past,” Sherman said. Freedom is Slavery The recent weakening of the Voting Rights Act reminded some of the participants of the novel as well, since this served to weaken the rights that the 14th Amendment of the US Constitution promises. Foster remembers accompanying her mother to the poles as a child and the problems she faced before the laws were put in place. “When voting rights started she got stopped at the poles, ‘oh, your grandfather didn’t vote’,” Foster said of those times. Foster went on to explain that in many small towns some people may have never possessed a voter ID. In the past their voice would have been heard, but now that has been complicated for them. “It just amazed me that this is an Amendment in the Bill of Rights and they are trying to take that away, just like in the novel,” said Sherman. Sherman feels this kind of tampering with rights puts the 13th Amendment in jeopardy as well. “Just like in the novel when they were slowly but surely taking things away, to put people in bondage, and into slavery, so they cannot think anymore, to not have a mind anymore, to [not] be able to function,” Sherman said. “If you don’t know your rights, if you don’t know what belongs to you, it’s easy for someone to come along and tell you oh, well this is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s supposed to be like this…” Sherman said. Sherman is also very concerned about the breakdown of intimacy perpetuated by the use of devices such as cell phones and computers. “Big Brother was working to destroy intimacy in relationships, he didn’t want people to love anyone else but Big Brother, or to really have any sort of emotional connection to them,” Sherman said. “Really our society is being formulated that way because of technology, and we don’t really have that intimacy with each other anymore. Just by having normal conversation, or going to each other’s house and sit down and talk to each other. We don’t have conversations anymore.” He believes it takes communication to think outside the box, and to collaborate with fellow artists. Other topics included the news, which has seen an influx of celebrity gossip and a frightening lack of real reporting about issues of great importance around the world in recent years. Tuesday, May 6, and Wednesday, May 7, the Book Program ended its tribute to 1984 with “The Drone Age.” Pepperdine Law Professor Gregory McNeal spoke May 6 at 12:30 p.m. Guest Speaker Heidi Boghosian, Executive Director of the National Lawyers Guild, spoke on Wednesday, May 7, at 12:30 p.m., about drones and the importance of privacy. Drones Big Brother may not be watching you, but Uncle Sam is. The Los Angeles City College Book Program, as part of its ongoing series of events dedicated to George Orwell’s classic novel, 1984, presented two guest speakers to discuss the political, legal and ethical implications of government surveillance in “The Drone Age.” Gregory S. McNeal, Pepperdine University Law professor, counter-intelligence writer, commentator, and consultant, spoke to an audience of mostly students at the Faculty/Staff Center Tuesday May 6, and Heidi Boghosian, Executive Director of the National Lawyers Guild, First Amendment writer, and radio host, spoke Wednesday May 7, at the 3rd floor multipurpose room of the Student Union Building. There was an excellent turnout for both, as both rooms were filled to capacity. The speakers were chosen to express opposing viewpoints. McNeal believes “Federal Legislation of privacy is a horrible idea.” Boghosian says that “On a typical day your image is caught on surveillance cameras at least 200 times.” McNeal spent the majority of his speech expounding on the logistics of the Fourth Amendment of the US Constitution. According to McNeal, America’s political climate is a far cry from Orwell’s imagined future. “To put a telescreen in your home would be illegal,” McNeal said. “It would not happen.” But according to McNeal, even if such a thing were to occur, the evidence it recorded would never stand up in court. “Even if you killed people, your children, that evidence would not be able to be used,” McNeal said. However, he also pointed out that there is not reasonable expectation of privacy behind a fence of any height, in one’s own back yard. If it can be viewed from the air over head, it is subject to surveillance. And although it is illegal for the police to use technology to see through walls, if the blinds are open that is a different story. McNeal’s point in the many instances he discussed it that what the average person think’s is a reasonable expectation of privacy does not always match up to what the court thinks is a reasonable expectation of privacy. For instance, there is no legitimate expectation of privacy for records turned over to the police by a third party, rather it be your cellphone provider, internet provider, a gas station camera, ect. Anyone can take this information, and it is not possible to use the internet or a cell phone without involving such a party. “It’s like being in your home and opening up your blinds,” McNeal said. What McNeal is more concerned with is the banning of cameras and drones in public parks. He told the story of a young boy using a drone to create an aerial map of a park, who according to McNeal, was threatened by the park with six months in prison. “To me that is actually the Big Brother I’m scared of,” said McNeal, “one that prevents drones.” Boghosian has what she calls a “very special job.” Part of her job involved going to protests and monitoring police treatment of activists. She brought up the events of the 2000 Democratic National Convention in Los Angeles. A spokesperson for the American Civil Liberties Union, had described the event as “nothing less than an orchestrated police riot.” That riot included the firing of rubber bullets into the crowd and beating people with batons. The National Lawyers Guild was able to file law suits and effectively change police policy. Boghosian’s book “Spying on Democracy: Government Surveillance, Corporate Power, and Public Resistance” was written with the treatment of protestors in mind. Boghosian sees a distinct relationship between the First Amendment and the Fourth Amendment of the US Constitution, since she has seen many cases where FBI agents infiltrated certain groups, especially animal rights and environmental groups. “I have seen first-hand, a lot of stories of infiltration agents provocateur, going into grassroots organizations and really trying to disrupt the work of activists, especially those involved in animal rights and environmental causes,” Boghosian said. “Those two activists have been labeled the top terrorist threat in this country by the FBI, they are specially prone to infiltration.” She then told a story about how her organization, The National Lawyers Guild, was infiltrated. Agents went through their garbage, an agent posed as a staff member in their Washington DC office, their phones were tapped, their mail read, and an attempt was made to label them a subversive organization. The FBI did not succeed, however, because the NLG, after being monitored for 30 years, sued them and won. She feared for journalists in particular, though. “That has a chilling effect on free speech. When you know that you being watched closely, it necessarily impacts how you act with others.” Boghosian said. She made it clear that she was afraid of a country where a reporter could be arrested and trialed for espionage. This brought to mind Edward Snowdon. I think he’s a hero,” said Boghosian, “he should be allowed back. I think he’s a hero.” Boghosian explained to the audience that many laws are hundreds of years old, and that “if you become unpopular, probably everyone in this room could be brought up on a charge.”

