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side-effect-of-the-meds · 5 years

Note

Is there a fem!Jean Moreau? (Jeanne Moreau, perhaps?) Can she be friends with Erin? Does she perhaps have a chance to become a Fox?

Okay so this took a long time bc I kept getting distracted. I think I covered most of Jeanie in the long ass Riko post.

So y'all are up to date on Jeanie' s flight from Evermore with Ania and Cleo.

The boys return to Palmetto two days after Jeanie and Ania

Kevin goes ballistic when he sees Cleo bc he thinks he's hers.

Jeanie just shakes her head and Kevin just kinda frowns. When he pieces it together he shrieks

He takes baby Cleo into his arms really carefully and curls up in a corner, cradling her in his arms, rocking softly as he bawls his eyes out.

"Oh, Cleo-" he bursts out in tears over and over again.

Everyone just kinda stares at him for a while. Ania is the first to go to him, followed by Jeanie. All the Ex-Ravens are curled up in the corner trying to hold Kevin together.

They won't say anything until all the Foxes are back together. They doubt they'll be able to tell them everything more than once. It's too painful.

So Ania takes Kevin and the cousins to pick up Erin. They bring Cleo with them.

Erin walks out to the waiting room with her empty facade up until he sees Cleo.

"What the fuck have you done, Josten?" She half whispered in awe of the child. Ania offers her the child and Erin takes it. Nicky and Aaron are screaming internally.

Cleo is literally 6 months old at this point.

Erin is a monster who's absolutely melted at the sight of this baby.

She just keeps the baby real close to her chest and lets Ania drive them back. She's just staring at Cleo the whole time.

They file into the foxhole court where the upperclassmen are already waiting.

They all surge to their feet when they see Cleo. Erin looks ready to fight anyone who tries to take Cleo from her.

"I've only had Cleo for an hour but if anything happens to her, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself."

Jeanie, Ania, and Kevin stand in front of them. It takes some coaxing from Ania but Erin gives up Cleo. The Ex-Ravens tell them their story. They explain the truth about Kevin and Riko's relationship, the extent of The Master's abuse, and the truth about Cleo's father.

The Foxes are all horrified but Wymack and Erin look fully prepared to drive out and kill Tetsuji themselves

Erin's barely able to hold her facade together. She's pissed that Riko faced what she did but she also ordered Proust to do the things he did. As a person who knows what it's like to face rape, Erin is struggling to understand how Riko could have done something like that.

Back in Cali, Erin had nearly been forced to bear Drake' s child. She and her cellmate in juvie had managed some really shitty in-house abortion.

Later on the roof, when Ania tells her what happened to her specifically at Evermore. All of Erin's empathy is gone. Fuck Riko for touching her Ania. Erin is fully prepared to go to war with this thot. Ania stops her. If Erin wants to destroy Riko they have to take Exy from her first.

Erin doesn't need any other form of motivation for the rest of the year. Anytime she sees Cleo and Ania, she remembers what she's fighting for.

They're girls worth fighting for :')))

Anyway, because Jeanie isn't enrolled in school, she's now devoting full time to caring for Cleo. These days, Abby and Wymack and even the team are helping her.

She goes to therapy sessions with Bee once a week. It's hard for her. She isn't ready to go see Bee and she has to leave Cleo to go see her.

Erin is the one that convinced Jeanie to go. She offers to watch Cleo for Jeanie while she's gone. Jeanie begrudgingly agrees, knowing that Erin would never hurt the baby.

It takes a few weeks before Jeanie actually opens up to Bee. It's a slow road to recovery but Jeanie' s begun it and that's what's important.

Kevin wants Jeanie to stay with the Foxes but he also wants Jeanie to be able to come out and live her life as a woman the way she deserves to. South Carolina just isn't progressive enough for her to live there safely. She'll have a hard time making court when she comes out but Kevin just wants her to be happy.

So that's why he pulls Jeremy aside. He needs a place where he knows Jeanie will be safe and the Trojans are definitely the best choice for her.

Jeremy is a trans man so Kevin knows that Jeanie will have the support she needs.

Before Jeanie leaves tho, Allison takes her to the mall and gives her a makeover. They buy Jeanie dresses and skirts and make up. Allison teaches her makeup. All the girls are very supportive of her.

Jeanie ends up being closest to Erin. Erin absolutely adores Cleo and Jeanie sees Cleo as her own child at this point.

Look, Erin is just hella soft for Cleo okay. Fight me

Jeanie has caught Erin singing softly to Cleo. Sometimes Cleo will babble at her and Erin will sit and nod her head thoughtfully. She'll have full on conversations with her.

Jeanie has heard Erin laugh one (1) time and it's when she blows bubbles on Cleo' s stomach to make her laugh. Cleo, in turn, tried to do it to Erin on her cheek. Erin has a really soft gravelly laugh and Jeanie is so shook. She doesn't tell anyone tho. It's far too private.

Bc Erin was in foster care, she knows a thing or two about raising small children so she teaches Jeanie a thing or two on the matter.

Cleo stays at the Foxhole Court with Wymack and Abby during the day and then goes home with Abby and Jeanie at night. As a result, Erin starts spending a lot of her free time at the court. Which is how she and Jeanie end up being so close.

