#what i giffed before the video went down noooo
Text
118 notes
·
View notes
Note
this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao
ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so
you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry
and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)
anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.
after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)
he is trying to be this person at every second:
because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.
oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD
examples:
there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.
oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.
and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])
i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say
ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.
allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])
prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.
also this picture.
what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross
he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.
oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about
(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)
1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING
2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH
3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are
like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.
god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)
so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’
i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao
ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case
jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:
and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)
something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:
ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.
and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.
‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.
i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.
i mean:
and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao
oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir
the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it
or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’
OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um
and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will
OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!
#cockles ask#sexuality spec#jensen is bi#anti rps for ts#cockles#liz answers#ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info#i hope someone appreciates it#my analysis#mine
297 notes
·
View notes
Text
Upside Down and Tickle-side Up
Logan and Patton are playing a game of hide and seek tag. Logan experiences his ultimate doom when Virgil suddenly gets involved and starts helping Patton tickle him for being found. In order to come up with ways to fluster him, the boys take inspiration from the game Among us and make lots of references.
May the blue astronaut rest in peace.
This prompt was written by a certain, special cutie: Pumpkinpaw! I hope you like my fanfic! And I especially hope you like my references to Among us!
“Where aaaare you, my giggly nerd?” Patton teased, sprinting after him with his wiggling fingers up in the air.
Logan was pretty much running for his life from an evil, playful Patton stuck in a Ler mood. Logan was already aware he was gonna get caught eventually. But he wanted to increase his time between the words ‘Are you ticklish’ and the actual tickling. Now, they’ll have to work harder to catch him faster in order to tickle him quicker.
Logan ran up the stairs to the hallway that held the side’s bedrooms. Not knowing what room to go in, and with Patton on his tail, Logan ran into Virgil’s bedroom first. Logan bursted into his room and hid in the closet.
Virgil took off his headphones and walked to the closet. “Uuuuuuh…” Virgil opened the closet. “You...okay?”
Logan grabbed the doorknob and closed the closet again. Virgil sighed and opened the closet door again. “What?”
“Shhh…” Logan slowly closed the door again. Virgil grabbed the doorknob and pulled it open. “I’m hiding.” Logan told him.
“Hiding? In here?” Virgil asked.
“It was the closest room I could find.” Logan told him.
“Hm...Okay. Who are you hiding from?” Virgil asked. Virgil’s answer was almost immediately answered when someone knocked on the door. Virgil let go of the closet doorknob and walked to the door.
Virgil opened it to see Patton. “HI VIRGIL!” Patton greeted excitedly.
“Hi Patton.” Virgil greeted, leaning against his doorframe. “You wanna hang out?” Virgil asked.
Patton giggled. “I’d love to, but I’m looking for Logan. We were playing hide and seek tag, and I think he’s hiding from me now. Do you know where he might’ve gone?” Patton asked.
Virgil shrugged his shoulders. “Couldn’t tell ya.” Virgil replied.
“Alright. Well, please let me know if you find him. I’ve got a tickle attack to unleash!” Patton told him.
Virgil blinked in surprise. So THIS was what they were doing… “Tickle attack?” Virgil asked.
“Yeah! I really want to find out where he’s ticklish, but he won’t sit still.” Patton complained.
Virgil giggled. “I can’t understand why that would be happening…” Virgil joked.
“Right?” Patton reacted with a laugh. “Perhaps if you do find out where he is, I could let you do the tickling.” Patton offered.
Virgil raised an eyebrow. Giving away Logan’s hiding spot = being the tickler for him? Now THAT was an intriguing trade. Meanwhile, Logan went wide-eyed at the idea. How about NO?! How about Virgil tells him no, and covers up his hiding spot for him?! Is that too much to ask from him?!
“Sure, why not.” Virgil decided. “He’s in my closet.” Virgil told him. Logan gasped and covered his own mouth. NO! NO NO NO NO NOOOO! VIRGIL YOU SON OF A-
Patton opened the closet door. “Peek a boo!”