[thenewscover]

The Rise Of TikTok | Explained By The News Cover

The News Cover: 2020 has been a year of chaos, uncertainty and grief. A global pandemic, record unemployment and nationwide protests have left people reeling. Through it all though, there's been TikTok, providing moments of levity and new dance crazes, interspersed with more serious commentary on the issues that we face. TikTok, it's like the party you want to be at, a t the moment. 

You'll see hair tutorials, cooking tutorials. People can create challenges, they can create duets, th ey can interact, they can engage. T ikTok is the most downloaded app of 2020. Since its global release less than two years ago, TikTok and its Chinese counterpart, Douyin, have amassed 800 million monthly active users, more than Reddit, Snapchat or Twitter. Its parent company, ByteDance, is the most valuable startup in the world. Its reach might surprise you unless you're a member of Gen Z or the parent of one. But as millions scramble for connection amidst quarantines, more and more users of all ages are hopping aboard. 

We're all just kind of going through the same thing together. And we happen to be documenting it all through TikTok. It's not all rosy, though. The Chinese-owned app faces a slew of regulatory hurdles, privacy concerns and allegations of censorship. Amidst these struggles, it's brought in a new CEO. This guy is Kevin Mayer. Formerly the Head of Streaming at Disney. That's basically what Kevin Mayer's first priority needs to be, is to make sure that Americans trust TikTok. In the long run, t hat may prove complicated. But in the short term, it hasn't prevented tens of thousands of new users from signing up. 

The predecessor to TikTok was an app called Musical.ly. Founded in 2014, it provided a platform for users to create short, 15 second videos set to a song of their choice. The content mostly involved lip-syncing and dancing, and it took off quickly among preteens and teens in the U.S. This is an app that was built around the fact that there was music that was licensed to be used on this app. This was something that Musical.ly decided really to invest in, because they knew that music and sharing music was inherently social. 

By July 2015, a year after its launch, Musical.ly reached number one in the iTunes app store. It continued to grow and was bought by the Beijing-based startup ByteDance for one billion dollars in 2017. ByteDance already owned Tik Tok, a similar video sharing platform, and merged the two apps less than a year later. Now TikTok's main office is in Los Angeles, California. They're essentially an American startup that is subsidized by a successful Chinese tech company. As the app has grown, it's given rise to a whole new pack of social media celebrities. 

Content is public by default on TikTok, and the algorithm that determines what appears on a user's home page gives every creator the chance to put their video in front of millions. Really what we saw was a different style of humor. It wasn't the sketches that you saw on Vine, and it wasn't longer-form YouTube videos. It was meme culture or like the general public's take on a meme. What I enjoyed about it is there was some deeper humor in there if you were paying attention to the trends that were happening. 

On TikTok, King uses creative video editing to make it look like he's performing magic tricks, a skill which has earned him over 44 million followers, the second most on the app as of June 2020. But at 30, King represents the rare millennial that's broken into TikTok's top ranks. Many of the most followed users are in their teens, and lip syncing and dancing remain wildly popular. So I originally started when I was 14 years old, and so I started using my facial expressions and hand motions to make these like larger than life lip sync videos. And as I grew up, I think the app also grew up. Now there's so much more that you can do. 

While Martin has found her niche with dancing and lifestyle content, she says there's something out there for everyone. There's like creators who are huge when it comes to comedy, some still do lip syncing, some cooking videos, tutorials. You can do whatever you want as long as it's fun, it's quick and it catches people's eye. Stay at home orders have propelled the app's rapid growth in the United States. So between October and March, according to research fro m Comscore, its unique visitors has grown from 27 million to 52 million, so doubled in the past five months. 

And within that time period, just in March alone, according to Comscore TikTok added 12 million new unique visitors. People in the U.S. on TikTok spent more time on TikTok than Instagram users spent on Instagram or Snapchat users spent on Snapchat in the month of March. That's a big deal since Snap and Instagram are two of the app's main competitors. They're all extremely popular among young users, b ut in the U.S. at least, TikTok still has some catching up to do. We estimate that this year TikTok will have 45 million users. 

But Instagram, we're estimating will have over 110 million and Snapchat will have 85 million users. But TikTok is also huge abroad, especially in India and China. In China, it operates as a technically separate but very similar app called Douyin. And in the first quarter of 2020, TikTok and Douyin were downloaded 315 million times globally, a 68 percent increase over the previous year. In April, the company reached two billion overall downloads. 

India is by far the app's largest market when it comes to downloads, accounting for 30.3 percent of the total. But China is definitely the largest from a revenue standpoint, accounting for about 72 percent of total spending on the app. The U.S. is third in terms of downloads and second in terms of revenue, and its influence continues to grow. Viral dances and memes have propelled a number of songs to the top of the U.S. charts, most famously, Old Town Road in 2019 . And now the moms, dads and siblings of the TikTok o bsessed have started to get in on the trends as well, learning dances and performing challenges together. 

