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deadcactuswalking · 3 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/02/2021 (Ariana Grande, Digga D, Ella Henderson & Tom Grennan)

I like how on the UK Singles Chart, even if it’s kind of a slow week, we still have nine new arrivals to get through. Joy, let’s just start with the rundown. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

As you’d expect, a lot of the debuts from last week were pretty flimsy on the UK Top 75, the range I cover on the singles chart, and hence a lot of it’s gone, including all of the slowthai songs, even “CANCELLED” with Skepta which reached the top 40. Another big top 40 debut that’s disappeared is, again as you’d expect, “UK Hun?” by the United Kingdolls. We do have three pretty big drop-outs though: “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix, ”Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and the Digital Farm Animals and finally, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio. It seems that finally we’re making some room for the Spring hits to come tunnelling in by next month. That also shows in our notable fallers, as we have “Levitating” by Dua Lipa and remixed by DaBaby at #37, “Whoopty” by CJ at #39, Taylor Swift’s re-recorded “Love Story” plummeting off of the debut to #41, Fredo’s album bomb continuing to linger as “Ready” with Summer Walker and “Burner on Deck” with the late Pop Smoke and Young Adz are down to #44 and #64 respectively, “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #47, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #50, “Siberia” by Headie One featuring Burna Boy off of the debut to #58, “willow” by Taylor Swift at #59 (Not a good week for Taylor), “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #69 (The bigger question should be why it’s here at all), “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at #71 and “Apricots” by Bicep at #73. For our gains, well, it’s pretty weird trying to find our replacements for all of this, as we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers back to #68 as it takes advantage of a slower week, “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek having a weird second wind at #60 – and the same goes with “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles gaining big for some reason up to #46. Otherwise, we do have some genuine rising hits in the top half of the chart, like “Mixed Emotions” by Abra Cadabra at #45 off of the debut, “Regardless” by RAYE and Rudimental at #43, “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf at #35 (Because I guess since Logic’s retired, people are looking to Australia for a half-baked replacement), “Believe Me” by Navos at #33, “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #32... Okay, if we’re going to give rising artists their first top 40 hit, why is it these guys and not Kali Uchis? Though I have a feeling we’ll talk about her next week. Anyway, our other notable gains are “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka at #31, “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence and FLETCHER at #29, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #25, funnily right next to Joel Corry’s “Head & Heart”, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #18, “Up” by Cardi B at #17, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #15 and “Latest Trends” by A1 x J1 at #12, with no real movement in the top 10. With all that out of the way, let’s stay cautiously optimistic for our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “All You Ever Wanted” – Rag’n’Bone Man

Produced by Mike Elizondo and Ben Jackson-Cook

You probably know Rag’n’Bone Man for “Human”, one of the biggest hits in the UK of the 2010s that never really crossed over stateside. I was never a fan of the guy’s music in its over-produced blues-pop crawl, so I didn’t really expect his next album to do anything for me... but I feel like it does matter to a lot of people. His first album was big – and not just moderately – with several hit singles, and he would later hop on Calvin Harris’ “Giant” to more success. With that said, I don’t know why this lead single from his upcoming sophomore effort Life by Misadventure took a month to get to the lower reaches of the chart, even with a video. Has his hype fizzled out? Is there something more behind this or do people genuinely not care enough to check out the guy’s music past his debut record that had a bigger push? I don’t know but I do know that I actually quite like this... I mean, a lot. Finally, Rag’n’Bone Man found some faster-paced production that works very well with his signature baritone voice, as this almost post-punk-esque groove may be stiff but it chugs along nicely, especially with the layered guitar loops and those inspired distorted synth bloops, with some real dynamic mixing. What I feel is missing from this is stakes, at least in the content – it seems more observatory than telling any real narrative or drama that warrants such a rocketing song, especially that screeching guitar solo. I don’t think that really matters, though, as the subject matter is interesting enough in how he discusses places he’d spent his childhood in like Brighton and London and how they’ve changed since, with a pretty understandable level of both nostalgia and anger levelled at whoever made those changes... knowing he supports Corbyn, there could be some political undertones here, but I digress. The song caught me by surprise, I hope it sticks around further than a couple weeks.