“aaAAAAHH! VIRGILYOUFREAKING-” Logan was pulled out of the closet by Patton and was hung upside down with his back facing Patton.
“Heeeey! Look who found you...It was Patton.” Virgil reacted, unenthusiastically with a smirk.
Logan glared at him. “That was very foolish of you.” Logan told him sternly.
“I prefer to call it ‘helpful’.” Virgil responded with a smirk.
“I will get you back for betraying me like that!” Logan swore.
“Oh? You will now?” Virgil reacted, amused. “That’s funny. Uh- small question, oh logical one:” Virgil walked closer to Logan and knelt down to meet his face. “Who’s the one being held upside down with their feet exposed?” Virgil asked him with an evil grin before standing back up.
Logan’s glare softened into slowly growing fear. Virgil had a point, and now...he was stuck with not one, but TWO lers! This is why tag games are so unfair! You don’t get the time to properly strategize and you have to rely on risks and chance! And this time, it did more harm than good.
Logan was snapped out of his thoughts by his own yelp, as a pair of fingers skittered themselves on his feet. Logan tried to curl his feet and cover up what he could. But Virgil, being the evil ler he is, pushed his upper foot back and started skittering his fingers on his vulnerable, inner arch.
“NO! NOhohoho! Thahahahat’s MEHEHEHEAN!” Logan yelled.
“Not as mean as this:” Virgil pulled back BOTH of Logan’s upper feet, and started tickling BOTH HEELS with his fingernails! How DARE he?!
“WAHAHAIT! HAHAHAHAhahahaha! EHEHEHEVIHIHIHIL! Logan shouted at him.
Virgil gasped, immediately stopped tickling him and placed a hand on his own chest. “ExCUSE ME?!” Virgil reacted dramatically.
Logan took the little time he had to catch a break. He tried to breathe in as much as he could, but he only got a few seconds to, before he was hit with more tickles! But this time, on his hips! “NAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAIT DOHOHOHON’T! IHIHIHI’M SAHAHAHARRYHYHYHYHY!” Logan screamed.
Virgil was digging right into the hollows of his hips. “Oh! You’re sorry, you say? Are you sure you’re not just saying it to get out of your ticklish demise?” Virgil teased.
Logan shook his head. “IHIHIHi’M NAHAHAT! IHIHIHI SWEHEHEHEHEAR!” Logan begged as much as he could.
“Oh? You’re swearing now? Hey Patton? What do we say about swearing here?” Virgil asked him, as he kept sneaking little squeezes onto Logan’s hips.
Patton smiled. “You are not allowed to swear in this household unless you are Thomas or Remus because...those are different stories.” Patton replied proudly.
“Buhuhuhut wehe AHAHAHARE Thohohohomas!” Logan protested.
Now it was Patton’s turn to gasp! “Are you questioning our household rules?!” Patton asked in an offended tone.
Logan quickly tried to shake his head. “Nohohoho! Ihihihi’m nahahat!” Logan quickly replied.
Virgil lifted an eyebrow. “I think he was! Logan over here, is acting a little sus for my liking. What should we do, Patton?” Virgil teased.
“Why! tickle the imposter, of course!” Patton declared.
Virgil moved his fingers to the back of Logan’s kneecaps and started scratching one finger on each kneepit. Logan squeaked like a scared mouse and started giggling and cackling in a more higher pitched voice. “WHAHAHAT IHIHIS THIHIHIS?! AHAHAMOHOUNG UHUHUS?!” Logan asked.
“Well it could be, if you want it too! Hey Patton! Blue is sus!” Virgil declared.
“Then what are you waiting for? Call an emergency meeting!” Patton ordered.
Virgil knelt down to Logan’s face and booped his nose. “Done!”
“Good! Let’s keep the imposter distracted while we discuss.” Patton suggested.
“Okay.” Virgil started going for Logan’s sides next, putting Logan in a giggly kinda mood this time.
