#we have MULTIPLE boundaries in place to prevent risks of triggering or Worse in each other

[dariamalek]

My Response To Modern Day Trends In Psychology

Okay, I know what you're all thinking: exorcism? Are we in the 1800's? You'd be surprised.

As I dabble (aka wake up at 6 everyday to go work at my job) in the child law department of the legal system, I have seen countless cases in which parents are taking a suit against their partner for not taking mental health causes seriously and the occasionally, we do see the shocking "spiritual" action as well as the classic "we don't believe in medication" stance.

Before I continue, I must say: there is nothing wrong with your beliefs. I am not to judge people's beliefs and religious practices-however (in my opinion) if your child's life is at risk, there needs to be something done. There is some kind of flaw in your mindset that is eliminating help for this helpless child. There are therapists and psychologists now: not everything needs to be cured by medicine.

Speaking of medicine and psychologists, I think this needs to be said at one point. If your child is throwing a tantrum and crying and screaming when you are asking them questions or asking them to clean their room: that child is not mentally ill. Do not take that child into a psychologist and say "my child has anxiety, my child has depression." Your child doesn't have any of those. Your child is most likely spoiled and has lived their life with the mindset that "if I throw a tantrum, they won't make me do it" -- no, that's not a mental illness. That is bad parenting. Understand the difference between anxiety, depression and a spoiled child with no boundaries or respect. Because frankly, it's both extremely offensive and inefficient for you to do so. Mainly because mental illness is extremely serious, so is practicing. You are wasting time and resources that could possibly be helping someone with an actual mental illness that needs those resources to be better. A psychologist is not a parenting coach. Take your parenting problems elsewhere and let the people with serious mental illnesses get the resources and medicine they need instead of you wasting it on yours.

I've seen countless cases where parents are so quick to get therapists and psychologists for kids who don't have any mental illnesses or anxiety or anything that they've decided to self diagnose their kids with. There are two reasons why you shouldn't do this:

Own up as a parent. Most of these issues are parenting issues. Rather than quickly sending away your child to the psychologist to deal with, sit down and talk to your child. Create a bond and trust with your child. See how that changes. Also remember, not all psychologists do it to actually help people. This, as unfortunate as it is, is very true. They will most likely keep telling you to come back or start medicating your child for something they don't have in order to make money and here's how it ties into my other very important point: stop medicating children for illnesses they don't have because it makes them worse in the long run.

It creates a pharmaceutical dependent for your child. Just like how people take Advil for small headaches (guilty) and it just isn't healthy. Also, medicating your child is the ultimatum that they're sick. As soon as a child begins taking antidepressants, they give up: they (think) they’re depressed. And that's it. Do not let it get to this point because that could falsely change the mindset of a child and hurt a healthy child.

Now, I am not saying that mental illness isn't serious and shouldn't be treated. As I mentioned above, I think of mental illness very seriously. I am a mental health activist and I have studied extensively in the fields of mental illness, specifically depression, PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, as well as in relation to neurology. I’ve worked in the field of psychology relative to educating children and adolescents with autism and learning disabilities. I've written three books, one of which is a novel about the effects and development of multiple mental disorders in teenagers as well as a book on parenting that bases all techniques on children and adolescent behavioural psychology -- including how to spot a mental illness in your child.

What I am saying is rather than be a lazy parent, look for the signs and do your research before medicating your child for a mental illness and putting a mental label on them even though they're healthy-they're just misguided. Rather than looking for screaming back, crying when they don't get what they want or when told they're wrong look for sweating, increased blood rate, trembling, gastrointestinal problems and issues with sleeping. Also, you might want to ask your doctor that you prefer your child not to be medicated until necessary to eliminate that initial pharmaceutical dependency. Also, do your research: there's so many different subtypes of mental illnesses (social anxiety, separation anxiety, agoraphobia) and you need to extend that search both medically and observe your child. Talk to them about their feelings and their thoughts. Sometimes, children act out and their frustration is taken as anxiousness when all they really want is to feel wanted and cared for.

Jumping back to exorcisms in the modern day, people are quick to jump to that as an option. There are many things that need analysis before we come to the conclusion of what is wrong with this child's mental health. There are a few steps you can take before the exorcism to further understand the root of the problem.

First thing we must understand is what I call the TST, or "time stamp of trauma." Each episode has a trigger-and in order to eliminate all events in which an episode occurs, we need to eliminate triggers. Each time there is an episode, look into the personal life. Find connections. This could be a breakup, parents divorced, mother took up a full time job and spends less time with the child, new school, new friends. Once you find the connections, you will find triggers-and I promise you there's connection.

Demons do whatever they want, when they want to do it. Demons don't respond to life triggers.

Once you find these triggers, see if there's a way in which you can eliminate them based on your life at home. If you picked up a new job and don't have much time for your child, their trigger could be loneliness and the fear of losing their parent or even the fear of loneliness. Maybe take a day off once a week to spend the day with your child. Have dinner together and talk about eachothers day. Eliminate that sense of loneliness so they don't have that trigger to episodes.

I’ve found that many parents seem to gravitate towards two different sides when it comes to having a child with a possible mental illness. They might play the selfish card. They don’t want to give up their personal time, whether it’s for recreation or work, in order to sit down and take extra time out of their day to sit and talk to their child and work towards development. They think “I’ll send them to a doctor, he’ll probably put her on some meds and calm her down.” Sounds practically barbaric but not unheard of. Or, they’re very eager to help but they’re just uneducated. These parents are quick to use the “it’s just a phase” excuse for many of their child’s actions.

I wrote about adolescence and how to deal with the changes. One of them was to understand and know your child. Understand that they’re going through bodily changes, they’re learning about new “grown up” things. They’re overwhelmed-suddenly, they’re placed into a social societal conduct where they need to look a certain way or act a certain way or even be a part of a certain class. These can all be very overwhelming for a child who’s also going through changes in their biology and chemistry. Some girls get their period and deal with cramps and emotions. For adults who have matured past that stage, these things aren’t very important. But for a child living in that moment, it’s obligation.

So relax. Give your child a break. When they come home, give them time to have a snack and relax. Ask about their day-but not for the basic “how was school” question- but take the time to get to know their friends, interests and what they have problems with. If they’re struggling with a certain class, be patient and take the time out of your day to help them. Their minds are already flustered and overwhelmed. Relax them. Take them to a movie, make chores fun for them and most of all, remind them that they can trust you and be honest with you. If they admit to doing something frowned upon, take a breath. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Remember that for them to admit to something in their time of rebellion against authority, is a lot of bravery and honesty. Be calm and offer them solutions rather than just telling them what they did was inappropriate. They already know that.

Like I said before, mental illnesses are developed. There may be a vulnerability to certain illnesses such as bipolar disorder than can be genetic or run in families, however rarely are people born with a mental illness. If it’s developed, it means it can be prevented at an early stage. As parents, you must educate yourselves on different symptoms of mental illnesses and differentiating a mental illness from a poorly behaved child as well as educating yourself on your children: their interests, their friends, their recreational activities.

This might sound like a lot but, as I’ve said before, raising a child takes patience. A villiage of patience. If you do not have the patience for that, don’t have children. Doesn’t matter if you love your child-your make time for the people you love. Make time for your children. Do not put an innocent child into the world only to put them at risk.

With love,

daria xx

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