When it's time for Jeanie to leave for Cali, she decides that it's probably best that Cleo stay with Erin. It's a teary goodbye bc Jeanie has just made her first set if real friends and now she's leaving them and Cleo. Erin promises to Skype Jeanie once a week so she can see the baby.

Jeanie arrives in Cali to meet the most beautiful man she's ever met. Looking at Jeremy Knox is like looking directly at the sun. Jeanie doesn't care tho. If she has to burn herself up to stand next to this man, so be it.

Jeremy is a ball of energy and Jeanie is kind of the silent stoic type. This doesn't change a whole lot once she starts at USC.

Being quiet is not a character flaw

Being quiet is NOT a character flaw

BEING QUIET IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW

But Jeanie does smile a lot more. She isn't as tense as she used to be. She gets to go out with the rest of her team and have fun.

Jeremy loves to skateboard so he tries teaching Jeanie. She falls on her ass all the time. He always laughs at her but it isn't mean so she ends up laughing too.

He always patches up the little nicks and scratches she gets when skateboarding. One day she gets one on her face.

Pressing a kiss to the nick, he whispers, "To help it heal faster."

"I think I've got one on my mouth too." The words are out of Jeanie' s mouth before she processes them. When she does, she goes beet red. Jeremy laughs and presses a soft kiss to her lips. Jeanie is on cloud 9.

Since they live in SoCal they go to the beach on long weekends.

The Knoxs have a beach house so they usually head out there.

CHRISTMAS AT THE BEACH WITH JEREMY, ALVAREZ AND HER GF (I can't remember her name for the life of me)

There's mistletoe on the door :))))

That's how Jeanie ends up kissing Jeremy in front of the girls.

They come back from break as a couple.

They dominate the board until they hit Palmetto at finals.

The Trojans go all out this year but they're no match for the Foxes.

They have an after party where the Trojans get invited. Jeanie is so happy to have her old and new friends all together

And CLEO

CLEO IS RUNNING AROUND ANd PLAYING AND TALKING BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL BC SHES ONLY A YEAR AND A HALF OLD!!!!!!!!

Jeanie is carrying her when Cleo sees someone and screams, "Mama!!!!"

Jeanie turns to see where Cleo is pointing.

It's Erin

Cleo calls Erin mama

Jeanie hands Cleo over to a blank faced Erin. Her apathy doesn't last tho. When Cleo presses a kiss to Erin's cheek she melts. Jeanie laughs.

"Shut it, Moreau."

"Yes, Mama." Jeanie barely dodges the hand Erin swats at her.

Ania jogs in and Cleo calls her Mommy!

Ania winds an arm around Erin's waist while pressing a kiss to Cleo's head.

Jeanie smiles at them. She's glad Cleo has her two moms but she's a little bit sad too.

"We can have a baby too, if you want," Jeremy offers while they're standing alone on the balcony. "I mean, not now but… eventually."

"You have to marry me first," Jeanie said with a smile.

"No problem, love," he replied slipping a little box out of his pocket.

Jeanie cries. It's a bit fast and they both know it but Jeanie knows she doesn't want to spend her life with anyone else.

They get married on a beach in SoCal and Ania and Erin are there. They hate beaches but Jeanie thinks that it's time they made new memories anyway.

Cleo is their flowergirl. She's terrible at her job but no one really minds.

Laying in bed beside her new husband, Jeanie is happier than she's ever thought she'd be

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escapvst · 6 years

Text

hey friends !! my name is cas ( she/her) & i live in cst !! i was here like .4 secs ago, but i kinda got overwhelmed with classes, so now i am here again bc i missed it too much !!

( i edited jude a bit, so he’s just a little bit different )

—— wait, that’s not NOAH CENTINEO ! it’s JUDE COSTA who identifies as CISMALE. a TWENTY-ONE year old JUNIOR and a SOCIAL CHAIRof OMEGA ALPHA PI. jude is CHARISMATIC, IMPETUOUS and studying MARKETING. will he even have time to do anything else?

background info

jude was born in santa barbara, ca on october 21, 1997. he is an only child & had a fairly normal childhood with his parents owning a successful marketing company.

the deal when jude graduated high school was that he could choose the college, but his father would pick the degree. business just seemed like the most optimal route, since the costas have plans of their only son taking over the business.

if you knew jude his freshman year, then you knew the rumors. he spent the majority of his first year out partying, sleeping around, and causing trouble. in fact, many considered jude the reveler of omega alpha pi.

many wondered why he had joined ΩΑΠ instead of BΩP, but he had been specifically recruited for his athleticism and skill in lacrosse. ( in fact, he was scouted by luama u & given a rather large scholarship to attend for that lax lyfe )

sophomore year only brought more troubles & one night jude was caught trying to vandalize a statue on campus. the dean offered a warning: one more mistake & jude could kiss lacrosse, greek life, and his scholarships goodbye.

however, the punishment, at the time, seemed much worse. forced to volunteer at the campus’ radio station every tuesday & thursday seemed just about as interesting as watching paint dry.