#70 – “Lifestyle” – Jason Derulo featuring Adam Levine

Produced by Rice N’ Peas

So, Jason Derulo struck gold with the TikTok fame and his return to the #1 spot as he stole some Pacific Islander’s beat on “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” with Jawsh 685, and in 2020, everything seemed to go right for Derulo at a good time, even netting a BTS remix in the process. Now ever since then he’s been alternating between original tracks and more “borrowed” Pacific Islander beats, and this is one of those original tracks, which sounds nothing like the siren or Tampa beats so I’m pretty sure we know what the aim really is for those tracks. Whilst he’s had some success in the European markets, he hasn’t had much in the US so a catchy pop single with Adam Levine, detached of the Maroon 5 brand as that continues to fade away post-“Memories”, seems like an apt but desperate attempt at latching onto said market. God damn it, I’m embarrassed to say that it worked because this should not be a good song. It’s got a pretty funky synth riff and bassline that makes this otherwise pretty embarrassing track a lot more listenable, as Derulo’s delivery is pretty insufferable (but still pretty sonically appealing; the guy sounds great with a lot of Auto-Tune). There’s a lot of nonsense lyrics, both literally in the post-chorus and more ridiculously in the first verse, full of lyrics about how an unnamed woman is “shining bright just like Rihanna-na”, one lyric out of the whole song that is generally pretty weak lyrically, as you’d expect. The chorus is really damn catchy though, and propelled by horn lines and pianos that sound pretty triumphant, even if the clipping falsettos sound like garbage, and Derulo’s ad-libs in Levine’s verse are just hilarious. Honestly, Levine sounds better with this hook than Derulo does, mostly because Levine is aptly and actively not trying, which is much more fitting for a messy dance-pop track. With just two verse-chorus structures, as well as two post-choruses, this is basic and practically unfinished; there isn’t a bridge. With that said, I can’t hate this at all, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the fact that Levine’s reverb-drowned “Lifestyle!” backing vocals are cut off in the mix during the chorus... that did genuinely get a laugh out of me, don’t ask why.

#65 – “HEAT” – Paul Woodford and Amber Mark

Produced by Paul Woodford

From just a glimpse of her work, Amber Mark seems a lot more unique and soulful than most of the replaceable dance-pop singers, but for the purposes of this song and hence this show, that’s all she is, and Paul Woodford is just the boring DJ. This is a dance-pop song with 90s MIDI-sounding pianos, odd vocal processing, generic string patches, a house groove accentuated by a lot of fake hand-claps and a weak, barely-there drop. The time house-pop does something interesting for the first time in years in the mainstream beyond this garbage that’s been living in German night clubs in the 90s for decades after the fact, is the day I am a much happier woman. Skip this.

#61 – “Didn’t Know” – Tom Zanetti

Produced by Sjay

If you want proof of how slow a week this is, there aren’t even lyrics for this on Genius. Anyway, I don’t know or care who Tom Zanetti or Sjay are because guess what this is? Another house-pop track. To be fair, this one has more of a bass-heavy deep house groove and bassline, and a pretty cringeworthy rap verse from who I assume is Tom Zanetti, going for what seems like a Chicago house vibe but missing any of the soul or big diva samples, relying instead on a checked-out delivery from someone no-one knows the name of. Really, what do you expect me to say about this? It’s a sex jam, but it’s so basic and minimal that those keys in the chorus end up sounding as eerie as they do seductive, and overall, there’s genuinely nothing to grab from this other than that Tom Zanetti shouldn’t be rapping... whoever that even is. I did look up the guy and it makes perfect sense that this guy was making bassline music decades after that was big, because this screams “failed attempt” to me, and hopefully if the British public have any sense, it’ll be a failed attempt on the charts. We’ll have to wait and see on that front, I guess.

#57 – “Time” – JLS

Produced by Oswald Hamilton (or Biggz the Engineer)

So, legendary(?) boy band JLS are probably one of the bigger names from the craze of R&B and pop bands and vocalists that got big from The X Factor but JLS had actual staying power for at least a little while, mostly because, well, there was always a place for them in the late 2000s and early 2010s, where it wasn’t uncommon to see these dance-pop tracks flooding the chart. They weren’t that great, obviously, but they didn’t need to be as what mattered to the audience and label was that the four boys kept their charm and style by the time they released a new record every November and that a couple singles off of it went to the top 10. That comment about longevity must not have lasted, however, as whilst most members were able to find some kind of success solo, usually in broadcasting like Marvin Humes, people weren’t really demanding a comeback, I suppose, as whilst this is their first charting song since their 2013 farewell “Billion Lights”, this new reunion track hasn’t made much noise at all and is probably here off of sales. I mean, the lyrics aren’t even on Genius yet... oh, wait, it’s some other guy that happens to be called JLS. Huh. Well, that makes sense, but, like, you’d want to change your name if it was that closely related to a big name, especially if you weren’t a family-friendly boy band and were instead a pretty awful rapper relying on a weak UK drill beat with absolutely no energy at all. Okay, so this sounds like several rappers here, so I assume it’s a rap group or collective. Either way, not many of these people have much charisma to talk about, like at all, and this beat can’t carry them on that lone piano melody alone, even if it is kind of menacing. The song feels twice its length, and something screams industry-made to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s because it’s a debut single, but they’re not signed to any major label so that’s just speculation. With some research, I found that it’s by two guys called Switch and J9 and a lot of fans were confused why it was uploaded under JLS, when the original song, on YouTube, isn’t even called “Time”. It’s called “Look”. I can only see this as kind of a scummy marketing ploy by a label, as I don’t think an independent distributor would be willing to change the name, artwork and artist name to believably look like JLS. I don’t know about any of this but really the song isn’t bad or really worth caring about, just a game of finding the impostor. To be honest, I’d love for JLS’ actual comeback single to be a drill banger in response, but again, we’ll have to wait and see. For now... who even gets the royalties for this?