You're still laughing at them, but actually the fact that parents are getting on it, I mean they needed that demo so badly to even make it to this level that they're at now. In order to build out a sustainable revenue model, e xperts say that TikTok eventually needs to attract older users. Advertisers are going after broader demographics and especially those with purchasing power. But TikTok is not under immediate pressure to make money just yet. Its parent company ByteDance is valued at over 100 billion dollars and made three billion dollars in revenue last year. 

That's because it owns a host of other, more profitable Chinese apps, most notably Douyin and a news aggregator called Toutiao. TikTok's revenue model is still very, very nascent. This is a company that has some advertising, we have some of the users starting to do sponsorships. But at the end of the day, this is a company with hundreds of millions of users here in the U.S. that's still not making as much money as it could some day. Monetization aside, many say that CEO Kevin Mayer's first priority needs to be the regulatory and privacy concerns facing the app, which stem from its Chinese ownership as well as its popularity among children. 

You know, it's never been the case that so many Americans are putting so much of their visual data in the hands of a Chinese company. And as we know, the relationship between the Chinese government and Chinese corporations is a pretty tight one. While TikTok claims that all American user's data is stored within the U.S. and is not subject to Chinese law, many security experts remain skeptical. Similar concerns exists in India, where data protection laws are weaker and thus citizens are more vulnerable. Regulators are going to be very weary of that separation. 

Where's the data held? What's the cross-pollination look like? A number of incidents over the years have provided ample reason for worry. An investigation by The Guardian last September revealed that TikTok moderators were instructed to censor videos related to Tiananmen Square and other content deemed sensitive by the Chinese government. 

While the company claimed that these guidelines had been phased out by the time of the investigation, it still helped spur the Federal Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States to open an ongoing review into ByteDance's acquisition of Musical.ly. It seems unlikely that ByteDance would be forced to divest itself of what was Musical.ly, now is TikTok. But I do think that this all speaks to the great amount of concern and oversight over this app that's gone from a tiny little thing to this huge powerhouse. 

Most recently, the app received criticism for what it said was a technical glitch, in which post tagged with #BlackLivesMatter and #GeorgeFloyd appeared to have zero views when they actually have over two billion. And in the past, both India and Indonesia have instituted brief bans on the app due to concerns over inappropriate content like violence and pornography. 

Lastly, there are ongoing issues regarding children's privacy. Users under 13 are technically not allowed on TikTok, but there's not much really preventing them from signing up. In February 2019, the company paid 5.7 million dollars to the FTC to settle charges that it was illegally collecting children's personal information. This then prompted the U.K. to conduct their own investigation into the matter. While TikTok said it would make changes, in May 2020 a coalition of consumer groups filed a complaint stating that TikTok had not kept its promises. 

It's all undoubtedly a lot for Mayer to inherit. But given his background at Disney, some say he may be exactly the right person to address these concerns. So he is someone who has experience dealing with regulation, dealing with oversight, and especially dealing with online security issues, which are certainly front of mind for TikTok as they navigate their relationship with the FTC. If Mayer can secure the trust of U.S. consumers and investors, Byt eDance could be well positioned for an IPO in the next year or two. Beyond that, experts say that TikTok's long-term prospects depend upon its ability to keep users engaged while building out a sustainable monetization strategy. 

YouTube could be seen as a model in the way that YouTube shares advertising revenue with its content creators. Mayer's background in streaming services also has both analysts and creators excited about what new forms of content may lie on the horizon. I have been begging TikTok to get into the streaming game. People have speculated that TikTok might get involved in original programming.

 To make TikTok sustainable, you're going to have to do long-form content. I don't see a version where you make 60 second videos forever and it stays cool for another two to three years. King also says TikTok's live-streaming feature has room to grow. It's super popular in China, but hasn't yet taken off in the U.S. I think what's next for TikTok is how they figure out how to make money, how they figure out how to create a home for advertisers, and how they make sure that content creators themselves want to stick around and don't want to go jump off to whatever the next cool app is going to be.

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[avecorviidae]

Fic: Aubade - Chapter Five

Fandom: Mob Psycho 100 Rating: M Relationship(s): Kageyama Ritsu/Suzuki Shou Word Count: 4703

Ao3 Link

There were six trains leaving Seasoning Station on the day they set off: two in the morning, and four in the afternoon.

Ritsu had immediately and vehemently vetoed the 6 AM train, whereas Shou had objected to taking another night train, on the grounds that he couldn’t sleep on trains at all, and he needed Ritsu awake to keep him company, so that had ruled out the two trains leaving after 6 PM. They’d both been kind of iffy about the early-afternoonish trains, knowing they were the most likely to have families and tourists and the like.

So, their little group had ended up huddled together on the platform, waiting sleepily for the 9 AM train to pull in.

Ritsu’s parents had said their goodbyes the night before at the house, so it’s just Mob, Teru, and Reigen who’ve shown up to send them off at the station. As usual, their group is receiving some odd looks from the sparse groups of people scattered around the station, although every employee they’ve met has recognized Reigen and Mob on sight.

Shou is, Ritsu thinks, not actually awake. Oh, sure, he’s standing, and he’d showered and gotten dressed and dragged luggage behind him on the walk, but he hasn’t actually formed a coherent sentence yet, and he’s been leaning on Ritsu more and more heavily for about the past five minutes. He has no less than three times flipped off Teru, who actually had the nerve to jog ahead of them to the station, is wearing neon pink running shorts, and is drinking something that looks like shit and smells like the ghost of bananas past.