yet, over the rest of his spring semester, he grew fond of the station & was even able to began playing his own picks and occasionally talk on air. now, he regularly helps out & can be found there most days when he doesn’t have practice or classes.

the jude costa that you may know now isn’t the one you’ve heard rumors of. yes, he did tp the whole science building. no, he didn’t hook up with that one philosophy professor. and, yes, he just might’ve been the reigning beer pong champ for three semesters in a row. but now he seems somewhat different. could it all be just a sham or front ?

fun facts / interesting info

business is just about the last thing that jude would like to major in. if he could have it his way, he would major in philosophy or peace studies.

jude has a fondness for music. you’ll often see him with ear buds in while walking around in between classes. he firmly believes vinyl is the best way to listen, though. his favorite genre is alternative and folk, but he’ll usually play rap around his frat bros.

where he can be found: the radio station, luama aquarium, starlight lua & the mokes.

although he was considered trouble in all aspects for the first two years, jude is a pretty likable guy. in fact, he can make friends with just about anyone these days. yet, he can also come off pretty cock and self-assured. he knows he good looking, smooth talking, and a sports star. he’s not afraid to show off a little.

jude has a temper that he just can’t seem to calm down once provoked. it takes a lot to get him to a point of no return, but many usually know not to push his buttons from past stories and personal experiences.

he’s the captain of the lacrosse team ! which means he is serious about the sport & wants his teammates to be too. you won’t see him out partying before a game.

the escapist ( his URL ): jude seems to relate to this label ( even if no one else sees it ) because that’s exactly what he would like to do — escape. often lost in his own thoughts, he dreams of what it would be like to do what he wants. maybe he could travel the globe. maybe he could find his vocation instead of taking over his parents’ business. maybe he could even quit lacrosse. yet, everything that he wants to give up defines him. without all of this...he would be nothing.

wanted connections

an old flame: someone that jude was never really serious about. they dated around for a few months ( maybe longer ) & maybe he led them on just a little too much. in fact, there’s some discrepancy on the reason for them even breaking up...but now jude has been labeled a cheater. TAKEN: SUMMER

the confidant: ( must be from ΩΑΠ ) this is a person that has been there for jude ever since rush week. hell, they even might share a room in the frat house together. regardless, this person knows him like no one else...and maybe they’re a little confused what happened between sophomore year and now. TAKEN: NOAH

the secret fling: they act as if they hate each other, but of course it’s all an act. behind the scenes, the two just can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. truth be told, telling people about their nights together would mean affirming every stereotype. so, they keep it under wraps for now. TAKEN: CLEO

fwb: this could be multiple people because lbr, jude is a hoe & lives for sex and flings. maybe they met on tinder, at a party, through a class...but now they’re on his list for booty calls ( which he makes pretty frequently ) TAKEN: CAMRYN, CHARLIE & WREN

radio friends: they met at the station and had to put up with all of jude’s attitude. at first, they probably thought he was a prick. now, he’s grown on them. in fact, one would even say they get along. yet, they come from two different backgrounds...and it seems that a friendship outside of the station would be completely impossible.

enemies: maybe they’re on the same sports team, maybe they’re rivals within their major, maybe a frat friendship that just turned wrong. either way, this person knows how to push jude’s buttons ( and vise versa ).

the one he brings home to mom: so maybe he might’ve said they were together one time. in all honesty, he just did it because it would get his parents off his back about finding a nice girl. and they were the best option because, well, they were friends anyways .now every time his parents visit they have to pretend to be madly in love. TAKEN: ROSIE

the bad influence: back in freshman and sophomore year, these two did everything together. in fact, they were the ones usually egging each other on to go to extremes. whenever they were around, trouble was sure to follow. now, it seems like they’re not even the same people anymore. TAKEN: JAKE

( TW: DRUNK DRIVING, CAR ACCIDENT, HIT & RUN ) the incident: it wasn’t supposed to happen. it was a mistake. in fact, jude isn’t even sure how exactly he got into his car. all he remembers is the accident and him driving away. no one was hurt...or at least he thinks so. maybe he went to your muse, maybe your muse was in the car. idk but that’s his secret tho. TAKEN: FAYE

i know i was here before, so if you guys want to keep any of the plots we had just let me know ?? buT I AM DOWN FOR ANYTHING with ANYONE !! also you can check this tag for inspo. anywhoo, i am so excited to plot with you all so like this & i’ll come to you

#luaintro #i know i was here before but i'd love to plot with you if we haven't !!

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superior-in-every-way · 6 years

Note

Story time please😍💓🎉

OOC:

Hi! I’m always unsure what to write about. Do you want something NSFW? Something from the past? Something cute? Something modern?

Since I’m kinda unsure, I decided to go for something modern and canon this time. An interview! Yay, my first time writing one! This is likely SFW and super, super canon (at least that’s 100% how I could imagine it):

Host: Hello Ladies and Gentlemonsters and welcome to Talk Scare! I am here tonight to talk to a famous family we all know. The de Niles!

Audience: *cheers*

Host: That’s right, dear monsters. The de Nile family has been in debate for several years now. Ramses’ opinions, Nefera’s career, Cleo’s attitude, even! Lately, though, something big has happened in their unlives. The media has secretely speculated about the absence of Mrs. de Nile. Many theories were developed. Is she dead? Did she leave her family? Did Ramses murder her?