“So, let’s discuss! How do we know blue is the imposter?” Patton asked.
“Well, it’s easy really. He’s ridiculously ticklish.” Virgil replied before tickling the back of his calves. “See?”
Logan bursted into a fit of high cackles mixed with snorts.
“Oh! He also snorts, which is also a red flag.” Virgil added.
Logan shook his head. “THIHIHIS MEHEHEETIHIHING *snort* IHIHIS RIHIHIHIGGED!” Logan yelled at them.
“Rigged?! How can this meeting be rigged if we’re showing the team all the evidence?” Patton asked.
“AHAHARE AHAHALIEHEHENS EHEHEVEN TIHIHICKLIHIHIHISH?!” Logan asked.
“I don’t know.” Virgil replied, pausing his tickling and kneeling down to look at Logan in the eyes with a smirk. “You tell me, imposter.” Virgil teased.
Logan finally swung himself backwards, and grabbed Patton’s ankles. Climbing up a little, Logan turned himself around to face the front of Patton’s left pant leg. With his right hand reached over and gripping Pat’s ankle, Logan used his left hands’ fingers to tickle the back of his calf.
“aAAAEEEHEHEHE!” Patton squealed, doing all he can to not drop him. Virgil quickly grabbed Logan’s ankles and allowed Patton to let go of him.
“Aww, Virgil! Can you please let go of me?” Logan asked.
“I’ll let go of you when your hands are on the ground. I don’t want you falling onto your head.” Virgil told him.
Logan nodded and planted his hands onto the ground. With his arms secure, Virgil let go of Logan and let Logan bring his feet to the ground. Then, Logan jumped his nimble body up to his feet. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” Virgil replied. “Now it’s Patton’s turn!” Virgil pushed Logan into Patton’s arms and watched as Patton started tickling his ribs and belly.
“NOHOHO WAHAHAHAHAIT! VIHIHIR- GAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!” Logan shrieked and threw his head back laughing when Patton simply poked his belly button.
“Oooh! I should’ve chosen THIS emergency button when I had the chance!” Patton reacted. “This button makes all kinds of alarm noises!”
Logan was wiggling absolutely everywhere and cackling like a mad man. He had forgotten just how ticklish his belly button was, and was not being re-reminded every millisecond of how much the ticklish spot affected him.
“NOHOHOHO MOHOHOHORE! PLEHEHEHEHEASE! IHIHIT TIHIHICKLEHEHES SOHOHOHO MUHUHUHUCH!” Logan pleaded.
“Awww, the poor imposter is too ticklish for his own good.” Virgil teased.
“IHIHI AM NOHOHOT AHAN IMPOHOHOHOSTER!” Logan yelled at them.
Patton lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?” Patton asked.
“YEHEHEHES! IHIHIHI’M HUHUHUMAHAHAN!” Logan yelled back.
“Hmmm…” Patton rubbed his chin.
“Let’s eject him just to make sure. We don’t need any murders showing up here.” Virgil decided.
“Okay.” Patton booped his belly button. “Boop!” Logan squealed super high-pitched and loud. “Bye bye, Logan!” Patton waved, standing up.
Virgil pulled out his phone and pulled up a gif. It was a video of a dark blue astronaut floating in space to the right, with the words [Logan was not the imposter] slowing up on the screen.
“Awwww...We killed an innocent passenger.” Patton whined.
Logan stood back up and dusted himself off. “I’ll happily inform you that I am indeed, alive and breathing.” Logan told them.
“LOGAN!” Patton jumped into his arms and tackled him right back onto the ground again. Logan sighed and decided to make the ground his permanent residence as Virgil laughed his head off at the two of them.
“Sohoho much for getting up!” Virgil laughed.
“Mm hmm…” Logan commented.
Patton giggled and got back up. “Looks like I finally caught you! Now you’re it!” Patton declared.
Logan smirked and immediately started rubbing his hands together. “Heheheheh...Good.”