Reigen, for what feels like the thousandth time, starts to drill Ritsu. “You have your phone? Your wallet?” “Yes, of course.” “Your chargers?” “Yeah, we-- wait.” It’s always worth double-checking the chargers. He leans down and partially unzips one of the pockets of the suitcase at his feet, and finding a horrifically tangled ball of two phone chargers and two laptop chargers exactly where they’d been when he’d last checked three minutes ago, nods. “Got the chargers.” Reigen still looks dissatisfied. Between his supply checks and Mob’s constant drifting back and forth from where the train schedule is posted, Ritsu thinks that the two of them are going to worrywart each other into a full blown panic. “Do you have your passport?” Ritsu blinks in confusion. “My passpo– Dad, we’re not fleeing the country!”

“Not yet!” Reigen replies, waving his arms frantically as if this is a legitimate possibility that Ritsu should’ve prepared for. He snorts and doesn’t reply, instead opting to mull over what’s more likely to get someone from his family deported from the country: Reigen’s scam business, or Teru’s fashion choices. While, sure, aspects of Reigen’s business are technically illegal, Teru’s outfits are simply in bad taste.

They hear the train before they see it, a distant chugging that breaks through the annoying bird noises and the vague chatter of the other people at the station. Around them, Ritsu sees most of the other people waiting on the platform straighten up, readjust their backpacks and jackets, start shifting around in anticipation. Surprisingly, Shou’s the same, pulling himself away from Ritsu’s side and blinking around them, looking fully awake for the first time that morning. Ritsu pushes down the handle on his little wheely case and hefts it onto his back, reaching out to take the larger suitcase from Mob. He’s not sure how he ended up carrying the most stuff, considering that out of the three bags they’ve brought, most of the stuff inside of them belongs to Shou. While Ritsu had only grabbed the bare necessities and a few jackets and shirts from his room, packing up Shou’s belongings had been a goddamn ordeal, including doing three loads of laundry from his already packed suitcase, and a two-hour long argument about whether or not it was appropriate to bring an entire desk lamp on a new move.

(“It’s my oldest friend!” Shou had argued, trying to wrestle it from Ritsu’s hands. “Six years I have known you, Suzuki, and never once has there been a working bulb in this lamp.”) Ritsu is eternally grateful that he doesn’t have a family that sobs as they send him off somewhere. The sadness he’s feeling is familiar, a pre-emptive homesickness that sinks into his stomach, makes him want to look around and take everything in so that he’ll remember the exact details of Seasoning City forever, makes him want to call the whole thing off and just stay home. Mob is smiling though, just a little, when he pulls him in for a hug, and all he feels from the aura that envelops him is warmth. “Be safe,” he murmurs into Ritsu’s shoulder. “Text me when you get there.” He receives quick but back-breaking hugs from Teru and Reigen that leave him gasping for air, but he finds that Shou got the short end of the Farewell Stick, because he looks over to see Mob giving him a hug that has him flailing with his feet a good few inches off the ground.

Reigen ushers them onto the train before they can be idiots and miss it, and Shou half climbs over Ritsu in the seats to wave out of the windows as the train starts to move. A quick jolt sends Shou sprawling, and it’s only bracing himself between the table and Ritsu’s shoulder that stops him from whacking his head on the window. Ritsu’s laughing even as he pushes Shou out of his lap, trying to get him to sit in his own goddamn seat for, oh, two minutes? Admittedly, there’s been an odd feeling of dread tinging his excitement, keeping him subdued over the past few days as they planned. It was the lingering worry that even though their plans, their situation, was becoming more and more concrete, that it wouldn’t actually happen. That some intangible, nonexistent problem would suddenly pop up and stop everything. He feels it settle, dissipate. He watches Shou move into the seats on the other side of the table, settling with his back against the window and his legs stretched out in front of him, and thinks, We’re actually doing this. It sounds almost stupidly awed to his own mind, and it’s threatening to put a giddy sort of smile on his face, and he manages to tamp down on it only because he knows that if Shou notices, he’ll ask about it, which will eventually lead to Ritsu being forced to admit that he’s feeling things, which, well, no.

Shou, for his part, manages to stay quiet and relatively still for all of three minutes before he starts fidgeting. He pulls out his phone, but seems to think better of it, because he puts it down in favour of looking over at Ritsu. “Can I borrow your phone?” On autopilot, he reaches into his pocket to hand it over, but stops himself. “Why…?” He asks, squinting, knowing he probably doesn’t want to know the answer. Shou leans over the table, making grabby hands at the phone, pouting when Ritsu moves his hand so that it’s just out of his reach. “Please? It’ll be funnier if I do it on yours!” On one hand, Shou’s desperation is kind of hilarious, and Ritsu isn’t sure he wants to know exactly what he’s planning. On the other hand, he’s got another ten hours on this train, and if he doesn’t give in now, Shou will literally carry on at him the entire time until he does. With a resigned sigh, he hands his phone over, and then groans when Shou immediately points it at him, obviously taking pictures. Instinctively, he flips Shou off, sending him a death glare, before looking at the camera and throwing up a peace sign with dead eyes. He relaxes when Shou finally puts the phone down and starts tapping away at the screen, and contents himself with staring out the window until Shou breaks the silence. “What the fuck is a Shigeo?” He asks, incredulous. Ritsu reaches out to try and snatch the phone back from Shou. “It’s my brother, you fuck, what are you sending to him?” Shou holds the phone out of his reach, contorting himself so that he can keep typing with it held above his head. Finally, he finishes and hands it back to Ritsu with a self-satisfied grin. Like the cat that got the cream, he thinks, and then two moments later, Oh god, what did he do. He taps in his passcode and finds his messaging app already open. TO: SHIGEO, TERUKI, DAD, YOUR FAVOURITE ;) [Picture Attached] [Picture Attached] we r. on the fuckin train.