Audience: *laughs*

Host: No, really, guys. I’ve heard that. However, the question has finally been answered! Dedyet de Nile has returned to her family on February 1st after being captured in the Catacombs. The family has never talked about her a single time and has refused to answer any questions about her, no matter who asked, but now, dear guests, now she is here! Now, more than half a year later, the de Niles are willing to speak. And here they come!

Audience: *applaudes*

Ramses, Dedyet, Nefera and Cleo: *walk in, wave and sit down on the couch next to the host*

Host: Welcome, dear guests! I am sure it has been a tough choice for you to come here so publically, especially for you, Dedyet.

Dedyet: Heh, yes. *blushes* I was a bit unsure about my English and… About the way the people of the New Age might view me.

Host: Why? Have you often dealt with rejection of your people?

Dedyet: Hm, well, not really, but-

Ramses: What an insulting question! Are you saying we have been unpopular amongst our underlings?!

Host: Errr, no… So… How was the reunion for you as a family?

Dedyet: Emotional. While I had kind of been unconscious for all these years, only dreaming about them, my family had not. I cannot imagine how hard it was for them to cope without me.

Host: Why? Are you a bit self-absorbed?

Ramses: *about to freak out*

Dedyet: No, not really. And I do not think that, just because my family and I have been raised in a strict and different way than people these days who are not royal, you should judge me and us like that. I mean… We’re all different and I’m really grateful for that! I was only saying it was hard for them to cope without me, because of my position in the family. Imagine how hard it must be for two children to grow up without their mother… *eyes get wet*

Host: Indeed. How hard was it?

Cleo: Very. There was always someone missing. In the conversations, at the dinner table… But with passing time it became so normal for us that no one talked about her. Sometimes I even felt like Father had forgotten her…

Ramses: *slightly angry* Well, I have not.

Host: How was it for you, Nefera?

Nefera: Ah… Weird. Someone who I used to see and talk to every day was suddenly gone.

Host: How much did it hurt?

Nefera: *rolls eyes*

Host: *gives her an urging look*

Nefera: Ugh, fine! *rolls eyes* …Lots.

Dedyet: *smiles and kisses her head* Aw, she has such a hard time talking about her feelings!

Nefera: Ugh, Mother!

Dedyet: …Sorry, dear.

Host: What are your plans for the future?

Ramses: Try living our lives in a way that makes sure to include Dedyet. She has many things to learn. We might as well seek more privacy than usually. But this is important, to include her even more.

Cleo: Yes! Like, there are so many things Mother hasn’t done or seen yet!

Nefera: Don’t worry, Sis, Mother has seen often enough what a loser you are. *fake smiles*

Audience: *laughs*

Cleo: Ahem. I was talking about a Sale at the Maul. Mom has never seen one. Fetching the best prices is so exciting! A must for any fashionable ghoul!

Host: Has she met your boyfriend, at least?

Cleo: Of course! They have been getting along great! Deuce even-

Ramses: This is not the point of today’s discussion!

Cleo: *rolls eyes*

Host: Well, since there are no more questions on my side to ask-

Nefera: Wait! What about me?

Host: …Excuse me?

Nefera: Uh… You asked me something like once.

Host: *laughs* Since you’ve been here previously to talk about your career, I do not think-

Nefera: Well, yeah, my career. So, I’ve had an appointment with a world famous agency last week. They want me on all the magazine covers! I am more famous than ever and any monster who has been waiting to hear about me can definitely cheer right now!

Audience: *cheers*

Nefera: My career is far from over and anyone who says otherwise is a jealous prick!

Dedyet: Honey, that’s a mean word! *pouts*

Nefera: Well, that’s why I used it.

Ramses: Is this now over? I have businesses to attend.

Host: No! What would Talk Scare be without a round of questions from the audience? *gets up* So, who has a question for the de Niles to answer?

Audience: *raises hand*

Host: *picks out a slim woman with wings and walks over to her*

Woman: Dedyet, what is your job?

Dedyet: Uhm… *blushes* *smiles* I don’t have a job.

Ramses: Nonsense! She’s queen!

Woman: But isn’t your empire long los-

Ramses: Next question!

Host: *walks over to an adult werewolf*

Werewolf: Nefera, will you ever shoot nude?

Host: What the fuck.

Ramses: *about to freak out*

Nefera: Uh… No?

Host: A last question! *walks over to a teenage boy*

Boy: *smirks* Can I ask something about sex?

Ramses: NO! *freaks out entirely*

End music: *plays*

Host: Oh! *turns to camera* Thank you for tuning in today, guys! Make sure to watch Talk Scare again next week when we will be interviewing Casta Fierce and her new boyfriend!

Nefera: *from the back* Casta Fierce is sooooo out!

Host: Thank you and goodbye! *smiles*

#ooc

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blogobot5000 · 4 years

Text

ALL: Cheers! (They drink)

GWEN: So… Cleo – what was it that happened in that little hell of online dating for you?

CLEO: Do we really want to hear this?

