#welp. im better than that one time i couldnt get out of bed for three months a year ago so im probably thriving

[mis-calculated]

When the beginnings of a months long mental breakdown hits you like a ton of bricks at 1am

#every time i go to the psychiatrist and she asks how i am im always like #welp. im better than that one time i couldnt get out of bed for three months a year ago so im probably thriving #but uhh. i think things have been building in the background i guess and only now have i actually inventoried all of them to realize #we are probably like a solid two and a half steps from having a yearly mental breakdown and only getting closer #work sucks ass #i dont think i can mentally student teach #i dont think i can even mentally teach #im so tired and burnt out most of my free time these days #im not looking forward to the suite #i feel like i dont really have friends #thinking about my recital makes me want to throw up #i feel like every professor doesnt really know me or care that i exist #i want the world to just stop for a while so i can take some time and not feel so anxious and angry and on my own and like im drowning #instead of fucking up another school semester having a mental health crisis and subsequently being a further dissappointment to my mother #its been so long since ive wandered aimlessly around durham late at night hoping that the bad thoughts will go away #quarantine vents