Patton immediately took off running, with Logan following right behind him. Virgil just laughed and watched them run away from his room. When the boys were nowhere to be seen, Virgil closed his door and sat back onto his bed. He put his headphones onto his head and reconnected them to his phone. Ready to listen to more music, Virgil scrolled through his songs with his thumb.
But as Virgil was scrolling, he started to lose interest in his music. What he actually wanted to do, was tickle the boys again. That was the kind of music he REALLY wanted to hear. So, Virgil took off his headphones, turned them off, and snapped his fingers.
In no time at all, the sounds of stomping and yelling, turned into overlapping fits of laughter!
“WHAHAHAHAT THEHEHEHE- IHIHIHI THOHOHOHOUGHT WEHEHEHE WEHEHEHERE DOHOHOHONE?!” Logan shouted, kicking and failing to wave the dozens of purple flying feathers away from him.
“HEHEHEHEHEY! NOTTHETOES- NAHAHAT THEHEHE TOHOHOHOHOHOES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Patton squealed and laughed wholeheartedly. There were dozens of purple feathers tickling him too, but a few of them were focusing on, you guessed it: his toes.
VIrgil just laughed at their reactions and walked out to the stairs to listen to their laughter more clearly.
Soon, Virgil bursted out laughing more when a third voice had spoken up. It didn’t take long for the third voice to burst out into cackles of his own. He knew exactly who it was: it was Janus. And boy, was it fun to hear his laugh!
Isn’t being the ler fun?
#fluff#chase scene#ticklefic#ler!virgil#switch!patton#switch!logan#mentions of among us game#playful patton#playful virgil
50 notes
·
View notes
Note
HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫
HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333
HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)
YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤
CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW
SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗
12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU
HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)
FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS
LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆♀️💆♀️💆♀️💆♀️💆♀️
YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨
NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖
OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺
AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO
AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.
BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫
FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((
that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭
LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT S H O O K ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????
OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST.
YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭
AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭
NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33
AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((
AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine
AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌
GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
im watching the projared explanation vid rn n i'm gonna keep adding to this as i watch. think of this as like real-time commentary? even tho it’s not real-time at all like i’m just pausing the video to make lil comments. here’s vid btw.
but geez it'd be weird if all he did was cheat (like it's icky i’m def against cheating... but how would that matter to you if it doesn't involve u personally?).
TLDR (this was written after the fact):
i’m rly leaning towards believing him about not doing the underage stuff. and i wished i had listened to my initial gut on that. i could care less about exchanging nudes with fans if they were 18+. i also could care less about any relationship drama.
anyways i watched all of it and wrote a LOT. it’s kinda interesting (not rly) to see my opinion change over the course of the writing? i was really tearing into jared at first ahaha. but i’m putting it under a readmore. it’s not written well at all so read if you dare...
just started watching. first of all i will say it feels very scripted (is he lying/acting/performing? or is it just well thought out??) idk and LOL at him purposely looking unshaven and like a mess... like THAT was at least on purpose and makes me immediately not rly trust him? but idk i can't actually judge him based on this rly... then again what a sappy fucking thumbnail.
aw geez IT'S LIKE HE'S DOIN A REG COMEDY VIDEO like stop acting dude? i know he's... well he’s weird and seems like a very “scripted” person if that makes sense? but... it's just a rly weird move to try and make a "here's the real story/apology" video this way. not how i’d do it at all (and i’ve been there to a much lesser degree so)...
oh and i know he's SUPER mad at the two (at the time) underage ppl? and justifiably so if they lied. but idk his claim that the only reason for them to remove their accusation posts was "bc they held no water and they knew the timing was right to safely do the most damage"? uh dude you're one of the more well known youtubers like IMAGINE all the ppl that were harassing these guys? well at least they were both lgbtq etc and the gaming community has a traditionally open mind about that (sarcasm).
btw i kinda hate the term "the tea" too? soo much. but just bc it's another appropriated term white kids overuse... but even still i probably wouldn't have opened up a vid like this... well i'll just say it...