EVE: Absolutely. We’ve been sharing away – but you …

BONNIE: (Bluntly) You haven’t said shit!

CLEO: Okay, miss sunshine and rainbows. Here it is: why I take online dating with a grain of salt.

GWEN: And she salty...

CLEO: Oh, one hundred percent.

BONNIE: Go on –

EVE: Tell us!

CLEO: Alright… so. We all know that I was with Carson all through college and we were hopeless in love and blah, blah, blah but it didn’t work out, yada, yada – well. When we eventually, inevitably broke up, I gave it a shot. It was a few months in I got a message:

MAN: Cleo!? Do you remember me? We went to middle school together. Long time.

CLEO: Mind you. No where on my profile had my name or any hints to my name. Or my exact home town, which he had referenced. (To MAN) Um… Sorry, I do not recognize you. Do you mind telling me your name as well since you seem to recognize me?

MAN: It’s Chris. We went to middle school together at Wildwood Creek Junior High. WWCJH!

EVE: Is that where you went?

CLEO: You betcha.

BONNIE: Oy.

MAN: Why don’t we meet up and you give me a blowjob?

CLEO: I did not recognize his photo. There were about six Chris’ in my class. I had no clue who this guy was… and yet:

MAN: Why don’t we meet? It’ll be a good time. You can just give me a quick one. I know a great spot. Do you still live in town? It’s an easy drive, it’ll be a great time-

CLEO: Still – I persisted he tell me his last name. After countless efforts and responses which only resulted in him pushing a blowjob, he told me:

MAN: Chris Murphy!

CLEO: A brief memory flashed in my brain of seventh grade versions of me and him in the hallway, heading to science class. That is all I recalled of him. This guy from my childhood who I barely know! We never kept in touch but for some reason he recognized me and in that moment he thought “what better way to make a pass than to remain anonymous and then offer oral sex.” I tore into him. How it was so disrespectful, creepy, and not okay. In what world would I feel safe to meet up with someone who was talking to me in this way? I told him how every single thing he said was unacceptable and how he should never do it to any other person again. That is NOT a way to get a person to hook up with another.

EVE: (Timidly, but curious) What did he say?

CLEO: Oh, I never heard from him again.

GWEN: He probably didn’t like being called on his shit.

CLEO: Probably not, no. (Takes a drink) OH! And then there was Steve.

GWEN: Oh boy…

EVE: Steve?

CLEO: Steve was my first “boyfriend.” I was fifteen… he was eighteen… and his mom was not a fan, apparently. We started dating on a Thursday night, via phone call, of course-

BONNIE: How romantic

CLEO: Held hands in school on Friday and Saturday morning… well, back in the days of AIM and Razor phones… I went up to the trusty desktop (Charading typing on a computer, a sunnier, more innocent version of herself) Hey, Steve – good morning

MAN: Hi

CLEO: How did you sleep?

MAN: Fine.

CLEO: How are you?

MAN: Eh. BRB.

CLEO: Um… okay. (After a moment, gets up and walks) And I had this gut feeling that something was up… so I got my trusty Razor phone. (Looks down) One new voicemail. (She opens it up to listen to it)

VOICEMAIL: Hi Cleo… this is Steve’s mom. Look, I think you’re a lovely girl and all but I have a strict rule that Steve cannot date anyone younger than the age of sixteen. I’m sorry for that, he cannot date you any longer.

CLEO: (Dramatically) Tragedy struck! My fifteen year old heart ripped into pieces!

BONNIE: Woof.

CLEO: Only to find a month or two later that Steve started to date Linda… my friend who was… drumroll (EVE and GWEN drumroll on the table) Who wants to guess how old?

BONNIE: Sixteen?

CLEO: Fourteen!

BONNIE: Wow.

CLEO: So, it became clear that it wasn’t his mom that had an issue since she was thrilled that he and Linda were together as shown by her buying Linda flowers for the prom that year-

EVE: Aw, poor little Cleo.

CLEO: Hah! Bullet dodged for poor little Cleo. Because guess who has found me not ONCE, not TWICE but THREE TIMES on various social media – dating apps included- knocking down my very locked door.

MAN: Hey you. Would you like to go on a date with me? I have a poetry contest coming up. I have a girlfriend, but I only met her once and my mom is insisting I break up with her. It’s Steve from high school.

CLEO: No response. And then, on a completely different site:

MAN: I would love to practice photography with you. Hey. I love snakes too. They are my favorite animal. They truly are. Cleo. Will you go on a date with me? Hey. Are you there?

CLEO: No thanks. I am not interested.

MAN: Are you sure? Sad face. Cleo. Okay.

CLEO: There were other times too but – yeah. You get the gist. So, I’m not so fond of the past ghosts or even present ones for that matter coming out to play on dating sites.

GWEN: (Reflective. Chuckles) ‘Are you a serial killer or an axe murderer?’ I should use that.

CLEO: Everyone should use that.

GWEN: Maybe I could have avoided Jack.

BONNIE: Well, he was a stalker. Not a serial killer.

GWEN: He could have been! If there was ever a man who would have been using women’s flesh as a lampshade, it would have been him! Ugh, and I had the red flags. He was 43 minutes late for our date.