FROM: DAD Language.

FROM: SHIGEO Be safe!!! <33

FROM: TERUKI Don’t look up anything inappropriate on his phone or he might kill you ;p

TO: SHIGEO, TERUKI, DAD, YOUR FAVOURITE ;) wow r00d TO: SHIGEO, TERUKI, DAD, YOUR FAVOURITE ;) I have my phone back. ignore him entirely.

FROM: YOUR FAVOURITE ;) WOW R00D

-

Shou, when he’s jetlagged at least, is a little like a windup toy.

He’ll run around at the speed of sound for a while, and talk your ear off given half the chance, but after a while he starts to grow noticeably… slower. Of course, he’ll protest the fact, still make a decent imitation of a hyperactive kitten, but all in all, it grows more sluggish until finally, inevitably, he keels over.

On the train? He doesn’t even last an hour. It’s easy to get drawn into a conversation with Shou, even easier to let him jump from topic to topic as something new strikes his fancy, and so Ritsu learns about Shou’s year overseas in a patchwork of unrelated information, one minute hearing about the godawful coffee served by this one particular Korean hotel, and the next about some strange western kids’ cartoon he’d seen at some ungodly hour of the morning. It’s always a fun little game with this, trying to piece together the snippets of information like puzzle pieces, except he’s working with about three different puzzles, and he can’t find any edge pieces. In this state, waving his arms around wildly to emphasize his points and cutting himself off every other sentence, Ritsu thinks it’s basically impossible to get a coherent story out of Shou. The probability goes even further down when Shou pauses mid-sentence to yawn. Ritsu finds himself yawning in response, but he manages to ask around it, “You tired?” Shou snorts. “Pff, nah. I’m great. I slept for like, seven hours yesterday.” Now, Ritsu, because he actually wanted to be awake in time to, oh, catch the train, had gone to bed at a half-decent time the previous night. He had, however, woken up for the bathroom at some point, and he knows for a fact that Shou is rather generously rounding up from not much more than three. While Shou looks awake, it’s a bad sort of awake, an ‘I really should be sleeping now oh god’ sort of awake, an ‘I am awake out of sheer determination not to be asleep’ sort of awake, the type of slow-blinking, faux-happy sort of awake that Ritsu forces after he’s just pulled an all-nighter for an essay. God, at least he’s usually had coffee or cereal or something. Shou, with a bad tendency to get nauseous in the mornings, hadn’t so much as been able to touch the water Ritsu had offered, let alone the leftover smoothie Teru had tried to shove in his face.

He tugs a jacket out of his bag and hands it over wordlessly. Shou eyes it for a moment, like a deer liable to be spooked, before reaching out and snatching it from him. There are a few moments of adjustments before he settles, arms folded on the table and the hoodie bundled on top of it as a pillow. Ritsu sees him blink heavily for a little before his eyes fall closed, and then he’s out like a light. He’s vaguely disturbed by how quickly Shou manages to fall asleep, especially in a weird position like that. Sure, he’d managed it back in high school, when his only options for quick naps had been to rest his head on the desk or risk it falling out of his cupped hands when he nodded off. Still, it had always left him stiff and vaguely sick, his stomach protesting being bent over in the single laziest yoga position in existence for any length of time. So, he doesn’t really understand why it’s Shou’s first choice, when there’s a perfectly good window right there. For his part, Ritsu isn’t quite drowsy enough to sleep, so he messes around on his phone for a while, switching from app to app until it buzzes with an email. FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]

Mr. Kageyama,

This email is to inform you that we have received your notification of residence change.

You will be required to vacate your dormitory at least one (1) week prior to the beginning of the new academic year, on June 30th. You must notify the University’s department of Student Housing within three (3) days of your vacating your dormitory. The department of Student Housing can be reached at [phone] .

Ritsu leans back and pulls one knee to his chest, sighing.

This was what it came down to, really, actually finding a place to live. Somewhere within walking distance of the university, with four walls, a roof, and a floor, two bedrooms, working plumbing, and included appliances. It seemed impossible. This, he had thought, this is where it will all come crashing down. And yet. They’d spent most of yesterday looking at online listings, emailing and calling landlords, setting up viewings. The less time spent in Ritsu’s dorm, the better, after all. They’d actually had to narrow down their choices, from ten to seven to about four or five places that they both agreed looked promising. He decides he might as well get something productive done while he’s here, and starts to tap out an email. FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]

Mr. Nishigori, My name is Kageyama Ritsu; we spoke a few days ago on the phone, about a possible tour of your apartment on Amaranth Street. My friend and I will be in town later tonight, and were hoping to set up a time as soon as possible. We would greatly appreciate if you could give us a set of times that work for your schedule over the next couple of days. Thank you for your time,

Kageyama Ritsu [phone]

He sends a couple more emails along those lines, even gets a couple of replies, before it suddenly hits him again, this light, giddy feeling, like his heart is filled with helium and it’s trying to float into his throat. We’re actually doing this, he thinks, and stifles a vaguely hysterical giggle.

On instinct, he gives a cursory sweep of the train to make sure that nobody actually noticed the weirdo laughing to himself. Thankfully, the only other people in the compartment with them are a small family that seem to be occupying themselves with some travel game, the kind of “what can you see out of the window” tactic that his parents employed on him and Mob when they were kids in the car, and then a few more people scattered around in individual seats, either occupied by their own phones or fast asleep.