#56 – “CLOUDS” – NF

Produced by Tommee Profitt and NF

You know what’s decidedly less fun than UK drill rappers masquerading as late 2000s boy bands? Christian rap. To be fair to NF, he’s less outwardly Christian as he is just family-friendly pop-rap with a lot of technical skill and that’s fine, although it does mean his fanbase consists pretty much exclusively white kids who think they listen to “real rap with a message” and dismiss anyone with a darker skin tone as mumble-rap. Though I don’t think NF purposefully lets into that demographic, at least from the little I’ve heard, I don’t doubt that he knows that’s his base as he continues on this lead single from his upcoming mixtape CLOUDS to criticise rappers who “go Hollywood” whilst also acknowledging how violent some of his lyrics may seem, which kind of seems like an odd thing to say in this context. I mean, NF here is only being clean rather than Christian, but not in a Lecrae way where he’s genuinely a versatile and soulful rapper outside of the religious stuff that tends to work its way into a lot of his work. Instead, NF just kind of meanders over a condescendingly bad piano-based trap beat, with pretty pathetic flows that really undermine how much technical skill this guy supposedly has. I mean, if he’s going to imitate Eminem with even more filler bars and unfunny mid-verse skits. To be fair, I can’t complain about the dude’s energy, and the beat does get better as it gathers a lot more energy in its choral grandiosity, but I feel like this one starting verse just lasts for days because of how little is actually said in three minutes, and that second verse is shorter but says even little. That’s before getting into some of these lyrics as it really is just nonsense half of the time. He claims to be “not artistic” – I don’t know why Nate meant by that but it just comes off as how it is on paper: hilarious – and also flooding the first verse with a series of ridiculous metaphors you’d be hard-pressed to wrap your head around, including questionable name-drops for... Bill Gates, of all people. I do find it ironic how despite his fanbase wanting to make you think you’re not smart enough to get NF’s really “clever” bars, the Genius annotations for one of the few kind of cool lines here show that it completely goes over their heads. NF says, “Got something in my cup, ain’t codeine”, which you can stretch – pretty reasonably – to be a Biblical reference. The song’s about fame and success, so referencing “my cup runneth over” makes a lot of sense. The annotations says that it’s unclear what’s in NF’s cup, and a comment corrects him, saying that it shows in the music video that Nate’s cup has water in it. Nice one, guys. At least Eminem murders women and Hopsin’s a racist piece of trash, what does this guy have?

#38 – “test drive” – Ariana Grande

Produced by Foster, Mr. Franks, TBHits and Murda Beatz

Ariana Grande released the few bonus deluxe tracks from her Positions album last week, and of course, at least one charted – not many others could as you can’t have more than three hits at a time on the UK Singles Chart. I know, it’s silly. Honestly, I think the deluxe tracks were in most cases better than the standard edition, and I think if we cut out the annoyingly large amount of filler in that total package, we could have a pretty damn great record from Ari, but as is, it’s really just fine and suffering from all of the issues her past few years of music have. With that said, “test drive” might be my favourite ever song of hers, with its gorgeous 90s R&B keys that lead us in to a bouncy house beat from Murda Beatz of all people (in a similar vein to “motive” from the standard edition but with actual sound design). There isn’t that much of a bass in the groove here, but it makes up for that with its twinkling synths and Ari’s delivery which sounds convincing and infectious through the whole track, which may be short at just barely more than two minutes but does not waste that time with its incredible chorus and whilst I would have preferred some more complexity or meat to this production, particularly the percussion, this dreamy blend of 90s pop styles is really fun as is, especially in that final chorus with those subtle strings and bleep-bloops coming in, to the point where you don’t really care how abruptly it ends... which actually might be a pretty fitting end for a track about a youthful, very sexually active relationship. Yeah, this is pretty great – check it out.