was he straight up pointing the finger at gay ppl etc for harassing him n bein shallow n only enjoying the drama etc? like idKKK it just felt like he was calling out sassy gay ppl ONLY like why did he even say that??
yeah bc straight white gamer dudes NEVER gossip about drama. they NEVER act shallow. dude ur fanbase is like... some of the most shallow, gossipy ppl out there. i can't TELL you how many AWFUL videos i watched of your fans n other youtbers talking about you. and how... INSANE? it was? that they only rly called you out for "cheating on your cute wife" bc the accusations of underage shit n manipulation yeah nbd! but god forbid you cheat on your "attractive cosplay wife".
srry i'm rly tearing him apart here... i'm not meaning to. almost every gaming personality has shit fans. even i? me. a nobody. have to double check new followers to see if they're nazis etc? it's so common... anyways i'm not actually damning him in any way yet even if i'm bringing up so many lil issues i have w this vid lol srry?
btw i used to follow his tumblr. there was WEIRD shit going on, esp right before it shut down. like the "i got hacked" thing seems really convinient? IDK srry it's just my gut but he reminds me of sociopaths etc i used to be friends with. how he explains things and talks... like they all sound a lil like dennis from always sunny? idk my gut is tellin me he's full of shit i'm sorry. gonna keep watching.
wait he really WAS hacked? i mean i guess i believed he was hacked at first bc the guy posting awful shit and claiming to be a pro-hacker was... well he was too crazy to be made up. a real fucking maniac loser.
as time is going on, unless all of this stuff is fabricated? he seems ro have found a crazy amount of proof that he didn't do the underage stuff. like... maybe the weird vibes he gave off is this stuff drove him insane? like... i’ve been friends with/dated quite a few fucked up, gaslighting assholes? trying to figure out what the fuck is going on can drive you a little nuts.
he's kinda winning me over here a lil... again if the underage/manipulation stuff is untrue? i could care less about the other stuff. and i LOVE ross? but srry... who cares about that other stuff...
to explain what changed my mind: most ppl that he reminds me of are sociopaths etc. or rather, people that really fucked my life up. so i have a lotta baggage regarding them? and they're bigger in my mind than the other types. i won't lie the way he explains things and argues points REALLY bugs me? but i know ppl like that who are good people. or at least not psychopaths. immature, basic idiots at the worst (not that im callin HIM an idiot). anyways that alone doesn't make him guilty. watchin more now.
i was about to bring up that its actually really... cool? that he's focusing on the underage shit rather than the cheating/drama? bc thats all that needs to be explained rly? but LOL he just got to the "game grumps" part n in losing it. am i rly about to drown in this drama? fuck dude lol noooooo....
okay finished it. fuck man idk i feel stupid. right at the start i even was like "noooo he couldn't have!" but the underage stuff is like... like that shit makes my brain boil n stop working n go into “ill kill him” mode. and jared was so silent and so i figured he was doing damage control (ignoring it until it went away) rather than research to show people this was all fake/getting legal advice?
i kinda think he didn't do any of the real icky shit. i still get a vibe he might be a weirdo. and i don't think heidi necessarily made ALL of that stuff up? and i could care less that he was getting sexually involved w his fans like even I have been flirted with due to running a game gif blog (god knows why). and like FUCK it's so normalized for ppl in bands to sleep w fans? so why on EARTH would people think youtube gamerz are “too good for that”? anyways...
my point is, i think i mighta been wrong about him n the underage stuff. idk what to believe about the other stuff? the only thing i know for sure is that ross o'donovan is a very sweet n nice guy. and i'm so glad the drama between him and jared was imagined. it was prob just shitty to have fans ask him about it over and over...
okay lol if you just read all of this please go do something more fun and interesting now lol! i'm gonna put this all under a readmore and put a tldr on it! and... go to bed bc fuck its 2am OOPS!