He’d shrugged on a thin hoodie this morning, to face the early morning chill as they walked to the station, but now that the sun has properly risen he finds himself uncomfortably warm and vaguely sweaty. He pulls it off, leaving it bunched at his back, and notes with absent interest that they’re driving through a forest of some sort. For the most part, the sun only manages to break through the foliage in bits and pieces, painting the compartment in shadowed, dappled greens. Occasionally though, there’ll be a gap in the trees allowing the sun to hit him. Right in the eyes. Inevitably, they chug past the forest, and Ritsu is left completely defenseless against the ball of burning hellfire in the sky. He tries holding his hand in the exact position needed to block it out, but, well, his arm gets tired pretty quickly. He tries draping his hoodie over his head, but the cavern of black fabric gets too hot to breathe in pretty quickly, and Ritsu has little-to-no interest in becoming a baked potato. He’s pretty sure this is a decent argument as to why they should’ve taken the night train, but whatever, he can’t really be bothered to wake Shou up to make a point.

Heaving a greatly put-upon sigh, he stands, steadying himself on the table. He grabs Shou’s backpack from the spare seat and chucks it unceremoniously across to where he was just sitting, and plops down beside Shou. Now that the sun isn’t making a concerted effort at blinding him, he can see the light glinting off of Shou’s hair, lighting it up like some sort of precious metal. There are a lot of dust motes floating around his head.

-

Shou only wakes up once in the next six or so hours, and then only briefly. By the three and a half hour mark, Ritsu has done everything he can think of to keep himself occupied, including looking for shapes in the clouds, doing terrible little stick figure doodles in his notebook, doing what little he can without wifi on his laptop (about fifty seven games of solitare, not that he’s keeping track,) and a short-lived and incredibly uncomfortable nap. He feels like he should be able to sleep, given the easy, lazy warmth of the train, given how easily Shou has been able to slip into it, the soft lines of his shoulders in his white shirt rising and falling as he breathes, blending seamlessly with the almost ethereal summer light.

He’d managed to entertain himself with his phone, for a little while, but once it had hit less than half battery he’d decided to turn it off and definitely not think about it at all, in case he needed to use it for something actually important.

So, he half jumps out of his skin when it starts vibrating like mad in his back pocket. He fumbles with it until he can see that Matsuo is calling him.

“Hey! Kageyama! My bro! Rumor around here is that you’re ditching us, bro!” Ritsu forces himself to bite back ‘I’m not your bro, bro,’ instead deciding on a polite, “Hello, Matsuo. Yes, I’m moving out.” “Ha, dude, nice! Did you score with some chick? Are you actually moving in with your girl? You always seemed like a player, bro!” Ritsu squints. How in the fuck would I strike anyone as a player? A movement to his left draws his attention, and he looks over to see Shou stirring, propping himself up on one elbow to blink blearily at Ritsu. There are red lines in the pattern of the hoodie fabric all over his cheek, and Ritsu has to hold back a laugh at the knockoff Two-Face vibes. He waves dismissively at Shou’s questioning look, a sort of ‘tell you in a minute’ kind of gesture that he hopes Shou understands. “Yeah, about that,” he starts, unsure how to breach the topic. “I’m actually moving in with a friend of mine, but he just got back from overseas, so neither of us actually have a place yet. Is it cool if he sleeps on the couch for the next couple of days, until we’re good?”

“Ha, I can do you one better, bro! Daichi’s still chillin’ with his girlfriend until the end of break, so your dude can just crash in his bed instead!” A pause, and then, “...Yo, Kageyama, is this buddy of yours the one that drank five Red Bulls when you were skyping him, like, to prove that he could?” Ritsu sighs. Naturally, Matsuo has his priorities straight. “Yes. Yes it is.” “Tell him I said hi, yo. He’s hardcore.” A hardcore dumbass, Ritsu thinks, but what manages to come out of his mouth is, “Will do. Thanks, Matsuo.” “Anytime, bro!” As soon as he hangs up he turns to Shou, who’s back at it with the questioning eyes in full force. He’s not quite upright anymore, having slipped downwards so that his head is half-pillowed between the crook of his elbow and the hoodie. Ritsu shakes his head, summarizing. “Just my roommate. He wanted to know if I was actually leaving. Also, Daichi’s gone, so you can take his bed until we get a place.” Shou nods, which is an action really more to the effect of rubbing his face against the jacket, but Ritsu gets the general idea.

“Daichi’s the one you sleep with, right?” He murmurs. “Again, phrasing, but yeah, he’s in my room. I emailed a few of the landlords for the places we were looking at, so hopefully we can decide within a couple days what we’re–” He interrupts himself, in favour of asking the real questions. “Are you… alright? Shou has buried his face entirely in the hoodie. Ritsu isn’t sure exactly how he can be breathing. After a few moments of complete silence, Shou turns his head back to face him. “Not to be creepy, but this jacket smells like your house. It’s. It’s good.”

Ritsu blinks, raises one eyebrow. He feels like he maybe should find that creepy, but it’s not the weirdest thing Shou has ever said to him, and in this state, delirious and actually nuzzling his jacket, it’s almost… is cute the right word for it? Flattering, maybe. Endearing. Something like that, some word he can’t name for the fond exasperation colouring his smile and his voice as he says, “Oh? And what does my house smell like?” “Hmmmmmmmmmn.” Shou makes a long noise of consideration, burrowing his nose into the fabric again. “Smells like you.”

He’s asleep again before Ritsu can even try to think of a response to that one.

-

He’d had to physically drag Shou away from Matsuo, who had a six pack of some godawful energy drink and some very, very bad ideas which were right up Shou’s avenue.