EVE: That’s oddly specific.

GWEN: So, here’s the backstory. Jack had been in a car accident the week before. His car needed to go to the shop, so he needed a rental. Fine. Then, his rental was giving him trouble, so he needed to swap it out. I wanted to go to the Cheesecake Workshop for dinner. Work was rough and all I wanted was some key lime pie cheesecake, so I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone: meet him, get cheesecake. I arrive at the restaurant; there’s an hour and a half wait. I text him with the info and he suggests going somewhere else. Fine. First, I couldn’t find the place. The reason I couldn’t find it was because it was a fast food place IN A STRIP MALL! Fine. So, I stand outside and wait. “What’s your ETA?” I text.

MAN: 15 minutes, tops.

GWEN: So, I’m texting Bonnie and she’s telling me to leave.

BONNIE: I knew there was something off.

GWEN: 30 minutes later, I call him. He doesn’t answer, but sends a text saying,

MAN: Sorry! Traffic’s bad, be there soon.

GWEN: So, I wait. Then, another 10 minutes pass and I tell Bonnie that I’m leaving in 5 minutes if he doesn’t show up. 43 minutes in, a man walks up to me and says:

MAN: Are you Gwen?

GWEN: I’m not going to lie. In that moment, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I. Just. Knew. We get our orange trays, walk down the line, order our dry Chinese food, and find a spot tucked in the corner.

MAN: I’m sorry that I’m late. Things have been shitty.

GWEN: I’m not heartless. It’s a first date. I lean into the conversation and ask if he wants to talk about it. He goes into this heartfelt monologue about his cat dying and how much he misses her and how his life has a gaping hole without her. “I’m so sorry. Pets are part of the family and it is hard to say goodbye. When did this happen?”

MAN: Almost 3 years ago next month.

CLEO: (Spitting out water, laughing) I’m sorry?

EVE: What the fuck?

GWEN: Buckle up, ladies. This story is about to take an even sharper turn. So, I see this red flag, but ignore it and forge on with the conversation. Turns out, as a child, he and his family would go camping near where I grew up in middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania. We talked about our families and work—he shared another fun story that involved his mom having a UTI.

CLEO: Rough.

GWEN: Then, I asked how he was feeling after his car accident. I have never regretted something more.

MAN: I feel like I can tell you anything.

GWEN: You never want a stranger to say that to you. Apparently, the week before he was out on a date with a woman he met online. Things were going well. She was funny, smart, and they supposedly immediately connected. At the end of the date, they talked about carving pumpkins together. THE NEXT DAY, he called to make good on these plans. She didn’t answer. So, he decided to go pick up some pumpkins and surprise her at this house. He texted. He called. She wasn’t picking up. He took this to mean that he should drive to her house. While driving around her block waiting for her to pick up her phone… SMASH. He was hit by a car at an intersection. He was fine and the other driver was fine, but his car was not. This motherfucker pulled into this girl’s driveway, stood on her front step, and heard the phone ringing inside the house. He was livid. He got the pumpkin out of his car and placed it on her front step as a sign that he was there. Apparently, he wanted to write a passive aggressive note on the pumpkin, but stopped himself. Like, he deserves some medal of honor!

MAN: I just, women are so mean to me. But, I can see in your eyes that you’re different.

CLEO: Yeah, when you show up at their house unannounced and unwanted, women don’t like that.

EVE: (Bursting, ‘obviously’) NO ONE LIKES THAT!

GWEN: Fortunately, I was running a 5k the next day, so I had the perfect excuse. “Oh! So sleepy! Must run in the morning—thanks for a great night!”

Man: Do you want a ride home?

GWEN: I have never been so happy to take the MBTA in my life.

BONNIE: Oh, but the story doesn’t end there!

GWEN: It doesn’t. I was texting Jack at the same time I was texting another man. He was a paralegal. We went out, there weren’t any sparks, but the conversation was nice so I was up for going out again. Here’s the problem. I put them in my phone with the dating app first, followed by their name. So, it was Tea Meets Biscut Jack and Tea Meets Biscut David. Fast forward, I’m sitting on a bench waiting for David. David was not who showed up. I fucked up and I fucked up badly.

MAN: I’m so happy to see you!

EVE: Did you leave?

GWEN: I PANICKED! So, we went in for brunch. Did I mention that he was racist? Because, he was also racist. He works with college students and continued to do impressions and make racist statements that ended with,

MAN: You know what I mean?

GWEN: So, I would respond by saying loudly, “NO! No, I don’t know what you mean!” I work in this town. People know me. I live in this town. What if he follows me home? I downed my meal so fast, while he kept trying to hold my hand and play footsies. I was sweating. But, at the end, I made it clear that there would be no third date.

CLEO: Jesus.

BONNIE: And, she called me after describing what she was last seen wearing, should he have decided to follow.

GWEN: I bumped into him at a show a few months ago. He was there with another girl. I wanted to slip her a note telling her to run, but I didn’t.

BONNIE: Proud of you.

GWEN: Aw, shucks.