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Static (Antisepticeye Fic) Part 3
Part 3 is here! Hope you enjoy it :)
Part 1: (x)
Part 2: (x)
I woke up in hospital and found stitches in my arms. I was sore there, but not nearly as much as I was in my heart after today. I needed to see my son. As soon as I was told I was fit to go, I hurried to where Sam was. I hesitated outside the room, unsure if Signe wanted me there. I heard Sam cry for me, and that was all I needed to burst in there. I’d let him down twice today and I couldn’t do it again.
“Daddy’s here,” I reassured him lovingly.
“Daddy!” he cried, his little arms outstretched. I sat down on his bed and I cradled him in my arms. He held me tightly, even though he was only here because of what I did.
“Daddy’s here now, little man,” I said softly to him, “Daddy’s got you.”
“I thought I told you to go,” Signe said snappily.
“I know,” I cried, “But he wants me. And I want him, too.”
“So much that you tried to kill him,” she responded, upset. She suddenly saw the three marks I had on each arm. “What have you done to your arms?” she asked.
“What do you care?” I wept.
“I can’t help but care, Seán,” she replied. “Whether I want to or not.” I paused. I sighed.
“I punished myself,” I sobbed. “I deserved it after what I did!” She didn’t exactly jump at the chance to refute what I said. “Even you know I’m right.”
“I didn’t say that-“
“It’s true, Signe,” I stated tearfully. “I deserve pain for making our innocent boy suffer.”
“Why did you do it?” she asked me again.
“I don’t know!” I sobbed loudly. “I don’t know…” I echoed more softly. “It’s… in my head…” I continued, feeling myself shaking. Signe looked very worried and confused then. “Something’s making me do it… I can’t… control it…”
“You need help, Seán,” she said with a wobbling, concerned voice.
“What’s wrong with Daddy?” Sam asked, scared.
“I don’t think Daddy’s very well, darling,” Signe explained sadly.
“Does he need a doctor like I did?” he wondered.
“Yeah, maybe,” she replied, stroking his head. “But not the same kind of doctor,” she added. Sam looked perplexed. “You know how the doctor told you what was wrong with your body today? Well… it’s not like that with Daddy. It’s… it’s in his head.” Sam appeared to think for a few moments about what she said.
“Is that why he hurt me?” he asked. My heart broke when he said that. Signe paused, seemingly shocked to hear the words out loud, too.
“Maybe, sweetheart,” she responded anxiously. “Maybe.”
“I’m sorry,” I cried again to Sam.
“It’s okay, Daddy,” he replied sweetly. “I know you’re not well like me.” When Signe popped out of the room to go to the bathroom, she must have spoken to someone. She was gone a while, and she brought someone with her when she returned. It was a psychiatrist. She told him that she thought that I might be hearing voices in my head or something, and it was making me do bad things. She explained that these things were extremely out of character for me, and that something had to be wrong with me. I was asked about what I’d done, and what it felt like to me. He told me that it certainly sounded like something wasn’t right with me, and he wondered if I was safe to be around Sam. My heart shattered into tiny shards to think that I could be considered a danger to my own son, who I adored and would never choose to bring harm to. Sam cried his heart out because he didn’t want me to be taken away from him. He clung to me desperately, crying ‘Daddy’ over and over again. I did my best to comfort him, but I couldn’t quieten him. Static. I wasn’t mad at him at all; I was furious with myself for being unable to soothe my own child.
“Why can’t I make him feel better?” I cried frustratedly. “Why am I so useless?!” I began to start ripping out my stitches, shaking violently. “You deserve it!” I shouted to myself. “You’re evil! Evil!” The psychiatrist had to take me away to get my stitches fixed, and I could hear Sam shrieking for me. When I was finally calmed enough to have my stitches redone, the psychiatrist talked to me some more. I told him about the static. The voice that told me to do bad things. Anti controlled me. Anti wanted me hurt my boy today, as well as myself. He didn’t know about Anti, and I feared that he would see me as crazy. I hoped that my community would do something soon to kill Anti, before I got taken to a mental hospital. I couldn’t be away from Signe and Sam, I needed them so much. When I got the chance, I posted as much as I could about needing to kill Anti. I told them that he was out of control, and I wasn’t joking about it anymore. He needed to be stopped. That night, I came across a video entitled ‘The Death of Anti’. Of course, I had to watch it. It was a video of me VS Anti, the final battle. Seeing Anti made me hear static.