It feels oddly intimate, having Shou sitting across from him in a pair of faded Sonic boxer shorts on his tiny, creaky bed in his tiny, creaky dorm room. He’s cross-legged, coveting a pile of snacks he’d pillaged from the communal pantry in his lap, but he doesn’t complain when Ritsu snatches a chip from his hand every now and again. Ritsu’s been trying to keep them on-topic, but it’s difficult, when Shou’s been wound up again, and he’s bouncing off the walls. He chews thoughtfully for a moment, then asks, “Do you guys have any soda?” Ritsu sighs. “The last thing you need is more sugar.”

At that, Shou perks up, and then he’s gone, bouncing off of the bed and running to the other side of the room with a force that Ritsu thinks must’ve woken up everyone in the next three floors below them. Somehow, his pile of snacks is still on the bed, looking relatively undisturbed. He rummages around in the pockets of his backpack, dumped on top of his suitcase at the foot of Daichi’s bed, until he eventually comes up with– “Shou, no.”

Shou jumps back onto the bed, and this time, a granola bar goes flying. Shou doesn’t seem to notice, because all of his attention is on the bag of melted chocolate and broken dreams that used to be his mother’s cookies. “No, nonononono no,” Ritsu says as Shou starts to open the bag, and leans back so that he can dig his heels into Shou’s back and forcefully push him to the floor. Shou goes willingly, rolling onto his back with the cookies curled close to his chest, and giggling like a maniac. It makes him laugh in return, despite himself. “No. You eat that on Daichi’s bed, you little shit, or you get nothing.”

Shou already somehow covered in melted chocolate, scurries over to Daichi’s bed and hops on with an evil sort of grin that almost makes Ritsu feel sorry for Daichi, the poor ass. Ritsu dumps the rest of the snacks onto the floor and stretches out on his newly free bed.

“As I was saying,” he begins, as if it hadn’t been twenty minutes since he’d last been derailed, “We’re looking at three apartments tomorrow, so we’ll need to leave here kind of early. I know a place we can get lunch. Most of the ones we’re looking at are pretty much fully furnished, so if we do decide on a place tomorrow, we might be able to talk the landlord into letting us sleep there tomorrow night. Especially if we can wave some money around, or whatever. If we can’t…” he sighs. “I can’t say I want to spend much more time here, but it won’t be the end of the world.” He turns his head to look at Shou. “Sound alright?” The look on Shou’s face is something Ritsu doesn’t get to see much out of him: awe. He’s staring, wide eyed and blank for a few beats before he seems to shake himself. “Yeah,” he says, firmly, and then, “Yeah, that’s…” this time, much less so. The silence hangs in the air, pensive and waiting to be filled, so Ritsu waits. Eventually, Shou rolls onto his back, staring resolutely at the ceiling. He starts. “You’re so… on top of this.” Ritsu bites back his immediate retort of ‘well, one of us has to be.’ It’s a joke, but from the vulnerable, almost reticent tone of Shou’s voice, he has the feeling it might hit a little too close to home. At a lack of response, Shou keeps going. “I guess I thought… I, I don’t know what I thought! I didn’t think I’d get this far, I didn’t think you’d agree to this in the first place! It was just some… some dumb idea I had that seemed fun in my head and you’re…” he waves his hands around in some gesture that could mean anything, that sends panic deep into Ritsu’s mind, because he’s sure that Shou is about to finish that sentence with “You’re actually taking this seriously.” What he says instead, is “...You’re actually making this work!” And then he puts voice to what Ritsu’s been thinking for almost a week now, spoken softly, like if one of them finally says it aloud, then, then is when it becomes real. “We’re really doing this.”

Ritsu breathes, “Yeah, we are.” It’s a stupid worry, really, but he can’t help but pray that this isn’t the moment Shou decides he regrets it.

“Thank you,” he says, and it’s almost painfully earnest. “I seriously don’t know how any of this stuff works, and I was just sort of going to, I don’t know, wing it? When I thought I was doing this on my own. But you’re just sort of… doing it. We’re actually looking at apartments tomorrow. And I’m…” And this time, Ritsu can’t resist the jab. “Lying on my roommate’s bed covered in chocolate?” Luckily, neither can Shou. “At least I’ll always bring the sex appeal to our duo,” he says, glancing quickly over at him with a barely veiled grin. “Hm. Debatable.” “Hey!” Ritsu makes himself turn towards Shou, after a while, propping himself up on his elbow. “It’s fine, you know. That you’re not really doing the organizing stuff.” Before he can tell himself not to, he more or less blurts, “I wouldn’t want to do it half as much if it were anyone other than you.” Shou hasn’t moved, hasn’t looked away from the ceiling above him, and Ritsu doesn’t think Shou knows he’s watching him, because the smile that spreads across his face, slowly, and then like a flashbang, like a grenade, God, it could’ve outshone the sun. Shou laughs, a small, shaky thing. “Well, someone has to provide the comic relief.”

#/ #// #/// #//// #///// #robin fic #mp100 fic #fic: aubade

[deniscollins]

Could I Kill My Mother?

What would you do if your 83 year old mother has Stage 4 lung cancer, is in the painful final stage of life, and she tells you “I’m ready to fall asleep and not wake up again,” and you have access to enough morphine which can painlessly put her to sleep and not wake up again: (1) give her an overdose of morphine, or (2) not give her an overdose of morphine? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

I am about to kill my mother.

I am looking for a way to put this off as long as possible, and so I start watching one of the final episodes of the TV drama “The Americans.” Today, Keri Russell, playing a Russian agent, is spying on a State Department official by posing as a nurse for his terminally ill wife.