CLEO: (Dryly and slightly tipsy. They are all feeling a slight buzz at this point) I once went on a date with a man who polygraphed me and compared himself to a terrorist. (They all stare at her, waiting for her to continue. Rolling her eyes, she continues to explain) He was a mechanical engineer. I began the date with what I thought would be a fun ice breaker. “If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?” For reference, I would be a writer for SNL or an aerial silks artist.

EVE: Obvs.

MAN: Probably something in my field. That I liked.

CLEO: I don’t actually know much about mechanical engineering, shocker, I know, so I asked for some elaboration.

MAN: Oh, ummm, I don’t really know.

CLEO: Don’t you have your masters in mechanical engineering?

MAN: Yeah.

CLEO: Red Flag #1: not knowing anything about the field you have spent your career studying. So, I proceed to talk about my jobs and my eclectic array of past gigs… from balloon animals to working in the pharmacy etcetera, etcetera . I layed it all out for him.

MAN: I don’t believe you.

CLEO: (Laughing, thinking he’s joking) You’re funny

MAN: Give me your arm. Look me in the eye and tell me that you’re telling the truth.

CLEO: What?

MAN: Look me in the eye and tell me that you’re telling the truth.

EVE: Did you do it?

CLEO: (Giving him her arm) Sure did. Then, I realized, he was checking my pulse. This man was checking my pulse to see if I was lying to him. HE WAS POLYGRAPHING ME! Red Flag #2. I ask him about his current job. His engineering job involves mapping out and installing fire sprinklers in large buildings.

MAN: Wearing a hardhat, they let you in anywhere. I could be a terrorist. I could walk into the building with a bomb strapped to my chest and they’d let me in. But, I don’t have the face of a terrorist, so people don’t suspect a thing.

CLEO: That’s when I started trying to flag down our waitress for the check like I was air traffic control. While waiting, he shared a story about how he hopes to write adult comic books about plant superheroes where the pesticides are the villains.

GWEN: Wait—adult comic books, as in adult target audience? Or… plant porn?

CLEO: You think I was waiting around for answers like that? The check hit the table. My money hit the table. My feet hit the ground. Then, because of how the universe works, we both had to walk to the T together. TOGETHER! Fortunately, there was a Red Sox game and they won. So, I easily wedged myself into the sea of red and white never to see him again.

EVE: Baseball saves the day!

CLEO: Yay sports.

GWEN: And thus, the Polygraph Serial Killer was born!

BONNIE: (Spitting out or choking on her water in laughter/shock) THE WHAT?!

GWEN: You know, The Polygraph Serial Killer! The guy- from the story! You know when like, you go on a date with someone and something happens where that becomes their identity almost. Like… eventually you just forget their name and then they’re just ‘The Polygraph Serial Killer’ forever.

BONNIE: Ah, yeah. I have one of those.

GWEN: Just one?! Hah! How when we’ve already named like 8,000 tonight?! Even now! Casino man… Dude from the food court… Gas station creep…

CLEO: And there’s so many more…(to EVE) remember French guy?

EVE: Ugh. I do.

BONNIE: French guy?

EVE: So ,after me and Adam broke up is when the nicknames really started. I went on a whole string of dates and Cleo gave nicknames to them ALL.

CLEO: Oh yeah… there was space man… pizza guy… flower guy… sportsball…

EVE: And frenchie. Or french guy. Whichever.

BONNIE: How romantic.

CLEO: Hardly.

BONNIE: So, what happened?

EVE: His name was … wait for it… Jean. Shocking, I know! He was from France. And, yes, he had an accent. I think he was the second guy on this slew of one-time-dates. A dark time in my life, really.

CLEO: It truly was.

EVE: (Putting on a red coat) It was around the holidays.. Or was just starting to get cold out. Me and Jean made a plan: meet outside of Angelo’s on Main- you know, that Italian place? Meet there, get some dinner, see if there’s a spark and then part ways from there, probably. We didn’t really have any grand plans. So, I got there first and you know and I’m waiting (looking at phone, notification message is heard)

MAN: (From offstage) I’ll be there soon. Just parked.

EVE: (Responding) ‘Okay- great! I’m out front. I’m wearing black jeans and a red coat. See you soon! Smiley face’ (To girls) Now, I don’t know how well you all know that area… but I mean, there’s some stuff there but, there isn’t really a crazy amount. Especially not in the middle of December on a Tuesday night. When it’s freezing. So, anyway, I wait… and

MAN: Eve?

EVE: Hey - Jean?

MAN: Who else? (Small laugh)

EVE: Hah- right! Of course.

MAN: Hey- so, uh, are you hungry?

EVE: Oh yeah. I mean I could eat or I’m okay to wait -

MAN: Well I’m not too hungry yet, should we take a walk first to build up an appetite?

EVE: Oh, well - sure! But where do you want to walk to?

MAN: Well, I don’t think I’m in the mood much for Italian anymore so let’s just go down this way and see what there is.

EVE: So, we go … mind you, he chose Angelo’s. So, I’m just walking around like ‘why choose a place that you don’t want to go to after all for a first date?’ But it’s fine, I let it go. On the walk we talked about:

MAN: (In mid conversation) Work-

EVE: And what we like to -

MAN: Do in your spare time?