#36 – “Toxic” – Digga D

Produced by Trinz

Speaking of bonus tracks, here’s a bonus track from Digga D’s most recent mixtape, Made in the Pyrex, and any goodwill I had for this guy is gone because this song is deplorable. You can say it’s satirical all you want – and to an extent it probably is – but I really can’t sit here and listen to a rich guy talk about how awfully he treats women for three minutes. Basically, the song is about influencers that want to “suck his bone”, and honestly that would be fine if he kept it about the sex, rather than how much he seemingly hates these women, calling them good for nothing sex objects with the subtlety of a dusty red brick. Misogyny is common in rap music and popular music as a whole, and it’s forgivable because, really, objectification is so commonplace that there’s no point in fighting it off, and really there’s nothing wrong in a rapper saying “my girlfriend is attractive” because... well, yeah, she probably is. There’s also nothing wrong with a rapper describing or depicting sex, because sex happens, and there’s also nothing wrong with rappers describing their conflicts with women because, again, they happen, and music is never supposed to represent a perfect life or perfect human. You can express your flaws and irrational emotions, even if they are “toxic”, in your music because it’s a form of human expression that knows few bounds, and as long as there’s some kind of tact or thematic approach, I really do not mind and will often try and justify it. However, when you’ve got a guy with no charisma or personality describing how he uses his fame on Twitter to his advantage for cheap sex, what really is the point in listening to this guy? Do you enjoy hearing about how he constantly condescends and insults the women providing him with cheap sexual desires? Sure, they never sent you letters while you were in jail, but they were never supposed to. These are Instagram models and social media influencers you use to get your rocks off by sliding in DMs, not long-time relationships, and you know that, so why are you complaining when your emotional desires are not met beyond intercourse... especially when you clearly don’t care about hers? I guess Digga D is being “toxic” on purpose as the title and chorus ensues, but this is too overly-specific and based in what seem to be real-life situations for me to stick with this and justify any of it, especially him referencing the models’ substance abuse, how he refuses to drink fancy wine she bought her instead of his cheap Magnum tonic wine – a sexual stimulant from Jamaica. All that would be fine if it weren’t for how he takes this back to real life by mentioning his ex-girlfriend, breaking all illusions of satire and fantasy. In the second verse, he continues to slut-shame and condemn women for... travelling abroad? Profiting from OnlyFans? Wearing Rolexes? If you want to talk about how many designer accessories you wear, how many places you’ve been, how many women you’ve had sex with and how many women you use for your own benefit and no one else’s, as you do in all of your songs, then where’s your excuse for criticising women for doing the same thing? Oh, right, there is none! I heard a few weeks ago and talked about on this show how the government has to see Digga D’s lyrics and censor them in the case that they’re too violent. It’s pretty telling how this misogynist piece of shit slipped through those cracks, huh?

#28 – “Let’s Go Home Together” – Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan

Produced by TMS

Okay, so this is our highest debut this week, and it’s from singer Ella Henderson, who you probably know from “Ghost”. She was another X Factor singer and this song actually dates back to 2016, where it was leaked online as a duet with James Arthur. More than four years later, it sees an official release with the slightly-less-trendy Arthur replaced with Tom Grennan, similarly non-present pop singer. I’m surprised the label’s even letting her release this pretty generic pop ballad with an acoustic pick-up and lyrics about going home together while drunk, as well as trap-esque percussion because of course. I mean, her second album has been shelved for half a decade, and Tom Grennan himself has kind of been in limbo until recently, and it’s not like he’s doing anything interesting or different here with his insufferable mumbling delivery. There’s an unfunny bait-and-switch in his verse at some point that I think even James Arthur would have pulled off better, and Grennan’s last line in the bridge is genuinely just one of the worst moments in music this year, Jesus Christ – you’ve just got to listen to that part, I guess. The song’s really not worth speaking more about and I want to wrap this up.

Conclusion

A slower, less chaotic week yet still a mixed bag and mostly bad. I’ll give Best of the Week for Rag’n’Bone Man for “All You Ever Wanted”, with a really close Honourable Mention for Ariana Grande’s “test drive”. Worst of the Week should be pretty damn obvious given that Digga D’s “Toxic” even exists, but Dishonourable Mention really is a toss-up. I guess Tom Zanetti’s “Didn’t Know” might be the most embarrassing song here... apart from “Lifestyle” of course but that song really is just okay. For next week... who cares? Here’s this week’s top 10:

Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank if you’re interested – really, I just talk about Weezer more often than I should – and I’ll see you next week.

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