The agent is a stone-cold murderer, but she feels desperately sorry for the official, whose attempts to help his wife kill herself with morphine have left her in a gasping, not-dead limbo. So Keri Russell finishes the job by shoving a paintbrush down the woman’s throat and holding a plastic bag over her head.

This is not a good time to be watching this particular scene.

Right now my mother is in bed across the hall, in the endgame of Stage 4 lung cancer. She is nearly 83, she has had enough, and she is ready to die. More specifically, she is ready to have me help her die.

I can see her point.

An unsentimental, practical person, she has for many years been preparing for the moment when death would become more alluring than life. We have talked about it nonstop since she received her diagnosis about three months ago and, like Gloria Swanson going up in a blaze of grand pronouncements, declared that she intended to forgo chemotherapy.

“I would rather die than lose my hair,” she said airily to the startled oncologist, before terrorizing the hospital physiotherapist by snapping: “I could be dead in three months. Do you really think it’s going to make a difference if I get out of bed and walk around for five minutes now?”

So she went home to die. She was her regular funny, astringent self.

“Just put a pillow over my head,” she would say, only half joking, when I saw her each evening. “Am I dead yet?” she’d say in the morning, genuinely annoyed that terminal cancer was refusing to adhere to her imagined timetable.

Gradually, the illness took hold, the inevitable became less abstract and the jokes stopped. Mom had vivid dreams of death so awful that she could not bring herself to describe them. She became too weak to leave her bed, more of her independence seeping out each day like air from a balloon. Her world closed in.

Lung cancer is a frightening illness. In its final stages, it can make you feel as though you’re drowning, or suffocating. A formidable pharmacological stew of medications can help to suppress the symptoms, but no pill can take away the pain of waking up each day and remembering all over again that you are about to die.

I know what I’m supposed to do, because she has told me many times. One of the stories passed down as gospel in our tiny family is about how my late father, a doctor, helped his own mother — my grandmother Cecilia, whom I never met — at the end of her life. Her cancer was unbearable. “So he gave her a big dose of morphine to stop the pain,” my mother has always told my brother and me, as if reaching the end of a fairy tale. “It had the side effect of stopping her heart.”

As it happens, I have a big dose of morphine right here in the house. I also have some hefty doses of codeine, Ambien, Haldol and Ativan that I’ve cunningly stockpiled from the hospice service, like a squirrel hoarding for winter. In my top drawer, next to Mom’s passport, are more than 100 micrograms worth of fentanyl patches — enough to kill her and several passers-by.

But I am not a trained assassin. I am not a doctor. I am not very brave. I’m just a person who wants to do the most important thing that her mother has ever asked of her. I’m also a resident of New York State, where assisted suicide is illegal.

Mom has taken to drifting off in the middle of crucial sentences. “It’s important to remember the. …” she announces. “The one thing I need to tell you is. …” But in coherent moments she looks at me with a clarity that shreds my heart. My strong mother. “Oh, Sarah,” she says. “I’m in so much pain.”

So it’s time. I begin counting up the drugs. But then I watch the bungled assisted suicide scene in “The Americans” and I see how easy it is to get wrong and I get scared. Often patients develop a tolerance for morphine, Keri Russell is saying in her guise as hospice nurse, explaining why the higher dose did not kill the dying wife.

How much is the right amount, I wonder, a morphine bottle in my hand. What if Mom chokes, vomits, falls into a half-dead limbo, wakes up and yells at me? How are you supposed to do this? I have no problem with the idea of committing murder on behalf of a dying person you love, but I can’t ask anyone else — the health aides, my brother — for help, since I don’t want to implicate them in my crime.

Panicked, I go online and start calling end-of-life organizations. The people are endlessly compassionate, but no one will, or can, tell me what dosage to give, or how to give it. I try to talk to one of the hospice workers, but she threatens to report me to the police. “We are not having this conversation,” she says.

Oh, yes, we are. She tries another tack. “If you do this, you’ll never forgive yourself,” she says. Actually, I tell her, I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.

But I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I promised, but I can’t.

Families are complicated and mother-daughter relationships are perhaps the most complicated of all. I’ve had a lifetime of feeling unable to get anything right, really, with my mother.

“Mom,” I say finally. I don’t want to bring this up. It’s so late, and she’s so weak and she’s drifting in and out and why didn’t we consider this particular eventuality before, the one where I lose my nerve. But. One thing you can do, I tell her, is to stop eating and drinking. We’ll make you comfortable. We’ll give you so many drugs that you won’t even know. It’ll be like sleeping.

About 20 minutes later, she emerges from her drugged state. “I’m ready,” she says clearly, “to fall asleep and not wake up.”

The next day she wakes up. This is how incompetent I am. “You swore this wouldn’t happen, Sarah,” she says, her voice vibrating with fury. “I’m so sorry, Mama,” I say, crying as I drip more narcotics into her mouth with a syringe.

She lies in twilight for the next few days. But sometimes her eyes open in a panic and dart around, full of fear. It feels as if everything has become very primal, requiring an instinct for improvisation I don’t have.

So I do what has always soothed me, ever since I was old enough to read. I pick up “Charlotte’s Web” and read the last two chapters — aloud, this time — the ones where Charlotte dies after living her singular, stylish life, and three of her chatty spider babies build little webs in the corner of the barn so they can stay with Wilbur the pig.

I always cried when I read this part to my daughters, years ago when they were small, and I cry again as I read it to my mother.

You are not alone, I repeat. You’ll live on, the way Charlotte does, through your grandchildren and their children. It’s O.K. now. You can go.

As I put the book away, I see that her eyes are closed, finally, and that her breathing has evened out, so that it is shallow but calm.

It takes one more day. There are, it turns out, many different ways to help someone die.

#Death