EVE: And eventually, we ended up down a bit far away from everything, so I said: “Is this the part where you kill me?”

CLEO: (Excitedly) AND THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT LADIES!

EVE: He was not too amused.

CLEO: But at least ya didn’t die!

EVE: No one murdered anyone. It did prompt us to walk back toward the center.

MAN: Would you be good with this Mexican place, here?

BONNIE: Wait… the one that’s literally right across the street from Angelo’s?

EVE: Yup. So we go. I really didn’t care- it was just …

MAN: There was this wedding I went to, my buddy’s wedding, a few years back. We flew to Italy for it, gorgeous venue along the coast, you can’t even imagine.

EVE: Oh yeah?

MAN: Yeah! Oh, there was so much booze to drink… really a shit ton of booze for everyone to drinks. This wedding, it must have been at least a million dollars spent on it!

EVE: Wow -

MAN: (Overstepping) Yeah! The food was incredible, though (A bit snobby) you would not have had the taste for it.

EVE: Why’s that?

MAN: There was a whole table of fresh fish and a carving station like you have never seen. I don’t think you would have liked it there.

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clamonnaturalhealth · 7 years

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Well the day is upon us! Eight weeks old and time to go to permanent homes. When we brought Caramel in, we agreed we would keep her and give the kittens away. I mean after all, poor thing had been someone pet and got out or was thrown out. I felt she had been through enough and Kittens are cute and cuddly and easy to find new homes for. All I ask was they go to people we know and they sign an adoption agreement that they would bring them back to us if for any reason they couldn’t keep them. I think those were reasonable request. Okay that’s settled, WHOA not so fast!……….

This was the set upon plan and that lasted about 3 weeks. At this point 2 Kittens had homes, the black and white boy, Jinx was going to our oldest daughter and Cleo the tortuous shell (or multicolor) was going home with my friend Kim for her daughter Gabby, only 3 to go. Then we had the kittens out on a blanket for “play time”. One of the little gray and whit girls sat and listened to every word I said. She was so intent on hearing everything I had to say, I told her I wish everybody was that interested in what I had to say. My husband decided right then that she was staying with us, but he didn’t tell me. A week or so later, while playing with the kittens, I ask my husband what’s it gonna be like with 3 cats?!?!?! We already have 2 grown male cats. We have never had more than 2 cats and in addition to that we have 2 dogs. His answer 4 cats. I said what, we agreed! His response will tell you what a wonderful man I married 32 years ago, “we are keeping the little gray girl, you love her and she loves you! I haven’t heard you laugh as much as you have in the last 2 weeks in years.” WOW! I hadn’t realized, but he was right. So now mom and 1 kitten plus the 2 dogs and 2 cats we already had.

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See it’s been a rough year, for me. We moved across the country for the 12th time in 27 years, and last move, courtesy of the US Air Force. I started a business, we hit a rough patch with finances, I’ve had 4 injuries that required X-rays and significant recovery time, I don’t even know how many sinus infections, and my faithful companion, Boo a 13 year old Border Collie, was not doing well and my heart was breaking. That’s a significant amount of stress and not much laughter. Then when we were in “the nursery” playing with the kittens the other gray girl would get in my lap and snuggle up and go to sleep. She is so sweet and a snuggler, so yep she’s staying! That’s 5 pets, if you’re loosing count. A whole lot by anybody’s standards.

Then the next week, again playing with the kittens my husband sitting in the hall and I hear, “You are my George and I will love you and pat you and you will be my George”. Oh no! I looked up and sure enough the last Orange little boy we called bruiser was in my husband’s lap and he was saying this to him. A name, no, no, no! You don’t name them because if you do you get to attached. Okay now we are adding the orange male kitten to the zoo! That’s 8, eight Pets and 6 of them cats! Just call us the crazy cat people on North Carolina. This is insane!!! Three kittens, 3 adult cats, and 2 dogs, insane!

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Then BAM! Memorial Day Week Boo took a turn for the worst and we had to say goodbye. The other dog we have is not ours, he’s our sons dog and we kept him while Josh was in college and have kept him 2 years past that because Boo needed him. So now Fender, our sons dog, is going to live with him. Now the math again 8 pets – 2 dogs = 6 cats. And that’s were we are three 8 week old kittens and 3 adult cats that still don’t know if they want to be friends.

The next weekend we were headed to visit the kids and watch our granddaughter get her diploma, so we took Jinx with us. A 14 hour drive and that 8 week old kitten, he went 13 hours without a peep and then all he wanted that last hour was to get out of the kennel. He just walked in my daughters house, also filled with pets, like he owned it. Cleo went home that weekend while we were away. She is doing great and getting to know the Big cat in her new house. And us? Three 8 week old kittens running everywhere is so fun and funny! The three big cats are still working out their relationship. I’m just letting them work it out! There’s never a dull minute and it is nice to have the company when my husband is away. So how are we going to do 6 cats? I have no idea, but I’ll do monthly updates on how it’s going. Of course with pictures and videos of 5 kittens and a blog.

5 Kittens and a Blog (8 week old update) Well the day is upon us! Eight weeks old and time to go to permanent homes. When we brought Caramel in, we agreed we would keep her and give the kittens away.

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