“You will lose, Anti,” I said in the video. “Good always triumphs over evil in the end.”
“Oh, really?” Anti answered darkly as he glitched. “But you’re weak, and your fans keep making me stronger.”
“Not anymore, Anti,” I replied bravely. “You’re going down today. It’s over.” This was followed by clips of a vast number of subscribers saying things like ‘no more Anti’ and ‘Anti is dead’. Anti seemed to have no hype to live on anymore. There were also clips of people showing more hype about me instead, with art/GIFs/etc. of me as my normal self - as well as art of my triumph over Anti. Anti’s glitching got out of control, until suddenly he disappeared out of sight. It was just me on camera. I’d won. The static in my head faded and the tense feeling I had there disappeared. Anti was gone. I rushed back to Signe and Sam.
“It’s alright,” I told them, “The voice is gone. It’s just me now. I’m alright.”
“How do you know?” Signe questioned.
“They killed Anti,” I explained. “He’s gone.” I went closer to her and I gently cupped her face. “Everything’s gonna go back to normal now. I promise.” I kissed her, and she responded lovingly. I caressed her cheek gently. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she echoed, “I never stopped.” I kissed her forehead, before looking at Sam.
“Daddy’s fine now, sweetheart,” I said to him. “I won’t be mean again. I promise you.” But no-one else seemed to understand that I really was alright. The psych team didn’t believe me when I said I was better, and they tried to take me away.
“You weren’t fine earlier,” the psychiatrist stated. “We think you need help.”
“No, you don’t understand!” I refuted. “I really am alright!”
“We need to take you away for the safety of your son,” he explained.
“No! No, you can’t!” I begged. They still didn’t change their mind. “At least let me say goodbye,” I wept. Pause. They nodded. I cradled my boy in my arms. “I love you, Sam, alright? I love you so much,” I cried as I stroked his little head.
“I love you too, Daddy,” he cried back. “Gonna miss you…” he added sadly.
“I’m gonna miss you too, soldier,” I sobbed, before holding him tight and close like I’d never let him go. “Don’t forget about me, son,” I wept.
“I won’t, Daddy,” he replied through tears. I kissed his head, my lips shaking and more tears pouring down my face. When I had to go, Sam wouldn’t release his grip from me. He screamed and cried, protested and fought. He held on tighter and tighter the more they tried to prise him away from me. I held him tighter, too, never wanting to lose him. They decided to give up for now. Maybe they’d slip me away while he was asleep. But it meant I got to stay with him. Sam fought his tired eyes, no matter how hard they tried to shut. He wanted to make sure I would stay with him. I promised him I would be there, but he still battled to stay awake. “You need to sleep,, little man,” I eventually said to him.
“Noooo,” he said tiredly. “Wanna see that you’re here.”
“It’s alright,” I comforted him, “Daddy’s not going anywhere.”
“They wanna take you away…” he cried sleepily.
“I won’t let them, I promise,” I reassured him softly. “Daddy’s here.” To avoid any further pain, I decided to say goodbye to Signe and go. I embraced her, before we shared a long, tender and tearful kiss. I cupped her face, looking into her heartbroken eyes. “Never forget how much I love you,” I cried, and placed a kiss on her forehead.
“I love you too, Seán,” she wept. I held her close again for a solid few minutes. She struggled to let me go when I took my arms slowly away. I had to prise her off and she kept trying to hug me again. I told her that she just had to let me go. It had to be this way. I told her I loved her again, before leaving the room. I heard her sobbing. I looked in and she was cradling Sam as she wept. I cried harder, but I felt I had no choice but to walk away.
10 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
